I'm so happy that you guys are really getting back into this story! Thank you all for the feedback and hope everyone continues enjoying my crazy writing and this world I created within the HG universe! This chapter will have some major adult themes which is why it is M-rated. As we all know the most desirable victors were sold and in The Mermaid of Panem and the sequels I plan on writing will center around that. With that warning, please enjoy and review!

Upon one summer's morning

I carefully did stray

Down by the Walls of Wapping

Where I met a sailor gay

My heart is pierced by Cupid

I disdain all glittering gold

There is nothing can console me

But my jolly sailor bold

The audience claps thunderously, and flowers of all colors are thrown onstage as the song softly comes to an end.

"Wasn't that just amazing!" Caesar walks back over to me. "She's got the beauty and the voice of an angel!"

I force a laugh, falling into the bimbo act for what is probably the hundredth time tonight. "Don't I! I just love to sing and with such a fabulous audience I could do it all night!"

They cheer, begging for another song.

"I know you all want more of our darling, Anwyn, but our time is running out. She needs to get plenty of rest because tomorrow will be the party to end all parties!"

I clap and squeal stupidly. "How exciting! I can't wait for all of you to see my dress, Pixie has gone all out!"

"Darling, you could show up wearing a potato sack and you'd still outshine us all!"

Another fake laugh. God I'm tired.

"Well, tonight has been fun! You've had a fantastic Victory Tour, I don't think there was a single person that wasn't excited to meet you, sadly all good things come to an end. However, you will be back in the Capitol once more for the next Games! How thrilled are you to be mentoring and passing on your wisdom to the next hopeful tributes? You think we can do back to back victors for District 4?"

Yes, Anwyn, how excited are you to be responsible for more deaths?

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"Anwyn?" Caesar looks between me and the audience awkwardly, waiting for my reply.

I let out a breathy laugh, ignoring the darkness as it quickly begins taking over. "Sorry! It's just the thought of having to give my crown to someone else," I pout. "I won't get to be your victor anymore."

The audience let's out a chorus of "aww".

"Isn't she just adorable! Anwyn, you are the Capitol darling! No one is ever going to take the place you have in our hearts."

Did you hear that? They're never, ever going to stop loving you.

"I'll hold you to that."

The flashing lights finally dim, and his closing theme plays, signaling the end of what was a tiring interview. I had told lie after lie and watched the rerun of a Victory Tour that had driven me further into the darkness that was at this moment whispering excitedly into my ear. They had morphed it – what happened in the districts – just like at times my mind morphed my own memories.

They hadn't shown my speech about the sweet boy that was too kind for this world or the killings of more innocent people.

Nothing was real.

"You did so well, my star!" Vivia hugs me once I'm backstage.

"Thank you," I murmur weakly.

My prep team also offers their praise, but I don't hear any of it. All I can hear are the voices of the fallen. They mock me. They try to break me more. It gets harder and harder to resist them and to just let myself fall apart completely.

"Oh, Finnick! You're so bad!" a giggle echoes above the voices.

I turn away from Afton who was fixing my hair and towards the obnoxious sounds, finding myself in front of a scene that only helped the darkness latch onto me more. Finnick was wrapped around a woman, nipping at her neck while she had her hand improperly close to his groin.

"It's not real," Pixie startles me as she whispers in my ear.

Still I couldn't look away from the dark-haired woman that had a resemblance to me as she bit his bottom lip, taking it between her green lips.

"Anwyn," Pixie turns me away from them. "You know the truth."

I nod silently.

Her gaze is one of pity that quickly hardens. "They're coming over here.''

Oh, no. Please no.

"Anwyn Cresta!" the woman squeals just as obnoxiously as she'd laughed.

I take a deep breath before turning around, forcing the same smile I had all night back onto my face. Once again, I'm thankful for the contacts that have now become a part of me because without them everyone would surely see my horror. She didn't just resemble me; the woman had disfigured her face to look exactly like me. From her unnatural blue and green eyes that were too wide and made her look like she couldn't blink to her oversized lips, it was all horrific.

She's a mutt.

"Anwyn," Finnick also forced a smile – that Capitol smile I didn't like. "I wanted to introduce you to Clio Autry, she was one of your sponsors in the Games."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I try to not stare directly at her damaged face. "Thank you for your sponsorship."

"Money well spent, Mermaid! I absolutely adore you, but I am a bit jealous of you…"

"Are you?"

She nods repeatedly making one of her dark extensions fall onto the floor. Somewhere behind me, Afton lets out a sound of pure distaste.

"You got to smooch all those handsome boys in your Games! You are so lucky! Who was the better kisser?" she giggles.

I'm going to kill her. I'm going to take one of the jeweled pins from my hair and run it through her throat.

"Not as good as Finnick from what I could tell. You looked ready to devour him," I drawl, trying and hopefully succeeding to appear unaffected by her words.

Another obnoxious giggle falls from her puffy lips. "Can you blame me? He's absolutely scrumptious!"

"I'll take your word for it."

One pin. Just one pin and she would be choking on her own blood.

"You're also scrumptious," she runs a talon-like nail down my bare arm.

Maybe I could use her own nail to kill her.

"So I've been told," I laugh falsely. "And you're something to look at too. I can't take my eyes off of you."

"Really! Oh, I just wanted to be like you! I had everything done – sculpted my cheekbones, had my nose broken and redone, injected my lips, and I had my eyes tinted! I just need my breasts to be as perky as yours! I have an appointment to get them done next week."

"You'll practically be twins," Afton snorts.

Pixie presses her lips together to keep from laughing, but the woman is absolutely oblivious or just plain stupid to not hear the sarcasm in his words.

"You think so! Finnick did you hear that? Me and Anwyn are going to be twinsies!" she throws her arms around his neck.

He grins down at her. "You're one surgery away from being more irresistible than you already are, my sugarplum."

Sugarplum? I mentally gag at the nickname.

Clio eats up his false praise, leaning up to kiss him with an exaggerated passion and murmuring to him in a childish coo that was anything but attractive.

"Finnick, unless you'd like to have another one of your exploits on camera I suggest you take Clio and yourself somewhere more private," an all too familiar voice says, sending an unpleasant shiver down my spine.

"Seneca!" Clio happily greets the Head Gamemaker as he walks over. "How are you? Besides handsome as ever."

My brow arches at how easily the woman had let go of Finnick and gone over to Seneca, running her talons over his sculpted beard. Around us I notice that some of the show's producers are also sending flirtations looks towards the man. Vivia had mentioned how desirable of a match he was, rich and handsome, the Capitol's most eligible bachelor. Well, hopefully Clio could win his favor and keep herself and him occupied instead of placing their attention on Finnick and I.

But I have no such luck.

Seneca practically slaps her hand away, his blue eyes annoyed before they fall on me. "Go play with your pet, Clio. You don't want to waste your time with Finnick – we all know that by midnight he'll be jumping into another bed."

I could kill them both. I could kill Clio for forcing Finnick to be with her and Seneca for taunting him.

