CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Easy, Moony. Just play it cool, James's voice piped up, unusually quiet at the back of his mind, though Remus was half of a mind to tell James to shut up and to be quiet, because there was no stopping the storm that was brewing, igniting deep within his own veins.
Don't overreact, Rem, Lily chimed in, sounding worried. You weren't here. You don't know what happened. There's every indication to believe that if you lose your temper over this, you'll be jumping to conclusions without proof. You should at least hear both of them out and hear what they have to say. Trust in Tonks.
Remus growled in frustration and bared his teeth, and immediately, the Potter's voices inside of his head fell silent and they did not try to intervene again.
Never before in his life had his best friend's name sounded like such a curse. Lupin froze, not wanting to meet Tonks's eyes.
He'd known what he'd walked in on. She was on her back on the floor and Sirius was laying on top of her. What else could it be?
Sirius had always been a womanizer, and tonight, it would seem, was no different, but this wounded him more than anything he could have ever done.
What made it even worse, he thought, was how Sirius's name sounded coming from her lips, so full of anguish and fear over his well-being.
Tonks had spoken her cousin's name with such an anguish and yet an insatiable curiosity that Remus felt his blood ignite as fire within his veins as he recollected how he'd caught Sirius on top of his partner.
He hadn't thought Sirius capable of forcing himself on a young woman like some kind of—of dog.
He curled his free hand that had previously been holding the small ball of flame into a fist to prevent himself from striking out at Padfoot in sheer anger.
The question was, and one that he could not answer given that he hadn't been here to witness what the hell had happened in his absence, was how exactly familiar Tonks had become with Sirius, and his best friend must have truly laid on the charm something thick in order for him to walk in on…this.
Lupin would be lying to himself if he also did not admit that he hadn't liked the look of concern and shock on Tonks's face as she was currently the only barrier between himself and Sirius, nor was the look that Sirius was giving her in return particularly reassuring, and he let out a growl as Sirius laid a hand on Tonks's shoulder, to which she promptly ignored and fixated her attention on Remus.
He didn't like the glances exchanged between the two of them.
"Remus, please, you—you asked me if I trusted you. I do, more than anything, and more than anyone else in my life right now, and now I ask the same of you. As your partner. I'm asking you right now…if you can…trust me. Listen to me. Trust. Me. There's—nothing happened. I—I fell a—and Sirius…caught me," pleaded Tonks, sticking out her bottom lip in a slight pout, but her voice sounded distant, muffled, and garbled, as though she were underwater, and all Lupin could focus on was the horrible vision of his best friend on top of his partner, how Sirius's hand had hovered too close to Tonks's right breast for his comfort, that it burned so bad, it felt like fire lacing through his veins and igniting hotter than any Hungarian Horntail dragon could flame.
All Remus could feel in the moment was to despise his best friend's despicable behavior.
"I would never have believed it of you, Sirius," he whisper hissed his words through gritted teeth, lowering his voice so Tonks couldn't hear, and he stifled his growl of irritation as he gingerly clutched onto the young witch's arm and as gently as he could, shoved her out of harm's way.
Tonks let out a muffled whine of pain and that one small cry of pain was just enough to cause for Remus to decide to act.
Best friend or not, what Sirius had just attempted to do to his partner could not go unpunished. He let go of his reserved behaviors, his timidness, for they would do him no good here.
He launched himself at Sirius, closing off the gap of space between the two of them with a cry of rage upon his lips.
This had gone on far enough. Tonks was his partner. Not Sirius's. Not Arthur's, not Severus's. His. And it was his sworn duty, both to her, and he had promised Dumbledore and Tonks's parents that he would do everything in his power to protect her. And now it was time for him to fulfill that promise, friend or not.
He would protect her. Even if it was against his own best friend.
Lupin was intoxicated with inexplicable rage, an emotion towards Sirius he had no intention of ever feeling, the acidity of which was residing in his stomach waiting to be spat out of his mouth in vulgar and foul words he knew Tonks would likely stare at him for saying here.
Except he wasn't going to say them. He was going to shout them at Black with every ounce of breath that dwelled with his lungs.
"What. Are. You. Doing. Padfoot?" he growled, seizing a fistful of Sirius's crimson coat, and slamming Sirius harshly against the wall. "She's my partner, Padfoot, you—you bastard. Not yours. What were you thinking, Sirius? Oh, that's right, you weren't. As usual. It's like those two brain cells you've got working in that thick brain of yours are on overdrive while you try to come up with an excuse for this? Well, go on," he spat meanly. "Say it. I'm just dying to hear what you have to say for yourself, Sirius."
As the unsurmountable dragon-fire seed of anger coursed through his bloodstream and changing him, Remus felt as though he was no longer in control, and he did not hear Tonks's light pleading.
Tonks had cried Sirius's name with such concern and anguish that it only succeeded in igniting that fire-seed within his now-boiling blood even more, and he curled his free hand tightly around Padfoot's throat and lightly squeezed.
Remus felt his wand hand's fingers curl even tighter around his wand, though his hand shook with the effort to keep it lowered. He didn't want to curse Sirius in front of his partner, on her first day here home at Headquarters, but… never would he have thought it possible of his best friend, that Sirius would have the audacity to lure Tonks into the library and attempt to coerce his partner into…this, when Tonks was at her most vulnerable and still injured.
Though the way that Tonks was looking at Sirius just know was confusing and sent a swell of panic throughout his scarred and wretched body.
