Chapter 30 – Of End and Beginning

There was pain and heaviness at first. She blinked her eyes a couple of times. The sunlight was too strong. But even without looking she could feel him near her within seconds. There it was, a deep sigh of relief as she stirred, and suddenly a touch of his hand on hers.

She grabbed hold of his hand before she fully opened her eyes.

Hermione smiled at Ron who was drinking her in like she was the water he had been longing for his whole life.

"Ron," she breathed, her voice hoarse and barely audible. As colour was returning to his face, he finally managed to crack a smile.

"Just like in the beginning," he mumbled, looking down at their holding hands and taking in a deep breath now that he finally could. "Remember? I said your name in my sleep, back at the hospital…"

"Feels pretty full circle, doesn't it, here at the end?" croaked Hermione, realizing for the first time how raw her throat felt. Ron guessed at this and handed her a glass of water. She downed it in a couple of gulps. Trying to sit up, Hermione groaned at the pain that swept over her body.

"Easy," said Ron softly. Leaning forward and grabbing her by the shoulders gently, he helped her get into a sitting position. It should've hurt, and maybe it did, but Hermione didn't realize. The closeness of him next to her and his face so near hers soothed the pain. "How do you feel?"

"Rusty," she responded with another wince as she reached for the glass Ron refilled with water. "Like my bones and joints are parts of an old, old tree. What happened?" Memories of the whole event came slowly flooding back, but they were in a mess still.

"You were…incredible," he said breathlessly. "I've never seen anything like it. So many things happened at once, so many curses, and you in the middle of it. Harry called it wandless protective magic. It went a little out of control at the end, and I thought you died, but you somehow…you seemed to absorb all the magic around you and compress it, and then it left you like a beam of dark light."

"I did magic..." Hermione felt tears run down her cheeks and the completeness that followed kept the lingering pain at bay.

"Yes," said Ron and he managed to smile brightly at her. The pride and awe in his look were so intense Hermione almost felt healed in both her body and soul. "You did magic. But why don't you try to see for yourself."

Ron took out her wand from his pocket and handed it to her. Once more Hermione took it between her fingers. It was light in her hand as she ran her thumb along the delicate carvings. She expected to feel the fear and doubt to gnaw at her resolve, but there was none.

She briefly thought of what spell to use. As she looked at Ron, feeling the happiness and joy unfurl inside her at the sight of him, she uttered the incantation.

The sunlit hospital room was suddenly bathed in silver light as the otter burst from the tip of her wand, swirling playfully around them. Ron laughed as it swished underneath his arms with easy grace. His laughter and the way his smile lit up his face claimed all of Hermione's attention, and the otter vanished into soft white mist.

"Is everyone else safe?" Hermione asked after a moment.

"A bit bruised up, but nothing too bad."

Hermione set the wand on her bedside table and sat up a little straighter. "So do we know? What happened to us, I mean."

The brightness that emanated from Ron a second ago dispersed. His face darkened as he recounted to Hermione in detail the whole truth, or what he had heard of it at the Manor.

"It seems to be irreversible. There's a slight chance they might succeed in brewing a potion, but I don't know about that. Right now it seems we're never getting our memories back, at least not the easy way. There is the possibility that with enough time, we might recall more and more…like until now, we were able to remember bits and pieces if our subconscious was triggered in the right way."

Hermione didn't respond. She bit her lip and looked toward the window. Many things rushed through her mind as she was, once more, grieving the loss of all that past.

"What about Chelsea?" she asked. "How is she?"

"She was pretty freaked out by the whole thing, obviously. Dad suggests we should wipe her memory. It's the standard procedure, but somehow I don't feel that's right, considering what happened to us…and anyway, I love this world, and I love magic, but the way how readily people just go around erasing and managing and adjusting people's memories feels wrong. I mean, look at us. I don't want to have another person go on feeling confused like they've lost something but can't remember what. I mean," Ron added, going red around the ears, "maybe it will be better for her to just forget all this fright and mostly what a git I've been to her. But I still want to give her a choice."

