CHAPTER 49

Over the next couple of weeks, Finn was starting to notice things to do with Bella. Worrying things. He obviously knew Bella's displeasure about Finn joining the Army - she made it clear to him every day - but he never knew how bad it really was.

When he asked Santana about it, she answered him like he was stupid.

"She's trying to be brave, Finn. You can't really be that stupid." Santana shook her head.

"What do you mean? I don't know what you're talking about Santana?" He said, confused.

"Finn… She's been crying to me for the past hour on the phone. She's trying to be brave for you. She doesn't want to disappoint you, she wants to support you. She's trying to show you that you can get through anything together. She's trying not to screw this up…" Santana sighed, defeated, "and it's breaking her. Whether you see it or not."

Finn looked up again to watch Santana walk away and say over his shoulder, "You're not just making this decision for you."

He first saw it in glee. Mr. Schue asked her to sing lead on the week's assignment and she smiled brightly but politely declined. She mentioned a tickle in her throat, and asked if Rachel could sing it for her. Mr. Schue smiled at her and Rachel sauntered her way down the aisle to the front of the classroom. Finn was watching Bella, confused. She had never passed up the opportunity to sing before.

Another sign happened after her head fell to write something in her notebook: she frowned. It wasn't a big frown, and people would probably call him crazy for thinking it was anything at all. It almost looked like she was in pain, like something was tearing at her, breaking her. That's when he realized: it was him.

He waited until glee was over and she opened her palm to him, an invitation. He took it, and she smiled as she stood and began walking out of the room. They made it to her locker, and he watched as she chattered on, mostly to herself, about the events of her day. He kept thinking about her lips, her beautiful, soft lips in a frown.

"Did I do something to make you not trust me?" It came out louder than he expected it to, and she jumped a little at the abruptness of his interruption. She looked up at him, scanning his eyes, trying to understand what he meant. She finally responded,

"No, you didn't. Well, nothing that I know of. Why?" She looked concerned, worried about what he had to say.

"I just can't figure out why you'd cry to Santana on the phone for hours, but not even give me an idea that you're sad or upset or mad even." The words felt bitter and forbidden as they rolled off his tongue, like he wasn't supposed to tell her he knew. He didn't care, though; in fact he held eye contact with her the entire time, he wasn't ashamed, he deserved to know.

It was her that looked away, her gaze moving to trace circles on the floor, "She shouldn't have told you that."

"You're right Bella. She shouldn't have… You should have. I shouldn't have to hear from my friend that my girlfriend is an emotional wreck. You should have told me, I deserved to know how you really felt." He felt his anger seep into his words, and made a mental note to keep it in check. The last thing he needed was to make her feel worse. She looked back up at him warmly,

"Oh, Finn." Her small hand reached up and rested on his arm reassuringly. "It's not that I don't trust you. I just can't talk to you about it. You need all the help and support you can get for you to be able to get through your deployment safely. You don't need your girlfriend complaining and insulting your decisions."

Her words washed over him and his first thought was, stupid. "That's stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"That's stupid, Bella. I want your opinion, however negative it may be. You're a huge part of my life, and hopefully will be for a long time." He smiled down at her, sometimes she really did surprise him though, he'd give her that. He felt pretty smooth until he watched her face turn dark, not in a mad way, in a really sad way.

"Finn, you need to do what is right for you, which is why we aren't going to talk about me anymore. I love you, and I want all of your dreams to come true. I can't stand in the way." She kissed his cheek and turned to walk to the parking lot. He watched her go, more confused than ever.

He noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes three weeks later.

They were sitting on the couch in his living room watching a movie. He wasn't really paying attention, he was watching her. She was tucked under his arm, her hair like soft waves, cascading down her head.

He lifted a thumb to softly graze the sensitive skin, her tell of a lack of sleep. She flinched, turning to look at him. She recognized the concern in his eyes, and lurched herself forward to kiss him. Pulling herself into his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck. She felt his concern melt away as his arms circled her waist.

He buried his worry, but didn't forget it.

One day, Finn was walking into school, and when he was at the choir room entrance, he heard voices coming from inside. It was Bella and Santana.

"What if something happens to him?" Bella whispered, letting her body erupt in sobs. It took everything in his body to stop him from going to her and pulling her to him.

