Hello again, lovely readers! This chapter will skip forward as we enter the final chapters of Part 1 in The Mermaid of Panem series. I've had so much fun getting back into writing and I'm surprised to see how easy it's been for me to get all the ideas out there. I'm also annoyed that I left you guys hanging all these years when we literally were like five or less chapters from this being over. I'M SO SORRY! Anyway, here is the Victory Tour. Oh and I know Johanna won the 71st Games, but that info came after I wrote this, and I don't want to change it because it's important to my story. Please review!
It's January.
It's been six months since the 70th Hunger Games.
It's been six months since I was crowned.
It's been six months and now the day I've been dreading most of all is here.
It's time for my Victory Tour.
In just a few hours I would have to smile and pretend to be excited as I spoke with Caesar Flickerman through one of those self-moving cameras that were now posted at the entrance of my house.
Tomorrow…Tomorrow I would have to face the districts. I would be forced to see the families of the fallen and I wouldn't be able to run from them as I had with his family. I'd make speech after speech of how great the Games were and all that I was given after my victory.
I would be forced to lie.
Finnick had tried preparing me for what was to come all week, but it didn't make anything less stressful. At least he would be there with me, as would Vivia and my prep team that were due at any hour. I was excited to see them. To listen to Vivia's cheery voice, to talk to Pixie about anything and everything, to laugh with Demitria and Luciana, and to have Afton's serene presence calm the room.
They would be the only good part of this.
"Sugar cube?" Finnick sits next to me on the house steps, offering his hand, which is piled high.
I shake my head in amusement. "You really need to stop eating those in front of Marina and Coral, they keep on asking for them."
Finnick grinned, tossing one into his mouth and looking over to my sisters that played with the dolls I had bought for them.
"I'm going to miss them," I rest my head against my knees.
"You'll only be gone for a couple of weeks."
"I know. It's just I've gotten used to pretending that I can stay here. That there was no Victory Tour or that I didn't have to help you mentor for the next Games."
Finnick takes my hand. "You know that I want nothing more than for you to stay here, but –"
"But I can't do that," I finish for him. "At least I'll have you with me. It'll make everything easier, somewhat."
"I'll be with you every moment, Annie."
I smile before a sigh falls from my lips. "The other victors…they'll all be there, right?"
"They will. Usually the district's reigning victor will offer you a gift and show you around."
"Were you nervous when you met them?"
He shrugs. "I didn't really think much about them. You don't have to be nervous. They've all been through the Games and their own tours, they'll be polite."
"Some of them might not…" I think about how District 11 had no victor because of 4 and the more obvious districts like 1 and 2.
You murdered them all, the voices coo.
"I'll deal with them if that happens," he promises.
"LOOK AROUND, MY LOVLIES! THIS IS THE HOME OF OUR STAR!"
Finnick and I turn to where the exuberant voice came from. And there, only three houses away from my own were the people I longed to see. Vivia led the group, the others looking around excitedly.
"ANWYN!" Luciana and Demitria shriek the moment they see me.
They're running over to me and just as I stand up to greet them, they have me on the ground.
"Girls!" I hear Vivia reprimand while Pixie and Afton laugh from behind her, as does Finnick.
"We've missed you so much, Anwyn!"
"Oh, you two! Get off our poor star, you'll hurt her!"
Finnick helps me up, dusting the sand off my teal coat while they continue pulling this way and that, kissing my cheeks and hugging me over and over again. I could barely understand their excited shouts, still I smiled and laughed at their happiness.
"Are these your sisters!" they turn to Marina and Coral, who had been watching the whole scene in wonder – their eyes wide at Luciana and Demitria's appearance. "They're so adorable! Just look at these cuties!"
I grin as they turn their attention to my sisters, tickling their chins and making them laugh as they told them how pretty they were. When I turn away, Vivia is next to hug me. She's just as excited as the Luciana and Demitria, although she tries being more elegant about it. Either way, I hug her just as tight.
"My star, how we've missed you!"
"I've missed you too, Vivia. It's good to see you again."
"We have so much to do, my star! There will be no Victory Tour like yours, I promise!" she claps happily before turning her gaze to Finnick. "There's the other half of our two beautiful victors! Finny, how are you!"
The nickname makes Finnick wince and all of us laugh, including my sisters. I look away from them just as Pixie walks up to me, her black attire and makeup standing out more than the others in 4, but to me it's perfect.
"Hello, Anwyn," she smiles before I pull her against me just as Luciana and Demitria had done when they first saw me.
"I'm missed you so much, Pixie."
She laughs, hugging me close. "As have I, mermaid." Her hand is running gently through my curled hair. "I want to know how you've been when there aren't so many eyes on us," she whispers.
I nod against her shoulder before she pulls away, holding me at arm's length, taking in my coat and over the knee suede boots.
"I see you've been learning," she nods appreciatively at what I wear. "I might just let you do the interview tonight in this…I'll add a couple jewels of course…"
"And we'll do something about this hair!" Afton pipes in. "Just look at those curls! Is there always so much wind in District 4? This kind of weather is horrible for hair!"
"Hello to you to Afton," I giggle.
His eyes soften. "Don't pretend you didn't hear me," he pressed a kiss to my hand.
"I'm sure that you can tame these wild curls of mine."
"It won't be easy," he replies dramatically. "But it's a good thing I'm the best of the best in this business."
"So humble," Pixie rolls her eyes in amusement.
The day consists of preparation. Hours of preparation. Pixie was currently fitting me for all the outfits I'd be wearing, garment bag after garment bag covering most of the furniture in the living room. Finnick sat on the couch with Marina and Coral, watching silently while Vivia sipped on the strawberry lemonade I had made this morning.
