Chapter 38.
Fifteen minutes later, and Brains was feeling the burn.
Literally.
His thighs felt like they were on fire.
"H-How far to L-Lake Louise?" the scientist stammered, grasping at a handful of mane when his horse stumbled slightly.
Lady Penelope hummed as she checked the coordinates on her compact mirror, "About another thirty minutes. We could probably knock it down to twenty if we pick up the pace a bit. Anyone up for a canter?"
Alan, Virgil and Gordon all whooped their affirmatives. Scott bit his lip, torn between indulging in his need for speed and babysitting Brains.
"You go on ahead," John offered, upon noticing his brother's pained expression, "I'll take care of Brains."
Scott was already urging his black mount into a lively canter, "Cheers!" he yelled over his shoulder.
Brains peeped in fear as his mare raised her head in excitement. Just as the scientist was contemplating whether or not to dismount, John maneuverered his own horse in front to act as a roadblock.
Lady Penelope was about to applaud John for his chivalry, however was stopped when the redhead's mare suddenly squealed loudly and lashed out with both her back legs.
"What on earth?" Kayo muttered, as Brain's horse shot backwards in fear.
Lady Penelope bit her lip, "You know what they say about chestnut mares…"
"P-Please, enlighten me!" Brains cried, groping for yet another handful of mane.
Penelope hesitated before replying, "They're crazy."
"Kind of like John," Kayo added with a snicker.
"Pack it in, you stupid animal!" John snapped, removing one hand from the reins to smack his mare on the rump, "Or else I'll show you what they say about chestnut humans."
Up front, the other four Tracys were whooping in delight as they raced along, pushing their horses to their limits.
"J-John!" Brains cried as his mare began to pick up speed, "H-How do I slow down?!"
John gave a growl of frustration as his mare lashed out at Kayo's appaloosa, "I'm kind of busy, Brains!"
"Pull on the reins!" Lady Penelope instructed, urging her skewbald into a gentle trot as she pulled up alongside the scientist, "Grip them firmly in your hands and pull backwards."
Brains made to follow Penelope's order, however was forced to abort his actions when Gordon suddenly hurtled back towards their group.
"There are some tree trunks up ahead that me and the guys are going to try jumping! Don't wait, we'll catch up to you once we're finished! Hey, fancy a quick race?" the aquanaut asked, beaming as his bay danced and pranced in excitement.
"Gordon!" John cried as Brain's horse surged into a canter, "For goodness sake, grab him!"
Gordon's eyes widened in shock as Brains shot past him in a blur of grey and brown, his garbled pleas giving way to a full-blown scream.
"Guys!" Gordon kicked his gelding into a gallop and waved frantically in the direction of his racing brothers, "Don't jump! Brains has lost control!"
Virgil and Alan made no acknowledgement that they had heard Gordon and continued to bomb towards a cluster of spruce trunks they were intent on jumping. Scott twisted his head around, however was powerless to intervene as Brains tanked past him.
"Shit!" Scott hissed, pushing his mare into top gear as he pursued the bolting scientist. If he could somehow manoeuvre in front of Brains without frightening his horse into changing course, he'd be able to cut the scientist off before he received an impromptu jumping lesson.
Unfortunately, Virgil got in the way.
Quite literally.
"Gyaah!" Scott shrieked as his mare skidded to a halt behind the rump of Virgil's palomino, "What the hell, Virg!"
"Gordon said to stop!" Virgil replied, his eyes tripling in size as Brains came careening towards them, "Oh shit…"
"Out of the way!" Scott cried, motioning desperately for Virgil to move to the side.
It was with a certain amount of warped grace that Brains catapulted over the spruce trunks Alan had just cleared. Despite losing a stirrup and ending halfway up his mare's neck, the scientist was still very much onboard when his mount landed and continued its mad dash.
"A-Alan!" Brains cried as he zeroed in on the youngest, who was merrily cantering along and completely oblivious to the disaster unfolding behind him, "L-Look out!"
Alan twisted to gaze over his shoulder, instantly wishing he hadn't as Brains blasted past him in a cloud of dust, his screams echoing off the surrounding trees.
"Uh oh," Virgil groaned as Alan's rather beefy horse began to rapidly pick up speed, "There goes another one."
Scott hissed in alarm as he kicked his mare into a gallop, "C'mon! We might be able to slow them down if we herd them into a copse or thicket."
Virgil nodded grimly and urged his palomino forwards, "F.A.B."
Several hundred meters in front of his scheming brothers, Alan hadn't a clue what was happening.
One minute, he'd been racing Scott and Virgil and innocently popping over fallen trees. The next, he was hurtling along at a billion miles an hour with zero ways of stopping.
