A Matter of Perspective

by TheGuestAlikai

She was a woman with endless power. He was a man who had endless suffering. Who could've predicted what would've happened when she decided to take it upon herself to end the Last Great Time War in his place? My take on a fan traveling to the Whoniverse. (Doctor/OC) Ch. 1-7 updated and changed, so it's now Ch. 1-4. Cross posted on AO3.

28. Chapter Thirty One: Turn Left Part 2

A/N: Wowie wowie wow! This chapter clocks in at a whopping 20,000 words, so settle in and get ready to enjoy some fiction.

Also, I want to reiterate that I did not forget about a thing. It's important that y'all take note that I say this WAY back when. I might not have followed... well, any of the plan, but I did have one thing planned out since the beginning, and it means that I did not forget the thing. This will not be relevant for at least one more chapter, but it's important that I note it now so that y'all don't think I messed up and then just threw ideas at the wall and hope that one stuck. It was planned out, way before the beginning. That being said, I'm not sure y'all will be fond of it, but I'm happy with it, and it's in the spirit of the story that I'm writing, so.

That being said, MAJOR trigger warning for talk of suicide and depression. Without spoiling it, this chapter gets really into the details, so if that is something that you need to avoid for your own mental health, then I completely and utterly respect that. I've denoted the points where you can stop reading and then start reading again with ##AM##.

Thanks to those who favorited and followed, and thanks to Son of Whitebeard for your review (although, if you thought that was sadness, prepare yourself, because it's about to get much sadder).

I still don't own Doctor Who.

Chapter Thirty One: Turn Left Part 2

"Okay, but-but you can just turn your powers back on, so you can get home," he pointed out.

The Doctor watched as she raised her eyebrows, turning to look at the console room around her. He got sidetracked for a moment, as a memory butted up against his mind, about what Anna had once explained to him. He hadn't been her Doctor before he very much was, which meant that this hand't been her Tardis until it was. It meant that Anna One also saw the same thing, the console room not being 'hers'.

It was a strange concept to think about, different 'versions' belonging to different people. It didn't matter to him. Both Anna's were his, plain and simple, even if Anna One didn't see him that way and never would.

"Doesn't work like that," she told him, and he frowned.

"Come again?"

"Already 'came again' twice," she mumbled that nonsense comment, before she shook her head, looking at him. "In order to have my powers turned back on, I have to die."

He frowned so hard he could feel the muscles straining. She looked startled by the look on his face.

"Surely, you're- you're not suggesting-" She raised her eyebrows inquisitorially, before he smiled congenially but without any meaning behind it. "We'll think of something else, then," he said, pristinely, clasping his hands together before he moved to the console. "Just track Anna or-"

"Oh, no, no, Doctor, I-" she laughed, and he felt his hearts harden, though it was only because the image of Anna's dead body was now playing through his mind. "I wasn't in any way suggesting that I die, geez, no," she said, and he glanced over at her, smiling uneasily (not at all wanting to admit that he'd thought she was suggesting he kill her, which was so much worse). "I was just saying that that's how I would theoretically turn my powers back on. No, I'm-I'm happy chilling here until she gets back from her ever illustrious vacation at- The Magicians, was it?" she asked.

He looked back down at the controls, feeling that unease tracing through him once more. Images of all the times that Anna had died were traipsing happily through his head like they had any right to be there. Now, all he wanted to do was get to where Anna was. Maybe that wouldn't have been the case before, but he'd only just gotten her back. The thought of this Anna-

But, no, he couldn't think about that, and anyway, she was fine. She had other all-powerful being business to attend to. She didn't need him to do a quick pop-in.

But what if she did? What if she-

She was fine, he told himself. She could handle herself. Even if she did-

"Doctor"

"Hm?" he asked, looking over at Anna One.

"I- oh."

Anna One had been fine not moments before. No, she genuinely did look worried, a frown covering her face.

"Hold on," she said, looking at him. "This isn't how this was supposed to play out."

He felt his unease only growing.

"How'd you mean?" he asked.

She bit her lip, glancing around. "I always thought that- I mean, it wasn't just a thought, it was- did I ever explain feelings to you?" she asked, looking over at him.

He raised his eyebrows, doing a quick sweep of his time sense, before he barely shook his head. "It's there, on the edge of my reach, but time's been rewritten so thoroughly and so much in the past couple of days that it'll take some time for the little things to filter in," he told her. Anybody else and he wouldn't have bothered even trying to explain, but this was Anna. She understood, possibly better than anyone else.

"Okay, well," she started, and she dove into an explanation.

he frowned. "That sounds like-"

"Time sense, yes, I know, whatever, look, the point is," she said, "is that I had a feeling that I would have to travel your timeline out of order. With the way that the universe was, with you-" her eyes barely widened and she smiled, trying to cover up the fact that she'd almost blurted out something she shouldn't have done. "-well, with-with the way that the Time War had ended," Ah. She didn't want to bring up the whole 'genocide' bit. Very kind of her, "in this timeline, I would've had to've traveled around your timeline out of order. The universe would've needed people to be saved in a very specific order, and before you ask, I've no idea why that is." he furrowed his brows before he nodded his understanding. Something about this was familiar to him, as he gently probed for the- not the memory, but something similar to it, in his time sense. "But, because I effectively ended the Time War, that wasn't the-"

She stopped outright, looking down at the glass floor, before she barely raised her eyebrows, shaking her head.

"Oh, I'm a bloody moron," she said, quietly. Over the years, Anna One had developed something of a European accent, but it was still intermingled with her American one. It was almost a little funny to him, even all these years later, to hear an American use European curse words.

"You really aren't, but would you like to clue me in on the wonderfully brilliant thought process you're no doubt having?"

Even with all of the abilities in the universe, sometimes her self-deprecation leaked out. He liked to overcorrect on compliments when that happened, just so that the universe would balance itself out. Besides, she was his wife, he was allowed to compliment her as much as his hearts desired, which they often did. Among other things. He was getting sidetracked. Back to the point at hand-

She smiled, but it was bizarre, in it's own right. "Because I tailored my feelings to the television show," she told him, and he furrowed his brow.

He waited for a moment for her to continue, but she didn't. He raised his hands up in question. "Which means what?" he asked.

She waved him off. "It's like... I can tailor my feelings to certain outcomes. In order to save as many people as possible, I had to keep the television show in order, which meant that I had to turn the universe to how it would've been if the television show universe had actually existed, so I had to-"

"You're talking about changing timelines."

"No. What? No," she said, looking at him like she'd never heard anything more ridiculous. "No, I'm just-"

"Yes, you-you just said that you're tuning the universe to your specifications."

She looked at him with a look that read much the same. "No, I... just meant-"

"That makes so much-"

"Doctor, no, I don't tune the-"

"-sense! That's why you get a feeling, because- but hang about, you haven't done," he said, looking back at her. "Not since you've been here."

She raised her eyebrows, holding up her hands. "Hello?" she asked. "Not the all-powerful Anna."

"No, I don't-I don't mean Anna One, I mean, Anna. She hasn't gotten a feeling since she got here."

"Maybe she just didn't tell you," she pointed out.

"But wouldn't you do? And you did, and you have! So why hasn't she?"

That wonderful question wasn't answered when the Tardis suddenly threw them both off to the side.

#####

What followed was some of the most bolsterous piloting he'd ever undertaken. When it was over, the interior of the Tardis was darkened. He quickly went to the button on the control panel, calling out Anna's name to see if she was okay, since he hadn't seen her in all the chaos. It appeared that the Tardis was recharging, that it also appeared that he'd been correct in thinking that they'd ended up in a parallel something or other (which he knew because Anna had programmed a function on the console to tell him just that, which he was currently looking at).

"Ugh, Doctor?" she called out.

"Up here, give us a tic," he said, and he ran down to where she was.

She'd landed in the underdecks. With the help of his night vision, he managed to make out that she was clinging to the railing on the staircase, though she was crumpled against it, folding over it as she made a brave effort to just be. Her face was darkened with what he assumed was blood, and without a second thought, he pulled out the sonic to use as a torch.

"Oi," she said, cringing back into the railing and squinting her eyes against the sudden light.

"Sorry," he cursorily apologzied.

For the next few seconds, it was only the sound of the sonic pervading the air as he did a quick scan of her head.

"Minor concussion, give us a mo," he said, and he quickly grabbed her jaw in his hand so that he could steady her.

"You could ask," she said, sounding annoyed. "Instead of just manhandling me like a... manhandler." A look of consideration crossed her face. "Though, I guess you'd be a womanhandler. That's-that's dumb, that's a gendered word and it's dumb," she said, trying to shake her head, even as the Doctor kept her in place.

"Definitely concussed," he said. "Pointing out nonsense things-"

"Oi," she said, the word long and drawn out, and he barely smiled.

"-and not even asking about what happened, or why the Tardis threw us around like confetti just then?"

"You, my friend-"

"Bit more than a friend," he cut in, kneeling down as he got into some more of the detailed repairs with the sonic.

"-technically," sh esaid. "Cuz you're a version of my husband, but you're not my husband, are you?"

He shrugged. "Technically-" he felt himself grow colder. "Suppose we haven't. Still. Suppose that almost does make us different people," he mused, his words disjointed as his thought processes moved much faster than his physical mouth ever could. "I'm sure being happy all the time would change a person on a fundamental level."

She frowned. "Ow," she complained.

"Sorry," he muttered, though he didn't stop, merely readjusting his grip on the sonic.

"You're happy all the time?" she asked.

"Sorry?" he asked, for a different reason.

"Don't be sorry, just answer the question, outer space doofus," she muttered.

He smiled slightly. "Been hanging out with Donna much?" he asked.

"No- wait, yes, I- Oh, that does feel a bit better," she said, surprise lighting up her face.

"Sonic," he said. "It's magic. Now, what were you saying, about my being happy all the time?"

"I... don't know," she said.

He hummed before he pointed out the obvious. "You could ask about what happened," he said.

"Or, you could explain it without me having to ask," she pointed out.

"Could do, yeah," he said, but he didn't elaborate further.

She huffed out a faux-annoyed breath. Or maybe it was just annoyed. Either way. "Fine, mister cryptic, what happened, oh ever illustrious and super impressive Doctor?" she asked, putting on a sarcastic tone.

He still spoke. "Illustrious and impressive?" he bopped her on the nose. "You can stay."

She rolled her eyes, though she worked out her jaw now that he'd released it. She started to get up but he put a hand on her thigh, holding her in place. She looked up at him questioningly, and he quickly reached into his pocket, producing the handkerchief with a flourish.

"For the blood," he pointed out, starting to reach out to dab at it. She blocked him and he furrowed his brow in question.

"I can do that myself, you know," she said.

He barely smiled. "Have you got a mirror?" he asked.

"No, but what's that got to do with-"

"Have you suddenly gained the ability to see your face through my eyes?"

"No, but I still don't-"

"Then how are you supposed to clean the blood off of your face?"

"Oh." She blinked. "Right." She lowered her hand. "Continue."

"Ta."

He handed her the sonic a moment later, directing her to hold it. She started to glance around distractedly, though she hissed when he dabbed at a spot too close to the still healing knock to the head.

"Thought you fixed it with your 'magic' sonic," she said.

"Maybe have told a small lie about the 'magic' bit."

"No, really?"

"You're very sarcastic today," he pointed out.

"I'm very sarcastic all the days," she told him. "If this Anna isn't, that isn't on me."