"You'll wear this in District 12," Pixie murmurs, fixing the olive toned knitted cowl over the black leather jacket I was wearing, the cowl's hood covering most of my hair. "I don't want something too over the top for your visit there…"
I nod in agreement. District 12 was the poorest of the districts and I didn't feel comfortable flaunting anything excessive in their faces. Finnick had mentioned that while he'd only been there during his own tour, the district was unforgettable for what it lacked in resources.
"What do you think for hair, Afton?"
Afton walked over and separated my hair into two sections, each falling down my shoulders neatly. "Something simple. I'm thinking we part her hair like this, and her curls will be a bit more defined. I can even do a braid over her forehead…"
"Perfect. Do two braids," Pixie turns to Demitria. "Makeup?"
"Burgundy lips. Heavy brow, which thankfully she has. I'll do a light, smokey eye and pair it with some great lashes I've been saving for her."
Pixie nods. "Luciana?"
"I'd match the nails and lipstick. Burgundy would be a good color for most of the outfits, her complexion would make it pop, definitely."
"You can do burgundy until we get to District 6, from there I want lighter colors. The clothes will be more extravagant from there."
And extravagant they were. Every piece of clothing Pixie had designed would fit perfectly with its corresponding district – from the leather and knitted cowl for District 12 to the heavy fur coat and silver crystal heels I'd dawn in District 1.
Then came what I would wear in the Capitol.
"That's so pretty, Annie!" Marina and Coral squealed when I came back downstairs for everyone to see.
"Oh my!"
"Just look at her!"
"Pixie, how do you do it?"
"This is a victor. Our star victor."
I laugh shyly, glancing down my body. The gown would truly leave an impression just as the others I'd worn for my first interview and crowning had. It was a nude toned dress with a tulle airy skirt, a delicately embroidered corset with a sweetheart neckline and puffy long sleeves, which are worn separately. It was stunning.
Don't you think the dress is too frilly for a murderer?
I ignore the voices, instead focusing on Finnick's expression. He's also in awe of the gown, but there's something deeper in his eyes, an emotion that has nothing to do with love or amazement.
No.
This emotion reminded me of when he'd seen the roses on my first night in this house. His hand is running over his chin thoughtfully, debating with himself no doubt if he should speak his mind or not. I choose to make the decision for him, wanting to know what was troubling him.
"You don't like it?" I ask, making everyone turn to him in shock.
"It's beautiful, but –"
"But what?" Pixie arches her dark brow.
"But maybe the corset could be a bit higher or the sleeves could cover her shoulders…"
It takes a moment for Pixie to answer, the others simply blinking at him as if he'd lost it. "That would change the entire dress, no. She looks stunning just as she is."
"She does, but I think –"
"Finnick," she speaks to him as if he were a child. "This is modest compared to what all the other women will be wearing."
He sighs. "Fine. The dress is fine."
An awkward silence follows until Vivia clears her throat. "Well now that we are done with our fashion show, we move on to the talent!"
Ah, yes. My talent. Every victor was expected to have one. The talent is the activity we had taken up after the Games since victors didn't have to go to school or work in our district's industry. It can be anything, really, anything that they can interview us about.
Mine was singing.
Vivia had called me about two months ago, pestering me about how I was cutting it too close to the tour and still no talent. Finnick had been the one to suggest singing after I'd drawn a blank. It wasn't an idea that had me overly excited but signing came naturally to me, so I would just do it and hope no windows were broken because of me.
"We're going to sing," Vivia lets everyone know excitedly.
"Anwyn is going to sing," Afton corrects. "You sing and they'll think we're killing a chicken onstage."
I press my lips together, smothering my laugh unlike everyone else.
"Why, I've never!" Vivia glares at Afton.
"Never should sing, no, you definitely should not."
"Be nice," I slap his shoulder.
He snickers, taking a seat on one of the chairs closest to where I stood. "So what are you going to sing? Who was the last victor that sang?" he asks no one in particular.
"Oh, me, me!" Luciana raises her hand as if she were in school waiting to be called on.
Demetria takes Luciana's hand down. "You can answer without putting up your hand, sweetie."
"I think it was Seeder from District 11 or was it Cecelia from 8…"
"I think it was Cecelia," Pixie said as she helped me remove the dress sleeves.
"She's nice," Luciana smiles. "And she looks so pretty right now with her belly. Oh I hope she's having a girl! There's more clothes for baby girls."
Vivia nods. "She does already have a boy – it'll be quite adorable to have the pair. Anyway, on to our star! We have narrowed our songs down, yes?"
"Umm…"
"Anwyn! You must know what you're going to sing by now!"
"I know. I know. I'm sure I can just come up with something…"
"Young lady, we are hours away from the start of your tour! We must be ready! Finnick, a little help here!"
Finnick chuckles. "I have nothing."
Vivia throws her hands up in exasperation. "It's over. Caesar will ask you what your talent is, and you will just be standing there with nothing to give!"
I bite my lip, trying to come up with something on the spot. I didn't want to sing anything that I usually sang for my sisters or Finnick, those were all personal. Of course, there was one song that could work…
"I could sing My Jolly Sailor Bold," I say more to Finnick than anyone else.
Vivia swivels back to me as the others wait for an explanation to the song I had suddenly come up with.
"It's a mermaid song," Marina tells them, Coral nodding next to her.
"Oh?" Vivia's head tilts to the side in question.
"The mermaid is singing to lure sailors to their death," Finnick says. "She'll tell the sailors that she's looking for her long-lost love, enchanting them to think it's one of them, and drowning them after."
Oh yes sing that! It's perfect for you, murderer.
"That's dark," Demetria gulps.
"And perfect for our mermaid," Pixie adds. "It'll go perfect with the image we've created."
"Agreed," Afton says.
Vivia claps happily. "It's settled! We have our song –"
"Anwyn has her song," Afton corrects.
"Anwyn has her song," she glares at him again. "You'll practice it every day on the train. The moment you're in the Capitol you must be ready, my star."
"I will sing to your heart's content, Vivia."