Finnick's expression slips and for a second he looks like the career he once was, a humorless laugh escaping him before the façade is back in place just as quickly as it'd gone. The Gamemaker is watching him with amusement, knowing well that nothing could be done against him. Finnick had no power. He couldn't do more than laugh it off.

"You sound jealous Seneca," Finnick says flirtatiously, trying to keep from snapping. "If you'd like I could keep you company sometime during my busy schedule."

Seneca snorts. "I have better taste than that."

"Is that so?"

"Mmhm," Seneca turns his attention back to me. "Caesar is absolutely right. You, Anwyn, are a vision as always. Congratulations on your Victory Tour. It was entertaining from beginning to end."

Sure it was.

"I suppose I have you to thank for that," I reply nonchalantly. "You seem to be very talented at editing."

I know it was idiotic of me to say such things, but I was too tired to care. Too tired of pretending in front of a man that knew already I wasn't on President Snow's favorite list of people.

He chuckles just like he did the last time we'd spoken about the Games. "You keep me on my toes. I don't think I'll have a single boring day with you as victor."

"I'm glad you find me amusing."

"Among other things."

His purr makes me want to throw up all over his black and red suit. Maybe I should just to see the face he'd make.

"My star," Vivia walks back from where she'd been speaking to some gold-tinted man. "We should go back to the hotel. You have an early morning with the team and then the party will be all night."

Finally.

I turn to Vivia with a smile, grateful that she had interrupted. "Right. We should get going."

"Actually, I thought that perhaps we could enjoy one of the events going on tonight in your honor," Seneca cuts in. "I doubt your team will need much time to get you ready for tomorrow anyway, not as beautiful as you are."

"It's been a busy week," Finnick says, no longer interested in Clio's fish lips. "Anwyn needs her rest."

Seneca arches his dark brow. "You do realize she isn't your tribute anymore right? She's a victor now, which means she can stay up past her bedtime."

"And if she does that she'll be too tired. No one needs a victor with bags under her eyes and moody."

I look between the two men uncomfortably, deciding it was best to break them apart before Finnick did something we'd regret. "I am tired. Even someone as beautiful as me needs her beauty sleep," I force out a laugh that's pathetic even to my ears.

They don't stop glaring at one another, ignoring everyone and everything around them. It wouldn't end well. Not for Finnick. If he so much as threw a punch…I couldn't imagine what the consequences would be. And to top it all off, Clio was feeling left out with her supposed date more interested in how I would be spending the night.

Finnick was falling out of the act.

"Anwyn," Pixie luckily steps in to save us all. "I need to fit you one last time for the gown. We don't need any last-minute issues with it."

Seneca laughs. "What a strict team you have, Miss Cresta. They all seem so intent on keeping us apart…"

"As Finnick said, it has been a busy week and tomorrow will only be busier. I sincerely apologize but it seems I have to decline your invitation, Mr. Crane –"

"Seneca," he corrects.

I smile falsely. "Enjoy your night, Mr. Crane."

Just as I was about to take Pixie's hand and let her lead me away, Seneca takes mine in a tight grip. From the corner of my eye I can see Finnick grow tense, his face blazing with anger at hearing my pained sound when Gloss's bracelet digs into my wrist.

"You'll save me a dance won't you, Mermaid?"

I swallow nervously, looking up from my wrist and up at his cold blue eyes that at this second remind me so much of the beast.

You know I really did love you Anwyn, but in the end I get the last laugh.

I had flirted with the beast. I had obtained his desire. His protection. When it was all over and he'd discovered the lie, the boy who loved me had no head and neither did I.

"Certainly," I nod.

He laughs almost darkly. "Good. Something tells me we're going to get to know each other much better then."

Again I nod.

"Sweet dreams, Anwyn," he places a kiss on my hand.

"Finnick, let's go already! I have a jacuzzi that needs you in it and a mermaid tail that you're going to have to strip me out of…"

Look at that, the voices coo. He's not free and soon neither will you, Annie. How do you think this love story will end?

"My star, the car is here!" Vivia waves me towards the rest of our group.

Even as he lets go of my hand I can still feel his touch on me, a possessiveness that I already knew once before. I see him staring at Finnick as I leave the studio, his expression amused and mocking.

Seneca Crane…For the next four years, Seneca would be my own personal form of torture. I would be forced to be with the monster that took everything from me whenever he desired, until the day the Girl on Fire became his destruction.

She would free me from him.

…

…

…

I couldn't sleep once we were back at the Victors' Hotel, especially not when Finnick was with Clio and her mermaid tail doing things that he didn't want to do. The thought makes me groan into my pillow loudly and I hit it repeatedly, imagining it were her disfigured face that I was beating.

With another frustrated groan, I throw the covers off of me and quietly make my way into the dining room. Much like the Training Center, the Victors' Hotel was extravagant with its crystal chandeliers, marble floors, and colorful furnishings. It was where all visiting victors stayed when they weren't mentoring for the Games and it could only be accessed with an authorization code, so that we weren't disturbed.

Or as Vivia had said, so that the multitude of fans didn't break in again to get a glimpse of Finnick showering.

The only difference between the two building was that I could actually come and go from this one. Demetria and Luciana had gone on and on about the various boutiques I could visit, including Pixie's while Afton mentioned that he enjoyed having tea at some little restaurant only a block away. The girls had laughed when I'd asked if it was allowed for me to just walk around the Capitol.

You're a victor now, Anwyn! Of course you can do a bit of shopping or go mingle at a bar!

Mingle with the Capitol citizens, now that was something I didn't want to do at all. If it were up to me and without doubt Finnick I would be back home away from all these people that looked at me like a fish ready to be served on a silver platter.

I pour myself a glass of water and sit on the window seat, wrapping my shawl around me as I look out into the bright city lights. They were all celebrating. Enjoying their lavish parties while everyone else suffered around them. I don't know how I was going to endure tomorrow's – well tonight's now actually – event at the Presidential Mansion.

How many more times could I fake a smile? A laugh?

Try harder, Miss Cresta. We are all watching you.

I lean my head against the cool glass at the memory of President Snow's note. He had warned me, Finnick had warned me, even Vivia had warned me, and still I'd gone and made things worse for myself. The riot in District 7 and the citizens of 6 and 3 shouting for me to say what I really felt – President Snow knew all I had caused.

It had all been edited out, but he knew.

What would happen to me when the tour was over? Would I ever get off the train? Would the Capitol want me here whenever they wished? Mags had told me that Finnick was more often than not forced to be in the Capitol, but with him being my mentor he was allowed to remain in 4 to prepare for the tour. It was a small break for him, she'd smiled sadly.

One that ended the second we arrived here.

Sighing, I turn from the window and go back to my room. The voices are softly calling to me, trying to play their cruel games with my mind and without Finnick to pull me from their dark grasps, I'm forced to do it on my own.

I grab the journal that I'd taken from Finnick following the Games and open it to a blank page near the back. I would have to get a new one, there weren't many pages left because of all I had written these past months. When I returned home, I make a mental note.

With a shaky hand I start to jot down like always what was real and what wasn't. I write about Caesar's interview – what he'd asked and how I'd answered. About the mutts the wanted to look like me. About the beast and Seneca Crane having the same look in their eyes. About the false sense of liberty the Victors' Hotel gave when in fact it was just like the Training Center, a gilded cage to keep us under their watch.