Just how close had the two of them gotten when he'd perhaps foolishly left Tonks alone in the care of Sirius when he'd gone with the rest of the Advance Guard to get Harry from his aunt and uncle's house in Little Whinging?
What had the two of them got up to in his absence for an hour?
Remus did not like at all the concerned tones as he heard faintly Tonks murmur Black's name, nor the look of shock and concern that was rendering her pretty features even paler than usual, and he could no longer ignore her pitiful tugging on the sleeve of his sweater as she attempted to pry him off.
"What. Happened? I want the truth, Black. All of it. Now," He growled, visibly wincing as his words came out harsher than he would have liked, and he quickly cursed himself as his new partner shirked away in fear. "Give me a reason why I shouldn't hex you right here where you stand, Padfoot," he growled, pointing his wand straight at Sirius's chest. "I could turn you into a pig…it would certainly be appropriate, considering what you just tried to do to her!"
Lupin cringed and bit the inside wall of his cheek as he heard the faltering crack and dip in his voice, and at how Tonks slowly backed away.
No doubt she must have seen the shadow of the wolf cross his features, and it did not help that the room was shrouded in shadow, in pitch darkness.
Remus bit his bottom lip and whiplashed his head back to the right, turning the worst of his wrath on Sirius, fully intent on making him bear the worst of his temper. He did not want to yell at Tonks. It wasn't her fault.
"Why were the two of you in here alone together? And why were the lights out? Don't. Lie. To. Me," he warned threateningly, baring his teeth.
Tonks's voice spoke up faintly and sounding much hoarser than before, and he could just barely make out her sweet voice through his haze of anger.
"Wh—what are you doing, Remus? Let go of Sirius! He's—he's your friend! Don't hurt him! I told you the truth, Lupin! I fell. It was an accident, he—he caught me and saved me from the worst of my fall. You're hurting him!" she protested, her gray eyes wide and round with shock as she tugged futilely on the man's sweater sleeve, desperately trying to pull him away.
Lupin watched his partner, inwardly flinching as the young witch's lips parted open in shock and abject horror at the way he was behaving towards Sirius.
And he especially did not like the way Tonks's features paled and became pallid at seeing the most unusual sight in front of her, at how furious he was.
Remus cringed, knowing how frightening this must look like to her, but he could not deny how he felt towards Padfoot. He was angry. In fact, he was on the verge of passing that point of no return and was completely furious.
But more than angry, however, Lupin felt emotionally hurt by Sirius's betrayal, and his lip curled and pulled back as he thought of what he tried to do.
He didn't know whether to scream and rage or curse Padfoot into oblivious for his heinous actions. All of the emotions welling up inside the confines of his chest were beginning to drive his mind utterly insane and savage.
"Please don't do this, Remus. Sirius isn't at fault for this. I am. Punish me if you must, but let him go," Tonks begged, stepping to the front, not once relinquishing her surprisingly strong and ironclad grip on his sweater sleeve.
It was just enough to momentarily break Lupin out of his raging stupor, and Remus felt his face drain of color as he promptly looked Tonks over once.
He could see hints of purple and black bruises starting to form on her face, and what looked suspiciously like finger markings around the pale column of her throat, though he supposed those could still be remnants of Crouch's attack. Lupin didn't know for sure.
"Did he hurt you?" Remus growled angrily.
Tonks rapidly shook her head no in a curt gesture, looking like she was blinking back briny tears and on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.
"N—no, but…let him go, Lupin! Can't you see you're choking him?!"
Remus blinked and turned back around to regard Sirius, who was maintaining a stoic look of a perfect impassiveness, though his hands had come to claw pitifully around Lupin's hand currently holding his throat hostage.
Tonks gingerly stepped in front of Sirius by ducking under Lupin's outstretched arm and firmly planted herself as a barrier between Padfoot and him and regarded her partner with a look of desperate pleading on her face.
"Sirius is my cousin, Remus. I—I swear there is nothing between us whatsoever. You've my word on that," she promised solemnly, a muscle in her jaw twitching. "He's…proven himself to be quite kind, and a friend to me…"
Friend. A friend?! Remus felt like his mind was reeling as it throbbed and pounded relentlessly.
Through his relentless, unceasing hurt and immense confusion ceased to exist the moment Sirius dared to open his mouth to speak.
"Y—you won't kill me, Moony," he whispered, his voice a mere hoarse, croak. "You and I…couldn't…kill Pettigrew…you'd kill me…over…this?!"
"H—he helped me save Ptelea, Remus," Tonks confessed, casting a wary glance towards the still-open air ventilation shaft, and she felt the heat creep to her cheeks at a snail's pace as Lupin's gaze curiously followed hers.
Tonks bit her bottom lip and stuck it out in a slight pout, really hoping her partner wouldn't start asking specific questions of her little rescue mission.
His temper was already a hair's trigger away from imploding, and Tonks knew that if Remus learned of her rather unorthodox and quite frankly, stupid plan, that she'd crawled on her stomach and elbows in the air vent with a broken ankle and recovering from multiple lacerations, a Splinched arm, and stab wounds, then he would surely never forgive her, nor would he trust her.
And for that reason alone, she could not tell him the truth, she realized, as a light tinkling bell in the back of her conscience chimed a warning in her mind, and then Ollie's voice spoke to her in his solemn baritone, curt voice.
If you tell him of your plan, then he might think it was Sirius's idea…
"If you needed help, then you should have come to me," Lupin snarled, his grip on Padfoot's throat only tightening. He stifled a low growl at the back of his throat.