Everyone laughs at my teasing and for a moment it all feels okay, but I know it won't last. It never does, this tranquility…
All too soon it's six o'clock. True to her word Pixie lets me wear what I had chosen for myself this morning, only adding a pair of chandelier earrings in the shapes of stars and moons. As for my hair, Afton created an intricate fishtail braid that wrapped into an updo at the base of my neck. My makeup had been left to a minimum in order to showcase my contacts, the little lenses that hid every emotion away and gave the Capitol their mermaid.
The Mermaid of Panem.
"Chin up, shoulders back, smile on!" Vivia instructs me once I'm in front of the door.
"You look lovely, little lady."
I smile at mama, trying to appear braver than I really felt.
"Doesn't she!" Vivia slips her arm through my mother's as if they were old friends. "She will outshine everyone."
"That she will," Finnick moves to open the door just as I hear Caesar's theme music start from the living room projection screen. "Ready?"
I take a deep breath before nodding in resignation. "I'm ready."
"I KNOW WE ARE ALL EXCITED TO SEE OUR BEAUTY, SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE VICTOR OF THE 70TH HUNGER GAMES, ANWYN CRESTA! THE MERMAID OF PANEM!"
I force a smile on my face as I walk out of the house, waving to the cameras that follow me from all angles. There's a screen where I'm able to see Caesar, dressed as he normally was in his blue suit, the only change was his hair that was now a pastel blue. The lights that had been installed days ago practically blinding me, it's almost impossible for me to keep from shielding my eyes.
"Mermaid, hello!"
Try harder, Miss Cresta. We are all watching you.
"Caesar, I've missed you!"
"We have missed you a thousand times more here in the Capitol, my dear. How have you been?"
"I have been enjoying my new life as a victor! I couldn't be more grateful with all that I have received thanks to the generosity of the Capitol!"
Their generosity? Why don't you tell them how you really feel? What are you afraid of, Anwyn?
"It is all well-deserved!" he grins widely. "Now, how's the closet?"
I laugh, sounding exactly like the bimbo they all loved. "You tell me," I turn slowly, showing off my outfit and then motioning to my earrings.
"You look exquisite! Take a look at those earrings! Ladies and Gents, you can see those diamonds from District 12! I need to pay you a visit and see that closet for myself and borrow a few things of course!"
"Oh, Caesar! I'm sure your closet is just as fabulous."
The interview continues like this for the most part – with me gloating about all that I had and him laughing along at my false excitement. Thankfully, it's only for a few minutes. The point of this whole thing was just to send me off and promote the entire tour. This would be the easiest part of the coming week.
"I can't wait to see you in the Capitol, Mermaid! You are going to love the party at the Presidential Mansion! I got a glimpse of what they have planned, and I don't believe we have seen anything quite like it."
"I can't wait! I'll bring my crown!" I wink.
With a final laugh on his part the interview is over, and the cameras go dark, only then do I stop smiling.
Liar. Liar. Do you enjoy lying? Why didn't you let them see the real you?
"You were perfect!" Vivia shrieks from behind me.
I'm about to turn around and thank her, but something catches my eye. It's a small red light in the camera that's barely visible unless you focused on it carefully. Without calling attention to myself, I pretend to fix my coat and the light follows my movement.
Try harder, Miss Cresta. We are all watching you.
"Anwyn?" Finnick calls.
I wish I could ignore the little light. I wish I could pretend that I wasn't being watched. I could wish and wish all I wanted, but as Finnick held me in his arms that night I couldn't shake the feeling we were being watched this exact second.
We leave for the train station a little after sunrise.
It's not a big production like my homecoming had been and for that I'm extremely thankful because the last thing I needed were more eyes watching me.
My family, however, come with us so they can see me off. Marina and Coral are still quite sleepy, their hands rubbing at their eyes, but still they're couldn't be kept away. I'm happy they're here. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye.
"I'll miss you," I say to my parents as we hug.
"We'll miss you too, little lady."
"You'll be home soon," Papa kisses my forehead.
I nod against his chest, hugging him tighter, not wanting to let go. Not now. Not ever. I wanted to stay in his strong embrace and hide there forever. We finally part when my sister separate us, wanting to say their own goodbyes.
"We're going to miss you lots, Annie!" they says, wrapping their arms around my waist.
"I'll miss you more," I hug them just as close as I had our parents, breathing in the ocean breeze that clings to them. "You'll be good for papa and mama while I'm away, okay?"
"We will!" Coral assures, holding her porcelain doll to her small body.
"You better be, or Athena will let me know," I fix the doll's slanted bow. "When I'm back we can go get her a friend, how does that sound?"
Coral nods happily, her red hair bouncing behind her.
I kiss her cheek before turning to Marina. "You'll take care of everyone while I'm away?"
"Always. I'll make sure to keep this one out of trouble," she pats Coral on the head.
Coral's nose scrunches up. "And who's going to keep you out of trouble?"
I laugh. "Behave. Mama and papa will let me know when I'm back."
The train suddenly lets out a loud sound, signaling our time to depart. My prep team and Vivia were already making their way onboard while Finnick remained close by, patiently waiting for me.
"I have to go," I murmur.
"We love you!" they all say.
"I love you more."
Finnick is now at my side, offering me his arm. "She'll be home in no time," he says to them.
"You'll take care of her," Mama says.
"I will," he promises.
I didn't know then. I didn't know that the moment Finnick helped me onboard, my arm in his, that he would be the only family I would have left. I didn't know that as I waved goodbye, it would be for the last time.
"You'll see them soon," Finnick says once the train pulls away from the station.
I wouldn't. He didn't know that. And neither did I.
…
…
…
District 12. Our first stop. It's snowing. I had never seen snow. Frosted air caressed my face the moment I stepped out of the train. I watch them tumble, the snowflakes, those little crystals, their chaotic flight forming a blanket that covers everything around it. But it can't erase what hides beneath it.
