Chapter 29
Yue-lung's words make Soo-ling feel terribly cold. It's as if the last seven years and all following ones has been crossed out with a thick line. As if there were never any need for him to be here. As if all his effort and self-denial haven't mattered. He feels rejected like he had never before, not by Yue-lung anyway.
Bitterly, he realizes such things happen when one builds his life basing it on a single person. But is it anything wrong? After all, he let Yue-lung build his life basing on him - and he wanted it himself - and so he did the same thing, without even thinking of it, only enjoying that specific symbiosis between them. Why would Yue-lung want to end it now?
"You're bored of me? Sick of me? You don't need me anymore?"
"Sing, it's not that..."
"Then what?"
Yue-lung says nothing, and Soo-ling wonders if he's the most wretched man in the world, suspecting that what he's just asked about. Yet, he can't be angry, he's only sad. "You devoured my soul... How do you expect me to live with just a half of it?" he mutters.
"But I'm not going to release you," Yue-lung says and hugs him tight, as if trying to prove his words. "You are mine, and I am yours, no matter where we are. You know I wouldn't be here without you. I just... I just think I can finally walk on my own feet, without relying on you anymore. I can finally conquer the world."
"Then, the world is more important to you than I?" Soo-ling asks in a sulking voice.
"It will never be. But I want to prove my worth outside the bed, too."
It's an answer impossible to negotiate, and Soo-ling doesn't intend to. He knows that men are driven by their ambitions... and he momentarily regrets Yue-lung not being a woman, after all. Maybe, if he were, Soo-ling would be able to change something, saying, 'Stay with me.'
"I plan to make a dent in the wealth of the organization," he says after a moment of intense thinking. "Plane tickets to Hong Kong are going to coast you dearly."
"Don't be foolish, I'm buying you a private jet," Yue-lung replies at once.
Soo-ling feels the corner of his lips twitch. "Well, I can do a lot of work during the flight. That time won't go to waste."
"I'd rather you sleep," Yue-lung announces in a complaining manner, but hidden laugh can be heard in his voice as well. "Because after your arrival I certainly won't let you sleep."
Some months later, Yue-lung's transfer to Hong Kong becomes a fact. By then, Soo-ling deliberately reduces the pace of his studies - even at the price of delaying his graduation - to spend as much time as possible with him. He attends all board meetings as well as the conferences where the details of both Yue-lung's move and his life in Hong Kong are being arranged. He puts the greatest emphasis on the safety matters; in New York, he's been the unofficial yet actual head of security for Yue-lung. Of course, Yue-lung is taking some of his men with him, but many are recruited in Hong Kong among the families and organizations that pledged loyalty to the Lee clan. As per Soo-ling's request, the candidates for people responsible for the protection of the head of the syndicate come to US; Soo-ling wants to meet them and make sure he can trust them. When it's the welfare of his most important person in question, no negligence is allowed. Some are disqualified and delegated to different jobs; most of them, however, meet his requirements, and he's particularly pleased with the head of security in Hong Kong.
The thought of not being able to protect Yue-lung anymore fills him with terror that he tries not to show. It seems he's already got used to the thought of not living with him anymore, but the thought of something happening to him - halfway across the world, where Soo-ling can't get quickly to save him - makes him suffocate. Yue-lung's life is the highest value; he would give everything to guarantee it.
Yet, at nights, as he's lying in his arms, he wonders if he's going to survive himself. "If I remained a stupid kid from the street who has no other value, you would just take me along as your toy boy, without even asking," he mutters one day.
"Do you have no shame?" Soo-ling can pretty much imagine Yue-lung rolling his eyes.
"I don't," he replies truthfully. "Not when I'm with you anyway."
"Sing Soo-ling, you must learn to live without me by your side. I'm not your wife."
"Then, no chance that my dream of our wedding under the palm trees is ever fulfilled, after all...?"
"Why the palm trees?" Yue-lung asks with curiosity.
"The tropics just fit. You would look nice in a grass skirt and orchids in your hair."
"I bet a typhoon would come and ruin the wedding... But if it's under the palms, then Blanca must be there."
"Him? What part is there for him?"
"Maybe the bride's father...?"
Soo-ling smiles but can't shake off he feeling of loss. Maybe it's only now, when Yue-lung finally got used to the jokes about their marriage, he realizes they really have been just jokes. He has only one thing left: that promise, 'You're going to be my last'.
