The morning of the funeral was slow to arrive. She was impatient for it to be over and yet at the same time terrified of what would happen. She still felt in some sort of haze, unable to let go and yet wanting to move forward.
Remus came to her rooms that morning, giving her a hug and pulling a pepper-up potion out of his satchel. "I knew you wouldn't have slept, I asked Severus for this."
She took it gratefully. Remus looked wonderful in simple black dress robes that looked new. He made her eat a piece of toast and then pushed her into the shower. She stayed under the water for a long time before eventually forcing herself out, a big fluffy towel wrapped around her.
"Which outfit do you think then?" she asked Remus, nodding at the different dresses and shoes she had laid across her bed in preparation.
Remus picked each one up and twirled them around. Not this one, it's too clingy. I'd say either two or three. If you wear two you could wear that long robe coat you have with the furry collar?"
She nodded in agreement and picked up the very simple short black dress and a pair of nude tights. She did her hair and makeup as usual, fastening a small white rose into her hair, before slipping on the pair of black high heels that Kingsley had insisted she buy, even though she thought they were too expensive.
She pulled her long black robe over the top and tied it beneath her breasts. Her legs were on show and she had added a silver necklace to complete the outfit.
Remus gave her a determined smile. "You look beautiful."
She pressed her lips together and took his arm as he led her towards the entrance hall where the other teachers attending the funeral were waiting.
Keep calm, she thought to herself as her heels clicked along the stone floor of the castle. Keep calm, don't panic, everything's fine. Pull yourself together, Serena, you are not going to start crying now, and certainly not in front of everyone. She had to be strong for Kingsley.
When they reached the entrance hall there were already people waiting there- Albus, Dawlish, Minerva, Filius, Poppy, and even Severus who gave her a nod so subtle she might have missed it if she didn't know him better.
Albus walked to meet them and grasped her hands tightly. "We are just waiting for Pomona, my dear and might I say you look marvellous."
She tried and failed to smile at him and luckily Pomona arrived within the minute. She linked her arm through Remus' again and they all began to walk down the drive together. It was warm and sunny, she remarked, a perfect spring day.
Severus strolled along behind them with Minerva.
"Do you remember, just months ago we all walked down to Hogsmeade together, and they were just in front of us," she sighed. "Will this war never end?"
Severus said nothing, his mind elsewhere. He had never seen Serena dressed as such. He knew it was a funeral, he knew it was wrong, but seeing her with her legs bare, her smooth skin there for everyone to see, her hair shining in the sunlight… he sighed inwardly. There was really something wrong with him.
"Do you know if she's staying, Severus?" Minerva was now asking him.
"Staying?"
"Yes, she was only supposed to teach for a year, she wants to be an auror, well, she wanted to be an auror with Kingsley."
Severus was stunned at the news. He felt cold, all of a sudden, Was she going to leave him at the end of the year? He only had two more months with her? Would he see her again? He would be alone in the castle once more, it seemed.
Minerva was looking at him suspiciously. "I know nothing of the matter, Minnie. I teach her occlumency, not life lessons."
Minerva scalded him for his harsh tone, "now, now Professor Snape. No need to get defensive."
"I'm not-"
Minerva's pursed lips stopped him and he sighed.
"You are an infuriating woman."
She chuckled at him and adjusted her black hat. "Here we are."
They all gathered on the other side of the school gates and were met by Albus' brother, Aberforth. Albus indicated that it was time to apparate but only Severus saw Serena's expression. As loud cracks erupted around them he took two steps forward, took her by the arm, looked deep into her eyes that conveyed nothing but fear, and side-apparated them to the apparition point. When they arrived she clutched onto him for a few seconds, letting the horrible feeling that side-along apparition gave subside, before opening her eyes.
They were on a large lawn area in the valley of small rolling hills. Over a hundred white chairs were set out facing a huge golden table, shining in the sunlight. On top of the table was a silver coffin, his silver coffin. She thanked Severus and stepped away from him, taking in all of the people that mulled around the chairs or sat talking. Many had turned to look at her, pointing or bowing their heads and talking in hushed voices. Some she recognised, most she did not. She saw Tonks talking to Sirius and she saw the Minister for Magic shaking Albus' hand. She spotted a friendly face walking towards her and stepped forward, relieved, when he folded her into his arms.
"Samuel."
Here he was, suffering her pain, feeling her loss, and giving her a brave smile despite it all.
She smiled back at him, blinking back her tears furiously. "I'm so glad you're here." She introduced him to the other teachers and then found a spot a little further behind them where she could look up at the blue sky and breathe in the air deeply. It was beautiful here, she thought. It was exactly what Kingsley would have chosen.
