Welcome backkkkkk! Jumping right into this warning here of a suicide attempt. Said we were getting into heavier topics this season and this is about as heavy as it gets. Anyways, as always, thank you everyone who has come round and stuck by with us. We'll see ya'll on the first, till then take care!
Kai stared at his graying skin in the mirror. Fixated and not in a good way. He was vile...
He hurt people. And that was bad enough, but he never thought he would ever be responsible for someone losing their life. Didn't that make him a murderer to some degree? Everyone told him otherwise, but it wasn't right. It was because of him.
If Wyatt hadn't met him, he'd still be alive. And there was nothing that would ever stop that being true. And that truth was eating him from the inside out. He couldn't stand it anymore...
It wasn't enough to just put something sharp to his skin. That didn't make it even...
As long as he lived and breathed, he would never be even...
And as long as he lived and breathed, none of this would ever go away.
His eyes leaked again, pathetically. He wanted out...
His hand pulled open the mirror, staring in to the cabinet. The thought had crossed his mind before, but he'd always been too much of a coward. But tonight, he felt nothing. Which meant, it was meant to be like this. All he needed to do, was swallow...
He found the biggest bottle he could and twisted the cap, ignoring the flinch as the child lock scraped. All he had to do was swallow, and it would all be over...
Checking the time on the clock again Ray let out a sigh, it had only been a few minutes, nothing to worry about. He was just on edge, rightfully so, but this was getting to the point he couldn't even stand himself at the moment. His mind never shut down now, all too plagued with worry and concern. The moment Kai slipped from his sight his heart always sunk to the pit of his stomach and he counted down the seconds until he came back.
It'd been a week since the funeral, and since then that dark cloud that had rolled over the house had become a permanent resident. Slowly growing darker and heavier as the days passed even though he and the others were doing all they could to help get it to go away, help Kai through this best they could.
Three days after the funeral though, Ray had found Kai cutting again and promptly hid his razors and made sure the others did too. In doing that though, it still didn't make the worry go away any the moment Kai slipped from his line of sight.
He checked the clock again not even a second after tearing his eyes away from it, another sigh coming out more at himself than anything as his feet pushed him to stand.
He couldn't take it. Something smelt different in the air and he wasn't sure what it was, but it had made his body twitch uncomfortably all night. The others gave him a look as he swept out of the living room, their looks going ignored as he took himself down the hall on the search for Kai.
He didn't have to go far; Kai had said he was just going to the bathroom so that's where he went first.
Rapping on the door with his knuckles he held his breath, "Kai?"
When no answer came a fear seized his body and made his blood run cold. His hand fell from the wood of the door to the handle, twisting without a second thought and pushed the door open almost harshly. His breath catching in his throat as every noise deafened in his ears.
As Ray stepped inside, red eyes peered up through messy bangs as he sat hugging his knees, leaning against the bathroom counter. Ray's knees buckled, making him fall beside him. There was no blood anywhere, but something wasn't right. He could feel it.
"What'd you do?" He asked in a small whisper, his hand holding himself up where his fingertips brushed against something sitting just between him and Kai and under the cabinet to the sink.
Sitting back he pulled the bottle off the floor and stared at it in his hand, the cap was back on, but it was crooked.
"What did you do?!" He cried at him as tears were budding in his eyes.
Kai's shoulders shook as he lifted his head, not wanting to look at him unable to stop himself as his own eyes streamed.
"I'm sorry..." His voice trembled.
Feeling his throat clench up Ray sprang to his feet, the bottle clutched in his hand as he rushed out of the bathroom.
"Grandpa! Mr. Granger!"
At his name being called Grandpa was rushing out of his room to meet Ray in the hallway, the others scattering out of the living room in their own panic.
"What's going on Ray?"
"K-Kai... He's... He's in the bathroom." Ray panted as he jerked a hand to where he had just come from, holding out the other with the pill bottle and dropped it into Grandpa's hand.
"He won't tell me what he did. I don't know what he did!"
"It's okay, it's okay we'll figure this out. Tyson you call Mr. Dickenson, Ray come back with me." He gently coaxed, having to keep the house from falling apart around him.
Ray nodded back to him, wiping the tears that had trickled down his face and followed him back through the hall as Tyson and Max rushed to the kitchen for the house phone.
Grandpa made his way into the bathroom, gently kneeling beside Kai on the floor. "Kai, I need you tell me what happened." He said softly as he put a hand to his shoulder.
Kai trembled, leaning away from him as a noise left his throat. "I'm s-sorry. I just don't wan-na, so I took 'em." He hiccuped.
"How many did you take? Do you know?" Gramps continued in the soft voice, rubbing his shoulder gently.
Ray shifted where he stood, holding in a broken sob before it cut through him. He had only looked away for a few minutes, he shouldn't have let him go off by himself like this.
Kai turned his head to grandpa, panicked and shook it. "No..." His voice strained, "That bottle h-ad the most in it, so just took what I could..."
Gramps rolled the bottle in his hand, taking in the label on the front. His stomach dropping as he read the label, fentanyl, it was his for when he had his flare ups with arthritis.
"Can you stand and come with me? We need to get you to the hospital."
Kai nodded mindlessly. He didn't want to move and yet was terrified. The fuck had he done!?
Ray stood back to give them room as Gramps let Kai take hold of him, lifting him up to stand and held his breath. Counting down the seconds that Kai might just fall over and collapse on them.
"Let's get you to the car now." Gramps continued in his soft tone as he gently lead the two out of the small and cramped bathroom.
Kai was too dazed by everything to feel his feet moving, barely taking in the walls going by. But suddenly they were at the door and the fog cleared a little.
He said they were going to the hospital...?
His arm jerked slightly. "Where's Ray!?" He cried at him as his knees gave a little.
"I'm right here Kai, calm down." Ray jumped up beside him, touching his back before he went and grabbed his hand. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere." He said as he squeezed his hand, "But we need to go."
Kai squeezed it back and fell into him. "I feel funny..." He whined, panicked.
Ray bit down on the urge to be sarcastic, now wasn't the time.
"Then let's get you to the car son." Gramps said as he pulled him along to get them out the door.
Tyson and Max came barreling out of the kitchen, looking as though they had been running laps around the yard.
"I called Mr. D, he said he'd meet you at the hospital."
"Thanks lil dude, hold down the fort and we'll be right back." Gramps called over his shoulder as he finally got Kai to take a step out of the house.
With the rush of getting to the hospital wearing down, the relief that had covered them once Kai was given a shot that would combat what he had taken, Ray and the two adults just stood around in the small room by his bed.
