!Trigger Warning!: very slight description of miscarriage
It felt like a long embarrassing while before Link had composed himself enough to talk, to stop crying, to tell Groose and Karane to go about the rest of their day and for goodness sake not look at him with that pity.
He now sat on his couch rather normally, reading some book about Loftwings that was on a desk near him. Every so often he would look up at Zelda's door, wonder if she was awake, if she knew he was here, if she would come out of the room.
But then he would surrender his hope, returning to the book of things he likely already knew about their winged friends.
Yet at the point he found himself skimming and not reading, turning pages faster than he should have, and checking how much is left in the book, he knew he had lost his concentration, his focus.
With a sigh, he placed the book down on the table, his gaze unfocused.
He thought upon her and her silence, her inaction before something occurred to him with a blink of his eyes, the blue settling from a previous chaos. His next inhale portended an exhale just as slow at the realization, his gaze shifting to the upstairs door.
Link stood up and paced up the stairs, going to the door left ajar, but not opening it. His hand was on the railing as he stood before the door, taking the moment to summon his bravery, his courage.
"We really do wait for the gestures, don't we?" Link finally said, asking rhetorically and hoping Zelda was awake and listening. "I…didn't really realize it until now…until I was sitting and waiting for you to come out, or for me to gain the courage to come in. I wouldn't be surprised if you were expecting the same. I guess this just proves how bad we are at communicating, us in our own places, rehearsing too much in our heads what will happen next that it never comes to pass. I know all that won't do, so here are my words instead, my unrehearsed, blubbering, prattling words."
"I love you," he said. "You are everything to me and no matter how much…"
His voice broke. He thought he had exhausted his tears by now, but he supposed he was wrong.
"No matter how much I wanted to hold our child, raise them, and see what they would become without us…no matter how much I will miss them and mourn them…I will still love you. I told you once that nothing would ever change how I feel and now more than ever my heart aches for you, for your pain. Grand gestures won't work because you have to let me back in. It is your pain that I'm stepping into, and your right as well to deny me and my words. If I was gone too long for you to love me like I do you—"
"Link…"
It sounded like she was right behind the door.
"I was," he insisted. "I was gone too long. I made a promise and broke it. Such deep pain and I slept while you bled…literally…"
"I don't blame you for that," Zelda said in reply. "Really, I don't. And I…of course I want you back. For six months I wanted you back, but…I just couldn't. When Karane told me, I just couldn't fathom it because…because I was afraid you'd hate me."
"Zelda, I love you no less than I did six months ago. How could I hate you?"
"Because I hate me."
Link only sighed, his forehead meeting the door between them.
"And you must too," she continued. "I disappointed you. It's my fault, it must be."
"No," Link said, leaning his head away as he shook it. "Zel, that's not true. I don't blame you at all. I'm disappointed, sure, but not in you. You are so strong for making it through all of this and I am so proud that you have, that you are alive and healthy. I could never, ever hate you."
"Link?"
"Yeah?" he prompted.
The door started to open, Zelda coming out slowly with a bowed head.
She looked up at Link, her throat almost immediately choking into a sob. It was really him, his blue eyes, his messy hair, unrestrained by the green cap. Zelda threw her arms around his neck, crying and weeping into his shoulder.
It was these shoulders, these shoulders she missed so much. It was the feeling of his warm and safe hands, like a dream too good to be true. It was his soft breath, his exhale and inhale from his mouth, the way he breathed alive and awake, the way his heart beat with hers. It was his hair and his ears that she now felt with her hands, that seemed as a distant memory to her fingers, deprived of the sensation like a great hunger. She missed him more than words could say.
Link cried like her, more and more as he held her tight, clutching her hair, her dress, smelling that flowery scent he had ached for. He was so glad she was okay as he pressed a kiss into the side of her head.
"I wanted," she said between sobs. "I wanted…so much…"
Link only had the composure to sniffle.
"You gave me a life to protect and I…couldn't…"
Her voice faltered.
"It's okay," Link said shakily, holding her tight. "It's okay."
"Everything is okay," Link continued, his voice gentle as he comforted her in their hold. "I'm home. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere."
"Even though I failed you?" Zelda asked. "Even though you have every reason to hate me?"
"I'm staying by your side for the very reason I always have," Link replied. "Because I have every reason to love you."
She kept her silence, taking in his words as her eyes drifted open.
"Zel, you are so much more than what happened," Link insisted. "You know that and even if you've forgotten, if what you went through has drowned your pride, then I will tell you over and over again. You are so much more than what you couldn't control."
"You know I wanted us to have a child," Link continued. "And that I was looking forward to the day I would meet them. But just because that day is no longer approaching us, that doesn't mean you are worth any less to me. I didn't marry you because I wanted children, I married you because of how much I love you. You, your intelligence, your bright smile, your strength and resilience after everything you've been through, your unconditional capacity for forgiveness, your sense of justice, your commitment towards peace…I could go on and on. I love every little part of you and I know I always will. I know I can't convince you out of your self-loathing with just my love, but if you know me, you know I will try the best I can."
"I know," Zelda said as they released each other just enough to see their faces, them both weeping as they looked into each others' eyes.
"Oh Link," Zelda said, her sore eyes transfixed by the very sight of his face, the love in his blue eyes. She placed a hand on his wet cheek. "I was so sure that you would hate me…that I forgot how much you loved me."
"Love, Zel," Link corrected. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
Zelda pulled Link's lips into hers, every fear, every sadness melting away for just this moment and the next as well, them continuing with a great impatience. Their lips, their breaths became one until they withdrew, her forehead meeting his.
