SerenityxEndymion: wow hope that's a good thing. And yeah its going to be soon for them to talk but first we have something else to come up first.
Princesakarlita411: yeah it was well needed.
LoveInTheBattleField: thanks.
Joanne Frances Tiano Cajilig: thanks, it was a collective of things coming together, much like this one is.
Rjzero00: yeah you'll find out more in this coming chapter. And she is growing up here, as for the band-aid, that'll be coming into this chapter. She sent her home so Chibi Usa will be out of the view of people. Yeah Tyler's view needed that closure on it as Mamoru tries to work out what's going on in his head. In this case its not really him being weak its him feeling like every time he makes headway something happens to put a block in the path so to speak. As for the fallout it'll be interesting.
5 reviews nice, only two chapters left and were done. This has been a long journey and while I'm still looking for a new story to write I'll still be at it with the drabbles, please read and review!
Breaking point ch.36
Minako POV
I can't believe it's been days since Usagi has found out about Chibi Usa and how we kept it from her. During that time no one has received a call or text back from the numerous ones we've all sent out to her. Apologies, texts that were begging for her to come to us so we could all talk to her. Those came out after the first day that she didn't say anything to us, especially when we saw how she left the park.
It already felt too long since we'd spoken to her. We were all so worried especially after what we witnessed in the park that night and had already agreed NOT to intervene on. Despite the fact that at that point we all wanted to intercede and FIX the situation. It was our promise to each other to STOP the other from interfering so that Mamoru could make this right on his own and not rely on us.
Unfortunately, as we watched the scene unfold, we knew what we were witnessing. It was like watching a drama series that we could actually intervene on but choose not to so that the 'titular character' could right the wrong he made on his own. It was aggravating to say the least. An unfortunate piece that we did notice though was that it had clearly been a misunderstanding that had just been created as he ran up and saw the two.
We saw two people obviously parting ways but remaining friends for the long run, but from his jealous and insecure angle it looked intimate…like he lost her to another man for good and now he was losing himself in his sorrows and anger. Part of me during that was hoping that he'd act out again, only this time that the outcome would be different yet this time, while it was different its wasn't in a good way.
Ami had stopped me from unconsciously starting to tinker with the red string of love between them. I had nodded and resisted as we continued to watch. He looked defeated this time and we all felt for him, yet we did nothing. We had felt for him enough already and it was his time to work this out for himself. At least for that part. We still had our own misgivings to fix with her and we would be doing that hopefully soon.
I was hoping that Mamoru would have better luck by going over to her parent's place today since the weekend was over now to talk to her. Maybe get her to want to talk to us all by making that move forward. He had gone over there after we got off school to talk to her more, but her father answered the door. It was no secret that Usagi's father wasn't a fan of Mamoru. The tales of him scaring off boys from his daughter since she turned of age had become a bit of a legend in their neighborhood as well as others.
People thought it was a joke till the day Mamoru literally ran from the house when Chibi Usa came around and her father wasn't too far behind him. From what we gathered Usagi was doing work around the house and her father basically refused to let Mamoru in to see her. He didn't think her father knew what state they were in relationship wise BUT he sensed that Usagi told him she didn't feel like seeing anyone today.
So for him to text me back 'her father wouldn't let me see her, will have to try at her school instead' just made me more frustrated. I knew he had failed cause even he wouldn't want to push the man. Kenji wasn't one to back down easily as evident whenever an attack would happen with him around he was utterly defensive of his family. Something that made all of us respect and love the man as a father figure.
He could be especially protective against a guy that wanted to date his daughter or get close enough to her heart. He was a protective father who loved his kids and though no one faulted him for that he could take it to extremes at times. As proof in his unregister gun that Usagi mentioned once or twice. I know Mamoru could handle him but resisted in doing so for Usagi's sake and her father's as well.
After all Mamoru was quiet capable of himself as that's been proven numerously. He just wouldn't want to get the guys blood pressure up especially if there was another way. So school it was for now. Ami and Makoto tried to talk to her at school but she huddled away from them and back towards Naru and Umino, avoiding them. I wish I could have done something but both my school and Rei's are just too far away to go there and talk to her in time to be able to dart back to our own schools before the final bells ring.
