The Jamestown Gazette
November 30, 17 NE
A Letter from the Editor
Dear Readers,
Thank you for your continued patronage of The Jamestown Gazette as it has grown from a monthly to a bimonthly publication and as its circulation has increased from four communities to five communities. As always, a copy of each issue of the Gazette will be made available at the following locations, where it can be read for free on premises: Linda's Tavern, The Jamestown Library, Henry's Pub, the Alexandria University Library, The Hilltop Library, and The Island Settlement Clubhouse. Each of these special copies is handprinted in the beautiful script of Yukimo Ito on high quality parchment.
However, I'd like to remind you that we now also offer subscriptions if you would like your very own copy of the publication. Subscribers will receive a copy of the paper made by a variety of copyists on lined notebook paper, so the handwriting will vary from copy to copy, but it will always be legible. The cost for a six-month, twelve-issue subscription is eight rounds of ammunition. Revenue from subscriptions will be used to pay our writers, reporters, illustrators, and copyists, who currently receive little for their efforts.
Some have written to observe that bylines have disappeared from the Jamestown Gazette. This is because the Gazette is a fully collaborative effort of its small, but dedicated staff, and usually three or more people end up contributing to a single article, including interviews, writing, editing, and rewriting.
Sincerely,
Connie Alvarado,
Editor-in-Chief
Petition to Lower Voting Age Fails to Pass Council
Alexandra "Sweetheart" Dixon, with the help of Ivan Daryl "VanDaryl" Barron, organized a petition to lower the voting age in Jamestown to thirteen. Miss Dixon collected fifty-eight signatures, though seven were disqualified for not belonging to voting-age citizens. Nevertheless, the petition was rendered valid, with fifty-one qualified signatures, and was debated at the Jamestown Council's November 13th meeting.
Young Miss Dixon argued that the current voting age of sixteen is unfair because children age thirteen and up are expected to take on apprenticeships or otherwise work for their own rations. In addition, children age thirteen and up are considered a part of the Jamestown militia in the event of a breach of the gates and must fight to defend their town.
Lieutenant Mayor Earl Carter told reporters, "A thirteen-year-old can't marry, can't join the Allied Army Reserves, and can't typically earn a full living for themselves, though they do begin to contribute to household rations at that time. In the Old World, the voting age was eighteen. In fact, at one time, it was twenty-one."
"Sixteen seems like a reasonable compromise in voting age," Councilman Raul Dominguez said. "I had to wait until I was sixteen to vote."
"Me too," Councilman Jerry Myers agreed.
Voting occurred behind closed doors, so it is not known who supported the petition, but it was rejected by a vote of seven to two.
"I think the Council should have to vote on all petitions at open meetings," Sweetheart Dixon told reporters. "They shouldn't be able to vote in secret! We should know how our representatives vote on everything! We pick them after all. At least, SOME of us do. When we're considered OLD enough. I'm going to start another petition that all petitions have to be voted on at open meetings."
Annual Trade Fair a Rousing Success
On November 14, the Susan Constant set sail with a shipload of goods and fairgoers to attend the annual, three-day trade fair at Oceanside. This year, Jamestown, Oceanside, and the Island Settlement also ran three water taxis all weekend long to allow more attendees to join in the festivities, even if only for half a day. As a consequence, this year's fair was the most well attended to date, with over 300 unique guests from Jamestown, Alexandria, the Hilltop, and the Island Settlement, not to mention all of Oceanside.
The fair included games, competitions, food, music, crafts, and dancing. Communities made large trades, while artisans displayed and traded their wares. A new hugging booth – manned by Alexandria's beautiful Candy Porter and the Hilltop's Ambassador Jerry Cooper - was especially popular this year and raised 300 rounds of ammunition to help fund the building of a student dormitory for the ever-growing University of Alexandria, where Candy's husband Eugene serves as a Professor of Science and Engineering.
"Most people were complete gentlemen," Candy Porter told reporters. "But a couple sailors took advantage of the hugging to give me a little titty grope. I'm not going to lie - I suspected that was going to happen. But instead of reporting them to the Fair Security, I told them I'd look the other way if they donated an extra five rounds to the University. Word spread, and well, I guess a couple men became a dozen and half men, and the price became a hug for one round or a titty grope for five. But it was all for a good cause."
"No one wanted to pay five rounds to grope my titties," Ambassador Jerry said. "But I sold a lot of hugs."
