Falling Apart, Barely Breathing Chapter 40: 40: What Have I Done To Deserve this?, a grey's anatomy fanfic

Author's Note:

Thank you all for waiting for today for this Chapter!

This one is over a hundred pages long in my browser… Seriously!

For those reading this in the future, this one was delayed a few days due to Mother's Day 2020.

This work has been 30 Chapters in 30 days from April 1st to 30th, 2020…

And I wanted it to be 40 in 40 days, like as a symbolic number I guess.

Instead, I decided to take an extra few days for this one and I hope this is worth it.

So it is now 40 Chapters in 42 days, which still seems like a nice poetic number. ;)

At long last, I present Chapter 40 of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing".

And I wish and I hope that it will be as special as it is for me.

This one is the longest one EVER, with extra notes, too.

So enjoy the ride, and settle in for a little while...

With extreme gratitude, joy, and love,

Welcome to my world and enjoy it.

Let me know what you think!

Happy reading for you!

bobbiejelly

PREVIOUSLY ON "FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING":

What seems like ages ago, to both Meredith and Addison, right now, on that fateful night...

Addison stays just so she can tuck the girl in as she pulls over the sheet trying not to tickle Meredith's toes and she tugs over the throw blanket so it covers all of Meredith's feet and her calves. And then she lifts up the duvet all the way up to Meredith's head before Meredith pokes it out to say "peekaboo" and Addison almost loses it laughing before stopping and realizing that the both of them laughing was making them both now be way too loud.

"Peekaboo you now young Meredith Grey now you get yourself some sleep it's been quite the long day for us both hasn't it, huh," Addison says with her most concerned doctor voice as she clicks her tongue and Meredith grins up at her, eyelids growing heavy and falling further and further until she can no longer keep her eyes open.

"Thanks-" Meredith tries to say more but she's snoring already and Addison takes this as her cue to shut the lights off to Meredith's room and to close the bedroom door behind her as she leaves.

Addison ignores Meredith's earlier orders to leave the potted plant alone because she can't stand that the plant will probably wilt on its own if left sideways so she straightens the roots out back into its shell and she rights it right onto the table it had taken to before tending to it with some water and with the wear of her hands.

She settles Meredith's coat onto the coat rack even though none of the others have hung theirs there and she silently slips back into the kitchen again so she can wash out her hands before she spies a half-empty bottle of aspirin back under the counter she stores in her hand while she searches for a piece of spare paper and a spare glass for water as well as a pen.

Addison then realizes that she doesn't want to leave the house door wide open behind her all after she's gone and she's not going to be crawling through any backdoor windows at this time of night and besides of which Meredith has at least her two housemates and that they'll see each other soon in the hospital anyway.

So she leaves Meredith a note which she doesn't sign a name to. And she slips the house key off of Meredith's car key keychain before twisting it to hers where it snaps now it's securely shut. And she's securing the door lock to Meredith's mother's house and she is testing it behind her before calling herself another cab and feeling even more empty than before as she stumbles into her hotel room alone at the Archfield.

And Addison is sad as she's thinking she's got no one to tuck her in tonight and to leave her a note on her kitchen table to say that she should take the two of the aspirin she's poured out from the bottle when she wakes up along with a tall glass of water she's poured into the glass from the sink. She won't find out also that she'll have her key back soon enough too; and that it was not stolen - (she borrowed it) and that it was simply borrowed for a short time- borrowed because she just didn't want to leave them all unknowingly alone in the house that was unsecured all throughout the night altogether.

And Addison is sad because she's thinking she's got no one to hold her or to tell her they're sorry or to tell her that she's still desirable and that they'll stay for them as long as they need for her to feel happy again.

And Addison is sad because she's thinking she'll maybe never ever find love for herself ever, ever again and she's given her lovers away like she's given away sharp and broken bottle pieces of her sliced up soul.

And Addison finally finds herself crying herself to sleep for the second night in a row since she's sure as hell not thinking that Grey girl can't even know how happy she's got it with her friends falling around her and for even her own generosity in ensuring that she's safe and sound through the very worst night of her young life, so far.