Unfortunately, his bitch of a mare had chosen that precise moment to use her size to her advantage, and was bulldozing along like she didn't even have a rider onboard.
"Come on!" Alan hissed, bracing his legs and trying desperately to pull his mount into a circle, "Slow down!"
Predictably, his efforts were in vain.
-x-
"Well, this is rather distressing," Lady Penelope exclaimed as she, Kayo, Gordon and John drew level with Scott and Virgil, "So we've now lost two?"
Scott didn't answer, his blue eyes focussed on tracking the grey and buckskin figures that were rapidly fading into the distance.
"What are we waiting for?" Gordon demanded, "They're getting away!"
"We'll never be able to catch up with them," Virgil sighed, his brow creased with concern, "We're trying to work out if there's a shortcut we can take to cut them off."
Lady Penelope frowned as she consulted the map on her compact mirror, "There's a forest path approximately two hundred meters on the right. It looks like it comes out near the lake, which they're both heading in the general direction of."
"Good enough for me!" Scott clipped, "Lead the way, Lady P."
Penelope nodded and urged her skewbald to the front of the group before settling into a quick canter. Two minutes later, she motioned to a path that was well camouflaged by some aspen trunks.
"Single file!" Scott ordered upon seeing how dense the forest was, "The path is too narrow."
Obediently, everyone formed an orderly queue behind Lady Penelope. John snarled in anger and slapped his mare on the rump yet again when she squealed and tried to start a fight with Gordon's bay.
"The terrain looks safe enough to canter," Lady Penelope reported, "Is everyone okay to speed up?"
"F.A.B!" came the collective response.
Lady Penelope pursed her lips as she kicked her skewbald into a canter, ducking as a couple of low hanging branches came into view.
Without thinking, Kayo grabbed a particularly sinister looking branch and bent it as far back as she could, intent on snapping it so that the others could pass safely. Unfortunately, she underestimated the elasticity of the young aspen and was forced to relinquish her hold when the branch refused to yield to her request.
Kayo released her grip with a growl of frustration, oblivious to the way the branch in question twanged back and walloped an unsuspecting Tracy square in the face.
"Man down! Man down!" came Gordon's frantic voice.
Lady Penelope yanked on her reins so hard her horse nearly sat down. Scott and Virgil cannoned into the back of her like dominos, the latter sliding halfway up his horse's neck in the process.
"What now?" Scott snarled, pivoting his head to get an eyeful of whatever Gordon was complaining about.
The sight that met his eyes wasn't what he was expecting.
At all.
John was lying in an unconscious heap on the ground, his face covered in blood. A few feet away, Gordon was busy trying to seize the reins of the redhead's loose mare.
Kayo gasped and slapped a hand across her mouth, torn between dying from guilt and exploding into laughter.
"You lot go on ahead," Penelope instructed, elegantly dismounting before looping the reins over her skewbald's head and hurrying towards the comatose John, "I'll look after him, don't worry."
"I'll go and get help," Kayo offered, swinging her appaloosa in a circle, "I'll ride back up the hill and radio Frank and Kyle."
"F.A.B," Scott muttered, motioning for Gordon and Virgil to follow him, "C'mon guys! We're losing ground!"
Two heads nodded in unison as Scott began to lead the way through the remainder of the forest, his blue eyes scanning for any more low hanging branches.
"Over there!" Virgil cried as they emerged back into the open, "Down by the river!"
Scott pursed his mouth as he stared at the terrain separating him, Gordon and Virgil from the out of control Alan and Brains. It was steep and rocky, and definitely couldn't be tackled with speed.
"Okay, slow and steady," Scott instructed as he pushed his mare forward and threw his weight back in the saddle.
Gordon and Virgil nodded before dropping their reins and shifting their weight backwards. On cue, their horses began to carefully pick their way down the incline.
"Careful!" Gordon warned as Virgil's palomino stumbled over a loose rock and nearly went down on her knees, "Stick to Scott's path!"
"F.A.B," Virgil muttered, his blood pumping in his ears.
"It's starting to level out," Scott reported, "I think we can speed up again."
Virgil set his jaw as Scott broke into yet another gallop, the wind buffeting his face as his palomino zipped along. On his left, Gordon was urging his bay on like a cheerleader.
"C'mon boy, you've got this! Keep going, and I'll buy you all the carrots you want!" the aquanaut enthused, his blond hair hilariously windswept.
Scott was acutely aware that his own mare's flanks were drenched in sweat, but knew that there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it in the current situation. All he could do was pray that none of their horses collapsed from exhaustion.