Seeing how pale Tonks was becoming, and he recognized the growing look of anguish in her eyes, and how her grip had slackened slightly on his sweater sleeve, Remus quickly came to the realization she was losing strength. "You need to sit down, Tonks. You are tired. You need to rest."
"No." Tonks's answer was only one word, but firm enough in her stance for Lupin to recognize that his partner was not going to listen to him in the slightest. Her gaze shifted slightly as she turned at the waist to look at Sirius.
Lupin bristled as he decided that he did not like the familiarity in which Tonks was behaving around Sirius, cousin or not, and he especially could not explain away why the fact that his partner's worried gaze settled over Padfoot's face, the column of his throat still held hostage by Remus's strong face, bothered him so badly that it burned like fire, and hurt like hell in his heart.
"What happened here, Tonks? Did Sirius hurt you?" Remus growled. "Tell me the truth!"
Tonks felt her eyes behind their lids become suddenly dry and a near fear threatened to engulf her completely.
Something within Lupin had changed, and this was perhaps her third or fourth time seeing the man so changed, and not for the better, and she didn't like it at all.
His light brown eyes had shifted, darkened, and burned hot and steadfast with a wave of anger for his best friend that she had not thought possible in the man, though the more rational side of her at the moment chastised her at the back of her mind, remembering Umbridge's visit.
Words left her. Tonks blinked owlishly at her partner as she stared into Lupin's eyes burning with such a fit of anger and animosity towards her cousin, and her heart fell silent. "Answer me!" Remus roared, finally losing his patience.
"I…" she stammered, and her voice trailed off as she looked into Remus's eyes. But Tonks couldn't force her lips to move. She supposed she was struggling to form an apt response to his demand for an answer because she herself, in a way, was still much too shell-shocked to respond.
Her mind felt blank as a piece of parchment paper and her eyes wide as she stared at Remus in abject horror. His eyes met hers as they desperately searched hers…waiting….
Remus's gentleness in the current moment had completely vanished, his previous timidness and somewhat reserved and shy nature, whenever he was around her, was now practically non-existent.
He was…furious. Angry. At her.
The wolfish-like growl he had released moments again from deep within his chest sent a wash of cold over her entire body and a tremor of fear down her spine.
Tonks bit the inside wall of her cheek and nervously fidgeted with her fingers as she tried to think of something—anything—to say or do to calm him.
Deep within the recesses of her heart, Tonks knew that, just in her limited timespan of interacting with her new partner thus far, that Remus would never hurt her or cause her intentional harm, but seeing him like this…
And even worse, behaving this way towards his best friend? It was terrifying. Tonks emanated a tense, shaking breath through her nose and closed her eyes.
Please don't do this, Remus. Please don't. She did not want Lupin to become even angrier on her account, for the poor man had done enough.
More than enough. He had purposefully put himself in harm's way not once, but twice now, first when attempting to interrogate and capture Crouch, and then again in St. Mungo's when he'd dared to talk back to Umbridge.
Tonks could honestly say at this point into their new relationship that she preferred the softer, quieter side to Remus John Lupin, and seeing him like this, with the shadow of the wolf dancing across his lined but handsome face, and flickering's of pure anger throughout those light brown orbs of his, scared her.
More than anything. She had already lost one partner, she would not lose this one to the darkness in his own heart, and right now, that seemed to be an ever-increasing probability of happening to Remus if he could not calm down.
Tonks was afraid the poor man would lose himself. Lose that part of his soul and heart that made Remus who he was.
Though she knew him now to be a werewolf, save for those 'special times of the month', he did not strike her as a particularly violent young man, no.
Remus did not seem like one who tended to live in anger, in fear, in rage. That was not him. Nope. Lupin was a kind man, with a good, good heart. His heart was pure and golden, and the thought of that leaving him terrified her even more than what she thought her punishment would be.
Remus let out a growl and furrowed his brows in a frown as he bared his teeth as Sirius was attempting to explain away the 'slip in his balance' moments ago.
"Moony, th—this is r—ridiculous," he coughed, still clawing at Lupin's fingers. "I know what it looks like, but I give you my word. How many years have you known me? You would truly allow our friendship to fall apart over this?! I did not hurt my cousin, Remus. Let. Me. Go," Sirius growled in a bark.
Lupin glanced towards Tonks, who was still tugging lightly on his arm, and he froze.
If it was possible, she had paled even more, and her entire body was shaking badly, and some of his unbridled rages immediately dissipated.
Tonks hastily took a half-step forward and planted her feet firmly on the hardwood floor beneath her boots, practically near tears. "Please, Remus. Don't." She was begging him now, but Sirius had almost tried to—he had seen it with his own wretched sight. He had walked in and found him on top of her!
Sirius couldn't be allowed to— but then his steady stream of dark thoughts swirling around like a vicious whirlpool in his tired head was immediately interrupted by a violent spell of shaking coughing from Padfoot.
Remus blinked rapidly and snarled like a vicious dog who'd had his prized bone taken from him as he swiveled his head back around so fast to regard Sirius, that Padfoot had to move his head back to avoid connecting with his.
"Y—you would…kill me…Remus? Th—this isn't you, Moony. Stop this, think what you're doing. You—you don't…" Sirius managed to choke out, sounding more amused than anything else, and he opened his mouth further to speak, but whatever he'd been about to say was interrupted by another fit.
Remus instinctively loosened his hold, not enough to free his friend, but it was enough that it wouldn't crush Sirius, where he had him pinned against the wall practically dead to rights, though the way Tonks was currently eyeing his best friend had him strongly reconsidering this desire. What did Sirius want with his partner?
