May 4th 2020

Chapter 125
Their Rally Around Choice

"Man, you blink for a second and this place turns into Christmas Town," Maya remarked, looking to Sam as they pulled into the grocery store's lot on Thursday afternoon. "I'm not complaining, but there is such a thing as excess, huh?"

"It's not even December yet," Sam shrugged.

"It'll be everywhere," Maya whispered dramatically, leaning in at her brother's ear. He gave her a look. "What, nothing? Sammy, come on…" she turned a pleading smile to her brother. "You know, it doesn't take much for me to figure out what's wrong with you most times. Your face has a way of doing a thing where it's a lot like mine, and that just means I can read you like a book… that I wrote."

"What does the book say this time?" he asked, almost a challenge to these supposed skills.

"Christmas is coming," she started, which got her a look from him to point out she could have figured that one out on her own. "It's coming," Maya restated with intent like 'let me finish,' "And that means you're going to have to make up your mind, about what you'll do, and where you'll go," she finished, in a more than sympathetic tone. Sam's expression shifted enough to tell her she'd been right on the money.

The year before, Sam's first year in Austin, his family had flown out from Tucson and spent the holidays here, which had simplified things a great deal, where Maya's younger brother was concerned. All his people ended up in the same place. But this year would be different. This year, his mother and stepfather and all his siblings were bound for Louisiana, to spend Christmas with James' side of the family.

He was more than welcome to join them, of course. All he had to do was say the word and a plane ticket would be purchased and sent to him. That was all good and fine except now he sort of had more and more reasons to stay in Texas, which put him in the awkward position of having to choose between one side and the other. And that was the impossible part. It would be his first Christmas with Cecilia as his girlfriend, as she had not earned that title until the start of this year. The solution might then have been for her to go to Louisiana with him, but then this year would be following along the line of her and her father rekindling traditions they had sort of fallen behind on since the death of her mother, so there would have been no point in even asking.

"I hate this…" Sam sighed, walking alongside his sister, who gave him a side hug.

"I know how bad it can feel, to have to choose between the people you love, but you do know that they are aware of your being only one person, who can only be in one place at a time? They love you, too, and wherever you need to be, you know they will understand that, too."

"Mom would say that the harder it is to choose, it means that I know what I want to do but I can't admit it because I don't want to disappoint the one I'm not picking."

"I can see that," Maya agreed. "So… you want to stay, don't you? You want to spend the holidays with us, and with Cecilia…" There would have been no point in Sam attempting to deny this, or play it off in any way. The answer was right there on his face, betraying him.

It would have been easy for this whole thing to be portrayed as a selfish choice, for him to say that he struggled with this choice for his own interests alone, whether he'd get to see his family or not. But this was Sam, so naturally there was more to it than that. He was thinking about them, too, maybe more than himself. He was thinking about his mother, his sisters, and his brother in particular, in a way his new stepfather, brother, and sister, would never fault him either, as they would be well placed to understand it, too. It had been a position he'd struggled with the entire time, the same one which had left him uncertain over whether to even come to Texas for school. Kermit, and the loss of him…

Adding on to this the memory of that Christmas, three years prior, when they had gone into those days with the knowledge that it would be their father's last one… It didn't seem possible that so much time could have gone by since that day, and yet here they were. They still remembered it, Maya absolutely remembered it, remembered walking up to the house and Cara bolting out the door and into her arms because she knew, and she was heartbroken… They had all worked to make that Christmas a great one, despite the rest, and then the year after that, the first one without… They'd worked even harder… The holidays had always been about togetherness, but for the last couple of years, it really had gotten to feel that much more important.

With that knowledge so engrained in him, how was he ever supposed to choose to be anywhere but with his mother, with his brother and sisters out wherever they would be? For that matter, how could Maya, too? That had to be going through his mind, too, right? There had never been any question where she would spend her holidays, she would spend them right here in Austin, with this side of her family. Had she just gotten to that point in her life where she was old enough not to feel in any way… guilty about it? Maybe she had… and she was glad for it… but Sam wasn't there yet.

"I think you can find a way out of this, a solution where you'll be okay. You just haven't found it. But you will, I know you will. I don't want to use the whole 'smartypants college kid' defense, but you can kind of see where I'm going, don't you? You're putting so much pressure on yourself to think of something, your mind is like… a cluttered desk. You keep telling me, 'Maya, you can't work like this, you need order…'"

"I don't sound like that," Sam protested just a bit over her impression of him.

