Hey all!
Hope you and your loved ones are all keeping safe and taking care of yourselves physically and mentally!
I really appreciate the words of support.
Trigger warning for this chapter (it's the world of SOA so be prepared).
Also… therapy corner. Please feel free to skip if you like :)So, I've really been struggling with myself lately. Sort of got into another slump where I get frustrated that I can write fan fiction and have a million ideas for stories that already exist but I can't seem to be motivated for the original stories I'm working on. I feel like a failure and like I'm not applying myself in the 'right' way, especially after 8 years of posting fan fiction stories. Seeing your support really helps to make me feel like my stories have a positive effect and that have some writing ability even I'm struggling to get quite good enough to even think about publishing my own. So, thank you! Really!
Deep cleansing breath…
Anyway… I wish I was clever enough to make a Game of Thrones connection in the last chapter somehow (especially since the ongoing GOT story on my other profile was my first fan fiction), but like with a lot of my stories I try to use songs and song titles from the show's music.
I know stories are meant to have a plot or something… but what can I say I LOVE fluffliness to the point where this is getting WAY longer than I expected (and I stick a lot of stuff in places where they may not exactly flow). Plus, I kinda needed some little bit flufflines right now and figure I can't be the only one. I'll try and keep it moving in the chapters to come. Until then… (sorry about the editing as always).
Chapter Thirty-Two – Let Me Live Long Enough
"…Hear her callin', hurry home
Been so long since I been gone
I won't get tired, won't go astray
I hear her callin', call my name
Hey now darling…"
– Pat James
Maise knew a lot of things.
Like how the sun is just a star like other stars.
And how the clouds are made from water on Earth.
And where Mr. T kept his secret brave girl gummies.
And when her Daddy was sad.
But he wasn't sad right now, because his face wasn't all blank and crunched at the same time. It was something else. He would smile but not the normal way. She just knew something was bothering him.
Maise gulped as she attempted to carefully carry Abel's bottle to Jackie, who was in the chair next to Abel's special playpen in Mommy's new room at the doctor's. She was doing her best to not the be the thing that was bothering Jackie, she was trying to be extra good, so he could stay...
But just then her foot caught on the wheel of Mommy's new bed and she tripped with Abel's food.
"AH!" Sharp pain shot up through her elbow when it connected to the shiny pink floor. She did her best to hold on to the bottle and keep it straight, but the top popped off and some spilled to the floor and on to her.
"Maise!"
Suddenly she was surrounded by a big warm hold from behind her. She knew it was Jackie and she was embarrassed, filled with fear that he would notice her behaviour and then…
"Are you alright, Little Bug? Let me see!" Jackie was speaking fast and moving even faster. He'd taken the bottle out of her hands and was turning her on the floor to face him.
He was worried now, she could see the lines around his eyes and his mouth had become small.
'Uh oh…'
"Daddy…"
"Can you move your arm for me, sweetheart?" He rushed out, interrupting her.
"Uh huh…" she nodded, biting her lip which was trembling.
It really hurt but she demonstrated the action for him.
The worried lines were still there though around his blue eyes. "Honey, this doesn't look too good. It's already bruising…" He swallowed, beginning to move to stand up again. "We have to…"
Maise couldn't help it. She didn't like this feeling. It was the same feeling she had when she and Mommy would leave Pop Pop or when her fish Antonio had his toilet funeral or when Pop was going to go away.
She was crying and hiccupping before she knew it. She knew she was supposed to be quiet and Pop didn't like it when she cried but she was sore and Daddy was gonna leave her, and Mommy still didn't wake up even after she sang Pop's wake-up song and...
"Maise…" Jackie said, but this Maise cut him off.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" She blurted out, snot was coming out of her nose making uncomfortable bubbles against her skin, but she went on loudly. "I'll be more careful! I won't do it again! I'm sorry! I…"
"Honey…" She could feel him lifting her with him to stand. Slowly, she started to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry. I'm…" Maise couldn't bring herself to face him.
"Darlin' you have nothing to be sorry about. It was just an accident and you got hurt."
"B-but…" she whimpered but couldn't quite finish since Jackie was doing something and moving around the room.