"I think that's the right thing to do," Hermione said with a small frown. She agreed with Ron. Delving deeper into the workings of the magical world, she kept finding out that for every wonderful aspect of it, there was an equally sinister one to match.

There was a lot of work to be done, and Hermione felt like she'd like to be a part of improving this reality. Her love and fascination of the world of magic outweighed her contempt of it. Wizards were only just people in the end, too.

Ron's voice interrupted her thoughts. "You saved my life again. Of course, based on all the stories Harry's told us, you did seem to have a habit of doing that. Even without him telling me, though, I think I've known all along."

"We all saved each other. You saved me by believing in me."

Ron held her gaze, softly and fiercely at the same time, and Hermione shivered as a result.

"What happens now?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.

Hermione shrugged her shoulders, but the sadness she was supposed to feel didn't quite reach her. There was acceptance in the heartache.

"You know," Ron went on, grinning sheepishly and glancing toward the window, "I really thought that after all of that, the memories would just come rushing in. I thought the shock and trauma of the whole incident, or that magic of yours would break the spell."

"I guess some spells can't be broken. They're to be lived with."

Ron smiled sadly at her words. Hermione thought about their last conversation prior to the battle at the Manor, and something told her he was thinking about it, too. Many words were spoken that time at the Burrow. Hermione would wager a guess that a lot of them have been misunderstood, perhaps on both parts.

Despite Ron's closeness, their parting words from that day still hung between them. The gap left between them by the absence of their past and memories had no way of being filled. The shock of finding out that it was maybe forever numbed both of their brave hearts.

"With or without memories, Hermione, I'll always care about you," Ron said at last, looking at his own hands. "I'll let you sleep now, but I will be back."

Standing up from his chair, Ron bent down and kissed Hermione on the mouth, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. It was quick and tender. It could've been a kiss between friends, between a parent and a child, or merely a speck of connection between two souls that have been seeking each other for far too long now.

Their eyes met briefly one more time before Ron walked out of the room. And even if it only lasted less than one full heartbeat, Hermione could feel his lips lingering on hers for hours to come.

Ron and Chelsea were sitting opposite each other in a coffee shop. Ron's hands were wrapped around the steaming mug as he cast furtive glances at Chelsea who was looking out the window, still processing all that had been said. Ron had just finally told her the whole story. Or, better said, filled in the blanks for her since she had heard a lot of it already at Malfoy Manor. He told her about who he was and what happened to him. He told her about the people that had kidnapped them. He told her about Hermione.

All through his talking, Chelsea listened patiently. Ron admired her courage. After all she had been through, she still sat there, looking at him in wonder where other people would be scared or traumatized.

"So I guess you're not coming back." It was a statement, not a question.

Ron offered a nervous smile and shook his head. Nodding her head, Chelsea bit her lip and looked away.

"You said this…Ministry wants to erase all memory of this incident, is that right?"

"Yes, but if you don't want that, I'll make sure it doesn't happen."

She considered it for a while. After a pause, she turned to look back at him.

"I mean..." she sighed deeply. "It was terrifying. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my entire life. But..." She bit her lip and frowned. "I don't want them to take my memories. I don't want to forget you. It has nothing to do with romance," she added quickly when she noticed Ron was about to look embarrassed. "You were a friend to me. You made me laugh and you believed in my art. You were the first person to hang up my drawings on a wall. You showed me that good people exist again. I may have had a crush on you and it might take me a bit longer to outgrow it…but maybe some people are supposed to come into your life for a while even if they're not meant to stay, and that's alright." Chelsea's voice sounded a little choked towards the end.

Ron felt his own heart clench and unclench as he watched her being so honest, genuine and kind. He wasn't sure if he deserved any of it, but he was grateful all the same.

"And there is magic in this world," she said breathlessly and a glowing smile spread across her lips, "terrible and scary, but also wonderful magic and people who channel their love through it like…like her. I don't ever want to forget that."

Ron reached out a hand to squeeze hers. They grinned at each other fondly, like old friends.