She noticed people starting to take their seats and she hurried to the back row, spotting Severus and sitting down next to him. Remus took her other side with Sirius next to him.
"Are you sure you want to sit at the back?" Remus asked gently.
She nodded. They watched as more people took their seats and some even stood at the back. There were well over a hundred people, she realised. She waved to a few of Kingsley's cousins that she recognised and smiled at Tonks, all the while focussing on her breathing and trying to ground herself. It was really happening. She was at Kingsley's funeral.
Remus took her hand and held it tightly in hers and she felt slightly better.
At that moment the music started and the voices hushed. Serena breathed in and out, willing her emotions to stay under control. A small bald wizard stood up at the front in minister's clothing and began to spekl.
"We are gathered here today in memory of Kingsley James Shacklebolt, a dear friend, a cherished brother and uncle, and a loving fiancé.
Tears began to trickle down Serena's cheeks as she remembered the night he had proposed to her, the meal he had cooked for them, and the beautiful ring he had produced. It had been the happiest moment of her life. Mrs Serena Shacklebolt he had called her, but now she would never be known by that name. She wiped her tears and refocussed her blurry eyes on the man that was now facing Kingsley's coffin.
A thin woman stood up at the front and Serena recognised her as a fellow auror.
"If we fail," she said loudly, "we try again. We fight for peace and we fight for equality and we die trying. Kingsley said those words every time he led his team outside the ministry. He fought for what he believed in and he made it his life to combat injustice. He was a kind man, always thinking of his team before himself. He gave us everything, he protected everyone of us and we are the aurors that we are today because we followed his example. His words will forever echo in our minds, and it is for this…" she turned to the coffin and smiled sadly, "that we thank you."
Serena clapped along with everyone else as she sat back down.
A ministry official stood up and began talking in a generic fashion. Serena heard the words "brave at heart," "generous and loving" and hardworking and committed."
Her thoughts wandered again back to when Kingsley would sit studying for his auror modules in his big armchair. She would sit nestled in his lap, kissing his neck and testing him on various historical battles and dark wizards. "How can I concentrate?" he would murmur deeply.
Of course after a while he would succumb and throw his books to the floor, kissing her deeply. She almost smiled at the memory, but more clapping woke her from her thoughts and the cold reality returned. Remus gave her hand a tight squeeze as more tears ran silently down her face.
The next person was the only person she had been waiting for. Samuel stood up bravely and sought out her eyes, before giving her a slight nod.
"Kingsley," he began in a hoarse voice, "was my older brother, the clever one… it's safe to say I inherited the good looks." A murmur of laughter rand through the crowd and Samuel gained confidence. "He was a great brother, always helping me with schoolwork, spells, potions, everything but women…" Serena laughed with the rest of them, blowing her nose into a tissue. "But of course, Kingsley apparently did have some talent… He'd met his perfect girl before he had even turned twenty-three and they were unstoppable.
"Which is perhaps what makes today even harder, because my brother will never get to have his wedding or marry the woman of his dreams. But I know he would be proud to know that I had gained a little sister all the same." Serena smiled despite the tears that were pouring down her cheeks, and her body that was shaking uncontrollably. Severus had shifted slightly next to her and his shoulder touched hers subtly. She leaned into it and clutched Remus' hand as though her life depended on it.
"I have seen Kingsley in some of the best and worst times of his life," Samuel continued. "Kingsley was loved and admired by many and he had an impact on so many people's lives. He was the best brother a man could ask for, a great uncle, a loyal friend, and a wonderful partner.
"Here's to you, mate. I'm going to miss you." He kissed Kingsley's coffin and disappeared out of sight again, taking his seat at the front.
Serena shook silently, willing her body to be calm, she pressed her shoulder into Severus' and Remus squeezed her hand and rubbed soothing circles in her palm. The bald wizard stood up again and gestured towards the coffin.
"And now, we say goodbye to this great wizard. Oh lord, take Kingsley into your arms, watch over him and protect him in your heavenly kingdom. In the name of the Father," he waved his wand and white flames erupted around the coffin. "Of the son," the flames shone green, "and the holy spirit," the flames turned red and then back to white and the coffin disappeared in front of them, cremating through magic. The breeze blew his ashes into the air and over the hills in front of them. The flames died as quickly as they had come and the minister raised his wand into the air, a white light shooting from the tip high into the sky. "Kingsley Shacklebolt!" he exclaimed. The crowd echoed Kingsley's name and it was over. Everyone around them began to stand up, a low murmuring began as people took up conversation. Serena released Remus and with a trembling hand siphoned her tears from her face and cast a basic makeup touch-up charm. She blew her nose and took a few deep breaths. She felt better.
Remus put an arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. "Well done," he whispered. Severus, seeing she was taken care of, stood up and moved away.
