I was cold. Really cold. Or as I just shaking too hard?
My head laid on my arm heavily as I leaned over something foul smelling. It was cutting off circulation but I couldn't lift it no matter how hard I tried.
I was just so cold.
My stomach churned, something was dripping out of my mouth. I opened my eyes just a hair. I shut them again when the light was too much.
Open my eyes, close my eyes. The light was blinding. Fake. Fluorescent. I finally wrenched them open enough to see. The inside of a toilet bowl. My mouth was still dripping.
That was a lot of blood. Oh, that was a lot of blood. I heaved again.
I woke up with a start, nearly falling off of Ruffnut's feet from the spot in front of the hearth she chose to settle down for the night. I couldn't control how badly I was shaking.
What the actual fuck was that. That was terrifying what the hell?! Ruffnut shifted. I tried stilling my breathing, before I woke her up.
"Nrrrng... Whuh..." Shit. Too late. My girl turned as she woke up, trying to stand but then remembering that I was on her legs. She settled for sitting up and pulling me close. "Why're you shaking, girl?" I whined wordlessly and softly. She scratched my ear absentmindedly. She picked me up, supporting me with one arm as I rested over her shoulder as she used the other to push herself off the ground. A more dignified potato-sack carry. Ruffnut toted me back towards the pantry, our usual morning routine. She wordlessly shuffled onehandedly for a substantial amount of dried meat and sykr for herself, and a small clay vessel that had been designated as mine where the Thorstons have haphazardly collected the scrap portions of meals and butcher cuttings. Instead of setting me down so that we could head back and proceed as normal however, she kept walking and carried me outside, through the typical nasty grey Berk weather, around to the psuedo porch I had spent most of my slash wound recovery on.
"What's your plan?" I asked despite knowing I wouldn't get an answer. She sat me down right in the shady spot I liked before hopping up and scootching next to me, setting my jar down and lifting the lid to let me eat. Neither of us said anything as we ate breakfast. I chewed on a broken chunk of a lamb shin as Ruffnut absentmindedly ran her hands over my head.
"What got you so spooked earlier?" She spoke, breaking the silence. I just kept on eating. "If it was the ghosts, I keep telling Ma and 'Tuff that the house is haunted. 'Tuff won't let us get an exorcist 'cause he says he can do it himself. 'Cause he's stupid." She elaborated, wise in her ignorance as usual. I dropped the wet bone in favor of laying my head on her lap. I sighed, letting her try and take me out of the mindset of whatever that dream was. If I tried hard enough I could just forget all of it. Be a dog among dragons and humans. Live a happy, doggy lifestyle. Like nothing was ever wrong.
But things were wrong. Even in this fantasy wannabe-utopia, where the bad things get resolved in a matter of weeks not months, where bad things only happen to the main characters, who then solve them and ignore the mental strain, where they come out on top as heroes. Talk about an underdog story. Ha.
That... Wasn't funny.
"Ruffnut? What are you doing out this early?" I stirred, turning towards the offending voice as Ruffnut hastily swallowed an unladylike amount of food. Walking with Meatlug was Fishlegs, puzzled by the change in our behavior.
"Something scared Pepper awake this morning. It was either ghosts, or we got terrors again." She explained. "Haven't heard the terrors, so i'm pretty sure it's ghosts."
"Right." The boy replied, disbelief evident. He looked at me, still wallowing in my misery. "Doesn't she get like this a lot?"
"Yeah, but... Is it, like, normal for dogs to get all... Sad?" She asked him. He hid his wince behind thoughtful gestures with his hands. Clever, but it still stung that even he knew that I was royally boned. Then again I wasn't exactly hiding it well. Or at all.
"Well, i'm not really certain but, i'm sure that Pepper appreciates you helping her!" He assured, walking up and allowing me to sniff his hand before lying my head back again.
"Woof." I said, whacking Ruffnut's thigh with my tail. Meatlug looked at me funnily.
"Did you just say woof?" She asked.
"Yeah its easier than actually thinking up a reply." I snorted, glancing back up to the humans who had fallen into easier conversation. "Besides, s'not like they'll understand that i'm not actually contributing to the conversation." I joked, rolling to lay on my belly.
"That's genius." Mee buzzed over to sit beside Fishlegs.
"Thanks. So, what brings you two back here this early?" I droned, letting reality pull me out of the fog.
"Fishy helps his mom collect herbs from the woods, since he knows how to identify them." She explained. "I make sure he doesn't get eaten."
"So far so good huh? He'd be totally lost without you!" I laughed. We shared a few more chuckles at the expense of our kids, before the tone darkened again.
"What actually woke you up this morning? I doubt it was ghosts." She prompted suddenly. It might as well had been, but I still hadn't told anyone but Toothless about my weird little origin story.
"It was just a bad dream, a nightmare." I said, drooping a little more. "I'm over it now." I lied.
"What of?" She asked, leaning close. I grimaced. I wanred help, but... Being a reborn human is a little bit of a big deal I think? I didn't want her, or any of tbe others for that matter, finding out. At the very least not when i'm weak like this. I took a deep breath.
"...My past." I admitted, hiding the shake and waver from my voice. Meatlug was about to comment, but I stopped her. "I can't talk about it right now. I don't even remember whatever it was that led up to that dream, or if it even really happened, you know how dreams are, it's just too... Hard. It hurts." I rambled, meeting her eyes. She bumped her nose to mine.
"Pepper, are you sure you'll be okay? We're worried. I'm worried." She pulled away, and I licked her jaw tentatively.
"I know, and i'm sorry. You don't have to worry about me for this. I'll power through, and everything will be okay, alright?" I asked, praying that she'd cave and we could skip the hard conversations. I just wasn't ready yet. I didn't know enough.
"Alright." She accepted my assurances with a short nod.
"Thank you, Mee." I smiled weakly.
"If you need to talk to anyone, i'm here too." She said, standing and gently nudging Fishlegs, who was mid rant about something that Ruffnut wasn't even paying attention to.
"Oh, right! We still have things to do." He startled, patting Meatlug affectionately on the head. "See you later, Ruffnut!" He left, Ruff waving noncommittedly.
"Later." She moved to pet me again, getting lost in thought. "You think he'd notice if I replaced all his herbs with dragon nip, or is that too easy?" She wondered aloud, lifting me and carrying me back inside after gathering the aftermath of breakfast.
"Woof." I started, then thought better. She dignified a real response. Not for any intellectual reasons. Just because she puts up with my bullshit. "You're distracting enough." I reassured her, giving her arm a gentle lick above her bracers.
"Pepper, ew." She laughed, shifting me to get me to stop. I relented, sighing as I watched the world go by from her arms. She set me down and I skittered off to a bowl of admittedly stagnant water that got refilled when I emptied it. I drank slowly, letting my thoughts take me again.
Whatever my past was, it's getting in the way of my future here. I had to get to the bottom of things before ot tore me apart worse than the cats could. I looked up to Ruffnut, who had just thrown a pillow at her brother to get him up and assisting in the shenannigans. I sighed before taking my place at her heel.
If not for myself, then for her.
Author's Note:
Heehahooheehoo gremlin noises gremlin noises ANGST. And worldbuilding but mostly ANGST. Sowwey, Pepper doesn't get closure until somewhere in the late-to-mid setup for the finale. So... Not for a while! She's gonna suffer! And cry about it! Yay!
The chapter's early by like, ten days?! But what's this! Early chapter AND next time's when the real shit starts?! You lucky dogs *audible wink*. School got Thanos snapped for the rest of the year though. Yeah, so... That's why this chapter's early in any case. And also why the rest of them are gonna have a similarly fucked schedule. Whoopsies.
As always I offer you .00000005 cells of my blood in exchange for a review. Totally free except shipping and handling and the promise of coming back sometime next month (Note; due to COVID-19 concerns shipments of bloodcell fractions will be postponed indefinitely. We apologize for the inconvenience).
Online school's a bitch-ass motherfucker. -Carly