Chapter 49
God Save The Queen
The Monday morning conversation with Mercedes was about as much of a rollercoaster of high and low points as Alucard expected it to be.
Between the brief retelling of her family's allegiances and what that history was, and that her grandparents were now all but political hostages to the Elders to keep themselves safe from The Knights of Saint George and Iscariot because her grandfather had apparently put their love of her before his duties to The Knights, the seer was inching back towards another breakdown like the one she had had the night before.
Alucard preemptively informed her that, even if he wanted to try extricating her grandparents from the Elders before they left the country as a favor to her, so her grandparents didn't potentially get caught up in whatever internal politics was quietly threatening Liam's power, he couldn't because he was bound by her blood ward to stay near her and protect her. There was no remotely safe way to bring her that close to Liam's den of magic wielding vipers, and possibly into the other major factions' sights as they were undoubtedly keeping watch on the city, as well as to the potential notice of whatever fortune seekers Liam's bounty might have caused to come out of the woodwork, in a city she had spent the last few years living and mingling in and might be spotted by even benevolent people who knew her and would approach or alert the authorities via the hotline established. One way or other, things would go wrong before he could even attempt to locate where precisely her grandparents were being kept and infiltrate the place to retrieve them.
That was when the quiet crying began because the seer knew he was correct and that all she could do was pray that Liam realized there was an issue in his ranks and dealt with it before her grandparents could be harmed.
The conversation shifted back to the blood ward, partially out of necessity, and partially to give her something productive to think on and stop her crying. The enchantress reiterated that, at the moment, she had no idea how to undo it. It hadn't been designed to be undone, it was meant to be as foolproof as possible. And while most elements of the spell had been her creation, the final mix of ingredients in the tonic to be drank to bind the magic to those protected had been something Liam had put together from their notes on previous experimental mixes and their reactions. She had trusted his knowledge of such matters and the mix had worked perfectly. So while she had an academic interest in wanting to know the contents, she had also accepted Liam deferring on telling her the precise recipe because such a creation could be dangerous in the wrong hands and it was better for vampires if only one person knew the full details.
Which wasn't to say that she couldn't break the blood ward, she was about 90% certain she could, but it wasn't something that she'd be able to accomplish overnight. She was going to have to start trying to work out how to deconstruct the various elements of the spellcasting, and experiment with different brews that likewise held opposing properties to the general list of things that had been used in experiments, until something worked to dissolve the binding magic in her blood. Which, even under ideal circumstances, could take days, weeks, or even months. She wasn't sure, and couldn't narrow it down until she started making attempts and took note of how effective they seemed. With them trying to stay under the radar and having extremely limited resources at the moment, with her lacking access to many things that had not been stored in her chest of supplies or she had had access to at Liam's mansion, and with whatever their actual escape plans might be and causing further delays- they would realistically be looking at a few months for her to potentially get the magic reversed.
While that was a much better explanation than had been given before, the confirmation that he was stuck with this infuriating enchantment limiting him for a significant period of time did nothing positive for Alucard's mood. He knew complex magic workings were tricky and new magic workings took experiments to get right, and that he had sprung this magic trap on himself, so he kept his temper subdued. But he still wasn't the least pleased.
Mercedes asked just what their plans for extraction were, if they would allow for access to better resources in the near future to perhaps speed her attempts. Alucard attempted to lay out the plans for leaving the country and, despite his attempts to be diplomatic about introducing the details, he quickly ran into resistance on the matter, precisely where he expected to.
"Are you crazy?!" Mercedes demanded. "What?! I can't just pretend to be someone else! The first time someone asks me my name for some reason, either I'll blurt out my real name, or I'm going to be able to keep silent but then they'll wonder why. Nevermind trying to give any details of an alias if they're not the same as my real life, which would defeat the purpose of having an alias."
Alucard picked up a small package from the side table and dropped it into her lap. "Under normal circumstances, yes, that would be true. But you forget, Seer, who you're working with. I'm well aware of your limitations and planned around them."
Mercedes glanced down at the brown paper wrapped package, which was relatively light, and then back up at the vampire. "What's this?"
"Open it and find out, little mouse."
Mercedes looked back down at the package, remembering the last time they had such an exchange. It had ended up being protective gear. This clearly wasn't that, but apparently Alucard thought it was something that could likewise positively impact the situation. The priestess sighed and, using her good hand, tore at the seam on the package to rip it open. A stack of passports spilled out, as well as a thin, brown leather, pocket sized book, and a small linen envelope that, she saw when she turned it over, was sealed in wax that bore the Crest of the British Royal Family. "What in the world?!"