Dickenson hadn't said much, the worry and concern painted on his face but no words had really come out unless he was speaking to the nurse or doctor. Gramps was the same, though he had been touching Kai's head and running his hands through his hair as he lay there just looking at him silently as if he were seeing Tyson laid up on the bed.
Ray had been quiet, had stood back and was now sat beside the bed next to him with their hands still held together.
They wanted him to stay for 24 hours now, just to observe but he was given the okay. He would live. A relief to the three, maybe not so much to Kai at the moment but he hadn't said much either.
"We'll be back to pick you up." Dickenson cleared his throat a little, "You just get some rest now Kai." He said and pat his feet from where he stood on the end of the bed.
Kai nodded and kept himself staring at the ceiling. He didn't want to look any of them in the face. This was a new low...
Ray swallowed the lump in his throat, fighting back from shaking too hard as he clutched Kai's hand tighter.
"Can I stay?"
Gramps and Dickenson exchanged glances quietly, Dickenson taking the helm with a soft sigh.
"I'm sorry, but family members only."
Ray felt something close to a stab in his heart, "We are his family." He bit back.
The old man sighed again. "I know that, Ray. I wasn't implying anything else. But hospital regulations don't work that way..."
"Ask me if I care. They're just going to leave him in here, they're not going to watch over him, make sure he's okay!" He argued back.
Mr. Dickenson raised his hand, "I know you're worried Ray. Believe me, I understand. But they will take good care of him. It's important he gets some rest." He tried to diffuse gently.
"And he can rest with me sitting right here." He went on, his pupils on the verge of slitting. "I found him; I have a right to make sure he'll be taken care of!" His voice cracked slightly as the tears came back.
"You keep pulling us apart, when will you learn that every time you do that it makes things worse?!"
Stanley wanted to explain, again, about how it was in their best interest. But this time, he kept quiet. And, he would feel better knowing Kai wasn't alone dwelling or going to a dark place again. And he was certain Kai would want Ray the most.
"I will go and talk with the staff. All right?"
Ray just nodded back to him, making sure his ass wouldn't budge from the seat if he actually went to grab security.
They'd have a rude awakening if they tried to touch him.
Gramps smiled a little under his mustache, keeping quiet as he brushed Kai's bangs back again. Mr. Dickenson left, coming back to the same quiet a good few minutes later.
"They're being kind enough to let you stay with him tonight." He smiled gently at him.
"Thank you..." Ray let out a sigh of relief.
Gramps doing his own small deflate at the news. He rubbed Kai's head a bit more friendly than the gentle strokes before. "You're in good hands then." He sent a small wink to Ray on the other side of the bed, "We'll see you boys tomorrow, and take care of yourself too Ray."
"I will." Ray nodded back, his heart slamming in his chest.
Kai felt hit with nausea as grandpa left his side. Again with the conflicts. He wanted Ray there, but the thought of being alone with him after this was unbearable. As he felt the kind old man's hand come off his head and start to leave him, he felt all kinds of bad.
He lifted his free hand and wrapped it around his wrinkled wrist. "Grandpa...?"
Wrapping his free hand over Kai's, the kind old man turned back around to face him. "What is it son?"
His face strained and twisted as tears loaded and fell within a split second. He couldn't stand him being upset with him. Or the thought that he wouldn't want to see him after this. Not after he'd been so nice to him all this time.
"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!" He croaked out as a deep sob tore out.
"Oh Kai..." Gramps cooed as he stepped as close to the bed as he could, throwing his arms around him and pulling him into a hug.
"It's okay, it's going to be okay. We're all here for you, never forget that." He rubbed his back and the back of his hair again, "I just want you safe and healthy, so work on that and we'll talk more when you come home."
Kai let his sobs that were fighting their way out come, gripping him back. Thank god he was letting him come back...
Kai sniffled and nodded, resuming his position back on the bed to stare at the ceiling as the two old men took their leave. Outside the door Grandpa felt himself crumbling before he could even stop it. One of his little dudes was in trouble, had been entrusted to keep them safe and he had failed one of them, had failed Dickenson in keeping an eye on Kai for him.
What kind of guardian was he?!
He'd never be able to forgive himself for this, and even more if Ray hadn't found Kai when he had.
"What do we do Stan?" He choked as they walked down the hall.
Stanley put a hand on Grandpa's back. "I wish I knew..."
Ray shifted in his chair like his ass itched, now that the door was closed and they were alone he wasn't sure what to say or even do now.
He glanced at Kai, their hands having been separated when he and Grandpa had hugged it out and couldn't find it in himself to take it back up right now. He was angry, hurt, relieved, scared and a multitude of other things at the moment.
Did they really not mean anything to Kai for him to do this? Or was it just a lapse in judgement?
"What were you thinking...?" He asked in a breath.
At the sound of disappointment in Ray's voice, the tears started to pour again. He stayed quiet for a moment. How could he answer that question and make this all better? He knew he couldn't. Instead, he figured he'd just be honest.
"That I wanted it all to stop." He answered back in a breath.
Ray frowned at his answer, shifting again before he could stop himself. "And what about us? You realize... Realize how selfish that would have been?" His voice cracked.
"Leave me alone, Ray!" He snapped out immediately, like a knee jerk reaction.
"Don't you do that, not after this!" Ray fired back, "If I left you alone you wouldn't be here! And maybe that's what you wanted, but even in death there are consequences that we'd have to deal with!"
Kai rolled himself over, 30 seconds in and he couldn't stand it. Just like any time Ray was right and he was wrong.
"I tried to look the other way when you were cutting, tried to help you, and now this. What if I lost you? If we lost you? Life isn't fair Kai, I get that, but there's still things worth living for. So why, why would you do this and not just talk to one of us?!" Ray cried at him, unable to stop the flow of tears.
He had that same fear he felt a year ago running through his veins when they had to pull Kai from that frozen lake. When Kai had told him he wanted it all to stop then and there that same night.
He couldn't stand it then and he certainly wasn't going to stand it now. He couldn't lose him.
Kai's shoulders shook, "Because talking won't fix this! Nothing is going to fix this!" He cried back with his back turned.
"And what you tried to do is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Talking is a better solution, you just never try it!"
Kai rolled back; face turned furious as well as tear stained. "This is permanent, Ray! What the hell would you know about what I feel!? About how long this is going to last!?" He screamed at him.
"I would know if you talked to me about it, but you haven't!" Ray argued with another crack in his voice, pushing himself off the chair and started to pace along the side of the bed. "I have always been right here for you, I told you, you could come to me and I would try. But you didn't even give me that chance to try."
Kai's chest heaved, the upset throwing off his breathing. "You can't help me! And you shouldn't be here. I hurt people. I never mean to. But I do..." He cried and heaved again, "You guys got close and look what I did to you. Wyatt got close and he's... He's..."
