Jason is, honestly, not expecting to hobble out of the shower, shirt in hand, to find Batman backed against the kitchen counter courtesy of the dog. He vaguely recalls hearing barking, but he'd yelled at her to be quiet-nothing short of Judgement Day was going to drag him out of his hot shower-and that had been the end of it.

Although, to be fair, there's a chunk of cape hanging out of her mouth. And she's pissed; Jason forgets, because she loves to be hefted up and rocked like the world's ugliest baby, that Lemon's big. Ninety-five pounds* of muscle and teeth on his girl, with a deep growl that makes her sound even bigger. And sure, he'll own it; tug-of-war is a pretty even match.

"What d'you want, Bruce." He pulls his shirt over his head and makes his way, slowly and painfully, into the kitchen. Oof...maybe, just maybe, telling Ivy he had weed killer was a mistake. It was necessary, because those damn maneaters of hers had started encroaching on the Alley-and the kids therein-but maybe he should have tried for a little more tact. Or at least requested that the plants be kept in the Diamond District.

Next time.

"Is she yours."

"Came with the apartment," he snarks. "Alfred know you didn't call ahead?"

"I did." What. "You didn't answer, and your...disagreement...with Ivy made the five o' clock news."

Ah, that's Bruce-speak for, I was convinced you were bleeding out on the floor. Jason wonders if he did that thing he used to do, where he'd call twenty times in twenty minutes while breaking every speed limit known to man and panicking.

"Shower."

"I noticed."

"Of course you noticed. They don't call you the world's greatest detective for nothin'." He gives Lemon a quick poke to the shoulder. "S'all right, sour girl. He's harmless."

He tilts a little and yeah, there's no hiding the tear in his cape. This is great. He's framing the scrap, maybe he'll get a little plaque made saying, like, Cape of Batman, Obtained During Home Invasion.

Something along those lines, anyway.

"When."

"You never did learn how to use the question tone, huh?" Oi. He's hurtin' tonight, looking forward to getting to bed. "About three months. Picked her up out of a dog fighting ring."

Bruce is silent, but it's an assessing one. Jason supposes it's not totally his fault, being cornered and all like he is, but jeeze. He lost the want for a paranoid parent the first time Joker broke his collarbone. Send a text and chill the hell out.

Well, Bruce can stand there and think about things, but Jason would like his dog to let go of the scrap before she manages to eat it. He'd also like to sit down.

"Gimme this." He gives it an experimental tug. There is no giving. "Lemon. Drop it." She gives him a dirty look. "It's not food, let go."

Thankfully, they don't have a repeat of the Banana Peel Incident. She lets it go-oh, jeeze, it's wet and disgusting-and he drops it on his kitchen chair rather than hold it.

"Thank you." He pulls on her shoulder, but she doesn't budge. Whatever. "I'm gonna siddown, Bruce. You can make yourself comfortable or not, but I'm tired."

"Is anything broken."

"No. M'just sore, that's all."

Honestly, he's expecting Bruce to vanish now that he's seen what he came for. But he doesn't; he follows Jason into the other room. Honestly, it's a little unnerving.

"I didn't know you wanted a dog."

"I didn't." The dog in question hefts herself onto the sofa next to him. "I couldn't just leave her there. She was hurt, an' her face was all mangled, and I…"

I know what that feels like, he doesn't say. Thankfully, Bruce either gets it or doesn't feel the need to push.

"Are you hungry?"

He has to laugh, even after all this time. Bruce makes that weird exhale that's his version of a laugh, too.

"A little," he admits. "I mean, if you wanted to apologise for upsetting my dog, you could go get me Batburger."

Even after all these years, Bruce still manages to...vanish. Seriously, Jason blinks and he's gone. Fine.

"He'd better remember I hate warm burger-pickles," he tells Lemon, who kindly drools on his leg. "But I guess you can have 'em if he doesn't."

THE END

*I have never seen a 'purebred' pit this big; Lemon is not one, however. She has some American Bulldog in there, hence her size.