Chapter 30
Haley sat up straighter as she prepared herself to walk up to Nathan's front door.
She had been sitting in his driveway for about a half an hour now, which felt ridiculous to her.
She just needed to figure out what to say to him.
It was almost eleven. He might not even answer.
She got out of the car slowly, hoping that Nick wasn't home. They needed to fight this out without the possibility of him waking up to them.
Haley walked up to the front door, knocking on it loudly so that Nathan would hear it from wherever he may be in his house. She wasn't sure she'd be able to knock again if he didn't come the first time.
Nathan pulled open the door after about ten seconds, a sheepish look on his face.
"Hi," He said softly, clearing his throat.
"Can we talk?" She asked, clasping her hands together in front of her.
"I thought you'd just chew me out tomorrow, so this is pleasant surprise," He attempted to joke, before pulling the door open wider. "Sorry."
Haley stepped inside and Nathan swore he felt a chill follow her as she passed him.
He was dead. She was going to murder him.
He shook his head at the thought. No she wasn't.
"What are you apologizing for, exactly?" She asked him, raising her eyebrows.
"That one was for the joke," He said, shrugging slightly.
"You crossed a line tonight, Nathan," Haley informed him, stepping into the living room and shaking her head.
"I know," He replied, looking down at her as she sat down.
"Clay told you about it, I'm guessing?"
"Yes, but I think you should've told me," He said simply, sitting down in one of the chairs next to the couch.
"Why would I have done that, Nathan? Enlighten me," She asked, scowling at him.
"Because you went on a date, Haley!"
"It wasn't a date, Nathan!" She defended, letting out an annoyed sigh. "They wanted to watch Macey so I invited him along because I knew he would have fun."
"You could have invited me," He said, crossing his arms and frowning at her.
"And do what? Fight?"
"No! We can have fun. We don't need to just fight, Haley. I would've been perfectly fine."
"You would have read into it, Nathan! Just like you read into tonight and took it upon yourself to find out where I was going and show up at the same place. Why? Because you were jealous?" She snapped, balling her hands into fists and pressing them into her head.
"Yes," He answered honestly, leaning forward slightly. "Because I can't handle you dating someone else."
"Not that it's really you're business, but I'm not dating him," She informed him, sighing softly.
"How was it, Haley? Really?" He asked, looking at her.
"You know what, Nathan? I kept myself locked up in my house almost all summer because I didn't want to go out and see you somewhere. I had fun and I'm not going to apologize for it," She responded, shrugging.
"If you would have just answered one of my damn phone calls we wouldn't be here, Haley! We wouldn't be arguing, and you wouldn't have gone out with Adam tonight. It would have been you and me if you would've just answered me!" He groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Maybe so. But I learned a lot about myself this summer, and I just couldn't pick up my phone. I couldn't bear to hear your voice after you hurt me so badly! Why don't you understand that, huh?"
"I do understand that. I just wish you would've just answered me. I called you every day," He reminded her, leaning back in the chair and shaking his head.
"We can't keep having this conversation," Haley said, looking at him sadly and sighing. "Something has to change, Nathan. Because I can't do this anymore."
"I can't do this anymore either," He responded, staring back at her.
"I had fun tonight, Nathan. I was having fun," She said, sighing softly. "Adam is such a good guy and-"
"I don't want to hear this," He cut her off, frowning.
"Let me talk," She demanded, shaking her head. "He's such a good guy and he deserves someone that can make him happy."
"What about you, Haley? Don't you deserve the same? Don't I deserve it too?"
"Of course you deserve someone that makes you feel happy, I never said anything different than that," Haley defended, scowling at him.
"Well what is your point to all of this? Adam makes you happy, you make him happy?" He asked, running a frustrated hand through his hair.
She opened her mouth to speak again, but he kept going.
"What's next, Haley? You like him. He makes you so happy, but what happens next? What happens with us? You said you needed time and I've been patient!"
"No, you haven't been patient, Nathan! You ambushed my plans tonight. For what reason? Did you want me to say goodbye to Adam and act like these past few months never happened between us? Jump into your arms?"
"Yes, that is what I wanted!" He said, falling back against the chair once again, staring up at the ceiling.
Haley brushed her hand through her hair, leaning back as well, keeping her eyes on Nathan.
God, he looked so exhausted. He had dark circles around his eyes. Why had she not noticed that before tonight?
His hands were shaking slightly as he raised them to rub down his face.
"Nathan..." She began again after the moment of silence between them, letting out a sigh. "Tell me what you miss about me."
He looked at her again, blinking. "Will it make a difference?"
She shrugged in response, keeping her eyes on his.
