Chapter 34
"My name is Doctor Marcel," he introduced himself, "and let me start off by saying that Jay is out of surgery and in stable condition."
Those were the words I'd been longing to hear, and I buried my face in my hands as the weight that had been crushing me for the last few hours crumbled off my shoulders.
"The bullet that went through his thigh didn't hit the femur or any major blood vessels. He was very lucky on that front. The second bullet fractured a rib and lodged itself in the liver, making it difficult to retrieve it. The substantial amount of blood loss sent him into hypovolemic shock," Doctor Marcel explained, "but with the right care and enough time, we expect him to make a full recovery."
Sighs of relief were heard throughout the room. Kim grabbed my shoulder and shook me gently but excitedly.
"Thank you, Doc," Voight shook Marcel's hand. "Can we see him?"
"He hasn't woken up yet, but go ahead," Marcel smiled. "Let me know if you have any questions."
Voight thanked him again and turned around. "Come on, Hailey," he said in a mild tone.
I got up, and he placed his hand on my back as Doctor Marcel led us to Jay's room. My legs were weak and shaky, but at the same time, I felt light as a feather.
Will sat on a stool next to Jay's bed, holding his hand and looked up when Voight and I walked in.
"Hailey," he acknowledged my presence and motioned for me to come to him.
Voight stayed at the lower end of Jay's bed, and I moved to stand next to Will and laid my hand on his shoulder. He rested his free hand on top of mine.
Jay was hooked up to multiple machines and a blood transfusion. His face looked pale and sunken in, and his lips had a blue tint to them. If it hadn't been for the steady rise and fall of his chest, the regular beep of the machine, and the small beads of sweat that clung to his forehead, one could have assumed that he was dead. But the expression on his face was peaceful which gave me hope that he wasn't in any pain.
Will got up from the stool, so I could sit on it and take over holding Jay's hand. It felt cold and clammy to the touch, and the skin under his fingernails was a similar shade of blue to his lips.
"He's breathing on his own which is a good sign," Will murmured next to me. "They said that if he'd arrived at the hospital just ten minutes later, they wouldn't have been able to save him."
My eyes snapped up to meet Will's.
"You saved his life, Hailey," he told me seriously.
His words had been meant as praise, to let me know that I'd done well, but all I got from them was the knowledge that I'd been a mere ten minutes away from losing Jay. If I had stayed on my couch for just ten more minutes and had watched the 9 pm news, if I had abided by the speed limit instead of speeding to the station, if Kim hadn't been there anymore to help me right away, if I hadn't gone around the side of the house and found him under the tarp as quickly as I did, I would be holding Jay's hand in the morgue downstairs instead here in a hospital room.
Panic erupted in my chest, and I held on to Jay's hand tighter, lowering my head to press the back of his hand against my cheek. I had to fight hard for a few moments to subdue the anxiety bubbling inside me and force my breathing to remain even.
"How long will it be until he wakes up?" I whispered in a hoarse voice.
Only once I'd seen his eyes open and look at me, would I dare to let myself believe that things would be okay again.
"General anaesthesia should wear off soon, but he's currently on a mild sedative to help him rest. It could be a few hours before he wakes up," Will answered.
"I'll fill in the unit and come back in the morning," Voight told us quietly.
I looked up and shot a small smile his way.
"Hold up, Sergeant." Will followed him outside.
I watched them talk in the hallway for a moment then looked back at Jay. Pulling the stool closer to the bed, I reached up and let my fingers slide over the side of his face. It was difficult for me to see him in the state he was in. He looked smaller, fragile.
Will entered the room again and picked up the armchair sitting in the corner of the room. "Here, this should be more comfortable. I'm guessing you're staying here tonight?"
I nodded and got up so he could replace the stool with the armchair. "I'm not leaving him," I confirmed.
Will moved the stool to the other side of the bed, and both of us sat down again.
He studied his brother's face for a few minutes before speaking again, "Voight doesn't know what exactly happened to him yet, or why he was at the house to begin with. We'll have to wait until he wakes up. An officer will be posted outside of the room in the meantime."
I looked behind me and saw Voight talk to an officer in uniform in front of the glass doors. Kim, Kevin, and Zoe stood next to them, looking into the room. I gave them a small wave.
When Voight finished instructing the officer, he glanced at Jay one more time before he and everyone else turned to leave for the night. Zoe smiled at me comfortingly before disappearing out of view.
Will and I quietly sat with Jay for a long while until Will's pager buzzed.
"That's one of my patients," he breathed. "I'll have to attend to her and resume my shift, but I'll come in to check on you two regularly."
