Backwards

by Sensational Sista

College/AU. There's an unusual perspective in rowing: To move forward, you have to move backwards. As Anna joins Arendelle University's rowing team and forges an unlikely friendship with the elusive blonde Senior, she realizes her own perspective of life and love is about to be turned around. Elsanna (Rating upped for occasional Adult Themes)

32. 47 point 5 hours

Chapter 32

Anna cracked open her sleep ridden eyes as her morning alarm shouted at her.

Literally.

'Wake up! Wake up now! Get up lazy ass!' Why did she ever think that a personalized alarm audio was a good idea? Learning her phone's recording feature was going to be death on her ears.

She blindly fumbled for the obnoxious device on her dorm room nightstand just as she did every rudely awakened morning. Her arm flopped around, finding nothing but air in her search. The longer she spent groping for the little table, the more the dumb alarm began to increase in loudness. The growing decibels were practically ear-piercing. Gruffly, she pushed her torso up with her forearms. Then, and only then, during her huffed movements, did she suddenly become aware of her surroundings. Much more aware.

She was not in her disheveled dorm room.

She was not wrapped up in her polka-dotted fleece cocoon.

She was not lying on her stiff twin-sized mattress.

And she was certainly not alone.

Her aquamarine eyes were suddenly wide, irises in full contrast as her pupils constricted in the faint light, still more of an onslaught than covered by dark lids of sleep; her brain strikingly awakened as she felt the sluggish squirming of the toned body beneath her.

Haloed by thick white gold, two groggy eyes barely blinked before gently fluttering to life. Abysmal, shadowy azure eyes; the depth of the ocean, so mysterious and longed to be known. Blearily, they began taking in the surroundings much like Anna had done mere seconds earlier. Then, those same beautiful sleep-laden eyes landed on her. Anna swallowed at the sight; emotion suddenly filling her chest, crashing. Thoughts from the previous night immediately came flooding back, saturating all of her mind's functional resources.

The row.

The race.

The storm.

The loft.

Each other..

She hurriedly tried to focus back on the woman laying underneath her.. well, focus on her face because otherwise.. No, no Anna. Don't.. don't you dare look any lower!

"Uh, m-morning," she mumbled with an awkward smile, tilting her head, trying to keep her messy orange mane from obscuring her vision.

Elsa groaned, pale hands flying to her heart-shaped face in annoyance. "What on earth was that god awful sound?" she muttered, barely intelligible in her sleepy voice.

With a small inhale fighting her tightening lungs, Anna chuckled, noticing the alarm must have gone onto automatic snooze by this point. "My alarm. It makes sure I get up in the morning. I need that extra motivation. But at least today I won't be late for practice, since we're already here!" She shrugged her shoulders as she sat herself up more. She watched the blonde pull her hands away from her face and then noticed Elsa's gaze shift down, apparently not having much more natural restraint than Anna's own. But the senior's previously pale cheeks reddened dramatically, head quickly turning away into the couch's padding. Anna cocked her head. "What?"

She trailed her eyes downwards along her own body and her brain started to functionally recall that yes, she, too, was still as bare as when they'd fallen asleep. Damn, had she really been that hyper-fixated on the blonde to have foregone that glaring bit of information? To miss the sensation of soft flesh pressed against her own. Hell, she was very very very, so insanely very, aware of the skin on skin contact now.

She could minutely feel the thick, threaded fabric of the blanket which had long since pooled around her waist, but any attempts at covering her modesty by this point seemed kind of moot. For countless reasons.

With furiously blushing cheeks, Anna tried to carefully pick herself off the blonde athlete's body; ignoring the obviousness of skin, still warmed and thinly bonded from the shared heat, was one of her grandest demonstrations of will. But, of course, in her attempt to be semi graceful with her particular ease, Anna's outer knee slipped from the cushion, toppling her bare body onto the freezing hard wood floor of the Senior Lounge.

Ugh! Owww.. Yikes that hurt way more than her usual tumbles, hand rubbing under her hip; the muscles aching and feeling well bruised already. Tired and spent, soreness surprisingly worse than post-2K performance.

In her heap of awkwardness, Anna partially expected to hear a familiar giggle come from above her. Maybe a comment about her typically clumsy, bumbling nature revealing itself in the most opportune of times. However, she was met with nothing. After a few seconds spent recollecting herself, though barely adjusting to the cooler air around her, she dared a glance up.

Elsa's was sitting up now, clutching the thick blanket up to her chest, attempting to salvage her own decorum well beyond what Anna had felt necessary. But navy blue eyes were steadily staring ahead. Not staring in thought, though. Her expressive eyes were unusually blank, pale brows drawn up; a face Anna had seen once before.. somewhere.. not so shadowed, but bathed under golden illumination of a magical night sky filled with floating dreams. But that expression. Why now?

Anna wanted to say something concerning the older woman's thoughts, question what was suddenly dredging up that particularly pensive look, but her dumb alarm started shouting again.

Ignoring the cold air, she scampered to her feet and ran to where she last left her phone on the TV stand, yanking the clunky device up to silence that horrid noise. She clicked the 'off' button and then noticed a text notification. Recently time-stamped. From Mulan? Why so early..

As she opened it, she sighed heavily. "Indoor practice? Really?" Apparently the storm from yesterday still hadn't let up; the drumming white noise having melted into nothing but a quiet background hum only noticeable with the freshly read message, pattering heavy on the roof. And it did sound substantial, though no slamming gales were barraging the building anymore. They weren't allowed to row even if there was the slightest sign of lightning on the horizon, let alone the unknown aftermath caused by cyclone-like conditions. "Damn. And I was gonna be on time for once!"

Pouting, she looked back in the senior's direction. She could see that Elsa was somehow almost fully dressed in her spare workout clothes, just about to pull her top down over the porcelain flesh of her torso. From her vantage, a dark blemish was noticeable just adjacent to the woman's naval, burned along the crevice of fissuring abdominals that were strikingly noticeable in shadow; a reminder just in case she had any lingering doubt about the previous night's happenings. Sucking a quiet gasp, Anna blushed and blinked away her stupor, realizing how she was perversely gawking while still being wholly in the nude. Hurriedly, she found her underwear and spandex and dressed in further silence.

And boy was that silence thick; growing with every passing minute..

Her teal eyes kept darting over to the blonde. What was causing Elsa to be so quiet? Something wasn't right.

When they were both fully dressed, Anna looked to the blonde expectantly. "So, are we going to catch a cab..?" At the blonde's hesitance, Anna pushed on, beginning to ring her hands in a nervous habit. "Or I could just bike.. I mean it's still out in the racks and all, but, ya know, with the rain.."

That ridiculous suggestion, obvious by a small but incredulous eye roll, finally made the blonde breathe out a 'no'; at least it extracted some verbiage. It was followed by another bout of hesitation before Elsa shrugged her shoulders, dismissing Anna's suggestions, and pulling her phone out of her coat pocket. Elsa began heading down the creaking, wooden stairs, phone already pressed to her ear, beginning a conversation to some unknown entity, keys jingling in her other.

Confused, Anna stared after the blonde who she assumed was heading to the car. There was a pause before Anna huffed a sigh, air blowing the free strands of hair out of her face. Tearing a hairband from her wrist and yanking her hair into a temporary haphazard ponytail, she headed down the steps on the other's heels.

Thunder rolled overhead and there was still the relentless tapping of rain against the windows. It was stupid how this gloomy weather continuously matched the typically exuberant girl's mood. She was over this awful storm. A heavy enough feeling was growing in the well of her gut as her worrisome thoughts from before bed returned. A spell cast, yet destined to dissipate at the stroke of midnight, or by dawn's first light. She suppressed the feeling with all her might, preparing to valiantly put on a face to weather the dreaded storm brewing much closer to her heart.

…

Aside from the incessant echo of heavy rain on the metal roof, the rainy drive had dragged along the thick silence from the boathouse. Well, it was silent for the most part, other than the intermittent stalling groans coming from the front of the small sedan anytime the gas pedal was revved too forcefully.

Thankfully, the Auto Company had been making rounds through the city, addressing other unlucky cars also getting stranded overnight. Elsa's car seemed to run decently after the engine's 12 volt got a good shock. Anna hadn't known much about these mysterious hybrid cars, but Elsa had mumbled a complaint regarding the customer service she'd been receiving from her, quote, 'incompetent mechanic'; something along the lines of 'who in Hell wouldn't double check the batteries' was murmured roughly after the Auto service had left. At the very least, there would to be enough energy to get them the 2 miles back to campus through the torrential downpour.

The early minutes were spent with Anna occupying herself with her braids, sneaking whatever small glances she could toward the driver. Elsa's eyes were hard on the road, definitely more focused than necessary even in the stormy weather. With her braiding task soon finished and nothing to divert her attention, Anna settled to sit with her hands clasped in her lap. The excess energy was so apparent now. She was nervously interlocking and loosening her grip, repeatedly, hands never feeling comfortable no matter how many positions she tried to occupy them in; the actions coinciding with her uncomfortable thoughts, words not finding anything worthy of the term coherency but gnawing to escape regardless.

"Um. Okay. Before this gets awkward.." It was actually Elsa to speak first, breaking silence as they stopped at a red light.

Anna was quick to look at the driver, definitely grateful for the opening prompt, even if short, knowing it was way better than any incoherent train ready to tumble out of her mouth. There was obviously an enormous amount of internal practice to make that statement sound somewhat normal, too. Anna figured she could attribute some of that rehearsal to Elsa's silence; reliant on the ability to pick her words perfectly, rather than fill conversation gaps with flowery filler that may only need to be retracted in the next sentence.

A breath was taken, dark eyes half-lidded. "Let's get this out of the way now. Last night.. I'm sorry. I acted inappropriately and shouldn't have let that happen," the blonde said with an attempted nonchalant tone, yet her flexing knuckles that gripped at the steering wheel with evident anxiety easily gave away that façade.

The redhead raised an eyebrow, more so skeptical as to why this was the conclusion Elsa had come to on how to address their situation. She wet her lips before asking, "'Shouldn't' meaning the teammate thing? Or meaning that you didn't want to?" Anna seriously did not realize how amused she'd get just by watching Elsa open her mouth to respond, blush furiously, only to abruptly snap it shut the second she thought harder about Anna's question. The young girl folded her arms, spinning herself sideways on the leather seat, shoulders against the door while now facing the driver. "So which is it?" she asked again with a challenging smirk. There was a power shift and both girls were quite aware of it.

Elsa had an answer; knew her answer. Anna also knew it. But, by the look striking her eye, said answer was not exactly something Elsa wanted to deal with. Feelings were the stoic student's no fly zone. No excuse. Both women knew that too.

A tiny scoff fell past red lips, head shaking. "I was stupid and impulsive. And I will take full responsibility for this. All of it." Blue eyes blinked a bit, heavily.