Chelsea shifted in her seat and took a drink from her coffee as they fell silent again. She glanced back up at him, a curious bold spark in her eye. "Do you love her…Hermione?"

Ron froze for only a second, his breath caught in his throat, heart skipping a beat. And then he exhaled as the relief of truth washed over him. In spite of the fear and uncertainty of what awaited him and Hermione down the road, he said, "Yes, I love her."

It was odd confessing his feelings about Hermione to Chelsea, but it was the truth, and he felt he owed it to her not to lie and hide anymore.

Chelsea smiled, without any shadow of sadness. "Good."

"Listen," Ron said suddenly with sudden glee, eyes lighting up. "I wanted to show you something."

He reached a hand inside his jacket and pulled out a rolled piece of paper. As he unrolled it, it turned out to be one of Chelsea's drawings. It portrayed a young girl wearing a superhero cape. She stood on the edge of a cliff with arms raised and in the original drawing, waves of the sea were drawn risen at her command. Now, after Ron had charmed it, the waves roaring up, rising to touch the dark blue sky came in and out of the picture in fluid repetitive motion.

Chelsea gasped when it happened, covering her mouth with her hands.

"It's moving! Is it...is this magic, too?"

She glanced at him with bright eyes and Ron grinned at her, leaning back into his seat.

"I may have a business proposition for you."

Hermione had many visitors that day. Molly and Arthur dropped by with Victoire who drew Hermione three different pictures. One was showing her fighting hooded stick figures, her wand emitting fire. The second one was a regular one of Hermione smiling; here Victoire put a lot of effort in making her curly hair really stand up from her head. The third one, which Hermione now kept under her pillow, pictured her holding hands with Ron.

Molly made her a basket full of food and Arthur brought over the tiniest television set ever in case she got bored.

Ginny popped in from work and raved again about all the magic Hermione performed without really knowing how. Apparently there was a plethora of wizarding specialists who already wanted to interview and study her. George bustled in with a book under his arm, and they spent over an hour discussing To Kill a Mockingbird and how he had been reading it into the night. He was accompanied by Percy who brought her a stack of Daily Prophets with highlighted articles he thought might interest her.

Ludwig Steiner sent her a detailed letter with his analysis of the events. Hermione skimmed through it and appreciated his time and effort, but it felt like she already knew everything he had to say, if not more.

Last visitor of the day was a tired looking Harry, though as he stepped into her room, he greeted her with a big smile.

"Hey, I brought everything that was on your list," he said and placed a heavy bag full of what seemed to be books on the floor next to her bed. She had sent a list of things she might need while having to remain at St. Mungo's for further observation. "I'm actually surprised you haven't read them all already."

"Mostly I have," she said, grinning back, "but I think I'm ready for a second reading."

"Second reading?"

"You know, sometimes when you study and you read something for the first time your brain needs to familiarize itself with the text. After that, you do a second reading and actually start learning and remembering."

"Okay, sure," Harry said grinning. "I like a bit of reading, when it's useful, reading spell books and things about Quidditch or some relevant history here and there, though this..." Harry picked up a copy of Hogwarts: A History and smiled. "I'm sorry to say this might just never make it to my to-read list."

Hermione chuckled back at him. "When you say all this, I kind of feel like I already know. It's starting to feel more like I just need to be prodded and reminded."

"What's in the letter?" Harry asked, noticing the open envelope on Hermione's bedside table.

Clearing her throat, Hermione sat up straighter in her bed. "Ludwig thinks that I wasn't capable of any magic until now because I was suppressing this whole thing. I mean, it kind of makes sense. I think a part of me just refused to accept all of this was real. It's like I still held on to the idea of that fake life I was pulled out of, because it made more sense and it was safe. And it stopped me from fully embracing who I really was."

Harry thought about it, amused how even if Hermione was as intelligent and bright as ever, she was still the same girl that could also be challenged when confronted with the unusual bordering on impossible.

"But then," she continued with a crease through her forehead, "being there, at the Manor, something clicked into place. Maybe it was the danger and adrenaline, my fear for you and Ron, but it was all suddenly so real and every fibre of my being believed."