He paused with his wiping the blood off of her face to search her. "Why do you do that?" he asked her. "Acting as if you two are different people."

"We are," she said, as if it were that simple.

"Except that you aren't," he said. "You two shared the same experiences, the same life, the same everything. Why'd you think you two are-"

"Hold on, what did happen?" she asked him.

He made the executive decision to table the conversation for now. "Something must've happened, pulled us off course, cause we're now in a parallel world. Tardis has to recharge, but until then, we've got twelve hours."

"Twelve? Wasn't it twenty four last time?"

"Well, yeah, but last time, I had to imbue the piece of Tardis with my regeneration energy," he told her. "This is a safety feature that you put in after it happened."

"Then why isn't it instantaneous?"

"It's not exactly an easy thing, what traveling through from one plane of existence to another- well, unless someone's you, of course," he said. "Then it's as easy as breathing. But, for us non-powerfuls, it takes a toll. The Tardis needs to-to collect herself, get her energies back in order. Trying to shove her normal energy at her all at once would be like-like trying to shove a square into a circle. Except, it's nothing like that, forget that."

"You need a new tagline," she teased him.

"I don't say it that often," he muttered.

"I can think of ten instances off the top of my head," she told him.

"Really? Go on then, give us ten instances where I disregarded a metaphor and said that it was nothing like that."

"Seriously?"

"Very," he said. "What else are we gonna do, make tea? I could really go for some tea, now," he realized, about to ask her if she could make this versions money, before he realized that wasn't happening. Maybe he could get the kettle to work...

"Imagine your universe, and then imagine a bubble on the side of the universe," she said, in an imitation of his accent, and he frowned.

"Sor-"

"Except it's nothing like that, forget about that. That's one," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "It doesn't count if you make it up," he pointed out.

"I did not!" she said, sounding properly affronted. "You said that- Oh, that wasn't a happy memory, what, you don't trust that I can remember word for word something that happened and then actually-"

"Oh." The memory bled in, and he raised his eyebrows before he looked down at her, frowning. "Why would the memory of the Corsair being saved not be a happy memory?" he asked, taking the handkerchief away from her face.

"No, but I... Oh, I'm surprised I remembered to do that, here," she said.

"How'd you mean?"

"Well, I'd- Hold on, how did I save the Corsair?"

He shrugged, dabbing at her face once more. "You just... did. Put him far into my future, mind, to 'keep the television show intact' or whatever, but still."

She frowned at that. "Hold on, hold on!"

He paused the handkerchief on her face, and she pushed his hand away.

"Anna should've gotten a feeling about needing to keep the television show intact in the same way, she shouldn't have even wanted to travel your timeline in order- she was the one who suggested it." She frowned, looking over at him. "Why is that?"

He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her answer.

"Well?" she asked.

"What- I don't know, you're asking me?" he asked. "It's not like we chatted about it, you know, even if I was relieved that- but never mind that, you've still got a spot of blood on your-"

"Relieved about what?" she asked him.

He sighed, looking down, before he shook his head. "I would've rather had a you in my timeline than not," he told her. "It was just nice, having that linear relationship with you as opposed to-"

"Her- no, sorry, continue," she said, and his eyebrows flicked down but he didn't comment.

"It was... nice. Different, I guess, having a you who I could be completely honest with, as opposed to one that I had to keep a whole life's worth of secrets from. Time isn't linear, especially not for time lord's, but having you travel my timeline in order was..." he shrugged before he shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "Different. Just different."

"Good different or bad different?" she asked, and he barely smiled before he shook his head, getting back to dabbing at her forehead with the handkerchief.

"That was one," he pointed out. "One time that I dismissed a metaphor-"

"Abstract space is a bit curved. Imagine a banana. Except it's nothing like a banana." Her eyes looked up and away from him, before she raised her eyebrows. "It's like two cars parked in the same spot, except it's nothing like that, forget I said that."

He didn't speak until he'd already finished cleaning the blood off of her face. "That's three," he said patiently.

"... You know what, just because I can't remember all ten instances doesn't mean that you didn't."

"You know, I'm actually rather impressed that you remember as much as you do, especially in this state. How much of the television show do you remember?"

"I thought you were making a jab at my memory as a human, like human brains are so tiny, I never know how you retain the ability to speak, but that's neither here nor there?"

He frowned. "Who said that?"

A flustered look crossed her eyes. "No one," she said. "But the point is, now you're talking about the television show, which you never do."

She frowned as a look of realization crossed her face.

"What're we doing?"

He frowned as well, wondering if the concussion was more serious than he'd originally been led to believe via the readings on the sonic. And then he realized it was the sonic readings and those were never wrong (even if it didn't work on wood, but that aside).

"We're... sitting here, talking. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just... confused," she said, glancing around, and he started to figure out how to get into the medbay drawers without the power on, gently guiding her to the medbay. "No, Doctor, I'm fine," She said. "We're seriously just sitting here, talking, though? Like, that's what we're doing for the next twelve hours?"

He furrowed his brows before realization crested through him. "Oh, okay, that's... what you meant, no, yeah, we can head out, explore, if you're feeling up for it."

"What about gingerbread houses?"

"Just about to say," he said, as he walked them to the doors. "Probably shouldn't explore too thoroughly, shouldn't get caught up in gingerbread houses, and all." He smiled as he opened the doors, making the joke. "I mean, can you imagine, meeting-"

It was no longer a glib joke (considering she'd already done), as his jaw dropped at what he saw.

"Yourself."

They were in a busy New York plaza, Times square, if he were correct. On one of the big electric billboards that proudly declared advertisements, there was an advertisement that caught his eye.

A huge picture of his wife's face sat proudly there, a smirk resting on it. "Anna," it read, in elegant script, and right underneath, it read, "Airs Thursdays at 10/9c."

He raised his eyebrows, looking down at said Anna, who was looking around, apparently not having noticed the huge billboard with her face on it.

"Something you want to tell me?" he asked, trying to get her attention away from the bustling New York City crowd.

"Sorry?" she asked, looking back at him. He frowned at the blood still on her eyebrow, and he quickly reached into his pocket, grabbing the same bloodied handkerchief, before he wiped the blood away.

"The billboard over there what's declaring proudly that you've a television show airing on Thursdays at 10/9 'c'?"

She raised said bloodied eyebrow before she flinched, hissing in a breath. She looked over at said billboard, and he waited patiently for her to see it before he grabbed her chin between his fingers, pulling her back to front.

"Well, would you- oi," she said.

"There's still blood," he replied. "Bit harder to get out of hair, even if it is just a random strip above your eye."

"You have them too," she said, before she said something under breath that sounded strangely like, "barely."

"And I don't think that it's any less strange on my face. Shall we?" he asked, nodding back to the Tardis.

"We shall!" she agreed, and she started for the street at the same time that he started to pull them back to the Tardis.

"What- you can't be serious, Anna," he said.

"What?" she asked, looking over at him. "You get to hear all about how your life is a television show-"

"You don't really bring it up all that often, actually," he said.

"-and you're not even a little bit curious about a television show surrounding my life?"

"Dear, let's just be reasonable," he said. "Let's just think about this. If a... fan wants to take a picture with the ever effervescent Anna and posts it to something like... Twitter," he said the name like a curse word. "And the actress that plays you is halfway around the world... Do you see what I'm trying to get at?"

She quirked a brow. "No mention of what happens if somebody recognizes you?"

Horror quickly filled him. "Yeah, we need to get back to the Tardis now," he said, trying more insistently to tug her along.

"Oh my goodness will you relax?" she asked. "The PR department will probably just say that it's a PR stunt, you know, because Anna's all powerful and if the actress is halfway across the world then how is she standing in New York City? Ooh," she said, and if he started to laugh at that before he shook his head.

"Doesn't matter, every second we stand out here is a chance for us to get recognized-"

"It's New York City!" she said, pulling his hand. "The city that never sleeps which probably means they don't pay much attention to detail. Come on, haven't you always wanted to explore a parallel world?"

"Different dimension, I'd say," he said. "Because of the whole television show thing?"

She shrugged, gently rocking back and forth on her heel. "Tomato, dimensionally transcendant tomato. Besides which, what you're about to do, cooped up on a dark Tardis for twelve hours?" she raised her eyebrows again. "Hm?"

In the next nanosecond, he'd pulled her to himself so that she was pressed flush against him.

"I can think of a few things," he said, pushing her hair away from her face. "Just off the top of my head."

"Hey," she said, sternly, and he allowed her to easily push him off. "We've already talked about this. Married."

He held up his hand. "To the same person," he said.

She fixed him with a look. "If you really believed that, then why did you tell the other Anna that you 'didn't want to replace him'? Hm?"

He shook his head. "Because I am different from him, but you aren't different from her."

She raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms, the picture of defiance. "And how's that, then?"

He felt a sharp smile enveloping his face. If it had been anybody else, he might've glibly changed the subject or moved onto something shiny. But, it was Anna. He couldn't not tell her.

"Are you really telling me you think that the man who wiped out his entire race isn't different from the man who didn't?" he asked, barely furrowing his brows. "I thought you knew everything," he said softly, even as the look of regret devolved on her face. "But apparently, you don't know what wiping out your own race to stop them from wiping out the rest of the universe does to a person, how heavily that sits on a man's hearts." He fixed her with a softer smile. "And I hope you never have to."

Anna didn't say anything, even as regret sat in her eyes. She merely took his hand, kissing it, before she shot him a look that said it all. That she would be there for him no matter what, no matter how little he knew he deserved it.

He cleared his throat before he looked out at Times Square.

"You know, if you really want to explore, I don't see the harm," he said. "You're probably right, someone'll claim credit for the stunt, and then, well-"

"You'll explain what you were just talking about just then?" a too familiar voice asked, and he whirled around. "Good," he said, smiling an extra wide smile that covered the hardness in his eyes. "Love me a good story."

##AM##

This day had just gotten zanier and zanier.

First, it was the billboard for the supposed show, and now, standing in front of them, was what she assumed to be this version's David Tennant. Except, the problem with that little theory was that he was dressed in full Doctor garb, down to the Janis Joplin coat and the suit.

"Cosplaying as your character?" she asked, the words flying from her mouth before she'd had a chance to stop them.

He looked startled (well as startled as the Doctor could look, in any case).

"Sorry?" he asked.

"You know. You're cosplaying as your character. Right? Yes...-"

"Sorry, I think you must have me confused for someone else. I'm the Doctor," he said, smiling widely. "Course, no need to tell me who you are, Beth Marigold. Got your face on a billboard and everything, congrats. Huge fan of the show, by the way."

"Sorry?" she asked, confused.

"Okay, yeah, no, I'm not, you caught me, haven't seen a minute of it, more importantly, though," he said, and he turned to the- well, himself. "You said something about wiping out your entire race, and since I'm fairly certain you're me, what with the phone box sitting right over there and the accent to boot, would you mind explaining to me just what you're on about?"

She glanced between Doctors as she raised her eyebrows at the look on Bowtie's face. Realization came to her faster than it should've done.

"Oh, no, I get it!" she said, looking over at Pinstripes. "No, sorry, he's a different timeline version than you. Must've arrived in a timeline where, not only did the Time War not happen, there's a television show about me and you exist." She laughed. "Wow, this is wild. Although, did we have to-"

"What is she talking about? What Time War?"

