Chapter 79 - Bango Was His Name Oh
Narrator
Fresh out the net box
Stop, look, and watch
Ready yet, get set
It's Family Guy!
We see paparazzi taking photos of the cast as they come out of the limo and they walk on the red carpet.
Chorus:Oh, oh, oh
This is All That
This is All That!
First it show Frank waling out of the limo with a poster with the words "oh" and he poses for the camera.
Then its shows Meg comes in looking all sexy as she signs autographs while she winks at the fans.
Then it turn to Lois comes in hopping while grabbing rose as she gives a kiss toward the fans.
Chorus: Check it, check it, check it
Now this is just an introduction
Before I blow your mind
The show is All of That and yes we do it all the time
Then it shows Frank Jr poses as he pull his hat down his chest as he throws a rose to the Fans.
Then next person to show up on the carpet is Stewie. As he flips his hat back to his head while he give autographs to fans.
Then Brian comes in sliding on the red carpet as he waves at the fan as he walks in.
Chorus: So sit your booty on the floor or in a chair
Ground or in the air
Just don't go nowhere
Then Emily comes in give autographs as she smiles at the fans as she tells one of her fans to call her.
Then the scene shows Persephone puts a rose on her mouth with a sexy angry look on her face.
Chorus: Cause everything we do
It's all of that!
When entertaining you
We all of that!
Then Chris shimming down the carp as he gives the fan a shout out.
Then Peter slide towards the carpet as he flips his hat back on his head.
Chorus: My posse and my crew
It's all of that!
So sit still cause we're coming right back
Then the scene shows John throws a rose at his fans.
As the scene, changes to Tyler puts on rose his mouth as he gives everyone thumbs up.
Chorus: Oh, oh, oh
This is All That
This is All That!
Then scene change to the Family Guy MC Cast walks down the stairs as they take a group photo while looking gangsters of the 80. All this while music ends as the scene fades to black.
We now are visiting Quahog Circuit Shack, which is an electronics store in Quahog, Rhode Island.
As the Mallque/Griffin family went inside to get a new VCR. We see Frank and Meg looking at the cell phone for their new phones, while Chris was at the Video camera section as he puts the camera in weird palace of his body.
Meanwhile we see Peter, Lois, John, Tyler, EMILY holding Frank Jr in his arm while them looking at many different TVs.
"Wow! This must be one of them new plasma TV's." Peter said aloud.
As he, John, Tyler, Emily Frank Jr and Lois admire a 60" plasma television at the Quahog Circuit Shack as it plays a Samuel Adams commercial.
As the executives pictured order lunch.
"Would you like something to drink?" The waiter asked the executives on what they want.
"I'll have water, please." First Executive asked for water
"I'll have water too, but with lemon." Second Executive asked for water with lemon.
"I'll have a Sam Adams." Third Executive orders a Samuel Adams
"It's 9:30 in the morning. And don't you have an outstanding D.U.I.?" The four Executive asked him on why for his early drinking.
"Yeah, but I've gotta get the taste of weed and hooker spit out of my mouth." The third Executive notes that he needs to get the taste of weed and hooker spit out of his mouth
"I'll have a Sam Adams too." The four Executives said as this prompting the others to order the same.
As we zoom in to the bar with the beer's mascot, Samuel Adam.
"Samuel Adams- always a good decision." The Samuel Adam said as he tell the audience that his drink is a good choice.
OK, now, if I get a fax, can I stay online and still receive the fax without a dedicated line? Stewie asked the Foreign Employee about if he get a fax, he can stay online and still receive the fax without a dedicated line.
"Yeah, you can put a piece of paper in here and make, like, a phone call, and your friend will get another piece of paper with the same picture." Foreign Employee reply yes and he said something stupid.
"...Can I possibly speak to someone who didn't come to this country on a floating door?" Stewie asked on anyone in the store if he could speak to someone who did not come to this country on a floating door.
The next scene show our favorite salesman, Jim Kaplan coming toward the family.
"Can I help you?" Jim Kaplan "The Salesman" asked the couple if he can help him.
"Yes. We're here to replace our VCR." Lois tell him that they are here to replace their VCR.
"Yeah, don't try any of your salesman funny business...like that guy who convinced me to buy that pet Tyrannosaurus." Peter said as he sets up a cutaway about their pet t-rex
Cutaway
As we see Peter and Frank Jr playing with their pet T-Rex.
"Okay, Patches, now fetch!" Peter tells his pet dinosaur to fetch the stick. While Frank Jr throws the stick.
Then t-rex chase until it returns as it was eats another human.
"Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Drop it. Drop it. Drop it." Peter ordered as the T-Rex dropped a man from his mouth.
"Ew. It's got spit all over it." Frank Jr said, as he was gross out by the body of the man.
Cutaway Ends
Now back to the Quahog Circuit Shack.
"A VCR? Let me show you something." Jim Kaplan said as his show them the TiVo boxes next to them.
"It's called TiVo. It always records what you're watching...so, you can re-watch anything you missed." Jim Kaplan explain what TiVo is to the family.
"Oh! Sounds fancy. How does it work?' Peter asked on how it works while John and Tyler nodded in agreement.
"I'll tell ya how it works. Easy as pie, is how it works." Jim Kaplan said as he used the remote to rewind time for 5 second back to his conversation.
"I'll tell ya how it works. Easy as pie, is how it works. Should I ring it up?" Jim Kaplan asked them if he should ring them up.
"Hold on. Hold on. I think we should discuss it first." Lois said, to the group that they need discuss it first.
As Jim Kaplan was about to used TiVo works to skip through the Ensuing conversations. However, Frank Jr stop him.
"Allowed me, Mr. Kaplan!" Frank Jr said as he take the remote and he fast-forwarding the conversation, until they reach the counter to buy the TiVo.
"Some kind of palsy. Anyway, that's how I saved Christmas." Peter said the end of his story to the cashier.
