Reconstructing Rome
By Indygodusk
Chapter 32
"All roads indeed lead to Rome, but theirs also is a more mystical destination, some bourne of which no traveler knows the name, some city, they all seem to hint, even more eternal."
RICHARD LE GALLIENNE
Reacting first, Ava swept up Lucas and ran. Solutus Cantus moved a second later, jumping forward and wrapping his arms around the ugly winged tree statue with a shout and dragging it out. Debris pelted his arms and back, but he didn't stop moving until he'd gotten the statue halfway down the hall.
As the air filled with gray dust, Meredith finally reacted and retreated coughing down the hall. Her arm arched over JJ in case any bouncing shards of rock got this far. JJ let her feelings about the situation be known by breaking into wails. Once far enough away, Meredith frantically checked over JJ, spitting on the inside of her shirt and wiping JJ's face to remove the dust coating her eyes and small nostrils. She didn't look hurt, just terribly unhappy with everything.
Looking back, Meredith saw that the floor of the alcove and parts of the hallway were now strewn with rubble. However, she didn't care about that because the collapse had exposed the entrance to an Ancient-looking room with three consoles lit softly by bronze and blue lights.
"Jackpot," Meredith announced with satisfaction. She pressed an excited kiss to her daughter's dusty hair. "We found it, my girl!" JJ coughed and thumped her fist on Meredith's chest.
Still hugging the ugly statue, Cantus Solutus looked at the room with wide eyes. "A second God machine, just like you said." He turned his dusty face to Ava. The birdcage on his head was tilting at a forty-two-degree angle and a welt on his dusty cheek beaded with bright red blood. "I'm ashamed to admit that I doubted if it truly existed. I agreed to this pilgrimage mostly because of my fondness for you and respect for your righteous example and great faith. I am humbled. Truly, God has shown us that the Aquila family and their Matriarchs are still favored in Heaven's eyes." He released the statue to flick his hands towards Ava in a religious blessing.
Unfortunately, JJ didn't care about the excitement of finding the second Ancient machine. She hiccuped, thumped her hands on Meredith again, and began to wail. Nothing Meredith did would quiet her. Stressed, Meredith finally just unbuttoned the top of her shirt and tried to console JJ with the offer of milk. JJ refused to drink, coughing and arching away, but all the mouthing made Meredith start to leak, which was annoying and sticky and made Meredith try to force the feeding even more. JJ gagged and spit milk back out but Meredith was stronger and more stubborn. It wasn't technically smothering her child, just aggressive feeding. She was probably being a bad mother but she needed to keep her sanity and calm JJ down and this was all she had right now. Angrily hitting her mother, a red-faced JJ finally gave in and started sucking. Milk squirted out JJ's nose. Before Meredith could worry, JJ let go, repositioned, and returned to sucking. Thankfully she didn't hold grudges. Within seconds the angry wrinkle between her brows disappeared and JJ's fingers relaxed to cradle Meredith's breast, her eyes sliding closed in contentment. Meredith took a deep breath and started to relax too.
"This strength of will better translate over to academic strength too," Meredith grumbled. "Poor thing, we'll probably have epic screaming matches when you become a teenager." Meredith leaned back against the wall and ran the back of her fingers down JJ's plump cheek. The whistling sound of JJ's labored breathing through her little nostrils was audible over the sucking noises, making Meredith frown and her anxious imagination bounce between worse case scenarios. "I hope you don't get sick. What if you have asthma? Can babies even use inhalers? Do they have inhalers here?" She was starting to panic.
Several priests came running down the hallway to investigate the noise of the collapsing bricks. They cried out in surprise at seeing the hidden room. Solutus Cantus stepped forward and ordered two priests to move the ugly statue to a safer place. Meredith rolled her eyes, privately thinking that letting the ugly old thing get broken would've done the Manudian's a service.
Ava has a wiggling Lucas trapped in her arms as she went to talk to Solutus Cantus and the other priests.
"Down! Down!" Lucas cried.