I write every single detail that I can remember, fighting off the voices until I have nothing more to add to the journal.

The sun is almost up when I place the journal back in the nightstand's drawer, the orange hues dancing through the half open curtains. My prep team would be up in a couple hours and I don't doubt their displeasure at my lack of sleep yet again. This entire tour had ended up with Demetria having to use more concealer than she lugged around in her multiple cosmetic cases, but she never complained, and I loved her for it.

Would Finnick be back soon I wonder? He'd been gone all day yesterday and the only chance I'd gotten to see him was when Clio was wrapped around him like seaweed as she tried sucking his face off. Was he still with her? Was he still pretending to enjoy her touch and lavishing her with his?

I throw myself back against the pillows with a groan as I imagine them in bed, only to wince at having hit something hard. "Ow," I rub the back of my head. Rolling onto my stomach I find a silver remote that I'd seen before on the train and my room back in the Training Center.

Moving off the bed, I walk over to the window and draw the curtains back before sliding my finger over the thin remote. In an instant the night sky transforms into a desert. I do it again and the desert is of the Capitol's main square. Again I try and this time it's the ocean that stares back at me. The waves break over the rocky cliffs under a pink sky. It's beautiful. But nothing can change what else I see in that image – a flood, death, a victory that holds no triumph.

I slide my finger over the remote again as the ocean begins to morph into the arena. The image is now one that I'm unable to look away from. In front of me are trees, beautiful, majestic trees. I step closer to them and let out the breath I'd been unconsciously holding.

"I miss you," I whisper.

With my gaze still fixed on the trees, I give into the memories that for once return unmorphed. I see him. I see his sweet smile. Hear his soft laugh. His voice. I remember him teaching me to climb a tree. His teasing when it took me a while to learn.

"I miss you a lot," a tear rolls down my cheek.

Suddenly a muffled crash comes from the room next to mine – Finnick's room. I wipe my tear away and turn off the screen, throwing the remote somewhere on the bed as I go investigate what I'd heard. No one else comes out of their room, it's only me.

"Finnick?" I softly call through the door.

There's no reply and for a second I think that perhaps it had just been my mind playing another one of its tricks, but then I hear it again. Another loud crash and the sound of muffled sobs that have me rushing into the room.

The shower is running and behind the ajar door to the bathroom comes the distinct sound of crying. I don't knock. I've seen him plenty of times in the shower, but what was rare for me to see was the broken boy that Finnick hid behind his charm. Even with me, Finnick tried pretending that he was strong and had no demons haunting him. I knew the truth though. It was in front of me right now.

He was still dressed in his dark blue suit of last night, sitting under the steady stream of water with his face pressed against his knees as he rocked himself back and forth. An unbearable amount of steam fills the room and clings to my skin. Like always the sound of the water makes me tremble, but I need to get to him. I need to help him just as he always helps me.

I can't leave him alone. Not now. Not ever.

"Finnick," I touch his wet hair, startling him.

When he looks up at me, his expression is heartbreaking. My lost and broken boy stares back at me with frightened, teary eyes.

"Annie…" he wipes at his face, trying to hide his pain from me as if his body weren't shaking with the power of his sobs. As if he weren't sitting on the shower floor still completely dressed, letting boiling water fall on him.

"You're bleeding," I take his right hand in mine, looking at the broken skin of his knuckles.

"I'm fine," he sobs. "I'm fine. Just knocked into something."

My eyebrows knit together, realizing that the crash I had heard before was of Finnick hitting something. "Tell me," I murmur, my gaze moving back to him and away from his bloodied knuckles.

He shakes his head as another sob rakes through him. "I'm fine."

"Finnick –"

"I'm fine. Please. I'm fine."

I don't push him further. Since the Games, Finnick has been supportive and willing to understand when I just needed to be left alone. I had to do the same for him. He would tell me when he was willing to do so.

Silently I reach my hand up to the panel on the shower wall, pressing one of the many buttons to bring the water's temperature down to something more bearable. Finnick doesn't seem to care, his gaze unfocused as he stares at the glass wall in front of him.

"Let me bathe you," I stroke his cheek. "Come on."

He turns his gaze to me with what looks to be with great effort and just stares as if not able to understand what I was asking for. After a prolonged moment he nods, standing up slowly on unsteady legs. I help him undress and with each article of clothing that I take off I see the scratches and bruises that mar his golden skin.

Some people like it rough, he had told me.

I wanted to kill her. I wanted to scratch out her fake eyes and tear her skin apart like she had damaged his. I wanted Clio dead. I wanted every one of them dead for hurting him.

Once he was standing naked under the warm water, I take off my soaked nightgown and panties, tossing them aside with his pile of clothes. He's leaning his head against the marble wall when I look back over to him, his eyes still unfocused as he relives whatever had happened tonight with that monster.

Taking a calming breath, I close the distance between us and stand under the showerhead, ignoring my fear and instead focusing solely on Finnick. I couldn't think about drowning in the shower, not right now. I needed to keep calm for him. I couldn't break too. Now wasn't the time for me to do so. I needed to pull him out of his own darkness.

I place my hand under the metal dispenser, a blue gel that smells of ocean breeze falling on my palm. Standing on my toes to reach his height, I gently begin massaging it into his hair. His eyes close and after I'm finished washing his hair I think he's fallen asleep until he quietly murmurs to me.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" I ask as I hold one of the small towelettes under the dispenser, watching white foam fall in a soft pile.

"You're trembling."

I was trembling. I was trembling in absolute fear of drowning and it was taking every ounce of strength I had to not fall onto the floor myself. I would not break. I would not. Not now. The darkness couldn't take me away from him right now.

"I'm sorry," he says again.

Clearing my head with a shake, I run the towelette over his chest. "It's not important. I'll be okay."

He takes my hand in his and stops what I was doing. "You love me…"

It's not a question. Finnick is reminding himself of my love for him as I often remind myself of what was real and what wasn't. It makes my heart break even more to know that somewhere deep inside of him he still had doubt of having someone that loved him. Whatever Clio had done to him had led Finnick to have such doubts.

"You are pretty much the only thing that makes me want to get up in the morning," I look up at him. "I'm afraid of being in this shower. I'm afraid that I'll drown. I'm afraid to open my eyes every time I fall asleep and be back in the arena. But I love you. I love you so much that nothing else matters. I love you and I won't ever leave you alone."

His head falls against mine and we stand in silence under the cascading fall of water for what feels like hours but is probably no more than a few minutes. Kissing his shoulder, I wet the towelette again and go back to bathing him, careful to not hurt his already scratched back and bruised ribs.

They're superficial, the injuries, to anyone but me. Every little scratch and blossoming bruise ran deeper until they became a part of him and forged into the pain he tucked away behind his smiles. More would come, never allowing the others to heal. And Finnick would be forced to just keep playing his part.

I finish bathing him and then quickly work on myself before reaching for the panel again, starting up the drying sequence. He's silent the entire time, simply watching and waiting for whatever came next. Once we're both dried I take his hand and lead him out of the shower and back into the bedroom, ignoring the broken mirror we pass before sitting him down on the edge of the bed.