"I don't what?" Lupin growled through clenched teeth and locked jaw, and, using less than a fraction of his sometimes overwhelming strength whenever he would let the Mad Beast within out, that he desperately worked so hard over the years to quell within himself, as he felt the Beast now currently tug and strain against its chains, snarling and howling like the savage wolf it was.
Lupin was not in a patient mood, having returned from Harry's aunt and uncle's house almost soaking wet, given Mad-Eye had tried to make them all double back and go through their clouds on their brooms to make sure they weren't being followed, and the entire duration of the trip he'd been plagued with the thought that Tonks was somehow in trouble, if not wallowing in some sort of misplacing self-pity, feeling as though she were somehow useless given the extent of her injuries, which could not have been further from the truth, and hoping that Sirius was caring for her, and now this. Sirius's betrayal was too much.
Oh, he 'took care' of her all right, that snakelike demonic voice whisper hissed into the shell of his ear, that sounded entirely too much like Severus for Remus's comfort.
He'd come back to find her not in her place where he'd left her, the sofa vacant, empty, and no sign of where she could have gone off to.
Just the sign of the empty sofa was enough to send the already frazzled man into a state of near panic, for as her partner, in many ways, she was his responsibility. He'd asked Molly, and she'd not seen Tonks or Sirius in an hour.
And then to venture into the library, on the off chance she might have thought to explore the lower levels of Grimmauld Place, though she really needed to be off her feet and resting and not putting added strained weight on her ankle, he'd thought to check in here, and he'd found Sirius on top of her like a wild dog in heat.
Remus growled as the unpleasant visual refused to part from his dark swirling vortex of thoughts that involved Sirius hurting greatly.
Even…dying. Remus let out a guttural snarl from the back of his throat as he allowed the Mad Beast a little freer reign as he felt one of the links of the chains snap.
Tonks blinked in surprise and glanced towards Sirius, whose face was paling rapidly, and her cousin and Harry Potter's godfather didn't seem able to breathe. "NO!" she screamed and bit the wall of her cheek. "Don't do this!"
Remus could hear a faint voice calling to him, pleading with him to stay this madness before he made the biggest mistake of his life. A faint, quiet voice.
It was too shy to be Lily's, lower in tone than Molly Weasley's, older than Ginny's, so…who, then? Again, the semi-familiar voice called his name.
However, his thoughts and emotions were warring violently within his mind and his mind had become so polluted and diluted with rage that he could not discern exactly who the mysterious female's voice belonged to.
His anger towards Sirius escalated to an entirely new plane of existence, and all his mind could dwell on was what he had almost walked in on, what Sirius had almost done…
Could his partner really, truly not be allowed to be left unattended for more than an hour on her own while he had an important Order errand to run.
Apparently not. There really was no such thing as a safe sanctuary any more.
The voice that spoke to Remus, Lily's sweet voice of sound reason, had by this point as events escalated and unfolded before his eyes, all but faded from the confines of his mind. James's voice was muffled, but still trying to reach him.
The only thing he was left with was his rage towards Sirius. Remus let out a growl and moved in closer, but before his ironclad grip could tighten around Black's throat and end this damned conflict of theirs, Lupin felt something soft collide against his chest, and a pair of slender, slightly weak arms wrapping themselves around his middle, and whoever it was, was practically grunting with the effort as they slowly but surely propelled him backward, trying to pry him away from Sirius.
And a voice, its soft susurration's wafting to his eardrums. A voice calling his name. No, not calling out to him. Begging him.
Her voice. Tonks was pleading with him, her tone soft and frantic. "Please don't do this, Remus! Let go of Sirius right now. Please, please, put him down!"
The voice's resolution was growing slightly firmer, stronger now, and somehow, albeit miraculously, through the dense fog of his blinding rage and inner turmoil that was waging war on the already troubled confines of his mind, Remus recognized the sweet sound of his partner's voice, and a vision of her lovely face darted through his mind.
The vibrant image of an incredibly intelligent witch in her mid-twenties, with short pink hair cut in a stylish pixie, that would have made Umbridge feel as though she were connecting with a kindred spirit, and he blinked owlishly once or twice, and Tonks's face appeared clearly.
The young witch's eyes had the eyes of dove feathers, not the albino kind, but the ones with a hue so softly grey that they could have been pencil drawn.
They had that look of birds flying on sunlit days, the shine and quick movement, yet relaxed, purposeful, at ease, and as such, put his soul at ease, too.
But perhaps more so than her eyes, it was the witch's bright white smile that had captured his attention most of all, and for some reason or other, that was foreign and quite unfamiliar to the melancholy wizard, made him feel almost breathless whenever he was around her presence. "Let go of Sirius, Remus!"
The pink-haired Auror's smile was one of happiness growing, like whenever a flower was in full bloom. Remus could see how it came from deep inside to light the witch's grey eyes and spread into every fiber, every part of her.
A person smiles with more than just their mouth, and Lupin could hear it in Tonks's words, in the choice of her words, and the way she relaxed with him.
It was…beautiful. Startled by this, Lupin blinked and was immediately shoved back into the harsh reality of his situation. Immediately, as if by witch's curse, whatever spell he had been temporarily placed under fled him, and Tonks's image was all that remained.
And yet, for all his efforts, he couldn't rid himself of the young woman's sweet voice, and he found himself not wishing to, either.
"Please, Remus." Her voice had become a whispered plea, and hopeless, listless as if all the energy had been sapped from her. "Let go of Sirius right now before you hurt him."