So we couldn't do anything right now. The girls and I were debating on just simply going over there to her place to try to talk to her despite Mamoru's failed attempts but Makoto advised that she needed her space from us after everything. I had a feeling she was speaking from experience so I let the matter settle for the next day. It was just hard since we loved her so much. A bad call was made and now we were dealing with the results.
"Still hasn't talked to you guys yet." Artemis hoped up on my bed as I wiped a tear away. "I don't know what else to do. I've gone through the possible scenarios…" I told him, "I think you're doing what you need to do right now. Doing what she wants." he told me, I looked to him, "I'm not doing anything. All I can do is think about is what we've done." I tell him as he nuzzles my hand wrapped around my leg.
"And that's what she wants. She wants you to think about what's been done towards her, what she sees as the wrong decision." I look down at him, "Do you think I made the wrong choice?" I asked him. "I think you did what you thought was the best decision at the time. I may not have made the same decision but this is a part of learning and growing as not only a senshi but as a friend and sister." He spoke.
I wasn't sure of that was a good thing or a bad thing right now, "Don't be cryptic Artemis. Tell me what you honestly think. Did I really mess up that badly?" I asked him as I sniffed at the near dried up tear tracks on my face. I was worried about how these results would pan out. I saw his face fall a bit, "I can't tell you what to do on this Minako…" he started as he regarded me not only as a senshi but as his friend to.
"But I can say this, you made a semi understandable decision as a leader, one that a commander in an army would make to prevent future faults from happening on the battlefield. In that sense it was a wise decision and I accept that…" he began, "However as a friend, you hurt Usagi, your friend, by not only not telling her but by in a sense, letting her think things were okay when you hung out with her, and in doing so even in a sense deceived her." the realization of his words dawned on me.
"I guess it can be seen that way huh." I sighed as I began to cry harder for my friend. I didn't care about me at this point, I only cared about how Usagi was. "I just wanted Usagi to make her decision without any influence. To be happy with her choice in the end and let it be that, HER choice. She deserves it after everything. I never meant to hurt her, only to help her. I wasn't even trying to help Mamoru. Bugger always called me for assistance." I tell him as he nuzzles up to me for comfort.
"I know…and I to a degree agree with your actions, it doesn't however validate what the end results were." I nod, "Perhaps, I just didn't expect this to happen." I confess as he tells me I know, "But this maybe perhaps what usagi wants you to feel. To think about." I nodded as I realized that he may have a point. Usagi wanted us to feel and reflect on what happened as she had done once herself. One thing was for certain things were definitely going to change around here one way or another.
Rei POV
According to Minako, Mamoru had left Usagi's parent's home back to his place after his failed attempt to talk to her. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do so I went over to his place as a friendly peace offering. I was hoping to help bring the gap between the two together so that the crappy meddling that we had done could be fixed. So I figured to try and pull a 'Usagi' by meddling one last time even though Minako and the others insisted to stay out of it till Usagi spoke to us at least.
I was however impatient and didn't have the perseverance to deal with waiting so instead I went over to his place and knocked. When he answered I found that he looked utterly disheveled. Like he hadn't slept all weekend and probably hadn't eaten much either. He looked stunned and almost weary to see me. That was slightly painful to see angled towards me, I had thought we were past this.
"Have you heard from her?" he asked. Of course his first concern would be towards her, didn't keep the slight sting from entering my mind though. "Nice to see you to." He nearly glared at me, "No, none of us have." I fallback and admit as I gesture to be let in. He seems reluctant at first but then eventually gives in. As I walk in, I see the broken remnants of his glass balcony door and a garbage can full of broken glass from not only it but from what looks like a vase that was broken to.
I also notice some scuff marks near his coffee table as I decide against taking off my shoes. I was now weary of possible other invisible glass fragments he may have missed in his state, "Decide to do some redecorating." I mutter as I walk in further. My shoes clicking on the wooden floor as I continue forward. "What do you want Rei?" he was closing himself off. Not that I could blame him in this case, but still I wanted him to know he could come to me.