The rest of the time was a bit of a blur. Jackie called a doctor to look at her arm and they stayed in Mommy's room because of Abel, but someone brought an ice pack for her elbow while they waited for a special picture called an X-ray.
Jackie was holding her the whole time and she had barely lifted her face away from his chest. She shifted in his lap where they were sitting, unsure of what to do. "Can you look at me, Maise Mae?" Maise shook her head, shame still in her cheeks, she had been trying so hard and she still messed up. Everyone at school was right. "Margret, please. I need to tell you something very important."
Sniffing, Maise reluctantly raised her eyes to look up at his bearded face, some of the lines were gone now.
"Thank you." He paused for a moment staring at her. "Can I ask you a question?"
She nodded.
"Why do say sorry for things that aren't your fault?" He pushed some her hair out of her face.
Maise swallowed, she didn't like the way Jackie was looking at her, it made her tummy feel worried.
"I'm covered in Abel's food… it's wet…" she mumbled in response.
Jackie sighed before reaching over the arm of the chair into the bag of supplies Nana Teller had brought them. He pulled out her red Mooajoy t-shirt.
"Careful with your arm, honey." He said as he helped her out of her dirty shirt and carefully put her clean one on. Her elbow was throbbing, like there was a heartbeat in it. "Do you think you can answer my question, sweetheart?" He asked again as she was pushing her head through the hole in the top of the shirt.
"Because it is…" She offered, hoping that he wouldn't ask anything else. She didn't want to make him mad for not listening the from when they talked about it the first time.
"Oh, sweetheart…" He sighed again, coming into view once her head popped through the hole in her shirt. He dropped her dirty shirt next to the bag on the floor. "You know that it's not, right? It was an accident. A mistake." Maise nodded her head for him. Jax sat back in the chair a little, still looking at her face with the same expression. "Maise, can I ask why you get so scared when you make a mistake? Do you know why?"
Maise knew it was lying but she shook her head. What if Jackie wasn't thinking all the scary things she was thinking yet? And she told him them, then he started thinking them too and then he'd think he should go with Abel and…
Jackie's head tilted to the side a bit, his longer hair falling slightly against his shoulder when he did. "Is that true, Little Bug?"
Filled with shame for a second time, Maise dropped her gaze to her own lap, shaking her head. "No…" she whispered.
"What is scaring you, honey?" He questioned softly, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. "I'll do everything I can to help but you have to tell me."
Taking in a staggered breath and wincing as she adjusted her arm against the ice pack that Jackie was helping her hold against it. She adjusted her head so more of her light hair would cover her face from him.
"I still get a worry tummy 'bout it even though you said that you weren't gonna go… but I don't wanna say again in case…"
"In case what, honey?"
"I don't wanna make you mad, 'cause I keep talking 'bout it."
"Little Bug…" Maise felt better enough that she finally let in some of the warmth that she felt whenever he called her that. "I promise I will never get mad at you for tellin' me the truth about something. No matter how many times you need to say it again. I'm here for you. You remember that, right?"
Maise felt overwhelmed again. She fell to her side slightly to land against his chest again so she wouldn't have to look at him. "I 'member, Daddy."
He moved the ice pack to follow her elbow. "Ok, honey will you tell me now?"
"I- I think you'll go away with Abel." She felt his arms wrap around her more tightly, as she went on. "I'll make a mistake so big you won't ever come back."
Maise could hear him take a great big breath over the sound of his steady heartbeat against her ear. "You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did. There is nothing. Not one thing that you can ever to do to make me go away. You and your Mommy belong right here with me and Abel." With his words the worry in her tummy was turning less heavy.
"Margret. Do you wanna know the important thing I wanted… needed to tell you?"
She nodded into the fabric of his shirt, suddenly feeling very tired.
"I love you, Little Bug." He squeezed her with another hug, "I love you so much."
Something was beeping.
Rosie twitched at the sound.
The material behind her was scratchy but not uncomfortable.
It was warm.
She could see that there was some kind of light coming from somewhere behind her eyelids. Her mouth was dry and tasted awful.
Gently teasing her eyes open, she scanned her surroundings. Slowly she pieced together that she was not where she had been when she had fallen… asleep?