After he'd gone, I was left alone in the room with Jay. It was almost 2 am, and as I sat in the dimly lit room, hearing the soft beeping of the machine, I felt my eyes become heavy. The day's events had sucked all of the energy out of my body and mind, and the exhaustion was catching up with me.
I tried my best to stay awake, but eventually, my head sank down onto the bed, and I nodded off still cradling Jay's hand in mine.
I woke up when I felt something gently stroke my hair. Tiredly, I blinked my eyes open and found green eyes staring back at me.
I shot up into a sitting position. "Jay, you're awake," I exclaimed softly and stood up to lean over him.
I cupped his face between my hands and placed a kiss on each cheek and his forehead before hovering a few inches in front of his face. Vitality, focus and their usual glint had returned to his eyes.
"Hey," he whispered and smiled weakly as I closed the distance between us and tenderly pressed my lips onto his.
When I pulled back, I sat down on the bed, affirming one more time that both of his injuries were on the other side of his body and caressed his cheek with my thumb.
"How long have you been awake?" I wondered, studying his face affectionately.
"I don't know. A little while," he said with a faint half-smile.
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"I enjoyed the moment and wanted to let you sleep."
I held his hand again and noticed that it felt warmer than before. "How do you feel?"
"Like I jumped from an aeroplane without a parachute," he joked and chuckled but sucked in a sharp breath at the movement, and his face scrunched up in pain.
"Aw," I smiled and ran my hand up and down his arm, feeling bad for him. "Take it easy."
Jay sobered up again, and his eyes locked in on mine. "I think I'm having trouble remembering what happened," he murmured and rested his hand on my leg. "Were you there? Were you really the one who found me, or did I imagine that?"
Flashbacks of discovering him under the tarp came to my mind, and my eyes welled up. "Yeah, I was there," I whispered, not trusting the strength of my voice enough to speak louder.
Sadness entered his eyes when he saw my reaction. "How did you find me?"
"When you didn't show up at my place and your phone was off, I drove to the station, and Kim tracked your truck's GPS," I explained and wiped away my tears with my thumb and pointer finger. "You scared me so much!"
"I'm so sorry, Hailey. I'm so sorry that I put you through that." A tear rolled down his cheek, and I brushed it away.
"No, don't cry. You've lost more than enough fluids already," I said and forced a smile onto my face, trying to lighten the mood.
He caught my hand with his, keeping his expression grave. "You know, when I came to and saw your face and heard your voice, I was sure that I was hallucinating or unconscious and dreaming. Because the entire time I lay under that tarp unable to move and convinced that I wasn't going to make it, I was thinking about you. I hung on and knew that I had to fight because I had to see you again." He paused and looked down at our intertwined fingers before looking up to meet my eyes again. "If I had died tonight, my biggest regret in life would have been that I'd left you without telling you how much I love you."
Within just a few hours, my poor heart had to withstand a roller-coaster of emotions from the lowest lows it had ever experienced to the highest highs. It had braved the intense anguish and fear I had felt while Jay's life was on the line, and now, it fluttered and raced with elation.
A short burst of a laugh escaped my lungs, and my eyes glistened with tears. This time they were happy tears.
"Never in my life have I been as scared as I was today," I began and watched his face carefully, "and I think I knew it for a while, but today's events really brought the realisation home to me that never in my life have I loved someone as much as I love you."
The tired and weak but joyous grin that spread on Jay's face warmed my heart.
"Come here," he whispered and pulled my hand towards him.
Slowly and careful not to rock the bed too much, I leaned down and squeezed myself into the gap between Jay and the rails of the bed. I kicked my shoes off and pulled my legs onto the bed too.
My head lay on the pillow next to his, and we stared at each other for a moment before sharing a long, tentatively affectionate kiss. His lips felt cold but soft against mine, and the touch was so wonderfully familiar.
The bliss pulsing through my body after hearing Jay say those three words, the knowledge that we felt the same way about each other, and the feeling of his lips on mine after fearing that I'd never get to experience it again, magnified the kiss to an intensity and meaningfulness that I'd never felt before.
When we broke the kiss, I reached up and brushed my fingers over his face.
"Why do we keep scaring each other like this?" I wondered as I traced out patterns among his freckles, and he watched my face intently.
I loved his face and every feature of it, the freckles, the soft lines around his eyes from when he smiled and the creases on his forehead from worrying too much. But most of all, I loved his green eyes that were the gatekeepers to his being, the person he was, the person I loved.
Eventually, his gaze became unfocused, his eyelids became heavy, and I watched him drift off back to sleep. I continued caressing his face for a few more minutes, then dropped my hand down onto his chest and let my eyes fall shut too, feeling endlessly relieved and happy that I got to experience this moment with him.