"Oh Bella. I don't know… I just don't know. I suppose the best thing you can do is take care of yourself. You need to stop worrying. It's going to be six years. You might as well get used to it."

"He doesn't even know that this is what he wants. When I first asked him he said he thinks this is what he wants. He has no idea what he's doing." Bella cried and he heard Santana soothing her.

Finn crept back down the corridor, unseen. He was heart-broken by what he had just heard. Bella was hurting. Hurting bad.

A couple of days later, him and Bella were going to the movies. She had some chick flick she wanted to see and he'd do anything to make her happy at this point. She hadn't laughed around him in about a week and he figured there'd have to be something funny in this movie she wanted to see.

Bella's mom was in the kitchen and Finn was waiting in the living room for her, watching tv with her dad.

Bella's dad broke the silence they'd been in for fifteen minutes.

"She's been having nightmares you know."

Finn's head shot up, his eyes meeting her dad's hard ones.

"She doesn't want us to tell you, that's why she's resisted having you over lately. But I think you deserve to know." He said. Finn nodded, confused. Her dad continued. "She never sleeps for more than two hours at a time, and she always wakes up screaming. I'm sure you've noticed how tired she is… It's to the point where we keep a glass of water by her bed every night." Finn sighed, not knowing what to say. Luckily he heard Bella coming down the stairs, but it didn't stop her dad from whispering, "We're worried about her."

During the movie, Finn had no idea what was going on. He was staring at Bella instead of the movie. In fact he didn't even know the name of the movie they "watching."

Bella was wearing jeans - she never wore jeans but her ass looked so good in them. Not that he could tell while she was sitting next to him, but hey, a guy can imagine. Her shaking tore him from his day dreaming. Her whole body was convulsing.

"Bella? What's wrong?" he whispered. His head turned from her to the screen where he saw a soldier's memorial service going on. "Damn it, Bella." He grabbed her hand and pulled her from her seat. When they made it through the theater door she lost it and he pulled her to his chest. One hand found the back of her head, caressing her hair. The other found its way to the small of her back. "Shh Bella, it's okay." He soothed her, avoiding the disapproving glances from others in the Lima Movie Theater.

He weaved their way through the crowds, outside, through the parking lot, and finally to his truck. He put her in through the passenger side, and pulled her to him as he sat on his side. She quickly buried her face into his shoulder, her crying had stopped but he could still feel her body convulse gently.

She sighed into him, her hand rising to his shoulder to caress it gently. He felt her lips on his neck and he cringed. "Bella, I'm done with this." He pulled her hand from his shoulder, she flinched backwards and looked him in the eyes. "I'm done with you hiding your feelings. Especially like this, the kissing, the distractions; they stop now." He looked at her and she looked down, raising her hands to wipe her tear stained cheeks.

He reached with his forefinger to hook under her chin and tilt her head up. He kissed her softly, sweetly, and placed his forehead against hers, cupping her face with his hand. Softly he told her, "Why won't you tell me what's going on? I'd trust you with my life, babe, and it kinda hurts that you don't have the same faith in me." He murmured. She smiled, and not a fake smile, a real smile.

"You're right, Finn." She replied. His thumb grazed her cheekbone tenderly as he stared at her.

"So we can talk about it?" He asked. She nodded. She tucked herself into his arms, her breath warmed his skin through the fabric of his shirt. She took a deep, shaky breath and began to pour her heart out.

"I don't want you to go, Finn. I don't want you to join the army. I want you to stay with me. I want it all, I want the perfect life. I know it's selfish. But I know you'll resent me if you don't go."

Finn kissed Bella gently.

"Babe, the only way we're going to get through the next few years is if we work together. If we talk to each other. You shouldn't have to hide your emotions from me: it'll only bottle them up and eventually will start to really hurt you and it won't end well. Please, if there's something going on, no matter how big or small it is, talk to me."

Bella nodded and beamed a watery smile.

"I love you so much." She said. Finn kissed her.

"I love you too."

A/N

I am planning to, after I finish this story, write a sequel, which is a five years later story. It will contain the same characters but with huge plot twists. My question to you guys is should I just tack the story onto the end of this one, or should I use a new story and call it Part 2? P.M or review your recommendations.