"Jerry gives the best hugs," Candy agreed. "You should also write that I'm donating to the university ten percent of the proceeds from all my sales of Candy Shine between now and Christmas." When asked why Alexandria has decided to build a dorm, Candy answered, "Up until now, students have stayed as guests in people's homes, but all of the attics and garages are flat out full, and people still just keep popping out kids. Hell, I've got a third one on the way myself. I guess this as a good a time as any to announce it. I hope it's a little girl this time. Her big brothers Gunny and Gene Jr. will spoil her rotten. So will my big Eugene, when he's not busy tracking her shits."
Charlotte Hall Community Denied Admission to the Alliance
The Alliance Council, which consists of nine ambassador-representatives and is led by Chairman Michonne, held its fall meeting at the Annual Trade Fair. It discussed the possibility of admitting the Charlotte Hall Community to the Alliance. The Amish community, which contains twenty men, thirteen women, and twenty-nine children and youth under the age of sixteen was discovered by Alliance scouts earlier this spring in Charlotte Hall, Maryland and has petitioned for admittance to the Alliance. However, because the Amish have made it clear they will refuse to supply any soldiers to the Alliance Army Reserve, their petition was declined by a vote of 7-2.
"The community hoped to receive the protection of the Alliance through the payment of dues alone," Chairman Michonne told reporters, "without putting any real skin in the game. That's just not fair or acceptable to the members of the Alliance."
"Ain't like we won't trade with 'em," Ambassador Daryl Dixon said. "Just ain't gonna bleed for 'em."
"To be honest I don't how they survived this long," Ambassador Jerry Cooper said. "I mean, they'll kill walkers, but not people. Well, they'll technically kill people, but not with guns and knives and stuff. I think they're just lucky we're only the third group to stumble on them in all these years."
The first group to discover the Charlotte Hall Community stayed as guests of the Amish for a winter. They were invited to join the Amish through conversion and convincement, but they were not interested in permanently adopting Amish ways, and so the group moved on to establish their own camp. The Amish don't know what became of that group. The second group to discover them was hostile, and leaders of the Amish community dealt with them by smearing themselves with cannibal guts, infiltrating a flock of cannibals, and herding them like cattle in the direction of their attackers until they were either entirely consumed or at least bitten and turned. Once their would-be invaders were transformed to cannibals, the Amish had no moral reticence in taking axes and pitchforks to their heads.
Members of the Charlotte Hall Community have been issued a standing invitation to attend the annual fair at Oceanside, and they will be permitted to enroll at the University of Alexandria but will have to pay out-of-Alliance tuition and fees. "We don't precisely expect any of them will happen to enroll," Professor Eugene Porter said. "While the Outbreak was a true game changer for those of us who were accustomed to more sophisticated ways of living, the Amish have remained, if you will, essentially unaltered. They don't precisely do college. But we've extended the invitation, in the event they change their minds and decide to partake of our culture and intellect."
Jamestown Takes Home 39 Medals at the 9th Annual Alliance Games
The 9th Annual Alliance Games were held over the three days of the annual trade fair from November 15 to November 18 in Oceanside.
Go for the Gold:
Jamestown swept the longbow competition, taking home all three medals, with Mayor Carol Dixon claiming the gold. Ambassador Daryl Dixon, as usual, received the gold in crossbow marksmanship, while Sheriff Garland Barron eked out Mitch Robinson of Alexandria to take home the gold in firearms. In the relatively new category of sling shot marksmanship, which was introduced in 15 NE, Connie Alvarado also earned a gold medal. Finally, Councilman and Farm Manager Gunther Hamilton, even without the motivation of a lady's hand in marriage, won the gold in horse racing this year. (His lovely bride did not compete.)
A Silver Showing:
Jamestown netted an impressive number of silver medals as well. In swordsmanship, Lieutenant-Commander Carlos Alvarado came in just a few points behind Chairman Michonne. Mayor Carol Dixon earned a silver for knife throwing, Dianne Hamilton for longbow, Captain Arnold McBride for wrestling, Kelly Coleman for slingshot, Jr. Lieutenant Chandler Morgan for the 500 meter in swimming, Jeremy Miller for blacksmithing, and Raul Dominguez for pumpkin growing. The Jamestown crew team narrowly beat out the Island Settlement crew team for the silver in head-to-head rowing, while narrowly losing to the Oceanside crew team. Alexandria fronted its own crew team for the first time this year, having practiced rowing in its large pond, but found it impossible to rival any of the waterside communities.
A Bronze Bonanza:
Jamestown also had a good showing at the bronze level. General Rosita Espinosa-Carter came in third in the firearms competition, adding another bronze to her collection of one silver, one gold, and two bronze medals from previous years' shooting competitions. Other bronze medal winners included Lieutenant-Commander Carlos Alvarado for foot racing, Lieutenant Stephen Payton for knot tying, Engisn Rooker for wrestling, Sarah Dominguez for longbow, Sherriff Garland Barron for hand-to-hand martial arts, and Trisha Ivanov for original cocktail (the "Lovely Linda").
Children & Youth Competitions:
The adults weren't the only ones to turn in an amazing performance at the Alliance Games. Children's Games were held for kids aged 6 to 11 and Youth Games for youth aged 12 to 17. Congratulations to Jamestown's youth and children's medal winners:
Sweetheart Dixon, Children's Swimming, Gold
Harry Merriweather Mayfield, Children's Swimming, Bronze
Sweetheart Dixon, Children's Knot Tying, Gold
Harry Merriweather Mayfield, Children's Knot Tying, Bronze
Sweetheart Dixon, Children's Archery, Silver
Dwight Jones, Jr., Children's Sack Races, Silver
Inola Smith, Children's Storytelling, Silver
Linda Anne Hamilton, Children's Greased Pig Catching, Silver
Ray Dominguez, Children's Horseshoe Toss, Bronze
VanDaryl Baron, Science Fair Project, "Battery Powered Electric Mini-Fan," Gold
Little John Ivanov-Davies, Children's Art, "Barmaid," Silver
Hope Miller, Children's Music Contest, Flute Solo, Silver
Nadia McIntosh, Youth Foot Races, Silver
Gary Baron, Youth Music Contest, Guitar, Gold
Gary Baron, Youth Firearms Marksmanship, Bronze
The games included a new contest this year, a team go-kart building and racing challenge open to teams of children age seven to sixteen. On the morning of November 16, teams were given a pile of supplies and six hours to build their one-person go-karts before racing them down a paved path in the old campgrounds. Everyone was expecting the Hilltop Heroes, which included among its members the fifteen-year-old Hershel Greene (who recently became a journeyman carpenter) to win, but it was an ambitious and scrappy group of under-thirteen-year-olds from Jamestown who brought home the gold. The team was led by Gary Baron, who will turn thirteen in April, and included "almost pretty soon ten" Sweetheart Dixon, Van Daryl Baron (who turns ten in April), Hope Miller (who turns nine in March), and Benji Espinosa Carter (who turns nine in February).
"I have to give creds to my baby brother," Gary told reporters. "The design was all his idea. He understands all that aerodynamics and stuff. The rest of the little kids, they just helped build, but I have to say, Sweetheart's a workhorse when you give her a hammer. I of course drove. There was never going to be any question about that, and it was probably my driving skills that shaved that extra thirty seconds off our time and brought us across the finish line ahead of the Hilltop Heroes, not that I'm boasting."
The team called itself the Jamestown Jaguars. Sweetheart Dixon reported the name was chosen because "those big cats can run really fast and they're so beautiful," but Gary Garland said the team was named for "the British luxury car. You know? Like the Jaguar F-Type SVR which in the Old World could go 200 miles per hour and accelerate from 0 to 60 in 3.5 seconds? That Jaguar." VanDaryl reported, "I just liked the alliteration."
The car itself was named BULLIT, which was painted in red on its side panel. "Because bullets shoot really fast out of guns," Sweetheart Dixon told reporters.
"Uh, yeah, no," Gary corrected. "It's because of that Old World Steve McQueen movie my dad took me and VanDaryl to see at the Jamestown Theater in October. You know, the one with the awesome car chase."
"I fell asleep during that movie," VanDaryl confessed to reporters.
Each of the teams got to bring its newly built go kart home with them from the fair, if they were able to transport it. BULLIT came home on the Susan Constant. "Riding that go kart down the path from the Indian Village was really fun," Gary shared with reporters. "Well, until I got going a little too fast one time and drove it off the docks into the river. It's just as well. My baby brother was going to try to put some kind of battery-fueled propulsion pipe or something like that on the back of it, and he probably would have just set the whole thing on fire eventually anyway."