Hermione's hand rested on the Mudblood carving on her arm.

"Out of all the things and memories I wanted you to have back, that was something I wish you needn't have relived," Harry said sadly.

"I think it needed to happen. When I was there, for the first time I felt that all those things you said about our adventures and journey was the truth. I dreamed about that place, and I can hear her if I really try to remember…" Her voice trailed off and Harry gripped her hand without realizing. "I can't remember her face or any other details, this Bellatrix woman, but the voice is there, that cackling high-pitched laughter, and the fear that all was over, but also…" She stopped for a second, her cheeks going red. She didn't want to voice the next thought but then she no longer knew why she shouldn't. "And also Ron's voice, calling my name."

Harry could hardly ever forget that either.

"Every time he says my name, I feel a little bit more real, like another lost piece falls back into place."

"I appreciate you telling me this," he said softly, "but tell Ron, too, yeah?" he added through a small frown.

Hermione wiped away a stray tear and laughed at Harry's pained expression at the prospect of another one of their misunderstandings. Her heart sped up all the same, because she wasn't sure what was going to happen with them.

But later that night, as she was falling asleep with her bluebell flames dying out in a spare jar, her face pressed into an open book, she heard the door to her room creak open. Barely awake, she felt the book being gently taken away. There was the sound of a breath, and the pale blue light of the flames were extinguished. She smelled Ron's fresh scent, mingled with the smell of rain. He pulled up a blanket to cover her and then the chair next to her bed shifted on the floor as he collapsed onto it, surely tired as much as she was.

Hermione reached out a hand through the darkness. She felt him grab it softly, rubbing circles into her wrist with his thumb.

The slightest pull and a sigh was all she had energy for, and Ron went to lie down beside her. He hugged her from behind and nestled his face in the crook of her neck.

Smiling into her pillow, Hermione fell asleep.

Two days later, Hermione was released from St. Mungo's. Ron had gone to see her every day. They studied together and talked together, and there were so man things to discuss, the lingering question of their relationship never came up.

Ron tried his best to act natural around her, but there was a certain delicacy to the way he approached her. Once the threat of death and joy of being alive wore off, old fears settled back in. They were not fears exactly, Ron told himself, rather a caution, the need to do things right this time.

Once Hermione was out of the hospital, life had swept them both up unexpectedly. There were the hearings and trials they were to attend to with their kidnappers. Ron's Auror training began, and with both that and helping George at the shop, Hermione hardly ever saw him. She herself was busy, too.

She moved out of Harry and Ginny's apartment shortly after her release from the hospital. She'd miss them, but she felt the fresh soon-to-be parents needed the space.

Ron agreed for her to move into their old house after finding out about it, for however long she would need. Hermione tried not to feel disappointed at how quickly he gave up all claim to the house, or any desire to deal with it together with her.

He decided to move in with George above the joke shop to be near. Life went on for both of them. Hermione immersed herself in fixing up the house and in studying extensively. To her delight, the more she delved into her books and endless rolls of parchment notes she had kept from school, the more it felt like revision rather than learning things from scratch. Within two weeks, she signed up to retake her N.E.W.T.s. Everyone kept persuading her it was quite unnecessary since she had already once achieved best marks in the examinations, but Hermione insisted.

The pain from finding out the medical career of her old life was based on lies still gnawed at her. It turned out she had been taking extensive Healer training before she and Ron disappeared, but that barely eased her guilt.

She would have to start all over again. It was daunting, but it was a challenge Hermione was ready to undertake. Having her magic back changed things dramatically for her, like a bone or an organ had been finally retrieved and placed back in her body. Sitting in the empty but clean living room of her and Ron's restored house, she thought of the moment in the Burrow's garden when she managed to conjure her first spark.

Ron had been there, just as he had been there on that night when they made love and the world around them literally rattled from the magic that flowed from that act of desire and love. At the Manor, him believing in her and she believing in him, it brought back a faith she had almost given up on.