It can't erase the poverty of what I can only refer to as the forgotten district. The train station is perhaps the most modern thing here. From afar I could see buildings that appear ready to topple over if there was so much as a light breeze. The sky is grey, a dreary grey that doesn't resemble the blue or stormy skies of District 4. And the air has a strange smell to it – almost a burnt smell. I'm not the only one that notices. My prep team shields their noses with their own heavy scarves while Vivia voices her disdain.
"What is that horrible odor!"
"That would be the mines," a deep, masculine voice drawls.
I turn to my left and standing there is District 12's only living victor, Haymitch Abernathy. He's a middle-aged man with straight blond hair that could use a good wash and blue eyes, which were currently blood shot. He was drunk. If you couldn't tell by the way he could barely stand up straight, then the bottle of whisky in hand would surely suffice.
"Finnick, how you doing!"
We all watch as he throws his arms around Finnick, patting him on the back with a little too much force that makes the alcohol from his bottle spill onto the pavement and on Finnick's shoes.
"Good to see you were able to get up this morning, Haymitch."
Haymitch chuckles. "I couldn't miss meeting the newest addition to our fucked-up family!" he looks my way and holds out his bottle to me. "You drink?"
"Not really…"
"You should start. I'm Haymitch, victor of all this," he spreads his arms wide, his drink once again spilling and this time landing on my face.
"OH!" Vivia shrieks. "My star, are you alright?"
"It's fine," I wipe my cheek, offering Haymitch a smile. "I'm Anwyn Cresta."
It's silly of me to present myself when he obviously knew who I was, but it was still polite to introduce oneself, even if the other person looked ready to tip over with how much alcohol he'd consumed.
He return my smile, nodding. "You made quite the impression, Anwyn Cresta."
My lips press together at the way he observes me. I immediately know he's not referring to my looks, no, he's talking about what had happened in my Games. What had happened to the sweet boy that was too kind for this world.
Try harder, Miss Cresta. We are all watching you.
I'm luckily saved from having to reply when I see a tall, balding man walking towards us and with him a blonde woman and a young girl.
"Welcome to District 12, Miss Cresta," he offers his hand to me. "I'm Mayor Undersee, and this is my wife and my daughter, Madge. I see you've already been introduced to Haymitch. I apologize for his state."
"It's a pleasure to meet you all," I shake his hand. "And Mr. Abernathy has been very polite, I assure you."
Vivia and Haymitch snort before the latter throws his arm over my shoulders. "Well, should we get the party started. Sorry for the lack of décor –"
"The décor as Haymitch says is in the town square, Miss Cresta. We usually have a more personal greeting with the victor before we head to the square where I promise will honor your achievement."
Your achievement? the voices laugh. How many dead children did that achievement take again?
"Achievement," Haymitch laughs in my ear. "You tell me when you want that drink, Cresta. I got plenty to go around."
"Shall we?" Mayor Undersee motions.
"Certainly," I reply, because really what else could I say?
The drive through District 12 is nothing short of depressing. Haymitch tells me that there are four major areas that make up the district: The Seam, the merchant section, the Victors' Village, and the Hob. I notice a fence about twenty feet high surrounding the district as we pass by the Seam. Back home the boundary is the ocean, but here it seems theirs was an electric fence no doubt.
"To keep the animals away," Haymitch takes a swing of his whisky.
"Or to keep the people in," I murmur, chastising myself mentally for having said that out loud when I was already walking on a thin ice.
"I like you," Haymitch chuckles.
I say nothing else, choosing to keep my mouth shut for once and not make this situation worse than it already is. When the car finally rolls to a stop I'm able to see a stage in front of what I'm sure is the district's Justice Building – every district had one and they were all close in resemblance. Gathered around the stage are the citizens of 12 and behind them on a pair of podiums are the families of the fallen.
I know that I didn't kill them personally, but he had. The beast's first kill had been the poor boy from 12 that never stood a chance. I don't recall the girl's killer, but I know it had been at our hands. I was not free of the guilt. Not innocent of their deaths. I had chosen to murder them.
"Not District 4 is it?" Haymitch says after Finnick helps me out of the car, my eyes taking in the malnourished citizens and shivering children that stand under the snow.
"I do hope the other districts are prettier than this," Vivia whispers to Demetria and Luciana before she walks over to me, her heels digging into the dirt and snow. "Here is your speech, my star,'' she hands me a set of cards.
I stare at the cards blankly. They expected me to read from them, to tell the families of the fallen that their children had died for a better cause, to not feel. My voice couldn't be heard above the Capitol's – the cards represented my silence. I couldn't feel. I couldn't say anything other than what had been written for me. I would stand in front of these people that were more bone than flesh and tell them lies.
"Anwyn," Finnick places a hand on my arm.
Try harder, Miss Cresta. We are all watching you.
I grip the cards tighter. "I'm fine," I say. "I'm fine."
That was a lie.
I wasn't fine.
I wasn't fine when Mayor Undersee introduced me and I wasn't fine when I had to read from the cards word for word, ignoring the sullen eyes staring up at me. I wasn't fine being dressed in what I was – as simple as it was – when they all huddled together to find some warmth.
I tried to ignore them, my feelings, and the families of the children that had been slaughtered in cold blood to satisfy the Capitol. I try not to feel. To not notice every detail of this district that has so little. I couldn't worry about them. President Snow was watching and that was all that should matter, my survival.
Haymitch has no gift to offer me much to Vivia's annoyance, but I find that his words are better than any gift he could give me.
"I'm not much, kid, but you need a friend and I'm willing to listen. I'll bring the drinks."
"Thank you, Haymitch."
Over the years he would be there for me and Finnick. He said and truly believed he wasn't much, but he was a true friend. Like I had said before, I would come to care for a few others as time went by. Haymitch would be one of those others.
