Hey, Diary!

I have no friends and my family is terrible (that's a joke, they're all much better than my terrible excuse for a father), so you get stuck with my musings because I have to tell someone. Well, I do have a friend, two friends, but I can't exactly talk to Katara about this or send Sokka a letter telling him his sister has . . . grown up. And is . . . attractive. Cute. Very pleasing to look at.

Agni, when did Katara grow up? I have made SO MANY jokes about betrothals. I made her a necklace she still wears. I told her about my awkward first kiss. I thought I was writing to a twelve-year-old! Someone Azula's age! My best friend who was like my sister! I can't believe it didn't occur to me that people age and that Katara was not going to stay twelve. Because she is about to be fifteen. And then she'll be sixteen. And of age. To do . . . things. Like court.

She's my best friend. You have to know this. I literally went to meet her and I went in thinking 'this is my best friend'. And then I saw her and every sane thought I had flew through the window. I did so many things I shouldn't have done. I hugged her, which is technically not very appropriate. But she fit against my body so nicely — her head fits right under my chin and she has grown in other places that I am not going to discuss because Azula is my sister and she would disembowel me if I said anything disrespectful to a female. She won't ever read this, but still. No chances.

Katara is my best friend. I tell her everything that happens. I told her about pretending to be Lee and earthbending and what the Avatar told me. I gave her a betrothal necklace that she wears even though we are not betrothed like she does not even realize what that means and it makes me feel good whenever I look at her because it's like a mark of me even though women are not property and I shouldn't care.

We had that conversation about love and I started thinking that — well, uh, I do love her, in a best-friend-trust kind of way. Of course I'm not in-love with her, like romantic love, because I hadn't thought about it till today, but then I thought about what love means, what marriage means. Once Mother told me that the best type of love is between best friends who become lovers and that is stuck in my head even though we are both children.

Yes, I like Katara. You know why I like Katara? Because she is just utterly perfect. I have so much proof.

The look in her eyes when she left her ship and came and hugged me and then looked around, it was so perfect, like it was a whole new world that she wanted to see, and she was so excited that she grabbed my arm and greeted everyone in a rush before just leaving and avoiding the palanquins. You know how much charm it takes to just evade those palanquins? I could see it in Azula's face the minute she dragged me away. I was going to be teased later. But it was so worth it because of that look on her face. She thought everything was so wondrous. Just . . . that look. It's the kind of look that I would want to spend forever staring at because it just . . . dropped itself into my ribcage and now it's stuck against my chest. It's like everything I've ever wanted.

And then when the market dimmed and I led her back into the palace I put my hand on her back in a perfectly cursory way and she just leaned into me. And then we had dinner and I could tell that she was excited to eat actual Fire Nation cuisine cooked here, instead of the stuff she ate on my ship, so I showed her all the dishes and told her to stay away from the ones that are too spicy because she can't tolerate fireflakes at all.

Outwardly, dinner wasn't great. Sitting with Katara meant that my entire family — notably Lu Ten, who has no sense of decorum whatsoever — wanted to tease me, and he would have seriously gone for it if not for Chief Hakoda. That man is terrifying, although I can admit to understanding his protective attitude over Katara, even if it does go a little too far. That said he kept his eyes drilled on me and they looked like they were on fire if I so much as touched her chopsticks. So no, I don't think he's my biggest fan, but it's fine.

You know why it was fine? Because Katara was smiling and laughing the entire time. I know it wasn't because of me, it was just all the new people and the new food and just the new — I know she wishes her life had more adventure — but it felt so good to hear her laugh. It sounds so pure and just perfect. Which is why it's a sign of being perfect. It was just so genuinely happy. She looks so beautiful when she's happy.

Azula's going to claim I'm objectifying her but it would be a crime to not explain just how pretty she is. She has her big eyes and her nice . . . everything, and that's a given, she pulls off the 'exotic beauty' thing, here especially, but it's just . . . I've been saying it but I just can't explain how her face lights up when she's happy. It did at the South Pole too, but so much less. She seemed stagnant there, and it was also three years ago and I wasn't thinking about her like this — Agni, I told her about my first date, I'm so stupid — but she looks radiant here. That's perfection.

I walked her back to her rooms and I could hear the servants in the guest wing having a conniption about it but I couldn't care less. Lu Ten is going to be Fire Lord and he can deal with the stupid court and the rumors. I just wanted to show her her room and her window, even if I could only do it from outside because I wasn't allowed to step in. She looked happy, again, to be able to see the moon.

When I got back to my room literally everyone was there. Uncle, Mother, Azula, and Lu Ten. They were just waiting in my room — well, the sitting room adjacent to it, but still. Katara talked to Mother before dinner and Mother just winked at me even though she looked a bit sad. Uncle sat and poured us all tea — of course he'd make time while running a nation to tease me — and Lu Ten and Azula joined together to laugh. It was at my expense, they kept trying to act like turtleducks because apparently I act like one around Katara. I'm just glad Azula is up to her sort of mean teasing again. She eventually calmed down and told me that she thinks she'll like Katara too, and Lu Ten nodded.

The issue with that is that Katara probably doesn't like me at all. I'm just her older friend, she probably sees me as a brother, like Sokka, and that hurts. I remember what I learned about the Water Tribe — in order to impress girls the warriors hunt for them and do stuff like that. I can't hunt! How am I supposed to impress her? She'll probably want one of those boys from the village instead, like the one she kissed — ugh. I just mentioned that to the four of them and they all stared at me for whatever reason, and then I stomped off to bed. Why does my family love to bully me?

The next day I didn't get to see her very much at the beginning because I had to train into the afternoon. I was sweaty and gross when I finished, but I like my routine so I had to do it. And then I took a bath and tried to artfully move my hair so it looked nice — I will kill anyone who reads this — and then I took her to the private courtyard and we just sat down to talk about everything, from the Painted Lady to my Ba Sing Se adventures to the struggles we've been dealing with — everything. Agni, she is so perfect. Our conversation flows so well, it's incredible.

You know, she wants to see the world and her dad won't let her. You know who could let her see the world? Me. I could do that better than a Water Tribe warrior could even if I can't really fish. I can. If only she could see that.

We talked until midnight. Midnight. We skipped dinner and everything and we just talked and it was amazing. I don't know how else to express it. The one person in the world who I feel like I can trust with her big blue eyes and that smile . . . it's everything.

So yeah, I like Katara. Now I need to convince her to like me. I can't officially court, of course, but I'm going to spend every moment I can with her. She's perfect.

— Zuko

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AN: This is my favorite chapter so far. And we'll be sticking with letters/some dialogue, thanks for your input!