Alucard smirked at the profoundly confused look she gave him. "Those, draga mea, are your tickets to safety. A governmental entity has the authority to declare someone to have a new name and identity. I gave instructions to Sir Integra Hellsing, and she passed my request and reasons for it on to Her Majesty. Her Majesty has accepted the petition to classify you, your son, and your apprentice, as political refugees under imminent mortal threat, and has granted you three emergency asylum and citizenship to The United Kingdom. And as Her citizens, She has granted you new identities, according to specifications I gave Her so they'd be appropriate and believable, to preserve your lives from the dangers they're in. As I understand, Her best agents had to work all night to prepare those identities in time to be shipped off with your cousin for delivery to us. Those identities in the passports and outlined in that book are as real as your family given name and the life you've previously been living, and you're free to use whichever are needed, as they're needed, so we can retreat to safer grounds. The letter is a greeting from Her Majesty, so you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was arranged under Her authority."
The seer glanced back down to the pile of documents in her lap, then back at the Vampire King, then back at the documents, trying to process what she had just been told.
Alucard chuckled briefly and said, "If you have any doubts about if it will work, Seer, crack open a passport and try introducing yourself by the name listed."
Mercedes tentatively lifted one of the passports and flipped to the personal information page. She was surprised to see a digitally altered picture of herself in the corner; her eye color, as well as hair color and style, having been changed. She gave a wary look to the name on the page, and then to the vampire. At his gesture to proceed, she opened her mouth, and said hesitantly, "My name is Sally McNeill." Her eyes widened in shock, and she looked back down at the passport, then back to the vampire. "I... I just said that! That actually worked?!" She grabbed another passport, flipped it open, and said, "My name is Daniella Johnson." Another passport opened. "My name is Josephine Christensen." The seer looked back up at Alucard, confused inquiry written across her face.
"That, draga mea, is the power of a true monarch," Alucard explained with a hint of smugness. "When a King or Queen commands that something within their domain is so, it is so. And fortunately for you, even though I traded my mortal rulership for becoming the King of Vampires and no longer hold authority in human matters, I have done a great number of favors for Her Majesty over the years that only I was capable of doing. Her Majesty was more than obliging to grant me a favor that only She could do in return, as I so rarely ask a favor of any. And so you know in advance, Lady Mercedes, Her Majesty was most intrigued with the report Sir Integra gave Her of just what's been happening. Her Majesty made a little request that in return for Her aid, we pay Her a visit when it is safe to do so and regale Her with the firsthand account of our exploits from first meeting to whatever may happen before we make it to the palace. She sadly can't have many adventures of Her own these days, but She does so enjoy a bit of intrigue and living vicariously through those who can still undertake them. You were unconscious, so I hope you'll forgive me for taking the liberty of answering for the both of us. I told Sir Integra that such a request would be easily granted for Her Majesty's generous aid."
Mercedes gave a dazed nod to that, still staring at the Vampire King with supreme bafflement to this development. "Um... Yes, of course... That, that would be..." The young noble born, but American raised, woman shook her head as the information sank in. "The Queen wants an audience with me? THE QUEEN?! The Queen of England?! That queen?!"
Alucard laughed at that for several seconds, and as his laughter tapered off he gave a nod. "Da, the one and only. I didn't know you were a fan of Hers."
"Are you kidding?" Mercedes said incredulously. "She is an absolute badass monarch who has always led by example. She was one of my role models as a little girl and pointing to Her as an example is the biggest reason my family let me learn some of the more martial stuff the boys were. It's hard to say a Marquis' granddaughter shouldn't hunt or learn swordplay because it's unladylike when The Queen of England was in the military during the biggest war of the last century."
"I see..." Alucard said with smirk remaining. "Then, for what it's worth, so you don't get yourself too nervous before the meeting, I think you two will get along rather well once introductory formalities are dispensed. Precisely because even if you both put on you own types of outward shows of conformity to certain expectations, neither of you much care for them and are so feisty in your private lives."
Mercedes continued to stare at the vampire, and said with a fair bit of mystification, "Um... If you say so, Alucard. I wouldn't know, as I've never had the privilege of meeting Her before. But sure. You're on 'call in favors' terms with Her Majesty, so I guess you'd know. I might make friends with The Queen of England... Because that's just a thing that can happen now, I guess... My family has spent my entire life hiding some critical things from me, my ex-husband put a hit out on me and is now dead, a few different zealous factions, one of which includes my own family, wants me and my son dead, and my ex-fiance put out a several million dollar bounty to have us rescued from the people who rescued us from fanatics; but on the plus side, we're now in some form of British sanctioned Witness Protection that just straight up loopholed Cosmic rules for seers, I've now got a bunch of spy-like aliases, my double life leading big cousin is coming along for this emergency trip, and if Draculea himself successfully helps me escape all this crazy, I get the survival prize of meeting the Queen of England Herself because you two are chummy... Makes complete sense. Yep. That's just... Just... Wow... What in the name of the divine has happened to my life in the last few weeks that I can say all of that without some clause to indicate it's a joke?!"
The seer's exclamation caused Alucard to briefly laugh again. "At least you can't say our association has been dull and without some benefits."