That it hadn't all been a horrible nightmare.
She didn't have a lot of time to absorb much more. She couldn't even let a sob form before a body rushed towards her. Hands were in her hair and a familiar mouth was pressed over hers. With a deep inhale, Rosie realized she recognized the touch and the heat. She allowed herself to relax into the security of the sensation for moment.
"You're up." Jax pulled away, his nose brushing hers. She could see his glossy blue eyes and a relieved grin on his handsome face. Rosie opened her mouth to speak, but another voice stopped her.
"Mommy!" Maise screeched.
Rosie's eyes fell closed and she took a steadying breath. She'd never heard a more beautiful sound her in her whole life. Quick as flash she ripped her eyes open again and yanked her daughter off the ground, on to the bed. Rosie held Maise's little body so tight she was vaguely aware she may injure her.
"My baby, I missed you so much!" Rosie spoke, her voice rough with misuse. She kissed every inch of her daughter's face she could. She pressed her lips to her little hands, her cheeks, her hair, her nose. "I love you, Maise Mae."
"I knew you didn't leave!" Maise exclaimed, her blue eyes shining with excitement.
"I'd never, ever, ever leave you anywhere Maise. You're my life." Rosie hugged her baby close again, tears running down her cheeks thinking of what may have gone through her little girl's head while she'd been gone.
"Jackie said you were sick. And he didn't want to scare me, so he said you went on a special trip." Maise's muffled voice explained through Rosie's hair. "But I told him. I said, 'Daddy I'm not a'scared. I'm a big girl, and Mommy needs me so she can feel better'."
"You're so smart, Margret." Rosie laughed with a wet sniff, deliriously happy to be near Maise again. "And so brave. Of course, I need you. I'll always need you."
"But Daddy said that Abel needed his big sister too, that's why you wanted me to stay." Maise carried on, her voice slightly less sure now.
"And I'm positive you did a great job taking care of him too, sweetheart." Rosie pulled away, she just had to look at her little girl's face again.
Maise nodded, her enthusiasm renewed. "Nana Teller helped, but Abel giggles just for me. And I knew all our special songs to help him sleep and wake-up! I remembered them all!"
"That's my girl…" Rosie gave her daughter a watery smile, pushing her abundant sandy hair away from her face. "Can I see him? Can I see Abel?"
"He's right there, Momma!" Maise said dramatically as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. She pointed to Abel's travel playpen, which Jax had clearly set up in the room.
Rosie's eyes began to water all over again. "Can you please bring him over to me?" She whispered to Jax without lifting her eyes from the little blond boy who was sitting up and playing with the blocks in his safe enclosure.
She rested a hand against her stomach the bump and the flutter was still there. Still strong.
Jax moved around the end of the bed and lifted Abel easily from the pen. A strange, yet pleasant expression was on young father's face as he pressed a button to raise the back Rosie's hospital bed, so she'd have some more support to sit up. Without a word Jax carefully shifted his way on to Rosie's bed to be nestled against her. Jax sat Abel on each of their legs, one arm slung around Rosie's back and the other holding Abel in place. Maise clambered to nuzzle against Rosie's other side.
This was perfect. This was great. This was…
"What the fuck!"
Rosie nearly jumped out of her skin. A moment of fear that this wasn't real, that she was still trapped in that cold, dark place filled her. 'I am dreaming…' The voice coming from beyond the door was too surreal for words.
"You better move the fuck out the way!"
"Ope's out there…" Jax muttered, seeming like he was about to get up when the door burst open.
"R- Rico?"
She was dimly aware of some of the tension in Jax's posture dissolving at her questioning introduction.
"Don't fucking…" Rico's huge body seemed to run out steam the more he looked at Rosie's face from where he was standing. He was trying to maintain an expression of anger, but was failing miserably. "Don't you fu-fuck…" His blue eyes were welling up and his mouth was trembling. "Christ, Rosalyn!" He barrelled forward, wrapping his large arms around her and Maise. Likely almost, if not completely, pushing Jax and Abel off of the bed. Rosie eyes fluttered closed. It was Rico. She felt a though she'd just been covered in a protective blanket that smelt like her childhood memories... salted peanut shells, grease, the road... Tony.