"Yeah, go ahead and bag this thing for us." Frank said to the cashier to bag the TiVo for them.
"Wait… what?" Lois said as she notice that they were at the counter.
"Hahaha, I fast-forward your decision, Grandma!" Frank Jr said as he laughs at her grandma for her stupididing.
We now join the family driving toward their house until they spot Glenn Quagmire who brought a Winnebago Industries Inc.
Ah! Sweet, Quagmire. You got a Winnebago. Peter said about quagmire's new ride.
"Nice, quagmire!" Frank said in agreement.
"You mean a "Wanna-bang-o"! Hehehe alright!" Quagmire said the name of his van but with sexual meaning.
"Hahaha, How clever." Lois said in response as she fake chuckles at quagmire sick joke.
"Booo! That joke suck!" Tyler said as John and Emily nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, I'm gonna take her across the country...and bang a different broad in every state. Also, gonna go to Vegas." Quagmire explain that he going across the country...and bang a different broad in every state. In addition, he going to go to Vegas.
"Oh, we went to Vegas once. Remember, Lois? We saw the Jew Man group?" Peter said as he set up cutaway about him and Lois's time in Vegas when they saw the Jew Man group.
Cutaway
The Blue Man Group has been parodied as the 'Jew Man Group'! A performance art company formed in 1987, notable for their distinctive blue makeup.
Cutaway ends
Now we join the family in the living room as peter is using the TiVo.
"Dad, what are you doing?" Chris asked his father on what he is doing on the tv.
"I'm fast-forwarding through this pesky TV show so I can get to the commercials." Peter explains that he is fast-forwarding through this pesky TV show so he can watch the commercials.
As a commercial with Wilford Brimley appears on the TV Screen.
"Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?" Wilford Brimley explains that he admitting his abusiveness, and thought he beat his wife, who was actually deceased.
"This message brought to you by the national diabetes association." The Announcer person explain what this commercial is brought to you by the national diabetes association.
Now back to the living room as Lois come in with announcement.
"Lunch is ready come and get it!" Lois call her family to get dinner.
As the family goes into the kitchen leave the trio of Frank Jr, Stewie and Brian on the couch.
"Hey, what do you think it is, boogers on a biscuit?" Brian asked the babies if Lois is making boogers on a biscuit.
"Hahahahaha!" Frank Jr and Stewie laughs together by his joke.
"That's prob-That's probably what it is." Stewie said in agreement.
As they now watch the channel 5 news with Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons.
"We now go live to the streets of San Francisco...with Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa." Tom said as he turn to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa to go live to the streets of San Francisco.
"Diane, is she Chinese or Japanese?" Tom asked Diane if Tricia was Chinese or Japanese.
"She's Japanese, Tom." Diane reply that Tricia was a Japanese person.
"Wow. I know a Japanese woman." Tom said excitement that he know a Japanese person
"Tom, I'm standing here amidst the heated debate...over a recent petition to change the name of the city...from San Francisco to something a little less gay." Tricia explains to the viewers that theirs amidst the heated debate over a recent petition to change the name of the city from San Francisco to something a little less gay.
As she spot the first person to asked about the name change.
"Excuse me, sir. What would you like to rename San Francisco?" Tricia asked the man who looks like Stewie about the rename the city of San Francisco.
"Well, given the wonderful shoe shopping, I would cast my vote for, "Heaven"." Adult Stewie said as it shocked everyone in the room about his appearance.
While Stewie sees someone identical to him.
"Who the hell was that?" Stewie asked his family on the man who looks like him but older.
"What the fuck?" Frank Jr said in question about the man who looks like his uncle/best friend.
"I say, press the button. Make it stop." Stewie said to Brian to pause the TV programs with the TiVo remote
Therefore, Brian did that and it pause on the face of the man who look like Stewie. The man had brown hair, wears a white long sleeve shirt with a green turtle vest
"Oh, my God. He looks just like me." Stewie said as he see the resemblance with the man on the tv.
"You know what? He does." Frank Jr said in agreement.
"Almost looks like he could be your father." Brian said as he notice that this man could be his father.
"He could be my father. My real father. I knew it! Lois must have mated with this poor fellow. I have to get out to California. I dare say I would fit right in with the kids from 90210...even the older-looking one." Stewie said, as he believes that the man he sees is his real father and he sets up a cutaway about 90210.
Cutaway
As Jennie Garth, Jason Priestley, Luke Perry, Shannen Doherty, and Tori Spelling appear in a cutaway that parody their teenage characters, even though they began portraying them in their mid-20s.
"Boy, that test sure is gonna be hard tomorrow" Donna said.
"You said it, Donna. Hey Andrea, can you help me study?" Kelly asked.
"What?" Andrea asked with a horn on her ear.
"I said, "Can you help me study?"" Kelly repeated herself.
"Dylan, I fixed your socks" Andrea said.
"Hey, Andrea, are we still goin' to the concert?" Dylan asked.
"This used to be all orange groves, far as the eye could see" Andrea said.
"Okay. So, I'll pick you up at 7:00" Dylan said.
"Barbara Stanwyck and I used to take the trolley" Andrea added.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join Lois in the backyard doing her gardening until she heard peter.
"Hey, Lois. Thought you might be in the mood for a classic." Peter said as he is singing 'Here comes Peter Parker...Spiderman! Spiderman!' to the 1966 Batman TV show theme song because the producers could not get the rights to the Spiderman theme.
Peter
Na na na na na na na na
Spider-Man! Spider-Man!
Here comes Peter on the clothesline but his name's not Peter it is
Spider-Man! Spider-Man!
Come on Lois, let's get busy maybe right here in the garden here comes
Spider-Man! Spider-Man!
Touch my can with your hand
Spider-Man!
"Oh! Help! Spider-Man. I'm being attacked by the evil rosebush." Lois said as she call for him to save her from her bushes.