There was a non-appreciative grunt at the evasive answer. "Uh, pretty sure I get a say in all of this too? I mean, especially the latter part of the night. Like, seriously."

Elsa let out a sigh, quiet, one hand distractedly rising to swipe an invisible flaxen strand behind her ear. "Anna." Her voice had drastically softened from the previous statements. "We never should have let feelings get involved, we both know that. We've already been here before." Her chin tipped down, unpainted lids covering her eyes a bit more. "I should have kept to myself. Then you wouldn't be placed in this situation."

Although her words continued to brazenly push forward in Elsa's choice direction, Anna was not about to have any of this Conceal Don't Feel bullshit again. New tactic. "So, with your dodging of my original question, what you're implying is that you didn't want to sleep with me then." Smirk once again falling into a challenging glower, she watched the blonde's side profile flinch, almost suspicious. Elsa was obviously not expecting the declarative. And it was perfect. "Or, maybe I was just so horribly awful you're politely trying to save me the embarrassment." She turned her head away, pointing her nose up in a defiant display. She waited a few patient seconds, hoping Elsa would take the bait.

"H-Huh?! It's not that at all!" Elsa said in a hurry, immediately facing the freshman with an incredulous expression. Bait. Line. And sinker. All her Psychology courses were paying off.

"Hmph. Could have fooled me with this attitude," Anna flippantly said.

Elsa worried her brow, bringing her eyes back in front of her. "That's obviously not it. You were.." She chewed her lip, cobalt eyes falling to her lap as they stopped at another red light. ".. you were amazing.." Anna gave a side glance, noticing the hot, florescent pink hue alight on the woman's pale cheeks. She slowly brought her head forward again toward the blonde. She took a healthy second to enjoy the warmth radiating off the woman's face.

"Well.. You were, too. Like, so great," she offered in a softer, shy tone, enjoying watching the redness encroach on Elsa's ears. She mulled Elsa's words around in her head again. It made her blush as well; smile blooming on her lips despite herself. "Did.. did you really think I was amazing?" she asked quietly, a little unsure. Okay, Anna didn't pride herself on her limited humbleness; she did love praise. Her old coxswain cockiness was coming through. Just a tad.

The blonde seemed to sink back into her seat when she pressed on the gas pedal, trying to melt away; vanish within the leather lining to escape the question. Still, she delicately nodded.

Anna beamed, large and goofy with a little shake of her shoulders. "That's the first time I've actually been told that, although not like I've been with a lot," Anna initially gushed, before muttering the last part more bashfully. Pssh, a collective total of two. 50/50. Terrible statistical comparison. She wanted to cover the rambles, quickly choosing to add, "B-but I bet you've heard it tons of times!" She watched the blonde diffidently shake her head 'no', still trying to become one with her seat in humiliation. At that behavior, Anna laughed, enjoying the lightness of this part of the discussion, glad she could break away Elsa's stony mantra with a few little psychological tricks. "Well, then they didn't appreciate absolute amazingness."

Elsa was silent for a long moment, mouth opening and closing. Opening. Closing. Nearly 30 seconds had passed when she finally spoke. "There.. isn't a 'they', you know."

Narrowing her aqua eyes at the awkward response, Anna was reminded, only then, of that conflicting and glaringly obvious detail tied into Elsa's past. Fuck. That's right. Elsa's only relationship was with Belle. That'd been for over 2 years. And Elsa wasn't exactly the social type before, or after, the relationship.. That was apparent. Anna forced a smile, not sure if it was apologetic or an uncontrolled grimace, putting a hand on the blonde's shoulder.

"Well, then Belle had no appreciation of true amazingness!" she chirped in correction, trying to ignore it when Elsa flinched at the name. Admittedly, she tried to stop her own cringe when saying the name, too. Bringing up the all-star brunette beauty wasn't one of her favorite things to do, ever, and it always left a mix of ugly feelings inside her; the most prominent one being of an irrationally jealous nature. Maybe her smile was a grimace after all. "She was lucky to be with you," she finally managed to say following a brief pause, softly, hand trailing away from its touch.

The car pulled into the campus parking lot a few seconds after, already starting to sputter much too loudly for a silent Hybrid. Daring whether or not to shut off the slowly dying car, Elsa turned off the engine and sat quietly for a moment.

"Lucky.." she repeated in a low voice, this time preoccupied with the word; a pensive reflection.

Anna shifted, noticing the unease. "Yeah.. er, I mean I sorta feel bad I didn't have the same level experience that you did with all of.. of this," she admitted uncomfortably. Her hands came together in her lap, shuffling her palms roughly for the second time that car ride. "Where you're probably God tier, as always, I'm basically.. just a novice."

Elsa let out a hoarse chuckle at Anna's half crew joke/half knock at their experience level (and its cleverness definitely deserved some acknowledging laugh), but she just shook her head. "No, we're pretty much on the same 'level of experience', Anna."

Two teal orbs dumbly stared at the blonde. Elsa slowly brought her eyes back up to meet Anna's perplexed look. Gazing into the opposite woman's eyes, seeing the anxiety present, Anna pieced Elsa's words together. Sort of.. But, no. No. She couldn't possibly mean..

"Wait what?" Smooth Anna. Elsa let out a long breath while covering her face with her hands, giving the redhead time to process the information herself. "So does this mean.. I mean, I wasn't.. was I..?" She blinked. Her reverse Psychology plot did not foresee this revelation of Elsa's history.

Elsa made a face. "Belle and I.. It only happened once.. k-kind of.."

Anna's eyes widened in confusion. "But.. You dated her for like 2 and a half years!" And what the Hell did 'kind of' even mean?

Elsa gave a rueful smile and a dark laugh. "We did. I told you we were rather unconventional."

"But.. but only once?" She sucked the air through her teeth as she stopped her gaping surprise, realizing that she was severely jumping to conclusions, if not also mildly pleased to learn this information. "S-sorry. Wow. It's just.. with the world we live in nowadays.. I mean, not that it's bad!" Anna found herself stumbling over her words now. "I mean, like, I'm sure you waited for a special moment so it was the best thing you ever experienced and all." Her tightening voice was not helping here. These words tasted disgusting in her mouth and she low-key hoped Elsa did not revere her time with Belle as anything remotely close to 'the best' anything.

The Senior made a half-hearted attempt to chuckle at the irony, but it was more of a rueful exhale. "Eh.. It happened the night before everything went down last summer.. Given what it precedes, it's not exactly tucked away with my favored memories." Her ruby lips were drawn tight between her teeth as she lightly shook her head.

The weak and awkward 'oh' hung on Anna's rounding lips, but didn't get a chance to enter the sound space as Elsa pushed forward, figurative foot abruptly coming down with her next words; slamming this diverted conversation to a halt as she so often did when her Ex came up.

Her previously sullen voice became rougher, squeezed; fists forming where they rested on her thighs. "Regardless.. that is in the past. What matters is now." With a fleeting side glance, she acknowledged the still resting curious face. "I don't want last night to come between us, especially if we're training for National's." Her eyes were suddenly closed tight. "Please, let it be our secret."

Eyes rising from inspecting those white knuckled fists, Anna looked swiftly to the blonde woman's face, confused to hear the new plea stemming out of dredged up disdaining memories. Her stomach began to twist as she digested the words, not leaving her with a pleasant feeling. She stared at the older woman whose eyes slowly reopened, directed toward the dash. With the car off and parked, the pounding of the rain was deafening. Anna took a deep breath through her nose.

Come between us? "Why does it have to..?" Her brain was beginning to wrack itself for meaning, more so in a state of disbelief that, after everything, every-freaking-thing, Elsa was still so intent on keeping her out. Away. Again. She felt almost dizzy finding herself here once more. "S-so, what..?" It felt like she wanted to laugh, but the sinking sensation in her gut wouldn't allow it. "Are we just gonna label this another mistake, too?" Her tone was in a minor key, her previous managed amusement struggling against the brick wall defense erected before her.

Elsa frowned, but said nothing else; hands moving, now shoved into her coat pockets with a hard gaze on the wheel.

The tanned lids of cyan eyes lowered over speckled cheeks. She pulled her lips tight, inner cheek drawn into a bite as she felt her jaw tremble. She knew hurdles came with any form of relationship, trials and tribulations that needed to be overcome, but how many times was she going to have to repeat this obstacle? Again. Again. Again. What was the reason? What could prevent someone from reaching a solution after so long, unless the purpose, the reason to fight, never existed in the first place..

Her jaw released the tension, muscles moving unbeknownst to her. "Was this just a game to you.. you and me." Doubtful thoughts accidentally spilled without restraint, but it felt better than containing them for once.

She had been staring down to her worrying hands, easily missing the immediate disbelieving stare directed her way.

"Wh-what? No! No it's not like that!"

There was just a tired scoff, not really caring to add filter to her feelings in the moment. "Everything is about competition to you. It's what everyone always told me." Her lips puckered in a scowl, annoyance rising, irritation grated through the exchange. "Was that why you shut me out after that race?"

Anna knew that Elsa was watching her keenly, could feel it, but Anna refused to make eye contact.

Her brain's chatter was growing in intensity. She could almost hear the whirs of self-doubt start spinning inside her head the more heated she got, the more yielding her tongue became; grinding gears of suspicion. Irrational, yes. But unheard of? It wouldn't be like this was the first time something along these lines went down, and she had no qualms about speaking it, no matter how intrusive her subconscious was becoming in her frustrated state.

"Was it all lies? About how you were used, and not vice versa?" Like what everyone else had told me, too..

The normally collected tone was sharp, pulled taut in frequency; confusion, incredulous. "Never! I've only ever told you the truth, especially about what happened!" Her head tilted, body leaning slightly toward the front divide, eyes darting over the forlorn freckled face.

The rebuttal only grazed listening ears, mind preoccupied with events of the recent past; episodes playing out, conversations and conclusions, heart striking cliff-hangers always left unanswered. "It may be truths that you've said, but omissions are just as bad as lies, Elsa." A staccato inhale, the shuddering pitch, voice trembling a single vowel, only made her shake her head. "The coincidence is so strong; what you just said about you and Belle, then the fall-out.. was it a self-sabotage of your relationship all along? Was it out of guilt?" Anna blinked, gritting her teeth, fists squeezing as she let herself fall into a category comparison that she loathed. "I was just another person to fill that spot, and now you feel guilty for letting the same thing happen again. Is that it?"

The tight gasp was poignant and echoed in the otherwise still car, enough noise to at last bring Anna's eyes up a bit. "What- H-how could you even think that Anna?!" Her voice was strangled in shock at the accumulating accusations, irises having receded leaving dark pupils wide and void.

Anna wasn't having that though; her heart already constricting at the mere thought, to have been used, to have been misled, even if unconsciously, and it was aching so badly at that point that nothing could alleviate it. No words. No expression. Just space. Her hand flew to the door handle in a swift motion, pushing it open against the wind, and hurrying to step out.

A force enclosing around her bicep jarringly halted her movements.

She refused to look back even as Elsa's voice spoke in a pleading manner "Please stop! Stop this. Anna, believe me, I could never, ever-!" Her voice faltered, a strident hitch piercing, as if she couldn't find the words she desperately sought for in that moment; sounds strained and stuck in her throat. Anna didn't blame her, though the small pause in itself was enough to enlighten her on Elsa's internal conflict. She knew Elsa was too methodical to demonstrate such word finding troubles. Unless she was fighting against her emotions. This topic couldn't be handled too fast and recklessly, but that made it all the more difficult to articulate. Unfortunately, the time for even the most organized prose had passed.

As the tension in the older girl's face only waned, the younger woman just shook her head. "I won't let this come between our training if that's what you're worried about." Her voice was unusually flat, like a foreign language to her typical cheerful fluency. "I don't like secrets, so let's just forget it all. That's what you'd always wanted, wasn't it?"

She moved to leave the car again, arm yanking away, this time not meeting any resistance.

Without looking back, she exited the vehicle and began a long walk in the direction of the residential Medical Center, alone, pulling her hood up against the wind and persistent rain. It didn't really matter to her. The windy weather was not nearly as bone chilling as the river's water had been, but she already felt utterly numb; only frigid ache resonating from her fracturing heart.

If only her mind would stop hopelessly pretending like she actually heard a tight whisper of "But I don't want to forget" before the door had slammed in a booming finality.

…

It was always a rarity when she found herself as first anywhere, consciousness never able to rid the oddity of such a novel feeling, and when she walked through the recently opened Medical Office exactly on the hour, the nursing staff all gave her surprised looks over their coffee mugs. She had to force a grin when she got ushered into an exam room, formulating some concocted story with as minimal elaboration as possible regarding the other day's river event; she summarized it with being stuck after the travel ban, which was why she was only seeking medical attention so delayed.

After getting a generic lecture on safety and trying harder to seek medical help in a timelier manner from the nurse (as well as the Sports Medicine therapist asking about her newly recovered knee), Anna was given the 'all clear' in the general physical assessment. With it being a relatively hot stop in the infirmary, Anna was free to go about her day, and, without practice, she almost felt unhinged. What was she supposed to do with all this free time so early?

Checking her watch, she unhappily noted that the Dining Hall didn't open for another 20 minutes.

With an eye on the downpour coming down outside of the medical building, she weighed the pros and cons of sprinting across the residential campus to her dorm or to just run toward the Athletics Center only two doors up the side walk. It was barely a choice.

Not even 45 seconds later, she came charging in through the double gym doors. Squeezing some of the rain water from her orange braids, she rolled her eyes at the glaring front desk attendants. Waving her ID-badge and tapping in appropriately, she gave a smug smile. Man, when she wasn't in a rush, she was such a good student.

Out of habit, she turned toward the stairs leading down to the Rowing team's lair. She wouldn't be doing anything strenuous. Her whole body felt like it had been hit by a truck, delayed onset muscle soreness the real deal. By now, she was positive it was arguably on par with the aftermath of an Erg test. But she could wait with her friends and offer some of her coxswain cheer to the other athletes.

Just before she could enter the stairwell, she noticed a sliver of light coming from the end of the otherwise dark coaching hallway, all the other coaches either in off-season or already with their respective teams for practice. But it was the last door that was creaked open. Coach Oaken's office. He was always down in the Erg Room when they did indoor practice, though.

Distracted by the unusualness, having nothing else to do, and weak to her curiosity's urges, she chose to walk down the hall; the dark purple and green painted walls almost ominous in shadow, but the glinting of her coach's name plate offered a star in the night. By that point, she had been making out some talking voices coming from the room. Two voices that were way too easily distinguishable for her; the incredibly thick northern Norwegian accent learned through grueling crew practices, and the other reserved and soft, learned from building friendship and familiarity.

Realizing the identities, she hesitated for a moment, swallowing thickly, wondering if this was really something she wanted to continue spying on. As the man's rumbling voice picked up, dwarfing the amount she heard coming from the woman, Anna blinked, firming up her expression. Carefully, she pressed herself along the wall, peeking inside the ajar door, curiosity now through the roof; concern lining the inquisitive impulse although not forwardly acknowledged.

She could see the blonde senior, seated in one of the guest chairs, shoulders squared and tall but body language looking no more giving than normal. It was the first clear words following her initial inspection that made Anna hold her breath.

"..Elsa, I'm so disappointed in you." The usually deep but good-natured timbre was filled with dismay way too uncharacteristic of their varsity coach. "To see my top rower do something so.. irresponsible." His voice ended with a sigh, collecting himself. Anna watched as beautiful navy eyes began to lower, weighted beneath the undesirable description. "You know the importance of always letting a coach know your whereabouts on the water.. especially when using university equipment!"

Although those firm shoulders stayed tall, exuding professional bravery under the admonishing comments, the dark blue gaze remained cast so far down to the carpeted floor. A tiny nod, so restrained, so absent. "Yes, sir."

Anna stirred at the words, the tone; a flash reminder to the night she had accidentally overheard a not-so-pleasant family phone call. She understood how much pain was living within that voice as the strong willed rower was forced into a place of submission despite not deserving such. Not deserving that weak feeling from whatever her father's phone call had contained, and definitely not now. A queen wasn't supposed to take that knee.

A burst of energy shot through her limbs and without a second's thought, the redhead had pushed the door open into the room, sharp interruption of "Hey!" practically dying halfway through her outburst as the automatic reaction caught up with her.

Two sets of surprised eyes (one set definitely more annoyed and shocked than the other) landed on her.

"Anna?" asked their coach in question.

Anna hurriedly collected her body to stand in a more proper stance (proper for her, at least). "Er, I.. I was coming to talk to you.. and I just, well, I could hear in the hall, totally not on purpose, of course!" The two occupants continued to stare at her and Anna backtracked on her ramble. "I mean, I wanted to tell you that.." She looked at the seated woman for a short second, not missing the daring look being sent her way. Elsa didn't want her saying anything, but as with any dare, Anna wasn't going to just let it go so easily. She looked back to the burly man. "I was with Elsa last night."

Fuck, well I really could have worded that better.. She fought off a warmth heading to her cheeks at her stupid Freudian Slip. Yeah, definitely refusing all eye-contact with Elsa now.

But Coach Oaken, as with any other, was well unaware of any of the evening's aftermath, thankfully.

"Yes, I know. Elsa was just explaining the situation."

"Right.." Anna blinked, but shook her head. "I mean, no. It's my fault that everything happened. Not hers."

A low hiss containing her name, whispered and warning, came from behind her.

However, there was little to stop the barrage of words falling from the redhead's mouth. "Elsa told me to text you when we were going, and I totally forgot. She made sure all of our equipment was ready to go. And then when it got dark, she told us to go back, but I made us stay out later and then the storm came in," her breath heaved in a rush. "Don't be upset at her, 'cuz she did everything right!" she said heartedly on a fresh breath, motioning her arm in Elsa's direction. "I messed up. I'm so sorry.."

She watched the bearded man eye her, before he motioned for her to take the empty chair beside the senior. Shrinking her shoulders, Anna slunk as quickly as she could into the soft seat, airing just a smidgen of berth between their seated bodies.

Their varsity coach leaned back in his chair. "I can see the dual responsibility that both of you want to take in this situation. I appreciate your honesty in the matter Anna, although with Elsa's status, being the one training with you, she should have been more watchful and responsible of your actions."

Although unconscious of it, Anna's fist clenched. She hated hearing this reinforcement; how Elsa always had to take responsibility because of her status, no matter what it was regarding. She was always being burdened with it, and Anna knew this since she's frustratingly heard it enough times from the blonde. Dammit, why did others have to constantly put it on Elsa? Age and experience aside, Anna could handle this stuff too! She wanted to share that responsibility, to prove her maturity, to be seen as an equal to Elsa on all levels, not just as fucking rowing teammates. In the end, she bit her tongue, knowing it was not the time to speak out. She just desperately prayed that Elsa wasn't going to take on the label too resoundingly.

"Now," he continued, leaning forward onto the large desk. "The biggest issue now is that we can't just eat the cost of the boat. The boat was $10,000.."

Anna gulped hearing the price tag, feeling her face become drained. Holy shit.. She hadn't even begun to consider the fact that Kjekk had been a relatively new addition to the team's fleet; consider the repercussions of what such a loss would contain. Her hands were clasped together and beginning to feel a clammy sweat breaking out within them, fearfully dreading the coming discussion. Yet she knew exactly that whatever punishment was to come was deserved.

"It hurts me to say this, but we're going to need to figure out a means of payment." He sighed, obviously unhappy with the direction he was forced to pursue. Both women could easily feel the group's unanimous sensation of remorse hanging in the air.

Anna dropped her head to nod, ignoring the ever grating subordinate phrase coming from her side: "Yes sir."

"Somehow we'll have to figure out a loan plan of some sort," he said, gently rubbing his newly trimmed beard, icy blue eyes searching for a moment before falling on his rowers once more. "I'll help where I can, too, to try to lessen the burden." What? Anna's head shot up in surprise at that, seeing the caring features she normally associated with their coach. His ever giving nature. "I'll figure out a means to explain the situation to the faculty, so at least don't stress about that part, ya?"

Her throat felt tight. Wow, for her ungodly massive mess up, she seriously didn't earn one ounce of this man's generosity. She nodded her head again, more eagerly this time, peripherally detecting Elsa do the exact same; head bowed so submissively deep, blue eyes noticeably wider with her own surprise at the altruistic assist. Anna allowed herself to indulge in the slightest, taking more of a side glance than necessary, watching the beautiful profile, jaw muscles tensing in and out, brows quivering, causing the older rower's expression to contain an indiscernible concoction of emotions.

She couldn't even begin to imagine how Elsa must feel maneuvering through this mire, more and more weight being placed onto her shoulders the further they progressed, only sinking deeper into a desolate slough of subjection. The prestigious athlete had already lost her own boat in this situation, her own massively expensive top of the line brand-named racing shell. Elsa told her last night, after the younger woman's absolutely pathetic groveling apologies over the loss of the Nokk, that she could never hate her. But Anna still wondered if there would ever come something, that breaking point, the final straw to break the proverbial camel's back; how far did Elsa's leniency go? It would wind up with her holding debt, no doubt. Debt which she already knew Elsa had found herself committed to countless amounts of times, only finally allowed to pull herself back out of the red following her most recent car payment.

Debt that Anna knew wasn't always in the form of a financial drain, either.. The kind Elsa chose to bare solely, for whatever martyring reason, never sharing with anyone no matter how much they wanted and pleaded to help carry. It actually scared Anna, seeing everything unfolding now. That breaking point should have already been reached many times over. So what's been happening this whole time, her debt to the champion rower was being dismissed, taken onto pale shoulders without handing over any trust for Anna's support.

A spark popped in her stomach. The morose feeling of déjà vu, getting pushed aside, dismissed for caring, was piercing; nauseating.

Coach Oaken mentioned that he'd email them with a detailed plan, but anything else he'd said wasn't even heard; the reminiscing sensations of longing and pain too loud. Eventually, he excused himself to go talk with Coach Wesselton about the events, permitting his rowers their freedom.

The two girls were left sitting in the stuffy office. The very second the door hinged over and the man was out of sight, the fiery haired girl spun in her chair and glared at the seated Senior who was anything but willing to make eye-contact. The spark was burning up inside of her by this point; surprisingly having been allowed the past hours to fester rather than fizzle. Emotions of two farthest ends of the spectrum meeting in the middle with explosive intensity.

"You were seriously going to take the fall for all of this alone, weren't you?" she asked with a heavy sarcasm, annoyance bubbling from this morning reawakened by the wave of excessive worry smashing into her. Although hurting with concern, its manifestation was going to be anything but calm.

The other simply shrugged. "I told you in the car that I would handle everything."

A huff. "That's just stupid."

The beautiful blonde lulled her head to the side, eyes still not making contact. "Well, what else was I supposed to do, Anna?" It was near laughable at how honest that question was, sounding at a loss, like she had no other option. It was funny because Elsa was damn smart. Had an absolutely brilliant mind; there was no way that she hadn't considered involving Anna in this talk and what that could entail.

Highly unsatisfied with the response, Anna raised her arms, eyes rolling toward the ceiling in exasperation. Her voiced followed the dramatic tone edging her mood. "Oh I dunno, grow a spine and say exactly what I just did?" She pushed herself up, looking down to the reclusive woman, hating the expansive distance that had grown between them in the mere span of daylight hours. "Were you even going to tell me about the money issue if I hadn't come in?" The sentence held the implicated act, Elsa's constant evasive omissions, and both women shied away from its full acknowledgement.

Elsa still wasn't looking at her, arms folded as she turned her head to fully face the wall, legs crossed; the epitome of closed off. Locked tight. No key in sight. "Get to class, Anna."

Fuming hotly at the frosty shoulder that she was yet again being forced to endure, as well as at the indirect admission to not even consider her feelings in the matter, to dismiss Anna's ability to take responsibility and relieve any burden placed on the stubborn but weary woman's shoulders, Anna turned sharply, storming out of the small office, barely missing grazing an innocent bystander's body by an inch and offering a weak apology before stumbling out of the Athletics' Center.

…

Anna flopped down into the hard, wooden bench outside of the library, backpack falling to her feet, one arm crossing over her mid-section, the other crooked over her eyes blocking out the ceiling's florescent rays.

She had been so irritated sitting through her morning class, and not only because of recent events; having to deal with Rapunzel sliding so many torn notes, nosily questioning everything that could possibly be on the redhead's mind.. Just the anticipation of any conversation on the subject was unknowingly adding salt to a wound. The young brunette's topic selections were nowhere near anything accurate, until her final pass: 'tall blonde and beautiful?'

Anna had just wanted to sigh, and, even if she felt almost numb, she is pretty sure she must have done so because Rapunzel dropped the prying behavior immediately. Her peppy childhood friend even seemed relatively careful while pushing Anna with conversation as they packed up; the two chatty girls leaving the lecture hall wordlessly in all its unfamiliarity. Although not wanting to admit it, Anna was actually grateful when Rapunzel left her with an understanding smile and a gentle wave before heading to her next class.

Grabbing a sandwich in passing, the red haired student had gone to get some distracting work done (more commonly known as actually studying for her Language Mode). Immersion in her foregone studies was the best thing to take her heated mind off of other things. Honestly, it had worked almost too well, hours and hours flying by faster than any ever before to the point that 6pm was right around the corner. She had been preparing to grab her stuff for her nightly Polish class, but one final glance at her email revealed something normally amazing. Class had been canceled; Professor Pabbie stating he would be sending out homework and material for next week's quiz.

Ugh. Great. Achingly stiff joints from hours of sitting, nose tucked in a book, brain practically thinking in the Slavic language; all that time and effort that could have gone to blanking out to Netlfix in her dorm room, wasted on education.

Thus her zombie-like wandering body had packed up and found its current home on the uncomfortable bench where she lay in a pained vexation.

Regardless of her mental fatigue from studying, Anna could admit that the dull and low stimulating activity had been good to alleviate her some of her stress. It left her feeling more sensations of loss rather, and she really wasn't sure if that was better than the enraged annoyance or not.

"Anna?"

She blinked rapidly at the voice, opening her eyes to a face staring over her, upside down with a curious head tilt. "Olaf!"

"Whatcha doin'?" he asked with a sing-song bounce in his intonation.

Anna couldn't help as a smile came to her face, lopsided grin forming as she spoke. "Just layin' around."

Her peer nodded. "That's pretty apparent. Want company?"

Typical, friendly Olaf. Anna watched his curious dark eyes before relaxing her body, nodding as she moved to sit up and share some room on the seat. She patted it playfully as Olaf giggled, parking himself quickly and dropping his own bag beside Anna's.

"You're here late," Anna commented, taking a brief glance to the wall clock while the coxswain adjusted himself with a little squirm; his short legs were left dangling at the bench's height.

He nodded and motioned down the hall leading to some empty classrooms. "I have a group project, but when I got to the room, my partner hadn't showed up." He looked at his watch. "Though, I can't remember if she said 5, or 6, or 7. So, I'm just gonna check each time slot."

Anna tilted her head, mildly concerned that the bucktoothed boy was happily grinning, proud at his means to best problem solve the situation. But who was she to burst his bubble? She leaned back into the seat, engaging her ever easygoing teammate.

"What class is it for?"

"It's Marine Bio," he said, pulling a few pages out of his backpack and leaning them toward the ginger haired girl, "Really fun! Look, this is our topic." The two looked over his printed pictures of clown fish. "We picked Prof. Marlin's favorite species. Samantha suggested it.." He stopped looking pensive and confused. "Wait, I don't even know a Samantha.. Oh no, I don't remember my partner's name!"

The freckled teen just watched the boy have a momentary look of crisis before he devolved into a hearty laugh at the silly error. The light-hearted merriment of his always positive voice brought a laugh to Anna's lips and, damn, it felt so good to just let go for a bit.

"I'm so happy you stopped by," she confessed a short while later, after they had spent a little time playing a name guessing game. The dark haired boy looked up to the taller coxswain-rower, picking up on something in her undertone. "I guess I sorta needed the company more than I realized."

He blinked, turning in his spot a bit toward Anna. "Why?"

She shrugged, lips pulled down slightly on one side, already missing the carefree smile. She thought about her situation for the first time since entering the library, noticing that yes, the break seemed to level off some of her reasoning abilities; calmer and more rationale, more control to see the situation. That was the nice difference. Glancing at the expectant boy, she picked the easiest description. "I.. I think I'm kinda.. I just got in a fight with Elsa." Could she even describe it as a fight, and a new one at that, or just deeply rooted unresolved differences that they'd be skittering around with a false sense of normalcy this entire time?

"Why?" was the immediate following question, wide eyed interest evident in those coal-like spheres.

Anna sat forward, hands clasping together. "We had a disagreement after we'd shared a lot of, um, girl talk stuff.."

"Why?"

Her eyes slid shut, sifting through the simplest means to explain everything, and especially simplify the tangled web of Elsa's behavior. "Because, she didn't want to be open with me about herself, or what she thought of the girl talk stuff, the real important girl talk stuff..! And-and, now I don't even know if she's ever going to."

"Why?"

"Olaf.." she eased with warning, cocking an auburn brow with a dull side glance. He seemed to back off from the pestering question and begin to process what had been shared. Anna leaned her head to the side, dragging her eyes slowly along the tile floor before letting them lazily stare at the wall across from them. It wasn't like his questions were unwarranted. She only wished that it was easier to talk about. "Regardless of what was said, or not said, she's just made me very, very.." Her lips scrunched as she shook her head, fighting what she never liked to confess, yet felt burning inside of her chest. She tried to stifle a groan in her throat, but failed.

"Wait, you're angry?"

Teal eyes blinked, face relaxing as she faced the boy. His innocent expression stared up at her. Anna swallowed, slouching a bit into the bench, scratching the back of her neck. "Y-yeah.." she mumbled out, knowing it was pointless to deny it. Even her talk with Kristoff didn't make her feel this heavy; absolutely drained over the subject matter.

And she was mad. But it was more than just the feeling (which she already hated experiencing). Elsa had definitely made her mad before, but that happens. Anger's a feeling. Though this time, it was more that she was actually angry at Elsa. That particular aspect attached a touch of remorse; people got upset and could make each other get angry, but how could Anna be directing it at her? Elsa really wasn't acting any different than usual.

Perhaps that lack of change was the reason? All this time, after everything they'd been through, the highs and lows, breakthroughs and set-backs alike, every time, Elsa pulled herself away; inadvertently pushing Anna away. Every. Single. Time. This unending tug-of-war was what was draining. That behavior, that all too familiar behavior, was what had cracked her unyielding gung-ho spirits, leaving them crumbling in pieces like this. Just so tired. And it was solely Elsa's doing.

"She pushed me away.. again. I feel bad, but.." Her tongue darted out to lick her lips before collecting it between her teeth. "I don't even know what's real.. if everything's all just been a.." The word couldn't make it. Saying it out loud this morning had been hard enough.

There was a pause following the unspoken concern, both students letting it settle as the evening halls echoed with a few passing footsteps.

"You have every right to be mad at her," Olaf sad softly, his eyes on his sneakers; heels of his short legs barely scuffing the floor. His little voice was unfitting for the mature words presented, but it was still effective. Anna let herself slump forward, mimicking his same body positioning.

She only nodded in the end, knowing the boy was right, but not enjoying the situation at all.

"Have you talked to her about it?"

Anna sighed. Oh Olaf, if you only knew.. "I've tried, a lot, for a long time, but any time I feel hopeful, she just shoots me down. I thought I knew her better than anyone, but do I..? Honestly, does it even matter anymore?" She let her breath softly trail off. Everything felt so pointless now. After all the hiding away. The constant pushing back. Had the pulling only ever been Anna's doing, or had their connections been like planned obsolescence? If there was never anything mutual, if there was never honesty, trust, what did they have?

What would her love mean if a lie was actually truth?

The other freshman patted her shoulder. "Everything matters when it comes to someone you care about. I know you'll figure it out, whatever 'it' is," he said with a high-spirited confidence so completely opposite to what Anna was feeling inside. He turned to look at his fellow Freshman. "You guys are too close to let a door just close on your friendship."