It however didn't stop me from sighing as I knew I had some of this coming, "Despite the other girls not helping you right now, I feel that I should. I created a bit of the havoc that happened between you and Usagi and I want to try to make things right." he looks to me a bit stunned. It dawns on me a bit that he is really shocked I'd help him out and frankly it's a tad insulting to me, "Don't look at me like that, I wasn't a monster, I was just…it's a lot to explain and go into, point is I can help now so do you want it or not?" I asked him.
He sighed, "I was going to talk to her after her last class tomorrow at her school." I saw the benefit in that but I also saw the downside in it to. "I don't think that'll work, not even the girls have been able to talk to her and they GO to school with her. No you need something a tad more confrontational than that." I concluded as he waved his hands at me in a 'cancel that' motion, "No, I don't want Usagi to feel trapped. I want her to listen to me but to feel free to leave still to." He tells me.
"You sure do like to make things harder on yourself don't you." I snip a bit sarcastically, "I don't try to…it just happens that way." He defended. "I'm just saying I don't think afterschool will work in your favor." He concedes to this point, "Then what? It's been days now and I can't think straight." He walks away as I look at him. His posture is nerve racked as if he's been way to caffeinated and unable to sleep at the same time.
His body wants to crash but his brain and heart obviously won't let him. His eyes are even looking a tad sunken in from lack of sleep as his muscles, nice and taut as they are begin to bulge from being unable to do something about what he really wants to do. "I just can't believe it. I finally meet and fall in love with this amazingly fantastic woman, and find out we have this amazing future together and I blow it!" his hand smashed through a part of the glass door that hadn't been broken off yet.
I jump out of reflex as more glass comes crashing down narrowly missing his own slipper covered feet as it sounds off in his place. Its near deafening in the otherwise silent room. The walls make it echo loudly as I cringe from it. I can then see the blood begin to drip down his wrist towards his forearm as I run and grab a towel from the kitchen and go to him only for him to pull away from my attempts to stanch the bleeding.
"Mamoru!" I protested trying to wrap the wound up, "NO!" he moved back, "I deserve whatever pain life had to throw at me now. I deserve this for hurting her and messing up." he mutters as he indicates the new wound on his hand. I see the devastation on his face, I see how much this pains him to not be with her. I clench the towel just a tad tighter in my hand as I look at his whole form in the bit of light.
To feel so much love for someone that flees from you after so much suffering they've endured from your own mistakes even after they constantly fought to make it right with you. The pain is all over his form. He's hunched over and utterly unapproachable. Any lesser of a woman would walk away and let him sit and stew in his misery. Briefly recalling Usagi telling all of us at one point or another of Saori makes think of what she would do but something does tell me seconds later that she couldn't handle Mamoru like this.
She wasn't woman enough for him as Usagi was. It strikes me strangely how Usagi is fit for him in so many ways and can pull him out of moods the way no other could. It's a strange gut feeling I have and it's one of the few reasons why I know that doing this is what I need to do for them both. So, knowing that I to wasn't lesser of a woman and just as I knew that Usagi wouldn't tuck tail and leave I wasn't going to either.
Though I will admit that I briefly feel a tinge of jealousy that what he's feeling, that the utter love and need to have the woman of his dreams isn't for me. I feel my own emotions on it and realize that while yes I felt feelings towards him in the beginning at one point when we first met, what I really felt was the want within myself to find someone with a kindred soul to spend my life with as Usagi had found it with him.
I was jealous of Usagi for having that, not for having him but having found that special someone that you know you want to spend your life with. I wanted my own happy ending and felt jealous towards that and I mistook it all this time and let it fester and grow. I was only thankful that an enemy never spotted or noticed this and used it against us at all. I was suddenly very glad that Usagi and I had had our talk when we did.
I was able to see past so many issues that were in the way before to the truth deep within myself and for that I will never forget it. I will forever be grateful for her for giving us the chance to talk and bond. Even if this did happen if I could make this right then it just might help us all bond and become closer for it. After all I missed my friend. I let what happened turn our friendship around and get twisted and hurt her. I needed to make this right.
So as I toss him the towel he catches it yet doesn't look at me. Clearly indicating that it's only on reflex that he does, "Then stop being a damned baby about it." he looks to me in slight shock that I'm yelling at him, "Excuse me?!" he asks, his tone getting near warning levels to either explain myself fast or back off and let him sulk like the child he knows he's acting like, "You heard me!" his chest began to puff out in his anger.