"Ha, see? Nailed it!" she said, holding up her hand for a high five to see the look on Bowtie's face. She cleared her throat, looking back at the Doctor. "Okay, sorry, yes, not Beth... Marigold? I think you said. I'm Anna, the actual Anna, the one that the television show is based off of. The Tardis has just thrown us here for whatever reason and now we've apparently just run into another version of you," she said. Pinstripes glanced over at Bowtie before he looked back at Anna, giving her his full attention. "That other version of you being this you, so, hello! Lovely to meet you! Sorry, this one seems to have been shocked into silence which, believe me, is a trick-"

"What do you mean, 'What Time War?'"

"And he's back, hello," she said, looking back over at Bowtie.

"That one that nearly decimated the universe? The one against the daleks and the time lords that nearly did just that?"

"Daleks?" he asked. "What's that, what's a dalek?"

Anna couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.

"Now really isn't a time to laugh."

She stopped at the cold tone he'd taken with her. She raised her eyebrows, looking over at him.

"What?" she asked, exaggerated at the look on his face. "I'm not laughing at your pain, I'm laughing at the fact- I toyed around with a few different ideas before I ever went to your dimension, and one of them was getting rid of the daleks completely, just sort of... depositing them in a different dimension and letting their history play out that way so that a universe never would've been affected by them." At the continued look on his wife, she shrugged. "Guess one of the other Anna's must've gotten bored and done so. Or, this is like a Texas usher situation," she considered. "No, wait, I just... saw that..." she raised her eyebrows, glancing between the two. "Imma be real honest, I've no idea what the point was, what were we talking about?"

Pinstripes had apparently gotten tired of shenanigans. "What is she on about? Why is an actress talking about creating dimensions and the like, and more importantly, why are you hanging out with her?"

She wanted to mess with him because, well, why not?

"Ahem," she cleared her throat, pristinely, before she held up her left hand. "Married, thank you very much."

He looked downright horrified. "Married?" he asked, glancing back and forth between the two of them. "Have we really lowered our standards so much-"

"You know, I'm fairly glad that you two are making this out to be one big joke," he slung at them. She didn't realize they'd dropped hands until that moment, when he turned to look at the both of them. "Yes, it's really laughable how my whole race died in a war that didn't even have to happen because those pepper pot machines of death never even had to exist in the first place. Really," he said, and she started to feel herself grow colder because she was getting angry. "I'm glad you two are getting along so splendidly-"

"This isn't my fault," she got out, through gritted teeth.

"And that means what, exactly?"

"Your'e trying to insinuate that, instead of ending the Time War, I should've prevented it altogether by doing this, you're blaming me for not doing enough, and I'll-"

"What? Anna, no, are you- you don't know me half as well as you think you do if you think Id' ever blame you for this," he told her, and she gritted her teeth but didn't tell him about the time he'd told her to undo it. "I'm talking about myself. Anna, do you have any- any idea how many opportunities I had to head back to their creation and end them before they even began? Do you have any idea how many times I let them live out of some-some misguided sense if mercy? This is on me, Anna, not on you, and it's gone on long enough."

He started back for the Tardis, rage in his step, and she quickly reached out, grabbing onto his upper arm.

He yanked himself from her grip so hard that she wondered how her wrist didn't break from the force of it, but that didn't deter her. She simply reached out once more, stepping in front of him as she grabbed both of his arms.

"Think about who I am," she said, through gritted teeth as he looked down at her, angrier than she'd ever seen him. "Think about what I've done, and then seriously tell me that you can do a fraction of an inch of what I've managed to achieve here. Blame yourself for a thing that I didn't even think that I could, or should do, and then stop blaming yourself because you've realized that you are just the Doctor. You're not The God."

His nostrils flared at that, his eyes growing wider, before he yanked himself out of her grasp, turning around and running his hands through his hair.

"Does somebody want to fill me in on what's happening?" the Doctor asked, and she sighed before she turned back to him.

"Are you growing exceptionally slow in your old age or are you just doing that thing where you appear dumber than you are to gain more information than you already have?"

He blinked at her. "You're seriously telling me that I married an actress," he said.

"No, I'm seriously telling you that I married a different version of you, and that I'm not Beth Marigold, but the character that she portrays. ... Or... something along those lines, I don't... It's something like that," she told him. "Something... along those lines, look, it's complicated, Doctor? Still with us?"

"I'm always with you," he said, bounding back over to her, that fake energy and mania ramped up. "Now, onto bigger and better things. Need to get the missues back, come along, dear-"

"You need to give me the longer version of whatever it is that she's talking about. 'Cause that can't be Anna Monroe from the television show, Anna."

"I think you'll find it is, actually," she said, at the same time the Doctor spoke.

"And why's that, then?"

"Because Anna is a suicidally depressed human girl who sings about how she's trapped in her life. I mean, I have to give it to the show's production value, they are catchy tunes-"

"No, yeah, you're right, completely rubbish, that," he said, before he tugged Anna along. "Come along-..."

He stopped at the look on her face. The one she was desperately trying to conceal, as the desperately tried to push away the memories of wandering around the Las Vegas hotel like the ghost she wanted to become.

He'd known her for too long to not read through her mask as easily as reading his favorite book. His face went through a myriad of emotions, glancing back at the other Doctor, before he barely shook his head.

"No. No, but..." he said, looking at Anna, taking in her expression.

She shook her head. "It's-it's fine, really, it is-"

"Do the two of you want to fill me in-"

"Shut up a minute, give us a mo," he said, as he drew Anna away from the pinstriped Doctor. She glanced at him, giving him a sheepish smile that he looked at, almost bored on the outside but very much calculative behind the mask he wore as easily as breathing. "Anna, what's he talking about? What does he mean you're a suicidally depressed human?"

She quickly shook her head. "No, I mean-" her eyes widened before she shook her head again, taking a step back. Or trying to, anyway, except that the Doctor caught her hand and held her in place. "Doctor, I can't, it's not my story to tell."

"I don't understand what that means," he said.

"It means that the other Anna, the one that you married-"

"Married you as well," he said.

She shook her head, frustrated. "Doctor, I'm not-"

"Even if I do trudge along with your... notion that you two are different people, I did marry you. In that timeline what got rewrote?" he asked, and she felt surprise wafting through her, though why, she wasn't sure. She'd married another version of him. It only made sense that she'd loved this version that much, too.

If she did, though, how would she have felt okay heading back to the other him at the end of it? She never would've done. She never would've wanted to. She couldn't have just left her husband behind.

Something about what the 13th Doctor had said, about leaving her behind ran through her mind. It was exactly what the Tardis had wanted her to do, just jump around like the Doctor's were interchangeable, but they weren't. They were all the Doctor, yes, but they were all unique in their own respect. She was suddenly very glad that she hadn't, but she pushed this from her mind as the Doctor continued.

"I married you."

"Even so, I'm not the Anna that's currently your wife. And, this is something that she should get the chance to tell you. I can't take that from her, I just, I can't."

"Anna, it's your story," he said. "Of course you can tell it-"

She shook her head. "I can't," she corrected him. "I won't. This is just-"

"Because you still feel that way?"

"Doctor, no," she immediately corrected him once more. At the look on his face, she realized what she'd failed to, that he suddenly had a business like intent that he hadn't before. "No, I promise, I'm not-"

"Then why not just tell me?" he asked. "Because that's the only reason that I can come up with, is because you still would've wanted that quick out and my knowing about it would've prevented that from happening."

"You really think-"

You would've been able to stop me?

She was so glad- she'd never been more glad in her entire life that she hadn't said a sentence than she did in that moment.

She opened her mouth to finish that sentence a different way before she barely shook her head, frowning.

"I don't know," she said, looking down at the ground. "I don't know why I didn't-" Before understanding took her over, and she understood it all too well. Her face flattened out as she looked up at him. "I didn't tell you because I didn't think that you would understand."

"You didn't think that I would understand?" he asked, an incredulous look on his face. "Seriously, me? After everything that I've been through and you don't think I understand something like depression?"

She shook her head. "Imagine that you can do anything and everything," she told him. "Imagine that you had the ability to fix any wrong int he world, including yourself. And then tell me that you would understand why a person like that would ever be a thing like depressed, never mind suicidal. If they can fix all the things in the world, what would they have to be suicidal about?"

Pain, of all things, crossed his face. "Oh, Anna..." he said, quietly, before he gently took her face in his hands. "Depression isn't about the things that you can do. It's about the things that you feel. In my experience, emotions are the most complicated thing that there is."

"But I..." she started, before she shook her head, looking down. "Yeah, suppose you're right," she said, quietly, before she shook her head again. "I'm sorry," she said, looking back up at him.

"Absolutely not," he told her. "There's no need to apologize for this. It is your story. I... do wish that you had told me sooner, but you don't owe me an apology for that. I promise," he said, her cheeks still cupped in his hands.

Realization crested through her and she frowned.

"Hold on, why didn't I seek you out?" she asked, before she looked over at Pinstripes. She raised her eyebrows. "Do you remember ever meeting someone who can do the things I-" she rolled her eyes. "I claim I can do?"

He shook his head. "Nope."

"Okay, but why wouldn't I?" she asked, looking between the two of them. "I told myself that if I did something like this, I'd come to you and explain the situation, so that you would know... what happened to the daleks?" She glanced between the two of them. "I guess? I don't know, so why didn't I?"

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

She frowned, looking back at him. "I already said," she told him.

"No, no, you're not understanding," he said. "You remember what I just said? About why I thought you didn't tell me before? I thought it was because you didn't want me there to stop you."

She frowned, shaking her head. "No, but... but I didn't..."

"Okay, so it's-it's a different version of you that never..." he frowned, looking over at her, puzzle pieces seeming to click into place that he didn't want to. "You never really did tell me the story about how you utilized... your full powers..."

She shook her head. "I've no idea how that's relevant-"

"You died."

She frowned. "What? No, I- there was something else, some other way, and it took me about- but that's not the point, the point is-"

"That's what you said. That you would have to die, in order to restore-"

"Sorry, just wondering if I could butt in here for a minute-"

"Shut up, Bowtie told Pinstripes, except she couldn't even call him 'Bowtie' because he didn't look like anything but 'The Doctor'. "-your powers. I'm assumimg that means that that's how it happened in the first place?"

As much as he tried to put on a brave face, he looked like he wanted to puke as he paled, swallowing past a lump in his throat.

Or, to put it another way, like he was grieving.

She shook her head. I promise you, that's not how it happened, and right now, it's important that you trust that. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this, I get how distressing this is, but right now, we need to focus on Anna, the one who..."

She felt a sob burst forth from her chest and shook her head.

"She can't have, she can't have." She shook her head, even as the Doctor brought her to his chest, shushing her.

"Anna, you're right," he said, into her hair. "We do need to focus on that Anna. Because you didn't seek me out because you wanted to make sure that there was no way that- but it doesn't matter, because we can do this. We just need to find her, before she does something she can't live to regret."

She let out a breath, nodding. "Okay," she said, quietly, sucking in a quick breath as she tried to hold back a sob, before she released another, more calming breath. "Okay," she repeated. "We can do this." She pulled away from the Doctor. "If I know myself, I'll have-have left clues- Oh."

"Oh?"

"After 900 years-"

"1200."

"Then it's even sadder that I have to spell it out for you when I'm looking right at the solution."

"The television show? How is that supposed to help?"