Ray's pacing halted instantly at the mention of Wyatt. Giving him a questioning look laid on the bed. "Because of him you did this to yourself?" He asked in half curiosity and half disbelief.
Kai's expression fell to broken. "I killed someone, Ray..." His voice cracked before he crumbled.
A fizzing and pop type noise went off in Ray's head, like his brain had just shut down on him.
"No... No you didn't Kai." He said in a more softer tone, the pieces slowly falling into place as he went back to the bed.
Forgoing his chair he shoved Kai's knees away to make room with his legs, sitting down on the bed in front of him.
"What happened to him was awful, but it wasn't your fault. The people who gave him that power killed him, you had nothing to do with it."
Kai sucked in some much needed air. "Yes it was! I rejected him and he went to them! All he wanted was to learn a few things! That's all he wanted and -" Some wounded sounds came out his chest after that.
"And that was his choice. Nobody forced his hand, nobody made him do what he did, and you certainly didn't kill him because you refused to teach him after he took Dranzer from you." Ray said in a sympathetic tone, reaching out and placing his hand over Kai's arm.
"But you can't punish yourself for what happened."
Kai gasped for more air after his lungs had been empty for a while. "Then what am I supposed to do!?" He pleaded, desperate to find the answer.
Ray shook his head some, a little out of answers but had to find something to tell him. "Forgive yourself, even if you didn't do anything wrong you still feel like you did. So forgive yourself first. And when we can, we'll avenge him for what they did to him. Honor his memory the best way we know how."
Kai shook his soaking wet face back. "I can't!" He cried, throat sore, "There's nothing I can do to bring him back! There's nothing I can do about anything!"
He started to get more and more worked up. "It's too much!" He cried desperately, "I can't take it! I don't want to live with it, and I don't want anything else to happen!"
"You're right... There isn't anything you can do to bring him back, and I know it hurts. So what makes you think it won't hurt if you leave too?" Ray questioned in a gentle tone.
Kai managed to muster up a scowl through his hysteria. "Cause I wouldn't exist so I wouldn't have to feel it!" He yelled back at him.
"But we would. You really want the rest of us to go through what you are here? You haven't killed anyone, regardless of what you think, but you go and continue this, and you will." Ray said a bit more firmer to combat the yelling.
"The hell are you talking about!?" He sniffled gruffly.
"If you killed yourself this is how we would be." He gestured at him almost harshly, "Max would be inconsolable for months, Tyson would probably never speak to anyone again. Dickenson and Grandpa would never be able to forgive themselves. And you didn't kill Wyatt, but if you killed yourself then you'd be a killer like you think you are."
Kai sank and shifted, staying silent for a moment. "Would get over it..." He muttered as quietly as he could.
Ray narrowed his eyes, "NO we wouldn't." He growled slightly.
He flinched at the growl, keeping his eyes on the bed and figuring it was better just to keep his mouth shut.
As Ray's mouth opened to speak there came a quick knock on the door, it opening barely a second later with a nurse poking her head in looking slightly uncomfortable by the yelling she had heard from outside in the hall.
"Dinner." She announced as she stepped in, bringing in a tray.
"Not hungry." Kai snapped at her uncontrollably.
She froze mid step, only three in the room. Her eyes shifting nervously between the two.
"You can put it here, thank you." Ray said as he gestured to the table beside the bed.
She gave him a polite smile, keeping her eyes on Kai on the bed like he was a rabid dog without a chain as she stepped up and placed the tray down. Getting the hell out as soon as she could, pausing at the door.
"I'll be back to collect the tray in an hour." She informed before she slipped out, closing the door behind her quickly.
Kai sank even further into the uncomfortable mattress. This was suffocating...
Ray bopped himself off the bed, taking the initiative to pop the lid off the food that had been brought to take a look.
"Ooo, they gave you some good stuff." He informed over his shoulder.
Kai rolled his eyes as his stomach churned. Belly full of pills and nothing else not feeling that great.
"Then by all means, have at it."
"Oh, I'm not hungry. Plus, hospital food isn't my thing. Remember?" Ray quipped back at him.
Kai huffed. "Ray..." He sighed with a strong, warning tone. He didn't need this.
"Kai." He parroted back, "What you want first?" He asked as he pointed at the tray.
"None of it..." He hissed.
"Probably the soup would be best first, be easier on your stomach." Ray said like he hadn't heard him at all, taking up the bowl it came in and turned to face him. Eyeing him almost threateningly.
"Easy way or hard way?"
Kai narrowed his eyes back at him, "Don't start..." He warned again.
"I didn't start anything here." Ray said innocently, "And I am not above sitting on you and force feeding you. But be warned, it's a little hot."
Kai let out a huge sigh and pinched his nose, head aching and eyes on fire. "Ray, please. I don't want it..." He pleaded in a much softer and more exhausted tone.
"I don't care what you want right now, because if you had your way you wouldn't be here right now. And I'm done sitting back and letting you do this to yourself, all of it." Ray snapped back at him.
Kai flinched again. He hated him when he was like this.
"If I eat it, it's just gonna make me puke. Stop it."
"If that was the case they wouldn't have brought you food at all, now would they?"
Kai finally growled at him. "And I suppose they know how I feel better than I do as well, huh!?"
Ray shrugged his shoulders at him, "Like I said, I don't really care. If you puke, you puke, at least then it'll get that shit out of you."
Kai's eye twitched. Why was he always so god damn infuriating!?
"I said no!" He yelled back, swiping his hand and smashing the bowl out of Ray's hand.
Something akin to a twisted smile creeped up Ray's face, something in his eyes changing though his pupils stayed dilated.
"Now look what you did." He said in weird eerie voice.
Not really giving Kai a chance to respond, less blink, he had him pinned down on his back on the bed. His knees holding Kai's arms down, setting his weight on him fully as he reached out and plucked a bread roll off the tray and tore off a small piece.
"Hard way it is then." He said in that same eerie tone, the look in his eyes almost glistening like something had snapped in his head.
Kai stared back scared and squashed. Ray was a fair bit heavier than him.
"You spun!? Get the hell off me!"
"Mmmmmmm No." Ray seemed to sing out at him as that twisted smile creeped back up his face. "Here comes the birdie." He chuckled, though it was dark, putting the small piece of bread he had torn off to Kai's mouth.
Kai moved his head away best he could. The fuck was wrong with him!? He hummed 'knock it off!' through his pursed lips.
Ray licked the front of his teeth, as stubborn as a mule still. Putting the bread roll between his own teeth, freeing up his left hand, he pinched Kai under the chin and around the cheeks. Forcing his head back around between his legs, pinching harder before he got his mouth parted enough for the piece in his right hand and shoved it in before pinching his nose closed.