He was ignored by all the adults. Lucas tried going under and then over Ava's arm, his hands outstretched towards the room of Ancient machinery, but his mother countered all his acrobatics, scooping up his flailing limbs and locking him more firmly in her embrace. It was rather impressive.
Finishing with the priests, Ava carried Lucas over to where Meredith was still feeding JJ. "Are you two alright?"
"JJ's breathing is rough, but I'm fine, great in fact now that we've found the second machine." Meredith's eyes wandered to the glowing room, anxious to get inside and see if she could finally fix things and go home. They had inhalers back home. Also advanced theoretical physics, red jello, peppermint hot chocolate, the internet, and cats. She hoped JJ liked cats.
Abruptly JJ jerked on the breast and milk spurted from her nose again. She reared back to let out a series of hard coughs that made her little body convulse. Worried, Meredith patted and rubbed JJ's back until she calmed down. She wiped JJ's face, nose and cheeks dry with the inside of her shirt and switched her over to the other breast to continue the feeding. "I don't like this. The air down here isn't good for JJ's lungs," Meredith told Ava, watching hawkishly to make sure JJ didn't start choking again.
Frowning, Ava ran her hand down JJ's back. "Do you want me to take her home so you can focus on work?"
Solutus Cantus hovered farther down, giving them privacy by examining the new room from the hallway.
Meredith bit her lip. "I don't know. What if she needs me? Or something happens?"
"You have to know that I'll watch out for JJ like she's my own," Ava said firmly. "We finally have hope with the second God machine. You should do what you do best and get started. I'll send Julian down to help as soon as he gets away from Councilor Santoro."
"But," Meredith looked down at JJ and bit her lip, "I don't want to be a bad mother who always puts her kid last. Her breathing is still raspy."
"Meredith, I don't know how to fix the God machine. However, I do know how to take care of babies, something I'm both good at and enjoy doing. Trust me, please."
Closing her eyes, Meredith swallowed painfully. "I know, I do."
She looked down at JJ. Between one second and the next she'd fallen asleep now that her tummy was full. Every few seconds she gave a soft suckle, not for milk but just to soothe herself. Meredith pressed her lips tight and swallowed again, looking at the golden fan of JJ's lashes, the plump curve of her porcelain cheeks, and the arch of her rosy upper lip. JJ had completely unblemished skin—no moles, freckles, or scars. Her daughter was so beautiful. So perfect.
Creamy drool slowly leaked from the corner of JJ's mouth as she snored softly. Meredith's heart hurt. "I'm being illogical and silly. Of course it makes sense for you to watch JJ while I work. The air is bad for her down here and I need to focus. The sooner I fix the machine, the sooner the two of us get back to Earth." Meredith drew in a bracing breath. "Let me give you the baby wrap and then I'll pass her over."
"Thank you for your trust, Meredith, and don't worry about us. We'll be fine. You just focus on what you need to do."
It was only the work of a moment before the sling and sleeping JJ were transferred to Ava's chest without a fuss. Meredith felt cold and strangely lonely. She ignored it.
"Good luck." Ava kissed Meredith on the cheek and stepped back to leave with both children. Thankfully Lucas hadn't run off while they'd been distracted with JJ.
"Wait!" Meredith remembered what Julian had told her about nominating members on the machine to get program access. "Before Lucas leaves, I need him to give me administrative access on this console since I don't have the gene."
"Gene?" Ava looked at her blankly.
"I'm not a "blessed one,'" Meredith said impatiently with finger quotes. "I need to be nominated as a blessed recorder or I won't be able to change any programs." She looked down at Lucas, who had been stealthily tickling JJ's foot, making her twitch in sleep. "Understand, kid?"
"Um," blinking up at her, Lucas looked between Meredith and his mother's face. "No?"
"I don't want him going into the room if he doesn't have to. It makes the God Machine too excited and leads to Lucas changing things he shouldn't. Besides, I don't like it digging around in his head. Can't we do this from the hall?" Ava asked.
"We can try. Okay Lucas, stand by the alcove and tell the God machine that you want me to be a blessed recorder."