She shook her head, looking at the other Doctor. "I know that this is confusing, and we're throwing around a lot of impossible ideas and you probably think that this is a trap, but we need your help. Please."

He searched her. "Answer a few questions and I might be inclined to do that."

She looked at him imploringly... before she remembered.

"Or, I could just do this."

She walked over to him, to stand less than an arm's length away, before she gently reached out. He looked at her, wary, but didn't even attempt to stop her when she pulled him close.

She whispered his name in his ear.

He immediately jolted back, searching her eyes, before he swallowed past the too large lump in his throat (which appeared to be a theme with him today, and not at all usual for him).

"Right," he said, clearing his throat, before he nodded, looking between the two. "Right What do you need?"

"I'll explain on the Tardis."

"Right." For a second, the Doctor only had eyes for her, looking at her in a completely different light. "Right."

#####

"Her grief would've been leaking out everywhere, even if she didn't mean for it to," she explained to them as she wound her way around the console. Frustration filled her that she couldn't just automatically read the screens, but she tried to remember the step by step for activating it. She got to about the third step before she gave up entirely. "It would've translated to a from that would've, you know, been viewable by people."

"The television show," he said.

"Right," she replied. "So, there are probably clues, things in it that will tell us where she went to do what she'd done. Spend a long enough in any place and there's bound to be traces of things that get left behind."

"What if she'd not here?"

"Um..." she started, before she shook her head, turning to look at him. "Then we head back to... your... verse? Once the Tardis is charged. After that, Anna returns and then she deals with it. But we are saving her."

"Hold on, there's more than two of you?"

She looked back at him, nodding. "At least three, now," she told him, before she handed out assignments. "You, look through the television show, see if there's any- crap," she said, looking down at the grating. The Tardis console hadn't even tried to change to compensate for two different Doctors, which made sense, considering they were... well, whatever they were.

"Crap?" he asked, after a moment, sounding fairly uncertain.

"What?" she asked, glancing between the two of them. "No, I just- I just realized you wouldn't even know what to look for."

"Which is fine because I"m not even sure what you're planning on doing otherwise?"

"Figuring out what to do when we find her," she told them. "There must be a way to-to trap her, or to contain her-"

The Doctor outright laughed at her, and at the look on her face, he parroted her earlier word. "What?" he asked. "You honestly expect this one to have something that would trap an all-powerful being just lying around?"

"No, but I figured you could cobble something together-" realization crested through her. "The-erm, the other you, my you, he-he figured out a way to turn my powers back on without me dying. It means that-"

"How'd they get turned off, anyway? You never explained."

"And now isn't the time," she told him. "The point is, you, one version of you, figured out how to make me powerful. Maybe you could figure out how to do the opposite."

"What would be the point?"

Anger surged through her. "What do you mean what would be the point?" she snapped.

"I mean, okay, great, so we trap her in the Tardis and then we counsel her through her depression and all is well and good until we find out that it was all just a trick so that we-"

"He," she said. "She's his responsibility, now."

Both of them looked thrown by that. "You're... volunteering him for this?" he asked. "To look after you?"

"Look, it's just..." she shook her head, glancing between both of them. "You've no idea what my life was like before, but I found a way to power through it, I found a way to make it. If this version of me didn't, then it means that what she went through had to be a thousand times worse than what I did. It means..." she shook her head. "It means she's alone, completely. And I need to know that she's taken care of, even if it means volunteering someone who might not want to."

"No, I mean, he'll want to, I'm just surprised you'd ask this of him. You know, asking someone else for support, even for another you. It's just- never mind," he said.

"Do I not get a say about this?" the Doctor asked.

"Do you not want to do this?" he replied.

"Well, no, it's not that I don't want to," he said, shoving his hands in his pockets as he swayed side to side. "It would just be nice to be asked, that's all."

"Doctor," she said, and he looked up at her, his eyebrows raised. "Would you please be ever so kind as to help the woman- well a version of the woman who you would one day gladly give your name to?"

He put on a cheeky smile. "Happily," he said. "But was that so hard?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Now, what's the plan? I actually have a bit of knowledge about the show. Like I said, have to give it to the production value, catchy tunes, except for Light in the Farmlight, I mean, that one was rubbish-"

She quirked an eyebrows, crossing her arms. "Thought'd you'd never seen the show," she pointed out.

"Yeah, I lied. Jackie's a huge fan of it, always has it on when me and Rose come round. Reckon I've seen every episode at least once by now. Well, probably fallen a few weeks behind, to be honest."

"Ha, see!" she said, gently swatting at the Doctor's arm. "Told you Rose would always be there."

"Sorry, what?" Bowtie asked.

"Oh. No. Different you. Oh, yeah, that's... probably not great to bring up, just to make a point..."

"Can we get back to our point?" Pinstripe asked, sounding mildly amused. "What do you need?"

"In terms of...?"

"The television show," he told her, and she raised her eyebrows.

"Right," he said. "I don't... Um." She shrugged before she shook her head. "I don't know, I won't know what I"m looking for until I see it."

"What about your feelings?" Bowtie asked.

She shook her head. "Done for, at current mo." She looked over at Pinstripes. "How many episodes are there? And where is Rose, anyway?"

"Ah, back at mum's flat," he told her. "Got some things what need taking care of."

"Why aren't you with her?" Bowtie asked, and she looked over at him to realize how painful this all must've been for him, to hear about Rose and the like.

"She's a grown woman, she can handle herself," Pinstripe said. "More to the point, why do you ask?"

She raised her eyebrows. "I think I've an idea."

#####

"I still don't understand why this is necessary," Pinstripe said, standing outside the Powell Estate.

"How many episodes of Anna's show are there?"

"Nearing one hundred."

"And how am I, as a human, supposed to look through all of those episodes in less than a week?"

"You think you can watch all those episodes in a week?"

She scoffed. "Please. Never underestimate the power of a nerd," she told him.

"What's a nerd?"

"It's like a geek except not."

"Ah. What's a geek?"

"It means you're really passionate about something. Don't you know anything?" Bowtie cut in.

She rolled her eyes before she nodded up to the flat. "Come on," she said, and they walked upstairs. When they reached the flat, the Doctor didn't even bother knocking, just walking straight in.

"I'm home!"

"Took you long enough! Thought you'd run off with some-"

Rose spotted her at that moment.

"-bint."

Her eyes narrowed on her before she glanced back and forth between her and the Doctor.

"Who's this, then?"

From behind Rose, Jackie Tyler screamed.

"Oh my god, that's Beth, that's Beth Marigold! You've brought Beth Marigold to my flat! Oh my god!"

The narrowed eyes quickly turned to confusion and amused. "You are," Rose realized, even as Jackie rushed past her to get to 'Beth'.

"Oh my god, I'm such a huge fan! I love your show, ask anyone! Oh, come here, you!"

She was quickly on the receiving end of one of Jackie's hugs, and she couldn't say that she hated it.

"Jackie, that's-that's not-"

"Oh, I could kiss you!" Jackie said, turning to look at the Doctor. "How'd you know I was a huge fan?"

"Yeah, I-I didn't-"

"Never mind that, come here! Would you like some tea, biscuits, Ooh, we haven't got anything in, why didn't you phone ahead, like a normal person? Jackie asked, before she glanced behind Anna to to see the bowtie wearing uni professor wannabe standing behind her. At least, that's how Anna assumed she saw him. "Who are you, then? A friend of Beth's? Oh, look at me, acting like we're friends and all," she laughed, nervously.

Anna felt really bad, she did. She was almost tempted to continue with the act, if only because it appeared that this was a lifelong dream of Jackie's to meet the actual Beth Marigold.

Pinstripes killed that. Pinstripes killed it quickly.

"Jackie, that's-that's not actually Beth Marigold."

"Course it is," she immediately snapped at him, turning back to look at him. "Don't be so stupid. Who else could it be?"

She raised her eyebrows, opening and closing her mouth, before she smiled slightly. "Would it make your day better or worse if I said I was the actual Anna Monroe?"

Jackie (who, by the way, still had her arm clasped in her hand) glanced between her and the Doctor.

"What is she on about?"

"It's-it's sort of a long story, but that's the actual Anna Monroe. The one from the television show. Well, not from your television show, I suppose, but from... a television show? No, that's-that's not accurate either-"

"Doctor," Rose cut in. "What're you on about?"

It was strange, seeing the Rose Tyler in person. She'd probably have to get used to it, considering that when she got back home-

She smiled slightly at the thought. Home. What a lovely thought. She would get back there eventually. She just needed to sort this mess out, first. Well, that, and get into contact with Sideways!Anna, at any rate.

Point was, it was strange to see the woman she'd only seen on television. She'd been around Donna for nearly a year and a half, but seeing your husband's best friend was one thing. Seeing your husband's ex was another.

But, that was it, wasn't it? She wasn't even an ex. She was someone that he'd lost. Now, she would come to collect what was hers. She only hoped that she would accept what she was given, and not outright turn the metacrisis him down because she thought he'd moved on without a second thought.

This wasn't relevant. The point was, she had to get to... Oh, she didn't like thinking of her as Suicidal!Anna. Sad!Anna? Anyway, she needed to get to her, before it was too late, before she did something that, as the Doctor had said, she wouldn't live to regret.

"So, bit complicated," Bowtie cut in. "I'm the Doctor, hello."

"How'd you mean- hold on, you regenerated?"

"No. yes. Well, sort of-"

"He's... it's complicated, but that's a me, or a future regeneration anyway, though the bowtie? Really?"

"Oi!" he said, sounding indignant, straightening out his bowtie. "Bowties are cool."

"So... that's not Beth Marigold, then?"

"Don't be so stupid, of course it is!" Jackie was insistent. "Beth, tell them."

"Jackie, I'm- I'm really sorry, I'm not, but I am Anna Monroe and I really could-"

"But that's insane!" Jackie denied, turning to look back at the Doctor. "Even you can't make television show characters come to life!"

Standing where she was, Anna couldn't help but outright laugh at that.

#####

It took some convincing and a cup of tea from Rose, but Jackie accepted it. About an hour later, Jackie had only explained up to season 2 of Anna, though Rose and Pinstripes had snuck off who knew where to do who knew what.

Glancing at the Doctor, she wondered if this was hard for him, to be here, with Rose and Jackie and the possibility of a life that never was. Seeing Rose, he'd seemed so... fine. Maybe it was a front, or maybe it was actually how he was feeling. She wondered how that was possible. Any mention of Rose-

Except, she had been there, or a version of her, anyway, to help pick up the pieces. He'd even married that version of her. Apparently, he'd married this version of her, too, even if she didn't remember it, and couldn't, because it hadn't technically happened to her.

She had a thought, then, about that time when she was laying with the Doctor in bed, after the whole alternate timeline debacle had occurred. The ache at the thought of that warm glow surrounding a life that had never been lived, despite the fact that it did exist, out there, somewhere in potential space. Glancing down at the ring on his finger, she supposed it was had been in potential space.

"-and then she ends up in this dream sequence where she ends up in space, staring at this sun, and she starts singing about the virtues of life and death, and then she gets a call from her best friend telling her that she's moving, and-"

Broken out of her thoughts, she frowned, turning to look back at Jackie. "Wait, go back."

"To what? Her best friend moving bit? Yeah, that was rubbish, considering-"

"No, no, the-the space, the sun, the virtues of life and death, this is it!" she said, excited.

"All right, no need to shout," Jackie mumbled, and she straightened herself out.

