Metanoia

Epilogue

At ten to seven Rory looked over herself in the mirror and smiled harder than she had in a long time She looked good, like she remembered herself looking before everything had happened. Natasha had straightened her hair and pinned it back on one side, which complimented the simple blue jeans and high collared white blouse that she was pretty sure was Maggies. A simple blue pendant hung in the middle of her chest, compliments of her grandmother and even the scar around her throat didn't bother her as much. She was trying to think of it as a badge of honour more than a horrible memory. It was something that had happened and she'd survived.

"Here, borrow this." Natasha said as she handed Rory her brown leather jacket to wear. "It's casual but still nice."

"Thank you." Rory turned to her, folding it over her arm. "Do I look ok?"

"You always look more than ok." Natasha assured her. "I'm really glad you're doing this."

"It's not really a date." Rory waved her off, nerves and excitement creeping up her throat. "More like hanging out as friends, like we used to."

"It's a small step in the right direction."

Rory nodded, knowing that Natasha was right.

"Well it feels more right than anything else I've done lately so I guess yes."

Natasha kissed her cheek.

"Good." She agreed. "And as you said, this is just you and Steve hanging out as friends."

"Just like old times."

"Exactly." Natasha opened Rory's bedroom door and ushered her out.

"What are you and James going to do tonight?" Rory asked as they descended the stairs.

"Dugan said something about and old card game that they never got to finish. Apparently James owes him money." Natasha smirked.

"And does James remember this?" Rory asked, her eyebrows knitting together in concern and she turned to look at Natasha behind her.

"He actually does. Peg's playing too. It'll be a nice night in." Nat grinned. Her eyes flickered to something behind Rory at the bottom of the stairs and Rory turned, finding Steve standing there, waiting for her with his hands in his pockets and a twinkle in his eyes. He had his old, brown leather jacket on and a blue collared shirt underneath it. He too look like how he once had, before everything had happened. The beard still stayed though, which she was pleased with. She wasn't sure she could go back to the squeaky clean, cookie cutter look.

"You look beautiful." He said with a smile.

"You don't look half bad yourself." She replied, taking his arm when it was offered.

"Have her back by 11, young man." James put on a gruff voice.

"Buck, cool it." Steve groaned. Rory turned to find him in the doorway, her grandparents behind him, all smiling widely.

"What is this, entertainment for you guys?" Rory tried to sound annoyed but erred more on the side of amused.

"Seriously though, curfew is at 11." Dugan said as Steve opened the door. "No later! Keep it PG with my little girl Ste - "

The door closed behind them, blocking out whatever was coming next.

Steve breathed out.

"Shall we?"

"Where are we going?" Rory asked and followed Steve to his bike. She was glad she wore jeans.

"Into the city, if that's ok?" He asked, hesitation in his eyes. Rory reached for the spare helmet decisively.

"Perfectly fine." She smiled, pulled the helmet down over her hair and ears. "How do I look?" She asked, striking a pose. Steve laughed.

"Beautiful." He said as he swung his leg over the bike. He held out a hand to help her on.

She settled in behind him, sliding forward on the seat until she was flush against him.

He reached for her hands and wrapped them around his waist, making sure she was holding on tightly. She pressed her cheek into his back and listened to the bike roar to life.

It wasn't long after they'd pulled away from the house that Steve was parking the bike and helping her off, tucking the helmets away for later.

"Are you hungry?" Steve asked and Rory shrugged.

"Starved." She replied. "Did you have somewhere in mind?"

"There's a nice little Italian place up ahead, or if you feel like something else we can walk around until you see something." He offered, shoving the keys into his pocket. He ran a hand over his hair, the little tick the only thing betraying his nerves to her. She smiled warmly and held out her hand, watching the surprise flicker across his brow before he smile and took it in his own.

"Italian sounds great." Rory said as heir fingers linked and they started to walk. "Just like the first dinner we ever had together." She added

"You remember that?" Steve asked and Rory nodded.

"Oh yeah, of course I do. You were so nervous and that waitress was just throwing herself at you." She snorted a laugh. Steve grinned.

"I believe you said it was because, I was… tall and gorgeous and here to save the day?" He winked. Rory's laughter continued.

"That's absolutely what it was." She said through her giggles. "Is. It still is."