Life when being separated by half of the globe and twelve hours of time difference is worse Soo-ling could ever suspect. Not only he doesn't have Yue-lung by his side, but it's pretty difficult to even find a proper time to talk on the phone. Seven o'clock must do; in Hong Kong it's already evening and Yue-lung has most of his work done by then, while in New York the day is just beginning and Soo-ling hasn't left for the university yet... and the opposite. That way they can at least wish each other good day and good night. And have a perfectly normal phone sex, that provides only makeshift satisfaction and makes the longing even stronger.
After one week, Soo-ling is of the opinion he won't stand it anymore. He will quit college, quit syndicate, quit America and fly to Hong Kong to beg Yue-lung to make him his sex toy. Only the words, 'Don't you have any shame?' stop him from doing so.
After two weeks, he starts to get used to the new routine in life. He concentrates on studying to make up for the lost time. He's planning to apply for MBA in Harvard. He does his best in his work for the organization and his own company. It's the only way to make sure he doesn't spend every second thinking of how much he wishes to be with Yue-lung now.
After three weeks, he comes to the conclusion that maybe he should look for a girl indeed, like he's been suggested. The things is that, whenever he has some free time, he can see in his mind a figure that is undoubtedly male, regardless of being slightly-built and delicate, having fabulously beautiful face, splendid hair and graceful manners. He's under the impression he's going to fall to pieces because of the urge to take Yue-lung in his arms and caress every part of his perfect body.
After a month, he boards a plane - Yue-lung really bought him a jet - and flies to the other side of the world. Almost twenty hours of flight, despite phone calls, go on forever, especially that he can't focus on work or even sleep. He's thinking only of seeing Yue-lung again after what seems the eternity - and he's scared that everything between them has already changed beyond repair. Like in a trance, he imagines the moment he will be able to touch him, feel his smell, see his smile - and he fears to meet somebody entirely new and different in Hong Kong. In the last seven years, the two of them wouldn't part for longer than a week.
Maybe Yue-lung was right, speaking that Soo-ling should learn to live without him. When he's back in New York, he may give it a thought. Given that he's forced to go back.
When the plane finally lands and a limousine takes him to the headquarters of the Lee Syndicate, Soo-ling is nervous like never before. He's trembling all over: of anticipation, fear, desire, uncertainty. He's like a drug addict going through withdrawal, who can think only of relieving his symptoms. He pays no attention to his guides, the men who receive him at the airport and escort to the door at the top floor of the skyscraper. Afterwards, he won't be able to recall their faces or voices, or his own answers. His perception is narrowed to a single object.
When he enters the office and sees Yue-lung standing in front of the desk, his agitation doesn't lessen a bit. He spares one second to look at him. Yue-lung is wearing gray trousers and white shirt, his hair is simply tied at the nape of his neck, and his face is like alabaster. He seems just like always.
"Welcome to Hong Kong," he says with a light smile. "You must be tired. I prepared a-"
Soo-ling crosses the room in just a few steps and is already by his side, and grabs his face to turn it toward him and kiss like he's trying to devour him, pushing him against the desk. Without tearing their mouths apart, he moves his hands on Yue-lung's neck, his shoulders, his back, his hips, his buttocks, as if he wants to make sure the two of them are really here and together again. Yue-lung embraces him, touches his back, but Soo-ling can't have it or he'll die; it's as if the situation from their first time got reversed. Panting and moaning in Yue-lung's mouth, he reaches to his collar and unbutton it, only to impatiently tug at the fabric and tear the shirt to shreds the next moment. He touches the warm, smooth skin, moving his hands up and down Yue-lung's back, from his shoulder blades through his ribs all the way to the sacrum, slipping his fingers under the edge of his trousers, then unbuttons it, determined to tear it down with the underwear. In the meantime, Yue-lung unbuckles his belt, but touch of his hands is too much and too little at the same time, and Soo-ling knows he wants him more and closer, here, now, this very moment...
He pulls away from the kiss, gasping for air. He withdraws his hands, touching Yue-lung's shoulders again, rests his forehead against his and tries to calm his breath. His heart is pounding in his chest. "Sorry..." he whispers with his eyes shut. "I almost raped you..."
"You didn't," Yue-lung whispers back, with ardor. "I want it. I want you inside me, Sing... so don't let me wait any longer. Please."