"Why that one?" the Doctor asked, and she looked back at him.

"'Singing about the virtues of life and death'?"

"So, what, you think she'll fling herself into the sun? How's that supposed to do any measure of damage?"

She shrugged, still looking back at him from where she stood. "Being in the center o fa sun would make it so that, anytime she started to come back, she would just-"

"Fair point-"

"Who's being flung into a sun?"

"Um..." she raised her eyebrows, looking back at Jackie. "Okay, so there's multiple version of the Doctor. Well, there are multiple version of me. Right now, she's trying to end her life because- well, you saw, on the show, everything she went through, except that it was a thousand times worse. Currently, we're trying to save her."

"But how's she gonna do that, then?" Jackie asked. "She hasn't got a Tardis like the Doctor to transport her to space."

"She's... like... all-powerful. They don't show that in the show because, let's be honest, who wants to watch a show about an all-powerful being? It would just be them fixing everything, all the time. There would never be any conflict, and everything would always work out. I mean-"

"Anna," the Doctor cut in.

"My point being, she has the power to get to the sun, so we need to figure out which one and how to get there- and I'm a total moron."

"What? Why?"

"Hang about, you're a total moron, too! Oh, no. Wait." she bit her lip. "Well, she might- Okay, can you call the Doctor, or Rose, whoever's number you have, see if he can... Ask if he can look for any traces of dimensional energy that shouldn't be here. Those exact words."

"I'm on it," Jackie said, before she moved to the kitchen, doing just that.

"You know, she's much more agreeable here than she ever was there."

"Well, you didn't have 'Beth Marigold' to convince you to help her, now did you? Besides which, I'm not sure-"

"Sorry, sweetheart, he's asking to speak with you. Says I must not be saying it right. Tosser," she muttered, and Anna had to hold back the laugh as she took the phone from Jackie.

"There she is," Bowtie muttered, and Anna frowned, barely glancing at him, before she spoke.

"Hello?"

"Anna, hello! Jackie's asking me to trace 'dimensional energy'? I'm sure that's not what you said-"

"That's exactly what I said," Anna said.

"See! Told you!" Jackie replied.

"I've no idea what that means," Pinstripes said.

"Ooh, say that again, love it when you say that."

"Point is, what do you mean, what's dimensional energy?"

She furrowed her brow. "Seriously?" she asked. "Dimensional energy? Like the difference between dimensions? Like, how me and this Doctor have different energy signatures than I'm sure the lot of you do, considering that we're from… not here?"

"Oh, you mean molecular energy. Okay. Understood."

"No, hold on, how is that different from dimensional energy?"

"Dimensional energy is energy that runs a dimension," he told her. "I've no idea how to even start to make that relevant to what we're trying to do."

"Oh, can you just get a shift on?"

"Gladly. See you in a bit."

"See you in a bit," she agreed, before she hung up and looked back at Jackie. "Okay, so, we need to watch that episode you were talking about."

"On it," Jackie repeated, quickly moving to set it up on… what, it wouldn't be a laptop. DVD player? Time travel was weird.

"What for?" the Doctor asked.

"Because you might recognize- Oh, not if it's a different- Jackie, can I have the phone back? I need to talk to the Doctor."

"What for?"

"Slight change of plans."

#####

About thirty minutes later, they still hadn't gotten to the scene that Jackie had talked about, and Anna glanced over at the Doctor and Rose for about the millionth time.

She couldn't not. This was like getting a glimpse at the life she'd never seen them have. The two of them, together and happy. What was even more was that this him was unburdened, more so than any of the Doctor's she'd ever met. He didn't have the daleks to contend with.

He might've been the Batman to their Joker, but they weren't the Joker to his Batman. At least, she never thought so. It would be one thing if the daleks had been his driving motivation for traveling and saving people. But, that had been Susan and Ian and Barbara, more than anything else.

My friends have always been the very best of me, he'd said once.

Maybe some part of him had been fundamentally changed because the daleks hadn't been around. But, from where she was sitting, glancing at Rose and the Doctor, their hands intertwined… enough had compensated from this change that he was still him. The Doctor, a mad man in a box, traveling with the best and brightest of humanity.

It was almost tempting, then, to ask him how his life had changed. But, she didn't get up the nerve. Especially not with Rose sitting right there, humming the songs and singing the words under her breath.

"Ooh, no, hold on, hold on, that!" the Doctor said. "Back up, right there!"

She startled, looking back at the television.

"All right, no need to get excited," Jackie said.

She backed it up, and Anna watched as she danced around on screen backwards before the Doctor ordered (and yes, he ordered her) to press play.

"Do you want to do it?" Jackie asked, and it was at that moment that they all collectively realized that he had the sonic screwdriver and therefore could've been. Surprisingly enough, nobody commented.

"Mum," Rose said, softly.

She did as she was told, pressing play, and Anna once again started to sing, dancing around the sun.

"And I'll finally find my freedom in the dead of night, when I circle the sun of Half Man's Light," she sang.

"Yeah, I never really got that line. What's it mean?" Jackie asked.

"Come on!" the Doctor said, hauling Rose up before he dashed out of the flat.

"Oh, yeah, no need to thank me or anything!" she called after him. Before Anna could comment, Jackie looked at her. "Is there any chance that this is all just a big wind up and you really are Beth Marigold?"

She smiled. "Afraid not," she said. "But I'm sure if you-" she raised her eyebrows. "Never mind," she said. "I have to head out, now, but thank you, for everything."

"I know they don't think I'm very bright, especially himself out there," Jackie said, and Anna raised her eyebrows. "But I know enough to know that she is you. That Anna is also you, however that happened. Are you all right?" she asked.

Anna raised her eyebrows, before she nodded, before she bit her lip. "I wasn't," she answered, honestly. "For a really long time. But, I'm good, now. And, I haven't felt like that in a very long time."

"Promise me that if you do feel that way again, you'll tell him about it. God knows that man can be useless as a button sometimes, but I know he's helped my Rose more times than I can count, and I know that he can help you, too, if you need it."

She felt touched. "Thanks-"

"And, if he is a useless tosser, you can always come back to me and we can have a chat. Despite what Rose thinks, I can do more than chatter away. I'm also a very good listener."

As much as she probably would've laughed, she didn't. Instead, she walked up to Jackie, hugging her.

"Thank you. You've no idea what that means to me."

"Course, sweetheart. Anything you need, you just let me know."

"Same to you," she said. "And I mean that."

She started to say that she promised, before she realized that there were some promises she couldn't keep. So, she merely hugged Jackie harder, like she might lose her, or something.

It wasn't until that moment that she realized the Doctor had tugged Rose downstairs with him, and realization crested through her.

She pulled back from Jackie. "I'm sorry, I've to-" she said.

"No, course," she said. "Don't worry about it. Good luck."

She smiled. "You too."

#####

"Rose, I'm really sorry, but you can't come with us."

"Course she's coming with us," he said, moving around the console, as if it weren't an argument. Technically, it wasn't.

"Look, I get that- you're brilliant, and you're amazing, and I want you to know that I understand that, and appreciate it-"

"You're talking like you know me," Rose said. "I thought you said you weren't from here."

"Parallel universes- it's like-… Oh. Um. No, it isn't, I- look, I don't have time to explain-"

"I'm not stupid, it's not like you have to use small words," Rose said.

Anna bit her lip, sitting back. Apparently, the Doctor had told Rose that the other Anna would be joining them. She wondered if Rose knew that Anna knew his name. She wondered if this version of Rose did.

"You're Rose Tyler. You did what no companion has ever done-" she raised her eyebrows. Oh. That hadn't actually happened here either. "You know what? I've just realized that I don't know you," she told her. "Which means that the other Anna won't, either. Imagine getting judged by every single person in your life and feeling like every person you meet will do the same-"

"You're right, you don't know me, cause I would never judge her-"

"Can I finish a sentence, please?"

"Not when you're trying to kick me off my home you can't," Rose said.

"I'm not doing that. This Anna being here won't change anything, either, I just need the Doctor's for this, because she won't-"

"How'd you mean, the other Anna won't change anything? Doctor?"

She felt anger flare through her as she looked at Pinstripes. "You didn't tell her?"

"I… didn't think it was relevant."

"Relevant in the way that you two are literally going to be the only lifeline that she's got, or relevant in the way that you just didn't want to have a hard conversation?"

"Oi, don't talk to him like that!" Rose said. "You've got no right, flouncing in here and expecting us to clean up your mess-"

"Okay, why are you angry with me? Seriously, what did I do?"

"Saying that I can't come along, for starters," Rose told her, straight up. "Coming in here, acting like you own the place, like you're better than us for being all-powerful, and what does that even mean, anyway?"

She held up her hands. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry, I am, really. If that's how I was coming off, that wasn't my intention, but I'm sorry," she said. She watched as Rose's hackles started to hesitantly lower. "I don't think that I own anything. I just…"

She rubbed at her eyes, looking away.

"I want you to imagine being in my shoes for a second. Being reminded of- going through what I did, nearly… ending my life," she spit out the words, "because of it, thinking that it's all behind you… and then having to be reminded of all of it in the form of finding a different version of you that actually does end up doing it. Or will, if you don't stop her."

She looked up at Rose, to see the understanding blooming in her eyes.

"I know that I- well, we, came in like a whirlwind without much explanation, but the only reason that was a thing is because we don't have a lot of time. Assuming that she hasn't already done it and this isn't something that isn't existing at every point and therefore means that even we can't change it, we need to get to her before she does something she can't live to regret. You are wonderful and courageous and kind and I know that because you're Rose Tyler, and that's just a fact, but… but she doesn't think that anybody knows how to be kind to her, and right now, that means that the only people she won't run from at the first sign of us being there is the two of us. Three of us? You get what I'm saying."

"I do, yeah," she said. She searched Anna, looking considerably more relaxed, though she didn't look as happy about it as she could've done. "What am I meant to do, though, when she does come back? If she won't even trust me to be near her?"

She raised her eyebrows, looking over at the Doctor. "Honestly, I have no idea. But, look, whatever it is that you do end up doing, I'm sure it'll help more than you know, because you're Rose Tyler, and you are just…"

She wanted to put into words everything that she had ever thought about Rose, but, for one, she didn't think it would make any sense to Rose, and for two, she couldn't put everything into simple enough words because, she was, well…

"Rose," she finished, and she hoped her tone conveyed everything she wanted to say.

Rose searched her before she somehow gave in. "All right, fine," she said. "But, you lot pick me up soon as you can, as soon as. No dawdling on Kessell 24 or whenever."

"Never," the Doctor agreed.

It shouldn't have surprised either of them when Rose reached up to kiss him, standing on her tiptoes to do it, but she knew that both of them were surprised.

It was the first time she felt a pang of longing, of something like phantom grief. The Doctor, her Doctor, had loved Rose Tyler with everything that he was. She knew that it was differently and for different reasons, but he'd loved her all the same. She'd almost never known the love of the Doctor because she'd thought she'd never live up to someone as spectacular as Rose Tyler.

Now, not only had she married him (twice, apparently), but she would live a long and happy life with him (if the fact that she was still with… their? Thirteenth self was anything to live by. Well, she said Thirteenth. Fifteenth, more like, if they were including the War Doctor and TenToo, but that was very complicated).

None of that was the point. The point was, Rose Tyler walked off the Tardis (after saying a surprising 'love you'- No, the surprise was when the tenth Doctor freely admitted that 'I love you, too').