"Your beard Unkey Rico!" Maise giggled as she was covered in kisses.
"You think I care, Maise-doddle? After so long I'm gonna snuggle you to death!" He responded, causing Maise to laugh harder.
This was all so bizarre. Rosie didn't know what the hell to expect next. Her life had gone from a horror movie to a sitcom, with guest stars suddenly making appearances. Her overwhelmed mind and senses couldn't keep up. Nothing could shock her at this point.
"Rosie." Another person spoke from the doorway.
'Oh my god…'
"Nana Case!" Maise exclaimed, wrestling herself away from Rico once he'd straightened up and jumping to the floor.
"Hey, sweetie. I've missed you." Nicola managed a smile for Maise when the little girl ran up to hug her, though her worried gaze came back up to drift between Jax and Rosie.
"I missed you too!"
"Did Daddy bring you here 'cause Mommy was sick?" Maise babbled, as Nicola returned the girl to the ground and moved closer to the foot of the bed, where Rosie was growing increasingly uncomfortable under the scrutiny of the many eyes on her.
Maise's statement had caused alarm and confusion to raise in both Rico and Nicola's expressions. Understandably so…
"She… She means…"
"She means just that." Jax cut in to Rosie's rambling sharply causing a heavy silence to fall over the room.
"Rosie…" Rico started to speak.
"Uncle Rico I…" Rosie felt at loss even though she'd interrupted him.
"Listen, guys, she just woke up. Maybe we shouldn't be overwhelming her." Jax decided to speak up when Rosie failed to, moving off of the bed to return Abel to his playpen. "Why don't you both come back…"
Rosie knew that Jax was trying to help, but she didn't have to look at Rico's face to know his reaction. "Son, you do not want to be tellin' me what to do right now."
Before anyone else could say anything else a new voice came from the door.
"Hello?" A young uncomfortable looking doctor was standing at the entryway of the room, with a less than happy looking Opie behind him.
"H-hi." Rosie offered once she found her voice.
"A... um… a nurse noticed you ah… had visitors and that you um… might be awake…" The young man edged into the room, his eyes shifting between Jax and Rico where the tension was most palpable. "So… ah… I'm going to need to ch-check you. Make uh… sure…"
"How old are you? 13? Jesus Christ!" Rico snapped as per his usual self. Surprisingly, Jax let out a soft snicker at the comment.
"Rico…" Rosie sighed, she meant to roll her eyes but she felt suddenly drained. Apparently, the change in her appearance was enough to lower Rico's hackles.
"Rosie, honey." Nicola finally spoke again, looking over Rosie face with her warm brown eyes. "We'll be right outside…" the older woman gave Rosie's arm a squeeze, carrying on over Rico's spluttering, "…ok?"
As tears filled her eyes, Rosie nodded up at her friend. Overwhelmed by her unfailing kindness.
"Yeah. Fine." Rico grumbled, "But we're taking the kid with us." He stated firmly.
Sensing Jax about to protest, Rosie spoke quickly. "Of course." She smiled at Maise who was enthusiastically nodding her head, though her heart ached to have Maise away from her so soon, but she'd be safe with Rico and Nicola in the hospital, and it would keep things calm for now. "Is that ok baby?"
"Yeah. But we gotta come back quick in case! And I gotta go the bathroom anyway so it's ok!"
Rosie swallowed, looking to Nicola and speaking soft enough for only her to hear. "Don't let her out of your sight."
The dark-skinned woman, nodded. "Not a chance." Giving the young mother some sense of security.
"Ok…" Rico crushed Rosie in another hug, picking Maise up as he made his way to the door with Nicola following. He turned around at the opening expectantly looking back at Jax, who simply planted his feet and crossed his arms over his chest at Rosie's bedside.
The doctor seemed to find his nerve at that moment, turning to Rosie. "Um… he can stay if you want…" He stopped when Rico sent him a death glare.
"Why?" Rico asked, the anger beginning to surface again.
"Rico…" Nicola placed a hand on his shoulder. "Not right now."
That stopped any further conversation. Tension still in his body Rico simply nodded and continued out the door with a babbling Maise in his arms.