"Huh?" Lucas scuffed his foot across the floor and sucked a finger into his mouth.
Sighing, Meredith rubbed her temple and looked to Ava for help.
Cupping Lucus's face, Ava rubbed his cheek affectionately. "Listen, little songbird. You know how you have to get permission to write with Uncle Julian's special pen?" Lucas nodded. "Can you tell that tickly-singing feeling in your head that Aunt Meredith has permission to write on the machine?"
"Okay." Lucas looked up at Meredith and tugged on her tunic. "Mewith play veggie hockey with Lucas later?"
"Er, sure." Meredith patted his shoulder awkwardly, his words giving her an idea. "And just like I make the rules for veggie hockey when we play, I need to make the rules when I play with the Ancient programs, that tickling-singing feeling you get. Okay? I need to be in charge of rules when I write on the machine."
"Okay!" Lucas gave her a big smile. "Les go!" He tugged on her tunic, leading her back to the alcove strewn with rubble while Ava stayed back with JJ. Ava's mouth looked relaxed, but her eyes were anxious and her shoulders tense as she watched her son approach the room.
Meredith had no idea if this would actually work, but her brilliant intellect was useless if she couldn't access the programs on the machine and she didn't want to have to wait for Julian, who might be just as locked out on the second machine as she probably was. As the only person with the Ancient gene, Lucas had to do this. She held his hand tightly to keep him from tripping over the broken stones on the floor. When he went to jump inside the Ancient lab, she grabbed him around the waist and leaned back. "Let's do it from out here, kiddo."
"But—" He looked at his mother's face and sighed. "Okay." Reaching through the Ancient doorway, he touched the wall with two fingertips and looked up at the ceiling with a wrinkled brow. "Hi, tikwy." The lights in the room brightened. Meredith hoped that was a good sign.
"Let Mewith make the wules an' write stuff, 'kay?" Lucas cocked his head to the side and nodded. "Okay. Bye." He lunged sideways and almost cracked open his skull scrambling back towards his mother.
Wondering how so many children survived to become adults, Meredith scooped him up with a grunt and carried him the rest of the way. He was a lot heavier than a baby. "Here, wait for a minute to let me make sure it worked, alright?"
"Sure," Ava said, ruffling Lucas's dark hair and giving him a hug. "Good job, little songbird."
Turning to Solutus Cantus, Meredith told him, "If this works, I'm going to need to focus."
"I understand." As he inclined his head, the birdcage on his hair finally lost the battle with gravity and clattered to the floor.
Back in the room, Meredith went up to the closest of the three consoles. She tapped at the keyboard but it stayed dark and unresponsive. Stomach dropping, she moved to the next console and tried again with similar results. Meredith held her breath and touched the third console. When the keyboard symbols lit up and the screen came to life with the familiar Observer Report Form, she exhaled with a woosh and braced her hands on the edge of the console, feeling lightheaded.
Having only one responsive console probably wouldn't give her access to the entire database, but something was a whole lot better than the nothing she'd been afraid she'd have to deal with. "It works," she called, not taking her eyes off the information scrolling across the screen.
She distantly heard Ava call goodbye from the hall and wondered if maybe she should kiss JJ one last time before they left.
A few minutes later she had the thought again, but Ava was already gone. Meredith would just kiss JJ twice tonight to make up for it.
The information she was seeing was more comprehensive than that she'd gotten from the machine in the AEC. Excitement mounting, she only had to read for a few minutes before she discovered a way to bring down the shield. Not bothering to wait, she typed in the command and danced from foot to foot as she waited for the program to initialize.
For five whole seconds, it looked like it was really going to be that easy.
Then error codes started popping up on the screen. They were easy to translate because they were universally bad: Error. Program outside parameters. Error. Experiment not finished. Error. Report incomplete. Error. Initiate override. Error. Restrict recorder access to system? Reset permissions? y/n?
"No no no!" Meredith began to hyperventilate as she sorted through the proliferating error messages popping up on the screen and tried to respond to them.