It was time to find Anna.

#####

"Kess-Ar Kree, or, when translated to English, Half Man's Light," the Doctor said. "It's said that there was a supernova that threatened all of creation. An ancient being of incredible power saw this, and used the supernova's own power to wrap a sun around it, using the supernova's power to, well, power the sun. A sun in a state of perpetual collapse."

"What happens when the sun dies?"

"Okay, less history, more scanning," Anna said, feeling anxious. She still had no idea what she was about to say to… Sadasaclam!Anna, and she wasn't very excited at the prospect at the thought that she was about to see herself fling herself into a supernova.

"Hey," the Doctor said, walking over to her as he clasped his hands in hers. "We've got this."

She bit her lip, shaking her head. "I don't know if we do," she answered him, honestly. She looked up at him, raising her eyebrows.

"Hey," he said, more firmly. "We've got this."

She wasn't convinced, but she nodded anyway.

"Okay."

"Just breathe," he reminded her, and she took in a deep breath-

"She's out there," the Doctor said, and her heart jumped into her throat. She quickly ran to the doors-

"Anna, hang on!"

The Doctor caught her round the middle and she struggled.

"What're you-"

"Sorry, just extending the air shell!" Pinstripes called from his position at the console. Bowtie, meanwhile, kept a tight grip on her.

"You can release me, now," she told him.

"Oh, what, just because I'm not your husband, you don't even want me touching you, now?"

"There, done!" Pinstripes called out. "Should be able to talk to her at a distance, too, got us close enough. Assuming she didn't hear the engines when we landed."

"You didn't turn her to silent?"

"Turn who to silent?"

"I did, don't worry," he said, before he released her, finally, though neither of them commented on his weird comment. She ran to the doors, opening them.

She only had a second to see herself, staring at the sun that was just out of view, the Tardis door blocking it (though she noted that he probably added a sun filter to the atmospheric shell, considering that it should've blinded her by now).

She was beyond startled when she felt a sudden hand clasping the back of her shirt.

"You stupid girl," Bowtie said, as he pulled her back. "You don't understand, do you? I am your husband, in every respect."

"What're you-"

She let out a cry of surprise when she was spun around, an arm slotted across her throat as she was pulled back.

"No!"

Okay, but hold on, there was Bowtie, so what… was happening, who was holding her?

"Doctor?" she questioned.

"That's the name, don't wear it out!"

Bowtie had his hands out as a wild fury rested in his eyes, though the terror was tucked away in the corner of his eyes.

Realization crested through her. "Oh, we're idiots," she said, and the Doctor barely glanced at her, looking like he was scarcely breathing. "It's a defense mechanism. Of course she would-"

He jerked her back, suddenly, and she cried out in surprise, throwing her arms out before she clutched at the arm around her throat.

"I think that's enough from you, don't you, dear?"

"A defense mechanism?" Bowtie asked, though his hands were shaking. "Which means what?"

"It means he's a cheap trick, and if I know myself, he won't hurt any of us."

"You sure about that?"

"Very," she said. "I wouldn't even kill myself by crashing my car because I was so scared of hurting anyone else, I doubt that a defense mechanism I set up would hurt people, even accidentally."

"And what if you didn't set it up?" he asked her. "What if it was subconsciously?"

She raised her eyebrows, smiling slightly. "Even then," she said. "I care too much about what other people think to risk hurting them. Well, at this point in my life, anyway," she noted.

"So, it's not a defense mechanism, then, it's a distraction, in which case-"

She felt herself being jerked back once more and she let out a startled cry when she felt her foot slip out the door, though the rest of her was still in the Tardis.

The Doctor had anxiety written all over him.

"Anna, are you absolutely sure?"

"Even if she is, can you really take that chance?" he asked, a taunting tone in his voice. "The Coward who killed his own kind. You're already responsible for enough deaths, aren't you? Hands already soaked in enough blood? You don't need to add another innocent girl to the body count you've piled up over the years." He laughed. "Well, I say innocent… You wouldn't believe the things this girl has thought about doing."

"Thought about and actually doing are two different things," he said, his body barely moving back and forth, as if he were prepping himself to throw himself at her. "I should know."

"Why?" he taunted once more. "Because the one that she's with only thought about killing his own kind, whereas you did?"

She felt her certainty start to waver. She'd never thought herself capable of taunting the Doctor with one of the worst regrets of his life, even subconsciously. An Anna who was this at the end of her rope… maybe the rules had changed.

Well, there was one way to test it.

"Sorry," she said, preemptively.

Her thought process was this: they were running out of time. If this did work, she'd save Anna, and if she didn't, then, well, she'd save Anna. Either way, this would work.

So, she did the only thing she could do.

She threw herself back, out into space.

Well, the more accurate version was that she threw herself back into the… defense mechanism? Distraction? Making it think that she was about to be in actual harms way. When she did, she felt the hands disappear from around her, and she managed to catch herself on the edge of the Tardis doors before she turned around.

"Anna!" she called out.

Despite the fact that it wasn't her actual name, she still turned at the sound of her voice. Her eyes widened, and she barely shook her head, glancing between her and the sun… slash supernova.

"It's okay, it's okay," she said, holding out her hands, some part of her noting that the defense mechanism hadn't returned, and it was probably because she had Sadasaclam!Anna's attention. "It's just… you. Me. I-"

"No, no, that's not fair!" she said. "You've no right to do this, to show me a future where I live-"

"I'm not," she said. "I promise, I'm not."

"But how can you be here, then?" she asked, and it was at this moment that she realized there were tears imprinted on her face. "If you're not a future me, then how can you…?"

"Genuinely, I don't know. Neither of us are copies," she quickly told her. "We're both Anna. It's just… more complicated than that," she told her.

"Is that the name that you chose? Anna?"

"Anna Monroe," she said.

She shook her head, swallowing. "Because you saw that you had a future, and you wanted to live it. I've already done everything that I was supposed to do, and now, I'm ending it."

She shook her head. "Okay," she said, nodding. "Okay, end it. If that's what you really want, then it's your choice. As it should be. As should the rest of your life. But it wasn't," she told her. "It wasn't your choice, and you were alone, and I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry for that, for how you lived your life, and I understand- believe me, I understand, but I also know that the fact that you're here tells me that even I don't fully understand that pain that you went through. I found a reason to live," she told her. "But only because I had help, because I had someone who told me that life would get better, that life would be okay, and because I believed him."

"Oh, so that's my problem?" she asked, anger lining every inch of her face. "I just haven't looked hard enough for the better?"

"You've looked harder than anybody that I know. It's not about looking for the better. It's not about seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. It's about acknowledging that you are hurting, and allowing that to be okay, allowing that to- allowing yourself permission to be hurt. Because you have every right in the world to be hurt," she told her. "What she did to you, for how long she did it-"

"This isn't about her!" she shouted at her.

"It isn't!" she shouted right back, and Sadasaclam!Anna flinched. "It's about your pain and the fact that you're scared to feel it, even for a second, because the moment that you do, you will let yourself get lost in it." She shook her head. "Look at where you are," she said. "I promise you, it is better to be lost than to be dead. And I promise you, when you get lost, you won't do it alone. The Doctor will be there to help guide you out of the pain. You just have to let him help you do it."

As she watched Sadasaclam!Anna floating back over to her as she sobbed all the while, she wondered why it had been so easy to convince her. Maybe it was because she had been her, and intricately knew her pain. It was like playing the right notes to a song that she'd memorized, simply doing it in the right key at the right time.

Maybe this was all a trick, she thought, as she floated into Anna's arms, clinging onto her for dear life as she sobbed into her shoulder. Maybe this was just another bait and switch. She was known for her back up plans upon back up plans.

But, she couldn't check that, now. Not just because her powers weren't yet turned on (though she would do when her powers were back on), but because Sadasaclam!Anna was currently falling apart in her arms, collapsing to her knees to the grating below, and she had to focus on helping put the puzzle pieces back together as much as she could whilst she was here.

She could only hope that the Doctor would be enough to put the rest of the puzzle pieces them back together again.

#####

"She's finally asleep," she said, closing the door behind her. She'd been crying in her arms for a few hours.

"Are you okay?"

"What?" she asked, feeling, well, startled. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" he asked. "Because of what you said to Rose, in the console room."

She raised her eyebrows, shaking her head. "What did I say?"

"About being reminded about all of this," he said, putting his hands in his pockets as he searched her.

"What- Oh, oh, right, no, I'm just… tired," she said. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's been a lot to handle, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before."

He reached out, gently tugging on her hand. "You don't have to deal with it alone, you know," he said. "I'm here, if you need me."

She smiled, nodding. "I know," she said, quietly. "Come on. We've a Doctor to talk to."

"What about her?"

"She's asleep. She'll be asleep for some time. Depression does that to a person."

"I don't feel good about letting her be alone right now."

"Fine," she said, starting to tell him to sit with her while she talked to the Doctor, before she let out a breath, steadying herself. "One of us has to talk to the Doctor about this," she told him. "And since you don't know what she needs, I'm pretty much the only one that can do it. Which means that-"

"Then you can do it after she's woken up and you've explained the situation."

"What situation?"

She whirled around, surprise lighting up her face. "Hey," she said, careful not to call her Anna. "I thought-"

"I was asleep? How could anybody sleep with you two yammering outside the door? What's he talking about, what situation?"

She held up her hands. "Whatever you want to happen is what is happening, and not just because you're an all powerful being, but because I respect you and your choices." Sadasaclam!Anna bit her lip, looking down. "But, the Doctor, the pinstriped one, is more than willing to help out with whatever you need. You can exist on the Tardis, for a bit, just let yourself get lost in your grief."

She raised her eyebrows, though she didn't look up at her. "What about whoever he's traveling with?" she asked her.

"What about them?"

"It's not like I can just intrude on their time together."

"A- you made things different, here," she told her. "Remember? You changed things. Which means that certain people will get longer with him than they otherwise might have. Which means that, even if you do- which you won't, because this is a time machine."

"And…" She bit her lip, again, glancing back at Bowtie. She looked back down, barely curling in on herself. "What about him?"

"He and I are heading off as soon as you're comfortable, which, if you're never comfortable with that, then that's fine," she said, preemptively.

"It isn't, though," she said. "I'm just-"

"Hey," she said, quietly, sternly. "You're worth just as much as anybody else, which means that you're worth his time as much as anybody else would be. Okay?"

She sniffled. "I don't need you two here," she said, quietly. "You two can head off, back to where you came from."

She furrowed her brows, about to ask, before she simply nodded.

"All right," she said. "Whatever you want. Get into contact with me if-"

"I won't." She turned back to the door before she stopped, glancing back. "And thank you."

"Of course," she said.

"Goodbye."

"Bye," she said, and with that she closed the door.

She was surprised when the Doctor tugged on her hand, pulling her along the hallway. When they had made it a few hallways away, he turned back to her, a sense of urgency resting about him that confused her.

"What's the plan?" he asked her.

"Plan?" she replied, confused.

"Yes, plan," he said. "You see what she's doing, don't you?"

"… Agreeing to be helped?"

"You didn't seriously fall for that, did you? She's you, Anna! Have you ever known yourself to give into something this easily?"

"So what are you saying?" she asked.

"That she's so obviously lying! She's trying to get rid of us, Anna, so that she can sneak away, into the night."