Dazed and not fully coherent, Lupin felt his hand not clutching onto his wand loosen his grip and he relinquished his hand's hold on Sirius Black's throat.
Lupin ignored Black slumping to the floor, using the wall as a brace for his back, as Padfoot erupted into a violent coughing fit, choking, clutching onto his throat.
Remus glanced downward, for that was where her voice originated from. She was…she was…hugging him, albeit rather weakly, and her form was shaking badly as the strength was leaving her legs, having exerted her body past its limits for one day, and Lupin knew that Tonks's stress levels were enormous.
All your fault, the snakelike voice taunted, growing louder by the second.
Remus's gaze was drawn to her pale and perfect hands, currently clutching onto folds of his black woolen sweater as though her life depended on it. Small various cuts dotted alone the bone-white surface, bleeding slightly.
Though from what, Lupin didn't know. He was lucky, at the very least, that they appeared very shallow and the blood of her wounds was dry, cracked.
She did not, thank Merlin, seem to be in any immediate physical danger, for which Lupin felt immensely relieved. "Please, Remus," she begged. "Don't."
At that moment, Remus felt as though he had been hit squarely in the chest with a Knockback Jinx. Hard.
She was…begging with him. Pleading… And her sweet voice. Not since the night he had found her wandering in a semi-state of lucid consciousness and very near death had he heard Tonks speak to him did her voice sound so helpless, distraught, cracked, withered, broken…
Another wild bout of coughing momentarily drew him away from his fellow Order member's ashen, clammy face, beads of sweat forming on her brow, and back to the front of the library's entrance door, where Sirius had shakily risen to his feet, one hand still on the column of his throat.
Lupin winced visibly as he could see red markings in the shape of his own fingers already starting to bruise.
Damn. He stifled a low moan and locked his jaw out of a sudden wave of loneliness and self-hatred for himself.
Things between him and Sirius would never be the same again after this, for how could he possibly apologize to the man now?
To his immense relief, as he heard Sirius's breathing slowly regulate back to normal and the man shot both Remus and Tonks quizzical looks, and when his inquisitive eyes drifted back towards Lupin, Padfoot had such a strange look of wonder mixed on his face intermingled with that of…almost amusement, that Remus did not know what to believe.
He could not quite explain it, nor did he care to, but he could tell as Black's gaze was unwavering and unabashed as he refused to avert his gaze first, nor Lupin from his, that Sirius did not blame him.
"Sirius?" A new voice coming from the open entryway pierced through the unbelievable tension, shattering the thick silence between the Order members. "What's—what's going on? Mrs. Weasley sent me to come to get you, and…oh, I—I didn't know you had…company, Sirius. Professor Lupin, sir, it's good to see you again, though I already said that back at my aunt and uncle's…"
Harry Potter blinked owlishly at Tonks through wide green eyes as his gaze briefly wandered the length of Tonks's broken, battered body and gawked.
Tonks furrowed her brows into a frown as the kid's mouth opened and closed a couple of times as he took in her rather haggard-looking appearance and her pink pixie cut.
Her first impression of the teenager as he looked like a fish whenever he did that, and she really wished the kid would quit staring at her.
In a further attempt to quell the awkward tension and silence between the trio of friends, Harry nervously fidgeted with the ends of his pinkish-tipped fingers to keep them warm in the Black Family House's frigid library and still, his gaze lingered on Tonks before drifting to Remus skittishly, noticing how the man remained tall and rather protective towards the young pink-haired Auror.
It did not escape Tonks's attention how the boy's gaze lingered on Tonks's left hand, which was currently clutched in an ironclad tight fist around Remus's black sweater sleeve in her feeble attempt to pull Remus away from Sirius and put as much distance as she could between the pair of feuding friends over this misunderstanding, and Tonks flushed as it lingered too long on her ring finger, no doubt looking for any sign that she was taken to put a connection with how Remus knew her.
Tonks wiggled her brows and quirked one of them Harry's way nervously.
Surely, he wouldn't be dumb enough to assume on me not wearing a ring. No. Surely not. From what Dumbledore's told you of him, he's smart. But… He's certainly not living up to his expectations, is he? Tonks mused.
It felt as though as she observed the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived, in silence, that Harry James Potter was not exactly living up to the high standards or the stories about the boy of whom she had been told so much about at work.
Her mind continued these conflicting thoughts, swirling around in her tired head, and Tonks let out a barely audible sigh and rested her hand in her left cheek as though thoroughly bored, though, in actuality, she was quite relieved.
If it weren't for Harry showing up, Remus and your cousin might have come to blows, and you're way too weak right now to stop it from happening.
"Professor Lupin, sir," Harry began hesitantly, nervously weaving his fingers in between his knuckles. "I didn't know you had…family, sir. Is this your wife?" he asked, his widened green eyes drifting back towards Tonks and Lupin.
Tonks felt her jaw drop open slightly in shock, as she blinked owlishly at the kid's wide green eyes behind his rimless glasses, too stunned to provide an apt response and tell him no, she was not his wife, but rather, his partner, and he needed to pay better attention to his surroundings and not be so quick to make assumptions, for she wore no ring on her left finger, which she would if she were married, but she wasn't.
Tonks frowned, stunned at the fifteen-year-old's query. She bit the inside wall of her cheek, her frown deepening as the minutes dragged on. How thick can you possibly get?
She wiggled her brows at the boy, though he did not catch her look and thereby in retrospect, missed her subtle hint.
The moment Harry Potter had entered into the library, Remus's expression had become for lack of a better word, considering they were in a library, unreadable.
