AUTHORS NOTE: A massive thank you for the continued positivity and all the lovely reviews I am receiving regarding this story. I have never winged it before with a story and posted a work in progress like this so I do doubt from time to time whether or not it is hitting the mark, and all the comments I am receiving telling me how much people like it help me think maybe I am!

A few of you noticed and commented on the part in the previous chapter regarding John Flynn. Anyone who follows me and my stories knows how I brought up this subject previously in my very short story 'The Expensive Charlatan' where I questioned John's motives and his treatment of Christian, which evolved into a full-blown rant about the stigma regarding certain Mental Health Disorders. Don't worry, I'm not going to repeat myself with that but I felt it was relevant to this story to highlight what I see as John Flynn's lack of professionalism. As that is how I viewed E L James' depiction of that character in canon. Therefore, I am having this Christian questioning every aspect of his life now he is seeing other parts of his life differently, and so therefore questioning other things which he previously took as read.

CHAPTER 29

(GRACE)

I sit quietly watching the evening unfold around me. I look at my plate and smile inwardly at Christian's thoughtfulness as normally a meal of this simplicity would not be served in this house. He is clearly mindful that these people are not used to the levels of wealth we enjoy.

I listen as Alexander talks freely with Carrick and he reminds me a little of Ray in his way of thinking. He is concise and to the point. He is far more talkative than Ray though. I look at Edwin. His pain at losing two daughters is still very clear. First, he had years of uncertainty wondering what had happened to Ella and then he lost his other daughter Evette to Cancer. I suppose that it is raw though for him. As although Ella died nearly 30 years ago yet he has only just received the confirmation that she is indeed dead. I look at Hal, there is something about him… I am certain he is hiding something but I can't put my finger on it but he seems to skirt around the subject of family whenever it is mentioned. We have heard all about Liam's brother Brad and his family who live in Minnesota. It is difficult for me to hear all about this family, as when Alexander talks about Brad it appears he has very similar likes and tastes to Christian. I am happy for Christian that he can get to know these people and discover more about his own background. As god knows he deserves to have a little bit of lightness and happiness from his past before he came to us… but I worry that should he enjoy being with them and connect with them that we may lose him to them completely. I couldn't bear to lose him again after we have only just got him back, after Ana broke the influence Elena had put on him. But all I can do is silently support him and hope that he will not forget us.

"Sorry about that".

We all look up to see Elliot returning to the table after putting Ava down in one of the spare bedrooms upstairs.

"No problem son" Edwin says kindly. He hesitates a moment and shuffles uncomfortably, "Where is the child's mother?" he asks and I see Elliot's face close down.

"I'm in the process of divorcing her, had you arrived a few moments earlier you would've had the pleasure of meeting her, when she tried to gate-crash this evening" he says bitterly.

"I'm sorry" Edwin says immediately but Elliot shakes his head.

"No, don't be. I don't particularly want to think about my soon to be ex-wife but I don't mind answering questions about her. It was a valid question you asked; when I am here with my daughter and there was no mother in sight, and you weren't to know the circumstances".

There is a brief silence and then Alexander speaks, "You are all adopted?" he asks and Elliot and Mia both nod.

"Yeah, my mom gave me up after she was abandoned by my father, they were both very young" Elliot says matter of factly.

Mia nods in agreement, "More or less the same for me… I think, my mom was totally alone with me but I think something happened to her in my case and she had no choice but to give me up… although to be honest I don't really care and am not interested where I came from. My mom and dad have always been those two people right there" Mia says simply as she nods towards me and then to Carrick.

Carrick smiles widely at that, but I am saddened by her words. Mia's mother was doing a good job with her and she suddenly became gravely ill and she sadly died. She had been abandoned by Mia's father and her own family had disowned her. We have always been totally honest and open with both of them about their origins so for her to be so flippant about where she came from troubles me a little. I look at Christian, we didn't need to tell Christian he was adopted as he was fully aware of what was going on because he was that bit older.

"I've often wondered where I came from" Elliot says suddenly and the shock at that statement goes through me. He has never said anything like this before.

"Really?" I say as I can't help myself.

Elliot looks at me carefully and nods. "I know that you are my mom and dad is my dad, I know that nothing will change that… but after seeing what happened with Ana and Eva recently and now Christian is meeting his biological family it kind of focussed my attention on where I originally came from…" he fades off and concentrates on his plate.

I have no idea what to say to that. I know it's only natural to be curious and I would never prevent any of my children looking for their birth families if that was what they really wanted to do.

"You know you have my support Elliot, if you wanted to find your birth family" I say and I glance at Carrick who also looks stunned by this news. "And I'm certain you also have your fathers support?" I add as I look questioningly at Carrick.

Carrick glances at me and quickly pulls himself together, "Yes of course" he says.

Elliot seems to relax at that and seeing that reaction is when it hits me. He didn't want to upset or offend us. That is why he has never mentioned it before. I realise that I have never really asked Elliot about this, we told him he was adopted and we just assumed he was fine with it as that was the response he gave us. It is easy to dismiss Elliot as alright as he is so easy going and light hearted about everything and with that thought it hits me that it appears it is not only Christian I have failed.