"Ah! I'll save you, Mary Jane!" Peter said as his jump on her and they tangle together on the ground.
As Peter is trying to have sex with Lois but Emily, Chris and Persephone keep intruding.
"Oh, my God!" Persephone said in shocked
"I don't know what they're fighting about...but I think Mr. Griffin's winning." Tyler explain to the other kids on what happing.
"Go, Dad!" Chris cheer on his father.
"No guys, they are having sex and we should be here!" Emily said as she explain to her sibling that their parent are having relation and they should leave.
"Kids, can we have some privacy please?" Lois asked her kids if they could have some privacy.
"Yeah, you guys are more annoying than that announcer on those TV commercials." Peter said in agreement, as he sets up a cutaway about an announcer on those TV commercials.
Cutaway
"Wacky, waving, inflatable-arm-flailing tube man.! Wacky, waving, inflatable-arm-flailing tube man.! Wacky, waving, inflatable-arm-flailing tube man.! Hi, I'm Al Harrington, president and C.E.O. Of Al Harrington's... Wacky, Waving, Inflatable-Arm-Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse. Thanks to a shipping error, I am now currently overstocked... ...on wacky, waving inflatable-arm-flailing tube men... ...and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, make a splash at your next presentation... ...keep Grandma Company, protect your crops, confuse your neighbors. African-American? Hail a cab, testify in church or just raise the roof. Whatever you're wacky, waving inflatable-arm-flailing tube man needs are. So, come on down to Al Harrington's... Wacky, Waving Inflatable-Arm-Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse. Route 2 in Weekapaug!" Al Harrington announced.
Cutaway Ends
We now join Stewie in his bedroom with his piggybank.
"Forgive me, Mr. Oinkbaum, you will be missed."Stewie said to his piggy and he hits piggy bank with a hammer.
There we are. Stewie said as he pick up his cash from the broke remains.
"What are you doing?" Brian said as he and the boy question him on what he is doing.
"None of your beeswax, Ramona. But if you must know, I need a plane ticket to San Francisco." Stewie said as he explain that he need money to buy a plane ticket to San Francisco.
"Pfah! Good luck, plane tickets are about 450 bucks." Brian explain that plane tickets are about 450 bucks.
This cause Stewie's jaw to drop down like an anime character.
"Four hundred... Brian, hit me in the mouth." Stewie asked Brian to hit him in the mouth.
"What? Why?' Brian asking him why he should hit him.
"I hear this Tooth Fairy gives you money for your teeth. Have at it!" Stewie explains that Tooth Fairy gives you money for your teeth and he want him to go at him.
Uh, OK. Brian said as he goes to take a swing at Stewie.
"NO, NO, DON'T, DON'T, DON'T, STOP, STOP!" Stewie said as he freaks out by Brian trying to hit him.
As Brian lower his fist and this cause Stewie confusion.
"Why did you stop? I said hit me!" Stewie asked him on why he stop.
"You flinched." Brian explain to Stewie that he flinch.
"Well, of course I flinched, you were going to hit me!" Stewie said as he explain that he flinch because Brian gonna hit him.
"Well make up your mind! What do you want me to do?" John tell Stewie to make up his mind.
"Hit me!" Stewie asked Brian to hit him again.
As Brian tries again but Stewie freaks out again.
"ARGH! No, no! Don't! Don't!" Stewie said as he begs him to stop.
As Brian, John and Tyler sighs by Stewie's flinching.
"I'm sorry, look, I know I'm being hard to read- OOF!" Stewie said as he tries to apologies until John could not take anymore and he smack him.
They check if Stewie was okay, but he is unconscious. Therefore, Brian bailed out of the room.
Now we join Frank Jr and Stewie outside the house as they are selling lemonade.
"Hey! You there! Buy this yellow drink." Frank Jr asking an old man to buy their drink but he was ignored and the man walk away.
"Hey, preggo. Preggo. Hey, I'm talkin' to you, tubby." Stewie asked bonnie to buy his drink but she just walks away.
"Oh, don't you ignore us. Ooh!" Frank Jr said as he and Stewie were piss off by being ignored.
"Pardon me, sir. Sir? Sir? Oh, the hell with this." Stewie said as he chase the man and break his leg.
Then he and Frank frisk him of his stuff.
"So, we had to do it the hard way, hmm?" Stewie said as he takes out the man wallet and it had six buck inside.
"Six bucks? Nice-looking wife you've got. Maybe I'll look her up while you're in the hospital." Stewie said to the man about his wife and he leave him with his empty wallet.
Until Frank Jr return with a cup of lemonade.
"Don't forget your lemonade." Frank Jr said as he throw him a cup of lemonade into his face.
After the babies left the scene, John and Tyler just witness what happed outside and they shrugged it off. Then they went toward the lemonade stand and they drank the last bit of it.
"Man that's some good Lemonade!" Tyler reply as John nodded in agreement.
Meanwhile at the kitchen, Brian is seen paying bills, as Frank Jr and Stewie enters
"Oh, there you are. I thought you should- What are you doing." Stewie asked Brian on what is he doing.
"Paying bills." Brian reply as he was mail his paid bills.
This made Frank Jr and Stewie question Brian!
"What bills? You have bills." Stewie asked in shocked on why he has bills.
"Well, there's cable and-." Brian reply that he pays the cable until the babies interrupted him.
"Grandpa pays for the cable!" Frank Jr reply that he know that his grandfather pays the bills.
"It's at this; uh...It's at this girl's house. Do you want something?" Brian said as he was avoiding the question and he asked them on what they want from him.
"Yes. I'm still short for my trip. I've only got $200. I suggest you pony up the difference immediately or I'll e-mail the contents of your hard drive to the F.B.I.!" Stewie said as he threaten Brian to pony up the money or he'll e-mail the contents of his hard drive to the F.B.I.