A blush warmed her cheeks, though she was sure Olaf would never be able to label it in reaction to his description of their relationship; the lines of mere friendship having long since been obliterated. But Olaf made a point, whether she wanted to agree or not.

She couldn't just let everything fall apart between them without some sort of finite discussion. After last night, especially.. The only questions were how.. and would she be able to handle the (more likely than not) fall-out? To find a path to comfortable closure that she really did not want to take. Who knew that this was another moment where being brave would come up in her life again. And to only be honest in her heart, she was scared to death to approach it.

"Thanks for that," she conceded, giving a smile to her young friend (not like she could help it, it was little Olaf after all).

He grinned, happy to be of advice giving service. "Other than the gloomy stuff, is there anything that's new and exciting in life?" he asked with exuberance, not necessarily purposefully changing the subject, but seeming naturally drawn to happier atmospheres.

Oh there was quite a lot that fit that criteria, but Anna could only oblige as best that she could.

"Well, my courses are going better this semester since I'm doing pretty neat Psych stuff," she said, suddenly breaking into a laugh. "Even if I've delinquently skipped some recently." The pale coxswain looked aghast at hearing such misconduct coming from the redhead. It made Anna only laugh more. "It was to meet up with a new friend."

"New friend?" excitedly asked the boy.

She nodded, filling him in on the recent events of the past few weeks, careful to side step any of the interactions involving Elsa (which was surprisingly hard! Hadn't they been on a break?). But it was nice talking about her new friend to someone who 1. Wasn't trying to force her into a relationship that she wasn't interested in like her best friends had, and 2. Had no prior judgement of Audrey's personality, like Elsa seemed to. Olaf was a wonderful third party.

She finished her small collection of stories with a chuckle and grinned broadly, adding a little note at the end about learning so much about herself too, which she was very appreciative of. Olaf smiled along for the whole thing.

"Aww that's great Anna! Must be fun having a girlfriend," he said casually with a sincere tone. But that was certainly not what Anna had been expecting to hear.

The freckled face recoiled at the unexpected label, something akin to a confused giggle accompanying the idea skipped from her throat before she spoke. "What? She's not my girlfriend.." Oye. She'd learned that chemistry was definitely not there. Her conversation about Rapunzel and the whole 'kissing a friend' thing came to mind again, potentially adding to her incredulous voice.

"She's not? Even though you said you went out?"

Anna quickly shook her head with a good amount of force. "No, definitely just friends." Under the newfound stare, almost unbelieving, Anna scratched the back of her neck. Although a bit uncomfortable with the idea of total disclosure, she decided it was important to add, "I mean, we went on that one date, yeah, but.. we just weren't compatible in that way." She let out a small laugh, farthest from amused and boarding uncomfortable. Her teal eyes looked to Olaf's at the end of the shared information. There was no need to specify in too much detail, yet she wanted to make sure no rumors got spread where they shouldn't.

"Oh."

"Yeah.. oh." Anna weakly breathed in a single breath.

There was a gentle waft of silence, although it gradually settled over Anna's shoulders with a steadily increasing weight of awkwardness.

Was her story really that implicating? Sheesh. She needed to watch what she said. Not everyone got the earful of elaborate information that her best friends did. No one else, actually. Not even Elsa got that much detail.

Anna blinked, eyes falling sharply to the innocent boy beside her, breath catching; the proceeding thought jarring.

If oblivious little Olaf could come to this conclusion from a third party perspective, then what did Elsa think? Sure, Elsa didn't really like the Latina woman.. not after the phone number exchange, but.. but Anna never gave any indication that she and Audrey were anything more than just friends! Er.. Besides that one date. She mentioned that part to Elsa, hadn't she? Yeah. But.. but.. that's what typical college kids do! They all go on little dates sometimes. Everyone knew that!

Well, granted, Elsa wasn't exactly a typical college kid when it came to those norms and context, but come on. She would, had to, totally know that- Gosh, Anna couldn't even force that obvious lie on herself. Elsa's social literacy was too subpar.

But still.. No, nuh uh. No way in Hell. Unlike Olaf, how could Elsa possibly come to think that they were dating? Pssh.. After what had happened last night, especially! Cuz wouldn't that mean Elsa would see Anna as a cheater? Ridiculous! Nothing, no one, could draw such a conclusion!

Examining all the absurdities that her imagination could produce in that brief moment, the only minuscule and remotely viable thing she could even begin to consider was Elsa stupidly thinking along the lines that she somehow 'coerced' Anna into last night's events and was feeling responsible for becoming some sort of Home Wrecker, and the sudden return of such reticence trying to distance herself as to not to interfere with Anna's new love life which she ran from initially-

Anna blinked, thoughts halting, stalling worse than Elsa's sedan's engine, realization hitting her. Hard. So damn hard.

Her hand flew to her head. Oh my fucking God.

"Oh my God," she cleanly recited aloud, standing in a rush. "S-sorry Olaf, but I need to go. Now. Right now." She was already inching away with each syllable, and the always smiling boy just gave her an excited wave, no questions asked.

"Okie dokie! See ya soon!"

Anna couldn't help but beam broadly in return; the young boy's smile was just too pure and contagious. Like a bolt she was off, sprinting faster than she'd ever done before, internally praying that she was both wrong.. but maybe actually right.

…

That.. dumb.. idiot.. dumby.. Anna's thoughts tiredly screamed, practically gasping in her mind as her body fought the elevation gain of the never ending apartment stairwell. I.. swear.. if I'm.. right..

With a grateful stumble, she cleared the 7th floor landing, weakly making her way into the front of the familiar apartment. It only took a few seconds to steady her wrecked lungs from their all-out sprint capacity before she prepared them for their next powerful use.

"Elsa! Open this door!" Anna called squeakily with a fresh inhale, face still red, not improving in its flush with the new respiratory demand. When no answer came from her efforts, she frowned in annoyance, moving to bang on the finely decorated door. Her voice was raised going into her next barrage of words, knowing full well that it was above a polite threshold for the late evening hour. "Come on! I know you're there," she said definitively, knowingly; by this time, Elsa would have already been done with her last seminar class.

She waited a deemed appropriate amount of time before knocking again. When the door still remained closed, she pressed her ear up against the wood. Still, she was only met with nothing. After 10 impatient seconds passed by, she let herself sag against the support. Maybe Elsa hadn't come back here yet..

This was stupid to even bother. Déjà vu from yesterday morning's absent apartment hit her powerfully. She hadn't been able to sneak her way in then, but it would have ended up just like this wouldn't it?

But then her ear picked up something. A very low whistle, gradually increasing in intensity, pitch, in the minutest of ways; a teapot! Although only given a few short seconds of that bubbling shrill cry, in the apartment's background, Anna heard the sudden muffled footsteps running to stifle the steam. She puckered her lips, curling to a smirk. That sneak.

She faced the door again, now re-energized. She knocked again, the same 5 tap rap. "Elsa, I swear, I'm going to start singing obnoxiously if you don't open up," she warned, hoping she sounded somewhat as intimidating in the threat as she was intending. When the door remained closed, sounds halting inside, she let out a purposefully, pointedly large sigh. "Oh well then.." She eyed the doormat crunching below her feet, looking at the intricate wintery scene drawn over the stiff matting.

Eyes twinkling and idea sparking at the image, finding the silliest part to concoct an absolutely ridiculous statement, she took a large inhale until her lungs ached at the expanse, ready to offensively press her voice box to its max. Hey, Elsa had been duly warned.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?!" Oh yes, her coach's megaphone would be proud.

The stampeding footsteps charging toward the white door almost made her laugh at the end of her horrendously vocal and off-tune musical notes.

When the door swung open, she was faced with the furious, wide-eyed glare piercing through her, cutting her makeshift tune short. "Anna..!" the older woman hissed through her teeth, index finger flying to her lips as she shushed the loud mouthed freshman, blue eyes glancing side to side, inspecting the low-lit public hall. "I have neighbors!"

"She's not my girlfriend!"

Midnight eyes stalled their bouncing glances, almost doing a full-fledged double take at the blurted sentence; eye corners creasing and lips tugging down. She blinked once, twice; eyes aflutter as her shoulders relaxed, tense hushing arm lowering in slack. A moment later, her head recoiled with a tilt. "..Huh?"

Anna wanted to laugh at the utterly bemused face, but she bit it back with a controlled breath. "Audrey's not my girlfriend," she repeated steadily with a more appropriate inside volume, small honest shrug accompanying the assertion. Her hand came to the back of her neck, a bit unsure, similar to when talking to Olaf. Right or wrong, she wasted zero time charging into this admission. "Just to.. erm, clarify."

The blonde seemed completely thrown from the loop, dark lashes still dancing over her stunned eyes. Even a breathless chuckle, disbelieving and brief, left her rosy lips. "I-I'm confused.. I thought.." Her eyes squinted as she stumbled through the stupor, looking to Anna and then distractedly away, repeatedly, as if continuously re-processing Anna's initial decree. "..but you..?"

Anna quickly shook her head with a good amount of force, feeling an all-encompassing urge to dispel this assumption 100%, once and for all, especially to Elsa. "Nope, we're just friends." Under the newfound stare, one of total disbelief, Anna ran her hand through her bangs. "We did go on a date, and we tried a, um, kiss, but..!" she hurriedly added, slightly lifting her hands with a weak shrug. "We just weren't compatible in, ya know, that way. I am positive of that."

Her teal eyes latched onto Elsa's at the end of the honest confession, unblinking. She wanted to make sure Elsa knew the whole truth. If Olaf, sweet little innocent Olaf, had minced her words' meaning, she could only imagine how devastating Elsa's intense mind could misinterpret something… especially if emotions colored any reaction.

"Oh.."

"Yeah.. oh." Anna felt her third wave of déjà vu hit today, if even possible, or was it just a result of digging up both distant and recent memories, allowing them to compound heavily in her body? She couldn't tell anymore. Whatever mortification Elsa was feeling before had definitely been expelled into the relatively cold air around them. And speaking of the cold, Anna rubbed her mitten clad hands up to her elbows, definitely not enjoying this known sensation. "Um, is it cool if I come in..?"

There was only one glance away before the apartment's owner slowly stepped aside, allowing Anna to pass into the familiar living area. She began her usual routine of hooking her thumb into her sneakers, removing them and tossing them to the small shoe pile beside the door frame.

"How could you really think that if I were actually dating someone, that I'd go after someone else?" She tilted her head, turning quickly on her heel to look at the Senior, honestly not sure if her question was rhetorical or not; the joking edge in her tone was quite delicate. The blonde athlete gently closed the door, leaning her shoulder against it for a passing moment.