"Miss Cresta," Mayor Undersee calls to me after he'd made the citizens clap for me and my achievement. "It's custom for the children to offer you flowers and well wishes…"
"Oh, of course."
"If you follow me," he leads us all off the stage and towards a mass of children, each holding flowers while others clung onto siblings or friends.
"Thank you," I smile, taking every flower. This continues for more than a few minutes until I'm in front of an adorable little girl that reminds me of Coral with her two braids and a sweet smile that has no place in such a dark world.
"For you!" she thrusts the flower to me happily, some of the petals falling to the snow below us.
I laugh, tickling her chin. "Aren't you a cutie. What's your name?"
"Primrose," she grins.
"Everyone calls her Prim," another voice says.
I look at the older girl next to Primrose, the girl was probably twelve or thirteen, still young but her eyes told the story of a child forced to grow up much too fast.
"And you are?" I ask.
"Katniss!" Primrose replies for the girl. "She's my sister!"
My smile falters.
It's lovely, what flower is it?
It's called Katniss. They usually grow somewhere around District 12.
"Katniss," I repeat softly, the chilled breeze carrying the name away like a leaf. "What a beautiful name. No flower for me?" I ask at seeing that unlike the other children she had none in her hand.
"I could give you grass if you'd like."
Vivia gasps, appalled that someone would speak to me in such a way, but I laugh it off and take one of the orange flowers from my bouquet, offering it to her. "For you," I smile. "A beautiful flower for a beautiful girl."
She stares at the flower before taking it. "Thank you."
"I like your braid," I touch her hair gently, noticing the shivers that rake through her and probably rattle her bones. I can only imagine how long she as well as the others had been made to wait in the cold. It's willpower that her teeth aren't chattering to the point of breaking.
At seeing her sweater, more loose threads than anything else, I want to wrap my cowl around her and give her my leather gloves to keep her from freezing, but Finnick shakes his head next to me. It's a small movement that no one else would notice or think more of it, but to me it's a warning. I couldn't help this girl. I had a part to play and it didn't involve being kind to anyone.
No, the Capitol Anwyn was meant to care for only herself. So I do the only thing I can that still falls with the act and will get these poor people out of the snowfall. There homes are undoubtfully just as cold, but it's better than this. They didn't want to be here, nor I.
Neither of us wished to celebrate the deaths of the innocent.
"I'd like to go inside," I say in a superior tone. "It's too cold and my shoes will get ruined with all this dirt."
"I completely agree!" Vivia says. "There should have been a carpet or something put out to keep us ladies from ruining our shoes, they're quite expensive! I don't know how Trinket can endure such conditions."
"My apologies," Mayor Undersee says. "We can warm up at my home. Dinner won't be served for another few hours, but we can surely provide cider and bread from our bakery. I had the Mellark family make all sorts of sweets for Miss Cresta…"
I don't listen as he goes on about the bakery or how his daughter could play the flute to entertain us, my attention is on the young girl in front of me. "Goodbye, Katniss," I say, letting go of her hand that I had held between my own gloved ones, wanting to offer her some of my warmth.
"Goodbye, Anwyn."
As Finnick leads me away, following the others to the Mayor's home, I look back at the girl and find she too is watching me. I don't know what it is about her that draws me – perhaps it was her name or the fire in her eyes. Perhaps it was the way she held her head high when the others cowered.
"Your shoes are clean."
I turn to Haymitch, my brow raised.
"Careful, Cresta. It doesn't end well for people like you."
"People like me?"
"The ones that have a heart."
…
…
…
District 11 is pleasantly warm compared to District 12. It's one the largest districts, although most of it is covered by crops. There are orchards of all kinds, berry fields, and dairy cattle. In another life this district would be considered beautiful and abundant, but I knew that like the fish back home their crops were meant for the Capitol.
There is a total of five victors in District 11 and most of them are on the older side, Chaff being the youngest at forty or so. They're all kind. Seeder especially, who hugs me as if I were her own child, her hand running up and down my back. I expected them to hate me or at most dislike me greatly for killing their tribute, but they welcome me and my team with kindness.
I'm even surprised when Chaff hugs Vivia, telling her how beautiful she looked and making her swat at him with a giggle. Finnick is also welcomed with a loud kiss on the cheek that has me laughing as he wipes it off in distaste.
As for the district's citizens, they are similar to the ones of District 12 and my hatred for the Capitol grows. When I read from another set of cards Vivia had given me, I avoid looking at the podiums where the families stood. Families that I had a hand in causing so much pain.
"It wasn't your fault," Chaff whispers as he places a garland of what he tells me are cherry blossoms around my neck as a gift.
"They make you think that it is."
He chuckles deeply. "They're good at that."
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District 10 and District 9 are slightly better than 11 and 12, only slightly. Their victors are quiet, simple, forgettable. For a moment I wish I could be one of those victors, the ones that the Capitol didn't love because their Games weren't as interesting.
Sadly, I'm now the Capitol darling or so Caesar says that night while I'm on the train heading to District 8. Finnick isn't pleased at hearing that – the way his hand grips his glass of wine to the point of breaking it letting me know as much.
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District 8 is an urban place that stinks of industrial fumes and there is barely a blade of grass in sight. As for the victors, they range from strange to absolutely senile with the exception of Cecelia. She politely introduces everyone to me, and I feel sorry for the woman that has to show me around her district with a heavy belly in tow.
I also find myself wondering why she would bring children into this world when she knew firsthand how cruel it could be. It was common knowledge that the children of victors would be thrown into the arena the moment they were of age to add suspense. It makes me think about me and Finnick. I had never given children much thought, but now as I watch Demetria and Luciana coo over her pregnancy the thought begins to plague me.
Domestic bliss was not possible in Panem, at least not in the districts.
Before we leave, Cecelia lets me know that she is a good listener and gifts me a box filled with lovely fabrics in all sorts of colors that Pixie immediately touches, and no doubt starts preparing a new wardrobe for me.