"I don't sound like that," she repeated, in the same voice she'd used, spot on. He couldn't counter this if he tried. "Clear the desk, Sammy," she lightly poked at the side of his head.

"Fine, okay, okay, stop… stop!" he dodged away, making her chuckle.

Walking through the aisles of the grocery store, Maya questioned her brother as to what he and the girls were planning to do on their sleepover. The trio would be taking to the attic the following night, setting the sleeping bags around the telescope, as good as having themselves a camp out, minus the November chill in the air. It was hard not to think back to her own sleepovers, back when she was his age and younger.

Back then, she and Nadine and eventually Riley would be sleeping in her room, while the boys would be in the basement, and here they were, preparing for this sleepover where her teenage brother would be spending the night in the attic with two teenage girls, one of them his girlfriend, the other his complicated-feelings friend. It was the kind of set up any number of parents would look to with uncertainty, and Maya would be lying if she said neither she nor Lucas had considered whether this could lead to certain issues, but… At this point, it felt as though they needed to trust that they knew those three kids enough to give them their trust.

And yet…

Here they were, with the subject of Abigail and the others very much front and center in their minds lately, and it left Maya to remember that Sam living with Lucas and her wasn't just some extended brother-sister sleepover they were having. She was responsible for him, she was the adult in this scenario, his mother's appointed voice, a role she took very seriously. She knew this was something that had to be put on the table, just as it had been when she had been his age and she was seeing someone for some time already. If nothing else, the fact that she was still, underneath it all, his big sister… might make the discussion just a bit easier to handle.

Maybe she should have gotten Lucas to talk to him about it, but… No, no… This was on her.

"Hey, Sam?" she spoke up as they were getting back in the car sometime later.

"Yeah?" he asked, leafing through the magazine he'd picked up for himself. He still looked so much like a kid to her, like no matter how old he got, she would still look at him and see that ten-year-old boy she had first met in New York. He wasn't though, was he?

"We… we need to talk about some… things…" she let out a breath. Sam turned his head to look at her, frowning with some confusion.

"What things?" Just say it already, you won't get anywhere with him if you can't even talk like a grown person…

"You and Cecilia," she told him, and she could see the process in his mind as he went from 'what about us' to 'oh…' and then 'make me disappear right now.' "No matter how awkward you think it is for you, it's no picnic for me either, alright?" Maya stated, going on the side of open honesty. "But we need to talk about this sooner or later, so let's just… okay?" He didn't reply, couldn't even look at her head on, though he was listening, so that was as good of an agreement as she would get. "Have you two…"

"No," Sam shook his head. "No, not… not yet…"

"But you're thinking about it?" Maya asked gently.

"Hard for me not to, I mean it's… it's everywhere, and I'm just…" he gestured to himself, which she took to mean 'a teenage boy with hormones.' "I would never… never put any pressure on her, I swear," he insisted.

"I know," Maya smiled. So far, so good, she thought to herself, taking another breath. "But then what happens the day she decides she's ready?" she went on, trying to ignore how her brother was blushing. He was searching for his words, which meant he had to ask himself that question.

"We, I…" He was looking for a way to say 'I know I'm ready, so if she's ready then we're going to' while also saving face with his sister, which told Maya more or less what she needed to know. Another deep breath, and the solution seemed to be 'if you have to say it, I should say it.'

"Junior year, Lucas and I were in that accident we told you about, remember? My parents thought it was his fault, didn't want him hanging around me. One day, it was April, I snuck him into the house when no one was around. We were down in the basement, in my room, we were making out for a while and… there was a moment, a turn, where we both sort of knew we were thinking it. Lucas wanted to make sure that I was really there, and… I was. So we did… It was right for the both of us, not just because we were craving something, but because we were craving it with each other, wanted it to be him for me and me for him. If the day comes when you look at Cecilia, and she looks at you, and everything is right, then I'm not going to stand in your way. I just want to make sure you'll be responsible about it, and I think you will."

"Yeah… I promise," Sam slowly replied, looking at her now, not so awkward anymore.

"Good," Maya nodded. "One more thing…"

"Protection, I know," Sam cut in, one more flare of discomfort.

"Yes," Maya told him, not entirely removed from that flare herself. "You ask Lucas if you have to, alright?" The way he nodded, she had no doubt he was way ahead of her on that suggestion.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners