It was difficult to keep up with him. He was walking so fast that Madeline thought he would disappear from her view any minute.
She didn't even understand where he was leading her, because she could only look at his tense shoulders and silky, black hair.
When he stopped, she understood. And her eyes filled with tears.
"Not here" she whispered.
He raised an eyebrow, confused. "Why?"
"Too many good memories… We can't taint them."
Severus' face darkened then, as if she had just confirmed all his suspicions.
"I need you to do it here, Madeline." He only said, and walked inside of the Room of Requirement. She took a deep breath and followed him.
It had taken the resemblance of a dark, empty classroom; she didn't like the place. The boy, on the other hand, looked comfortable in that scenario. It was clear to her, then, that Severus was probably feeling dreadfully miserable.
A tear escaped from her eye, and he noticed it immediately. For a moment, he looked concerned. "Why are you crying?"
She used her finger to remove the tear. "You know why…"
He took some steps in her direction. It was as if some hope had emerged from the depth of his heart. "Madeline… I know what you want to do, I can read it in your face. But… You're not forced to do it. Not if that makes you suffer..."
She smiled painedly and shook her head. "Of course it makes me suffer, Severus." She hissed back and he halted in his tracks. "But that doesn't mean it isn't right."
He snorted. "Right, you say? A funny word to use." He ironically commented.
The girl raised his eyes to meet his. He always became defensive when he felt attacked.
"There's nothing funny about all of this", Madeline spat out and moved towards the boy "You just had to do that, didn't you?"
"What?" Severus raised his eyebrows, and properly looked at her. He appeared perplexed, "Your friends almost killed me, have you forgotten that?"
The Gryffindor girl sighed deeply before speaking again. "Sirius acted like a total dick… That's true, and I hate him for that… Merlin knows if I'll ever forgive him…"
Severus's onyx eyes lighted up at that.
"What he did to Remus… I can't accept that. He betrayed him." She said, "And I don't like people who hurt my friends."
"W-what? You're mad at Black… For what he did to LUPIN?" He asked quickly. Then, he snorted. "What a nice lover I have." He sarcastically said.
Madeline froze at that. "Don't… call me that. And don't you fucking dare use that tone with me."
Severus took some steps in her direction. "Don't call you that? Fuck, Madeline, I was kissing you on the floor of my Common Room not too many nights ago!"
"I wish I could go back to that day to warn myself not to trust you!" she spat back in return. "I knew something was wrong, you had stepped away from me! And then… Then you did that thing for Saint Valentine's and I thought everything would be alright! Fuck myself!" she rambled out, and started crying again. She hated him for letting her down.
He knew he had done something so very wrong, then, because he had never seen her as sad and tired as that. He understood she had restrained herself since that moment.
"Listen…"
"You promised me, Sev."
"Madeline, I…"
"You told me you wouldn't try to find out about Remus's secret."
He stopped at that. "I did."
"I was protecting you all the time, stupid boy. What did you think? Did you believe I was keeping my friends' secrets just for the hell of it?"
Severus shrugged. He knew he had to be honest. She deserved the truth. "You Gryffindors are immature and childish. Yeah… I thought that."
She laughed an empty laugh. "And so, you decided you wouldn't give a fuck. I'm glad to know."
He rolled his eyes and reached for her, but she took a step back. He sighed. "Of course I gave a fuck, Madeline. I didn't want to let you down! But… your friends… Merlin, I hate them. They're ruining us."
"THEY are ruining us?" Madeline's eyes shot opened wide. "Yes, Sirius provoked you, but YOU decided to go there, YOU entered the shrieking shack, YOU were so curious about Remus' secret, YOU betrayed ME!"
Severus couldn't keep his calm anymore. Not when the girl that he… Fuck, he couldn't say that. Not when Madeline was shouting at him like that. Not when the best thing that ever happened to him was about to be taken from him. And all because of the fucking Marauders.
"I WAS ABOUT TO GET KILLED, MADELINE. KILLED, UNDERSTAND? AND YOU COME HEAR AND YOU SHOUT AT ME ABOUT STUPID PROMISES?! YOU KNOW YOUR FRIENDS! THEY DID THIS TO US, NOT ME!" Severus shouted, and his voice was so loud she held her breath. It lasted a second.