"Not so much these days. The beard hides me a lot." He rubbed his chin. Rory reached up and did the same, scruffing the coarse hair that smelled like sea salt and clove.

"I like the beard." She said "I'm glad you didn't shave it off for tonight."

He captured her hand in his, kissing the back of it.

"I very nearly did. Damn thing itches like crazy." He admitted. "But I didn't want to get recognised."

Soon they were inside the restaurant, a nice little mom-and-pop family run place. It was busy, being a saturday night and all, but Steve seemed to be friendly with the waitress. In no time

at all they were seated at a semi-secluded table near the back, close enough to the window that they could see parts of Boston behind The Esplanade.

"This is really nice." Rory said after the waitress sat them and walked away.

"I've been here a lot." He admitted, ducking his head. "I stayed with Peg and Dugan for a while after you left, before they moved to DC. This was my regular place to eat and be by myself."

Rory looked at the red table cloth under her fingers, tracing the pattern in the weave.

"How long did you stay?" she asked softly.

"Almost a year… but hey, that's old news. We don't need to talk about that." He reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it.

"I know." She took a deep breath. "What else did you do while you were here?" She asked, catching sight of the waitress again. She was headed this way with a notepad, probably ready to take drinks orders.

Steve followed her gaze, smiling when he saw the waitress.

"I explored the city." He replied "I can see why you love it so much."

"It's my hometown. Nothing will ever compare to it." She agreed as she waitress stood beside them. She was young, maybe still in high school, but held herself confidently enough that told Rory she was probably the owners daughter and had grown up doing the job.

"Anything to drink?" She asked, smiling warmly at Rory before glancing at Steve "You want the usual, Steve?"

"Yeah thanks Bee, just a Sam Adams for myself and..." Steve answered, glancing at Rory.

"Soda, please.." She replied. Steve's brow furrowed and Rory waited until the waitress walked away to answer the obvious question. "My medication doesn't react will with alcohol." She admitted quietly, looking at her hands.

"Ah." Steve nodded, remembering that she'd told him about it a while back. She hadn't liked the idea of it but he was glad she saw the necessity. "Hows that going?"

"Good. It's working… it's mainly for anxiety and it's a low dose since I didn't want to be on it in the first place… but it's working well enough." She shrugged as she trailed off. "He wants to talk to you. Doctor Roberts I mean." She said suddenly, remembering Doctor Roberts request.

"Me?" Steve asked, frowning. "Why me?"

"Because you were a big part of everything that happened and there were two of us who lost everything." She said, guessing most of the reasoning. "I think he just wants to get your side to have a bit more clarity."

"Then I'll be there. When's your next session?" Steve said easily and without any hesitation. A weight lifted from her chest and her shoulders sagged with relief. She didn't know why she'd been so afraid to ask Steve to help her but she had.

"Monday. Will you still be here?"

"We head back on Tuesday so I will definitely still be here and I will definitely go talk to your doc."

Relief washed over Rory and she squeezed his hand.

"Thank you, Steve."

"Anything for you, you know this."

"So you keep reminding me." She replied while opening her menu.

"And I'll remind you until the day you believe it." Steve did the same, letting go of her hand to scan the food. Rory had a feeling he already knew what he wanted.

"Oh I believe it." She said, her eyes zeroing in on the classic spaghetti bolognese. She snapped her menu closed and looked at him over the top of it. "I've always believed that."

"Well I'm just going to keep reminding you anyway. Just in case." He followed suit with the menu and took hers. "Do you know what you're having?"

"Spaghetti bolognese. Please."

"Ooh it's good here." He approved, gesturing for the waitress again.

Once orders were taken and drinks were served, the two just talked. They found themselves falling into the same old familiar way of being around each other that had once been the standard. Steve talked about his transition from Avenger to SHIELD and Rory spoke fondly about Australia, dusting on the good parts of two very bad years.

Steve was even able to catch her up on things she'd missed within her own family, which had her both laughing and crying, a strange juxtaposition of emotions that overwhelmed her completely.

"All the kids are great though. I didn't mind taking them trick-or-treating at all."

"Even if they got you dressed in your Star Spangled Man outfit?"

"You saw that, huh?" Steve groaned. Rory laughed, nodding wildly.

"Oh yeah, Maggie took great delight in showing me the photos a couple of weeks back. Those booty shorts really suit you."