"No, Alucard, I cannot." Mercedes hung her head with a sigh, and a stressed laugh escaped her for a few seconds. "Fou le camp... Alright, so what's the rest of the plan? Do you have demonic unicorns that you'll pull from the nether and will whisk all of us from here and to some backup plane that you just so happen to have stashed on an isolated mountain top nearby?"
A few subdued chuckles escaped the vampire at the sarcastic inquiry. "Demonic unicorns?"
Mercedes shrugged and pointed to the documents in her lap that had been requisitioned and produced in under twenty-four hours. "Well, with you, I'm starting to think just about anything is possible."
Alucard shook his head and said with a hint of amusement remaining in his voice, "Nothing so fantastic. We'll be traveling by less conspicuous mundane means." His tone became neutral as he continued explaining. "Our route needs to be indirect, with us changing identities between each leg of the trip, so as to avoid being detected, or to throw off pursuers if they managed to pick up our trail in one place. We will be discreetly commandeering a pair of vehicles and driving over the state border into Maine. From there, we will be taking a small tour boat up to Nova Scotia..."
"A boat?!" the young woman immediately interrupted, what little color she had regained from resting promptly draining from her face. "A boat?! Going up the ocean coast?!"
Alucard gave a single nod. "I know you are hydrophobic, but there's nothing either of us can do about the fact there's an ocean between us and where we need to be. You are going to have to swallow your fear enough to get through this trip."
Mercedes immediately began shaking her head. "Not if there's boats involved. The last few years I've managed to get through some relatively short direct plane rides across the ocean by getting myself drunk and staying huddled in the middle of the plane so I can't see the ocean below and with music to help distract me, but no boats. They're statistically more dangerous than planes, and there's open sides on deck that go straight into the ocean, and just no! Heart problems run in ma grandmère's family, and I think a boat would possibly give me my first heart attack! No, no, no, no, no!"
"Boats are also far less policed than planes are," Alucard said bluntly. "And anyone who knows you well enough will know your fear of deep water would make such a mode of travel near impossible. Liam knows that about you, and by extension the American governmental agents helping him and your grandparents search for you will know that. The Knights will know that about you because your family does, and by extension whatever local vampire hunter groups The Knights have as allies will be given that information, and Iscariot will know it by now because The Knights are also in bed with them. The only threats who don't know that will be the random bounty seekers, but those won't have nearly the extensive reconnaissance capability as the major players and that's down to pure luck of them being in the right place and picking us out in the masses. It's also not an ideal mode of transportation for vampires, and Iscariot knows I try to find some aerial option for myself and my servants whenever remotely possible, which again means The Knights will be fed that information, as well as their allies. And if Liam has done any research on me, he will know the same thing, especially as I'm certain he has the same aversion from also being a vampire.
"The major factions will be concentrating surveillance resources on more likely options and trusting that if I try 'kidnapping' you via boat because I supposedly know so little of you and didn't realize that was problematic, you'd put up a ruckus on board, draw attention, and they'll discover it via the ship's crew radioing in that they have a problem on deck with a passenger. Our enemies are going to be spreading out the majority of their resources to watch the land borders between this country and Canada or Mexico, and trying to keep watch on all outgoing flights from the three countries in case we slipped past the borders North or South through an off the road approach. Our best chance to make it out of this country and to England is by travelling by boat wherever possible."
Mercedes let out a distressed whimper. "Even if I can concede the logic, Alucard, I honestly don't think I can keep myself from making some sort of scene, especially if this entire trip is by boats of some kind. That's just..." She let out another whimper as she ducked her head, tears forming at the thought of being surrounded by so much water and remembering that horrible vision she had as a child. Pippi might have averted that vision by rescuing her from that lake and so it wasn't actively repeating without relent in her mind, but it still haunted her whenever she was near any body of water. Gods, she didn't want to end up dying like that after all because she had been foolish to tempt fate and get near water again, especially directly and for a prolonged period of time. That was just asking to die as she very narrowly avoided once already.
"Mercedes," Alucard said, drawing her attention. When tear-filled golden-brown eyes turned up to look at him, he continued stoically. "I am not going to allow anything to happen to you on this trip. From the time we board the ships, to the time we take our leave of them, I will be at your side. Where possible, we can stay below deck, or in entertainment suites above deck if you feel safe enough to go above board on the bigger ships. But wherever you are on the boat, I am going to be there. I promise you, there's not a single moment where you will be in any danger of falling overboard and drowning."
The empathic young woman could sense a very similar aura of emotion radiating off the vampire as he made that promise as to when he assured her of her safety that she wouldn't fall when they were floating above Iscariot's building. Everything in Alucard's demeanor and aura spoke of calm conviction that he'd protect her from the prospective threat terrifying her, that she'd be safe from it with him there. As before, she was somewhat confused by the rare shift in his behavior, but then some part of her mind realized that he had truly meant it when he said he found her life worth preserving. She wasn't sure just why he gave that much of a damn about whether she lived or died, but apparently he did. And despite her very real fear, some part of her again believed that she could trust the vampire when he voluntarily gave his word so explicitly.