"What are you talking about? There's nothing on there." Brian said, as he know there is nothing bad on this laptop.
As Stewie shows him a nude picture of himself on Brian's computer.
"Stewie, why is it so hard to accept that Peter's your real father?" Brian asked on why doesn't he accepts that Peter is his real father.
"Because he's an idiot. You remember that time he went to The Today Show?" Stewie said as he set up a cutaway about peter going to The Today Show.
Cutaway
As the scene changes to "The Today Show" where Peter is in the audience background.
"Coming up on Today. Tom Cruise has a new movie. We're gonna be talking to him" Katie Couric said.
"Katie" Peter taps the glass.
"Funnyman Al Franken will be stopping by for a visit." Katie Couric said.
"Katie!" Peter calls out to her while he taps the glass.
"And Wolfgang Puck shares his recipe for apple strudel." Katie Couric said.
"Katie!" Peter calls out to her while he taps the glass again.
"So stay tuned because we've got all this and more coming up in the next hour" Katie added as the glass broke after Peter threw something.
"Katie!" Peter shouted.
"What!" Katie shouted.
"Oh, well, never mind" Peter walked away.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join Lois in a pink robe as she enters the bathroom to see a naked peter in the bathtub with bubbles.
"Care to join me, Lois?" Peter asked her if she wants to join him in the tub.
"Ah….Hohoho!" Lois giggle of their sexual fun until she notice that the tub had now room for her.
"Uh, Peter, how am I supposed to…?" Lois asked him on where she supposed to sit.
"Oh, oh, oh. Sorry. Sorry. Where are my manners?" Peter said as he notice what she said and he move his belly to give her some room.
"Oh, What a gentleman." Lois thanks him for being a gentleman as she enter the tub while discarding he robe.
"There ya go." Peter said as he and wife relax until he slam his belly into Lois face.
"Aah!" Lois said in pain, as she was slam into the floret of the tub.
"Oh! Oh, God. You okay, honey?" Peter asked her if she is okay.
"Yeah, I'm all right. Oh, this is nice." Lois said as she relax in the tub with her husband.
Until their kids interrupted them again as they enter the bathroom with Emily trying to get them to stop entering by their shirts.
"Mom, Persephone says Omar Sharif is dead, but I think she's thinkin' of Anthony Quinn." Chris asked lois that Persephone says Omar Sharif is dead, but he think she's thinking of Anthony Quinn.
"Chris, your father and I are in the tub. Moreover, Persephone, you are thinking of Anthony Quinn. Now, get out!" Lois answer Chris question and tell the kids to leave them alone.
"Sorry guys!" Emily apologies as she drags her sibling by their shirts.
"Peter, this is ridiculous. We have no privacy here. We gotta get those kids outta the house once in a while. Shouldn't they be dating?" Lois asked
"Aw, that doesn't solve the problem, Lois. If they start datin', I mean, their rooms are right next to each other. They'll start havin' sex. We'll never get 'em outta the house." Peter said something stupid about their kids date.
"No, no, you idiot. I'm talking about them dating other people. Look, I'm gonna start spending some time with Chris...and I'll show him how to attract a woman." Lois said about them dating other people and she take Chris to teach him to attract a women.
"Yeah, and I'll spend some time with Emily and Persephone. I always want to spend lots of time with her, but I couldn't get the chance. But now I can with her and Persephone...like when we went on our last crusade to find the Holy Grail." Peter said as he take his other daughters since Meg is married and sets up a cutaway about them finding the holy war.
Cutaway
Now we see peter, Emily and Persephone in the cave.
"Choose wisely?" a knight told Peter, Emily and Persephone.
"Uh, I choose this one!" Peter pointed to a device.
"How did you know?" the knight wondered.
"Well, I kinda figured the coffee mug that says "Jesus"!" Peter explained.
"Oh, right. Right." the knight said in awe.
"Pretty obvious." Peter explained to him it was pretty obvious.
Cutaway Ends
Now back to the bathtub with Peter and Lois.
"Great. Let's kiss on it." Lois said yes in agreement with the plan.
"Come here, you." Peter asked her to kiss her.
As Lois soft laughs as she tries to kiss peter while climbing his fat. She grunting with effort to reach his lips but she slam out of the tub and into the floor.
"Oh! You bleeding? Yeah, you're bleeding." Peter asked her if she is bleeding and then he notice her bleeding.
Now we are near the garage outside as both Frank Jr and Stewie are on the tricycles until Frank, Meg and Brian arrive toward them.
"Don't tell me you're going to California on that." Brian asked if they are going to San Francisco in bicycles.
"Bicycling is hard, but it has its benefits." Frank Jr said as he counter argue with the benefits of a bicycle.
"Did you know Lance Armstrong is dating Sheryl Crow?" Stewie asked them about Lance Armstrong is dating Sheryl Crow.
"Yeah I know that, it really speaks to her character that she can get past...the whole "he had cancer" thing...and still find him sexually attractive." Frank said that he explain about her character.
"Really speaks to her character. L- I respect that." Meg said that she respect her.
Then they notice quagmire putting a sign on his Winnebago.
"Hey, Guys, what do you think of my sign?" Quagmire asked them about his sign.
"Quagmire's Cross Country Tour." Brian said as he read the sign.
"Uh, Isn't there an 'O' in Country?" Frank asked him about the 'O' in country.
"No. Look out, California, here I come! He, he, he alright!" Quagmire said as he gets ready to go on his trip.
"California!" Stewie and Frank Jr said loud in shocked as they are going to California.
As he and Frank Jr takes their trikes and throws it inside the Winnebago.
"What are you doing?" Brian asked the babies on what are they doing putting their stuff inside the Winnebago
"Well, you heard Captain Syphilis, we're going to California!" Stewie explain that they are going with quagmire to California.