Hermione had also finally acknowledged her jealousy from before. While falling in love with Ron, she had almost resented him at the same time. She had hated that he was not only better at magic (as if he didn't deserve to be) but also instrumental in her becoming the powerful witch she truly was. She knew better now. She wasn't any less of a witch, she wasn't weak just because Ron had believed in her and helped her walk on this difficult path that they shared together. People needed people, and there was no shame in that.

She missed him, she realized with a pang. Even though she partly understood why he was keeping his distance, she hated it. Her eyes fell once more on the ring she kept on the windowsill, that pretty yet heavy thing that weighed down on them both. She was torn between wanting to wear it and tossing it out of the window for all the grief it had caused them.

An idea struck her the next moment, and while it was positively insane, Hermione grabbed her cloak and the ring box, and disappeared on the spot before she'd have the time to hesitate.

She Apparated to Diagon Alley and stumbled onto the cobblestones, scraping her knee. She had to fight the urge to throw up. She was still a bit clumsy when using this particular means of transport.

She made a mental note to apologize to Ron for glowering at him for trying to do all sorts of magic all the time. Now that she could do it, too, she also couldn't contain herself.

It was summer now, and Hermione mused how fast the time had gone. Light blue clouds of evening lazed around the sky as she walked through the streets, looking for Weasleys' Wizarding Wheezes.

Locating the shop, Hermione slowly made her way towards the entrance. A poster announcing a soon-to-be-released graphic novel hung on the door. Hermione recognized the few advertised pictures as Chelsea's. Despite the sudden lurch of anxiety in her stomach, she smiled. They looked very good, the illustrations moving like the magical photographs, but with so much more colour and life, way more vibrant.

Ron was exactly where she thought she'd find him at this time. After an entire day of Auror training, he would usually go to spend some time at George's joke shop. As she entered, she could see he looked a bit tired, but also happy. There was a joyful spark in his eye as he was explaining something to a customer. Hermione hung at the door and waited for the interaction to end, all the while fixated upon his grin and the way his ginger hair fell into his blue eyes.

Moments later, he noticed her. His eyebrows jumped in surprise, but the corners of his mouth turned upwards into a smile that made Hermione go red in the face. She nodded to herself, repeating a mantra of resolution under her breath. Just do it.

She stepped from one foot to the other, and then walked to the counter, feeling the weight of the ring in her coat pocket.

"Hey, it's nice to see you, what are you-"

"I'd like to give you this," Hermione cut in, so nervous she simply had to skip all the initial pleasantries no matter how much she enjoyed Ron smiling at her. She took the box with the ring from her pocket and placed it on the counter in front of him.

Ron's face fell as he picked it up and examined the ring inside with a hollow shadow in his eyes. He couldn't look at her, couldn't even breathe.

"You're returning it?" he asked, his voice sounding all strange and choked.

"No."

Ron dared to look up. She stood in front of him with windswept hair, eyes a little wide and cheeks flaming red. She then smiled nervously while fidgeting with her sleeves.

"I'm giving it to you because right now I don't really feel like it's mine. And maybe I would like it to be. I mean, I'd like to perhaps get it back from you one day. When you're ready," she added hastily at the look of shock on Ron's face. The heat that travelled from her face to the rest of her body was unbearable. The longer Ron stared at her without a word, the more she wanted to bury her face in her arms and never look at him again.

"Okay," he croaked, closing the box and stuffing it into his pocket. "Okay."

"Okay," Hermione repeated and as their eyes met, the sudden lightness that passed between them snuffed out the last of the tension. They both laughed, almost wheezing as a sigh of some deep long-awaited relief escaped their lips.

Ron was grinning, ears burning red, a bit of a dazed glow in his eyes.

"I'll be finishing up here in a bit. Would you like to grab dinner with me?"

"I'd love to."

Author's Note: As always, thank you all for reading and for all those lovely reviews, they mean the world to me and are greatly appreciated. Also thank you for your patience between the updates.

ONLY TWO MORE CHAPTERS (i think)! I know there's still a lot that needs to be addressed, and i'll do my best to do that in the next chapter while i recover from being almost finished with this story! Please if you have any thoughts, I'd love it if you reviewed 3