Canceling her initial command, she'd just gotten the last of the error messages to disappear when a diagnostic window popped up without prompting. She couldn't translate all of the Ancient vocabulary, but what she did understand was bad. Very bad. Meredith read it over three times before she had to sit down on the ground and breathe into her hands to try and stop from passing out.
Six hours.
Manudia only had six hours before everything went critical and the ZPM overloaded, causing catastrophic damage to not just the city but the entire planet. At least she didn't have to worry about starving to death anymore, right? Her attempt to laugh emerged as a sob.
It looked like the problems with the ZPM had been accumulating for millennia, but the bomb that had killed most of the Aquila family and damaged the shield room had really put the nail in the coffin. A program had glitched, activating the dormant time dilation device and slaving the two programs together in a way it hadn't been designed to do. The unchanging sky had supposedly been a warning sign, since a report stated that subjects inside time dilations fields were supposed to experience normal diurnal-nocturnal cycles. This had rapidly drained the already low charge on the ZPM. The further damage done to the shield by Santoro and Julian gutting the console had made system errors multiply as the shield switched to drawing power through circuits not meant to handle the load and the time dilation generator started to overheat.
To understand more than that she'd need at least a couple more months of study, if not years or decades. She didn't have that kind of time. Meredith was stuck. She didn't know how to fix this. She didn't have time to track down all of the things going wrong and create some elegant solution, especially with limited access as a stupid "blessed recorder." The time dilation machine, much less the shield, were lightyears beyond her current comprehension. It was impossible.
She was going to die. Her friends were going to die. Her daughter was going to die.
Meredith was useless and all alone.
Throwing back her head, she wept. She wailed. She hit the ground and kicked the console. Snot trickled from her nose and her eyelids became swollen. Her throat and diaphragm hurt. So did her toes. It wasn't pretty. It was loud and messy and painful. She hated feeling this way, hated being weak, hated being a failure despite doing her best. When you tried your best you were supposed to win and save the day, but real life didn't work that way. Sometimes your best just wasn't good enough.
Meredith hated herself. She was going to fail her daughter just like she'd been failed by her own mother, except at least her mom had managed to keep Meredith alive. JJ wouldn't even have that.
Wiping snot on her dusty sleeve and feeling pitiful, she noticed a light flashing on the screen above her. Meredith looked up. Eyes focusing, her breathing hitched. She rose to her knees. The box asking her to record her experimental observations had reappeared, as if she cared about recording anything right now. However, behind that was a new screen of diagnostics and access to a new directory of files.
Roughly drying her face with two swipes, she pushed herself to her feet and returned to work. She might be useless, but she had to keep trying. There was still a chance she'd figure something out and, if not, sometimes pure dumb luck and persistence saved you where intelligence failed.
Swollen eyes itching, she skimmed the new information. There was no elegant solution to be found, but there might be a brute force one. "You're a genius, Mckay. Those smarts have to be good for something. Think. Think!"
Remembering a seed of useful data, Meredith built upon it to start crafting a desperate plan. If she could play the shield program off the time dilation program, drawing energy away from the overheating time dilation device by expanding the already damaged shield to its full extent while contracting down the time field, the resultant batch of errors might confuse the system enough to allow her to slip in a bit of code to redirect both programs into sleep mode and then shut them down for good, stopping the drain on the ZPM so it didn't explode.
Of course, she'd need to do all of that without tripping the militant security meant to prevent her from doing that very thing. She also needed to make sure she didn't overload the already strained circuits and precipitate the very explosion she was trying to prevent.
Sure, something simple like that. No problem. NOT FOR GENIUS RODNEY MEREDITH MCKAY!
Cackling, she ignored the stray tears leaking down her cheeks, not caring if she sounded like a mad scientist as she typed frantically. She'd just thought of another idea to increase the chances of success. In addition to everything else, she'd load the sleep program first in the program queue and then disengage several safety measures to stop preventing and actually force the power to surge, which would overload both machines long enough to get around the anti-tampering software. The sleep program would activate first on reboot, solving all her problems and saving everyone!
At least, everyone but Meredith since the power surge would send electricity arcing through the room, stopping her heart and boiling her beautiful, genius brain.