Once the door fell closed, Rosie shut her eyes to collapse back against the bed, overcome with exhaustion. She felt Jax's arm curl around her head and his hand stroking her hair. This was a lot. Too much at once.
Even given that she still had no clue what had gotten her to this place she felt all her energy had been too annihilated to ask.
"So…" The doctor awkwardly began talking again, causing Rosie to open her hazel eyes. "Ahem… I'm gonna need to check your vitals." Rosie had to give the young man credit, he went about his work with Jax scrutinizing his every move. He offered Rosie a cup of water which Rosie drank greedily. "Things are looking pretty good considering… we should get you started on some solid food though." The doctor spoke avoiding all eye contact with Jax. "I requested the ultrasound machine to check out the little guy but there's a little delay. I'll go write up your food orders and check on where that machine is." With that he rushed out the room, without asking if they had any questions or giving his name.
"Fucking punk kid…" Jax mumbled under his breath, arms crossed over his broad chest again.
"Jax…" Rosie shook her head at him. "I'm sure he's gone through years of training to do this stuff."
"Yeah, well when 'this stuff' the care of my old lady I'm allowed to be unimpressed by the teenager that just came in here."
'My old lady…' that phrase sank into Rosie's mind. Suddenly the crazed events that had been her life for what had felt like an eternity flooded her.
"Jax…" her voice came out broken enough to bring his fuming to an end. He huddled closer to her with concern. "Jax, what happened? W-was it you? Was it Ezr…"
"Shhh…" He climbed on to the bed again, wrapping her up in his arms.
"What happened, Jax?" She sobbed without tears.
There was a heavy pause before he responded, as though he was deciding whether or not to tell her. Eventually he made up his mind to speak. "You have a student… Matthew Jennings." Rosie nodded against his chest, her brow furrowed in confusion. "His mother and her partner weren't happy with you reporting to DCFS." Rosie felt her body go numb. "They had planned on picking up school counsellor that day, but it had been a bust and then…" he squeezed her harder, "then they saw you babe, in the diner and took their chance like the garbage that they were."
Rosie was struggling to breath.
There were spots in front of her eyes. Blood was rushing to her head.
It was her.
Not Jax.
Not Ezra.
Her choice had put her family in danger.
"Oh my god." She gasped.
"It's ok. It's ok. You're safe now." He rubbed circles against her back and pressed kisses to her hair.
"I just… why? Why?" Rosie asked aloud, still trying to understand.
"The kid's mom was a junkie. And step-dad was a gangbanger. They just went about it the only way they knew how." He nuzzled his scruff covered cheek against her hair. "They didn't know you were mine, baby." His voice was cracking now. "I'm so sorry it took so long."
"H-how long?"
"Three days."
Another shock hit her. How had so much time passed without her being aware of it? It had felt like forever but three days? Three days taken away from her babies and her life? Rosie thought of the pinching on her arm.
She swallowed thickly, forcing herself to ask, "What did they do to me, Jax?"
He moved his hand down to brush her bare right arm, he took a moment to answer and when he did his voice was filled with remorse. "They injected you with heroin."
Right then is when the urge to gag hit Rosie so hard she didn't know what to do with herself. She lurched forward, dry heaving and holding on to Jax's legs to keep from passing out.
"Am I… is the…" her fist clenched at her stomach.
"They said things were looking good yesterday." Jax's voice was a rough whisper now, like he was pushing himself to answer. "But they wanna keep an eye in case."
Her ears were ringing. Everything was too loud and quiet all at once.
"I'm sorry, Jax. I'm so sorry." Tears spilled from behind her closed eyes.
"Hey… hey, sweetheart…" He pulled her back into his arms. "You did nothing wrong. You did your job. You kept those scumbags from ruining their kid's life. You're amazing, Rosalyn. I'm so proud of you, darlin'. You fucking amaze me." He was sniffing slightly as he spoke. Rosie had difficulty absorbing let alone believing anything he was saying to her.
Silence fell. Rosie cried until the tears were gone. She thought about that woman who had seemed like a demon from a nightmare days ago. "She just wanted her baby back…"
"She didn't deserve him." Jax responded bitterly, though Rosie hadn't intended to speak out loud.