"Well.. you know.." she began, choosing to answer the question seriously. "Sometimes people in relationships flirt with others.." It was spoken awkwardly, and she was rubbing her wrist uncertainly, not lifting her eyes.

Scrunching her speckled nose, stupefied, Anna scoffed, actually appalled. "What? No..? First of all, the person you're dating should definitely not be going around flirting with whoever they want," she said hotly, finger raised in between them. Dear god, she really did not want to consider just why Elsa thought that was an acceptable thing; that sounded like a serious topic for another day. She added another finger to her count. "And secondly, unless our memories got scrambled, I'm preeeety sure last night was a gajillion times beyond 'flirting.'" She ended with use of comical air quotes despite the residual surprise still coating the action. Was she seriously explaining this right now?

There was little more than a passive shrug and tiny shake of the blonde's head in response, before she moved away from the door; her trajectory, away from the redhead, passing through the far side of her kitchen, but Anna could almost anticipate that Elsa was preparing to retreat to the protection of her room the second she got the chance.

Crossing her arms, Anna leaned onto her hip as her eyes tracked her partner's careful maneuvers. Elsa had discreetly taken a cup from her white painted cabinets, pouring some water; the white water rush of a faucet was blaring in the otherwise still apartment.

"Elsa.." Anna tried as she watched the other woman sip absently on the drink for a long span of seconds. "I.. owe you an apology."

The taller woman turned around with questioning eyes, hips tucked into the adjoining corner of the counter space. "For what?" she asked in a rising tone.

Anna stepped forward slightly, grounding her hands flat on the dark granite island; its cool structure a contrast to her hot and clammy hands. "For this morning," she said gently, regret painting the words. "I shouldn't have said those mean things about your previous relationship." Anna hoped that she didn't sound too round-about in avoiding saying the brunette rower's name; Belle had already been mentioned way too much for Anna's liking today. "I got upset, but it's no excuse. I shouldn't have accused you so baselessly."

Patiently, she waited for Elsa to process the apology. Was there a hint of sadness in those eyes, or a spark of disdain? The hazy look was hard to read, especially at their unusual distance across the kitchen's expanse.

There was a nod, so small, barely noticeable aside from a slight sway of loose fly-aways, but accepting. "You had every right to be upset with me." Her lips were tight, pulled inward toward her teeth. "But please, don't lower yourself to her tier ever again," she mumbled, sincerely asking in all subtly. Anna watched the set of navy eyes briefly blink her way, seeing through thick lashes for a split second. "You're incomparable."

Swallowing her nerves, throat tight, Anna hadn't realized how much the affirmation had been needed to salve her deepest irrational worries. She looked to her planted hands, pulling them from the table and tucking them over her elbows. Incomparable, huh? The self-hug paired with the indirect but endearing compliment brought a giddy smile to her face.

A shift, slippers stepping. "Did you have anything else you wanted to talk about?" The younger student looked up sharply. The voice was so drained that it caught her off guard for a fleeting moment. She immediately related to it all too easily. Looked like the fatigue of everything was taking a mutual toll on both women. "If there's nothing else, please let me be by myself."

"No, I.." Anna hurried to say, barely stopping the other from turning away, but she paused, brows rising sadly. "I want you to talk to me," she begged quietly.

The blonde gave her a skeptical look over her angled shoulder. "Haven't we been?"

"No, not like.." She shook her head. "I'm not sure what about.. but, something.. All I want to know is what's been going on inside your head."

Aqua eyes watched the woman's back, tense and stiff, flinch momentarily, but eventually sag in the slightest, head turning to the counter top before quietly iterating, "Inside my head..?"

There was something.. off. The way Elsa repeated her words, it felt strange; off just like a key minor. Standing taller herself, Anna nodded with an acknowledging hum. She couldn't figure out what she wanted to ask, to hear, to know, but at this point she'd accept anything she was given.

With great poise, as if on a perfect turntable, the blonde turned in place, gaze low, but almost gracious enough to offer Anna her full body attention. "Nothing I do works." Her voice was firm and low, tenor frequency usually reserved for the commanding of crew covering the meaning. And that sternness hung in the air, sticky, unwell.

Anna wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it was an uncomfortable amount to be nestled under the stuffy atmosphere. Stifling. She cleared her throat though it did little to lessen a growing dryness, still not sure how to proceed, nor where exactly Elsa's thoughts had gone; those crystalline pools, nebulous and unfocused. A precursor to a storm.

"What does that-"

"-It was bad enough that I was worrying you over the other stuff in my life, but now.." The senior's voice spoke up, roughness having appeared over the passing minute's course; words coming out as if speaking unfiltered thought. Speaking more to herself. Elsa shook her head, hands coming to her cheeks absentmindedly, attempting to give them some sort of tactile purpose, before letting them fall limply in the end. "I'm the one constantly leading you to getting hurt, too. This can't keep happening." Her eyes blinked rapidly, blonde brows drawn up firm. "Not after yesterday."

Anna tilted her head and glanced to the side, bemused at the reaction and not enjoying the thickening air around them at all. "So, what's your big plan then?" she started, hints of sarcasm coming back, still fresh from this morning's ire. "Never see me again or something?"

The heart shaped face looked up, watching Anna, awakened from whatever reverie she'd temporarily entered. There was a long pause. Cerulean eyes were locked on their evasive counterparts; bodies so stilled in the quiet of the apartment.

"Maybe.. that would be for the better..." Considering.

Anna watched the older girl, lidded blue eyes cast onto the floor, gaze lost. Her words were hollow, echoing in an empty abyss, not an ounce of sincere belief to be heard in them. A frown rapidly formed on Anna's already pouted lips.

"You can't be serious." Her voice was like a growl as she shook her head, staring the blonde down. "Stop doing this to me," Anna beseeched aggressively, clutching her hands to her chest. Blue eyes shot up at the outburst, watching as the other rower began to wind around the island toward her. "Every time you push me away, it.. it breaks my heart!" Her voice cracked sharply on the last word. This caused pain to surge through Elsa's eyes and she tore her eyes away from the distraught freckled face.

She was beginning to turn, putting her water glass down, trying to escape the impending battle on the horizon. "How many times do I have to tell you. Stay away from me.. because I'm too weak to.." She whimpered desperately, words barely above a broken whisper. "Please.. I don't want to hurt you.."

"Well it's way too late for that." The broken look reflected back at her was absolutely gut wrenching and Anna cursed herself for thoughtlessly mumbling those punitive unfiltered thoughts; that was harsh. "Elsa-"

"Anna.." She spoke the name even louder, eclipsing the redhead's amending attempt, voice terse but quivering; as if meant it to be the discussion cincher. She shook her head, holding up a hand to try to mentally push her partner away. Elsa took another step away, now curving the dividing edge of the room toward the hallway. Fear seemed to be welling inside of her, growing into apparent aggravation at the redhead's defiant persistence.

Oh, ho, ho. Not this bullshit again. She hated that Elsa had always taken this irrational overly responsible role, thinking she had to protect Anna as if she were some weak baby, unable to protect herself. As if Anna couldn't make smart decisions or handle the tiniest of upsets. As if she couldn't get over the fact that yes, people make mistakes and it can really suck, but to read the situation was so much more important. She had been through and seen plenty by this point, with both Elsa and more, and she had developed quite the set of armor; bootstraps in place, ready to pull herself back up any time she was thrown down by Life's challenges. She could protect herself very well, and she could come back from any setback. And she could do it for anyone else too.

If she was about to endure what was the final, concluding battle of their hearts, then she was putting everything on the line today.

"What is the matter with you?" Anna cried while daringly stepping forward with a large stride, angry tears pricking the edges of her eyes; teetering and about to spill over her fuming cheeks.

"Enough, Anna.." The blonde growled dangerously as she began to storm toward her bedroom. Anna reached out grabbing her thin wrist, spinning her back. Elsa yanked her wrist back, burned against the fire blazing around them, wide eyes settling with a furious glare.

But the sea green stare didn't flinch. "If you're going to run away again, then fine. I won't stop you," Anna said hotly. "But it'd be for the last time." She took another step closer, the blonde mirroring the move in cautious retreat. Exhaling shakily, Anna squeezed her eyes shut, fists clenching. She sucked back the stinging in her eyes. "At least tell me why, Elsa. Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out?" Anna yelled, each question growing more and more fervent, finally stomping her foot down hard and stepping straight into the other's space. With the heat of harsh breaths surrounding them, hands slamming against the wall, encapsulating, small body meeting the blonde close as Anna backed the woman to the wall; watching the pallid features grow tight in unease facing the red hued ferocity of her demanding calls. "What are you so afraid of?!"

"Myself!" she shouted back, icy eyes ablaze, the aggression in the short two syllables causing Anna to step back in shocked confusion at the shrill outburst. Elsa widely gestured, disorganized and rapid, in the space between them, eventually letting a hand land splayed over her heart, gripping her blouse with whitening knuckles. "And you.. and.. and this!" Her free hand whirled wildly around their vicinity, shaking with a sense of gravity. "This is what I'm afraid of, Anna." She then brought her hands against her eyes, rubbing them in frustration, fingers clutching, head shaking shamefully. "I tried to keep you away. I didn't want to feel anything for you. God, I tried so hard.. And I just couldn't.. what I want, I can't.. and.. and everything I've tried to stop is.. nothing is.. it's.." A tremble. A heave. Her voice cracked an octave higher than Anna had ever heard; a small whine, despairing, dripping over front of her words. "Everything's falling apart.."

Anna was motionless, utterly frozen to the spot a foot back, as she listened to a voice she'd never heard before. In conjunction, that voice reverberated in the tight vestibule, like a sad song playing overhead while she watched the fortress she'd come to know, only after chipping the layers away bit by bit, come crumbling down right in front of her; its deafening crash echoing.

The anxious woman's eyes looked up, locking onto teary cerulean, usually filled with such bubbling joy, now filled with bewildered despair. Elsa's clenched hands released limply at her sides, visibly shaking as her back leaned into the wall for support. "With everything else driving my life, I already don't have enough to offer you something substantial, and each time you've gotten hurt was when we were rowing. That's why.. for you to be safe.. you need to move on, I can't be the one-"

"-Hey, hey. That's obviously not the case, now is it?" muttered Anna, barely loud enough to interrupt, scrunching the side of her lip as she gave a lilt to her head, voice a bit stuffy as she tried to offer any lightness she could. "All of this is circumstantial, I know you would never let me get hurt if you had any say. I mean, you made that pretty clear by risking your life.."

"I do have a say, that's the problem." Elsa lulled her head while lifting exasperated eyes upward, rueful half-smile tightening the corner of her lips. "You just.. don't understand.."

Anna tucked her chin down, getting the strange sense again. The wave of unease from how Elsa spoke the words. "Understand what," she decidedly said with as little affect as possible, not positive how to emotionally even connect with what was happening.