"Thanks that means a lot" he mutters quietly.

I watch Ana lean forward, "If you want to, I could ask Eva to put you in touch with the lady who helped us find each other?" she asks gently and Elliot grins at her.

"Thanks" he says simply.

"Do you have any information like a name or anything?" Arnie asks, joining in this conversation.

Elliot takes a shot look at us again and shakes his head. "I have information which my dad held about my adoption. My original birth certificate has my mother's name but not my fathers… I don't know though but I think it would be my biological father that interests me more than my mother as at least I have a name there but I don't know how they would start finding my biological father when there is no information?"

Arnie sighs and cocks his head to one side as he responds to that, "It would certainly be opening a can of worms, as the first place they would start would be with the name you do have and that would be your biological mother" he says gently.

Elliot sighs, "I know, that's why I think I'll ask that company who put Ana and Eva together to deal with it, after all Christian said they did a really good job and he was even thinking about using them to look into his background at some point because they were so professional about it… as it turned out he didn't need to but the more I think about it the more I think I'd like to go for it. Now I'm a dad myself, it's been on my mind for a while. Ava is nearly 2 years old now and I have been thinking about it in the abstract ever since she was born. I have no idea if there is anything I should be aware of medically which could be passed on genetically to Ava. This whole business with Ana and Eva has just highlighted those thoughts and now Christian knows all about his background before mom and dad adopted him… well it's sort of focussed my mind on it and helped me come to the decision to find things out about me".

I am dumbfounded, I had no idea about any of this, but it highlights for me how close Christian and Elliot have become that they are confiding such things to each other. I feel like a terrible mother once more, I have not only failed Christian completely through his life I have also failed Elliot as I had no idea that he was feeling this way and was thinking about this and dealing with it alone. What hurts most is that he felt unable to talk to us about it. Then again until very recently I had no idea his marriage was in the mess it was.

"I'm going to Skype with Eva later so I will ask her" Ana says and I watch Elliot nod once more and quietly thank her.

After that talk moves on to us and Christian's biological family ask about how I first saw him and how we decided to adopt him and Carrick and I find ourselves talking about our memories of that time.

"When did you move to Seattle?" Hal asks.

"We moved here shortly after Christian's adoption became complete. Grace had become aware of a position at the big Seattle hospital in the Paediatrics department and I was keen to start up on my own in my own law firm. I had a few contacts here in Seattle including my now partner and so it seemed to be the natural place to settle. Grace's parents also lived in Washington so she would essentially be moving closer to them which we felt would be beneficial for the children as well as us," Carrick explains.

I listen to him talk about that time in our lives and how we had decided that it was the best thing to do, it was essentially a selfish move on our part for better things for both our careers. I wonder if we concentrated too much on our careers and not enough on our family.

"Do you have a family Hal?" I ask as I am curious to know why he keeps avoiding the subject of family.

I watch him shift slightly and he glances at my parents and then at Carrick and I wonder what the issue is. "It's just me and my husband" he says eventually.

With those words it all becomes clear why he was so evasive; he is gay and he was concerned about bringing it up in case it brought about a negative reaction. It must be awful to have to consider whether or not you can tell people who you really are for fear of a negative reaction. I see him relax as nobody bats an eye and simply accepts what he has said without question.

"Well you must bring your husband the next time you come to Seattle and visit" I say and Hal smiles at me.

"I will" he says.

"What's his name?" I ask as I have heard about all the other family members who have been discussed around the table this evening.

"Derek, his name is Derek" Hal says.

The talk moves on and the desert is brought in. I see Christian's eyes widen in delight at the sight of the apple pie and I smile, this has always been his favourite.

"Apple pie… now this brings back memories" Edwin says as it is placed on the table.

He looks at Christian affectionately, "You won't remember but this was always your favourite. You'd follow the process from the tree to the table. You and Ella would pick the apples from the orchard, you would watch her make the apple pies and you would stand by the oven while they cooked. We tried to tell you that it would seem longer if you just stood and watched the oven, but you wouldn't budge until it was done".

I see Christian look slightly stunned at this, "Apple pie is still my favourite" he says quietly as he pulls one of the huge dishes towards him.

Eventually the very pleasant evening comes to an end. We all bid a fond farewell to Christian's family as they leave to go back to the Heathman, and as they leave Edwin comes up to me and takes my hand in his.

"Thank you for taking such good care of our boy all his life" he says.

I feel the tears pricking at my eyes and I am unable to say anything.

"We are so thankful he ended up with such a loving wonderful family" Alexander says as he joins us.

Carrick thanks them politely and reiterates his regret that due to unforeseen circumstances they were denied the possibility of raising Christian.