It was blank, devoid of all emotions. Lupin's head was slightly angled and bowed, and Tonks let out a sigh and blinked back frustrated tears.
By Merlin's beard, could the last two nights get any worse for her?!
Keep it together, T, Ollie's voice lightly chastised her, his baritone voice cutting through the ringing in her eardrums that was still resonating in her ears from all the shouting that Lupin threw Sirius's way but only a moment ago. He needs you to be his pillar of strength right now. Be strong. For him.
Though, the moment the question tumbled unchecked from Harry's lips, it seemed enough to break her partner out of his petrified state and respond.
"She is your wife, Professor, sir, isn't she?" Harry asked again, frowning.
That did it.
Tonks watched in stunned silence, she herself too shocked to respond to the boy's question, as Remus's head jerked so fast upward that she promptly withdrew her hand from the man's sweater sleeve.
His eyes were ablaze still with some raw, untamed emotion she could only describe as pure anger, though at Harry Potter's question posed to him, his lingering anger evaporated.
In its place, she watched as Remus struggled to regain composure of the myriad of emotions raging war in his mind as he struggled to answer his former student's question. "I…" he stammered, his voice trailing off quietly. She bit the inside wall of her cheek as a light pink blush speckled along her partner's cheek.
After a rather lingering and uncomfortable silence, it was none other than Sirius who came to his best friend's rescue, though not before hugging his godson.
"No, Harry, they aren't married, but they are….together," Sirius said pointedly, fixing Remus and Tonks with a quizzical look, and Tonks was sure, yes, she was sure, that he shot the pair of them the briefest of winks, and she felt the tousling of her hair, and she quickly realized that Ptelea had poked his head out from underneath his spot.
Remus coughed once in embarrassment and turned his head to the side before swiveling his head back around and regarded Tonks with an incredulous look on his face and in his eyes.
"I…Harry this is my…my partner, Nymphadora Tonks," he began, and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards in a slight smile as Harry, Sirius, and he watched as Tonks scrunched her nose and pulled a face.
"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus," she snapped, feeling her temper swell at the use of her surname, and if truth be told, she was still very much on edge over what had almost happened just now between poor Remus and Sirius. "It's Tonks. Or…"
Dora is what she wanted to say if he was dead set on calling her by her first name, though Lupin had yet to call her that. She wondered if he ever would. Perhaps in time once they became more familiar with one another.
Remus offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile before turning back to Harry, though Tonks felt her brows knit together in quandary. She wasn't at all fooled. The smile currently plastered on his lined and handsome face was fake. "Who prefers to be known by her surname only," he finished warmly.
"So, would you if your fool of a mother called you Nymphadora," Tonks scowled, knitting her brows together in a frown as she recollected faintly the yells and screams of her parents and their hostile behavior towards Remus earlier.
This was all too much.
Tonks recognized the look of anguish and despair in her partner's eyes and suddenly, wanted nothing more than to get the kid out of here and speak to Remus alone. She did not know what he needed from her.
But it was up to Lupin to communicate whatever that thing or those things might be. Tonks blinked and took a half-step out from behind where Lupin stood and felt her eyes widen in shock and awe as she took in the form of Harry Potter.
Her gaze briefly wandered up to the red lightning bolt-shaped scar on his forehead, and she promptly looked away when the fifteen-year-old blushed in embarrassment and shakily covered a hand to his forehead, as if to hide the scar.
"Bet you wouldn't mind hiding that scar sometimes, huh?" Tonks asked, in a last-ditch effort to steer the conversation towards something more pleasant.
"You could say that," Harry murmured darkly, to which Tonks nodded sympathetically.
Tonks, sensing Remus's newfound state of dumbfounded shock, as the man seemed to have temporarily lost the ability to form a cohesive sentence, stepped forward as gingerly as she could and outstretched a hand.
"Thank you, Harry, for…coming to find us. I—I'm sure you're hungry after the trip over here." she breathed, shooting Sirius and Lupin a dark little glance and gave a jerk of her head towards the open door. "Um, would you tell Mrs. Weasley that Remus and I will be right there and take Sirius with you and get him some water? He...almost passed out earlier?"
She shot Sirius a silently pleading look with her eyes, and drew in abated breath and held it, not aware she was even doing so until she saw her cousin offer a silent nod towards both Remus and herself, that Tonks heard herself release it.
Tonks could have sworn she felt Lupin stiffen in a reactionary way, and she clenched her eyes tightly shut as she somehow managed to detach his hand from her forearm and she hobbled behind Sirius and Harry Potter, who continuously kept shooting Lupin and Tonks quizzical glances behind his back.
Silently fuming, Tonks let out a tired sigh as a muscle in her jaw twitched as she escorted the godfather and his godson to the library's door and closed it once they had crossed the threshold of the room and back out into the corridor.
Exhaling a slightly shaking sigh of relief, Tonks breathed in slow. In and out. In and out. Repeat a few more times and she felt her heartbeat come down off its high.
It didn't feel like she was going to pass out anymore, so that was good.
It was evident by the look in Remus's eyes that he needed her support.
Remus bit down hard on his tongue as his jaw clenched and his teeth dug on the wall of his mouth again. He let out a quick and dense breath aggravated with tension still, as his mind was no doubt plagued with visions of her and Sirius.
He had—oh, Merlin, he had almost injured his best friend, and for what? Because he had caught the two of them in a seemingly compromising position?
Lupin felt like he didn't have time to linger on the strange, foreign feeling of possessiveness that he felt whenever Tonks was around other men, for she was the one suffering.