"I'm going to get us clothes," I head over to his closet and program it for something comfortable to wear, both for him and for me.

I walk back to him – now dressed in a soft black sweater that falls a little above my knees, the sleeves rolled up to my elbows – and offer him a pair of silk blue pajama bottoms, which he takes silently. As he dresses I head back into the bathroom, searching for salve or something to help heal the scratches.

Finnick is still sitting on the edge of the bed when I walk out carrying a glass jar filled with some green ointment inside of it. There had been more than a few of these little jars in the cabinet where I'd found it. The reason for it obvious and making me want to break something, preferably Clio's already disfigured face.

Kneeling in front of him I take his injured hand in mine and apply a generous amount of ointment to his bruised knuckles. "I'll have an Avox clean up the glass later," I murmur softly, glancing up at him. "Can you lie down on your stomach? I need to put some of this on your back."

"Mmhm."

I stare at his back. At the long, angry red marks left behind by her talons. Blinking away the angry tears, I quietly apply the ointment as gently as possible. He tenses for a second before letting out a relieved sigh as his skin begins to cool. With a tender kiss on his shoulder I lay on my side next to him and run my fingers through his bronze hair.

The silence remains as it had in the shower. We just lay there gazing at each other, his eyes tired and still conveying his emotional pain. I try to make him smile, kissing his nose first and then every inch of his handsome face until finally his lips curve up slightly.

"Sometimes I think they reaped you because they knew how much I would love you," he mumbles, moving his hand to caress the side of my face. "How easy it would be to break me with you."

I glance down at the bed, not knowing what to say.

"She made me call her by your name."

I look up then, my eyes wide with horror.

"I tried to say no. To divert her attention," he chokes out. "But she was getting annoyed and then she asked me if I loved you. If she should talk to Snow about it…So I had to. I had to be with her and do disgusting things with her while I said your name. While she kept trying to talk like you and saying we were making love. I feel so filthy."

"You're not filthy," I shake my head. "Not to me. She's a monster. They all are. They're monsters for hurting you like this. They're the filthy ones. Not Finnick Odair. Not the man that I love with all my heart. I know that my mind isn't okay, but if there's one thing that I'm sure of, it's that my love for you is the one thing that can't be changed. It's real. Not even the voices can make me see you differently."

Tears roll down his face. "I'm scared, Annie. I'm scared that if we're ever together I won't be able to know the difference. I'm scared that I'll see them."

"You love me, real or not real?" I ask him firmly.

"What?"

"Real or not real?" I press.

"Real."

"You hate my touch, real or not real?"

He brows furrow. "Not real. I…I feel safe when you touch me."

"When I kiss you all you see is them, real or not real?"

"Not real. You're all I can see. You're all I feel."

I kiss him softly. "They're evil and you're good, real or not real?"

He takes a moment to respond. "Real," he whispers.

I kiss him again. "When we make love…when we're both ready…it won't be like it is with them, I know it won't be. Our love is pure and good. They can't touch it. They can't take it away from us."

"They can't," he agrees.

"You're mine and I'm yours," I carefully draw him into my arms, resting my head against his own. "Try to get some sleep, it's still early."

"I don't think I can."

"I could sing for you…"

He nods against my breast.

No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you

He wraps his arm around my waist, holding me tightly to him.

Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you

I run my fingers through his hair, trying to lull him to sleep.

Say you love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

His eyes begin to close, his eyelashes wet from his tears.

Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

I'm taken back to the first time I sang to him. When I was a tribute. When I thought I knew who he was, only to later find out the horrific truth.

All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

Share each day with me, each night, each morning
Say you love me, you know I do

Love me, that's all I ask of you

He finally gives into his exhaustion and succumbs to slumber, his face now more at peace as he lays in my arms. My tears fall then. I silently cry for my broken boy that didn't deserve any of this. Didn't deserve to be torn apart again and again and have to put himself back together as of nothing had happened.

"I'll free you," I whisper against his head. "Somehow I'll free you. I promise you, my love."

I would set him free.

One way or another I would set him free.

It was a promise to myself and to him, one that I would see through.

When the time came I would free him from the Capitol, even if it meant I got left behind.

A little over an hour passes when I start to hear the telltale sounds of people waking up. While Vivia and Pixie were well aware of my relationship with Finnick and I think Afton was starting to realize it, Demetria and Luciana were still unaware. So it was best for neither of them to find me out of my room and in here. As much as I'd come to adore them, they could slip and tell someone that shouldn't know what was happening.

I try to move off the bed but immediately Finnick lets out a whimper, his eyes scrunched up tight as his face contorts in anguish.

"Shh," I touch his shoulder. "It's okay. I'm here. Shh."

My voice soothes him and soon he's back in a peaceful sleep, but I can't stay here. The Avoxes were probably already setting up for breakfast and someone was bound to go knocking on my door. I didn't want him to wake up though, not after just an hour of sleep…I bite my lip, playing with the pearl on my necklace as I look around for something that would keep him calm.

Glancing down to my hand, I quickly make up my mind and take off the necklace. I didn't know if it would work, but still I place it in his hand and to my relief he grasps it as I pull away from him. Finnick had not long ago told me that the necklace carried my scent and maybe with it, he'd at least get another hour in bed.

I quickly grab my nightgown and panties from the bathroom, bundling them up in my arms. He has arms wrapped around the pillow that I had been laying on when I come back out, his hand holding my necklace tightly. It's a sweet imagine. One that breaks my heart even more knowing what it had taken me to calm him.

Spotting one of his journals on a curved side table next to where the broken glass lay, I tear out a page and write him a small note.

I love you.

Placing it on the bed and with a kiss on his cheek, I sneak out of the bedroom only to run into Afton, who stares at me with an arched brow and an amused smile.

"Good morning," he greets.

"Morning, Afton."

His gold eyes take in the clothes in my arms and then at my current state of dress. "Nice sweater. A bit big for you though…"

"I had a bit of an accident," I lie weakly.

He snorts, lifting a hand to fix one of my curls. "My room is next to Finnick's. I'll have one of the Avoxes clean whatever he broke and fix him up something calming, perhaps tea. It's not much, but I find it helpful at times."

"Thank you," I say, moving towards my bedroom door when a thought comes to mind. "Do you know?"

He smiles sadly. "He was my birthday present two years ago. A friend thought I would enjoy his company."

"Did you? Enjoy his company?"

I'm not sure if I really wanted to know the answer. To find out that Afton, who I thought was my friend, had hurt the man I loved. Finnick had never talked about it – about also being sold to men – and I never pushed him because a part of me knows deep down that his first had been with a man. It's why he never wanted to talk about it.

But then Finnick had never acted strangely around Afton…I'd seen them laugh and tease one another…

"I gave him the night off," Afton says. "We became friends and the friend that thought I would enjoy to partake in something so disgusting is no longer any friend of mine."

I hug him, startling him for a second before he returns the hug. "Thank you, Afton."

"He deserves to be happy," he murmurs. "You both do."

