A/N: the FFN version of this chapter is ruined because of formatting :(
idk why people read this on FFN but thanks :)
Robin was having an enjoyable lunch with her husband when they were rudely interrupted by a cardboard box sneaking towards them. The tactician got up to kick it away but it kept coming back.
"Jesus Christ, what the Hell do you want?"
"Have you read a poem before?" a voice coming from the box replied.
Snake got up and threw the box he was hiding underneath. The box landed on some little kid, Snake couldn't be bothered to check who though, he had more important matters to attend to than a crying brat.
"Yes, I have," Robin replied, "You interrupted my date to ask me this?"
"It's really important. I'm finally going to confess my love to Samus by writing her the most beautiful poem in history."
"The true way to a woman's heart is to see her naked and have her see you naked," Chrom explained to Snake.
"That would never work."
"Worked for me."
Snake was pacing back and forth. He didn't know what to do. He needed help to write his poem but he didn't know who to ask. Well, he technically did, but he didn't want to rip off chapter 27. He was left with no other choice but to use a poem generator.
Once he found something satisfying, he printed it out and quickly came up with a plan. He could get the kids to come up with a poem for him. Why hadn't he thought of that before?
All the kids in the Smash mansion were required to attend classes so that they wouldn't end up being stupid people with no knowledge of grammar or basic Math. Luckily for Snake, the children were in the middle of English class when he barged into the classroom.
"Alright, class," Snake interrupted, "I've got a fun assignment for you. You're going to rewrite this poem while making it better. You've got one hour to write and one hour to decide which poem is the best before giving it to me."
"Oh, thank Sothis I don't need to do anything anymore," Byleth smiled before telling her students to do what Snake asked them, "If you don't take this seriously, you'll have to repeat the year."
"I've been repeating this year since 1999!" Ness complained.
The classroom was mostly silent as everyone focused on writing their poems. Naturally, none were putting in any actual effort. Out of all the students, none were as bored as Toon Link.
"Psst, hey, Nana," Toon Link whispered.
"Shut up, Popo, I'm writing," Nana replied.
"But I didn't say anything," Popo protested.
"You just did."
"Guys," Toon Link interrupted, "Link told me that Snake told Chrom who told Roy who told Ike who told Pit who told Link that Snake wants to write a stupid poem for Samus."
"I know what we can do!"
Two hours had passed and Snake got the final poem. He didn't read it, he trusted the children. What's the worst they could do? Snake had been through a lot of shit in his life, the kids pranking him would be nowhere near the top of his worst life moments.
Snake walked all around the mansion looking for Samus. He finally found her when he went to the garden, she was having dinner with Pikachu. So much for not ripping off chapter 27.
"Samus, I have something for you." Snake handed a paper to the blonde bounty hunter, "Meet me in half an hour in front of the pool."
Snake left before Samus could protest. He didn't need to see her read the poem, he knew the girl was going to be his. He walked towards the pool no one ever used and patiently waited for thirty minutes.
"Hey, Snake," Pikachu said as he held Snake's poem, "I just came to tell you that Samus didn't bother reading your poem. But I did and I think it's best if it stays that way."
"What!? Give me that poem!"
Snake grabbed the poem out of Pikachu's grip and as he read it, his expression turned grimmer and grimmer. He never stood a chance.
Roys are red,
Marths are blue,
Your spaceship is lovely,
And so are you.
Avatars are white,
Pichu ones are rare,
My ass is sexy,
And so is your hair.
Pikachu grows,
With boobs like eggs,
Underwear is sexy,
And so are your legs.
Bowser Juniors reach,
Up to the skies,
The hand is sexy,
And so are your eyes.
Melee Foxes in hedges,
Surround the farms,
Clothes are sexy,
And so are your arms.
Daisies are pretty,
Ridleys have style,
Smash is sexy,
And so is your smile.
A wahmen is bootiful,
Just like you.
Thanks for reading!
This feels like the first time in ages I've written something that isn't me stealing Raeror's ideas.
See you guys next chapter.