"I miss everything," He said softly, clearing his throat. "Not just when we were whatever we were. I miss all of it. I miss fighting with you about things that didn't really matter, I miss watching you with Macey and with Nick. I miss your eye roll when I say something stupid to try and make you laugh... I just miss you, Haley. I miss being your friend. I miss being the person that you tell things. I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, Haley. Ranging from stealing a school bus, to marrying someone I shouldn't have married. But... I regret letting you go the most, Hales... And I can't lose you. I miss you too much already and you're sitting right in front of me."
She nodded slowly at his words, letting them sink in.
She missed all of those things too. She missed the smile he save for her. The way his eyes lit up when she walked into a room. His raspy voice in the morning. She missed the way he made her feel.
But the feeling was still there. She'd just tried and tried to suppress it. Nothing had worked.
Nathan was even persistent in her own thoughts.
"I shouldn't have crashed your date, or whatever you want to call it, tonight, Haley. And I knew that as soon as I saw you. I shouldn't have done it. But, what did you expect me to do when I found out?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I didn't want you to find out, Nathan. Because I knew you'd do something like that," She informed him, shrugging her shoulders.
"Because you know me, Haley," He urged, shaking his head. "What do you know about him?"
"Let's just leave him out of this," She replied, sighing softly. "This is about us. Not anyone else."
"I'm sorry that I showed up tonight, okay? You were slipping through my fingers and I couldn't go down without a fight," He said quickly. "I'm sorry that I broke your heart and hurt your daughter, Haley. I'm so sorry. I regret it more than anything in the world. I'm sorry I made you feel like you didn't mean anything to me, because you did. You mean more to me than anyone else ever has. I'm sorry, okay? I don't know what else you want me to say!"
"I don't want you to say that you're sorry, Nathan. I know that you're sorry," She said, nodding at him. "And I'm sorry too. I know that this has been hard for you."
"What else do you want from me? Because I've been racking my brain on what I can do to show you that I want to be with you, but I clearly I do crazy things like beg Clay to tell me where you're going and show up there," He said, just a hint of humor in his eyes.
"If I'm being honest, Nathan, I don't know what else there is to say," She said softly, opening her mouth to speak.
But he cut her off again.
Dammit, Nathan. Listen before you speak.
"So that's it?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at her.
He felt a clench in his chest. It was over. Was that what she was saying?
She was officially calling it after one date with some guy she barely knew. Some guy that probably deserved her more than he did, but still.
It was over. Even thinking the words felt like a ton of bricks were being dropped on him.
She'd given up on him. Found someone that treated her the way she deserved.
But it had only been one date?
"Nathan-"
"I don't want it, Haley. You like him, don't you? I knew this was going to happen," He groaned, rubbing his hands down his face. "What did he do that was so special? Huh? Talked about the stuff you care about? I can do that. I did do that! Do you think I care about grammar rules? Not even a little, but I listened to you tell me about them because I care about you!"
"Will you-"
"Did you kiss him?" He asked her, scowling slightly.
"What? No!" Haley said, shaking her head quickly. "I didn't, Nathan. Just-"
"But did you want to? I'm going to have to move Nick classes because I can't go into school every day and see his face, Hales. I don't know how we are going to last with this. I don't know how we're going to let Nick and Macey stay friends because I can't see you with anyone else. Do you think you could see me with someone else?"
"No," She answered quickly, before he went off on another rant.
"Are you just playing games with me at this point?" He asked, standing up quickly.
She frowned, shaking her head. "No, Nathan, not at all-"
"You should have told me you were going on a date."
"For the love of god! It wasn't a date!" She interrupted, looking up at him. "And I didn't have to tell you! I already told you that I was going to talk to him, didn't I? Stop making me seem like the bad guy here. You're the one that showed up unannounced just to mess with me," She pointed out, standing up as well.
"Texting someone a couple times a day is different than spending time with them," He argued, looking down at her, crossing his arms. "And it wasn't to mess with you. It was to remind you that I'm here."
"As if I could forget that?" She laughed, mimicking his stance. "You are all I can ever think about, Nathan! I know you're there."
Both of them were getting seriously frustrated at the other.
Nathan wouldn't let Haley explain herself completely because he kept getting defensive, which made her upset.
And Nathan was also sure that he was about to be officially cut off, which didn't make him even a little bit happy.
But her words tamed him down a little bit.
"Then why go on a date, Haley?"
"Because I just had to see!"
"See what? If you like him more? If you want to be with him instead of me?"
Haley groaned, pressing frustrated hands to her hand. "This is not what I wanted to happen tonight. I didn't want to fight. I just wanted to talk."
"No, you came here to yell at me. I screwed up, and I'm sorry. But I can't take it back now. I shouldn't have done it. I'm not like you, I screw up a lot," He said, looking down at her.