"Except she doesn't have to get rid of us to do that?"

"Except she thinks you're all powerful, so yes, she would? Besides which, having two Doctors around would make it harder?"

"Neither of which would make a difference," she told him. "If she really wants to do this, she'll do this. We have to let her come to us, not the other way around."

"What, you really think that two- one Doctor wouldn't be able to stop her, putting his mind to it?"

She opened her mouth- before she shut it, just as quickly.

"Fine," she said, but the words sounded mechanical, even to her. "You make a good point."

His face went through emotions so fast she wasn't able to catch them all.

"Something you want to tell me, Anna?"

She got frustrated, then. "Not if you're too blind to see it, Doctor."

She tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her upper arm.

"See what, Anna?"

She searched him, sadly, and told him the thing she hadn't wanted to tell him. "If I really wanted to- if she really wanted to hurt herself, she'll do it. Doctor or no. You won't be able to stop her. Which means that this has to be her choice, Doctor."

He searched her, distant, almost coldly. "You seemed to have a notion that we might be able to before. Remember? I recall it being your idea to trap her in the first place, something you were fairly adamant about. Were you lying then, or are you lying now?"

"Get off of me," she said, wrenching her arm out of his hold. He did so, holding up his hands in a placating manner, though his face never wavered. Still, she straightened out the bottom of her shirt indignantly. "I was panicked, before. I thought maybe-… Well, actually… I mean, I wasn't wrong in the console room, it's entirely possible that you might be able to, but that isn't the point. It's like I said before, it had to be her choice. Not anybody elses."

"Why?"

"Because, if she doesn't decide that she wants help, she'll always feel like this. That pain, that anguish, it will fester inside of her, no matter how much people try to throw their 'help' at her. She has to want the help in order to get it. If people try to force this on her, it'll just be another thing that's out of her control."

"Are you aware of what being sectioned means?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes," she said. "But I don't know what that's got to do-"

"Because non-powerfuls are sectioned when they are a danger to themselves. Right now, it's not-"

"What's a-" she started to ask, but he cut her off, speaking more forcefully.

"Right now, it's not about whether or not she wants help. Right now, it's about getting her to tomorrow. Because she can't want help if she isn't alive to get it. Which means that we need to make a plan on how we're dealing with this. And, that starts by trapping her, as much as we are able."

She shook her head. "You do this and she will never want help. Her power has been taken from her for too long, and if you do this now, she'll just see that that cycle'll never end."

"Then we can show her that that cycle has been broken."

"She won't ever believe you, and quite honestly, I won't help you do this. I won't help you trap her because you're scared."

"This isn't about my fear."

"Of course it is," she said. "I saw the way that you looked when you thought I was about to die-"

"This has nothing to do with that," he told her. "But truth be told, this will happen, one way or another. With or without you is entirely up to you."

She frowned, watching him turn from her as he started for the console room.

"And if she did surrender?" she asked. "If she is telling the truth and she has agreed to get help?"

He turned back to look at her. "If she is still a danger to herself then precautions have to be taken."

"And what's the plan, here?" she asked him.

"Dunno. Thought I'd get in a little powwow with the other Doctor. You remember him, right? The other Doctor, the one that's supposed to be helping her? Even if it means doing something that she might not see a reason for?"

"You're not. Understanding. What I'm saying."

"I understand completely," he told her. "That girl has been hurt more than most people should in a lifetime, so much so that even with all the power in the entire universe, she still feels like she's got no reason to live. I'm saying that I want to help her see the reason that life is worth living. If that starts with making it so that she can't end herself before I can do that, then that is what I will do, even if it costs me her trust."

She nodded. "It will," she said. "It will cost you her trust and it will cost her her life, because she will not want to even remotely live in a world where there are people who are like her."

He stilled at that, before there was bare disappointment in his eyes. "Is that what you think I am? Her?" he asked. "That I'm reflecting the actions of the woman who abused you for so long? Because I'm not. I am not her. I'm doing this to help her live, not because I want to further her hurt."

"But she won't be able to see that."

"And I'm sorry, Anna, but she never will if she's not alive to see it."

The Doctor turned from her, and she felt ice running through her veins.

"Seriously?" she asked, but he didn't turn this time. "Seriously, you're really doing this."

"I really am," he told her, but he didn't look at her. She realized, in that moment, how shielded he was. He wasn't her friend, or her husband. He was The Doctor, fully and completely, and he would do this because he thought it meant that he was saving her life. No matter how much it might kill her in the process.

"This won't work," she told him. "You are killing her, and for what?" she asked. "Because you're scared?"

He didn't respond this time, and she shook her head.

"No," she said, stopping. "No, I won't let you do this." She turned, stalking off down the hall.

She was surprised, not because he was standing in front of her, but because he was standing in front of her so fast.

"Anna. You know better than anyone who I am and what it is that I do. So, you'll want to think very hard about doing this. Do you really want to do this? Because I'll do whatever I have to, to save her. Even if it means getting through you to do it."

She felt cold in that moment, though it was more in the distant way. She wasn't frightened of him. Not of the Doctor.

"And how exactly are you planning on doing that?" she asked him.

She saw something then, in his eyes. A reflection of the person she'd come to know, not the myths and legends that portrayed him over the years.

"Anna, please, don't do this. Don't make me turn into the person who stops you." He took a step towards her. "We are on the same side here. We both want the same thing. Help me to help her."

She took a step back, crossing her arms. "I am," she told him. "By making sure that she knows there is someone that she can trust, no matter what happens."

"By telling her that the person she's meant to be trusting is planning on, what, hurting her- do not do this, Anna."

He'd grabbed her upper arm, and she regarded him, coldly. He tried to put on a brave face, but it was failing.

"I'm giving you one-"

"Don't say it, Doctor." He barely flinched at that, pursing his lips. "You're drawing a line you can't undraw."

"Then don't make me draw it. Please."

There was a genuinely pleading look in his eyes, begging her not to do this, to just be on his side.

She felt herself barely soften. "Why can't you just trust that, in this instance, I know what's best for her?"

"You know what'll make her feel safest," he told her. "And right now, that isn't a good thing."

Realization fell through her, and she knew the shock reflected in her eyes. He wasn't letting the hope fall through his eyes, though. Not yet.

"Oh," she said, quietly, and she looked down at the floor, before she furrowed her brows, looking up at him. "What's the difference?" she genuinely asked.

He wasn't deterred, even taking a step closer to her.

"The difference is that her feeling safe means that there's always an element of danger just around the corner, ready to strike at a moment's notice. If we let that pattern continue, she will not recover, and that is not something that I can abide."

She let out a sigh, shaking her head as she looked away. "What exactly is your plan?"

"Are you asking because you're trying to help, or because you're figuring out how best to try to stop me?"

"I'm trying to help," she said, looking up at him.

He barely smiled, though it wasn't with any sort of warmth or friendliness. It was a courtesy more than anything else. Like how he'd smiled at the Tivoli in the Nightmare Hotel (though with noticeably less malice). "Good," he said. "Come along, then."

She immediately dug her heels in when he tried to drag her down the hall.

"Where to?"

"The console room," he said, and he tugged on her arm. "Come along."

"I can walk on my own," she said, trying to yank her arm free. Though he wasn't harsh about it, he didn't release her.

"I know," he said, before he repeated, "Come along."

She felt herself snarl before she tried to yank her arm free once more. He once again kept his hand clasped on her upper arm.

"You're an ass," she told him, in no uncertain terms.

"If it keeps you alive, I'll happily take on that roll."

She didn't try to yank her arm out of his grip.

But, she didn't try to speak, either.

It meant that they were walking to the console room in silence.

#####

"So, what's the plan, then?" she asked, hugging herself. The Doctor had finally released her, though he was keeping himself between her and the door. Not that it was necessary. It wasn't like she was about to run back to her and try to help her escape, or anything. She hadn't even tried, as Asshole Bowtie explained the situation to Pinstripe.

"Currently, I've got no idea, but we can brainstorm something. Considering that you're helping, and everything," he reminded her.

"You don't have to be so condescending about it."

"I'm not trying to be," he told her. "And if that is how I'm coming across, then I am sorry. I want to help her, and that means, right now, doing something that she might not like. It might be easier, though, if you told us how to ease that pain."

"Not trapping her would be a good start," she pointed out.

"Even if it means that she can get out at any time and throw herself into a supernova, thereby ending her life, fairly ineffectually, considering she'd be dying over and over again."

"It would be better than being conscious all the time," she said.

There was a brief pause, before he began to speak. "Is that a no on ideas?"

"No," she said, a note of desperation in her voice as she rubbed at her forehead. "I'm just not even sure where to start with something like this. It literally tears at every fiber of my being, to even talk about trapping her."

"Then don't think of it like that," he said. "Think of it as helping her."

She felt the snarl envelope her face before the laugh bubbled up. "You did not just say that."

"I didn't mean it in the way that it's no doubt reminded you of," he told her.

"Oh my god, stop talking to me like I'm- I'm one of them!" she said, turning back to look at him, which was leaps and bounds from where she'd been.

"One of who?" he asked.

"One of the people that you save, like I'm some-some outsider who doesn't understand anything about you! I know more about you than anyone has in your entire life, more than you probably want anybody to ever know-"

"But this isn't about me, is it?" he asked. "This is about her, the woman that I am trying so desperately to save! You want me to stop talking to you like you're an outsider? Then stop acting like one. Stop acting like what she wants is more important than her life, because the most important thing is her life, even if neither of you can see that!"

Anger rushed through him as quick as anything, and she watched as he turned away, not even trying to calm himself.

"I'm trying to save her life-"

"You're trying to preserve old patterns that you think kept her alive-"

"Because they did. Doing this, being alone, running from people who made her feel trapped, that is how she stayed alive past eleven years of being suicidal. Eleven years, Doctor. Eleven years with at least three of them spent every single day thinking that it would be better to be dead than alive. You want to tell me that I don't know what's best for her? I fucking was her, so don't you goddamn dare tell me that I don't know what's best for her, you cow." She searched him, feeling rage devolving through her. He didn't turn back to look at her, didn't do her the courtesy. "The thing that'll keep her alive is not trapping her, the thing that will keep her alive is trusting her when she says that she'll get help."

Everything fell out of him. She watched it happen, as he devolved back to that stranger.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, and he did something he'd never done before.

He dismissed her. Completely and utterly, he dismissed her. She watched as he walked back over to the console, speaking with his other self, even as his other self glanced at her.

"She said that there was a way that we'd found to turn her powers back on. I think if we scan her, we should be able to-"

Maybe it was because she realized that he was serious, but she knew that if he did this, Sadasaclam!Anna would die. She couldn't let that happen.

She grit her teeth before she spoke.

"If you make it so that she can't teleport off the Tardis, that should do it. No need to do anything else," she said. "Increase the molecular density, or- or make it so that-" she shook her head, looking down. "God, I hate this," she said, her face crumpling, before she shook her head again. "However you can do that, to make it so that the molecules can't be moved around, do that. She won't be looking to get out of the Tardis anytime soon, but if she does exit her room, you can make… like, a block, just for her, that stretches for a really long time so that, at the very least, she's… distracted."

She shook her head, gritting her teeth.