Soo-ling gives a stifled cry, as if that permission, that encouragement, that request blew up his last effort to stop his madness. He kisses him again, sinking in that wonderful mouth, then moves his lips onto his neck, his clavicles, his chest, relieving him of his lower garment and making him sit atop the desk. Yue-lung has already managed to remove his shoes and is now pulling Soo-ling's trousers and boxers down his hips; Soo-ling feels dizzy when the fabric rubs against his cock. He has to support himself on the edge of desk and close his eyes for a moment as he feels he's going to collapse; he must regain control over himself. A warm breath blows against his cheek, so he turns his head to search for that moist mouth, and they kiss again, and this time it's a bit more gentle, unlike that storm of lust from before.
Not for long anyway, as Yue-lung, maybe to rush him, puts his hands on Soo-ling's chest and touches his nipples, sending sparks down his spine. Soo-ling grabs him - he's delighted by the curve of Yue-lung's back and the fact he can wrap his hands around his lover's waist and his fingers would almost touch - and then moves his hands onto his hips and tights. Yue-lung spreads his legs in an inviting manner, and Soo-ling must pull himself away and gasp for air as he feels he's going to suffocate. Yue-lung grabs his hands and puts them on his hips again, but Soo-ling remembers, in his remaining reason, that before that... They don't have any lubricant, so saliva must do. Touching himself when he's hard like this is risky, but he accepts the risk because he doesn't want to inflict pain that can be avoided.
Yue-lung utters an exasperated whimper, but it is when Soo-ling grabs his hips and lifts him, and enters him, and finally feels he's where he should be. Yue-lung puts his arms around his head and entwines his legs around his waist, and Soo-ling buries his face at the angle of his lover's neck, trying to remember about breathing. He savors this sense of perfect unity and wonders how he's survived the last month. He turns them around, leaning his back on the desk, as he fears his legs will stop bearing him. He's unable to contain his desire and starts to move inside Yue-lung. He clenches his teeth to not make any noise, to stifle that moan-cry-song trying to get out of him until the ecstasy comes and everything disappears.
When he opens his eyes, he's lying atop the desk with Yue-lung lying atop of him. "I can't believe I did it," he groans with embarrassment, staring at the ceiling over him.
"You fainted," Yue-lung confirms and appears to be quite amused. "Was it worth it?"
Soo-ling can still feel the pleasure from a moment ago. "It was," he replies with confidence and looks at him again. "You alright?"
"Sure. You collapsed on the desk and I fell on you."
Soo-ling moves him to the side and sits up. A moment of lying flat brought the blood back to his head, so he no longer feels dizzy. He looks at Yue-lung, who is kneeling down by him on the desk, covered with his hair he must have loosened at some point or the fastener broke. His face is flushed, his eyes are glistening, and his breathing is quick. A glance at his lower parts reveals he has yet to reach climax.
"I'm hopeless," Soo-ling decides and strokes him on his cheek before getting up and removing his trousers. "Sit here," he says, pulling him onto the edge of the desk.
When Yue-lung lets his legs down, Soo-ling gives him a long and passionate kiss, taking the torn shirt off him. Then he moves his lips to his lover's neck, his chest, his stomach, marking the whole way with his tongue, until he reaches the part that he means to devote the most time and attention to. He kneels down in front of Yue-lung, grabs his hips and takes his cock into his mouth, recognizing the familiar taste. Yue-lung gasps for air, and Soo-ling can visualize his head tossed backwards, eyes closed and lips parted... and that image makes him aroused again, but now Yue-lung has an absolute priority.
He's not hurrying; he knows that his lover takes time to start burning and reaches ecstasy as slowly, so he always adjusts himself to his pace. Actually, the longer he's able to give pleasure to Yue-lung, the better; in all these years, he's pretty much mastered his 'tongue skills'. Finally, the twitching of muscles he can sense under his hands, fingers curling convulsively in his hair and quickening breath tells him Yue-lung is close to orgasm. He doesn't let him for a single moment - not from his hands nor his mouth - takes him whole and only regrets that he can't hear his voice. Yue-lung always comes in a perfect silence.
He gets up and embraces him. Yue-lung rests his head on his shoulder and tries to calm his breath. He seems so frail in his arms that Soo-ling's heart overflows with affection. "I missed you," he whispers in his hair. "You can't even imagine how much."
"If half as much as I, then I can imagine it pretty well," he hears the answer that fills him with happiness because there's only confidence and no hesitation to it. "My Soo-ling."