…

…

…

Following breakfast the entire day consists of what Luciana calls "pampering the mermaid". I'm lathered in oils and lotions, my hair covered in some berry smelling foam that leaves it soft and shiny, and my nails are polished and repainted in a light pink. On the bed is my dress for tonight and next to it is Pixie who watches the team do their work, ever so often giving out an order.

I hadn't seen Finnick yet. He had thankfully slept in after I'd left him this morning, but I had heard Vivia greeting him when Demetria had finished with me in the bathroom. Hopefully she was keeping him company. I didn't want him left alone with his thoughts of self-hatred and the memories of what happened with that demon last night.

"You are all everyone is going to talk about," Demetria says as she blends out my eyeshadow, stepping a bit back to make sure it's perfect. "If I didn't love you so much I'd be jealous that I barely have to put any makeup on you…"

"None of that. You're beautiful," I tell her with a pointed look.

She blows me a kiss. "You're a sweetheart. I thank all the stars that I got to be part of your prep team and not Cashmere or someone like that. Although I wouldn't haven't minded Gloss…"

I laugh. "You'd leave me for Gloss?"

"She'd leave us all for Gloss," Pixie says.

"You're in trouble," Luciana giggles, handing Demetria the rosy lipstick she'd pointed at.

"I love you ladies more than anything, but I'd leave for Gloss too."

Pixie throws a pillow at Afton, making us all laugh.

"Don't let Finnick hear that," I say.

"Don't let Finnick hear what?"

We all turn to the door where said victor was currently closing behind him, ignoring the shrieks from my prep team.

"Finnick Odair, get out!" Luciana hides me from his view. "She's not ready yet!"

"But I've been waiting for hours," he pouts. "I'm bored!"

I smile, happy to hear him at least somewhat back to his playful self. His real self, not the Capitol self.

"Hello," he grins around Luciana at me.

"Hello, Finnick."

"So what can't we let Finnick hear?" he asks.

"That you never knock," Pixie quips.

"If I knock I won't be able to get a glimpse of the goods."

"Remember to start locking the door again," Afton chuckles as he begins brushing my hair, Demetria all done with my makeup.

"Like that'll keep me away," he lays down on the bed lazily, throwing a sugar cube into his mouth.

"Watch the dress," Pixie slaps his leg.

He grins at her. "So what are we ladies gossiping about? Are we talking boys? Are we talking about how handsome I am?"

"More like how handsome Gloss is," Afton says.

Finnick gasps. "Excuse me!"

"Afton and Demetria want to leave me for him," I tell him.

"You would be willing to leave us for Rubidium of all people?"

Afton uncoils my curls into gentle waves, throwing Finnick an amused smile. "Like I said before, I love you all but Gloss needs someone to fix that luscious blond hair of his and I will forget your names. District 1 here I come!"

"Not me!" Luciana hugs me. "I love Anwyn too much to leave her, even for Gloss!"

"But you would leave me?" Finnick pouts.

"Sweetie, we don't style you," Demetria takes a sugar cube from him, popping it in her mouth and gagging at the taste. "Why do you like these? Eat a carrot or something."

He wrinkles his nose adorably. "Nope, I'll stick with these. And if you leave Anwyn, you won't get to see all this beauty every day," he runs a hand down his chest.

"Oh no, how will we ever go on?" Afton fixes my hair over my shoulder. "Pixie, on the shoulder or thrown back."

"Shoulder."

"I'm deeply offended that it's easy for you all to leave me for the devil twins," Finnick pouts dramatically, hugging one of my pillows to him. "He's not even that good looking."

"Don't you have your own prep team to annoy, Finnick?" Pixie laughs, helping me off the stool and taking the dress off the rack where she'd placed it.

"They're not as fun."

"So you rather harass us?" Demetria asks as she helps Afton clean up.

"Technically, I just like coming in here to see Anwyn but annoying all of you is a bonus."

"Behave," I giggle, following Pixie into the bathroom.

"I always behave!" he snickers. "Hey, wait up! I want to help dress her!"

Pixie rolls her eyes in amusement as she closes the door behind us. "You've picked a charming man, Anwyn Cresta."

I laugh, taking off my silk robe. "He's an angel."

"If you say so," she snorts. "Let's get you in this dress, shall we?"

I nod excitedly, listening to Finnick joke with Afton and the girls in the bedroom as Pixie helps me into my dress and heels. Just as it had in my first two fittings the dress falls against my body beautifully, the corset hugging my upper body and the tulle sleeves and skirt soft against my skin.

"Beautiful," Pixie steps back with a smile.

"All thanks to you," I look at my reflection, my hand running over the beaded corset.

"I only design the clothes, Anwyn. You turn them into a work of art."

Luciana squeals the moment I walk out of the bathroom. "Just look at you, Anwyn! You look so beautiful!"

Afton and Demetria nod in agreement, letting out soft murmurs of praise and awe. As for Finnick…I sigh inwardly. He's smiling as the team tells me how beautiful I looked, but his eyes were on my breasts. On the way the corset pushed them up. On how my shoulders were left naked. It wasn't that I hadn't worn something similar back when I had my first interview with Caesar or when I was crowned, but now as a victor…I rather not think about it.

"We should all get dressed too," Pixie tells the others. "We don't need Vivia –"

"Are we ready yet, my lovelies? We cannot be late! This is the party of the year," Vivia knocks on the door repeatedly.

Pixie blows her fringe out of her eyes. "We don't need her knocking the door down. Come on everyone let's get ready!"

"You think if we're fast enough we can leave her behind?" Afton jokes with Demetria and Luciana.

When Finnick doesn't move off my bed to follow, Pixie glances back at him. "Don't you dare ruin the dress, Odair! I see a single tear on it, and I'll make you sew her next wardrobe all by yourself."

Finnick throws her a teasing grin. "I'll make sure to take it off gently."

I blush, biting my lip as Pixie give us both an amused look before leaving us alone. He gets up from the bed then, walking over to me with my favorite smile adorning his handsome face. I watch as he takes out my necklace from the inside of his blazer, holding it up to me.

"I love you more," he says, replying to the note I'd left him as he caressed my cheek.

I lean into his touch, nuzzling his hand. "Are you –"

"I'm fine," he reassures me. "Are you going to wear your necklace?"

I want to ask him more. To make sure that he hadn't hurt himself again or had a nightmare because I'd left him, but his gaze asks me not to. This morning he had opened up to me more than ever and I couldn't push him further. He would tell me what he wanted me to know on his own terms.

"Pixie said that I could."

"Let me help you then. Turn around for me," he undoes the clasp.

I do as he asks, watching him through the vanity's mirror. The necklace dangles in front of me before it's pulled back slightly and the pearl falls in place as it always did. Finnick doesn't move away from me, instead he wraps his arms around my waist and places a kiss below my ear.

"Perfection," he murmurs, his eyes finding mine in our reflection.

I lean my head back against his shoulder, enjoying his touch, and gazing at the perfect image that we made.

"Annie?"

"Hmm?"

He doesn't reply right away, his hesitation making me nervous.

"What is it?" I turn around to face him.

