Hidden Tales From The Chamber of Secrets - 92 - Spit Take and Alkahest
by Polydicta
Two related crossover shorts from Harry Potter (Master of Death) in the Alien universe. Not your usual Alien fare.
Disclaimer:
All fiction is derivative and fan fiction doubly so. I make no claim to own any part of any of the following, all I have done is an attempt to put together the elements in a novel fashion, using words and ideas like Lego ™ bricks.
There is no money involved – all I do is to share what I do for my own amusement.
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Hidden Tales From The Chamber of Secrets - 92 - Spit Take and Alkahest
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Spit Take
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As the Master of Death, Harry had lived a long, long time. He had seen mankind leave for the stars.
Indeed, Harry had been the main instigator of the "borrowing" of a colony ship and flying it to a garden planet some distance from Earth, with a full complement of witches, wizards and other magical folks. He had been instrumental in putting the whole planet under the fidelius charm as a way of maintaining the statute of secrecy.
What Harry was doing right now was being a stow-away on the space tug Nostromo. Not that he couldn't pay his passage, but he found it more fun to stow away. Harry, by the application of a translation charm, had already determined that the transmission that had brought them to this godforsaken planet was actually only a bloody plague warning.
That bloody android, Ash, had brought something on board that was killing the crew. He supposed that he'd have to go and clean up the mess at some point. No hurry, he was enjoying a bottle of six hundred year old firewhiskey.
While he was kicked back in his out-of-the-way, makeshift quarters, something arrived.
Something big.
Something with far too many teeth and a ruddy tongue with a tooth-filled mouth on the end ...
Harry did a spit-take, spraying the creature with a full mouthful of firewhiskey.
Then he was shocked as the armoured horror simply melted away under the influence of the drink.
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Alkahest
When Harry was bored he'd either go and do something stupid, dangerous, illegal or educational. This time he had managed to combine all four with a study of Alchemy. He'd gone a long way into the subject with Albus Dumbledore, but now he was breaking new ground which is where the three non-education based areas came into play.
Harry had reached the point in his studies where he needed access to a universal solvent, Alkahest.
Alkahest, a substance capable of dissolving anything, had been a matter of philosophical debate for centuries.
The only place where he had seen anything that might even begin to pass as Alkahest was in the veins of those armoured horrors from LV-426. Harry chartered a small ship and, well, off he went.
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He had his xenomorph immobilised with magic, but every time he tried to collect some of the thing's blood, it dissolved the container, the bench, the floor, the rocks below the floor ...
He had even tried casting the impervious and imperturbable charms on his bottles.
He sat and considered the problem. As usual he was drinking his stock of ancient firewhiskey. Indeed, he had just ... finished ... the ... Ah... Memories.
Said empty firewhiskey bottle was held in a suitable location for collecting the blood of the alien. A full bottle later, Harry shoved the cork into the bottle.
Harry shoved the hapless xenomorph nightmare horror out of the airlock and back onto the planet's surface, and headed home with his bottle of universal solvent, housed in a bottle that could not be dissolved by something that dissolved anything ...
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A/N :
I often wonder what Hagrid's attitude to Xenomorphs might be?
And then I think I'm better off not knowing.
Then I wonder if Hagrid might be behind the Weyland Yutani Corporation's edict to capture a xenomorph specimen alive, no matter the cost.
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