I knew I had to talk fast for him to get the point, "If you're going to get her back then you need to stop feeling sorry for your bad self and take action. And not breaking your place action!" I snap at him as I indicate his place and how he really needs to regain some self-control. "I mean seriously, you break stuff just to relieve some anger?" I near asked, "I broke it cause I was pissed at myself and for seeing her with him…again!" he snapped back.
I remembered seeing that myself, but I didn't want to give away that we had been there and saw what had happened. "Are you sure you saw what you think you saw?" he shot his eyes to me, "Whatever it was." I amended myself. "I…" he looked to be in reflection on it, "I saw…" I watched him closely on his emotions, "Could it be that whatever it was that you saw had added emotional stressors going on that could have made it seem worse than what it really was?" I expressed to him.
I was trying hard to show him that things weren't as they seemed without giving myself away. I watched him wrestle with this as he walked forward and stood by the coffee table. "It's possible." He finally conceded, "It just looked like she was going back to being with him." He tells me, "You mean Tyler?" I asked, pretending to clarify as he looked to me, "Yeah." He muttered, "Mamoru one date that ended as it did does NOT constitute as them being together to begin with. Trust me I've had that pointed out to myself before." I tell him.
Not that I wanted him to know why I had that pointed out to me. He didn't need to know I had to have OUR initial relationship explained to me when I assumed we were dating for the few times we hung out. That had hurt my ego a bit and it took me a while to let it go. I may not act like it but I do have a bit of an ego and I don't like for people to see that they can knock it down or know I have one.
Back to the subject at hand here, "How about I tell her that there's an emergency meeting for the senshi at the temple. I'll tell the girls what the real reason is, but we need something to get her out there to hear us out. To hear you out." I suggest, "You want to LIE to her AGAIN just to get her to listen to us?" he asks while arching a brow at me. Yes I see the dilemma in that one to, "You have a better one?" I ask as I get my phone out to get ready to send the message to all the girls of what were going to do.
"No…but I don't see how lying to her is going to be helpful when it was lying to her to begin with that got her pissed with us to begin with." He mutters to me. Just when I'm about to hit send I get a message from Usagi to all of us girls and even his phone buzzes on the countertop. I stop him from going to it as I have a feeling on who its from, "Its Usagi…" I tell him stunned as he rushes to get his phone to see the message himself.
Opening it we read together without thinking, "Emergency meeting at the temple tomorrow after school." I begin as Mamoru reads the last part that's in bold capital letters, "Everyone's attendance is mandatory." We look to each other, shock apparent for both of us, "Well I guess my being here is a bit pointless now." I realize as Usagi took it upon herself to send out an emergency meeting notice to all of us, beating me to the punch. "I guess I better go. If we're all going to this meeting you'll need your sleep." I warn.
Even though we both know as long as he's worried about this meeting now and how it'll affect his relationship with Usagi, he won't get any rest. "I'll try…" he responds as the girls all respond back with their various texts. I have a feeling though that Usagi won't respond to anything till tomorrow when she can talk to us after school. I leave Mamoru's place only having realized that while I didn't accomplish much, I did learn more about he and myself.
Usagi POV
I've never called a meeting before. It was usually something mutual that had been agreed upon by the girls to meet up too discuss senshi related business. Yet I hadn't actually ever called a meeting before…till now. It felt odd but when I talked to Luna about it, and about how I should handle what was to come I knew what I had to do. Luna did agree that the deception shouldn't have happened either but as someone who does know me to a degree, she to understood why it was made.
Not that she took Minako's side on the matter, no she was stunned it had been made into an order to begin with. She had been given a clue that things weren't happy, but she and Artemis had been otherwise focused and figure we as the girls were handling things. She had no real idea that this is what 'handling it' meant. As far as she and Artemis were concerned, we could handle this with ease and be adults about it.
Obviously, that wasn't what happened but perhaps that's how things could end. Its why I took a few days of letting them sweat it out to know what I had to do. Plus, during that time I decided to spend it with Chibi Usa. We actually ended up bonding a bit and enjoying the subtle time together. She still had her issues but thanks to my own mother taking with her, making it a 'school assignment' discussion to be had she explained things to Chibi Usa that really only a mother of two could tell her stories on.
Chibi Usa then became a bit fascinated by the idea and now seemed excited to have little siblings around. Now she wanted to go home for a whole new reason. To be there for them and teach them when they got older. My mother had no idea how much help she just gave me and how much it helped to bond the two of us together. I had been merely glad she had the time to do it after dinner on Sunday.
Plus, after spending the time bonding, I actually started to feel a connection to her. I think she felt it to as we went a full few days without one negative word from her to me. In fact, I even helped her, along with Luna to acting as a guide, to work on connecting to the crystal a bit herself. She'd need the training either way, so I taught her breathing exercises to be able to feel its power more clearly than before.
I did also decide to put some of my own power into her. She didn't seem to need it as much though. I put this to whatever Mamoru and whomever else helped had done beforehand. I think she was just happy that she wasn't see through again. I was to as I didn't need that in front of my parents at all…or Shingo. Now that it had been a few days of us bonding I could clearly see parts of myself in her now.
She could really be a sweet loving child, she just needed to open her mind to other people's perceptions and NOT be so closeminded to what was really going on. She needed to accept change and not be afraid of it especially if it was her parents in the future making the changes. I wanted her to understand that. To not let herself be so affected by her emotions to the point where she would lose control of them.
I wanted her to learn how to control them better so that when she did get older and gain more of her powers, especially if she returned to the past again she needed to be able to work with them better so that she could call upon an attack easier. So she could have more of an advantage over the enemy that wouldn't care that a child was a senshi. After all I had to do it to, to NOT let my own emotions overpower me.
So that I could fight better. So that I could know how an enemy would react and react that much faster myself. So, in helping her meditate, something I also know Rei would have been helpful on, and focus on the crystal and teaching her we were also bonding together and doing it in a new routine also meant we were helping each other out. Me by keeping up with my own training and her by learning new things with hers and it helped us to bond closer which I know Luna and Artemis were happy about.
So, when the idea of what to do about the girls struck me, I knew for sure that I was doing the right thing. I even have the respect and compliance with both Luna and Artemis who've both kept this meeting and its true purpose secret for me from anyone else. Even from Minako as she asked Artemis about it in her shock the day, I sent the text out. He remained tight lipped on it and reported to me on what was said.
I made sure I was the last to arrive at the temple after school that Tuesday, making sure to avoid detention since I got up early and that was only because I couldn't sleep well the night before. It made me wonder if Mamoru was having any issues with sleeping to cause my nerves felt a tad fried as I had gone over what I was going to talk with them about. I definitely made sure to have Chibi Usa stay behind at the house so that I could discuss this with them alone.
Plus, that night before, the emotional warfare going on in my head wasn't to helpful. After all I had just taken the past few days to go through the pros and cons of everything. It still hurt that they essentially stated they didn't trust me by NOT telling me the truth beforehand. I knew what I was going to do but I didn't want to let on to what it was till after I was halfway through talking with them.
One by one the girls showed up and confirmed via text that they were there. Rei had been silent once I got to the temple. She tried to come near me but thought better of it when she saw I wasn't in the mood. She nodded and kept on sweeping up invisible dirt by this point. Ami was the first one I saw there as she looked nerve wracked herself, then Makoto and finally Minako as upon seeing me the rest decided to sit down at the table and wait for me to talk. It felt nearly like a board meeting right now with nearly everyone here.
It was then that Mamoru showed up huffing and honestly looking worse for weary. It was clear that my not having contacted any of them in the past few days really made them sweat it out. I saw Ami looking a bit worried, though her hair even at this point was looking a little bit longer than usual. Rei had her robes on but was clearly trying to keep herself calm down and NOT provoke me.
Makoto was in her uniform, as were most of the others, but her pony tail from what I could see lost some of its shine to it. It merely looked thrown together rather than even combed out to put back in the band. Her eyes showed her worry to. Minako though, she not only looked worried she looked nearly defeated. Like she realized her mistakes that she took in being my appointed second in command.
Yet she looked ready to receive whatever punishment I deemed fit. She was one of the few who actually did look at me in the eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. Not that the others were afraid but were more than likely silently hoping that I would forgive them with ease as I usually did in the past. However, it was when I met Mamoru's gaze that I felt my breath leave my body for a moment.
His eyes were the worst. They were sunken in, the brightness that was once within them for hope for us was now darkened with mere hope that I not cast him out of my life. I could feel it through our link. His emotions strong as he knew and felt how mistaken he was in his actions. Yet he didn't feel how I was feeling. That was in part due to me blocking the link to him. I didn't want him to have a clue to how I felt.
Not like that anyways. I wanted him to be more involved and NOT rely on it so much. I mean your average boyfriend or girlfriend, or spouse didn't have that, and they worked out their issues just find. He needed to see that he should rely on getting to know my emotions WITHOUT the use of it. It would be something else to discuss later on between us. As of right now I had to put the fear of the goddess Selene in them all.
I wanted them to know not only how I felt but how their actions were felt on me and visa versa, "Glad you all could make it." I started as they waited with a bated breath and didn't interrupt me to talk. "I've had a lot of things going through my head the last few days." I began, "A lot of reasons to NOT talk to the lot of you." They turned their heads down in shame, "You've all kept what happened with Chibi Usa from me. My own future daughter." I looked to Mamoru, "Our future daughter."
He gulped and opened his mouth but didn't respond, "I debated for days on how to handle this." I began, letting both Luna and Artemis get up on the table in front of me as they took positions by my side. Their only saving grace from my 'wrath' was that they haven't been given all of the details. They had been busy re-connecting themselves and doing nightly patrols so while I was still miffed, I was glad that at least one couple had made it through relatively clean on the other side of this mess.
They talked things out much like Mamoru and I were doing but they never kept anything from the other unlike Mamoru and I, so I was honestly happy for the two felines. No amount of crap going on in my own personal life could stop me from feeling happy for them. Especially considering how limited they were from human contact, to speak anyways. I'm not even going into the process of taking human form since it was incredibly limiting for them to begin with and prevent the usage of powers to.
"I'm not going to yell at you guys." I hope they understood what I meant by this. "I'm not going to raise my voice and screech like a howler monkey or make irrational demands of you." They peaked back up again. Not only did I really not have it in me to do so yelling would indicate that this was still a fresh issue. That it would have some affect, but I didn't believe that. I knew this was an issue was old now, but needed to be closed for good.
This needed to be resolved and they needed to know the level and depth of how serious I was through the tone of my voice rather than the volume. To showcase to them just how serious I was in what I had to say to them today. Not to mention I'm too emotionally exhausted to do spit fire at them. "Not only do I not have it in me right now to do that, but I shouldn't have to raise my voice to get my point across." They nodded their heads in agreement on that.
"Now I'm going to say my piece and your going to listen." I could sense Rei about to talk as she opened her mouth so I stopped her, "And no interruptions either." They all nodded as she shut her mouth back up and let me have the floor, "Over the last few days, I've felt a barrage of emotions hitting me from several different angles." I walk about a little bit as I watched them. I needed to show them that this was frustrating for everyone yes but also just something that shouldn't have happened.
"Especially last Friday when I found out about everything." Mamoru shut his eyes as if in recollection of that evening. That night was a rough one, so I did understand why he was feeling as he was. A blind person could see how much this was upsetting to him. Yet I needed for him to see how much I was upset by things to. We both were, "I kept thinking how could those I trusted with my own life not tell me something so important."
I iterated this as I took my broach off of my blouse. I looked at it as I then sat down at the head of the table the girls and Mamoru were at. "I thought to myself if they truly have that much lack of faith and trust in me then maybe being their leader, maybe being their future Queen is something they don't find me truly worthy of." I noticed near immediate protests from the girls along with gasps as I slammed the broach on the table like a gavel. It regained their attention and quieted everyone down.
"I'm fairly certain I said no interruptions." The ease and quietness of my tone alone with how steady it was I knew sent a shockwave through the group as they calmed down, "These are the feelings that went through my head over the last few days. I even debated for a little bit of time on giving my broach and scepter to Rei." I could tell she was stunned by this and balked nearly like a chicken as the others looked to her near accusatorily.
"After all, in the beginning you did make fairly obviously points on how you felt about me and my position as leader." The others looked to her in anger recalling these things. She actually looked like a shell of the girl she once was. The girl that would be to hot headed to see what point I was making in this and start making false clams or accusations even towards me and my words. Instead she listened and waited for what I had to say next, showing me her growth since we had spoken.