"The party…"

"What about it?"

"When we're at the party, I want you to stay close by. Don't let anyone take you anywhere and don't wander off, okay? If I'm not with you, please stay with Pixie or Afton."

"Finnick?"

His hands grip my arms tightly. "Anwyn, please do as I say. Do not trust anyone in that mansion."

"Okay," I breathe out.

Finnick nods, his hands shaking against me.

"Nothing is going to happen, Finnick," I kiss him softly, my heels making it easier for me to reach his height. "The night will be over before we know it."

It wouldn't be.

Tonight would be the longest night of my life.

Morning would be even worse.

…

…

…

I hate it.

I hate every single thing about the party at the Presidential Mansion.

I hate the dancing water show.

I hate the woman dressed as mermaids swimming in the aquariums.

I hate that more than half of the guests are dressed in some way too look like me.

I hate that in some cases, the guests look almost like me. A sick, deformed version of me.

I hate that it all seems to be a way to torture me. To drive me further into the darkness. Into my madness. This was no party. Everything here represented what the Capitol wanted me to remember. I had survived the Games, but I was not free. I would never stop reliving what I had gone through.

The dancing water show was loud, immensely so. It was like dam that had collapsed in the arena, the water at first dancing softly and only in small amounts. But then it comes to life, the dancing getting higher and higher, moving side to side with such force, and all I wanted to do was cover my ears. Wield the memories away.

As for the mermaids…I saw them for what they really were. They were me. Beautiful and trapped behind the glass as the Capitol citizens watched them with awe and desire. It reminded me of my nightmares. Of the nights that I would wake up screaming after my mind brought me back to arena where this time there was no escape. I would collide with a glass wall and as the mutts launched themselves at me, the Capitol would just watch and laugh.

I hated it.

"She's so beautiful."

"Have you seen anyone like her?"

"Look at her dress."

"I rather see her without it."

Their voices all echo in my head, mixing with the ones that already haunt me at every minute of the day. I can do nothing more than smile and pretend to enjoy their attention as Vivia leads our group through the crowd. Some of them reach out to touch me or my dress while others clap, raising their drinks in welcome.

I feel like I'm drowning again.

I feel like I can't breathe with them surrounding me, pushing to get my attention.

"This way, my star," Vivia smiles over her shoulder, motioning me forward with a curl of her fingers.

Breathe. Just breathe. One breath. Two breaths. Just breathe. Do. Not. Break. Not here, Anwyn.

Finnick is behind me.

He guards me at a safe distance, allowing Afton to be the one who's arm I lace my own through for now. Last night, Finnick had fallen out of the act. The demon had questioned his feelings for me and that had led him to fear what could happen here. Fear that they could hurt me in some way if they knew his love belonged to me.

But behind me or next to me, Finnick could not keep the mutts away.

We are corned by them at the tables that surround a majestic fountain where a lavish feast had been set up. Small roasted birds filled with orange sauce, at least twenty different soups, whole roasted animals, a table filled with shellfish, and another of colorful desserts.

There was enough food to feed all of District 12. The poor, shivering citizens that were more bone than flesh.

"You just have to try the lobster! It's to die for," one of the mutts – this one a man with sea-green hair and gold lips – pushes a fat lobster tail drenched with butter in my face.

It is to die for, I think to myself angrily.

A man had gotten whipped until he bled out in the town square two years ago because he'd taken one of the lobsters to feed his family. It had been a stormy year, the seas eating up whatever ship dared to enter and the catch barely enough – all of it meant to go to the Capitol.

"Oh no," I decline with a laugh. "I didn't leave District 4 to have to eat more fish!"

He laughs with me, nodding in agreement. Finnick and Pixie don't. They see through the act I was still trying to perfect. They see me stare at the food not with hunger but with anger for those that had nothing.

After the man is gone another takes his place and then another and another. I'm forced to laugh with them. To pretend that I was enjoying everything about my new life as a victor. They ask question after question, trying to get to know me – no, not me. They want to know the Mermaid of Panem. The bimbo that they thought loved them just as much as they did her.

"Eat something," Finnick whispers in my ear after another mutt walks off.

As if on cue, Pixie hands me a plate with stuffed mushrooms lathered in a cherry glaze, thin slices of beef, and some frothy pink soup in a little glass. It smelled delicious, but it only made my stomach churn uncomfortably.

Still I take the plate from her. "Thank you," I murmur softly.

Afton who had been watching Demetria and Luciana dancing together happily, glances back at me and walks over, fixing my already perfect hair. "They're right. Eat or everyone will start to think you rather have them burning with that poor pig over there."

"I would never want that," I take a bite from one of the mushrooms. "That poor pig has already suffered enough."

They all laugh.

"You are bad, little lady," Afton grins.

I smile at what he calls me. It reminds me of my mother, her calming voice at my ear as her soft arms hold me.

"Mermaid, yoo-hoo!"

My smile quickly fades as another mutt calls out behind me. With an inner groan of annoyance, I turn to an older woman that tries to appear thirty years younger than she actually was. Her short sequin dress too revealing and not at all hiding what is probably years of plastic surgery that has left her skin rubbery and ill looking.

"I'm so thrilled to meet you," the woman kisses me on both cheeks, loudly and wetly. "I'm Geraldine Bazine."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," I repeat what I had been telling everyone that shoved themselves in front of me.

"The pleasure is all mine! You are so beautiful! I tell all my friends that we look exactly alike when I was your age, about five or so years ago!"

Afton rolls his eyes.

"Five years ago in which century," Pixie whispers to Finnick, only loud enough for me to hear and forcing me to press my lips together to keep from laughing.

"I don't doubt that," I tell the woman. "And that dress…You are stunning in it! I'm going to have to get Pixie to design me something like it for the next party."

Geraldine giggles while Pixie looks at me like she's above to shove me into the cake, her expression amusing.

"If you wear the same thing I won't be able to tell you apart! I'm stunned by how beautiful you two are – you're practically sisters," a deep voice that I'd come to grow familiar with purrs.

"Oh, Gloss!" she throws her arms around the blond victor. "You are just the sweetest, yes you are, my Glossy."

My brow arches as I watch the woman who is old enough to be his mother nibble at his ear before she remembers about me and the others watching her with hidden disgust.

"You know Glossy, yes?" she asks me.

I look at him for a moment then turn to her. "I know Gloss, yes. We met a couple days ago in District 1."

"He's a jewel! The things he can do with his tongue," she giggles. "Let me tell you…"

"I rather you didn't, or I'll be awfully jealous," I force a laugh, setting down my plate after losing my appetite again.

I've never had a choice on who I screw.

Did Gloss have days like Finnick? Did he scratch at his skin to erase where the mutts had touched him? Did he have anyone to console him? His sister perhaps? She was also a victim of Snow, perhaps they consoled each other.

"Mermaid!" Geraldine huffs irritably.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I asked if you didn't like the food? You don't seem to be eating much tonight."

"No, no, it's all delicious. There's just so much I don't think I could take another bite and I have to watch my figure after all…"

Geraldine laughs loudly at my lie. "Darling, has no one told you? How rude you all are," she sends my team an amused glare, walking off to one of the tables that has glasses filled with clear liquid, taking one and on her way a shrimp cocktail. "Here," she hands me the glass.