Shocking Suicide: Susan Lawson Found Hanging in the Gristmill
When mill worker Able Jonson reported to the Jamestown gristmill on the morning of November 26, he was shocked to discover a figure hanging from the rafters. He quickly cut down the body of Susan Lawson. Sheriff Garland conducted an immediate investigation into the incident and ruled suicide.
"It was an open and shut case," the sheriff told reporters. "There was no sign of a struggle, no indication anyone else had participated, and she left a suicide note that perfectly matches her typical handwriting."
Susan Lawson was charged, tried, and acquitted of murdering her husband Lt.-Commander Jeffrey Lawson seven years ago, in June of 10 NE. In her suicide note, she confessed to having indeed committed the crime of which she was acquitted. Sheriff Garland, however, suggests she was not driven to kill herself primarily out of a feeling of guilt. "Her note seemed to indicate that she had years ago blown through her inheritance from her husband, was not content with the prospect of continuing to work for a living into her fifties, and could not attract a husband to provide for her despite all her many classified advertisements in the personal section of the Jamestown Gazette."
Jamestown Gazette reporters asked to see a copy of the suicide note, but their request was declined. "That's on file in the sheriff department's filing cabinet," Sheriff's Lieutenant Santiago Dominguez said. "It would be in poor taste to share it, and I don't think we can trust you won't print it. The details we've given you should be good enough."
A sparsely attended funeral was held for Susan Lawson on the morning of November 27, and she is buried in the Jamestown cemetery.
Jamestown Scavengers Discover Office Supply Warehouse
On November 24, a group of scavengers discovered an office supply warehouse in a remote, semi-rural suburb of Charles City, Virginia. As office supplies were not a high priority in the early years of the new era, the warehouse was untouched by looters. The windows were intact, and the contents were well preserved, with only a limited amount of rodent activity and nesting and some spoilage from mold.
As a consequence of this discovery, Jamestown now has thousands of reams of paper as well as large numbers of notebooks, pencils, pencil sharpeners, and unopened bottles of ink that, with some addition of distilled water and warming, will be fully usable. For this reason, Jamestown has halted its production of ink using charred and ground cannibal bones and has redirected those workers to other tasks. Production of ink will resume when our existing new stores of ink are depleted, which might not be for another three to four years.
The Office Supply Warehouse also yielded several cases of usable paper products (including toilet paper, disposable napkins, and paper towels). But the discovery that has brought most excitement to Jamestown is the supply of instant coffee crystals, which were stocked to be sold among the breakroom supplies. One hundred jars of crystals were allocated for trade with other communities, while fifty were distributed to the tavern to make coffee for sale, the proceeds of which will return to the Jamestown warehouse, with a small cut for the tavern staff. In addition to that, the Council has added instant coffee crystals to the weekly rations. "Each adult resident of Jamestown will now receive enough instant coffee crystals to make five cups of coffee a week," Mayor Carol Dixon told reporters, "and we should be able to continue this rate of distribution for two years before running out of crystals, which also happens to be the extent of their twenty-year shelf-life."
The coffee crystals are a particularly nice surprise given that the Jamestown Council decided in 13 NE to cease all communal production of coffee beans because they are difficult to grow in the Virginia climate, and it was thought the efforts and space were better allocated to more nutritious products. However, some residents of Jamestown still grow some robusta coffee beans in their own private greenhouses and gardens, including Farm Manager Gunther Hamilton, who sells his beans to Linda's Tavern.
Alliance Spotlight: Judith Grimes
Every month, the Jamestown Gazette chooses one person from the Alliance who is not a citizen of Jamestown to feature in a special interest piece. This month, we'd like to introduce you to Judith Grimes.
Judith is the sixteen-year-old daughter of Rick Grimes, who was the former leader of Alexandria and of a coalition of communities incorporating Alexandria, Hilltop, Oceanside, and the Kingdom. Rick Grimes died many years ago in a bridge explosion while saving members of his beloved communities, and he handed down to his daughter his revolver and old King County Sherrif's deputy hat. "I carry the revolver," Judith told reporters. "But the hat is getting worn, and I want to keep it in good shape to remember him by. So it rests on my dresser now."
One of the first children to have been born into the New Era, Judith was adopted at the age of two by Rick's second wife, the current Chairman of the Alliance Council, Michonne. Judith has trained in swordsmanship with her mother since the age of five. Though she initially began with a smaller wakizashi, for the last three years, Judith has been using a katana. This year, instead of entering the Youth Swordsmanship Competition at the Alliance Games (which is open to youth age 12 to 17), Judith challenged herself by entering the adult competitions. She became the youngest person ever to medal in Adult Swordsmanship at the Alliance Games, taking home the bronze.