"Oh, come on. You two cannot go alone with Quagmire." Frank said to the babies that they can't go to California alone with quagmire, since he know what he does for a living.
This cause Meg to think and signs as she has an idea.
"Look, I'll tell you what. If you're serious about this, we'll go with you." Meg said as she tells them that she, Frank and Brian will go with them.
"Although I should probably ask Peter and Lois if it's okay." Brian said to the gang that they need to tell Peter and Lois if its okay to leave.
"Oh, they won't even know we're gone." Stewie said to insure Brian that Peter and Lois will never know they were gone.
As Frank Jr pulls a pad out from Stewie's pocket and pushes a button.
Cutaway
Robot Frank Jr, Robot Brian and Stewie appeared to come out of Stewie's closet
"Damn you, vile woman! Blast! What the deuce?" Robot Stewie said.
"I am a tool. Stewie is much better than me at everything, including arts and crafts and the guitar. I have no friends" Robot Brian added.
"I want big booty bitches!" Robot Frank said.
"I want to love you with said bitches!" Robot Meg said.
"Man, you guys suck as robots!" Robot Frank Jr said to his robot friends.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the family and quagmire inside the Winnebago as it drive out of the neighborhood.
"Glad you guys are joining' me." Quagmire said that he is glad to have frank, his wife Meg, Brian and the babies join him on this trip.
'We need a vacation Glenn, since mom and pops are helping our sibs with their relationship problems." Frank said as he explain going to happened at the house when they are gone.
"Hey, did you guys see Three Men and a Baby?" Stewie asked them about Three Men and a Baby.
"Yeah." Brian reply yes for the group.
"Did you know there's a ghost in there behind the window?" Stewie tells them about the ghost in there behind the window.
"That's an urban legend. It's just a piece of cardboard." Frank tell Stewie that's an urban legend and it's just a piece of cardboard.
"No, it's a ghost. I heard." Stewie argues that there was a ghost in the movie.
"You heard from who? Meg asked him where he heard it.
"From, um...uh...Lois?" Stewie reply Lois.
"Yeah, right." Frank said sarcastically.
"Cleveland?" Stewie reply Cleveland.
"No." Meg said no to that response.
"Death?" Stewie reply death.
"No." Brian said no to that response.
"Greased Up Deaf Guy?" Stewie reply the Greased up Deaf Guy.
"He said that?" Brian, Frank and Meg said together about the rumor.
Meanwhile inside the Winnebago, Quagmire is having sex with an unknown woman in his trailer bedroom, Stewie and Brian play chess.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Quagmire said as his pound some pussy until the woman leg came out of the curtain and hit Stewie.
"Ow! Damn it!" Stewie said in pain.
When Brian's eyes are diverted, Stewie changes the game pieces.
"What are you doing?" Brian asked him on what is he doing
"Your knight was at king's rook six." Stewie explain that Brian's knight was at king's rook six.
"No, my bishop was at king's rook six. My knight was at queen five." Brian argues with that his bishop was at king's rook six and his knight was at queen five.
"No, no, no." Stewie said no three time to counter argue with him.
"Yes. Yes. I was sitting right- I saw right- ."Brian said yes to his agreement was true and he saw it.
"No. In your dreams your knight was at queen five. Yeah..." Stewie said no, Brian was dreaming, and his knight was at queen five.
As Brian and Stewie struggling over a chess piece until Stewie gets agitated and throws the chessboard to a refrigerator.
"Oh! Look at that! Look at that! Now your knight is at refrigerator five." Stewie said as he tell Brian that his knight is at refrigerator five.
"That's real mature." Brian said sarcastically as Stewie is being immature.
"Yeah, well, who comes out a winner? Me." Stewie said to him that he is the winner.
"Aaaahaaa! Griffin once again. Undefeated champion of the world!" Frank Jr said as he imitates audience cheering.
Until Frank smack Stewie in the head for gets agitated and throws the chessboard to a refrigerator.
"You know, San Francisco is a big place. Have you thought about how you're gonna find this guy?" Brian asked Stewie on how they are going to find the person in San Francisco.
"Simple, Brian. Look at this." Stewie said in answer as he take out a picture of the guy with a close up of his pen with the location of where he is.
"My God! This poor fellow had relations with Lois. That's more disgusting than my cousin Quark Griffin." Stewie states that his "father" having relations with Lois is more disgusting than his cousin Quark Griffin in a cutaway.
Cutaway
"I'm watching your every move, Quark, so don't think you can get away with any law-breaking" someone warned.
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, man" Quark said.
"I mean it! You'll have me to deal with."
"Ooh! I'm really scared."
"I could morph into a giant python and eat you alive."
"Hey, here's an idea: Why don't you morph into a guy with something interesting to talk about?"
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the Griffin Parents with John, Tyler, Emily, Chris and Persephone in the living room.
"Kids, your mother and I have decided we're gonna help you four get out in the dating world." Peter explain to the kids that he and Lois decided to help them get out in the dating world.
"That's right. Chris, John and Tyler, I'm gonna teach you guys to be an affable, desirable young men who doesn't smell like the inside of a wool hat." Lois explain to the boys that she will help them be affable, desirable young men who does not smell like the inside of a wool hat.
"Why you gotta break balls?" Chris asked her on why she is break his balls.
"Yeah, why you gotta break my balls too?" Tyler asked her on why she break his ball too.
"Breaking my balls, Mrs. Griffin?" John said it like cartman form South Park.
As the girls turn to their father, Peter Griffin.
"Emily, Persephone, when I get through with you two... Before you know it, you and Persephone will be beating John or guys off with two hands!" Peter explain when he is done with them they will beat off guys with two hands.
This cause the girls to get excited.
"This is gonna be so fun!" Persephone said in excitement.
"Hey! Zip it. Rule number one: No speakee until the man speakee to you." Peter tells the girls rule number 1: No speakee until the man speakee to you.