"What is it?" I ask.

"It'll make you throw up. Take that over to the vomitorium it's through those curtains over there."

"Why would I do that?"

"So you can eat more, of course!"

"You…throw up…so you can eat more," I repeat slowly.

"Anwyn," Finnick place his hand on my waist, trying to calm me and prevent me from clawing out her eyes.

"Everyone does it," she takes a bite from one the shrimps. "It lets us enjoy all the food and keeps us from getting fat."

"From getting fat," l laugh coldly.

Geraldine nods, offering Gloss one of the shrimps which he declines with a shake of his head, his green eyes on me. It's him that saves her from getting thrown into the fountain and me from ending my Victory Tour worse than it had started.

"Gorgeous," he kisses her shoulder, fingers teasing the skin left revealed by her plunging neckline. "Why don't you go get something to drink? Chat a bit with your friends and then we can go to the room because I want you so badly that I might just have my way with you on the dessert table."

She bites her lip. "Glossy, I want you just as badly."

"Then go on and make thinks quick. I'll be over here waiting."

I suddenly think that I won't need whatever is in the glass I'm holding to throw up. Hearing her mew to him like an idiot and make all sorts of ridiculous faces was all I needed – that and the fact that I knew he was forced to be with her.

"Enjoy your night, Mermaid!" she kisses my cheeks again. "I hope we can catch up a bit more when you're back in the Capitol. I'd love for you to come to one of my parties! We can be such great friends!"

"We surely will," I watch her eat another shrimp and with a smile I add, "You shouldn't eat too many shrimps. They like to eat the shit from the bottom of the sea."

Finnick chokes on the sugar cube he'd just popped into his mouth. Pixie pats him on the back as she, Afton, and even Gloss fight back to hold their laughter at Geraldine's face.

"What?" she asks horrified.

"Thought you should know. From one friend to another."

"I'll just set this down right here," she gags. "I'm going to get that drink."

We all watch with amusement as she hurries off to wash out her mouth, bumping into more than a few guests in her haste.

"Now that effectively got rid of her," Gloss takes the glass I was still holding, setting it down next to the forgotten shrimp cocktail. "Fuck she's annoying. You on the other hand, are absolutely breathtaking."

"Thank you."

"You're only missing one tiny thing."

"And what would that be?"

"Me at your side."

I let out a laugh that sounds more like me.

"There it is! The real you," he claps his hands with a grin. "I thought that you had taken a sip from whatever the fuck they drink and then that would have put an end to our relationship."

"Don't you have to go entertain or something?" Finnick glares.

Gloss tilts his head to the side. "Don't you have to go entertain or something?"

"Where's Cashmere?" I ask Gloss before either of them drew more eyes on us than needed be.

"Dancing. Which reminds me, let's go dance."

He takes my hand and pulls me towards the dancefloor before I'm able to say no. I vaguely hear Finnick let out a sound of protest from behind us, but Gloss like always doesn't care. He seems entertained by annoying Finnick and happy to have me at his side.

"You really are persistent," I tell him as we join the rest of those dancing.

"And you need to better at pretending," he whispers, placing his hand a little above my waist, his touch innocent surprisingly enough.

"Do I?"

He slowly spins us around in time with the violinist. "You look ready to kill the next person that so much as says hello to you. Believe me, I know the feeling," he throws a glance at Cashmere who was dancing with a man that could have been her grandfather. "Geraldine is an idiot so what you said didn't offend her, but someone else…You can't say things like that. It won't end well for you and you aren't exactly on our dear president's list of favorites."

"Are you?"

"On his list of favorites?" he asks.

"Yes."

He shrugs. "After he broke me in, sure."

I'm surprised by how easy it is for him to say something like that. Finnick tends to keep what he is forced to do and the conversations he's had with President Snow away from me. Gloss notices my expression, laughing quietly, sadly.

"There's not much they can do to me. Cashmere is all I have left and if they take her away…I have no one else to love."

That would no longer be true. President Snow would use me against Gloss two years later, and I would hate myself for knowing that his love for me would cause him more pain. A love that I did not feel. I could only ever love Finnick.

"I'm sorry," I murmur.

He lifts me into the air like the others were doing to their partners, bringing me down slowly against his body a moment after. "Try harder, Anwyn. It only took me a second to realize the two of you were in love."

I freeze.

"They're starting to notice it with him. He was a mess during the Games and if there were a trident anywhere nearby I'd be dead for dancing with you," he whispers in my ear. To anyone it probably looks like we're flirting, but he's warning me just like he had about the beast.

"Gloss, please –"

"You don't have to worry about me telling anyone. I just think you should know that it's best you keep with your act better than he is at the moment. I wouldn't like to see you hurt."

"Thank you."

He smiles. "I did mean what I said about you being different. Usually I wouldn't care what happens to anyone other than my sister, but…" he sighs. "I should stay away from you. I can't let myself…"

"I could use a friend," I tell him.

"Friendship…I know myself well enough to know that's not exactly what I want."

"It's what I can offer you."

His gaze softens. "I don't really have friends. It would be nice to have one."

"Friends then."

"Friends –"

"May I cut in?"

My fingers dig into Gloss's shoulder at hearing the voice, Seneca Crane's voice. Gloss notices the sudden change in me. The fear I felt. His hand tightens around my waist as he meets Seneca's cold blue eyes with his own.

"Seneca," Gloss greets with a polite nod.

"May I cut in?" the Gamemaker asks again.

I feel my breathing grow labored, the darkness wrapping itself around me as the memories of the beast resurface. Seneca was just him. Their eyes were the same.

"We just started to dance," Gloss says with a forced laugh. "Don't take her away just yet."

"I'm sure you have others to keep you busy," Seneca drawls.

I want to run away. To find Finnick and hide in his arms. Hide from Seneca and the rest of the mutts.

"One more dance, Seneca. Patience is a virtue –"

"Gloss," a feminine voice calls in warning.

Cashmere is walking over to us, her lilac gown billowing out behind. She holds out her hand to her twin, her expression filled with the same warning that her voice had conveyed.

"Dance with me," she says.

Brother and sister share a look before he glances back to Seneca and then back to me, his eyes apologetic.

"Save me another dance, will you?"

I nod silently.

"Seneca," he offers my hand to the other man.

"Thank you," Seneca takes my hand and smiles at Gloss just as he had when he'd taunted Finnick back at Caesar's studio. "Enjoy your night with Geraldine. I know how much you enjoy her company and she yours."

Gloss is ready to retaliate, but Cashmere pulls him away from us before he has the chance to say anything.

Seneca chuckles. "It seems you have yet another admirer," he draws uncomfortably close to his body.

I look over his shoulder, finding Finnick hurrying towards the dancefloor, only to be stopped by one of his own admirers. Another mutt that takes his hand and has him spin her around as they join the other dancers.

He can't save me.

I can't breathe.

"It's difficult when one's lover isn't faithful," Seneca purrs.

"I barely know Gloss," I murmur.

"I wasn't referring to Rubidium."

My eyes meets his. "I have no lover."

"What do you think he can offer you?"

"I don't know who you're talking about."

His hand caresses my lower back. "Let's not play this game, Anwyn. Whatever Finnick means to you it's not worth it. I can offer you much more than whatever little dreams he's spun in your head."

"Finnick is my friend," I glare at him.

"I can offer you a life," he ignores me. "Be mine willingly and you will have what no other district citizen nor victor can have. Security. You'd be untouchable."

"As long as I submit to you."

Again he ignores the hostility in my voice, but his hold on me tightens as we spin around the other dancing couples. "As long as you are mine. I will give you my protection, a home, anything you'd ever want, even children."

The voices laugh, creating an image of a child that was not Finnick's. A child that was barely even mine.

A mutt.

"No one except me could give you all of that, Anwyn. Not those boys in your Games. Not Rubidium. Certainly not Odair."

"I don't want you," I snarl.

I should never have said that. I should have done what Gloss told me to do. I should have kept pretending.

Those four words would be the end to everything good in my life and only Finnick would remain. Seneca would remind me that it had been my choice that killed my family. My choosing of Finnick over him. Over them.

"I don't want anyone," I try saying after my outburst.

"But everyone else wants you, Miss Cresta. If you are as smart as you were in the Games, then you would realize that I'm the best chance you have at not being a part of the pretty victor circle."

The sound of applause puts an end to our dance.

Seneca turns from me, clapping alongside the rest of the guests. I tear my eyes away from him and follow everyone's gaze to President Snow, who stood on the balcony overlooking the gardens, a glass of champagne in his gloved hand.

"Tonight, on this last day of her tour, I want to welcome our newest victor. A young woman who embodies our ideals of strength and valor. We celebrate not only one of the most successful Games in what is a beautiful history spanning 70 years, we celebrate a victor that knew from the beginning of her Games that she was destined to be crowned. To love us as much as we have come to love her."

The crow claps and cheers.

"Miss Cresta this night is for you and you alone. I congratulate you on your victory and it is my hope that in the Capitol you will find all that you truly deserve. We welcome you with a loving embrace, my dear."

He raises his glass to me as the fireworks go off, drawing everyone's attention to the spectacular display of color. I'm about to join the others and watch as well when I catch sight of two things – President Snow shaking his head at me and Finnick being given a white envelope by a young man that I remember being an assistant to the president from when I'd been crowned.

"Oh dear," Seneca coos in my ear. "I don't think you've convinced Coriolanus. And as for Finnick…It seems he has a date…That will be your future unless you choose your allies wisely, my love."

You'll train with us, won't you Anwyn?

And be in the career pack?

I watch as Finnick is ushered away, a peacekeeper standing closely behind him. A gun being pressed into his back is the last thing I'm fully aware of. The voices are calling me. The darkness surrounding me until I can see nothing.

I can't breathe.

I need to get away.

So I run.

Finnick had warned me not to wander. To find Pixie or Afton if he wasn't with me, but I forget everything. All I do is rush past the crowd of mutts as they laugh and fill their stomachs with the food that they steal from the districts. I needed to get away. I wanted to go home and hide from them all.

So I run.

I run until I'm in a room filled with mirrors, my reflection staring back at me. There's a dagger in my hand. Blood begins to leak from the walls. The mirrors, they're in the mirrors. They're standing behind me. The tributes.

"It's not real. It's not real. It's not real."

The mirrors shatter and I cover my ears to drown out the noise when I see Seneca standing behind me. I quickly back away from him, stumbling into one of the many mirrors lining the walls.

"Please," I shake my head. "Please leave me alone."

My pleas mean nothing to him. Seneca tries taking me into his arms, but I evade them and run out of the room and deeper into the mansion.

"Don't do this Anwyn," he calls, following after me slowly, almost lazily.

I run through a set of open doors and I'm horrified to see that it's a bedroom. "No," I whimper and turn to leave, only to find Seneca walking into the room.

"Why are you making this harder than it has to be?" he closes the door behind him as he undoes his red tie.

"Don't do this," I beg. "You don't want me. I'm not okay. I'm not her. I'm not what the Capitol sees…"

"You're exactly what I want," he walks me back into a table, the vase that sits on it falling onto the floor and breaking into pieces.

"Please leave me alone! Don't do this –"

My protests are muffled by his disgusting lips on mine. His fingers were in my hair, holding me to him as I beat my fists against his chest. His mouth tastes of alcohol and the kiss is bruising, nothing like my Finnick.

"Let me go!" I bite his lip, drawing blood.

"Fuck!"

As I try running to the door, he grabs me by my hair and backhands me. I fall to the floor with the force of his blow. It's the first time anyone had ever hit me like so. Sadly, it would not be the last.

He grabs me by my hair again and lifts me against him. "I tried. I did really want this to be simpler, but if you want it to be like this then have it your way."

I struggle against him as he drags me towards the bed. I'm thrown onto it and in seconds Seneca is on top of me, using his weight to hold me down.

"NO!" I cry, trying to twist out from under him.

Seneca violently pulled at my dress, tearing the bodice and the chiffon skirt of what was once one of Pixie's beautiful creations.

"PLEASE!"

He doesn't stop. His mouth finds my neck, his teeth biting on my skin, maybe even drawing blood as I had done when he'd kissed me. My mind is submerged into the darkness that begins to drown me. I vaguely hear his belt being undone. Vaguely hear myself begging for someone to help me. For Finnick. For Anyone.

No one is coming. You're alone, the voices laugh.

I cry more at their cruel taunts.

Seneca doesn't care, his dirty lips trailing down to my breasts.

Fight, Anwyn. You need to fight back, one of the voices says. It's his voice. The sweet boy that was too kind for this world.

I hear him again and again.

No one can save me.

So I have to save myself.

I would regret it later…

It's when he raises himself on his knees to push the skirt of my dress over my legs that I get my chance to escape. I bring my leg up, kneeing him in the groin and then claw at his face, my nails digging into his cheek.

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" he shouts, clutching his manhood.

He tries to grab onto my wrist, but I managed to twist away and run out of the room.

"ANWYN!" he kept screaming. "SNOW WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!"

The tears fall down my face as I try to adjust my dress. His violent touch had left the neckline virtually destroyed; my breasts barely covered by the fabric anymore. I choke on my sobs, recalling his mouth on my neck, his wandering fingers on my thigh, his wine stained lips against mine.

I run faster to get away from Seneca and the memory of his touch. Everything was blurry, both from my tears and the darkness that clings to me, but still I run. I run through a set of doors that lead into the maze. I run until my heel gets caught in one of the tears at the bottom of my dress and sends me flying, my face slamming against the ground.

Blood trickles down my brow to my cheek and pain radiates immediately from my head, but none of that matters. Not when I hear the sound of footsteps coming my way and then a set of masculine hands wrapping around my arms.

"No! Please," I sob. "Please don't touch me. Please."

I'm pulled into a strong, warm chest. His arms holding me to him as he rocks me back and forth in a soothing manner.

"It's okay," he says. "It's going to be okay."