Kai let out an angry noise from his throat. He tried to hold on as long as he could, face turning a little blue before he caved, and his mouth opened to gasp for air.
"We done playing these games now?" Ray asked as he looked down at him, seeing the piece he had shoved in there get sucked down Kai's throat with the air.
In a different way to Ray, Kai felt something snap. His eyes watered as he stared up at him. Ray was starting to hate him. He sniffed and nodded gently.
Ray's twisted smile turned more genuine and like his normal one he wore, tearing off another piece of bread and held it up to Kai's mouth as he continued to keep him pinned to the bed. Just in case.
"You know I only have like one life left, right? And you keep scaring the piss out of me here. This has to stop Kai, there are other, better, ways to get you help." He said in a more calming tone than he had since they arrived at the hospital.
"If you don't want to talk to me, or Dickenson or Grandpa then we need to find you professional help. And you may hate me right now, and that's fine, but I'd hate myself worse if you weren't here. So I can live with you being mad at me, but I can't live without you. So please, please get help." He begged.
Kai's silent tears rolled down as he opened his mouth and took it, nodding. The bread sliding down into his queasy stomach.
"I'm sorry Ray..." His voice seeped out in a weepy squeak.
Ray let out a small sigh, lifting his weight off Kai's body and moving to his waist instead. Freeing his arms. Before picking off another piece of the bread, Ray reached over and wiped the few tears off Kai's cheeks.
"Just don't scare me like this again. And I'm sorry you're going through this and wish I could be more help to you." He said gently as he wiped away the tears, sitting back and holding out the bread roll for him.
"I want you to finish this, only in small bites so you don't run the risk of puking it back up while I clean up the mess on the floor."
Kai took it from him and nodded. The least he could do was do as he asked after all this. As Ray climbed off the bed and got to work cleaning the mess he had made, he took his small bites, unsure why the tears were still coming. Probably because yet again, Ray was being the mirror he wanted to avoid looking in.
Getting down and picking up the bowl, thankfully it hadn't broken along the tile floors, he mopped up the broth with a towel from the cabinet.
"You know what we need after all this?" He started, keeping his attention on what he was doing.
Part of him knew now wasn't really the time, but if it kept the silence and crippling depression at bay for just a bit longer, he'd take the distraction now more than anything.
"We need a vacation, like a real one."
Kai frowned as he swallowed. Where had that come from?
"Oh?" He asked as he took another bite.
Ray nodded; the broth cleaned up but still moving his foot against the towel like there was more. Only doing it to avoid looking at him for the time being.
"Mhmm. Just because since everything started a year ago, we haven't really gotten a break, ya know? Sure, we ran all over the world and what not, but we had some hiccups along the way. We get sent home and I break half my body, you had school and now we're in this mess with people trying to take our bit-beasts. I think we deserve a break from it all."
Kai stopped chewing and deflated. Just what he needed. A reminder of how crappy everything was...
At Kai going quiet, Ray finally picked his head up and looked at him. "Maybe do something over the summer, something to look forward too. If you want to go with me that is?"
Kai teared up as the bread came down to his lap. "Do you want me to after all I've done to you?" He asked as his lip wobbled.
Ray's shoulders fell a little as he let out a sigh, turning to face Kai fully and stepped up to the side of his bed. His heart hammering in his chest, though the idea or thought of saying more than he needed to at a moment like this made his mouth close.
Kai didn't need the stress of what opening up would bring. He didn't need a boyfriend, and that was even if Kai was interested in him at all, he needed a friend and someone he could depend on. And he was intent on being that for him right now more than anything.
Though that didn't stop him from throwing his arms around his shoulders, pulling him close to him in a tight hug. Holding onto him like it would be the last time as tears pricked his eyes. Feelings aside, he couldn't lose him in that way. It would only kill him too, inside and out.
"Of course I do… Who else would I want with me?" He choked on a sob, somehow tightening his hold around Kai's neck. "And you've not done anything to me, you're still here and that's what matters to me. Just quit scaring me so damn much. I'll always be here for you, o-okay?" His voice cracked again as the tears poured out harder, burying his face in Kai's neck and the folds of his arms where he held him.
Kai sat stunned as Ray clung to him for dear life and cried. That felt like the millionth time that he had said he'd been scaring him. His eyes burned. Loading up again. If he cried more, his eyes would fall out his head. But yet, it was out of his control.
He wrapped his arms around him back, half eaten bread roll still in hand as he sniffled back. "I don't mean to... I didn't even think about that... What any of this was doing to you. What's wrong with me?" His voice snapped.
"Nothing's wrong with you." Ray hiccuped back, "The universe just hasn't been kind to you."
With a gentle push forward, it was a reverse of The Position as Ray's feet lifted off the floor and got Kai down on his back more gently than when he had pinned him earlier. Not once releasing his hold on him as he settled over him while making sure to keep his reddened face out of sight, he wasn't normally the one who did this. Soon enough he was laid on him, trying to keep most of his weight off so he didn't suffocate him.
Kai went stiff as a board. Well, this was an odd sensation. He dropped the bread roll. Freeing his hands to mirror what Ray did when he did... This, and put his fingers in the back of his hair.
"What are you doing?"
Steam felt as though it was about to shoot out his ears, his face burning harder as he tried to bury it under Kai's chin. He was so bony! It was about as uncomfortable as his cot back home.
"I almost lost you, let me have this. You owe me." He threw back at him.
Kai flinched and nodded, obeying his orders and going back to holding him and fiddling with his hair. In the silent few moments that followed, his scattered and foggy head continued to jump, roll and stop like it had been the whole day.
Maybe he owed Ray more than a hug. Or an apology. It was an odd thought, but maybe he would feel better if he leaned on him. He said that was what he wanted him to do. But, just like those other times he'd wanted to, he had no clue how.
"I uh... I didn't mean to hurt anyone. But it never even crossed my mind. All I can think about is how much I hurt... And how much I want it to stop." He sniffled as he clutched him tighter, "And it just got worse and worse, couldn't see it getting any better. How can it?"
He stopped a second, trying to make his lungs work properly. "So no matter what I did or who I was with, there's always just a little voice reminding me how hopeless it all is... And that there's only one way out."
Ray listened to him, his brain coming back to try and work out a response that was good enough to at least try to help him. These things weren't just cut and dry, wasn't going to be an easy fix or something that would just go away because he wanted it to.
As selfish as it was, he understood what Kai meant but maybe it was even more selfish to want him to stay and battle it. No matter which way they looked, it wasn't going to be easy. It was an uphill battle, day in and day out.