Now we join with Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Brian and Stewie waiting in the table of the Winnebago as quagmire going with a woman to do his sexual activity.
"I say, are we moving on yet?" Stewie asked quagmire if the gonna move yet.
"Just hang out, little guy. I'll see you in a while." Quagmire said Stewie to calm down and relax as he going to be done soon.
"Oh, very well. I suppose I'll go pump the chemical toilet." Stewie said that he is going to pump the toiler in the Winnebago.
"Apparently you're about to do the same huh Glenn." Frank said about quagmire being sexual with women.
Now we see Frank Jr, Frank, Meg, Brian and Stewie waiting in the driver seats of the Winnebago.
"What the hell is taking him so long? I'm missing precious time with my father." Stewie said to the gang that he is miss missing precious time with his father.
"Which one of these is the horn?" Frank Jr asked his friend about the buttons as he press a button and it locks Meg's hand to the passage seat.
"That's not it." Stewie said as he press another one and it moves Meg's seat toward Frank in the driver seat.
"That's not it either." Frank Jr said as he press another button and it moves Meg's head towards Frank's crotch
"Do something." Meg said muffled in Frank's crotch.
"I'm afraid to press anything else." Frank Jr said in fear as if he press more, he and Stewie might be scared for life.
Now we join Emily, Persephone and peter in the bathroom.
"Okay, Emily, lesson one for attracting a man. I want you to shave my back." Peter explain the lesion, he want them to shave his back.
"Eew! Why would I want to do that?" Emily said, as she is gross out about what he is asking.
"Trust me, Emily. Shave a man's back for him and he'll purr like a walrus.' Peter said as he tells her to shave a man's back for him and he will purr like a walrus.
As Emily starts shaving peter's back, he stars moaning like a walrus.
Now we join Lois and the boys in John and Tyler's room.
All right, guys, now that we've talked about kissing and cuddling...it's time to practice eating out...at a fancy restaurant! Lois said as she show them a table that is from a fancy restaurant.
Now back to the Winnebago with our crew.
"All right, that's it." Frank said as he and Stewie left the van went to the rent room that quagmire was in.
"Listen, you pervert, what the devil is taking so lo- Good lord!" Stewie said in shocked as they discovers Quagmire is chained to a bed naked
"Oh, Frank and Stewie. Thank God. That cleaning lady cleaned me out. She took all my money. Grab those keys over there, will ya?" Quagmire explains that after the woman he hooked up with handcuffed him to the bed and took his cash.
As Frank and Stewie were piss off with quagmire for what he did, they took the keys of the table.
"What, these keys? These keys here? These the ones you want? Hmm? Up yours!" Frank said as he then takes the keys, both he and Stewie goes off without Quagmire.
As we join Frank Jr, Meg and Brian sleep until the Winnebago started moving. They both went to the front to find both Frank and Stewie driving it with no quagmire around.
"What the hell are you doing? Where's Quagmire?" Meg asked her husband about where is quagmire.
"He said to go without him." Stewie answer her sister question.
This made both Frank Jr and Meg look at each with a worried look as they trun to Frank and Stewie.
"We're stealing the Winnebago, aren't we?" Frank Jr said as he realized that they are stealing the Winnebago
"Oh, you can read us like a book, Frank Jr." Frank said as he is joking with his son and he gets him.
As after Frank begins to drive, he puts a John Deere hat with Stewie and he goes through the hand held radio.
"Breaker-breaker, Sidewinder. This is Party Pooper. Don't want to be a ratchet jaw...but looks like we've got a seat cover feeding the bears in a chicken coop, come on." Stewie said as "East Bound and Down", the Smokey and the Bandit theme song, begins playing as Frank drives off.
Now we join Persephone, Emily and peter in the car.
"Dad, why are we just sitting here?' Persephone asked her father on why they are sitting in the car alone.
"Just give me a minute, Persephone." Peter said as he tries something.
"What am I supposed to be learning about dating from...?" Persephone said as until she notice what peter did.
"Ahh." Peter said as he let out a satisfied sigh.
As the girls both cover their noses since peter farted in the car.
"Oh, my God, Dad! You farted!" Emily said outloud.
"That is so nasty!" Persephone said in agreement.
"No! No, no, Persephone, Emily, Girls, this is crucial. All right? The sexiest thing a woman can do for a man is learn to love his gas. Love the gas, girls. Love it!" Peter said as he teaches them about how to treat a man through loving the man's flatulence.
As he farts, again louding and the girls could not take as they tried to escape but peter stops them.
"No, Persephone! No, no! This is why we're here. This is why we're here. This is why we're here." Peter said as he calm them down by hugging them.
Now we join Lois Griffin tries to teach the boys how to talk with girls by making Chris memorize the characters of Sex and the City in John and Tyler's room.
"Chris, you've gotta learn how to talk to girls. So I'll ask you again: What are the names of the women on Sex and the City?" Lois asks Chris who the women are in Sex and the City.
"Uh... Carrie...Miranda, uh...Samantha and...uh, Scrappy-Doo?" Chris lists Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Scrappy-Doo, the nephew of Scooby-Doo.
As John and Tyler sigh since Chris fails to name all of the girls, by saying Scrappy-Doo is one of them.
"Hit him, Endo." Lois orders Endo to give him electroshocks
"Aaah! Aaah! Aah! Bosley? Uh, Tootie? Uh, Sheena Easton? Aaah! Aaah!" Chris said as he guessed Bosley from the campy 1970's action show Charlie's Angels, Tootie from the 1980s sitcom The Facts of Life, and singer Sheena Easton.
"You bitch, take me instead!" Tyler cries as he watches Chris being shocked.
As john turn to the audience with a sad look.
"It's a living!" John said as sad music play with him was done talking.
Now we join Frank and Meg driving the Winnebago as Brian asked them something.
"Think we should go back for Quagmire?" Brian asked them if they should go back for quagmire.