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District 7. It was one of the three districts that I dreaded visiting. I wish that we could skip it and pretend it doesn't exist, but that's not how it works.
"I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this," I rock myself over and over on the bathroom floor.
"Anwyn?" Finnick knocks on the door.
I cover my ears, trying to drown out everything around me.
Allies?
Shorty.
You've grown on me.
Tell my family I tried…
"Stop, please stop. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," my nails dig into my skin.
"Hey, hey, don't do that. Love, don't do that."
I cower away from Finnick's touch, my hands now in his.
"Annie –"
"Please don't make me go," I beg him. "Please, I can't do this. I can't be here."
Finnick pulls me into his arms, holding me tight as I cry into his suit. We stay like this for what feels like hours – with me trying to stop the memories and him murmuring words of comfort and love. I've ruined all of Demetria's hard work with my tears surely, I can't find it in myself to care.
I couldn't dress up for them.
I couldn't put on something pretty and smile when I was here.
When I was here, and he wasn't.
"Anwyn? Finnick?" I hear Pixie call from the other side of the door before she carefully lets herself in, kneeling next to us on the floor.
"Sweetheart," she strokes my cheek.
"I can't do this," I sob.
She sighs, glancing at Finnick and then back to me. "Yes you can, Anwyn. You're going to go out there and say what you have to, even if you're breaking inside. You owe him that much."
"Pixie," Finnick growls.
She ignores him. "If you don't go out there…If you don't give the Capitol what it wants, then what he did for you will mean nothing. You'll be punished someway, somehow. He saved your life. The least you can do is read from a few cards."
I know she's being harsh. I know that it's cruel of her to remind me of the boy that was to kind for this world. I also know how right she is. There was no excuse for me not to get off this train and give the Capitol their puppet. Any lie to avoid this would only result in something worst for me or those I held dear.
"Can you do that Anwyn? Can you do that for him?"
Another sob rakes through me, but I nod in consent.
"None of this is fair, Anwyn. None of it. Still we have to endure for those we left behind. Come, I'll fix your makeup."
When I'm just as presentable as I had been for the other districts, Finnick and Pixie lead me out to meet the others. They're all quiet, even Vivia who has voiced her opinion at every one of our stops. Demetria doesn't say anything when she notices the change of eyeliner, for that I'm grateful.
Afton…Afton notices. Although his expression gives nothing away, he runs a hand over my thick braid gently as if wishing to console me. "The victors are waiting with the mayor, there's a lot of cameras."
I fight to hold myself together and not cover my ears again, instead giving a simple nod. "Let's go."
Just as Afton had said there were cameras everywhere. It was vastly different from all of the previous arrivals in the districts. I force a smile and wave to the cameras, although I'm not sure if anything was believable on my part. I'm glad my eyes are hidden behind the contacts; else I fear they would see my hatred and the pain I truly felt.
The district's two victors stand stoically at the front of the cameras, the mayor silently watching with unease.
"Anwyn, I'm Blight. Welcome to District 7," a burly man with short brown hair and matching beard offered his hand with a smile.
"Thank you," I glance over his shoulder at the cameras.
"This is Johanna," he motions to my predecessor.
Johanna Mason is pretty in her own way with a set of wide brown eyes and dark shoulder length hair. Her appearance is innocent, but I know better. Like me, Johanna had hidden behind a façade to ensure her survival.
"Hello," I smile at her.
She looks between me and the cameras, her expression not hiding her dislike. "Pleasure," she turns on her heel and walks off.
"Excuse her," Blight apologizes.
I stare after her. "It's fine."
"Shall we?" the mayor, who had been silent until now said. "We don't want to run late."
I nod, not trusting my voice to keep from breaking.
The drive to the Justice Building is unfortunately not long enough. No one utters a single word in the car, nor do they look my way. I think they're all waiting for me to break. I know I am.
There's so many trees, I think to myself as I trace the shape of one through the car window.
Once out of the car, we're led through the backdoor of the building. I catch a glimpse of the crowd, but I don't dare look at the podiums.
"My star," Vivia joins my side, another set of cards in her hand.
I take them wordlessly until I read the first few lines. "Vivia?"
"Yes, my star."
"Did you write this?"
Everyone turns to us.
Vivia clears her throat and looks at me with a deep sigh falling from her blue lips. "No. I did not."
"Then who?"
"Anwyn," she takes my hand. "Just read the cards. All you have to do is the read the cards and we will be on our way."
I shake my head, wanting to scream and tell her that I wouldn't. That I wouldn't tarnish his memory with this stupid, ridiculous speech.
"Anwyn."
This time it's Finnick who speaks, his eyes begging me to do what I was supposed to. I face the door in defeat, the cards crumbling in my hand.
"YOUR VICTOR OF THE 70TH HUNGER GAMES, ANWYN CRESTA!"
The peacekeepers open the doors and I have no other choice than to walk out and face them all. I look only at the crowd. I still don't dare look at the podium where his family would be. If I did then it would all be over. Surely I would break completely.
"Thank you, Mayor Arbor," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.
My hands are shaking as I glance down to the cards. I can feel them watching me. I can feel the cameras on my face, trying to capture every emotion. For a moment I just stand there and say nothing, the words stuck in my throat.
Just read the cards. Just read the cards. Just read the cards.
"We stand together," the microphone lets out a screeching sound. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and try to continue. "We stand together today…under the warmth, the love, and protection of the…of the Capitol…''
Although I'm staring at the cards, I can still see the disappointment in their faces, some shaking their heads with sadness at hearing the speech. The speech made for me to submit and for them to know I was no hero. I was not and would never be their savior.
I was no one.
"The Capitol that has given us the honor to represent our districts in The Hunger Games. To be part of a long history…" my hands shake more and more. "A long history of unity that prevailed after the darkness of war."
I'm going to throw up.