"I know you didn't mean to hurt anyone, but in the end it would. I understand talking can only do so much, but at least then you're not holding it all in and letting it fester and grow inside your head where it gets to the point you can't bear the weight anymore." He sniffed a bit and peeled his head up off Kai's chest to look at him.
"I can't help stop those voices in your head, nobody really can. The bad days will always be there in your head, but so are the good days and good times. And more importantly, we'll always be there for you."
Kai's chest shook more as Ray's soothing eyes came back into view. And so close. His hands slipped to his shoulders. "But you did stop them. For a little while... From the second you called... I felt strong again. So why did it have to come back?"
"You can't be strong all the time Kai, and it's okay not to be. You're only human." He tried to soothe before there were more tears and breakdowns, but maybe that's what Kai needed; just let it go, get it all out while he could to lessen the load on his shoulders some.
"Think my upbringing would disagree with you." He chuckled sadly.
"And that's part of the problem, isn't it?" Ray about snapped, trying to keep it back as much as he could. It wasn't Kai's fault, would never be his fault, for whatever happened back at that terrible place.
"What they did... You know it was wrong, and whatever they tried to feed you was wrong too. Because this is what happens when you try to be strong for too long."
Kai's heart stopped and face fell. Shit, he'd made him angry again.
"I'm sorry!" He spewed out quickly.
Ray arched a brow, "What for? It's not your fault what they did, it's not your fault for any of this Kai. Please know that."
Kai sniffled again, "Cause I keep making you sad or angry!"
"You..." Ray paused before he took a breath and shook his head, "You didn't make me angry, it's just them and bringing them up again that makes me angry. Yeah, you scared me something terrible today and I'm still scared because I don't know how I can help you through this."
"Neither do I! I don't know what to do!" He panicked back. Well fuck, now topping himself wasn't an option, there really was no way out.
Ray's face fell a little, well shit. He broke him again. He was hardly cut out for this himself; he wasn't a professional and it seemed like he just kept putting his foot in his own mouth.
"It's okay. You don't have to have all the answers, one day at a time here. You'll overwhelm yourself again."
Kai wrapped his limbs round him uncontrollably. He didn't mean to do a lot of things tonight... These past months, the year. But he really didn't mean to keep flipping switches right now. Just like everything else, he couldn't help it.
He gripped him harder and continued to shake a little. "Help me..."
Ray swallowed the lump in his throat, his own voice coming out a bit shaky. "I'll do what I can, Kai. I promise. I'm not going anywhere."
"That's what I meant. Just stay with me, please? I haven't got a chance of figuring anything out without you." His voice wobbled back.
The thudding of Ray's heart in his ears came back, about drowning out the rest of the world as he just nodded his head back at him slowly. Unable to really form any words, but maybe words weren't what Kai needed right now.
He put his head back down on his chest, as different as this was he hoped it comforted him like it always did. Half debating if he should purr or not, Kai had said he liked it but that was a year ago. He could have changed his mind by then, but then there was also that back scratch a month back.
He lost the battle, letting a small one slip out from within his chest as it vibrated gently against Kai's own. If he didn't find comfort in it he'd turn it off.
A little noise came out Kai's throat before his bony hips shifted. "...This is wrong."
The switch was shoved into the 'off' position and the purring stopped. "I'm sorry..."
Kai shook his head, wriggling under him and rolling him off him. Like every time 'this' happened, he felt no shame in the moment. He grabbed and rolled him, putting Ray on his back and crawling on, letting his light body flop on top of him.
Just as it should be. He let out a content sigh and waited.
Ray frowned a little despite his arms going around Kai's back and his fingers in his hair. "You know... What if I want to be top sometimes?"
Kai lifted himself a little and smirked slightly. "This is my thing. You get your own..."
Ray pouted out his bottom lip, "Like what?"
Kai shrugged. "I dunno. Experiment."
"So... You didn't like me being on top? I didn't think it was that bad." Ray continued to pout while he tried to think of something.
Kai blushed. "N-no!' He stuttered, "It isn't that exactly..."
"Mhmm, okay." Ray scoffed lightly, "Least this is a bit better, was starting to hurt my head with your bony shoulder."
Kai shifted on top of him, embarrassed. "That was kind of the problem..." He blushed harder. Where he had turned into a skeleton, Ray had... Filled out.
"Are you calling me fat?!" Ray asked in a slightly appalled tone, "I'm not that heavy."
"No!" He squeaked back. "No! You're not the problem! You uh... You uh..."
Ray waited for his answer, though the stuttering was all he got out of him for a few seconds. "I what?" He pressed.
Kai's face turned beet red. "Muscle weighs more than fat..."
Ray cocked a brow, trying to get a look at himself around Kai's body laying against his. "All that mountain climbing I guess, had nothing better to do half the time." He said a bit mindlessly.
"Oooo, we could find some mountains around here, get you bulked up again." He said a bit too eagerly.
Kai's pride took a hint and wilted into him. "Thanks..." He replied less than enthusiastically.
Awesome. He looked like shit as well as felt it. And hell, a few laps on the beach almost killed him. He'd really let himself go...
"What I do wrong now?" Ray asked in a small whine.
Kai sighed. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"Then what's wrong?" Ray asked as he ran his fingers through the back of Kai's hair.
"I look like this..."
"And it's an easy fix, not that it needs to be fixed that's not what I'm saying!" Ray spewed out quickly, "I just... I kinda miss being thrown like a sack of potatoes..." He mumbled low as his face turned colors.
Kai lifted a brow, "And what if I want you to throw me around?"
"This is your thing, that's my thing." Ray answered with a slight chuckle.
Kai chuckled back before his face fell. "Can I show you something gross?" He blurted out.
"I... I guess?" Ray answered a bit uneasily.
Kai stayed still for a moment, head screaming at him to back out. His body moved to sit up on top of him. His heart slammed against his visible rib cage as he lifted his shirt up.
Ray couldn't look away even if he wanted to, "I've seen these..." He said before he could stop himself.
Kai flushed hard. The fuck was he even doing?! "I-I know. Those weren't the gross thing. I meant this..." He muttered as he jabbed at his ribs and hallow belly.
"It's not gross." Ray spat out the first thing his brain kicked out of him as he took it all in. Just sitting there... On his waist...
He felt something close to a sweat break over his skin.
Kai's face fell. "You don't need to lie, Ray..."
"But I'm not?" Ray gave him look of hurt, "I've never lied to you, have no reason to." He sat up a little, just to try and calm the rest of his body down if he wasn't laid on his back with Kai sat up there.
