Chapter 27

12:23pm

He made it to noon without falling apart. He made it to noon with only Grace keeping him in the present. Only days old, and she was already performing miracles. Jack huffed, void of any humor. He forced all his thoughts on the tiny human who was looking back like he was all that mattered. That was the only way he made it this far. Every time his thoughts started to veer off course, he picked her up and cooed and cradled her. If he could bottle up her scent, it would put psychologists and pharmacists out of business. He could swear she was like a human version of Xanax.

After what could now qualify as her lunch, Jack was just about to place her in her bassinet when the doorbell rang. Gently placing her higher on his shoulder, he weighed his options. He still wasn't up for visitors. Honestly if he never had to have another visitor, that would be too soon. He knew how unrealistic an expectation that was, not only with a new baby but with the loss of Sam.

After silently walking to the living room, Jack could make out the outline of whoever his unwanted guest was. His kitchen ceiling light was on along with sound from the tv, making it an unconvincing lie that he wasn't home. Accepting his fate, Jack shuffled to the door, opening it to greet Daniel and Teal'c.

"Hi Jack, it's great to see you. How did baby Grace do last night?" Daniel asked, guiding Teal'c and himself into the living room. Looking around, it wasn't shocking seeing all the items haphazardly lying around. Wordlessly, Daniel started clearing out the dishes and bottles with Teal'c going behind him and picking up the trash.

"We made out ok. You know I can clean up after myself." Jack huffed indignantly.

"Could have fooled us O'Neill." Teal'c ribbed in his trademark dry tone. That almost made Jack laugh. Almost.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Daniel asked, picking up baby Grace. She was a happy baby, making gurgling noises and what sounded like self-amused laughter following.

"My eyes were closed, I thought about sheep. But everytime I started to fall asleep, my mind wouldn't forget about her." Jack sat down on the living room couch. He let his head just fall into his hands, a heavy and pained sigh leaving his body. Forget Sam, that was not possible. He saw her everywhere, felt her everywhere. And with Grace, he would never lose her really.

"I know you aren't a feelings guy, I could sit here and empathize on what I went through losing Sha're but I'll spare you that. But the one thing I'll say is that you will never forget Sam. But one day you will be able to sleep at night."

"We have all felt great loss. But we all have made it this far. We are always going to be here for you brother."

And Jack did the one thing that no one saw coming. Colonel Jonathon O'Neill cried. Inconsolable was not the right word. At one point, Jack started choking practically, crying more than breathing at times. There was nothing that could be said that would alleviate his pain. After everything Sam and Jack had been through, they finally got to be together. Finally found their way to one another only to cruelly be ripped apart just as fast.

Teal'c sat down beside him, and wordlessly offered a side hug. "There is no shame in mourning O'Neill. It is how we heal. How we grow."

Realizing he needed some air, Jack took in a few big gulps and straightened himself out. He ran his hands over his face that was surely puffy and red. He was embarrassed that he couldn't control his emotions like that. Granted he went on a suicide mission with the death of Charlie, so crying in front of his best friends wasn't that extreme. Still, his composure was always rock solid.

Daniel had quietly left to grab a glass of water for Jack. He figured it might prove to be a good distraction from his emotions. At the same time, Daniel didn't want all these feelings to just be swallowed up and bottled up with Jack like he could easily do.

"I hear you guys. I know you are right and I couldn't have asked for a pair of friends that could relate the way y'all can. This is just the hardest thing I have ever been through, system lords included. I just don't know what I'm doing here."

Jack's voice was so resigned it was shocking in contrast to the witty man that they all knew. Teal'c didn't know the full extent of what he went through on the first SG-1 mission to Abydos but Daniel was fully aware. Daniel recalled the cold indifference that colored Jack's voice with every sentence spoken.

When Sha're was killed, Daniel felt such an intense range of emotions almost all at once. From anger, to sadness and ultimately feeling nothing at all. It wasn't until the days started adding up until he felt he could move past it. But he could tell that Jack could easily fall over the edge before the days could add up for him.

"This is new, it's going to be the most challenging thing that you've been through as you said. But Jack, you have been through so much, you have lost so much that's true. But look at this beautiful baby. You are all she has, you are her world Jack."

Jack looked at Grace who was sleeping soundly without a care in the world. And Daniel was right, he had to make a bigger effort to be present for her. It is not about just him any longer. It would be so simple to just call it a day and bring an end to all his pain and suffering. Grace was his anchor, she was what kept continuing to move forward.