"She wanted me to feel the pain she felt… she lost her baby, Jax."
More silence. Rosie wasn't sure if anything was sinking in, the words Jax had spoken seemed to just be repeating in her head. Rosie curled around Jax, trying to grasp at her thoughts to see if she could make sense of her feelings.
"Was…"
"What?" Jax asked from above her, as he had been absently stroking her hair again.
"You said 'was'… was a junkie… a gangbanger…" Rosie shifted to look at him in the eye, her voice more even than before. "What does that mean, Jax?"
He didn't respond right away. His face was hard, his blue gaze steady but filled with storming emotion.
"Do you wanna know?"
She nodded though she was fighting the strong urge not to. 'No more hiding Rosalyn.'
"It means that gangbanger was handled by his crew for his conduct. And the cun… the woman is laying in a hospital bed."
Rosie could only blink in response, feeling dizzy again.
One person was dead because of her and another was in hospital.
"Don't you dare, Rosalyn." Jax used his calloused fingers to draw Rosie's chin up, so she couldn't look away. "Don't you dare. They made their choices. They chose this life. You are not responsible. None of this is on you."
'They made their choices. They chose this life.' Rosie played on a loop in her head, because if she didn't she felt as though it might explode.
"Hey?" The doctor's nervous energy re-entered the room, causing Rosie to gasp and Jax's to flinch at the intrusion. Sensing the intensity again the doctor didn't seem anymore comfortable than he had been during his last visit. "The equipment was free." He wheeled in the ultrasound machine to the side of the bed that Jax wasn't on.
"Only good things now…" Rosie heard Jax whisper against her hair as she shifted to lay back and the doctor set-up the machine. "You did everything right, babe."
Rosie felt her eyes welling up again, because she wanted to believe him. She was so ready to be excited and ignore the things that just happened days ago. Just be normal.
The doctor clapped his hands together loudly, causing both Jax and Rosie to flinch again. "Ready!"
"For fuck's sake." Jax didn't even bother trying to hide his comment.
"Ah…" Rosie painfully struggled to smile tightly at the worried looking resident. "Yeah. Ready."
Moving her bed sheets down and her gown up to expose her stomach, Rosie felt the familiar cold of the gel on her stomach. Rosie's emotions were all over the place, it felt as though she was on a rollercoaster that had no end in sight.
Jax had moved to sit at the edge of the bed, holding her hand tightly as they waited until suddenly… the sound of a heartbeat filled the room.
"Holy shit…" Rosie turned her head away from the screen to see Jax smiling with tears spilling down his cheeks. He bent his head to kiss her hand. Wiping his eyes against the back of her hand, he whispered against her skin, "Thank you. Thank you."
"She's right here. You wanna see?" The young doctor sounded less scared now. Rosie turned her head back to face the screen.
"She?"
"Oh!" The edge returned the young man's voice. "I'm sorr…"
"No! No, bro, it's ok!" Jax laughed in a strange sob of relief. "Another perfect girl…" He reflected, his voice was lazy… happy. Suddenly he rushed forward to capture Rosie's lips in a sweet, soft kiss. "Thank you." He mumbled again against her mouth with a smile she could taste.
Rosie was still reeling from the sight of her and Jax's baby on the monitor. For so long she had denied it, the first sonogram was barely anything, and now there she was. That flutter she had been growing increasingly comfortable with was more real than ever and so was Rosie's immense love for her.
Jax ran his free hand over his wet face, sniffing and laughing as he did. "We made that… her…"
Rosie squeezed and shook his hand slightly. "Our baby…" She was smiling now too.
"Ahh…" The doctor's voice broke the joy of the moment. "Um…" His Adam's apple was bobbing quickly as he moved the wand over the other side of Rosie's stomach with more pressure.
Immediately the air in the room changed, it felt darker and suffocating now.
"What's going on?" Rosie asked, her tongue feeling heavy as she did.
"Um…" the doctor swallowed again, shifting his eyes to Rosie, then placing the wand back on to the tray attached to the machine. "One moment, I just need to consult with my…"
Jax gripped Rosie's hand tighter. Rosie felt hollow and unable to move with fear.