Midnight eyes gradually cast downward, fear evidently shining through with a desperate shake of her head at Anna's innocent take. What she didn't know.. "You don't know this other side of me."

With a stern look, Anna squared her shoulders, reaching out her hand cautiously; like offering openly to a little bird craving some warmth. Not being one to want to push or pry the other woman, but at this point? What was there left to lose. "Then share it with me."

Elsa stopped, glancing at the hand having now taken a hold of hers. A tender thumb grazed her knuckles and she finally swallowed, eyes unable to look up, shameful.

"There's this darker side to me.. this voice in me.. it's so hard to contain. If I let myself.. feel.. I risk losing the control, those emotions sending me to awfully low places where I can only focus on myself.. it's those moments that I risk hurting you.." She sucked a breath through her teeth, jaw tightening. "Because of that I.. I risk losing you completely.." She was approaching tears. "I came too close to that already. And I-I can't.. I can't.." she whispered with urgency, lips trembling with the repetitions. At long last, a single tear escaped the heavy pooling in azure eyes, trickling down her cheek.

The redhead stared at her, confusion etching across her features as that beautifully sorrowful tear glistened, illuminating a river over red flushed cheeks; the shimmer bitter as it flowed. Shock at the raw confession was an understatement. She moved her mouth to try to form a question, but was unsuccessful. She watched the blonde's chest heave as she let out a shuddering breath, more tears forming in her sparkling ocean eyes.

A flashing glance at her stunned face found Elsa pulling her hand away. She clutched her arms around her stomach, folding in on herself in reflexive defense.

Anna finally regained control of her mouth as she watched the broken form contort in front of her, ignoring how much she felt broken inside as well.

"Elsa.." she whispered softly. The heated atmosphere became drastically chilled as if a blanket of frost descended around them. An arctic stillness. She could feel the apprehension radiate off of the older woman, hitting her like hot infrared pulses. With a breath, she hesitantly stepped closer to the blonde. One quarter step.. another. She watched as the strong woman flinched at her advancing movement. Without faltering, Anna moved a shaky hand, quivering fingers, to rest on Elsa's crossed forearm. The tender touch alone sent goose-bumps shooting up her body and visibly splaying over pale skin as well.

The pained, distant expression spoke volumes to the young rower. Once heated thoughts had morphed into those of compassion; recognition. She understood now. She finally realized that, without a shadow of a doubt, there was a problem that ran so much deeper than she'd ever imagined. It was a hairline fracture, first imprinted who knows how many years ago and only spurred to fissure further by who knows how many more; purposefully buried beneath the thick sheet of protective ice around her heart that had always been present but had slowly been chipping, cracking, revealing its meek interior more and more as Elsa had allowed warm emotions to melt her defenses.

Anna made sure she looked squarely at the forlorn woman, tilting her head, trying to catch a glimpse of hiding eyes. Elsa had always been holding something back. Holding this back. I've always wondered.. "Elsa.. What else happened back then?" She didn't need to clarify. She knew Elsa understood what she was requesting.

There was a sharp hitch in the blonde's throat as her finger tips anxiously clenched into her bicep, nails digging into her fair skin. "I.. I don't want you to think less of me.." Elsa swallowed hard at the very end of the sentence. She squeezed her eyes tight. Anna moved instantly, hands sliding to cradle her elbows which remained tucked in her crossed grip. She could feel the older woman shiver beneath her hold.

Anna took a breath, hoping a few mustered words would be enough to sooth the older woman's concern. "That's probably my doing, always telling you how flawless and amazing you are.." She chuckled a little, glad to catch that much needed glance of sad orbs, twinkling like an evening sky. "And don't you think I've changed my mind on that matter, but I can appreciate the flaws that make us who we are. I can never think less of you.. If that takes some pressure off?" She gave a toothy lopsided grin. The lightness of her words, no matter the growing maturity of its content but persisting semi-awkwardness of the verbal execution, brought some alleviation to Elsa's expression.

With a slow nod and long exhale, the opposite rower seemed more agreeable to proceed; hearing that Anna would not up and abandon her for what she was being asked, at least for now. "After I told you about the Nationals.. I said everything turned out okay.. But there was one thing I couldn't handle…" She inhaled heavily, breath shaking. "I-I know I should have seen it sooner, but I didn't want to believe that, of all people, the person I loved.." She grimaced while dropping the tender word, like touching a bruised wound, and Anna subconsciously flinched for her own reason.

Teal eyes did glance away for just that moment, a heave of guilt rising from earlier; how she had called Elsa out, doubting her feelings to another person of being any less than genuine. She knew she'd never enjoy hearing any words of affection being directed to the brunette Elite rower, but to know that Elsa allowed of her heart to be shared, every small gesture or words that hinted to any feeling.. it was honest. When her diverted eyes trekked back to the taller form, she saw that the blonde had angled herself more upright against the wall, head tilted aside; blue eyes lost in memory.

"Belle finally told me that if we stayed together that her image would be tarnished. So she told the public she was ending it.. She told them, in interview and online, that she couldn't be with a monster like me.." Her jaw clenched as she swallowed audibly. "And, although I didn't see it then, she had been right."

Her voice hitched noticeably on that one particular word; the same disgusting label Anna remembered seeing bounced around on the internet's few remaining private rowing blogs. It absolutely sickened her hearing it now, especially from Elsa.

But what absolutely sickened her more was that it sounded like Elsa was seriously blaming herself for that terrible break up; like she had revealed too much of herself to someone she loved and that was the reason their relationship ended, why she was abandoned, and not that the other had been self-centered and completely undeserving of a heart like Elsa's. Anna prayed quickly, silently, that that was not the case, but the way those blue eyes fogged in dejected reflection, Anna already knew the worst.

Anna knew because she had made these exact accusations this morning. A hollow ache pounded in her chest and she physically couldn't handle it.

Both of the redhead's hands flew atop of Elsa's clenched ones, trying to pry them away from scraping and marring that pristine skin in their pincer-like constraint; trying to offer comfort with her gradual enclosing proximity while also maintaining a pretense of safe distance that Elsa needed. Not to encroach and frighten, but to envelop with warmth.

The Senior didn't pull away from the contact, but a tiny clarity came forth, stirring the distant haze from the beautiful pools. "That was the day I realized I'd really lost all that I'd worked so hard for. Everything came crashing down around me.. I finally saw that I had lost so much more than just a title and a regrettable relationship." Her lower lip was pulled between her teeth, like she was biting back the roused sensations. "My family.. people I cared about.. the person I thought I was."

Elsa breathed heavily at that declaration. Emotion was heavy in her words. Anna couldn't begin to tell when it happened, but her spotted cheeks were wet with tears as she listened, every new word anticipated on baited breath. Elsa's next whimpers were confused, like a child who had yet to make sense of the world.

"She just.. shut me out.. broke my heart.. and I was completely alone." She looked up into those cerulean eyes, so packed with morose regret, but shimmering like the sea. "And then I ended up doing the same to you. Holding you at a distance this whole time, withholding so much while constantly hurting you." Tears splashed down her porcelain cheeks as she hiccupped. "God, I'm so sorry.."

Anna watched the woman, whose eyes filled with such a deep sadness. Her thumbs were grazing small circles atop clutched pale hands, offering some form of comfort. Anna did her best to stifle the anguish growing on her personal features at the surprise of Elsa's words, and it absolutely had nothing to do with the apology.

From their first meeting, the stoic woman's always chosen means of isolation, separating herself from every one, saying it was better, it was her preferred choice.. It had all been a reaction; a defense mechanism to embrace the isolation she was forced into, because it was the only way she could control the situation. Always living her life under the thumb of her parent's restriction, of course she would have sought out and desired contact. Since the very start, Elsa had never truly wanted to be alone. She wanted someone with her, to love her; so desperate was that longing that she'd be willing to sacrifice every part of herself.

It was heartbreaking to realize after all this time.

"I thought time would heal everything.. if I could just distract myself from the problems long enough, not let myself slip up, they'd go away." There was a small sniffle. "I-I thought that I had fixed myself, put myself back together, moved on.." Elsa turned her head shyly toward freckled cheeks, watching the dampness of cascading tears down that tan face. "But it wasn't until I met you, cared so much about you, tried to be better for you, wanted to be with you, that I finally realized that I wasn't.. normal.. All along, the problem was me." Pearly teeth tugged roughly at her lip, voice a blend of grief and mortification, tainted in her self-directed derision. "Fuck, I'm so pathetic.."

Her contorted body tightened inward, legs buckling as she slid herself down, head sheltered against her knees. Her shoulders heaved deeply, her words lingering.

Amidst Elsa's confession, Anna knew exactly what the brave woman was sharing with her. Calling out to her. Finally wanting to tell her. Needing Anna to hear what her proud soul ached to say all of this time. Silently asking Anna for help. To not be alone in this. Looking for a guiding star in this seemingly endless night, just as Anna had been looking for in her.

Although definitely not what Anna had thought she was going to say, nowhere near what she could have expected, it made sense now.

Slowly lowering onto her knees, level with the huddled athlete, Anna let out a quiet whisper, careful to not tread over any of Elsa's confession. "Not at all, Elsa. You're anything but." Not wanting to scare the woman back into hiding, but rather bring all of her worries to light, she offered gently, hoping she successfully picked the continuing words in the least triggering of fashions, "Those bad memories, that internal voice… they come back every now and then, huh?"

Elsa glanced up carefully, scanning Anna's face, seeking sincerity; receiving confirmation. Finding what she needed, all the reassurance, to not be condemned for her struggles or seen as insane, but instead, simply seen. Tearfully, she gave a lilt to her lips, walls completely gone.

"At the worst times…" Elsa sadly closed her eyes, shoulders withering on her exhale. "I know I should ignore the whispers. I wish they'd go away.."

Her strained expression, lips wry, looked like the mere idea of this internal chatter caused her physical pain. Anna wondered if she could hear the echoes now, those Sirens haunting her past, or if Elsa was completely here in the present. She hoped the latter, and if not, then she'd do anything to free her from those whispers.

"It's so much easier to keep other people away. I've felt that I can handle it better by myself." She bit her lip, downcast eyes flicking upward, holding a prolonged connection with her partner. Anna half expected them to fall away before any more words were spoken, but they didn't. "But you.. you're the first person who could help me overcome it. I realized that in my record 2k."

The muscles around her pink lips quirked automatically at that, memory from the winter semester still one which she cherished deeply. "Isn't that a good thing?" Anna ventured to say, a mixture of emotions reverberating from that information.

"Yes.. no..?" Elsa sighed, thoughts disrupted and she finally firmly shook her head. "I did not want to put that responsibility on you. When we.. Goodness, I felt so comfortable with you that I couldn't control things from rearing up, worse than before." With a grimace, Elsa trembled. "I'm not enough. I never was. No matter what I do."