"If you're not happy with the way you look then only you can change it, but really I see nothing that wrong with it. Yeah, could use a few extra pounds because it is a bit concerning, but this isn't gross." He said, and for whatever reason touched Kai's stomach.
Kai's head fell down to look at the hand on him. The warmth felt... So nice.
"Why is everything down to me to change when I don't know how to do it?"
"Well I didn't say you had to do it by yourself, but it's your body. Most people don't like being told what they can and can't do with their own body, so I didn't want to come off as that way."
The smirk came back. "Since when don't you like telling me what to do?"
Ray smirked back at him, "Oh no, I still enjoy that immensely."
Kai leaned forward into his hand more, bringing his own down to rest on him. "Which is exactly why I need you."
Fuses blew left and right in Ray's head. Part of this was too much and not enough. He only had one life left but given the circumstances he'd give it up willingly.
Like a string had tied around them, tugging them closer, he leaned forward not even sure exactly what he was doing while at the same time being fully aware. It was a weird feeling that made butterflies flutter in his stomach, his heart so loud in his ears he almost didn't hear the knock on the door.
"I've come to collect the tray." The kind, nervous, nurse from earlier said as she poked her head into the door.
Like they shocked each other without even touching, Ray jolted back away from Kai as all the blood in his face drained.
"Okay." He squeaked something terrible back at her.
The nurse smiled as she stepped in, eyeing the two on the bed in the weird position they were in. She kept smiling as she picked up the tray, even if it hadn't been touched and gathered it in her hands.
"The doctor will be in shortly to come and talk to you." She directed at Kai with a small bow and stepped back out of the room.
Once she stepped out, Kai snapped his head back to Ray. "What does he want?!"
"Probably to check on how you're feeling, same thing they always like to do." Ray shrugged back at him, thankful that what he had been trying to do a few seconds ago went right out the door with the nurse.
"Least they're not coming to twist your ankle or something."
"Wish they wouldn't bother." He muttered, upset that someone was coming to get between them for a minute.
"It'll be quick, it's mostly just so they can hear themselves talk. But, if you just answer him and stuff it'll go by quicker and who knows. Maybe they'll let you come home early." He shrugged.
Kai slumped into him and nodded. "Okay..."
Ray smiled a little, putting his arms back around him and pulled him close again. Thank God that nurse came in when she did. The hell had he been thinking?! Kai didn't need that, he kept telling himself that but at the time he wasn't thinking. What kind of friend was he to take advantage of Kai in this state?
He was terrible, and it wasn't like Kai even liked him like that. It could have ruined everything from the past year and up to now. As much as it hurt, he had to bury these feelings. Quickly and hard. Push them out now before he really did something he'd regret.
"Need you to get up." He pat him on the back, maybe in a bit too friendly force, as he let him go.
"Why?" He asked back quickly.
"So I can get you food since the nurse took it."
Kai huffed and shifted off him reluctantly. "Thanks..."
Ray shuffled off the bed quickly, "I won't be gone long, anything in particular you want? I'll see if they have it."
Kai shook his head. Nothing, truth be told. "Anything is fine."
Ray nodded, catching sight of the forgotten bread roll on the bed. "Finish that while I'm gone." He pointed it out, it must have gotten stuck behind him at some point.
Kai stared at it and made a face. It looked mangled to hell... But Ray would be upset if he didn't... There was always the trash can?
Ray saw him looking at it, it was a little roughed up. Not to mention he had been laying on it...
"Never mind, just throw it away." He waved off quickly before heading to the door, "But what I bring back you best eat, or there will be a repeat. Understand?"
Kai nodded and blushed. He hadn't thought too much about it in the moment due to being crushed, but his thighs and... Stuff had been right in his face.
Ray gave him a quick wave over his shoulder before he slipped out the door, a little more than thankful for the time apart to gather his bearings back and the small physical distance it provided right now. Just hopefully the doctor didn't come in without him there while he was gone.
As the door clicked shut it was pushed back open, "Mr. Hiwatari, how are we feeling this evening?" The doctor asked as he stepped into the room.
Kai's heart stopped as he tensed. "My friend just..." He babbled as he pointed at the door.
The doctor arched a brow as he glanced up from his clipboard, "Well I'm not here for them, I'm here for you. So how are you?" He asked.
Kai shifted uncomfortably. "Could you come back in a minute, please?"
The doctor let out a slight huff, "It's just a simple questionnaire son, nothing to be afraid of."
"And it can wait until he comes back." He added as he folded his arms and ignored the cold sweat forming.
"Alright, if it helps." The doctor said and sat on the chair beside the bed.
Kai eyed him. "Meant go somewhere else, but all right..." He muttered under his breath.
About twenty or so minutes later Ray was on his way back to Kai's room, food in hand for the both of them. He figured since he was hungry himself maybe it'd help Kai eat if he wasn't just sitting there and watching him.
As he opened the door he was hit in the face by a gust of tension, seeing the doctor there in the chair and the two avoiding eye contact like they'd turn to stone if they did.
"Evening sir." Ray greeted as he stepped into the room and shut the door with his foot, setting the bags of food on the bed by Kai's feet.
"Evening." He greeted back with a nod. Turning to his actual patient he cleared his throat, "Now may we begin?"
Kai shifted and nodded, still avoiding looking at him. The hell had taken Ray so long!? That had felt like hours.
"Good. Now, how are you feeling this evening? Any complications with your stomach, or your head and vision?" The doctor began while Ray was unpacking their food from the bags.
"Feel a little bit sick..." He muttered back.
"We can prescribe something to combat that." The doctor said with a slight hum in the back of his throat, "It's going to take a day at most for everything to flush out of your system." He informed while writing out a note on his clipboard.
"Have you actually been able to eat anything? I see your friend brought food, are you still hungry?" He asked as he pointed at Ray with the end of his pen.
Kai blushed as the muscular thighs came back to his mind. "Just a little bread..."
The humming noise came back, jotting something else down. "Don't force yourself, the stomach acid mixed in with the dissolving pills won't be too kind if it all came back up." He informed. "We're still going to keep you for observation, you're free to go after the 24 hour period. I'll be back in about four hours; a nurse will bring you some nausea medication in the meantime."
"Mmhmm." He answered back. What dazzling help that had been...
"Thank you." Ray called as the doctor left them, the door shutting without getting an answer.
"Okay, so I have fried chicken some onigiri, a bento set, annnnnd a coffee cream treat thing." Ray listed off as he gestured at it all.
Kai forced a smile as stomach acid churned. Why? Why would he pick something greasy?
"Thanks..."
"The chicken is mainly for me; you can have whatever else you can stomach right now." Ray said as he plucked it off the bed, going to his chair.
