Paralyzed

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A/N-thank you so much to everyone who kindly reviewed the last chapter. Wow, work has been busy. It has prevented me writing much at all. Anyway, I finally have some time off, so for everyone who is still reading this story here is the next chapter…. Thanks!

Chapter Forty-Eight-Teardrop

"It sounds like you really bonded with Jannah." Rey said to Finn as they shared a late lunch together. It was the first time the two of them had a chance to really sit down and talk since returning to the Resistance.

Finn nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Yeah, it was good to talk to someone who really understood…you know…who'd been through the same thing."

"I know." Rey glanced down at her half empty plate. She knew exactly what he meant. It was how she felt about Ben. He had been the only one who had ever truly understood her. She was glad that Finn had been able to find someone to share his own experiences with. "Tell me more about her."

"She's a great leader." Finn explained, still wearing that same half smile. "She's got a natural ability to make her comrades trust and follow her."

"That's great." Rey picked at her food some more as she listened to him gush about his new friend.

"And she's an extremely competent engineer. She created her energy bow just from recycled parts of blaster rifles." Finn's expressive brown eyes were bright with enthusiasm as he continued to heap praise on his new friend.

"So, she's an amazing engineer like Rose and almost as good as scavenger as I am." Rey struggled to hide her amusement as Finn nodded his head in agreement. He had failed to pick up on her veiled sarcasm. She wondered if he was even aware of how he sounded. It was clear that he admired Jannah very much and Rey wondered if he actually felt more than friendship for her. She hoped so. She just wanted Finn to be happy. "She sounds very accomplished, Finn. I hope to get the opportunity to meet her someday."

Finn let out a soft sigh. "It won't be for a while. She and the other freedom fighters are out there, looking for others who have defected from the First Order just like we did. There were more than we could possibly have imagined. If she can convince them to join our cause, it will swell the numbers of the Resistance and we will have more of a fighting chance."

Rey studied Finn's handsome face thoughtfully for a minute. "Why did you come back, Finn? You could have stayed with them on their mission. I can tell you really miss being with Jannah and the others."

Finn swallowed thickly as he raised his eyes to meet hers. "I had my reasons. One of them being that I needed to make sure that you were alright. After Poe told me what happened with the damned Knights." He huffed out a frustrated breath. "You could have been killed, Rey."

Rey felt her frustration beginning to build-she took a deep breath. "You don't need to look after me, Finn. That's not your responsibility."

"No, you're right. It's supposed to be his." Finn argued. "Don't give me that look, Rey." He said when she glared at him. "You can carry on defending him as much as you want, but the fact remains he wasn't here to protect you…"

"Ben was off world getting supplies with Poe at the time. He can't be in two places at the same time. He assumed I would be safe on Hoth with the Resistance. None of us had any idea that the Knights were going to show up." Rey cut in before he could continue ranting about Ben. She was tired of hearing it. "You promised me you were trying."

"I am." Finn reached for her hand. "And before you accuse me of being jealous. Its not that. I've accepted that you've chosen him."

"Have you?" Rey demanded as she avoided his touch. "It doesn't sound like it."

"I don't care about his feelings, Rey. I only care about yours. I won't stand idly by if I think he's failing you." Finn replied fervently as he sat forward in his seat and placed his hands on his knees. "I'm your friend. And that's what friends do. They look out for each other."

"And friends also know when to back off." Rey warned him as she rose unsteadily to her feet. She cradled her curved abdomen protectively. "I'm tired of going in circles with you, Finn. If you can't let go of all this negative hostility toward Ben then we might as well kiss our friendship goodbye."

"I know you don't mean that." Finn stood up, his dark brown eyes shining with an emotion she couldn't quite define.

"I do." Rey's lower lip quivered as words made their way slowly out of her mouth. "Because I will choose him every time, Finn. Every. Time."

After her confrontation with Finn, Rey wandered around the outskirts of the Resistance base in order to compose herself. Ben was with Poe and Chewie. The three of them had flown off in the Millennium Falcon and were orbiting the moon, scanning the surface in one of their periodic checks to make sure that no enemy had infiltrated their defences. They didn't want another repeat of what had happened with the Knights of Ren on Hoth. Not wanting to distract Ben, she did her best to shield her emotions from him. She knew if he even got an inkling that she was upset, he would abandon his task and come straight back to check on her. Rey didn't want that. She knew how much he was looking forward to piloting the Falcon with Chewie and Poe. After his reunion with his surrogate uncle, the two of them had sat down together sharing bittersweet memories of Han and Leia, before Chewie had taken him on an emotional tour of his father's old ship.