"That's not-" Anna tried, despite knowing she shouldn't interrupt, but Elsa immediately spoke over her attempt.

"Not for Belle. Not for my family. And definitely not for you. I can't be enough." Her eyes held so much sadness that just made Anna's heart thud painfully. "So. That's why."

The statement was so definitive that Anna shook her head, whispering "Why what?"

Elsa looked at her, azure eyes scanning her face; dancing from her round cheeks to her button nose and counting over the infinity of warm freckles. "Your question. Why I pulled away," she answered after a long while. "I thought that by giving you space, you'd eventually end up happier, find someone who did deserve you and could be what you needed.. and you'd move on."

At that, whether it was because of how pure it was said or because of the ridiculousness of the plan, the younger of the duo let out a snort, allowing Elsa to freely sputter a desperate laugh before continuing. Something amicable sparked, unconsciously, burning away the hanging weight of desolate reverence.

Her own muscles releasing their tension with the gradual lightness, Elsa allowed a smile, so tiny, to appear. "But, despite everything that happened, you didn't give up on me." A hoarse chuckle fell from her lips, as if she were losing her mind to even acknowledge the following facts. "When I've ruined so much.. for whatever reason.." She tilted her head, smile growing watery; utterly grateful and humbling, voice pitched sky-high. "You're still here.."

Anna mirrored the grin, knowing it was bittersweet, seeing sparkling beads of tears collecting at the oceanic creases. She didn't know how Elsa managed to control those droplets from spilling following that helluva speech, though this woman did also have the most self-control of anyone in history if this entire discussion was any example. Her own smile had brought about another bucket of tears to spill from her sea greens.

Wasting no time, she leaned forward and gathered the older woman in her embrace, tugging those arms free and forcing them around herself as she wrapped hers around tense shoulders. Grateful for this moment, she could feel Elsa welcome the hug whole-heartedly. Her toned arms slipped under Anna's and wrapped up around her chest, clutching at the sweatshirt's material draped over her small shoulder blades. Clutching for so much security.

"I sure am," Anna said as she sniffled, burying her face in the crook of Elsa's neck. Elsa's natural, winter scent soothed her entire soul, cooling all of today's explosive maelstrom of emotions. She could feel the shaky breaths against her cheek as Elsa worked hard to stifle the dry sobs that finally slipped free. Anna only hugged her tighter. "I'm right here."

It was utterly surreal. She had promised herself long ago that she would remain strong for Elsa. That she could be that grounding rock whenever she needed it. Regardless of that promise or any others, it absolutely did not prepare her for this moment. Cradling the strongest person she had ever known while her entire person crumbled and broke brought Anna to a new level of understanding, even if figuring out how to respond was far from her reaches. So she acted with the only thing she could. Holding the woman, offering whispers of nothing and everything, gently rocking them.

Anna hummed lightly, feeling her partner's breath begin to even out as the minutes lazily ticked on, passing by like a cloud in a dreamscape. "You know," Anna mused softly, letting her lips enjoy the soft tickles of loose platinum strands as she spoke quietly next to Elsa's ear. "It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything."

Elsa frowned slightly against Anna's flushed skin before leaning back from the embrace just enough to look across at the redhead; sapphire eyes, tinged red around the edges but ever so beautiful, containing an appreciative wonder in response to the insightful statement. "Did… you just make that up?"

Anna made a face in confusion at the way too overly impressed reception. "What, no.. It's from Fight Club?" Her voice rose in question at the end of the statement. She looked at Elsa's blank expression and the slight skeptical twitch of a blonde brow. She inwardly sighed. Of course Elsa would never have gotten a media reference. How could she forget? "No? Well, then drat. I should have taken credit for it." She giggled lightly, somehow abating the tension in the air, be it in the slightest of ways.

Elsa smirked the most unperceivable grin and agreed. "You should have."

"Well, we'll make a movie night," she said with a wink, pleased with the bashful gaze to come from it. The blonde woman entered the tucked hug once more and the bubbly redhead calmed herself; face growing more serious as she leaned her cheek against the other. "Nevertheless, going forward I promise I will never shut you out, no matter what." It was sworn as a vow. Her voice was affirmative and sincere. She inhaled deeply, accountability coming forth. "But you need to do the same, too."

Anna felt Elsa turn her head against her neck and after a brief second, she felt a nod. "I promise." Then there was a tearful puff of a giggle, pink nose tucked in toward the girl's lean neck. "I swear I'll never understand why you're so adamant about staying around someone like me."

Sapphire eyes were closed in steadying reflection the next time she finally pulled back from the embrace, cheeks heavily flushed. Anna felt her heart flutter in time with the dance of Elsa's thick opening lashes, her own pulse thrumming with such fervor as she watched the dazzling eyes grace her vision once more below a constellation of teardrops; cheeks and nose sweetly pink, sniffles present, lips vivid and worn chapped, mascara smudged like a watercolor master piece.

Gorgeous.

Beautiful.

Perfect…

"Well, if you loved yourself the way I do, then you'll see why I can't lose you. That I….."

It wasn't one, or two, but three solid seconds that ticked before Anna felt her hair stand on end, eyes suddenly widening as she watched Elsa's hazy blue eyes widen as well, acute and alive; significance of the ghosted statement catching up to her like the thwack of a boomerang. Quiet, unbidden words had unconsciously floated between them, lingering in a newly cumbersome atmosphere; profound, a reason that neither had anticipated.

Both women stared, shocked, decoding the other's eyes as the gravity of the situation sank in. The gravity of the words. Their implication. Their meaning.

47.5 hours. That was all the time her mind's restraint could handle. All the time it took before a swift moment swept it way, playing her heart's song freely.

All of Anna's breath was gone.

Gone as she gave in and finally uttered that phrase.

That one phrase capable of changing everything.

"...I love you."

There was a long pause. So unbelievably long. A century, a millennia? Only the sound of shaking breaths could be heard over the rushing sound of blood echoing in her ears, like cavernous hallows of a canyon pummeled by white water rapids in Spring's thaw. Anna gulped as she sat back on her haunches, hiding her eyes in shadow with the tilt of her bangs as her arms dropped away from toned shoulders, resting at her sides; mortification too painful to save face.

She knew what was going to happen. She knew Elsa would run. Whether physically or figuratively, she always would. She always had.

"Anna.."

Anna's aquamarine eyes snapped up from their lingering pass over Elsa's slippered feet, nerves causing the pumping adrenaline to trample through senses upon seeing beautiful but distant eyes. Soft. Sad. Adoring. Loving. Glossy and shining.

A blink, so delicate.

A twinkle in those magnificent oceans.

Tears. Pure and clear, as if originating from a private glacial spring, trickling away from overflowing pools that ran impossibly deep; bared to one person alone.

"I love you, too."

It took a moment to process. A long moment. Mind halting. Jarred. Anna's hope almost too jaded to believe that she really just heard.. She.. She really..? Those words lacked any indication of uncertainty; lacked any woeful dread. Any sign of obligatory reciprocation.

Instead, they held honesty; conviction.

Anna's breath shuddered as she exhaled, nearly in an incredulous laugh, reality of the returned sentiment crashing down on her like those terrible nightmarish waves, yet washing her clean of every doubt that she'd been maintaining; buoyantly pushing her up and breaking free of the crest of the emotions which she had been drowning in for so long. A breath of the freshest air she'd ever tasted.

Despite tumultuous and spinning thoughts and sensations coursing through them, both sat still, staring out across an emotional chasm which had been present ever since their first meeting, always an invisible reminder of the separation from each other which they had desperately fought to bridge. Anna felt her hand twitch, subconsciously raising it, but hesitating when she realized her action.

To her wide eyed surprise, she watched the opposite woman respond, arms no longer wrapping herself in hiding; that tantalizing pale hand, one so strongly defined with calloused scars and capable of incredible performance, yet ones also so delicately wrung at times in wraughtful woe.

Anna let out a quiet but content breath as cool finger tips traced her own, as if they were meeting for the first time. The slender fingers curled beneath her own, before settling and lacing comfortably like missing puzzle pieces; connection of hand and heart finally bridging the space between them.

That gap was beginning to close.

"So.." Anna felt herself slowly add voice to what was nearly a silent breath, the heaviest of questions lingering on her lips; the only thing standing between their present and future. "..where do we go from here?"

The Senior inhaled and exhaled slowly, breaths even, matching Anna's own, that they were barely perceptible despite the room's silence. Her light brows were brought together in delicate thought, blue eyes watching their joined hands with an appreciative awe. "I have no idea.." As her voice trailed off, eyes finally finding aqua orbs, Anna made note that the older woman's words weren't in their usual timid timbre. Although a hint of consternation remained, Anna could feel the buzz of bravery accompanied with Elsa's firm gaze.

"You're.. not afraid of what you'd be risking?" prompted the smaller woman, needing to be resoundingly sure that Elsa was not going to run away from her again. There could not be any more doors slammed between them. They could never close them again.

Deep blue eyes traced the freckled face, carefully, slowly, gaze caressing every visible inch of the yearning expression. Gently sucking in her lip, looking down as if in disgrace to confess what hung true in her mind, Elsa shakily breathed out, "I-I am." And then, seconds following the trepid words, there was the faintest of chuckles as the blonde finished. "But.. that's okay.." Her sapphire eyes looked back at Anna warily, reaffirming to herself, to both of them, again. "It's okay.. to go into the unknown.."

The hand in the younger rower's grasp was just as warm and soft as those blue eyes. She could do nothing but let the buzzing giddiness and courage swell inside her as she nodded, gently squeezing the life-line connecting the two women; grounding them physically together in the present, for once, both with eyes pointed toward the future's horizon.

Anna leaned her forehead in, pleasantly surprised that she was met halfway, blinking in time with fluttering lashes; the two looking at the reflecting windows revealing the depths of their souls. Two smiles spread over their lips as each woman breathed out in unison.

"Together."

And, for the first time in forever, Anna let hope elevate and fill her heart without abandon.

-End Chapter 32-

A.N. lmao in theaters watching F2 where Anna goes "you've been hearing a voice and you didn't think to tell me?!" I had just shook my head. F2 basically made the non-canon parts of this story canon compliant. Alright ya'll, for once you can enjoy today's peaceful conclusion without having to worry (much); the biggest emotional hurtle separating the girls was just cleared, now we get to see them navigate their growth together! We're heading into the final story ARC! :O I know I update slower than a snails' race, but please be patient, we will eventually get there lol.

A wonderful reviewer also pointed this out: Elsa's final breakdown is a continuation to the end of Chapter 15! Aye, joining plot points.

Fiction vs Reality Consistency check: Someone didn't like how I used USD in the past even though the setting is Norway, so the boat's cost in Norwegian Krone is $104,922.60

Hope you're all staying healthy and practicing social distancing! You're flattening the hospital curve! Thank you for reading :)