He just kept talking. And the more he talked, the more annoyed that Haley got. He was being ridiculous and childish. His arguments were all the same. It was so frustrating."
"-And now you found a new guy that you like. A new guy you want to be with-"
That was it for her. She was interrupting.
"I don't want to be with him, Nathan!" Haley nearly shouted in order to shut him up, raising her hands up in frustration.
It felt so good to say that to him out loud.
"What?" He asked, looking down at her quickly, his eyebrows knit together in surprise.
That made him fall back on his heels a little bit.
"I don't want to be with Adam," Haley finally said, clearing her throat. She turned away from him, taking a couple steps away, before turning back, squeezing her hands together.
Nathan was racking his brain to figure out what to say to her. But for some reason he couldn't come up with the words.
What did that mean?
"You don't?" He finally asked, eyes wide. "But he's-"
"Handsome, smart, interesting to talk to, good with kids, and more," She finished, sending him a small smile. "I don't want to be with Adam, because I want to be with you, Nathan."
Nathan blinked at her, a smile growing on his face.
His plan worked?
Showing up at her date actually worked?
Suck on that, Clay.
Now he actually had to remind himself not to call it a date.
"Are you... Going to say something?" She asked him curiously, a small smile on her face.
"Why?" He questioned bluntly.
Idiot.
Don't ask 'why?'
Amateur hour over here.
Just accept it.
"Why? That's all you've got? I thought you'd be more excited than that," She laughed, shrugging her shoulders.
"I mean- what changed?" He asked, taking a few steps closer to her.
What he really wanted to do was reach out and grab her.
"Honestly? It was tonight," Haley said softly, clearing her throat. "And before you go thinking it was your doing, it wasn't. I still think that was overstepping."
Okay, so maybe it wasn't crashing her date. He'd still tell Clay that was the reason.
"I went into it looking for clarity and I got some," She informed him, smiling. "I want to get back together."
"I'm in," He said, reaching forward and grabbing her hand, pulling her to him quickly. "You don't have to tell me twice."
"I'm pretty sure I just did," She reminded him.
"Details," He whispered, looking down at her and smiling. "I want to be with you so badly, Haley... And again, I'm sorry. For everything."
"I forgive you," She told him, resting her hand on the side of his neck. "Clean slate, okay?"
"Okay," He replied, nodding.
"Also..." She said, letting out a sigh. "I think we should work our way back up."
"Up to what?" Nathan asked, squeezing her hand lightly, resting his other hand on her waist.
"We need to rebuild the basics before we jump into it again," She said, brushing her thumb along his skin. "Which means... Let's start as friends."
Friends?
He could handle that. Being with Haley as friends was much better than nothing at all.
"Okay," Nathan said, smiling at her. "I can handle that. But when we were friends I really annoyed you."
"When we were more than friends you really annoyed me," She joked, smiling at him.
It was amazing how quickly the tension in the air disappeared.
Nathan rolled his eyes, laughing at her joke.
He missed this. It wasn't perfect, but it was what he needed. What they both needed. Each other.
Both of them felt a huge weight off their shoulders.
"I want to start tomorrow night with you and Nick coming over to watch a movie with Macey and me instead of them hanging out during the day. Just a little surprise for the kids that I think they'll really like. I'm going to the store before I pick up Macey tomorrow, you can text me what Nick wants," She said, nodding up at him.
He nodded at her, "Sounds like fun. He'll love it," He said, keeping a tight grip on her waist. "I know I'm in no position to negotiate, but can I make a suggestion?"
"Go ahead," She said, looking up at him curiously.
"We seal this new deal of ours with a kiss. Last one for awhile," He hummed, winking at her.
"Sustained," She replied without hesitation, grabbing his face and pulling him down into a kiss.
Haley felt the familiar pound in her heart as their lips moved together.
This was right. They were a mess, but they were going to become one giant mess again rather than two separate messes.
This night had made everything so clear to her. She wanted to be with Nathan. Yes, it might take a little while to work back up to what they once were, but they needed this new foundation to make them stronger.
Her heart had never really left him though. She was just feeling confused, and she wasn't anymore.
At least not as confused as she was earlier in the day.
Yes, the night had gotten very skewed along the way, but they'd found their way back.
A clean slate. A new beginning.
And she didn't regret her words for a second.
"Counter offer," She said, pulling away briefly. "I stay the night, but nothing sexual happens."
"Counter counter offer, you stay the night but we can still kiss until you leave here tomorrow," He replied, smirking at her.
"I'll allow it," She said, throwing her arms around his neck to get more leverage.
"Thank you, Judge Haley," He joked, lifting her off the ground and kissing her again.
This was going to be the first good night of sleep either of them had in awhile.