So, plot twist-time! And please, please, please leave a review (but no flames, they're so discouraging)

Chapter thirty-two

At the fifth song, Ed suddenly reached out his hand for Roy, obviously wanting to grab his finger.

Roy was instantly crawling over to him, and, took a chance at lying down as Ed was most used to him sitting, and always when Roy was sleeping. Ed seemed to be scared when Roy was lying flat on his back, because the times when this version of Ed had seen that, Roy had been strapped down to a tarpaulin while Ed was screaming his head off from the unspeakable agony the drugs were causing him. Roy had to say that he found it a bit daunting himself. Lying on his back left him exposed and it reminded him more than a little of when he had nails hammered into his hands and feet to keep him completely still as he had his left kidney removed, his own screams mixing with Ed's. Roy shuddered inwardly as he lay back and let his head lie on the floor. However, the way his back was unused to lying like that by now, caused a pulsing ache to begin the second it hit the floor and he froze with a gasp. His breathing quickened and his chest constricted with fear and he stared about himself wildly, panting.

And he knew where he was, he knew that everything was safe, but his body was still on high alert. He couldn't get it to calm down because that little piece of pain was scaring him shitless. And he wanted to move, but every time he shifted just slightly, that pain pulsed more and left his body even more scared. "Get me up! Riza! Get me up!" Roy said, his heart hammering. His body wasn't listening. He told it to move, but it didn't and Roy could tell that it was actually because he didn't want it to. He wanted to do this, to defy those stupid instincts from the cage. But he was still afraid.

Then suddenly came a blur of golden and white and then Ed was lying across his chest, whimpering, facing Riza.

Roy froze, not because of pain, not because of fear, but because Ed was shielding him.

Ed was celebrating. He had tried to go with a hug, but he'd settle for this, even if his body was a complete idiot.

Stop, dammit! Lieutenant Hawkeye isn't a threat!

Of course, his body didn't give a damn. Ed had hated Melanie before this, but after that damn drug, he was disappointed that it wasn't his own fists that had snapped her neck.

Because she had explained what that thing had done. Roy hadn't heard her, but Ed sure had as she stuffed his mouth with dog food that first time after she injected him with that shit.

Because alkahestry was all about reading some unknown "dragon's pulse" and apparently she and Gregor had worked together on making torture drugs that followed that same principle. Meaning that what that shit had done was to create some giant reaction in his mind and somehow make it expel his soul, but still keep it in his body. And to do so, she'd just have to break his mind enough to trick it into doing exactly that. It was hardly keeping itself together and Ed couldn't actually latch onto it. He was being blocked. And Roy was right about that tormented mind part. That "nothing's sticking because everything is a fucking torrent and it's scary as fuck" part. Problem was that Roy thought that Ed's soul was inside that shit.

So now his fractured mind was seemingly too unstable times fucking infinity to actually allow Ed's soul back in. Not that Ed hadn't tried of course, but every time he tried to reach in to become one with it, it felt like he was being ripped apart and then flung back out again, which was weird, as his brain didn't register any of that pain. Ed was separated from his mind and his brain and now his soul was mostly just along for the ride.

Basically, his whole existence was weird and annoying as hell. Knowing that he was about to pee himself and being unable to do anything about it was one if the most annoying and embarrassing things in the world. And wearing diapers. And being wiped clean AFTER FUCKING POOPING IN THOSE DAMN THINGS.

But the worst part, the absolute worst part, was that Roy, and most importantly, Al thought he was gone. Like that scared shell of his former self was all that was left of him.

They should have thought that Melanie would never have let Ed off so easily. That bitch wanted Ed to suffer and she wanted Ed to know WHY. She had basically killed two birds with one stone, because Ed was stuck completely conscious in a world that thought he was gone, while Roy thought he was gone for good.

Ed did feel sort of sorry for his body of course. He couldn't feel the hell it was going through emotionally, nor mental pain, which was a relief of sorts. But that also meant that Ed was truly locked out of his own brain. He couldn't control shit. He was separate from himself, and he knew that the rest of him had no idea that he was even there.

No, Melanie had a fondness for psychological torture after all, so she wouldn't let Ed be trapped inside his own broken mind. No, that was much too kind for her puppy. Strokes on the cheeks included.

So Ed was basically a ghost. A ghost attached to his soulless body with the broken mind. And he had been working damn hard to get this far these past two weeks, and what did he have to show for it?

His body was lying on top of Roy's chest, trying to protect him from his bodyguard.

Then Roy started crying. Ed wanted to look at him, to give him a fucking hug, not lying across his chest like a protective dog whimpering as it begged for Roy not to be hurt.

...Oh, sorry: Eddah.

Then he realised as his eyes were still trained on Hawkeye that he hadn't done a single thing after all. He hadn't controlled one damn thing. Because this idiot was acting on pure instinct. And its instincts were pretty damn sure at the moment that Riza Hawkeye was going to hurt Roy.

It had had nothing to do with Ed wanting to hug Roy because Roy was almost having a panic attack because his back was obviously hurting.

And Ed had wanted to hug Roy for two weeks now, because his existence was fucking miserable and he still felt every single bit of the pain that his body did. Which meant that he had felt all that agony of that last week in the cage.

He wanted a hug. He wanted one so bad. He wanted to show everyone that he was all right. That he was still okay in there. At least mostly. Well, not really, seeing as how he was a soul barely attached to a crippled boy with a broken mind and he couldn't do shit to talk or show emotions.

Come on, Roy! I'm right fucking here! Just put your arms around me and screw his screaming! Please! I don't want to be alone in here anymore!

Roy didn't move. Of course he didn't. Because Ed's body was scared of all human contact that extended beyond gripping a finger and Roy thought that that was what Ed wanted.

Ed wanted his body back. He wanted his life back. He wanted to fucking cry.

And he wanted to get his mind back so that he could do what he needed to do to get Al back in his own body, because this was hell. Ed was trapped in fucking hell, but at least he could actually feel Roy's warmth. He could enjoy food. Well, he could taste it.

Al couldn't.

Right now, Ed was a detached soul. He was a detached soul that couldn't control the body he was in, but he could smell and feel and taste and sleep, but he couldn't tell anyone. Nobody knew but him and Gregor. And Ed betted that that bastard was going to be sitting in his cell, laughing at Ed's predicament until he was executed.

And Al was in a body he could control, but it didn't have any senses. It couldn't sleep. They were both trapped, but Ed had broken his promise to Al. He had broken his promise to everyone. And now he was just watching as it all happened and everyone were grieving him. And his body was just a frightened animal that liked children's songs while wearing a poncho.

He had failed Alphonse. And this could all mean that Al was going to be stuck in that body forever.

And Ed couldn't even cry about it.

Then came the telltale pressure behind and Ed groaned inwardly because his body was shitting itself again.