"What is it?" Jax spoke, his voice sharp and soft.
"I-I'll be right back…" The doctor squeaked, rushing out of the room.
Rosie could feel Jax rubbing and kissing her hand reassuringly, though it felt off. Something was off. Neither of them spoke.
Someone knocked at the door, entering soon after. "Hello!" A grey-haired woman in a lab coat entered followed the by younger doctor. "I'm Dr. Kile from obstetrics, I'm just here to help Dr. Moore with the stubborn little fella you gotten in there."
"It's a girl." Was Jax's only response, he sounded so cold and faraway now.
Dr. Kile nodded, having already picked up the wand and placing it against Rosie's lower belly.
Rosie felt as though she was sinking into the centre of the world.
Dr. Kile's expression revealed nothing. Rosie was biting her chapped lips, wanting to ask but terrified to do so. Her heart was in her throat. Her hazel eyes glued to the doctor's face in case something changed.
"Ok…" Dr. Kile stopped moving the wand, placing it back on machine and wiping the gel off of Rosie stomach. "Ms. Roe. You can lower your gown now."
Rosie didn't move a muscle. She physically couldn't. "What is it?" She asked in a voice she barely recognized.
Dr. Kile took a deep breath her blue gaze moving between Rosie's face and Jax's before landing on Rosie again.
"Dr. Moore was correct in assessing that there is a baby girl there, but…" she paused for a moment, Rosie felt Jax's fingers clenched harder around hers. "There is however another fetus, a boy."
"Twins?" Jax asked out loud the question that Rosie was thinking as the young mother was dumbstruck. She realized that she had been bigger than she had been with Maise, but that was meant to be common in second pregnancies.
Her mind began reeling. Four. She was going have four babies. Rosie brain jumped around trying to figure out how to make that future work. She bounced from joy, fear, confusion, excitement, and most of all speechlessness.
"But the other sonogram…" Jax spoke again.
Dr. Kile nodded, "Sometimes in earlier scans it's hard to detect and it can be easy to miss if their hiding like your boy."
"Ok. So, this is good thing, right?" Jax's question pulled Rosie right out of her frantic thoughts back to this bleak feeling room.
Dr. Kile looked between the young parents once again. "Ordinarily yes, but I'll need you both to take a breath." The doctor paused for Jax and Rosie to follow her direction. Rosie didn't have to look up at Jax to know that neither of them were taking the doctor's advice. Rosie eyes and ears strained to focus on the older woman to make sure she didn't miss anything.
Relenting the kindly looking doctor gave in. "All right… It's difficult to determine the cause and when it may have occurred, but unfortunately I have some bad news for you both." Rosie felt Jax's grip on her hand tense then loosen slightly. "Your son is healthy with a strong heartbeat, he's a fighter... but I'm so very sorry to say that your daughter… she's no longer growing and there is no heartbeat."
And with that Rosie felt Jax's hand let go of hers.
Crying...
First thing... sorry about the editing I know it's rough I will come back and try to smooth it out (like all my stories).
Ok, so elephant in the room. I know I said fluffiness, but I guess some plot snuck in there too. I kept going back and forth because like I said I love the warm fuzzy stuff… but this is the path so hopefully you guys can trust me (and I can trust myself). This happens with twins in real life (someone experienced it and it was just awful).
Also, please don't hate me! It's SOA so angst and drama and sadness is part of the deal.
I know this chapter is a bit jumbled but I really wanted it to feel like rollercoaster that Rosie couldn't keep up with. Of course there'll be more drama to come and I'm fairly certain this story will end up being literally a million chapters long but I'll try and update sooner rather than later.
And as a little accountability exercise for myself, I'm going to work on my original stuff (damn it!). I know I can get better! If I just resist and funnel some of that fan fic energy into my own stuff lol :/
Thank you all so much for your support! I understand some of you will need to go your own way after this. I'm sorry to see you go but I understand and I thank you for joining me for as along as you have.
I've definitely needed you all. Sometimes it might feel one-sided but you guys support me a lot! I read you critiques (someone said it felt like things just happening with no passion) and I try to do better (hopefully I've improved). I appreciate the help you give me!