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Sometimes you have no choice, or it may be impossible at that moment.
I remember the first time I made a choice knowing the consequences. I was 10 years old, I had not studied enough for the exams and the exams were coming up. We had a scheduled trip to the beach. I really wanted to go and have fun with my parents, but my mother told me that if I missed the exam I could repeat the year. I cried, I threw a tantrum and she let me decide, because I knew that this was important for my learning.
She did not threaten me and assured me that I would not be punished for my choice. Only the punishment, life had already given me. I didn't want to be left behind by my friends, or to lose a year of my life. So I didn't go on a trip. I didn't choose what I wanted, but what was needed.
Today, when I entered that courtroom, I was the same boy being punished for a life choice. I will never forget the hurt in Ellen's eyes, when she saw me defend her uncle. I just couldn't abandon a client at the moment like that. I have a profession, a life and a professional ethic to follow. I have a family and a father waiting for me to keep a promise.
So I figured that when it was over things could be fixed, after all I didn't go to the beach that day, but my dad took me there the next month.
This time, however, there was no fix and life punished me in the worst possible way. I never loved a woman and now I understand my fear. I was not prepared to love, much less to lose.
I Enter the apartment after she leaves. the memories of the past few weeks are everywhere, forgotten by Ellen, like everything we lived. On the couch, a cell phone case that has SpongeBob; on the bed, a teddy bear that she called gum and which she never abandons at bedtime.
I sit on the sofa and do the only thing that remains: I cry like a child.
You need to forgive me, Baby. I don't know how, but you need to forgive me.
In a last desperate attempt, I send a message to her: Today I had no choice, however wrong it may seem, at that moment I found myself wasted with no time to assess the situation. Except that even the worst bandits and murderers are entitled to a defense, and you don't give me a chance to explain what happened when you calm down, please call me or let me see you, Ellen. It hasn't been an hour since you left and it has already been bitter. I love you infinitely Ellen. Call me, baby, my life depends on it. Note: if you do not call me, I am seriously thinking about studding myself with diamonds, even if it is for you to rip my skin off being in touch with you will be enough reward.
Message sent. After a few minutes, she reads it and starts typing. My heart is filled with hope. She's typing ... but a few minutes ... she's still typing ... she can only be writing a book for me. I smile imagining those little fingers typing. The message arrives.
1- You had a choice. I was not one of them. 2- you playing as a victim does not match the best lawyer in the world (that must be why the world is so ugly and dirty). 3- Bandits and murderers have the right to defense, but the dead do not need it. You are dead and buried for me. 4- If your life depends on me, I pity you, you're screwed. 5- Don't even bother to put diamonds on your body
... I couldn't go with you without losing focus Ellen
... coming back, don't give yourself to this job because everything in you will turn into jewelry, things that I don't use. 6 to 1 million - I hate you In the sequence, she sends out a hundred different emoticons:
I get mad when I read all that and send an answer: you're being childish, Ellen.
I Smash a vase, kick the couch and curse all the names when she blocks me. Lost amidst a whirlwind of feelings unknown to me,i pick up a bottle of whiskey and I will do what I see all the disillusioned, the weak, the defeated and assholes as I do: get drunk.
I can't sleep well. I go through all the stages of the drink, laugh alone, cry and, finally, I get a hangover.
The other day in the morning, all I want less is to go to work. It's just that I'm already unhappy, so if I miss the day of service, I can get rid of it. I take an ice bath and go to MH law firm.
My father, as always, is in my office waiting for me and comes with open arms.
- son, I have to congratulate you - he says while hugging me.
- Chris called me and said it was a success. He said that you slaughtered her and the cause is almost won. He was euphoric, he had never seen his niece fall so low - he says, thinking of praising me, but it only makes me feel like the worst son of a bitch in the world.
-Dad, can we forget about this case today?
- You don't look well. I didn't noticed. Forgive me, Giacomo. Didn't you sleep well?
- Actually, I didn't even sleep.
-Drinks and women ... when will you learn son? I thought you were dating- he replies. Apparently, it must be an evil pact against me, because with every word I feel like an idiot with capital letters.
- Don't tell me you spent the night having fun with Ellen! I knew you were made for each other.
-Dad, Enough! There are no women, neither she nor shit. I drank just that. And about Chris, I wanted to tell you that he is the worst human being I have ever met in my life he is fighting a battle with an innocent person wake up, dad, i want you to find another lawyer for the case. I'm out .
- you won't do that. You have defended many cases where honesty was at issue and I have not seen you abandon them - he says as he looks at me with a stern look.
-I am big enough to make my own decisions. Nothing you tell me is going to change my mind, Dad, -I say and face him too. His expression is one of disappointment, something that I never saw.
- how am I going to explain this to him?
- he deserves no explanation, for being disgusting as he is. But if you are so keen on his friendship, Dad, say that I overworked myself and I'm not doing it. I'm Putting Lucas in charge of his case he is the best we have here in the office.
- it is unacceptable here, Giacomo, to drop a case due to work overload. You are being unfair and making me lose a great friend.
- the world was unfair to me first. And this friendship is more important than your son, go ahead - I finished, pointing to the door.
He goes out and slams the door hard. I don't remember ever fighting so badly with my father. We never fight. When did my life get off the Rails like that?
I sit up and run my hands over my face, feeling defeated. The mighty Giacomo was slayed by the mighty Ellen. I Pick up the phone and ask Lucas to come to my office.
I get the files and folder with Ellen's file, because I'm going to pass the case on to him today. I don't want to have to deal with Chris anymore.
When he arrives, he starts to go through the papers and I come face to face with an envelope. I remember that Chris delivered those photos saying that his niece was changing her boyfriends as she changes her bags. The very thought upsets my stomach. It can't be the same person, my Ellen only had two boyfriends. I open the envelope and let the photos fall slowly onto my desk.
There must be about twenty. In each one, my Ellen is hooked up kissing a different guy, who squeezes her in every possible place.
- I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you spoiled brat!- I scream without control. I hear someone slam the door. I put the photos back in the envelope and put them in a drawer. That never goes into the process. Lucas enters. I explain every case to him, trying to be as professional as possible and without taking sides at any time. He leaves my office carrying the papers and seems to have lifted a weight off my back.
When it couldn't get any worse, my secretary comes in telling me that the dinner invitation in honor of Ellen's parents has arrived, since I have confirmed my presence. I almost give up, but ends up solving it and hoping to see her there and tell some good truths about that saintly face.
Everything seemed to be screwed up enough, until Mark appears in my office already saying: - Lexie loved the idea of dinner. She already prepared everything and called Ellen, it will be tomorrow night at home. man, she thinks you still hate each other and is thinking about strengthening security.- He says laughing. It is not possible I must have thrown stone on the cross!
I really feel like nobody is reading this