He visibly winced at seeing the hallowing in the woman's face. The darkening circles underneath both eyes. Cold sweat was forming on her browbone, glistening on her gaunt features. Her eyes sunken in and slightly sallow skin, Tonks was not looking good at all, and Lupin's guilt intensified, knowing the stress her body was undergoing, was direct causation of his actions towards Sirius a few moments ago.
All your fault, the snakelike voice hissed into the shell of his ear, whispering it over and over again.
She'd no doubt did not have a decent night's sleep in who knows when, and Remus's guilt sat heavily on his shoulders, and he knew that he could not un-do tonight what had been done.
The best that Remus could hope for was that Sirius would forgive him.
Remus growled in irritation and shoved aside thoughts of Padfoot for now. Tonks was the one who needed him to be strong, for she was experiencing pain, and all he wanted to do was shove aside thoughts of Sirius for now and think of how to keep his partner from hurting even more. Though he didn't know how.
He watched in silence, too stunned for words as Tonks limped towards him. Maybe there was nothing there, and he would completely understand her reasoning if she no longer desired him as her partner after he'd behaved, but…
And then he blinked as she held out her arms and did not hesitate to envelop him in her arms, taking him completely by surprise and catching him off-guard.
The hug was a simple-enough gesture—affection laced within, perhaps even the beginnings of a tentative understanding between the two of them, he knew.
Though what Remus did not know at the time, nor did Tonks, was that it was the beginnings of something much stronger, as this was the solidifying moment that their bond became as hot as molten lava, hard and unbreakable as stone when Nymphadora Tonks did not condemn or yell at him for his behavior.
The arms that held him about his middle were soft and yet strong. The feel of Tonks's body and the heat she seemed to radiate, so close to his own, soothed Remus all the more, more so than he had expected.
Automatically, Lupin felt his arms fold about her shoulders, and rested his chin on top of the young witch's hair, allowing the scent of honeysuckle and pinewood and autumn to calm him.
Gingerly, as if handling the most delicate of china, Remus lifted his hand as it somehow found its way to the back of her hair and entangled his fingers in her thick strands, allowing them to drift comfortingly through the rest of her hair.
"Tonks?" He winced at how uncertain and cracked her name sounded coming from him in his current emotional state of distress over her and Sirius.
Remus furrowed his brows into a slight frown as he promptly lowered his hand and it came to rest at but not on her waist just in case she felt faint or sick.
But even more so than that, he was surprised at how both of her hands curled into tight fists over his arms, as though she were the one clinging to him as if she believed he would somehow vanish right before her very eyes right now.
"It's all right, Remus. I—I don't blame you for what happened, but I—I need you to trust me. I'm your partner, Lupin. Nothing happened between Sirius and me. I am telling you the truth. I fell. He caught me, and you walked in on it. That's all. Nothing more and nothing less."
Tonks's voice was hoarse, and it cracked and faltered when she said his name. Disbelief and worry wrought within her tones, and yet, as she regarded her partner in silence, the faintest ghost of a smile crossed her beautiful features, and her gray inquisitive eyes almost seemed to crinkle and brighten with pure light.
It felt as though several moments passed that felt like an eternity to him. Remus was internally relieved that his partner did not relinquish her grip on him, for he did not want to let this celestial like creature within his grasp go. Ever.
The little world confined in the library seemed to distort and melt away as Lupin lowered his chin slightly to meet Tonks's gaze. In those silent seconds, an unspoken feeling passed between the two of them, a private moment.
What it was, Remus did not know, and he didn't even claim to understand it, but perhaps Molly would know what it was later if he was of a sound mind to ask her later.
He could not even remember what he had almost done. What had he almost done?
And then, as his gaze briefly drifted towards the now-closed door, he remembered, and it hit him like he'd been hit square in the chest with a spell. Remus winced and cast a furtive, guilty look back towards Tonks as his memory came back to him, and immediately wished that he had not looked.
The abject horror he had felt at coming into the library in search of Tonks and finding Sirius in a compromising, suggestive position on top of Nymphadora.
And then rage. Hot, fiery scalding rage hotter than any dragon flame as it burned through his veins, like nothing else he'd ever felt before.
Not even Crouch the other night invoked this sense of anger. It seemed it had hurt worse when it was a man whom he considered above all else his last remaining friend.
To his utter horror, Remus realized that he had welcomed this anger into his heart, and he felt that damned stubborn corded muscle within his chest practically drop into the pit of his churning stomach, and he tasted acidic bile.
What had he almost done?! He'd almost killed Sirius just now with his anger. "Oh, God…I—I almost killed Sirius, Tonks. I—I can't…" He cried, turning away from Tonks, and raking his fingers through his light brown hair. "What have I done?!?" he yelled, blinking back bitter tears.
"Shhh," Tonks murmured lowly in what she hoped was a soothing and reassuring tone. Still, the young pink-haired Auror did not relinquish her grip on his arm, and Remus could feel the witch move and match his movements.
Her fingers tightened on the back of his sweater for support, her one good hand not bound in its sling drifted upwards and found its way to the back of his hair and she absently smoothed down a stray fly away, and Lupin could not repress the slight tremor that had nothing to do with the cool temperature of this room as it traveled down his back as she raked her fingers through his coarse brown hair.
"It's all right, Remus," she murmured. "Sirius already forgives you. I saw it in his eyes. You—you didn't mean it. You—you were reacting out of anger for my well-being."
"Tonks?" Lupin's quiet, reserved voice sounded much rougher and coarser than before, and more than a little slightly put off, Tonks was inclined to believe, though she had no time to question it as she quickly turned her head.