"I even wondered if you would take the scepter to see if it even powered up on you." I could see the shred of wonderment in her eyes as she briefly looked at it before swallowing a lump in her throat and looking back at me. She reached for it as it had rolled towards her a little bit when I pulled it out onto the table, but only to push it back towards me. The expression on her face clear as day. After all we BOTH knew it wouldn't ever power up for her.
There was no connection for her to pull power from. Only I held that connection. It was a lesson we had learned back when Mamoru had been kidnapped by the negaverse. I gave it to Rei for safe keeping so that on the off chance, which was very likely to happen, this was Beryl's domain after all, that if I was captured in the dark kingdom that it wouldn't get stolen from me in there when I went after him.
Granted I didn't make it in there when Malachite tried to convince me to go after him alone. I knew it was a trap, but I was so willing to do whatever it took to save Mamoru, that had the girls NOT given themselves away in the shadows I would have gone in. She later admitted to me that when she knew it held, she knew there was power within it, but that she had no access to it. It was more like a pretty heavy ornament to hold onto. One that could be used to hit someone with but that was it, there was nothing for her to feel.
So her pushing it back towards me was her way of showing that not only did she remember it but by not even bothering to try to hold it again indicated she no longer cared. She had changed as had we all. "Yet I knew deep down that you aren't that same person anymore. You're not the same hot tempered miko that I first met. Sure, you still have a temper but like me you've grown since we spoke."
She almost looked like internally she was going 'whew!'. I look at the other girls, "You all have as I have…which made this little lie, something that could have been handled better, so hurtful…" I told them as I could see it in them all that they regretted their actions. "At one point I debated on merely leaving the senshi…" their eyes went wide in obvious shock of my words and what I had considered.
"But I knew in the end I couldn't do that. No matter what I could never leave you guys. I love you too much and I know that were all needed as a team in the end so I could never do that." Relief swept across all of their faces. "You guys made a bad decision…you showed me such lack of trust and faith that I doubted for a bit my own self." I could see the hurt in their eyes at the hurt they caused so I told them, "Which is why…"
I watched all of their faces as they looked so pained to speak up but didn't, "As much as I truly hope that I'm not making a mistake in this next decision…" which I really hoped I wasn't. It was a turning point for all of us of what I was going to say next. "I've come to the conclusion that while I don't agree with the decision made to keep this from me that I do understand that you were in your own way trying to protect me."
I see the shocked looks on their faces. "I think that things could have been handled way differently and that I should have been told sooner, but as Naru, whom I have told everything to her about us, told me, there's other angles to think about it." They were to shocked to protest if they would have. "Minako…" she barely nodded in her shocked state, "I get it, I do. You were there since the start and wanted to protect me." Her eyes shifted to 'thank you for understanding what I was trying to do'.
"I get that, but…" her eyes widened, "It doesn't mean that keeping vital information from me is a good idea. Trust goes both ways it's not just one." She nodded accepting that and knowing the truth of it. "You girls, you all mean the world to me. Your not just my senshi, your my sisters, my friends…" they smiled, "But the only way we can build up on our bonds is if you put your trust and faith into me as I do to you all." I could see blinding acceptance and trust in them all as some were even tearing up a bit.
"If you all can do that, then I can forgive this once, HOWEVER…" they gulped. "If this ever happens again for ANY reason." I looked around at them as I spoke, "And I do mean ANY reason, then our friendship is over." The shocked yet understanding looks on their faces was clear as day. "I will still continue to fight beside you, but I can't be friends with people whom I can't trust to tell me the truth."
"I'll admit this decision wasn't made lightly." Their eyes darted to mine, "I hated to have the very thought in my head that I couldn't trust those I worked with on a daily basis to save lives from evil, but if that becomes the cross to bear to keep the people of earth protected I'll be damned if I let an innocent fall because I put my trust into someone, one of you, who decides in the middle of a battle that your going to ignore my decision and do your own thing when we worked as a team together to protect others."