Kai nodded and picked up the onigiri, eyeing it in challenge. Ray said he wanted it all gone... He made a face as he chewed. Rice had never tasted so bad...
"The cafeteria was closed, so I had to go down the street to the corner store. Sorry." Ray explained.
Kai's expression changed, making himself swallow it down in to his acidic stomach. "You didn't have to do that..."
Ray shrugged while he chewed, "I was hungry anyways."
Kai nodded and went back at it, taking bigger bites to make it go away quicker.
"Take it slow, the doc said not to force yourself." Ray said as he gaped slightly at him.
Kai gave him a look that showed the struggle. "Mmhmm." Ah, fuck. Was still a bento...
Ray saw his eyes go down to it, "We can share it, it's pretty big."
Kai nodded. That was something... He could manage half, surely. He peeled off the lid, doubting himself more as his guts churned and got angry at the rice ball intruder.
He stabbed up yet more rice from the plastic tray and shoved it in. Urgh... He had to suck it up and do it. Ray would be upset if he didn't. His mood plummeted.
Jesus, Kai. After everything Ray did for you, and you can't even eat half a bento for him?
His eyes welled up as he tried his best to swallow it more... Just fucking do it...
Keeping his eyes on Kai his heart stopped at the tears he saw coming to his eyes, the way he was forcing himself to even chew what was in his mouth again like he was eating nails.
"Hey, it's okay if you can't eat right now. Don't force yourself, we can just close it up and save it for later." He suggested as he put a hand to Kai's leg where he could reach him.
Kai turned his teary glare to the stupid tray and stabbed up some potato salad. He could do it...
When it got close to his face, the smell of mayonnaise hit his nose, making him gag. He slammed his chopsticks down onto the clear lid along with the abandoned lump of potato and glared angrily at his legs. He was such a fucking asshole.
His lip wobbled and the glare vanished. "Sorry..."
"It's okay." Ray shook his head some, getting up and closing the box back up. "We'll just hold onto it." He said again as he put it back in the bag with the other things that hadn't been touched.
Kai eyed the bag and felt even worse. Didn't even manage a fraction of what he'd bought...
Tying and taking the bag to the table by the bed, Ray found himself sat back on the chair. A little lost on what to do now, thankfully the nurse popped back in quickly to diffuse the awkwardness before it started to drip from the ceiling.
"This was for your nausea." She said and held out a small plastic cup with two pills in the bottom and a cup of water in the other out to Kai.
"Thank you..." His wobbly voice let out as he cleaned up his face quick with the back of his hand. He took them and tossed them back.
Tasted like chalk...
"Could I have some more water, please?" He asked in a very different tone that he'd taken with her before.
"Of course." She smiled and stepped out of the room quickly, a few seconds gone by before she brought in a small container with water inside and a straw out the top.
"Can just hold onto this for tonight." She said as she handed it to him, "Is there anything else you might need?"
Kai side glanced Ray all the way over in the chair. Away from him.
"Can he have something to sleep on?"
"I'll see if we have anything." She smiled and took her leave again.
Ray frowned a little now that they were alone again, "You didn't want me to sleep with you?"
Kai pouted, "Of course I did, but you look all weird!"
Ray arched a brow, "What're you talking about?"
Kai folded his arms and hunched his shoulders. He couldn't blame him... He had tried to kill himself. Ray had found him. The whole night had been an insane emotional roller coaster. If it had been the other way, if he had opened a door and found Ray like that...
He visibly shivered. Hard.
"I uh... Just get it if you don't want to tonight." He replied quietly.
Ray blinked a few times at him, did he come across as not wanting to be beside him? Had he done or said something wrong again? He wanted to kick himself, why was he so terrible at this.
"If you want me to I don't mind, Kai. Might be too weird after sleeping together after so long, but if you're not comfortable with it I can sleep here or on whatever they bring me."
Kai slid over to make room and let his head sink so that his bangs covered up his eyes.
"...Please."
Ray obeyed, climbing up onto the bed beside him and held his arms open for him to lay down on his chest. Kai let the appreciative smile crack, assuming 'The Position'. He lowered himself back down and wiggled on top to get comfortable. This was the best anti-depressant there was...
Like an automatic reaction, Ray's arms went around him. Sinking into the bed as a yawn slipped out, his fingers through Kai's hair.
"About that vacation, where you wanna go?" He asked.
Kai let out a content sigh, "Anywhere as long as it's with you."
"Would be bad if I didn't show up to my own vacation." Ray chuckled before he went into thought, "Oh, what about a festival? I've always wanted to go to one."
Kai arched a brow and lifted his head a little. Festival? The hell? That wasn't a vacation! That was crowds and noise.
"You mean like... Burning Man or something?"
Ray shrugged, "Fireworks, food stalls, things like that. But that's just one thing to do, I'm thinking maybe a week at most to just go off and do whatever."
Kai lifted his head completely. Noses almost touching. "Ohhhhh. A summer festival? Those things are everywhere. That's all you wanted? Around Japan?" He asked with the slightest hint of disappointment. No Tahiti? No bathing suits? No flowers in his hair and drinks that came with the little umbrellas?
"Mhmm, yeah something like that I guess. What did you want to do?" Ray asked as he could feel his face and brain overheating again at the closeness.
Kai's face burned back. Did... Did he pitch the secluded island with little clothing?
"I dunno. Tropical island away from everything?" He said in 'jest' with an awkward laugh.
"Well if we're doing that, make it a year." Ray chuckled back.
The images of that idea already coming to light in his filthy head. Kai would look good sunbathing in nothing...
Kai's eyes bugged out his head. "Seriously!?"
"Yeah, why not? Wouldn't happen to have a private island, would ya?"
Kai stared at him, mind working overtime. All he needed to do was get access to his bank...
How was he going to do that?
"It's fine if you don't, we'll figure out the details once this mess is taken care of." Ray waved off at the silence.
Kai's eye twitched. He bet he could outwit the old man somehow in to giving him the information...
Ooooooooo the sunsets would be amazing. Every night! A-and the stars!
"Ooooo, what about the Bahamas? Everybody goes there." Ray said just to fill in the still silence. Had Kai broke on him again?
Kai wriggled on top of him. "Sure! Whatever you want! I hear they have pink sand beaches!"
With the wiggling on him Ray's throat dried up on him. Oh God... Kai shouldn't do that. Minus the slight discomfort from his bony body, he was on top of him and the friction it made was causing another discomfort in his lower regions and it wasn't like he'd be able to wiggle his way out of an explanation if it decided to wake up.
He sucked in a breath that he hadn't meant to do, "Kai..." And that shouldn't have come out in a whine like it did.