Preoccupied with her troubled thoughts, Rey continued to wander alone until she accidentally stumbled upon Rose and some of the Knights. The petite engineer greeted her with a warm smile and motioned for her to join them. Trudgen stood up and gave Rey his seat while the other knights, Kuruk and Cardo, remained hunkered down next to Rose.

"What are you all doing?" Rey asked curiously.

Rose was surrounded by the dismantled parts of Kuruk and Cardo's weapons. Unlike the other Knights who favoured melee weapons for close quarter combat, Kuruk and Cardo brandished blaster weaponry—heavily modified and customized to their personal preferences. As such, Kuruk's blaster rifle and Cardo's arm cannon were unique hodgepodge constructions. The blaster rifle had three firing modes across two barrels, including a pump-action plasma bolt launcher that fed specialized ammunition into the larger firing chamber. It had a rapid-fire barrel with a cooling sheath, an upper sniper barrel with a direct line-of-sight feed to the macroscope, a pump-action bar, a vented stock for recoil reduction, and a tibanna bulb spikes laser output.

"This little genius is modifying our weapons." Cardo's tone actually sounded quite affectionate as he complimented Rose.

Rey raised her eyebrows in surprise but didn't comment on it. Rose Tico continued to amaze her. Everyone else wisely gave the Knights a wide berth, but Rose wasn't intimidated by them at all. She held her own among them, any crude comments or rough behaviour was dealt with by a fiery glare or sarcastic comment. It wouldn't surprise Rey if Rose wasn't just modifying the weapons to the Knights advantage, but also to theirs. Rey had enough engineering knowledge of her own to know that Rose was fitting a failsafe to both Cardo and Kuruk's weapons, so if they got the crazy idea to use any of them on the Resistance members, they would have the ability to use the fail safe from afar to cut off their weapons before they could inflict any damage.

"Can I do anything?" Rey offered.

Rose gave her a sly smile as the two women shared a knowing look. "That would be good."

"Here you go, princess." Cardo cleared some space so Rey could sit down next to Rose.

Rey fought a smile. She found it quite amusing the way the knights mockingly treated her like some kind of royalty. Even though their darkside reputation preceded them, she grudgingly had to admit, the more she got to know them, the more she realised that she was becoming used to their company. They didn't judge her like the Resistance did. Even though she had been welcomed back to the fold, Rey still felt that she wasn't fully trusted. Those she had once considered close friends were wary around her. Only a few-with Rose, Poe and Harter among them-acted normally around her. She understood how Ben must have felt his whole life, surrounded by others, but never trusted and forced to remain aloof, knowing that whatever he did he would always be judged.

"Where's Hux?" Rey asked Rose quietly as she picked through some of the parts. She was so used to seeing the two of them together, it felt odd that he wasn't there.

"Armitage doesn't feel comfortable around the Knights." Rose confided. "I sent him off to source some parts. He was reluctant to go but I made him."

Rey noticed the pink blush dusting Rose's cheeks whenever she spoke about Hux. It was obvious she had come to care for him in some capacity. She was intrigued to ask Rose more but felt it wasn't wise with the knights listening in. Rey mused at what a strange world it had become. Here she was hanging out with a bunch of darkside users and enjoying it.

"Drink, your highness?" Trudgen offered her a flask of what she hoped was jut water. "You've got to keep your fluids up."

"Thanks." Rey took the flask and opened it. She sniffed the contents cautiously, causing the other knights to rumble with laughter.

"Look at her face. Are you disappointed it's just water, your worshipfulness?" Cardo teased.

"We can always add a dash of Correllian whisky if you're desperate, princess." Trudgen laughed.

"Quit it. If Kylo heard you he would kick your ass." Kuruk snapped. There was no humour in his tone as he spoke.

"You can be such a miserable old bastard, Kuruk." Trudgen sneered.

Kuruk growled, his grizzled features twisting into a fierce scowl at Trudgen's insult. Rey pushed herself onto her feet quickly in an effort to intervene. "Enough!" She warned them both sharply.

"Whatever you say, princess." Trudgen gave her a mocking smile as he backed off and hunkered down next to Rose.

Rey watched as Kuruk stalked off. She hesitated for a minute before deciding to go after him. Ben had told her that Kuruk was a loner, that he preferred his own company over that of others. Rey kept her distance as she followed him to the Night Buzzard. He was a ball of tension, his fists clenching and unclenching as he walked. When he reached the ship, he halted, his head turning sharply in her direction.

"Did you want something?" He demanded coldly.

Rey stopped a few feet away from him, suddenly feeling ill at ease. She hadn't followed him to check up on him. She had an ulterior motive and he knew it. She stared at him, the fingers of one hand curling around the saber attached to her belt for reassurance.

Kuruk regarded her silently, his piercing gaze making her even more uncomfortable. "You want to ask me more about your mother." He said gruffly. "Like I told Kylo, I only got a brief glimpse of her."

Rey felt his darkness surround her. It was like a thick and impenetrable fog. She struggled to breathe under the weight of it. It was so much more intense than the other knights. Everything about the guy was a contradiction. His motives were hard to understand. On the one hand he remained as he always was-cold and aloof, but on other occasions he had expressed a concern for her that seemed to belie the darkness that shrouded him like a suffocating blanket.

"Why did you tell Ben about my mother?" She hated the quiver in her voice and jerked her chin up, trying to appear more in control.

"Why does it matter?" He countered.

Rey sucked in a shaky breath as she tried to probe his mind. As soon as she made the attempt he frowned, his teeth clamping together in another fierce scowl. "Don't even try it, girl."

"I can tell you're hiding something." Rey gripped her saber tightly, but she still didn't draw it. She didn't feel threatened in any way by Kuruk. In fact, she felt the opposite and couldn't explain why she was so drawn to find out more about this solitary, aloof individual. "I don't want to force the information out of you. But I will if I have to. You know I'm capable of it."

"I was afraid of this." Kuruk muttered as he ran his fingers through his shaggy brown hair. He was greying at the temples.

"You lied to Ben about my mother." Rey guessed as she felt her throat tighten. "The way you spoke about her to Ben…it wasn't just Vicrul who was enamoured by her."

"Vicrul was lucky I didn't disembowel him on the spot when I found out he had been in contact with her." Kuruk responded through gritted teeth. His fingers carded through his hair again restlessly. "I was proud of you for killing him. You did well."

"Proud of me!" Rey said in disgust. "I felt sick to my stomach when I did it."

"That's the light in you." A deep sigh escaped him as his piercing gaze met hers. "You were never meant for our world, child. The light surrounded you like a halo from the moment you were born. Your mother tried to snuff it out of you but you were always such a determined little thing." He moistened his lips as his eyes softened slightly. "As time went on, I knew I had to get you out of there before she succeeded. I couldn't bear seeing you suffer anymore. I was taking you to one of the contacts I had made on Hosnian Prime, he had found a family who was willing to adopt a little girl. But I didn't make it. Your mother found out my intentions and sent Ochi, one of Sidious' cultist's, to intercept me. We had made a pit stop on Jakku to refuel when Ochi caught up with us. I was running out of time. I didn't expect to survive the encounter with Ochi. I was forced to make a hasty deal with Plutt. He promised to take you the rest of the way to Hosnian Prime and hand you over to my contact for a substantial reward. I still owe that slimy bastard for betraying me and enslaving you instead. I assumed he had fulfilled his end of the bargain."

Rey's lips quivered as her eyes filled with liquid tears. Her emotions spilled out of her like water from a tap the more information that Kuruk revealed about himself. The barriers she had put up to shield her emotions from Ben so he wouldn't worry while he was away, shattered into a million pieces. High up in space, his control of the Millennium Falcon faltered as he was suddenly bombarded with each and every one of them. He tried to pick them apart and make sense of them, he could tell she wasn't in any physical danger, but he was still frantic.

"Sweetheart, what is it? What's happened?" Ben was beside himself with panic.

Down on the moon's surface, Rey faced Kuruk, her eyes brimming with tears. She was too sad to cry out or wail, she just stood there as still as a statue while the magnitude of his revelations swept over her.

"My father isn't dead, Ben." Rey finally answered him, completely distraught. "He's alive. He's been here all along."

A/N-thanks for reading. Please review if you have the time.