"FUCKING HELL, SEVERUS… I KNOW!" she couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "I KNOW ABOUT WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED! …AND I WAS SO FUCKING WORRIED WHEN I FOUND OUT! I HATE YOU FOR THIS. YOU DID THIS TO US. NOT THEM. BLAME YOURSELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM THIS, TOO."
They stared at each other for a long time. Their breaths were ragged and their cheeks red.
He wanted to kiss her so much. Maybe she would leave him do that.
Both were so angry. Both so sorry.
It passed some time before they calmed themselves, and found the strength to speak again.
"So, this is it?" he asked, not quite believing what he was saying.
"I wish you told Sirius to fuck off, that night. But you didn't. You ruined us."
He laughed an empty laugh, and turned away from her. "Sure, Madeline, repeat that to yourself…" he said. "Repeat to yourself that Potter saved me, too."
She sighed. "Leave James out of this. It wasn't his fault."
"How can you say that?!" he exclaimed, angry.
She shook his head. "Severus... The fact is this: you knew what we promised each other. We knew war would tear us apart. And what did you decide? That you couldn't wait for war to do that. You did it yourself. What do you want me to say now? That I loved you?"
He didn't reply to that, so she stepped up to stand right in front of him. Only some inches separated them. He could feel her hot breath on his chin, because she was looking up to properly stare at him. He only wanted to cry and to hug her, put his face in the crook of her neck and breath her scent. He wanted to feel at home again.
"Yes." He said.
"Why don't you say it first, then?"
Severus studied her blue eyes. He had really fucked up. "Madeline…"
"See? You know what… As time went by, I started thinking war wouldn't tear us apart. Because we have something strong…" she said, and he briefly nodded, "…And I really believed nothing would break it."
Severus raised a hand to grab her arm and keep her in place. "I was marked, and you stayed by my side… Merlin, Madeline, why can't you forgive this?"
"Why won't you say you're sorry?" she replied.
He shook his head. "I can't. I'd be lying to you."
"I know that." She muttered. "Instead, when you became a Death Eater… I knew you felt it had been a mistake."
"I didn't think that." he firmly stated, though his tone wasn't as convinced as the one he had used previously.
Madeline almost laughed at his expression. "We know the truth… Anyway, this time… You are absolutely convinced you've done the right thing. Even if I had asked you not to do it." She explained. "I can't forget that you preferred to harm my friends rather than to trust me."
"Madeline… I trust you. But I didn't harm your friends… They harmed me. And then they humiliated me in front of Dumbledore and the whole school."
"Dumbledore only protected Remus. He deserved that, it isn't his fault if-"
"He's a fucking werewolf, Madeline." He growled.
"And so what? I've known him since we were children. He's like a brother to me. His nature won't change that."
"He almost killed me."
Madeline sighed. She was so tired. "Severus… You know the truth. He can't control himself. That's why Dumbledore didn't expel Sirius and James. Because they're essential in order to protect Remus. He needs them. They're the only ones who can make him feel like a man."
"But he's not a man."
"Stop talking about him, or I'll walk away." She said, then.
He looked at her, and she almost thought he would lean in and kiss her, and try to wash away all the pain they were both feeling.
She really loved his onyx eyes, and his hair, and his velvety voice, and his bony hands. She loved his cleverness and his darkness. So, it broke her heart to say that. "I'm sorry, Severus… But I think we shouldn't see each other anymore."
All his emotions emerged on his face; anger, sadness, regret, fear, surprise, concern. Madeline could read them all in that moment. It was an instant, and then they all disappeared. He had locked his heart to her, too, now.
"I see." He said, with a cold tone of voice.
"Don't do that to yourself." She whispered.
"Do what?"
"Don't let them take your heart. You promised me this too, once. Please, don't break this promise, at least." She whispered, and her mind travelled back to the night he had gone to her, after being marked.
"Why would you care?" he asked, and stepped away from her.
"I'll always care, Severus." She only said, and directed towards the exit of the Room.
"Madeline…" the voice that pronounced her name wasn't cold anymore, but shaken, and trembling, and full of desperation.
She turned to see the boy, and she recognized her Severus. The one who held her and whispered sweet things in her ear. The one she loved.
She waited for him to add something, but he talked no more. Blue eyes stared into onyx ones for a long time. Then she turned around, and walked away.