Even coming to those tentative understandings, though, Mercedes couldn't help but ask out of lingering deep fear, "But... What if there's a storm? Or something breaks down and otherwise crashes the boat?"
"Do you still forget so easily who you're dealing with, little mouse?" Alucard asked with sardonic amusement forming. "I control the weather. If I want storms, there's storms; and if I don't want there to be a natural storm, I can just as easily make it dissipate before it can reach us. And if something breaks down on the ship, I can just as easily take control of its course and steer it with my telekinesis to where we need to arrive. When I'm on a boat, that boat goes exactly where it's supposed to because I don't like my travels being impeded. And if by some extremely low twist of fate, somehow, against all odds, something still manages to threaten the ship and we're at risk of sinking, it will take less than a second for me to turn to a shadow state and scoop you up, and I can manage to transport us a short distance to wherever the nearest land mass is. Seras will do the same for your son and Valarie, and my hounds can evacuate Pip and Walter. There isn't any chance that you will so much as put a toe in the ocean while I'm there with you."
Mercedes blinked slowly a few times and then wiped away the tears she noticed were leaking down her cheeks. "Right... You're you, so you can legitimately do all that..."
Alucard chuckled quietly and gave a nod. "Da, draga mea. It would help matters if you learn to actively factor into your considerations that I'm not the average vampire. And you have the Vampire King's promise that whatever details are within my vast powers to control, I will be making sure are under control and this trip goes as quietly as possible so as not to exacerbate your phobia. We've been discreetly collecting some sedatives to help, especially when boarding or exiting the boats and you can directly see the water. Even before your direct confession of the fear last night, I had taken note that you referenced something of that nature when saying how greatly you didn't want to be suspended midair and realized there might be a conflict with this plan of action. You'll be welcome to take a sedative as needed to help keep the subconscious reactions suppressed, and then I ask you to trust me to do my part of seeing to your safety. I brought you home to your son as promised before, and I'm going to ensure you make it across that ocean safely."
Mercedes gave a tentative nod to the assurances. "Alright, Alucard. I... I can't promise that I'm going to be a ray of sunshine for this trip, I'm probably going to be a nervous wreck the entire time, but I will try to keep it quiet and to myself so we can get out of here safely."
"That's all that's being asked of you."
Mercedes gave another hesitant nod and, after a few seconds of trying to marshal up her mental reserves, asked so she knew what to expect, "So, it's one of the coastal tour boats from Maine to Nova Scotia, and then?"
"We'll switch identities again, and hide in plain sight by taking a popular luxury cruise line from Nova Scotia all the way down to the Bahamas, instead of booking a ship going straight across to England. We'll depart from that route once in the islands, change identities again, and take a different cruise line from the Bahamas, up and across the Atlantic, to the Canary Islands off the Northwestern coast of Africa. We again change identities, and take a third cruise liner from there to follow the coast and into the Mediterranean Sea, instead of going straight up to England. We'll be getting off in the Greek Islands and take a small ferry to the mainland. We change identities again, and then make a circuitous route by vehicle up around Eastern Europe and then doubling back to Germany. Once in Germany, we'll take on a final alias for the trip, and briefly travel by boat to reach England. I have several dozen safehouses all throughout Europe that are still standing and presumably undiscovered by our enemies because I've been careful in how I obtain them and manage their upkeep, that we'll be able to detour to if needed, and a handful remaining in England outside those that my British allies can provide us with.
"While our course is decided on, we won't book any passage until the last minute, once we have arrived to each destination, to keep from having our aliases preemptively discovered before we can depart and authorities contacted to waylay those individuals. Along the way, we'll be picking up new clothes with cash purchases for those who can't manifest their own, so you're not wearing the same clothes from alias to alias and be easy to spot if a previous alias becomes discovered. The old clothes will be discarded, so try not to get too attached to anything. Walter and Seras have also been collecting up a few boxes of hair dye or a set of colored contact lenses when they go out from the stocks of different stores to accommodate what's shown in the passport photos, and we'll have enough time between each leg of the trip for everyone to make the appropriate changes."
Mercedes gave a faint groan and said with a glance to the long wavy brown locks tumbled over her shoulder, "I've never dyed my hair before, and that many dye jobs in so short a period of time is going to fry my hair into brittleness."
"Is that really the most pressing concern right now?" Alucard asked with distinct reproof.
"No," she agreed readily enough, giving an abashed look at the vampire and then down to her lap. "I'm not saying I won't do it, I'm just saying I'm not happy about it. I like my hair the way it is, and boxed dyes are even harsher than a salon dye. It'll take practically forever to get my hair back to normal after putting it through all those chemicals."
"Be that as it may," Alucard said with a better show of neutrality, thanks to a quiet reminder from a certain vampiric sage in his head to temper his impatience with this rare moment of the young noble women's privilege and vanity surfacing. "Especially because you've never dyed your hair before, and half the people searching for us are laboring under the impression that you're a completely unwilling party to having been rescued by me, and the other half don't have a clear idea of just how mutual our alliance may or not be and how far you may or may not be willing to cooperate with me- changing up your name and superficial appearance in such ways, and taking such an indirect route as we will be, should be enough to keep people from picking up our trails before we switch to the next alias, leaving them at least a step or two behind us if they manage to pick up one spot we've been, and second guessing just what our final destination may end up being. Even if we're belatedly tracked to Greece, with as heavily watched as Britain will be, and the route we'll be taking through Europe, they'll have no way to know where I'm actually bringing you and will hopefully assume I've decided to stay on the mainland of Europe, as there's so many countries there that I've lived in at some point and might seek familiar refuge in. So long as we keep them off guard and scrambling to figure out what is happening, they won't be able to catch up to us before we're safely on British soil where I have more allies should they be needed."
Mercedes nodded to that and said wryly, "Who am I to argue with the consummate strategist's plan of action?"
Alucard smirked at her turning his words from the night before back on him. "The little mouse who so frequently finds ways to argue with me..." The seer laughed briefly at his teasing response. As her laughter died down, he said more seriously, "Your choice of words, Seer, does however bring to mind one last important detail of these plans that needs to be discussed."
Mercedes' dark brows pulled together in confusion. "And what's that?"
"The one common link these various aliases have, so as to avoid various complications ensuing," Alucard said neutrally, to hopefully not incite a worse reaction by allowing his entertainment with the arrangements show. "As you are a seer who can't tell a lie, and there's your young son to consider interactions with and his likely inability to restrain himself for extended periods of time to pretend Valarie or Seras may be his mother, all the aliases maintain that connection between the two of you."
Mercedes gave an understanding nod to that and said, "I appreciate that you took that into consideration."
"Yes, well, there's another factor to be considered," Alucard continued explaining. "Which is that your blood ward is, for the immediate future, still binding me to be so close to you, and I'll be keeping to my promise of remaining by your side during the cruises so that you have the reassurance of safety while having to be in direct contact with the object of your phobia." He had to actively restrain his smirk as he saw understanding, of where this line of conclusions was inevitably leading, begin to creep over the seer's face. "As such, the various aliases we have indicate that we're a married couple, of either some six to eight years and myself being the child's father when my alias matches his features close enough, or approximately newlyweds and I'll be posing as his stepfather when there's significant differences."
Mercedes was again staring at the vampire in disbelief, and swiftly growing displeasure. "B-but... Then doesn't that mean... I can't just... Even with..."
"I'm well aware of your limitations as a seer," Alucard said smoothly. "While it's true that Her Majesty can decree many aspects of your alias to be convenient alternative reality, She does not have the authority to declare a marriage between two people without their consent, even if Her agents can place it on paper. Even in the old days of arranged marriages, when there was little real choice but to do as ordered, both parties still needed to agree to do their duty and marry as those above them expected. But, luckily for these aliases, even if she's only your apprentice in magic and pursuing an Art degree as her main vocation, I did note that you had helped Valarie obtain proper ministry credentials similar to your own. So she can perform a brief alternative wedding ceremony, which will allow you to hold conversations when necessary that may require indicating that my alias is your husband and technically a form of father to the child."
"You! You! Fils de salope, Alucard! What?!" Mercedes shouted in frustration, unable to form proper sentences to try expressing the confused tumble of thoughts she was having. "But we can't... I can't... Are you serious?! What?! Why would you..."
"I'm quite serious, Mercedes," Alucard said, unable to completely restrain his smirk now. "Unless you can think of some reason why you can't make such a concession, and therefore we would need to scrap all of the plans and come up with another viable means of escape, this is the most sensible course to take."
Mercedes glanced around Tukiko's bedroom in bewilderment, trying to search her mind for some argument to such an outrageous suggestion, and some alternative solution to offer in its stead. "But, I can't... Even if I'm not Liam's Consort anymore, I'm technically still..." Mercedes' words broke off involuntarily, and not because she was too rattled to form a sentence. She tried again in profound confusion, not consciously aware of what might be stopping the words from being said. "There's still my initial oath as... What?! But that's not... I'm still technically... What?! Why can't I..."
Alucard's smirk grew a fraction, his suspicion confirmed as to the singular potential hiccup in his plans having been removed by an unfortunate, if accidentally opportune, incident. "Seer, were whatever vows Liam made you swear to first become his Companion phrased in such a way that they were only binding until death took you?" Golden-brown gaze darted to him, and understanding forming was plain to see. "That's what I thought... I had a feeling, given their presumed temporary nature, that Companions only have a lesser, 'til death do us part', type of wording, so as not to imply Elders had any obligations to the human's memory once gone. Even if it was such a fleeting commitment, however, that could have been a problem with this plan and perhaps forced us to get especially creative in how a ceremony was worded to allow us to be technically married without breaking your Companion oath. Fortunately, that doesn't seem to be an issue any longer. I know it's a sore subject because of the means I took to reverse the emergency, but you were by any measure physically dead for about a minute before I could get my blood into you, restart your organs, and then pull your soul back to your body so you could resume life under your own power. Any vows or oaths you may have been bound by, of any nature of commitment, that didn't include explicit clauses of carrying past death, are no longer binding you. Therefore, regardless of what Liam might think on the matter if he finds out, you are no longer even his Companion. Which means you're free to undertake a marriage ceremony, one that can be without the headache of utilizing exceedingly complicated and specific language to dictate the parameters of such an arrangement."
Mercedes stared at him with wide eyes and jaw slightly open for almost fifteen seconds, before sputtering several times. Her uninjured arm raised so she could cover her mouth with a hand, teeth grinding together, as her eyes narrowed in anger on the vampire. She finally managed to unclench her jaw enough to ask sharply, "And you think it's proportional and reasonable to ask me, A SEER, for the sake of passing aliases to survive this immediate situation, to undergo a marriage ceremony to YOU, which would indefinitely bind me to whatever vows are spoken, even after this mess is done, if I survive the conflict?!"
"Of course not," Alucard said with a dismissive wave of his hand, but his smirk was lingering. "While there will have to be enough of a commitment spoken by the both of us during the ceremony to properly count as a 'wedding', in whatever terms you're truthfully able to bring yourself to say, and there can't be a built in time limit because neither of us are sure when or how this will all resolve, I am wholly expecting there to be some sort of escape clause included that would allow for a dissolution of the union once the situation has passed. First of consideration is that we look at the short list of widely acknowledged grounds for divorce. There's abuse, but I would never abuse someone I've taken as a bride for even passing purposes of necessity, nor do I believe you would become abusive to a spouse, so that's not acceptable. There's infidelity, but I don't believe you'd feel comfortable doing so to break the agreement; and for my part, if you were agreeable to allowing me to find my pleasures elsewhere while in this arrangement, then it wouldn't be legitimate grounds for divorce, and if not, well then I'd respect your comforts enough to deal with the brief period of celibacy until we end the arrangement. And while we may have our differences, I'm not certain you would be able to testify to them being utterly 'irreconcilable' as we do have our common grounds and make an effective partnership when we're not bickering, which rules that option out. So, with those options ruled out, unless we wish to act against our innate characters and put one another through unneeded strife just for the pretense of having cause to end the arrangement, we look to the option of annulment. And the most widely acknowledged, and likely to be safely effective, reason for annulment of a marriage arrangement is failure to consummate the marriage. It is a simple enough matter for us to agree within the vows that as long as the marriage isn't consummated, either of us can request annulment when the arrangement no longer carries the desired benefits for this situation and isn't providing the usually expected marital perks."
The seer found herself well and truly speechless in the face of such a proposed course of action and the offered loophole of an escape clause. She couldn't manage to make so much as a noise of a word, nor even form a coherent line of thought. It was like her brain had become a mess of meaningless, annoying static on a tv, buzzing along without purpose.
"Am I to presume you have no other practical concerns for the arrangement?" Alucard asked impassively.
Mercedes blinked a few times, trying to gather back up her wits. What was she supposed to say to that? How does one respond to something like this? What in the name of divinity had actually just been proposed?! She said uncertainly, trying to get her thoughts together by speaking them outloud, and to make sure she wasn't somehow misunderstanding, "Let me see if I understand you correctly. So that we can have plausible aliases, you decided that it would be best for us to be portrayed as different married couples. But to accomplish that, because I'm a seer, that would mean we would actually need to get married. And you're perfectly fine with that sort of arrangement for convenience. And your solution to ending the marriage of convenience when this is all done, is for there to be an annulment escape clause that so long as the marriage isn't consummated, we can go our separate ways, free and clear."
"Indeed," Alucard said. "Is there some problem with that plan? Or do you have a better idea?"
Mercedes grudgingly, and not entirely voluntarily, admitted, "I... Well... I don't know that I can think of an idea that would be as likely to work for getting us out of the country..."
"And is there some functional problem with the arrangements that I've overlooked, and therefore are making them personally unthinkable to consider tolerating?"
"You mean besides pretending to be the wife of someone I met only two weeks ago, and attempting to make myself do so for an extended period of time in a manner that will be convincing?"
"Well, if you agree to this, technically you would be my wife for that period of time, you wouldn't be pretending to be," Alucard said with smirk creeping back on his lips. "What you would be leaving out to outside parties is the real reason we're married. As for making it convincing, do find me so terribly unbearable that we can't conduct ourselves in a pleasantly civil enough fashion for longer periods of time than the brief instances we've thus far managed? Even with concealing most of your injuries as best as we'll be able to, and having various prepared excuses for your arm with each alias, with so obvious an injury that is understandably causing you residual pain as you recover, but you're being so resilient in pushing past that because you wanted to enjoy the holiday time with your family- no one is going to expect you to be an exuberant blushing bride doting on a husband or getting into all sorts of excessively athletic interactions. Quieter and simply respectful interactions, with perhaps a few attempts at banter or levity, should suffice more than enough to sell the stories."