"I knew I was going to win a medal," Judith said confidently. "And I knew my mother wasn't going to let me beat her. I just didn't know if I could beat Lieutenant-Commander Alvarado. I thought I might, because he's more accustomed to a rapier, and the coin toss fell to me, and I chose katana. But he was better than I thought he'd be with a heavier sword. Better than me, obviously. For now. I look forward to a rematch next year."
Judith has one living sibling, RJ Grimes, who is currently thirteen years old. Her elder brother Carl Grimes died from a cannibal bite some years ago shortly after heroically rescuing his people in the War Against the Saviors by leading them to safety through Alexandria's underground sewer system. "I still have the letter he wrote me before he died," Judith said. "I read it about once a month. I can still hear it in his voice. At least, I think it's his voice. It's been a long, long time since I've heard it. It might just be what I imagine his voice to be. He always wanted peace, my brother. I wish he could have lived to see the Alliance. But I suppose he did see it, in his dreams."
Judith is currently attending the University of Alexandria, where she is majoring in Military Strategy and expects to graduate next summer. "I take classes in strategy, game theory, military history, firearms, and explosives. General Rosita Carter taught a guest seminar for four weeks in the early fall. It was very enlightening." Although the minimum age to sign up for the Alliance Army Reserves is seventeen, the Alliance Council made a special exception in Judith's case, and she is already a member of the reserves. "Of course I hope we don't have to go to war again, but given the world we live in, you can never be too safe. Even if we don't meet another human enemy, there will always be walkers to combat." (Walkers is the term most Alexandrians use to describe cannibals.)
Judith's ultimate goal, she says, is to become the General of the Alliance Army. "When General Rosita Carter retires, of course. I'm not gunning for her job. At least…not for another six years."
When asked if she has any interest in one day starting a family of her own, Judith replied, "I'm not dating at the moment. I'm concentrating on my studies and my career. Besides, the Alliance isn't exactly teaming with options. And if Hershel says he's my boyfriend, he's lying. One kiss under the mistletoe last year does not a boyfriend make."
Gossip Column
November is a busy month for birthdays in Jamestown! Happy Birthday to Andy (son of Trisha Ivanov and Andrew Davies) who turned 3, to David (son of Captain Arnold and Mallory McBride), who turned six, Virgil (son of Dante and Inola Smith), who turned 2, and Luciana (daughter of Lt.-Commander Carlos and Connie Alvardo), who turned 5.
A little birdy told us that love is in the air! Kelly Coleman (a.k.a. "Slingshot Kelly,"), age 27, and the young Manager of Hunting and Forestry, Owen Anderson, who just turned 20, have gotten engaged! Both were refugees to Jamestown at different times and have become integral members to the community. They will be married in the Jamestown chapel on December 15, with a small, invitation-only reception to follow at Linda's Tavern.
In other love news, Magna is leaving us to immigrate to Oceanside to be with her new girlfriend there. The heart wants what the heart wants! This might help to ease tensions with her ex-girlfriend Yukimo, who has recently become formally engaged to Jamestown veterinarian Dr. Carolyn Taylor. The two have shared a hut for several years, but it looks like they recently upgraded from roommates to lovers! They're not in any hurry to have the wedding, however, as it is currently tentatively planned for May of 18 NE.
Happy Anniversary to Raul and Enid Dominguez who celebrated seven years of marriage this November. Don't let that seven-year itch get you! Marriage can be hard, especially with an active toddler like little Carl Glenn in the house. Treat yourself to a romantic weekend getaway at the Oceanside Resort before winter sets in and the river freezes over.
Classified Advertisements
Help Wanted
The Jamestown Gazette is currently looking for an additional cub reporter to work part-time for the paper for four rounds of ammunition a month. Applicants must be at least fourteen years old, have received a grade of B+ or higher in Composition at the Jamestown Upper School, and provide writing samples. If interested, please contact the editor.
Linda's Tavern is looking for a talented piano player to provide entertainment on Thursday nights during Happy Hour. Must be able to accept and play requests. No signing required. Payment for a three-hour shift is two free pints of Jamestown brew plus tips. Ages 17 and up only. Contact Trisha Ivanov-Davies.
Personals
Wrestling Bronze Medal winner seeking someone playful to wrestle with, if you know what I mean. Contact Seaman Rooker. Discretion promised.