"To be a victor…To be a victor is a gift bestowed upon me by those that care for us. My victory is a reminder of the generosity bestowed only by them to us. Your tributes…" I freeze, not knowing if I could continue. But I have to. "Your tribute fought with honor. The Capitol and District 4 thanks you for your sacrifice. We are a country united. Panem today. Panem tomorrow. Panem forever."
Silence.
There is only silence as I finish speaking. I finally look up and I'm incapable of turning away as I see them. As I see his image behind them. His handsome face. His hazel eyes that stared back at me.
Allies?
You've grown on me, shorty.
Tell my family I tried.
His family…His family is only his mother and a young boy no older than twelve that looks so much like him. They're staring at me, their expressions just as broken as mine was at this moment.
Just read the cards. All you have to do is the read the cards and we will be on our way, Vivia had said.
I had read the cards. I had done just as they wanted. Just as I was ordered. My mistake was looking up. I knew that I should just thank the mayor once more and walk off, pretend that he had meant nothing to me. That he had just been a means to my survival.
I couldn't.
His brother clung to their mother, a woman that had lost her firstborn child. That had no husband, perhaps dead just as her son.
Tell my family I tried.
"I didn't know Amber," I say, my voice shaking just as my hands were. "But I knew…I knew him." My eyes fill with tears. "He was my friend. And he was good. And he was brave. And I'll never forget him. He wanted you to know that he tried. He tried to come home."
His mother kisses her son's head.
"Thank you for the bread."
Someone whistles softly and then they all do. He had whistled the same tune when we had found the creek the day before he…before he was gone. It was the tune they whistled as they worked to make the long hours go by faster, he had told me so.
A tear rolls down my cheek. I notice then that the cameras quickly shut down and a group of peacekeepers come onstage. The mayor shrinks as what I'm sure is the head peacekeeper walks past him and towards me, taking me by the arm and speaking into the microphone.
"EVERYONE IS TO RETURN HOME. A CURFEW HAS BEEN IMPLEMENTED! ANYONE SEEN OUTSIDE OF THEIR HOME WILL BE PUNISHED!"
There is an outcry of anger from the crowd who begins to push against the peacekeepers, ignoring the guns and batons that were pointed at them. I'm not able to see more as the head peacekeeper opens the door to the Justice Building and throws me inside, my hands barely catching my fall and saving my face from the stone floor.
"How dare you!" Vivia shouts. "She is a victor!"
I hear my entire team protest while Finnick hurries to my side, helping me up and checking for any injury. He's furious. Both with the peacekeeper and me. For now though his anger is directed at the stone-faced man in front of him.
"Touch her again, I dare you," he snarls.
"The Capitol will hear about this treatment," Vivia steps between us and the peacekeeper. "You are not allowed to lay a finger on a victor!''
"She started a riot. I don't give a fuck who she is," he emphasizes each word, walking Vivia back into Finnick's chest. "Now take your little victor and put her on the train to District 6. GET OUT NOW!"
Vivia, Demetria, and Luciana all shrink under his order.
Finnick is about to respond back, but Pixie steps in. "We're leaving. Our apologies," she says.
"You'll be escorted to the station," he tells us just as gunshots are heard.
I jump at the sound. "Don't hurt them!"
"Enough!" Finnick silences me, his fingers digging into my arm.
"I want all of you gone this second," the man glares straight at me before storming back outside, the door slamming behind him.
Another gunshot.
Look at what you caused, Anwyn. More deaths because you couldn't keep your mouth shut, the voices taunt.
"You just had to read the cards," Finnick glares down at me.
"I did…"
He snorts. "Well done."
I wither under his blazing sea-green eyes. There's nothing I can say to make what I've done better. I wasn't going to apologize. I couldn't. Couldn't let the sweet boy's memory be ruined with that ridiculous speech.
What you could let happen was get more people killed, right?
Suddenly a feminine hand is in front of me, drawing my attention away from Finnick and to Johanna.
"Johanna Mason, District 7."
I stare at her hand and then back at her.
"You're supposed to shake it."
I do as she says. If she notices my trembling hand, Johanna says nothing.
"I could use an ally and so could you," she says.
Johanna Mason…she…she would be like a sister to me after I had lost my own. She would later tell me that I was the only family she had left.
This time there are no cameras waiting for us when we get to the train station, only a deafening silence. Finnick had ignored me as we were escorted back and continued to do so when he rushed onboard, not even offering to help me out of the car as he'd been doing.
"He'll get over it," Johanna rolls her eyes. "Give him a sugar cube or something."
I let out a soft noise that's between a laugh and a sigh. "I don't think a sugar cube will get me out of this…"
She shrugs before taking something out of her coat pocket – it looks like a bunch of little green needles wrapped in a red ribbon. "Here. I thought you might like this instead whatever the mayor wanted me to give you."
I twirl her gift slowly in my hand, inhaling the woodsy sent that reminds me so much of the sweet boy.
"They're pine needles. Now you have a part of 7 while you're doing this shit."
I blink away my tears and pull her into a hug, surprising her. "Thank you, Johanna. Thank you."
"See you at the next Games, Cresta."
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District 6 knows what happened in 7. When we arrive there are peacekeepers waiting for us and they seem to flock every corner of the district. The mayor is polite, but I know he would rather not have me there. As for the victors there are only four of them, each one heavily addicted to morphling.
Vivia again gives me the notecards and with them a pointed look. I choose to do what she wants when I stand in front of the citizens and this time I make no mistakes. I read word for word, never straying from what the cards. Not even when more than three citizens shout above my voice.
"TELL US HOW YOU REALLY FEEL!"
I don't stop reading.
I don't dare stop.
Not even when a group of peacekeepers walk offstage and grab a young woman and a young man, pulling them away roughly from the crowd.
Gunshots echo against the metal wall.
"We stand as a happy country," I finish.