"He'll be all right. He's resourceful." Frank said as he explain that quagmire is resourceful.
Meanwhile in the motel room with quagmire. Where he still chained to the hotel bed (from when the cleaning lady left him there)
"Damn it!" Quagmire said as he tries to move but he was still chain.
Until he turns on a porno movie, so he can arouse himself.
"Yeah! Okay! Yeah! That's It! Again! Yeah! All right!" Quagmire said as he arouse himself to the point where he is able to use his erect penis to call 911.
Now we join the Winnebago as it gets bumping, this cause the couple to run toward the driver seat.
"Are you alright?" Brian asking Stewie if he is okay
"NEVER BETTER! I GOT SOME PEP PILLS FROM A TRUCKER AT THE LAST STOP! KEEPS ME AWAKE!" Stewie said as he explains that he gotten pills from a trucker at the last stop to keep him awake.
This shocked Meg and her son, Frank Jr.
"You took pills?" Meg asked her brother on why he take pills from a stranger.
"WEST COAST TURNAROUNDS! TRUCKER SAID TO ONLY TAKE ONE, BUT I TOOK ALL OF THEM!" Stewie explain that the trucker said to only take one but he took them all.
This cause both Frank and Meg to look at each worried for Stewie's wellbeing
"Look, maybe you should slow down..."Brian asked Stewie to slow down.
"WHY? WE'RE MAKING GOOD TIME!" Stewie shouted at them that they are making good time off the road.
"We're not even on the road." Frank said to Stewie that they are not even on the road.
"HUH?" Stewie asked in confusion on what Frank is saying.
"I said we're not even on the road!" Frank reply to him that they are not on the road.
"DON'T NEED TO BE! COMPASS SAYS WEST, THAT'S WHERE WE'RE HEADED!" Stewie shouted at them that they are going west.
"Stewie, we're in the middle of the desert." Brian explain to Stewie that they are at the desert.
"I KNOW! IMAGINE THE NADS ON THOSE GUYS WHO DID THIS IN A WAGON! PIONEERS, BRIAN! WE SHARE THEIR SPIRIT! MANIFEST DESTINY!" Stewie said, as he was too fully buzzed and awake to talk straight.
"OK, that's it, give me the wheel!" Frank said as he tries to take the wheel.
"GO TO HELL!" Stewie said as they fight for the wheel until they crash the Winnebago.
This cause the airbags to activate and they knocked out Stewie but cause both Frank to crash in camel poop.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" Frank and Frank Jr shouted in anger as the camel poop on them.
This cause the gang to abandon the Winnebago, they walk through the hot desert.
"This is horrible." Frank said as he walk with Frank Jr on his back.
"I'm so thirsty." Meg said as she is sweaty and she losing weight.
"Oh my god, guys, Brian! Do you see what I see?" Stewie said as he and Brian think they see a Dr Pepper Machine.
This cause the Mallque Family to smile and scream joy.
"A Dr. Pepper machine!" Brian said as he too see a Dr Pepper Machine.
"Yes! I can taste it now!" Stewie said as they race to it.
The five rush to the machine laughing, then they get there and their faces fall
"Dammit, it was a mirage." Brian said as they only to find it is a mirage
"Ugh, an RC Cola machine..." Frank said as they notice it was actually an RC Cola Machine.
This cause Stewie gives up.
"Oh, that's it! I give up!" Stewie said as he give up
What do you mean? Frank Jr asked on what he means.
"I never should have attempted this in the first place. It was stupid!" Stewie said that he shouldn't have attempted this in the first place and It was stupid.
"Hey, hey. Come on, now. You've come this far. Haven't you?" Brian said that they came this far now.
"It's no use! Even if my real father is out there, he probably doesn't want to see me." Stewie said as he cries of think that his real father doesn't want to see him.
"You gotta see this through to the end. Maybe this person is your real father. Maybe not. But if you don't find out, you're gonna spend the rest of your life wondering." Frank Jr tells him that he has gone this far and cannot stop now.
"Well, maybe you guys are right." Stewie said, as he feels better after their speech.
"Come on. Brian and I will stick by you the whole way...just like we did when we were all Siamese triples." Frank Jr said as he set up a cutaway about them being Siamese triples.
Cutaway
As we see Frank Jr, Brian and Stewie have their eyes attached to each other.
"Hey, look at that woman, Brian. She has no business in shorts. Hey! You have no business in shorts! Ooh, tortillas! Let's do soft tacos tonight" Stewie suggested.
Cutaway Ends
Now we join the Griffin family at their house in the living room at nighttime. After several "lessons", Peter and Lois send this kids to the mall.
Well, we've taught you well, children. It's in God's hands now. Now you girls go to the mall and find yourself some dates. Peter said as he tell the girls that they have learn enough to get them some dates.
As they hug and the girls left toward the door, leave the boys with Lois.
"John, use what I have taught you to get Persephone to be yours for good. As for Chris and Tyler, Find a girl who smokes. Remember, if she smokes, she pokes." Lois said as she tell john to get Persephone by any means while Chris and Tyler most get girls who smoke.
At the end, they send their kids off to get a boyfriends and girlfriends.
"Bye, kids." Lois said good-bye to their kids as they leave but she then turn to peter with a worried look.
"Do you think they're ready, Peter?" Lois asked him if their kids are ready for dating.
"I don't care. All I care about is that we have our alone time." Peter explain that he doesn't care, all he care about is that they have their alone time.
"Me too. Are we terrible people?" Lois said in agreement, but she is concerned that people will think they are bad parents simply because they wanted their children out of the way.
"Nah, nah. We're not terrible people, Lois. Horses are terrible people." Peter said to reassure her that they are not terrible people, as he show a cutaway about Horses are terrible people.
Cutaway
"Murder! Murder!" an old woman panicked as a horse was looking at her evilly.