She sat watching everyone as though it was a muggle film. People were hugging and laughing and crying. Some were eager to leave and others were reluctant to move.
"The ceremony was perfect," she said quietly. "It really suited him."
Remus sniffed and nodded his head, "The setting is so open and peaceful…"
Sirius leaned forward and smiled at her. "Do you want to leave? Shall we go to my house?"
She nodded, grateful.
Sirius took a piece of parchment from his pocket and showed it to her.
The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix lie at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, London.
She read it twice and nodded.
Sirius left them and a few moments later Serena and Remus stood up at the sound of tense voices arguing quietly.
Severus was clearly unhappy with Albus, he was talking through gritted teeth and Albus looked annoyed, which was rare for the kind-hearted wizard.
"There is nothing more to discuss," Albus said quietly, looking at Serena and Remus as they approached.
"You won't even consider other options!" Severus hissed.
"I don't need to," Albus said calmly. "This is not the place." With that he glided over to Serena and pulled her into an embrace. "I hope this gives you some closure, my lovely. I shall see you at Headquarters in a few moments, I must see Minister Fudge."
Serena gave him a warm smile and turned to Severus.
"What's the matter?"
Remus, sensing the direction the conversation was going, excused himself and told her he was going straight there.
Severus quickly smoothed his face into an expressionless mask.
"Nothing. Are you- How is-"
"I'm fine," she said quietly. "What's wrong with you? What were you talking about?"
Severus sighed. "Just Dumbledore's choice in Headquarters."
"You really don't get on with Sirius, do you?"
Severus scowled.
"You don't mind apparating me there, do you? You're the only one who noticed this morning… I thought I was going to splinch myself."
Severus glanced quickly around them, verified that no cameras were pointed their way and took Serena by the elbow, pulling her into the turn.
She had only just placed her two feet on the ground when Severus had pushed her through the door and shut it behind them, plunging them into near darkness. They stood together in the dark hall of Grimmauld Place for a moment, taking in the décor. Whatever she had been expecting, it had not been this. The walls were papered with a brown furry wallpaper and great golden frames lined the walls with various witches and wizards gazing curiously at them. As they stepped forward she saw the heads of house elves mounted on wooden plinths leading up the staircase and a strange foot holding umbrellas by the bottom of the stairs. What was this place?
Remus appeared from a staircase leading down to their left.
"Down here," he whispered. "Best not to make noise in the hallway, we'll wake Madame Black."
Confused, Serena followed Remus with Severus bringing up the rear, casting detection charms and adding extra security as he went.
Remus led them down to what seemed to be the kitchen, a warm room, buzzing with voices, with a large wooden table taking up much of the space. Candles had been lit and the light was comforting. The fire in the grate was alight and a scarf was knitting itself in the rocking chair in the corner.
Remus, Tonks and Sirius were already there, as were a red headed witch and wizard, who introduced themselves as the parents of the Weasley family, Molly and Arthur.
Severus poured himself a whiskey and skulked in the corner whilst Serena endured hugs and comments from everyone. Samuel arrived last and she pulled him into a tight hug, conveying all the emotions she felt in one action.
"It was perfect."
He smiled a watery smile and nodded. "I'm glad that's done, anyway."
"Me too," she agreed.
Severus watched her from across the room, milling in and out of people, smiling bravely, laughing at their tales and reminiscing about shared memories. She was passed around from arm to arm, from embrace to embrace, everyone wanting to touch and hug the beautiful widow. Even Black had his arm around her at one point and it made Severus sick to the stomach. He already felt dirty being in the filthy dog's house, let alone seeing him drool all over Serena.
He finished his whiskey and was about to seek out another when he heard that mutt's voice.
"Pretty sure we said close friends only, Snape," he leered, walking away from the others and closing in on Severus.
Severus stood up straight and his fingers itched towards his wand. "I'm quite sure filthy dogs weren't on the invite list either," he sneered back.
"This is my house, and I'm telling you to get out, Snivellus."
"Ah, yes, still living with your Mother, Black? My, my."
"Oh please," scoffed Sirius, "I can feel the jealousy radiating off your slimy head, you pervy greaseball."
Severus' temper snapped, his fingers closed around the handle of his wand and then froze. She was watching them. She hadn't moved, Molly Weasley was still babbling on at her, but she was watching Severus, an indignant expression on her face. His fingers relaxed reluctantly, and he turned his scowl on Black, who had interpreted the silence as a victory.
"See," he jeered, sending him a sickly smile, "I knew you were always jealous of me."
Severus' eyes flickered back to Serena's and then back to Black's before he pushed past him and swept up the stairs. As he apparated back to the school one question was lingering in his mind; Why had he been there?