"Yeh!?" He fired out. Did he have more ideas for their vacation!?
"I gotta get up, need the bathroom." Ray explained quickly, he couldn't waste precious time in trying to think of something else. He needed Kai off of him now.
"Oh. Sure." He answered as he rolled off him.
Like a flash of light Ray was up quickly, rushing to the bathroom and slamming the door behind before locking it. Last time he had been in a hospital bathroom Kai had made friends with the wall and busted his nose up, not to mention had seen him in nothing but his birthday suit.
He groaned inwardly; he had made it in time but now it was awake. This was awful. What exactly was the appeal of getting hard-ons in a hospital, this was the second time this had happened!
Kai sat and twirled his thumbs on the bed, waiting for him to come back, losing himself in the fantasy of the two of them laying on a pink beach without a care. Just the two of them.
Ray was probably a real good swimmer; he would wait for him while Ray went in the sea for a dip... And come out like Daniel Craig in that Bond movie... All wet and muscular and doing shit with his hair.
After having bashed his forehead against the tiled wall a few good times until the beast went away, thankful he wore a headband to cover the bruise he no doubt left behind, he flushed the toilet and washed his hands with having to play up that he actually did something in there.
With a deep breath to gather the lost air in his lungs, he pulled on the handle. It was time for bed, before more weird shit happened.
"So Bahamas it is then?" He asked as he made his way back to the bed.
Kai wriggled a little more as he came back to him. "Yeh! Wherever you wanna go!"
Ray just nodded as he settled back down beside the excited puppy, praying that he would stop with the wiggling before he climbed back on him.
"Sounds good." He faked yawned, "Sleep first though."
Kai lazily flung himself back on. "Yeh, yeh... What you wanna do there? You know much about what there is to see!?"
Ray shook his head at him, "We'll figure it out when we get there. For now, shhhh." Ray hushed as he tried to get him to shut up by stroking his hair and purring softly as Kai's weight settled back on him.
Kai shifted to get comfy. "Bet there's all kinds of cool stuff for us to see..." He rambled, wanting to keep these nicer thoughts and feelings going. He smiled a little at the purring, pressing his ear a little harder and closing his eyes to let it come clearer.
"Ooooh. I bet they do cool cooking classes. You'd like that..."
"Oooooo." Ray drawled out before he searched out Kai's lips, pressing his index finger to them. "Now shhhhhh."
Kai did as he was told for a minute, letting his body go limp and relaxed as his mind ticked over. "Ray?" He let out sleepily.
"Kai?" Ray parroted back, his eyelids actually getting heavy on him.
He gripped his shirt and snuggled into him harder. "Thanks."
Letting some strands of Kai's hair to slip through his fingers, he cracked an eye open. "What for?"
Kai let a breath out his nose. For too many things to count. But most recently, saving his life. And for reminding him he did have something, someone, that was so worth living for.
"Everything..."
The afternoon after that awful night, where Kai had tried to end it all with a bottle of pills, Tyson, Max and Kenny sat in the living room with eyes fixed on the gate as they waited anxiously for Grampa's car to come in to view in the window.
It still hadn't sunk in properly for any of them. That Kai, the one they had all feared for months, and depending on his mood, still did, could have fallen so low that he'd result to that.
It had all happened so fast. Ray had come in crying for Grampa, the two of them vanished upstairs, next thing Kai was being taken out the door. They hadn't even been told what he'd done. Had no explanation to give Mr. Dickenson on the phone other than he was being taken to the hospital.
After what he'd seen after Wyatt passed, Tyson had assumed he'd found something to cut with again, which had been scary enough. There was nothing strong enough to wipe that memory from his mind. But after the initial frenzy, once the house had grown quiet again, a trip to the bathroom and an empty pill bottle on the floor made everything clear.
Tyson hadn't really said a word after that. Max occasionally tried to start a distracting conversation, Kenny joining to try and help but it just fell flat. None of them knew what to do. There was nothing. All they could do was wait for them to come home and figure it all out together.
...How could he do that? To himself? To them? He knew Kai could be selfish. But he never thought he could be this selfish...
He burned with anger. With sadness. What if Ray hadn't gone to check on him? What if he'd waited a few extra precious minutes and it had been too late? He'd have died...
Their best friend and captain, who they'd all come to love even though he was a massive jerk and overall pain in the ass would have be laying in a casket just like Wyatt had.
Never again to cold shoulder them, lecture them. Have those rare, more tender moments with where he let his guard down just a little.
His eyes watered hard, rage blending with heart wrenching sadness at the mere thought.
...What was taking so long? He wanted him home! Now!
Fortunately, a few more grueling minutes later, the familiar car pulled up outside. In unison, the three of them shot up from the coach, dashing to the hallway to wait for them, all of them with nerves raging through them as they lined up, as if waiting to greet royalty.
How did they welcome him back? This wasn't a broken bone or something. This was a broken spirit and heart.
Hey didn't seem right.
They froze as the front door clicked, pushing open and Grampa stepping in, giving them a soft and sympathetic smile as he quickly got his shoes off to let the boys in. With the sun's light glaring in the doorway, the silhouettes of familiar hair stepped in together. The three younger ones froze. Kai froze. Time seemed to freeze.
Ray decided to try and break the ice, patting Kai's shoulder to get him to get his shoes off, get himself inside and comfortable. The only problem was, as Kai stepped in, the barrier of sad and nervous faces that hadn't budged.
His eyes barely glanced up at them, ashamed to really look them in the face. They stared back relentlessly. The warning signs had been there since he even came back. Skin and bone. Hair dull and nowhere near as healthy as it was. The patched up wrists.
For once, Kai couldn't take the silence. He lifted his head to them, finding himself with no words. But he did find Tyson's brown eyes looking at him in a way he'd never seen Tyson look before. His breath caught in his throat, another tense few moments before Tyson's feet moved forwards. For the first time, Kai found himself wanting to step back from him.
His eyes shone, a film of tears in front of blazing as he stepped up to him.
Out of nowhere, his face changed, gritting, before his hands threw out to Kai's chest and shoved as hard as he could, a furious growl leaving him as he did.
They all lost their breaths from their lungs as Kai stumbled back, Ray getting ready to catch him with his eyes slitting instantly. Kai didn't need catching, finding his feet a few steps later, staring in shock at the furious face looking back at him like he was about to get the shit kicked out of him.
But the face changed. The rage turned to anguish. His frown turned to a furrow. His grit teeth turned in to a trembling lip and the fire in his eyes got flooded out with water.
He lunged towards him, throwing the arms that had shoved him around him and squeezing for dear life, head pushed in to Kai's bony shoulder.
"You idiot!" His shrill sob deafened in his ear.