Mercedes considered that reasoning, and again couldn't find fault with it. "No, if you're toning down your usual provoking behavior to likewise fill your alias' role, I suppose I could manage at least that much." She heaved a sigh, brain wracking over the idea, then asked warily, "Are you actually going to behave yourself for the most part? Because you have a habit of doing things that utterly annoy me, and while I'll try not to let it happen, you could provoke something slipping out that blows our cover."
Alucard gave a huff of suppressed laughter and then asked dryly, "Tell me, Seer, why would I put myself through the immense trouble of making all these arrangements, only to render them pointless in such an avoidable way?"
"Because I'm honestly not sure you can contain your desire to provoke me at times" Mercedes said immediately.
"Well, as I've said before, draga mea, you do make the most interesting expressions when provoked. It's hard to ignore the temptation of that source of entertainment." To her resulting scowl, the vampire chuckled and said, "There, exactly like that one. But, I will try to contain myself when in public places, and keep any such provocations mild so the worst you feel the need to respond with is an exasperated glance or a snappy quip back. It'll lend legitimacy to the appearance of a couple comfortable enough with one another that they don't feel the need to be on their constant best behavior to avoid ruffling the other's feathers."
Mercedes rolled her eyes to that assessment and then heaved a sigh, continuing to consider the matter. Finally, she said, even more warily, "If I agree to this arrangement, you're also going to behave yourself in private. Your occasional talk of 'challenges' and such don't continue."
Alucard raised an eyebrow to that, smirk remaining as he asked, "Now why would the seer feel the need to issue that condition? Are you perhaps worried that the occasional bit of teasing to pass time might actually entice you into other forms of amusement to make our arrangement more entertaining, and you'd be in jeopardy of violating the escape clause for an annulment of our arrangement?"
Mercedes' glared all the more fiercely at him, and her jaw clenched shut. With as frazzled as she was from this morning's entire conversation, and so many confusing twists having been thrown at her and not having time to properly sort through her thoughts, she honestly wasn't sure what might come out of her mouth, and she wasn't in quite the proper state of mind to think of snappy comments to deflect his behavior.
Alucard's smirk grew a fraction with her silence and he said, with a teasing rumble to his voice that was entirely contrary to the words, "Your cousin, being as defensive of you as he is, already questioned my motives, and I will give you the same promise I gave him. I will treat you as I always have, unless you indicate you'd prefer otherwise and I'm in the mood to accommodate such a request. If such a circumstance arises during this arrangement, I will not go beyond what you explicitly make clear as being the limit, so as not to risk putting either of us in a predicament we'd have trouble getting ourselves extricated from. If you have no desire to do more than continuing to repel the moments when my mood inclines me towards teasing you, than the worst you're going to have to put up with is those bits of teasing so I have the entertainment of finding out what new way you're going to respond in."
Mercedes gave an exasperated groan, and said the only thing she knew was safe to say at the moment. "Vous êtes un bâtard impossible, Alucard."
The Vampire King laughed long and hard at her response, and then asked the blushing and flustered young woman, "So we have an understanding and accord, da?"
Mercedes continued to glare at him. Despite the very strong feeling like she was walking straight into a trap, the sort of traps she tried really hard not to walk into and didn't want to give name to at the moment, she grudgingly had to admit to herself that she had no feasible alternative options to offer in these complicated circumstances. And it wasn't just her life in the balance against the many enemies, but also her son's and her best friend's lives. She heaved a sigh that ended up being so heavy as to pull at the stitches along her side and cause a flinch of pain, then grumbled out, "Oui, Alucard, we have an understanding and accord for the current and near future states of our alliance."
To her surprise, instead of Alucard laughing again, he gave a (relatively speaking) somber nod of his head (there was still that damn smirk there, though), and he said, "Now that we've come to those understandings, I'll leave you to your pending breakfast, writing up something appropriate, and instructing Valarie on what precisely you want her to say and do for her part in matters."
"Rest well, Alucard," Mercedes said with strained civility.
"Thank you, draga mea, I believe I will." And with that, the vampire turned to shadows, slipped off his chair and under the bedroom door, and was gone.
Mercedes glared in the direction the vampire had disappeared off into, and then looked down at the pile of documents in her lap. She heaved a sigh, gathered them up, and leaned over with a flinch of pain to set them on the side table. She'd study that information later, and she'd have to worry about trying to figure out how to undo the blood wards when there wasn't the impending evacuation to prepare for. Because now at the top of her to-do list, for the sake of survival, was trying to write up some coherent semblance of a wedding ceremony that would do what it needed to, within the limitations it needed to have, so that Valarie could then officiate it.