I can see the shock of what I just said hitting them all, "Usagi…" Ami braved, "Don't want you to slam your broach down again but, we'd never let an innocent suffer because we couldn't keep it together." I knew my smile was wistful, "I know that that's what we all want to believe, that no matter how we felt about the other we'd never let our personal emotions get in the way of an innocent getting hurt…" I told her, them all.
"But the truth is all it would take is one time, one day where we crossed that line from protecting the innocent to letting our personal feelings get to involved. One time where we let something that went down between us and let the negatives of our friendships hurt someone in the middle of a battle and lose an innocent." I knew she'd want to protest so it actually came as a shock to me when Rei spoke up.
"She's right…" we all looked to her, "Look at how we were in the beginning." I could tell the girls were in reflection now. "Especially when we were hunting the rainbow crystals down." I remember those days clearly. Several of our friend got caught in the crossfire when those were being searched for. "Usagi made the hard decision to let Zoicite have what was it two of them to save Naru and Umino." I got reprimanded for doing that to.
I knew I had lost trust and faith in those that were around me at the time. They felt that there was another option I could have taken but didn't cause I didn't know any better thus making Luna question my role as a being a leader. Believe me if there was another option, I would have taken it but there wasn't. there was only two good friends of mine in harm's way and I couldn't let anyone get hurt if I could help it.
"Would any of us have done the same?" she asked them as I couldn't help but wonder what they would have done in my shoes as well, "Would we have made that hard choice?" none of the girls spoke up. "There have been plenty of times where Usagi has made that hard decision and we questioned her on it repeatedly." She stated as in another shocking point Mamoru spoke up for the first time in this.
"She's right on that to." The girls looked to him, "Look how you guys saw me at first. I was considered the enemy at first and Usagi was the only one who had enough faith and trust in me to know that I wasn't the enemy. She went by her gut." The girls looked down at realizing the point I was making in this. The shocking twist was both Rei and Mamoru were helping me make my point.
"You all were convinced that I was working for the negaverse simply because I to was angling for the crystal. Yet no one ever asked me why I was looking for it other than Usagi. You all just thought I was using Usagi to get to it and would lie about anything to gain her trust. That the only reason I was protecting her was to gain her trust so that when it was found I could steal it from her." The girls and even Luna looked at him guiltily and sheepishly.
"We're all at fault in some form or another." Luna spoke up now. I knew at some point I'd lose having control of this conversation but considering they were acknowledging how right I was for a change I let it go. "Usagi here made what I would have considered wrong choices on several occasions yet her gut instincts were on point and I regret not giving her and showing her more trust and faith in that." I accepted Luna's apology.
"We all did…" Rei admitted, "I was one who held skepticism for a long while and even after you had been proven to be right often enough. I still held on to it cause I couldn't understand how you saw things as you did. Your instincts didn't lead you down the wrong paths and yet we continuously downplayed them and questioned you." The girls realized so much with this now as it finally felt like we were making headway.
"This is why I need for things to be clear between all of us. I love you all, no matter what I do, your my family, but trust does need to exist and not trusting me enough to give me pertinent information only tells me you don't trust me enough to handle it. Which only tells me that if you don't trust me what room is there to trust you." I say with a heavy heart. "It won't be happening any more going forward." This came from Minako as she looked to me.
Her eyes not just that of a senshi but as my friend and sister, "You have my word that I will never make a decision like that to keep important stuff from you again It may have seemed like a good idea at the time, but I know now that I wasn't completely right in my call and I'm sorry. I never wanted to cause further damage and yet that's what I did." I nod an accept her apology as well as the others then say their own apologies to me.
It's when I see Mamoru and realize that he's trying hard to keep things to himself that I tell the girls, "I will say this in parting, make no mistake, if this error happens again I won't hesitate to keep good on that promise. I truly don't want to lose our friendships. Not after all of this." I warn them though internally I'm feeling a sense of renewed hope that things are definitely going to be different this time.
Its then that Rei senses things now, "Girls why don't we start to train out back. We can get warmed up for a bit and wait for Usagi and Mamoru to join us." Minako follows suit, "Lets go." One by one each of the girls and I hug, though its light and still feels like a tetter totter of emotional things going on I know that things will get better. I knew deep in my heart that I made the right call with them. Now…as I looked to Mamoru he shut the screen door in their absence then turned back to me.