We leave at the same time as Christian's family and I turn to Elliot and give him a hug goodbye as it appears that because Ava is now fast asleep upstairs, they will be staying the night here.

oooOOOooo

(ELLIOT)

I say goodbye to my parents and look at my brother who is watching me carefully. I am in awe of the way he has handled all this stuff. It is no secret that he has always been a bit… emotionally unstable. He would over react and fly off the handle at almost anything but the way he has just taken this in his stride and not batted an eye has been a revelation. I know the reason for that, he changed dramatically when he met Ana. She was the making of him, she has helped him so much in the three years she has been with him.

I have a lot of time for Ana, it is hard to realise that she is about the same age as Mia as the differences couldn't be starker. Mia is childish and self-centred whilst Ana is mature and the most selfless person I have ever met. I look upon Ana as my baby sister as I do Mia, but I feel I could tell Ana things I wouldn't dream of telling Mia.

"Do you want a drink?" Christian asks me which pulls me from my thoughts.

I shake my head, "No thanks I need to be on site first thing in the morning. I need to call the nanny and make arrangements for Ava tomorrow" I say.

"Don't worry about Ava, I'll make sure she gets back to your nanny safely" Christian says kindly.

"Thanks bro" I say, "But I still need to call her to make her aware of what is happening" I add as I pull my phone from my pocket.

After I have called the nanny, Christian and I are talking and discussing Kate's little performance when Ana pokes her head around the door.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt but I'm about to Skype with Eva, do you want me to ask her about Finding Family?"

I nod, "If you wouldn't mind" I say.

Ana nods, "I know, I'll Skype in here so you can speak to her yourself" she says and once again I am in awe of her, this is her time with her sister and yet she is more concerned about me and my needs.

I watch as she sets up her laptop and places the call to Eva. It rings out for a few moments and then she answers and I see Eva on the screen.

"Hi Ana… Oh there's Elliot!" Eva calls as she waves wildly at the screen.

I grin at that, "Hello Eva" I say.

"What are you doing there El, don't tell me you have left Christian for Elliot, Ana?" Eva says cheekily.

I glance at Christian whose eyes widen at that but he quickly recovers as he sees Ana laughing.

"I'm also here Eva" Christian says as he moves into the sight of the webcam.

Eva grins wickedly at him and then looks away from the camera to the side and a moment later Gideon appears next to her with an equally wide grin on his face.

"Good evening" he says politely as he peers into the webcam.

"Hi Gideon" Ana calls and I see Christian also respond with a polite hello.

"Hey, Eva the reason I am here is… Do you think I could have the name of the lady who got you two together… the one at that company who did all the DNA and stuff for you?" I ask.

Eva's eyes widen and she looks up at Gideon questioningly and it is Gideon who replies.

"Miranda Bennett is the lady in question at Finding Family, and she is an old college friend of mine who we contacted when Eva was trying to trace her biological father, but I'm certain I could put her in touch with you. Are you looking to discover about your biological parents?" Gideon asks and I nod.

"Yes, after it all worked out so well between Eva and Ana and now Christian has found his biological family, I have been giving it some serious thought. I just want to have some kind of idea where I come from… mainly for Ava's sake in case there are any medical issues I need to be aware of" I say.

Eva nods, "I get that" she says kindly.

"I'll call Miranda in the morning, am I alright to give her your contact details so she can call you directly?" Gideon asks and I nod.

"Yes, that's fine" I say. "Thank you, Gideon," I add and he waves his hand dismissively.

"No problem" he says simply.

I decide to give way now so Ana can talk to Eva in peace. So, peering into the webcam once more I say goodnight to New York.

"I'm off to bed now, as I have to be up early in the morning to be on site" I say, "So I'll say goodnight, and thanks again" I say gratefully.

"Goodnight Elliot and we'll talk to you again soon" Eva calls.

As I leave the room, I perceive someone behind me, so I turn and to my surprise I see Christian also leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

"El, wait up" he says and I pause wondering what he needs as he has that look on his face as if he is on a mission.

"What's up?" I ask as I wait for him to reach me.

"El, do you want me to get Welch to check out who this person is?" he asks. It takes me a moment to realise who he is talking about.

"You mean my biological mom?" I ask and he nods.

"Yeah, I mean… you have no idea who you are reaching out to. It might be an idea to find out who they are… I mean the last thing you need in your life is a criminal or something, after all you have Ava to consider".

I think about that, and wonder how he can find out this stuff, "But how can you find this out?" I ask and he grins.

"It's best not to ask those types of questions but Welch could find out if they have a criminal record and their whereabouts, where they are in the country etc. So, from that you can have a vague idea if you want to reach out to them" he says.

I think about that and nod, "Yeah I get what you are saying, ok… her name is Sadie Sharp and she lived in Detroit when she signed me over. I can't remember anything else but I'll check my birth certificate as that had her age on it so that might help as well as I don't have a date of birth for her".

Christian nods, "Yes it will, I'll pass this on and see if it helps Welch. But I'm certain an age will help more," he says.

I reach out and wrap my arm around him, I move slowly so he can brace himself and see exactly what I am planning to do.

"Thanks bro" I say as I slap him on the back.

He returns the hug, "No problem" he replies.