He had no interest in forking out another five grand to replace yet more equines that had been lost on his watch.
"Up ahead!" Virgil yelled, raising a hand to shield his eyes, "Looks like they're both still onboard!"
Scott followed Virgil's gaze and felt his eyes widen in shock. Indeed, both Alan and Brains were still clinging to their mounts for dear life. While Alan was putting up a fight and hauling on the reins for all he was worth, Brains had both his arms and legs wrapped around his mare's neck as he dangled upside down like some kind of oversized lemur.
At least he'd stopped screaming.
Much to Scott's relief, both getaway horses also appeared to be succumbing to the effects of fatigue. Scott chanced a glance at Gordon's bay and Virgil's palomino. He was confident that if they could put on one final burst of speed, they'd be able to overtake their targets and force them to slow down.
"One last push!" Scott ordered, before leaning as far down as he could and squeezing with his thighs, "C'mon girl! One last push is all I need!"
Gordon's bay was snorting like a racehorse as he heroically dashed along, sweat foaming around his ears and saddle. Gordon pasted himself against the gelding's neck and clicked his tongue as loudly as he could.
Virgil's face was contorted in guilt as his palomino responded to his kicking and surged forwards, the bit in her mouth rattling loudly as she pounded across the lush Albertan terrain.
After what felt like an eternity, Scott gained on Alan enough to lean over and grab one side of his brother's reins, before using a combination of his upper arm strength and his mare's momentum to pull the bolting Tracy into a tight circle. The sudden change of direction and shift in balance forced Alan's mare to slow from a gallop to a canter, and then from a canter to a trot, before finally terminating in a walk.
"Thanks, Scott," Alan panted, his face damp with sweat, "Maybe next time I'll take your advice before automatically assuming bigger is better."
Meanwhile, Virgil and Gordon were closing in on Brains in a slightly modified version of the pincer movement. Gordon pulled up on the scientist's left side and seized one half of the reins, while Virgil pulled up on the right and seized the other half. Through the combined effort of both brothers, Brain's mare gradually slowed down until she was a panting, staggering mess.
"Well…I never want to do that again," Virgil announced as Brains released his vice-like grip on his mare's neck and slid to the ground in a boneless heap.
"Are you okay, Brains?" Gordon asked, his voice laced with concern as he dismounted and hastily loosened his horse's girth.
Brains mumbled something unintelligible into the grass his face was pressed against.
"Probably bad shock," Virgil declared, before dismounting and patting his own heaving horse on the neck, "I'm amazed he managed to hold on. Technically, this doesn't count as him getting dumped."
"I didn't get dumped either!" a new voice pitted in, "And my horse is way bigger than his!"
Virgil and Gordon twisted around to see Alan and Scott riding towards them. Alan had switched and was on Scott's black mare, while Scott was on Alan's getaway horse. The eldest had a grim expression on his face, as if silently daring the buckskin mare to try and bolt with him on board.
"We'd better link back up with the others," Virgil announced, gingerly helping Brains to his feet, "Are you feeling okay, Brains? Do you want me to run a quick med scan?"
"I w-won!" the scientist hiccupped as he peeled his face off the ground, his expression punch drunk, "I w-won the race, V-Virgil!"
"Race?" Virgil looked as confused as he felt, "What race?"
"The r-race!" Brains repeated, "G-Gordon asked if we wanted a q-quick race, and I came in f-first! At least, I didn't see anyone overtake me…"
Gordon scratched his head as Brains swayed violently, his glasses askew.
"Uh, you feeling alright, Brains?" the aquanaut asked, quirking a brow when the scientist weaved over to his mount and planted a sloppy kiss on her muzzle.
"Did you know that it's b-been scientifically proven that an apple a day really does keep the d-doctor away," Brains slurred as he pirouetted like a ballerina, "P-Providing you throw it hard enough, of c-course."
"Right, you're walking," Virgil announced, slinging one of the scientist's arms over his shoulder. There was a collective gasp of disgust when Brain's planted another sloppy kiss, this time on Virgil's cheek.
"I think it's only fair that we all walk," Gordon countered, motioning to the sweaty mass of horse that was standing next to him, "We pushed these guys to their limits. It would be cruel to expect them to carry us all the way back home."
"Agreed," Scott added, swinging down and glowering at Alan's buckskin, "Virg, give me Brain's mare. I'm quite happy to lead two."
"F.A.B," Virgil replied, dropping the reins into Scott's outstretched hand.
"Where's John?" Alan suddenly asked, "And Kayo? And Lady P?"
Virgil groaned loudly as Scott shook his head and Gordon snickered.
"Long story."