"Karane promised to bring me dinner," Zelda said. "I say we stay in, eat, catch up."
Link nodded, breaching a smile.
So they talked all night.
Zelda about the last six months, about everything Link had missed, about the Sheikah preferring to stay in their caves, about Groose and his break up, about her father, about Karane and Pipit and their son, about the town that was apparently not named Groosetown. It was simply referred to as Hyrule township.
They talked about Link, what happened in the Sacred Realm, who he met there, what he saw, and what he was told, Zelda taking furious notes like she was back in school. Link smiled at her enthusiasm.
Link and Zelda talked and talked, Zelda more than relieved that he was back, that he didn't hate her and that he was just as she remembered.
But what she didn't tell him was what she couldn't and he completely understood.
"It's okay, Zel," Link said, bringing a hand to hers. "Your miscarriage…you can tell me about it on your own time. There's no rush."
Zelda nodded.
"Thank you," she said before the conversation fell to silence.
"I do want one," she said, "a baby. I don't think I could handle…trying…anytime soon, but even then…"
Link eyes were on her fingers, looking at the way his thumb trailed up and down her finger, the smoothness only stopped by her wedding ring.
"What if," she said, Link looking up quickly when she heard she was welling up again. "What if this means I never can? That my body isn't strong enough."
"I don't believe that for a second," Link said.
Zelda sniffled her nose, tears starting to fall at the thought.
Link's concern grew, moving himself to sit against the head of the bed. Zelda without any other prompt, curled up next to him and felt his arm start to curl around her.
Yet when he brushed her stomach, she twitched away ever so slightly, Link noticing and retreating his hand.
He looked to her eyes, asking a silent question in such a way she knew she didn't have to answer.
"I'm sorry," she said, meeting his hand where it was placed on his thigh. "I…think I'm just a bit sensitive."
"Are you in pain?" Link asked.
"No," Zelda assured him, "just…unaccustomed."
Zelda led his hand to touch her stomach, wincing at what felt like a distant memory before the familiarity returned. Link curled his arm around her waist and both of their hearts warmed at the touch of the other, the intimacy.
"I understand that you don't want to talk about it yet, but," Link started. "I have to know at the very least…what did Greba say about it? Are you okay? Should I be worried?"
Zelda let a shaky exhale.
"It wasn't anything that endangers me now," Zelda started. "It…"
Her voice broke.
"Zel, it's okay," Link said rubbing her arm in comfort. "That's all I need to know."
She came out of Link's hold to reach for the nightstand, opening the small drawer and pulling out a piece of paper. Snuggling back into Link's frame, she handed him the paper.
"She wrote this in case you came back and she wasn't around. You could always ask her more about it tomorrow when it isn't so late, but this explains it pretty well."
Link took it cautiously, unfolding it and sitting up slightly to start reading what it said.
"Can you read it out loud?" Zelda asked. "I miss hearing your voice."
Link nodded.
"Zelda experienced a miscarriage," Link started shakily, "as a result of a weak cervix. Something hard to tell until the moment it widens prematurely. The incident led to a complete miscarriage of the fetus, which would have never survived outside the womb. Because the situation was diffused in a timely manner, the danger to Zelda was also diffused."
"Oh, Zel," Link said with an exhale.
"Keep reading," Zelda prompted.
"As far as her health going forward, I do not doubt that with time and care she will heal, both physically and emotionally. In fact, because of her age, it is highly possible that her cervix will recover. With the help of Orielle, my assistant and trainee, we have already taken measures to repair the small amount of damage with the moderate use of potions and other treatments. We hope this will strengthen it as well. This recovery is referring to reducing pain but also to future conception. Before I write anything more I must admit that the confidence I have in her recovery is alluding to mine and may be biased. The reason why I was so quick to recognize the problem in the moment was because it is what occurred in my own pregnancy, the one before conceiving Gondo. If Zelda conceives again and the situation is closely monitored and supplemented with potions like mine was, it is possible for her to have a healthy birth. This is, of course, considering her mental health is up to the task that is, speaking from experience, quite taxing. Please assure her once more that the situation was out of her control and of no fault of hers."
Link looked to her with tears in his eyes, having reached the end.
"But I can't help but fear that it was," she finished, as if responding to the letter. "That I can't…"
"Zelda," Link said. "You are the strongest person I know. I know you feel weak and I know what happened to you has likely scarred you for life, but…that only makes you stronger."
"And if it makes me weaker?" Zelda asked. "If I can never have a child?"
Link gave a sigh.
"Then I will still love you," he said. He held her tight in his arms.
"I can't believe you thought I could ever hate you for this," he continued. "I'm actually a little surprised that you don't hate me."
With her next slow exhale, Zelda closed her eyes, feeling as if she could melt into him.
"I could never hate you," Zelda said. "I love you so much."
Author's Note: Hi, just a couple things.
Maybe this chapter was too graphic with that letter, I don't know. I just wanted to give a solid reason backed by science (how strange) so people wouldn't be left wondering why she miscarried.
If the few select words that I'm worried about really bothered you, then please let me know. I already put a trigger warning at the beginning of the chapter but if you think I need to change the wording or even the rating of the story, then I will definitely consider it. It's not that I don't trust myself to do the right thing or that I depend on my audience to make decisions for me, but if there is anything I can do to make current or future readers more comfortable, I would like to do so. Again, a few words are not that big of a deal and I know I overreact, but in case they are more inappropriate or triggering than I intended, I wanted you all to know that I am willing to compensate for that.
I also wanted to mention that this fic will not always be doom and gloom. There are ups and downs and unfortunately, these past few chapters have been a big down for our characters. I still promise a happy ending.
-fatefulfaerie