She thought about waiting for Julian to show up and getting him to do it. He certainly seemed perfectly willing to die for his people. The thought tempted her for fifteen seconds until she realized that Julian wasn't a good enough programmer, nor was he fast enough or smart enough. Her boasting about being the best wasn't just ego; it was fact. The clock was ticking down. No one else on the planet could write multiple complex programs and get them to execute at the precise moment needed before the safety features on the console locked them down—no one but Meredith Mckay.
She braced her hands on the edge of the console. "I don't want to die," she told the empty room. "Please."
Maybe she was underestimating Julian. Except if she had him do it and she was wrong, everyone in Manudia would die. Most of them weren't lives she really cared about, but saving people was the right and moral thing to do. Not saving people would make her a bad guy instead of the hero of her story. She'd also be risking JJ.
No. Everything in Meredith rebelled at the thought of JJ dying. If she could make sure that JJ lived, well, anything was worth that, even dying herself, wasn't it?
"Dr. Mckay?" Looking up, Meredith saw Solutus Cantus hovering in the doorway. He was holding a tray with a mug of water, a covered bowl, and a towel. "Is everything alright? I brought you a snack and a damp towel to wipe off some of the dust." A small bandage was tapped over the wound on his cheek.
Trudging over, Meredith took the tray and plopped it down on the first unresponsive console. Her stomach felt tight but she knew she'd need water and fuel if she was going to get through the next few hours, especially since she'd skipped lunch. "I think I found a solution," she told him hollowly, wiping the damp towel over her face and arms. The bowl was full of porridge, unappetizing but holding the calories her body needed for the upcoming mental sprint. She drank the water and then forced herself to start eating.
"If you have a solution, why do you look so sad?" Solutus Cantus asked gently, leaning against the doorframe and sweeping bits of stone aside with his feet. Absently she noted that he'd changed clothes and found a new birdcage for his head.
"For a last meal, this food really sucks." She'd intended to be stoic and strong like an '80s action hero, but then she saw his compassionate eyes and found herself babbling. "It's going to kill me—the machine, not your food—and I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my daughter behind to be raised by strangers, not that Ava is a stranger or that she's not ten times the mother I'll ever be, but it's just so unfair! I never thought I wanted to be a mother, but now that I am I want to really do it right. I like being a mother. I even value JJ more than I value myself, which would shock you if you knew how unapologetically self-centered I've always been, but if I don't do this, we're all blowing up anyway in six, no, wait—" she looked at her watch "—make that about four hours from now. I never even wanted to be here in the first place; Julian and the council kidnapped me. However, on the bright side, at least I'll go out being useful." He just blinked at her so she repeated herself to make sure he really got it. "I'm going to have to kill myself to save everyone on this planet."
Expression grave, Solutus Cantus touched his fingers to his chest and fluttered them through the air in her direction. "I honor your sacrifice, Matriarch Mckay. Is there anything I can do to ease your path?"
"Make sure JJ's safe and happy," she answered promptly.
"On my honor, along with Ava and Lucas as well. Anything else?"
"Oh, did you mean absolution or confession or whatever? I'm not really religious, though if you do have any pull with a higher power, I won't say no to a miracle."
"We will all pray for you, Matriarch Mckay, both for your success and your survival."
Swallowing the last spoonful of porridge with a grimace, Meredith waved her hand at him. "Sure, I'll take anything that leaves me alive at the end of this. If that means humbling myself and admitting I'm wrong about religion, I am totally okay with that." She picked up the tray and passed it back to him. "Though another snack in a couple of hours would be even more useful, something tastier than this slop. Also something with caffeine or another stimulant. That'd be awesome."
"I will see what I can do." Turning to leave, he paused with his head bowed and face in shadow. "Only four hours? You're sure?" he asked in a low voice.
Tucking her hair back behind her ears, she returned to the working console. "Only if I fail, but I'm a genius. This will work." Bringing up a command window, she began typing, unable to keep from softly admitting, "It should work." She didn't notice when he finally disappeared.