"Har har." Steve said sardonically, his eyes gleaming as he tried his hardest to seem embarrassed. "It was a very cheap knockoff version of the suit and I don't miss it at all." He said with a grin. "It was somehow even more uncomfortable than the original." He added with a grimace, which made her laugh again. "But it was fun. This year I've promised Hannah that we'll do Dorothy and Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Joshua wants to be Toto."

"Sounds like it's going to be a fun halloween." Rory smiled, sitting back in her seat with a contented sigh.

"Oh it will be. You're back, so you'll have to come with us."

"Maybe I can be Glinda the Good Witch." She suggested and Steve's face lit up.

"I always did think Scarecrow had a thing for the Good Witch." He winked, causing her cheeks to burn.

He gestured for the bill and finished his drink.

"Do you want to get out of here and go for a walk? It's a nice night out tonight."

Rory glanced out of the window into the clear night. The Esplanade was still busy with people and tourists and while normally it would have made her feel anxious to be so exposed, being with Steve put her at ease.

"Sure. Let's go." She agreed, reaching for her purse. She protested when Steve waved her away.

"No, this is a date." He said as he swiped his card. "I pay."

"Steve…" She said with a sigh. "This isn't… a date… " His face dropped and she regretted her words instantly. "Ok it is a date but I can pay..."

"Think of it as me paying you back for the Italian food last time." He gave her a sidelong glance. "Look, I remembered that little plastic card and everything." Her lips twitched but she conceded, letting him pay for their meal.

Stepping out into the open air was nice and she held his arm as they crossed the road toward the Esplanade. It was busy with people enjoying the summer evening and she felt herself start to drift, scanning the crowd for any threats rather than listening to Steve as he talked. His hand found hers tucked into the croos of his elebow and he squeezed her fingers, as if sensing her thoughts.

"We don't have to go for a walk - "

"No. It's fine." She shook her head, determined to do this. "It's such a nice night..." Squaring her shoulders she pushed one foot in front of the other and Steve started talking again. He prattled about the Avengers as they walked, telling her about Tony being hell bent on registering the heroes and how it bugged him to no end.

"Some of these people have families. They don't want to be exposed to a list that we can't guarantee will always be safe."

"But you know there are going to be people who won't trust who they don't know." Rory said evenly. Steve's forearm stiffened under the hand and she squeezed. "I'm not agreeing with Tony, but I'm also not saying that he's completely wrong. Who are we to decide the fate of the world, hmm?"

"We're genetically engineered to decide it. These big bad monsters just keep coming and each one hits harder than the last. Being registered should be the last thing on our minds."

Rory pressed her lips together, knowing the argument would fall on deaf ears. Steve was just as stubborn as she was, more so when he set his mind to it. He clearly had it in his head that this was a bad idea so she let him have it. The night was too nice to fight over something like this.

"I'm sorry, doll. I shouldn't be piling my work problems on you." He ran a hand through his hair and Rory shook her head. They came to a stop, leaning against a rail on a quieter part of the esplanade.

"No, I like hearing about it. I just… don't think you want solutions. You just want someone to listen." She smiled, angling her body to face him. He looked down at her, his smile half hidden beneath the beard. His eyes traced her face as if he was trying to commit it to his already perfect memory.

She didn't flinch when he reached up and brushed some hair off her face, tucking it gently behind her ear.

"You've always been good at listening to me… and giving me advice."

"Whether or not you actually listen to it is another story, right?" She smiled, leaning into his touch as his palm rested on her cheek.

"I try." He said softly, before falling silent. Rory's breath caught in her throat as his eyes darted between hers and her lips. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her stomach in knots.

"Steve…"

"Can I… Can I kiss you?" He asked. "Please."

She knew if she said no, he would respect that. She knew that if she told him to back off, that this was too much, he would listen to her.

But she didn't want that.

She wanted him to kiss her.

This had been a perfectly mundane and normal date.

Why shouldn't she kiss him?

"Please." She breathed, leaning up to close the gap between them. Their teeth clicked together as she over shot how close he was and they laughed lightly. He placed his hands on her waist and she relaxed into him. Her heart beat wildly, like a school girl experiencing her first kiss.

It felt natural and normal and like home being in his arms. She'd missed the warmth and protection they gave. She missed how well she fit with him.