"If she tries to teleport out and finds that she can't, then just tell her that… that she can't, or that you're doing repairs or something. I'm sure you'll be able to lie to her." She shook her head again before she squeezed her eyes shut. "Initiate 51/50 protocols, make it so that she can't access…" she felt the sob welling up in her chest, but every bit of her was angry, so it wasn't hard not to, no matter how much she wanted to. "Any rooms that have sharp objects, or things she can hurt herself with. Um…" she shook her head. "If you-if you make it harder for the molecules to move, to be manipulated, she won't be able to do as much. And…" She shook her head again, looking down even further. "Don't put her to sleep. Don't force her to come out of her room, and if she doesn't want medication, don't force it on her. Even hospitals don't make you take medication if you don't want them, and yes, I'm speaking from experience, so shut up." She felt frustration burst through her. "Just shut up!"

She looked up at them, desperately.

"You have no right to do this!"

Bowtie held up his hands placatingly, taking steps towards her. She immediately moved back, shaking her head, though there was that same desperation on her face. He paused where he'd stepped.

"Maybe not," he said. "But if I will do it, if it means keeping her alive."

She realized what he was, then. The man who made the hard choices. He was the Doctor. And, he was doing what the Doctor did. Making the hard choice because people would live as a result.

He was making the hard choice of standing against her because it meant that she would live.

She put her hands over her mouth, collapsing.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, past her sobs.

"Hey, hey, I've got you," he said, holding her. "Sh, I've got you, I've got you."

She didn't know what got into her, then. She could blame it on the high strung emotions, or the realization that the Doctor was being his usual amazing self, but in the next moment, she didn't see him as anything but her Doctor.

It was why she reached out, kissing him.

It must've caught him off guard because he pulled back, surprised, and she shook her head.

"Sorry," she said, quietly, shaking her head. "I'm sorry."

It wasn't until that moment that she realized it wasn't only her head shaking, it was the rest of her, too.

"Come on," he said, taking off his coat. He wrapped it around her, placing it around her shoulders, before he led her to the jumpseat, sitting her down on it. He crouched down in front of her, even as she stared listlessly at the grating, though he rubbed her upper arms, like he was trying to get heat back into them. "Once this is finished, we'll head back to the Tardis," he told her, quietly. She closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"I don't want to talk about this," she said, quietly. "I'm not-I'm not mad, or anything, I just- I can't talk about this right now."

"That's fine, Anna. That's totally understandable. Just give us a mo, all right?"

She nodded her understanding, clutching onto the jacket between her fingertips. He moved away from her, but she didn't move from her spot. Not until they'd landed the Tardis and were already exiting. She didn't say anything to the other Doctor, but what was strange was the fact that he didn't try to, either, not even a last minute nugget of wisdom.

Maybe because there was part of him that understand that sometimes, words just didn't help.

##AM##

They made their way back to the Tardis in silence, Anna shivering all the while. She couldn't believe how hard today had been, how hard it still was. But, that was the Doctor's life. Doing the hard thing because, sometimes, there were no good choices, but he still had to choose.

She shook her head, biting her lip as she sat down outside of the Tardis.

"I'm not heading inside," she told him, quietly.

"Then we can just be out here," he told her, "until you're ready."

"I won't be, ever," she told him, looking up at him. "We can't just do that to her, just leave her in that situation. She won't understand, she won't know-"

"I won't ask if you trust me," he interrupted her, his hands in his pockets as he stood over her. "Because right now, I think that would be salt on an already open wound. But, I will ask you this: After seeing everything that you have seen about me, do you feel like I am ill-equipped to deal with that situation?"

She bit her lip, before she shook her head, looking down. "No," she said, quietly.

"Then is it possible that she might be okay?"

She nodded, pulling the sleeves of his coat over her fingers. "Yes."

"Then would it be okay if we headed back inside, now?"

She looked out at Times Square. "Yes," she said. She looked away from him. "I still hate this, though."

"Hate what?"

"You, treating me like I'm an outsider." She said the word like it was a curse word, looking back down at her lap as she rolled the sleeves of his coat through her fingers.

There was barely a pause between them. "In that scenario, I had to do what I did to save her life. Even if it meant treating you like… one of the people that I save. Because there is nothing more important than saving a life."

She stood up at that, reaching out and kissing him, hard. He wasn't as surprised by it this time, but he didn't push her away, either. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pushing her back against the door. He started to deepen the kiss before she felt the door come open behind her, and she felt herself being pushed back into the Tardis.

The interior was darkened, though she didn't notice that until she pulled away from him, pushing her hands against his chest as she pushed him away.

"Doctor, we can't do this," she said.

He honest to goodness growled, clasping tightly onto her wrist. "Why not?" he asked.

She felt something that couldn't be a thrill of fear running through her. "Because I don't want to," she firmly said.

He immediately released her, taking a step back as he held up his hands, though it looked like he was getting his breath back. "Anna, I won't do anything that you don't want me to-"

"Well, that's a relief to hear, cause I'd have to kick your sorry arse if that weren't the case."

Both of them looked at the voice that had spoken. It appeared to be the 13th Doctor, standing in what had previously been the darkened console room, but was now lit up with a light that surrounded her.

"Hello, Anna. We've to talk."

She felt it. The rush of energy as they were teleported away from wherever it was that they were. She didn't know where they were, now, but it was some room somewhere that was lit up not from the light of the 13th Doctor, who was slowly losing her light (which she assumed was courtesy of a future Anna).

"What're you doing here?" she asked, still feeling herself reeling from emotions of the day.

"It's like I said. We need to talk."

"Care to clarify, or are you going to be miss mystic the entire time?"

"Back in Pompeii-"

She shook her head, turning away. "We really don't need to drudge this up right now."

"I lied," she said, and everything about Anna froze, though she felt herself turning to look back at the 13th Doctor without actually doing the moving herself (in the way that she was numb, not that anybody was moving her body for her). "Or, you lied to me, would be a better way to put that. Said that what we did worked, that the paradox was enough." She shook her head, though Anna felt relief rushing through her. She wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. "Apparently, there were some… complications. So, after that didn't work, we ended up having to harness the power of the paradoxes that came from you not having your feelings. And... the person we're trying to save... Or were, at any rate."

She frowned, looking down at the Doctor. "Are they okay?"

She realized, in that moment, that the 13th Doctor looked tired. More tired than she'd ever seen her look. "They're alive. What we did is a poor man's solution, but there's that, at least."

"You must really care about them," she said. "You don't normally get this broody about people that you don't care as much about."

"Stop it," she said. "It's not funny."

"I'm not laughing," she said, and she'd never said anything so true in her entire life.

The Doctor shook her head. "It's like I said, they're alive," she continued. "That's all that matters, in the end. Even if it is a poor excuse of a life."

She narrowed her eyes, remembering what she'd said. "I don't understand," she said. "I thought my feelings were me, influencing the universe or… whatever."

"Your feelings are much more complicated than either of us ever knew,"

She shook her head. "Okay, but also, you're… saying that you wanted me to turn off my powers so that you could… harness the power of the paradoxes that happened from my not following my feelings?" she shook her head. "Except you can't have done. Because the Tardis-"

"-was against this plan, every step of the way. She's not even letting either of us back in right now. Not like you're fighting her, either."

"Seriously?" she asked. "You want to be inside of an 11th dimensional being that's pissed off at you?"

"You'll say about the same, in the future. My point was, that was me, dressed up in fancy dress."

Her eyes narrowed again. "It couldn't have been," she told her. "You said things only the Tardis knew-"

"Because I'd seen 'her' saying them, in the conversation that you showed me. I said what I had done, as her. It was meant to give you the final push, to do what needed to be done, but I never meant any of what I said then, either," she told her. "I promise, I didn't, and look at you, now. You willingly shut off your powers so that you could live your life with me, so that you could show yourself that you could trust me-"

"Can I?"

"Anna," she said, sounding slightly hurt.

She shook her head. "Sorry," she said. "Sorry, just… long day- bad day. Long, bad day."

"I know the feeling."

She glanced up at her before she shook her head. "I'm sorry I couldn't do it. Save whoever it was what needed saving."

"Normally, I'd tell you it isn't your fault, but unfortunately, this time, it is on both of us."

She raised her eyebrows listlessly, laughing much the same. "That's different. You actually letting me take the blame this time."

"Just this once, you deserve it."

She felt the sting. "New feeling, a Doctor angry at me and not the other way around."

"Never said I was angry with you," she said. "Just said you didn't save someone you could've done. Bound to happen eventually, though I wish-" she stopped herself, barely laughing. "What a horribly selfish thought that was, and I don't even care for a second because it's true."

She raised her eyebrows, surprise running through her. "Is it me?" she asked.

"What?" she replied.

"The person that you're trying to save."

"No," she said, heaving out a sigh. "No, it's someone that I care about even more than you. Never thought I'd say that, but here we are."

She furrowed her brows before she narrowed her eyes. "Why do this now? Why tell me this now?"

"Because it's time to turn your powers back on."

She smiled humorlessly. "Just like that?" she asked. "You get to decide-" she bit her lip, closing her eyes. "No, that's not how I meant it, but shouldn't I get some say, considering that these are my powers?"

"Anna, you need your powers on," she said. "You have to follow your feelings. They are important, so important, more important than you can know."

"And why's that, then?"

She smiled sadly. "Spoilers," she said, before she started to approach Anna.

Anna, especially after the day she'd had, deserved all the medals for not flinching back.

"What're you doing?"

"Turning your powers back on."

She frowned as she brought her hands up to her face, resting them there. "And how're you doing that, then?"

"Like this."

She was surprised when she brought her lips crashing down onto hers.

It wasn't just a kiss. It was everything that she hadn't been able to say but everything she'd so desperately wanted to. A moment later, Anna's brain kicked into gear and started to kiss her back.

A moment after that, she felt it. The knot loosening in her chest, the power rushing through her. She cringed back, gasping in a breath as the Doctor held her up.

"See?" she asked. "True love's kiss works every time."

She barely laughed at that. "Didn't peg you for a hopeless romantic."

"Really wasn't before you came along."

She barely glanced up at her, not mentioning a certain blonde she'd seen not hours ago.

It especially didn't come up because she released her, taking a few steps back.

"Where are you off to?" she asked, rubbing at her chest uncomfortably. It obviously wasn't the kiss that had brought the powers back. Future Anna had just turned them back on, and had used the kiss as a front because she'd remembered herself doing that.

"Back to the future," she said, before she closed her eyes, groaning. "I did not just say that."

"You did, though," she said, and even after the day she'd had, she couldn't help but smile.

The Doctor shook her head, looking down at her with a slight smile on her face. It fell, and she opened her mouth, about to say something that she probably shouldn't. "Anna?"

"Yeah?" she asked, despite knowing that she shouldn't.

But, the Doctor didn't say whatever she shouldn't have, probably considering warning her of the future that was yet to come. Instead, she closed her mouth, smiling. "I love you," she said.

"Love you, too."

She disappeared, and Anna smiled softly at the spot where her wife had been, whispering two words.

"My Doctor."

She lost her smile a moment later as she thought about what she had yet to do.

She had a choice, now. Head back to the Chen marketplace and pick up where she'd left off, or head back to the Anna she'd so recklessly abandoned with a Doctor who thought he understood pain that he didn't.

It wasn't really a choice, was it?

A/N: This behemouth of a chapter is over! I hope you enjoyed it and the themes that it explored. That being said, if you or someone you know is struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, you're not alone. The number for the national suicide prevention hotline is 1(800)273-8255.

As always, thank you for reading, and don't forget to review!