She sniffed once and flicked back the one and only tear as it traveled down her cheek, for her partner did not need to see her cry yet again if she could help it.
"Yes?" Tonks whispered, hating hearing how her voice lowered an octave.
"I…" Lupin's voice broke as it faltered and he hesitated in his resolve as if he did not know exactly how to phrase whatever it was that he wanted to say to her. "I…I am so sorry. I never meant to—for any of this to happen, I…."
Remus's soft tones came out as broken and distraught, and his strong arms tightened around the young woman, and Tonks let out a muffled squeak of surprise as suddenly, her head was nestled underneath his chin as he hugged her.
Tonks furrowed her brows and resisted the urge to let out a groan of frustration.
Again, he blamed himself and was now trying to apologize to her. Again. But why?!
Why did everything within the last few hours suddenly revolve around hurt feelings, tears, and apologies?
What on Merlin's green earth could Remus have done that warranted the amount of hurt and anguish that surged through his tones, for Tonks knew he had done nothing wrong just now.
Tonks emanated a tense exhale through her nose and albeit reluctantly pulled apart and stepped back slightly to study Remus's pale, incredibly hurt face.
"I forgive you," she whispered, speaking the words she knew Lupin needed to hear. "I'm sorry too, my friend. Let's…let's just try to put it behind us. Perhaps we both apologize for the way that we acted towards one another and move forward with our relationship?" Tonks bit her bottom lip and stuck it out in a slight pout.
Remus could feel his brown eyes widen in shock and awe and he could not help the shock that crept its way into his tone as his question passed his lips.
"Wh—what? Why are you sorry? There's nothing to be sorry for."
Now it was Tonks's turn to look incredibly confused because her expression changed from one of morose to one of immense astonishment.
"Why? What do you mean, 'what for?'" she scowled, biting the wall of her cheek. "Because I hurt your feelings earlier. I—I shouldn't have lost my temper with you. I—I didn't mean to…to chase you away, it's just that…"
Here, Tonks's voice trailed off and she looked away for a moment to compose herself. "That everything that's happened to me in the last few days, happened so quickly…and...I really do like you. I like you a lot, and I did not take your feelings into account, Remus. I'm sorry."
Lupin nodded, though he was lost. He was the one who had not listened to her and had almost injured his best friend.
"But I'm the one who should apologize, Tonks. I hurt you. I—I didn't respect that you needed your space."
Tonks opened her mouth to say something to him but must have thought better of it because she promptly closed it. "Don't worry about it. We're past it. We're past it."
Remus could only watch as Tonks gave a soft sigh of exasperation and carded her fingers through her pixie cut.
Lupin watched as his partner began to nervously fidget with her fingers. He had clearly noticed Tonks's dilemma, for he spoke once again, but this time, his tone was more certain, and much clearer and more articulate than before. "I—I would like that. To…to put the last few days behind us, Tonks."
Tonks offered a curt nod, signaling that she understood and respected his needs. "I meant what I said," she began cautiously, untangling her fingers from her short hair and offering him a shy, small half-smile that made his heart flutter. "That you and I both apologize for the way we acted and move forward? I—I want our partnership to get on the right foot with one another, you, and me. Could we try again, Remus? We have to if this is going to work," she asked, unable to disguise the note of hope in her voice and she glanced down and realized he had offered her his arm to escort her out of the bloody freezing library and to the kitchens of Headquarters.
"Try again?" Remus repeated, as though he had misheard Tonks's words, stepping forward gingerly as he reached up the hand not currently offering his partner support so swipe his bangs off his forehead. "Even after...that," he said, a pained look in his eyes as his gaze flitted towards the scorch mark on the wallpaper that he had caused. "You are still willing to forgive me because you want to..." His voice trailed off, and he looked away, biting his tongue. "Are you sure you want this? Can we start again? You and me? Can I get to know you, Nymphadora?"
Tonks playfully scrunched her nose at her partner in jest and rolled her eyes as Lupin carefully opened the library door, and the sounds of the other Order members and the Weasleys and Harry and his friends Ron and Hermione gathered in the kitchens of Grimmauld Place for dinner, and Molly called them.
"Please don't call me that," she sighed in exasperation. "If you must call me by my first name, then please…call me Dora. Only if you want, Remus," she groaned.
Remus grinned, and it sent an unexpected spiral of warmth throughout her entire system, and Tonks decided that she liked it, this heat emanating in her chest. "I think I like that better anyway. Much better than calling you by your surname only. Very well. Dora."
She shivered at the way it sounded, though it wasn't necessarily a bad feeling, though it did leave Tonks feeling quite confused and warm.
"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Tonks asked as she allowed herself to be guided gingerly and slowly down the darkened hallway towards the chaotic kitchen, where it sounded like Mrs. Weasley was yelling at Fred and George for bewitching a cutting board and knife with bread towards the table, and it sounded as though it had narrowly avoided missing Sirius's right hand.
Tonks heard herself speak the words, and she believed she really did sound quite dim, and she bit the inside wall of her cheek, cursing herself for being so stupid.
It had not been her intention at all to come across as rather dim-witted. If Remus wanted dim-witted for a partner, then Dumbledore would have given him Harry Potter, Tonks thought rather meanly as she recollected the boy's mindless query of how the boy had assumed the two of them to be married.
Married! She frowned as she realized Lupin had not answered her query.
It was when Remus allowed a light laugh to escape his lips and he squeezed her arm, and gave her a blindingly bright smile that Tonks knew she was in serious, serious trouble…