Steve pulled away and breathed out, like the breath had been knocked out of him. He rested his forehead against hers.

"Please tell me if this is too much. I know you said you just wanted to be friends for a while…"

"3 months is a while… right?" She smiled and he laughed, his head tipping back.

"But, how about… we just play this by ear." He suggested when he returned his gaze to hers. Shyly she nodded, resting her hands on his chest as he held her closer. "3 months is a while but I think we just… keep doing whatever it is we're doing."

This is exactly what she wanted and she didn't know why or how he was so patient with her.

Her eyes prickled with tears as her emotions welled up. His eyes widened.

"Oh god, no sweetheart, I'm not saying I don't want you…" He stumbled over his words and she laughed, her face burning as she wanted to laugh and cry at once. She couldn't talk for a moment and she felt like an absolute fool because clearly he thought he'd said the wrong thing when in fact he'd said exactly what she'd wanted to hear. "Aurora, please don't cry…"

"I'm trying not to!' She laughed finally, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand and hoping she hadn't smudged her makeup. "I'm not even sure why I'm crying… I'm just… so happy… that you're giving me the space without going too far away."

He looked at her like she was crazy for half a second before he gave a laugh, pressing his lips to her forehead.

"You're crying because you're happy. That's a new one." He held her close as she settled against his chest. "I promised you I wouldn't go far."

"I know but I gave you the most convoluted instructions I could have ever given. I didn't even understand them!"

"They weren't that bad."

They were silent for a long moment, looking out at Boston Harbour in their own world.

"Steve?" She said finally.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

His lips found her hairline again and he gave a squeeze. He didn't say anything else. He didn't need to. The I love you was unspoken as it always had been.

Steve's palms sweated as he sat in front of Doctor Roberts. He'd been pleasantly surprised when the man had greeted him with a hearty handshake and had offered him a stiff drink. He wondered if he did that to Rory too but he could see why she liked him. He asked questions and genuinely listened to what the answer was. He didn't scribble in a notebook, he just sat and listened. It was a conversation, not an interrogation and Steve found himself talking about things he'd never expected to ever want to talk about again.

"That can't have been easy for you, Steve. To keep something like that from Aurora?" Doctor Roberts asked, reaching over to refill his glass with bourbon.

"It wasn't. It really wasn't." Steve shook his head.

"You had to deal with losing your child on your own."

"I did." He reached for the glass and noticed his hands shaking. "I… I hadn't really thought about kids with Aurora… We'd only been together for a matter of months, less than a year… we moved crazy fast even if most of the time we weren't even officially together."

"Nothing like a life or death situation to speed up the normal process of a relationship, am I right?" The Doctor smiled over the top of his glass. Steve nodded and knocked back the glass.

"You're telling me…"

"Do you wonder how your lives would have turned out if you'd been able to explore the relationship properly?" He asked and Steve paused.

"If we'd been able to… date and be a couple before moving in together and getting engaged you mean?"

"Right."

"Well.. Uh… sure, I guess?"

But he hadn't and Doctor Roberts could see it.

Steve hadn't really ever asked himself what would have happened if Zemo hadn't taken Rory. If he hadn't almost lost her. Would he have still proposed as fast? He would still have loved her, he knew that much… But he truely believed he would have always ended up with her no matter what had happened in the inbetween... and there would have been a baby involved. Their lives would have been entangled together no matter what so he hadn't really thought to think about alternative scenarios.

"It's alright to face these things, Steve. From what Rory tells me about everything, you two are doing the right thing by staying friendly, staying in contact… relearning how to be you."

"She would have had the baby. We would have bee forced into being together by a child anyway."

"And you would have loved that child just as much as you loved her, I have no doubt." Doctor Roberts smiled. "I have absolutely no doubt that you and Aurora are written in the stars, for lack of a better phrase. I honestly only asked to speak to you to see how you were coping with everything."

"As best I can." Steve replied honestly. "I took her on a date on saturday night."

"And how did that go."

"It was really good. Really nice."

"Natural?"

"Yeah." Steve nodded. "Like it should be. Like it always has been."

"Good then. I'm happy with that." Doctor Roberts poured another small drop in Steve's glass. "I know you can't get drunk easily so, bottoms up." He said with a wink and a smile.