Cutaway Ends
As Frank, Meg, Frank Jr, Brian and Stewie arriving in San Francisco by rental car.
"Well, we made it. San Francisco." Frank said as they drive toward the hotel.
"I bet this city's filled with kooky roommates...like the kind you see all living together on TV." Frank Jr said as he is excited for the kooky roommates that living together from TV.
Then it cuts to the ThunderCats cut-away as Lion-O, Cheetara and Snarf are in Cats' Lair.
"Hey, Lion-O, what's going on?" Cheetara asked him on what going on
"I'm not sure, Cheetara. But I've got a bad feeling Mumm-Ra's up to something." Lion-O explain that he has a bad feeling that Mumm-Ra's up to something
"Hmm. I'll be right back. I'm gonna use the john." Cheetara said that she would be right back and she is gonna use the john
"Eye of Thundera, give me sight beyond sight." Lion-O said as he uses his Sword of Omens to spy on Cheetara in the bathroom.
Until he was interrupted by snarf.
"Lion-O, what are you doing? Snarf! Snarf!" Snarf asked him on what's he is doing.
"Oh, hey, uh- Not much, not much." Lion-O said as he denies what he just did while hding the sword behing his back.
Now we join the mallque family enter the hotel with Brian and Stewie.
"You want to get wasted or something?" Brian asking Frank if they can get wasted.
"Let's split up and try to find him." Stewie said as they all spilt up into groups as he and Frank Jr enter an elevator.
But they had to share with one guys in a white suit on his cell phone and he is shouting.
"Yeah, I just checked in. Yeah, I might lose you. I just got in the elevator. Yeah, I'm gonna grab a shower.D- Did you guys eat yet? No- No, I'll- No, I'll just take a cab. You got your car? Do you wanna pick me up? Do you- Do you wanna- Do you wanna pick me up? Do you wanna pick me up? Do you wanna pick me up? Do you wanna pick me up?" the guy in the white said to his friend.
As he was piss off Stewie and Frank Jr, when they reach their floor while whistling living tune and they leave the guy dead with his blood all over the elevator floor.
That's until they spot the man leaving the lobby.
"Father!" Stewie finds him and follows him out of the hotel.
As Stewie and Frank Jr jumps from the upper floor window of the San Francisco Park Barrington Hotel.
Stewie shown as being "played" by a stunt man, who wears a mustache and a bald cap, in a poor disguise of Stewie.
When the "stunt double" lands in the dumpster, a classic "Texas switch" is portrayed, with the real Stewie and Frank Jr emerging from the trash.
That is when several Jawas are seen trying to steal Stewie's rental car.
"Aah! Utedi.! Utedi.!" Stewie speaks Jawanese proclaiming "Utini!"
"Filthy creatures." Frank Jr quoting C-3PO from Star Wars Episode IV, "Filthy creatures."
Then they enter the car, as a downhill car chase ensues.
As Stewie follows the taxi which Stu has taken, it is a parody of the car chase in the 1968 film Bullitt starring Steve McQueen
"Whoa-ohh!" Frank Jr said as Stewie then crashes into a fruit cart and loses his father.
"Damn! Why is there always a fruit stand?" Stewie asked Frank Jr on why is there always a fruit stand!
Meanwhile we see a man listing in his office a report about Powell and Market.
"High-speed pursuit in progress...headed south on Powell toward Market Street." Man voice reported a High-speed pursuit in progress...headed south on Powell toward Market Street.
"You heard him, people. Powell and Market. Move it!' Manger said to other fruit cart to go to Powell and Market.
Now we join ourselves at Ashbury St. and Haight St. with Stewie and Frank jr talking to hippies.
"I feel like I've searched this whole bloody city. I suppose this means I'll never find the answer to who I really am." Stewie tell what happed to two hippies on a bench.
"Oh, well. See you gents later. Free Tibet. No grapes. All that." Frank Jr said good bye to the two hippies on the bench.
"Dude, I could have sworn that Nerf football was just talkin' to me." One of the hippies said about Stewie being a Nerf football.
As Frank Jr and Stewie decides to take the trolley and sits next to a man reading the newspaper.
Are you done with the arts section? Stewie asked the man if he is done with the arts section.
"Of course." Stu said as he is the person that they are looking for.
"Huh!" Frank Jr gasp in shocked
"Huh!" Stewie gasp also in shocked
"Huh!" The man name Stu gasp as well.
"Oh, my God! It you!' Frank Jr said in excitement
"Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear. This is not good. This is very bad. Very bad." Stu says, as this is a reference to the film Rain Man during Raymond's emotional outburst about the hot water in the tub.
"Oh, Daddy, I knew I'd find you! I knew Peter couldn't be my real father!" Stewie said in excitement to finally meet his father.
"No, no, no. You've gotten it all wrong, Stewie." The man reply to him that he got it all wrong.
"Stewie? How do you know his name?" Frank Jr asked the man on how he know stewie's name.
"Because I'm not his father. I'm him, Frank Jr." Adult Stewie said as Both Frank Jr and Stewie are shocked to discover that the man is actually Stewie from 30 years in the future.
As theme from soap playing the scene as the announcer guy take over.
"Could this man rally be Stewie?" Announcer explain what going on.
The scene changes to the guy that Frank Jr and Stewie just kill in the elevator.
"Will the cell phone guy's friend pick him up?" Announcer explain what going on with this guy.
Then the scene changes with the family in the living being happy until they starty beat the crap out of each other.
"Will our younger readers get this soap reference? The answers to these questions and many others will be answered in the next episode." Announcer explain that they will get answers in the next episode.
Chapter end
This is a three part special and I will post the movie after I'm done with these chapters. I hope everyone enjoyed! This is thanking for pen123 and Family Guy Fan writer 15, Thank you all for the cutaway, scenes, favoring, having me on alerts and with that. So enjoy and see you final chapters in season 4.