"Baiser ma vie... ONE SEASON! That's all I ask for! Is it so much to ask for one fucking season where some aspect of my life doesn't get messed up and disorienting somehow?!" the seer asked herself rhetorically with frustration. She again found herself looking around Tukiko's room, and this time she was wishing like hell that he was still alive because that period of her life after leaving Brian had been the last time there had been a sustained peace. Just under ten months where everything had felt like things might be fine after all because she had him and Fumiko, and she was healing as best as could be expected, and Xander was safely born and growing out of infancy, and all the other lesser aspects of her life were finally turning around.
Mercedes blinked back renewed tears and shook her head, quietly asking of the empty air and knowing full well she wouldn't get a response because he was in the Underworld right now: "Tukiko san, why is that even when I'm trying my best to follow your lessons, I can't even manage to keep life quiet for one season?! How do I end up in so many weird or problematic situations?! ...Gods damnit, I miss you. I miss things making sense and being peaceful."
Instead of contemplating those difficult questions at length and only maybe having a chance at coming to some legitimate answers, Mercedes decided it was better for her immediate sanity to instead grab the notebook and pencil that Alucard had also conveniently brought this morning and left on the side table, and get to work constructing the simplest and least potentially problematic ceremony she could think of. Survival first, then she could try figuring out what to do with whatever life was left for her to live.
Valarie was not the least thrilled when she came in to help Mercedes handle personal needs and was told what her role was to be, nevermind with the proceedings themselves, given just who the pseudo-groom-to-be was and the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde flip he could make into a massive raging asshole. But she was also far too afraid of said vampire's promised wrath to say something discouraging about these matters. So she quietly conceded to her mentor's request to perform the ceremony for the sake of their much needed aliases, prayed Mercedes knew what the hell she was doing, and then concentrated on helping her surrogate sister in and out of the bathroom and helping her wash her hair and back because she couldn't properly do that on her own yet.
Valarie had a hard time keeping her silence when Mercedes again complimented her on the new shorter hairstyle, mentioning how nicely it accented her jawline and cheeks; which was something Seras had done for her a few days after her Master's hound had turned it into a ragged ended mess. The thought of those disgusting hellhounds doing worse caused the apprentice to force a smile and voice appreciation for the compliment because she still wasn't sure if she liked the change or not, but she appreciated the seer's input because it was obviously bound to be honest to how she viewed things.
Pip came into the bedroom after his nap, shortly after lunch time, and the estranged cousins exchanged kisses to the cheeks and a very long hug. Seeing what was being written, he told his baby cousin without preamble that if a certain vampire tried anything untoward, he'd be getting a blessed silver grenade down the throat for doing so. That caused her to laugh in surprised amusement, and after that Pip settled onto the bed next to her. They proceeded to have a few hours of catching up in a far more honest fashion than they had in their sporadic and brief phone calls over the last decade, while the priestess continued to write outlines, scratch parts out, and add revisions.
Xander came in periodically to chat with his mom and get extra hugs, glad for her to be staying awake. He could tell she wasn't feeling her usual self though, and was busy with something that looked important, and then she was trying to catch up with their pirate cousin Pip (he didn't care if Pip said he wasn't a pirate, that eyepatch and the guns were all the proof he needed). So after he'd tell his mom what new things he had done in the last hour or two, he ran off to play with Valarie, or with Seras once she woke up. He got to eat dinner with his mom, though, and then she watched the first The Addams Family movie with him on his portable DVD player as she continued working on whatever she was doing, and stopped writing to tell him a bedtime story when it was time. When she gave him a final hug goodnight, it was an extra long and squishy hug, which made him giggle; and her telling him an extra time that she loved him made him run to bed in a bit of embarassment for his mom being so girly and weird sometimes.
When Alucard woke and came upstairs a few hours after dusk, there was a brief, but suitable, outline waiting, that he agreed to with only a few small alterations for the sake of mutually understood clarity. The revised outline was rewritten for ease of reading and then handed to Valarie to study enough to make it through properly.
And so it was, just a little before midnight on the 7th of July, in a private proceeding that was utterly unremarkable in any way save for who the unlikely participants were, and only had three adult witnesses outside of the officiant herself, a turbulent alliance was temporarily sealed with an exceedingly chaste ceremonial kiss that lasted a fleeting second.
The formalities dispensed with, the newlyweds gave one another a nod and promptly went back to their routines- the bride getting some much needed sleep, and the groom going for his customary walk out in the woods while he waited for a servant to bring him his nightly snack.
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.
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A/N: I know about half my readers are here for the explosions and gritty fights, and the other half are here for the eventual romantic situations because they appreciate Mercedes' character and ship her and Alucard. And knowing the latter half, I realize you folks *might* be peeved at how this latest event is handled. I ask that you please remember which fandom this is, the characters and plot involved, and that I'm a realistic writer. You romance lovers will start getting what you want soon enough, so put down the torches, be patient with me, and let this play out believably.