-x-
Two hours later, Gordon, Scott, Alan and Virgil all stumbled into the courtyard of the ranch Lady Penelope had sent them the coordinates of.
"Remind me why we didn't remotely call in Thunderbird Two?" Alan whined, cringing as another blister began to develop.
"Horses. Scared," Virgil replied, his tone clipped as he winced in visible pain, "Holy hell on a Thunderbird…I think I've lamed myself for life."
Gordon grunted in agreement, one hand clutching his lower back as he teetered along like a man three times his age.
Brains remained silent, his unconscious body draped across the back of Gordon's bay like a corpse. The scientist had slammed to the floor in a dead faint not five minutes after they'd started the journey home, no doubt as a result of delayed shock.
Scott meanwhile, looked almost amused, "This is becoming worryingly familiar," the eldest commented, catching Kayo's eye with a pained smile as Thunderbird Shadow's pilot hurried towards them.
"Kyle and Frank are out baling and don't have their radios on them," Kayo panted, her tone apologetic, "We were just about to grab two fresh horses and come out looking for you ourselves."
"Relax," Scott soothed, cringing when his legs burned an all too familiar burn, "We're all back in one piece. Well, I'm not sure what Brain's exact state is, but I'm sure we'll be able to glue him back together again."
"How's John?" Virgil asked, falling against one of the stable walls before collapsing onto his backside.
Almost on cue, a siren sounded in the background.
"Lady P decided to call an ambulance, just to be on the safe side," Kayo replied, reaching out to steady Scott when the eldest Tracy's legs threatened to give way, "The paramedics say he's broken his nose and has a mild concussion. They want to monitor him overnight, so one of us will have to collect him in the morning."
"I'll go," Virgil volunteered, wincing as he watched his redheaded brother get loaded onto a stretcher, "Poor kid. He seriously can't catch a break."
"Turns out he's also allergic to the juniper pollen in this region," Kayo added, her expression pitiful, "He's been sneezing non-stop between nosebleeds."
Scott was about to stagger towards the ambulance, but stopped when he spied Lady Penelope gliding across the courtyard.
"I must say, you boys seem to be afflicted with some kind of curse," their London agent joked, her white jodhpurs every bit as immaculate as when they'd originally set out, "None of your dates with Kayo lasted until the end, and now it appears the same is happening on all of your dates with me!"
"John mentioned something about becoming a monk," Scott mused, "Maybe we're all destined to join him."
"Oh, what nonsense," Lady Penelope tutted, dismissively waving a manicured hand, "I think all this is just a sign that we need to tone things down a bit. No more drunken cruises, weird food or daring horseback rides. No, we need to indulge in something a bit more low-key. I'll treat you all to an overnight stay at the Emirates Palace in Abu Dhabi tomorrow evening, providing no rescues come in before then, of course."
Scott's head suddenly felt far too heavy for his neck, "Sure thing, Lady P. Again, that's very generous of you. Let me know how much we owe you for today and I'll wire you the money."
"Think nothing of it," their London agent swiftly replied, "I had intended to focus today's masterclass on budgeting, however given the circumstances, I think we'll leave it for now. It's the most straightforward category of the five; basically, if the date is your idea, then etiquette dictates that you should be the one to absorb all the costs of entertaining your partner. If you suspect your generosity is being exploited however, then terminate the relationship. Now, the first thing we're doing after we check in tomorrow is booking you boys into the spa for some well-earned pampering. Shiatsu or Swedish?"
"Both," Gordon replied, quacking when his spine clicked loudly, "And acupuncture and acupressure please, preferably at the same time."
"F.A.B," Lady Penelope replied, frowning slightly when she noticed that Alan had yet to say a word, "Alan, darling? Are you quite alright?"
The youngest Tracy didn't answer, his eyes glued to Brain's knocked out form.
"Alan?" Lady Penelope tried again.
"What? Oh, yeah, sorry! Sounds great," the youngest hastily replied, his blue eyes not straying from his comatose colleague for a single second.
Gordon frowned and followed his little brother's gaze, his own eyes widening when he spied what was holding Alan's attention hostage.
"He wet himself?" the aquanaut gasped, slapping a palm across his mouth in a futile attempt to quell the shrieks of laughter that were bubbling up his diaphragm.
Lady Penelope frowned and cast a discreet eye over her conked out comrade.
Indeed, he had suffered an accident of the bladder voiding variety.
"Poor Brains," Scott sighed and massaged his temple with one hand, "This was a wasted trip for him."
"Why?" Virgil countered, "He rode a horse for the first time and survived a near death experience."
Scott shot his brother a deadpan look before shaking his head.
"He never even got to see Lake Louise."