I scream into my pillow that night, my nails scratching at my ears to make the voices stop. Finnick is still upset about what happened in District 7, so he isn't here to comfort me or tell me what's real and what isn't.
I'm alone with the dead.
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District 5 has a dam.
As I give my victory speech I wonder if it will break and kill me this time.
I scream into my pillow again.
There's water everywhere.
Finnick finally forgives me and comes into the room, taking me into his arm and silently wiping away my tears.
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District 4 will be our last stop, so we travel past it.
I stare at it with longing.
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District 3 welcomes me just as District 6 had. There are peacekeepers waiting to escort us and surround the crowd with their batons at the ready. The mayor has a sweaty hand and he doesn't look me directly in the eye when he greets me.
Beetee Latier and Wiress are kind. I find myself at ease with the strange pair that have a deep championship forged from years spent together. Wiress is shy, barely able to complete her sentences, so he finishes them for her. It makes me think of how Finnick has to pull me from the darkness when I freeze in the middle of a room.
The citizens don't take well with my Capitol speech. Four people are beaten to their knees and then dragged away.
Another gunshot.
More death.
"Thanks to the support of the Capitol we continue to flourish."
I barely make it offstage when I throw up.
"It's okay," a soft hand strokes my back.
I find Wiress kneeling next to me, a soft smile gracing her simple features.
"I'm going crazy," I whisper.
She shakes her head. "You're just as sane as we are."
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District 2 wants to see me as much as I want to be here.
They know what I did. That it's my fault they had no victor. If I hadn't gone through with my plan then they wouldn't have died as they did.
Clove looks just like her sister – small and dark-haired. Her eyes burn through me as I give another performance, praising the bravery of their fallen tributes. She doesn't blink. Doesn't stop letting me know that I had murdered her sister.
Only when Enobaria presents me with a gold leaf crown do I look away from the young girl. I'm surprised by the victor's politeness, her expression not showing any dislike for me. The rest of the victors had varied in their reactions when we'd met at the station. Brutus had noted my height, telling me I was shorter in person. Lyme was cold and silent, but I found her observing me with interest from time to time. The biggest surprise is Rubeus. He had been crowned a few years before Enobaria, once a brutal tribute that poisoned his allies, he now barely remembered his own name.
Maybe every district had a broken victor.
"Congratulations," Enobaria places the crown on my head.
I stare at her and wonder if she had always dreamt of tearing out the throats of children? Did she believe it was fine for a child to do that to another?
"Thank you," I say instead.
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District 1 is my own personal hell.
It was fitting that it was the last of the districts for me to visit.
The tour had been a slow torture that led to where my nightmares began.
"Now this is how you receive a victor!" Vivia squeals at seeing our greeting party – from the trumpeters that play as we emerge from the train to the Avoxes that offer refreshments before our drive to the town square, as well as the extravagantly dressed victors.
My head aches at seeing all this and at knowing that the Capitol would be much, much worst.
"Welcome to District 1," Gloss grins.
Behind me, Demetria and Luciana let out a breathy sigh at seeing the handsome victor.
"It's good to see you again," he goes on. "I'm absolutely hurt that you haven't given me a call or at least written me a letter declaring your undying love for me."
I snort. "Sorry, I didn't have your number."
"Really? I gave it to Finnick," he threw a glance over my shoulder at said victor.
"I must've thrown it away," Finnick fakes a smile.
Gloss only laughs. "Looks like I got competition," he winks. "Let's see who gets to be the victor of your heart."
"You're ridiculous," Cashmere says to him after walking over.
"Sister," he kisses her cheek. "Meet the other most important woman in my life."
She rolls her eyes before looking at me, her expression polite but cool. "Hello, Anwyn."
"Cashmere," I offer a small smile.
"You're very beautiful," she notes in a bored tone.
"Thank you…"
"Good luck with that."
No one claps when I'm presented onstage. I had made a fool out of their district and they hate me for it. I don't blame them. I hate me too more often than not.
As I read from my last set of cards, I keep my eyes focused on anything other than the beast's family and his image. His icy, blue eyes would surely drive me further into the darkness if I looked up. I would be just as mad as he was.
Lake, run!
The beast had killed the boy that loved me because of my betrayal. He had cut off his head and left mine completely broken.
"The Games bring us together. District 1 is a part of my victory and I thank you for your sacrifice."
Tributes of District 1 and 4, you are the final two. May the odds be ever in your favor.
"Your tributes shined as bright as the glimmering lights of your beautiful district."
Silence.
They all stare at me, the snake in the pack – that's what he had called me. That's what I am to them. I wonder if they would care that I had been driven to madness. Would they care that I was broken? Would they care to see the real me? The mad girl from District 4?
I doubt it.
They don't see how broken most of their own victors are.
"Let's give a round of applause to our newest victor!" Gloss steps in when the silence had become too long.
The other victors join in reluctantly.
Augustus doesn't present a gift to me as 1's reigning victor, not because there isn't one, but because Gloss takes it upon himself to be at my shoulder during the whole ceremony much to Finnick's annoyance.
The gift is a gold and turquoise bracelet, it's surprisingly simple and I love it.
"Seemed more like your style," Gloss took the bracelet out of the beaded box it had been in, practically throwing it at Finnick.
"It's lovely," I smile as the bracelet shimmers under the afternoon sun.
"I'm glad you like it – took me a week to make it. I wanted it to be perfect."
I look up at him. "You made this?"
"My parents had a jewelry shop before they died."
There's a deep sadness in his green eyes as he mentions his parents. I know then that he too was just as broken as most of us were.
"Thank you, Gloss."
Gloss Rubidium…He would love me. I would love him too, not like I loved Finnick, but I would care deeply for him. His death would break my heart. He would be free though. All he wanted was for Cashmere and for him to be free from the Capitol.
They would be free, and they would be together until the end.
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The Capitol, my final stop.
It would be the end of everything.
That's all.
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