END OF FLASHBACK SEQUENCE.

Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

In Which Addison meets Meredith in a bar. Things spiral from there. This is the story about what might have happened after Meredith asks Derek to "Pick Me, Choose Me, Love Me" but before he decides to do anything about it, and after SHE decides to do something about it. MerAdd. Meddison. Set during "Bring the Pain" GA. An Addison Montgomery/Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction. Written by bobbiejelly

FINALLY THE VERY VERY REAL - Chapter 40: What Have I Done To Deserve This?

"It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Addison Montgomery says to Meredith Grey. And Meredith Grey says it back to her, smiling.

"It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Addison blurts out to Meredith, the moment they've exited the door to Joe's bar, as Meredith waves goodbye to Joe and Walter over her shoulder, and they mouth a 'take care of her' back at her.

Addison doesn't see her waving, or Joe and Walter mouthing words at Meredith, because she's so focused on the evening sky.

"It's not raining, the sun is shining, right here in Seattle" Meredith repeats to Addison with a smile, coming back to her from her silent interactions, and tucking into Addison close.

"You once said to me, 'when it rains, it pours' Addison reveals to Meredith, who concentrates hard to see if she can remember this.

"I think I was talking about a metaphor," Meredith says to her. "I think I was trying to talk about our messed-up lives and how things always felt like they were getting worse and worse," Meredith remembers out loud.

"And now, it's not raining," Addison says to Meredith, pulling her close in her arms from behind her and tucking her own head atop Meredith's.

"And now, it's not raining," Meredith says back to Addison, wrapping her own hands around Addison's hands, overtop her caress.

"Beautiful," Addison says wistfully.

"Yeah. Beautiful," Meredith says wistfully back at her.

"I was talking about YOU, you know," Addison finally says to Meredith, after a pause.

"So was I," Meredith smiles into Addison's hug.

And they stand there for a minute, looking up at the stars and the moon and the planets, feeling like the Seattle sky was shining then, just for them. For them to finally feel happy again. Alongside each other.

(Together.)

(At long last.)

(Finally…)

It's Meredith who finally breaks the silence.

"Addie," Meredith starts with Addison's old nickname, snapping her out of her reverie.

"Yes, Mer?" Addison reciprocates with Meredith's shortened name.

She realizes she's never called Meredith that before, because it's usually been reserved for Cristina.

She sees Meredith smile at it, though, so she pulls her close again, as Meredith had just pulled away slightly in her embrace to face her.

"This is the moment, I think. This is the moment we decide whether or not tonight was a date or not. And I'm not sure how that's going to work; because there's two of us and if one of us votes yes and the other one no, then there's not exactly a way to break an uneven tie…"

Meredith trails off on a ramble and Addison grins at her, thinking she's as cute as the night she was plastered and droning on and on in her bed…

"Well, I think I have another solution," Addison proposes suddenly, as if she's thought of this all on the spot.

She actually has; Addison has just gotten a novel idea.

"What?" Meredith says curiously, having no idea where Addison is going with this.

"What if we don't call the dinner and non-alcoholic drinks at Joe's a date, but…" Addison starts to trail off, trying to figure out the words for herself…

"Can ask you on another date, right away, like right now. You're saying I can take you somewhere other than to your hotel first, and that that can be our first date together, ever?!" Meredith says to Addison rather excitedly.

"That's exactly what I was thinking!" Addison concludes the thought.

They're not even 'on their first date' yet, though it feels as though they already are.

They can read each other's minds as if instantly, and the world fades away, paler in color than what the two of them are experiencing with one another.

"You know, I never thought that I'd ever be able to stop hating myself enough to ever let you have me like this," Addison admits to Meredith finally.

"You know that I hate that you hate yourself all that much all the time," Meredith sighs heavily as she reaches to place an arm around Addison's shoulders.

Addison holds Meredith back, like she wants to, pulling her in by the waist with her hands resting on the small of Meredith's back.

"I know, I just can't help it," Addison says to her softly, hanging her head in the process.

"I'm glad that you're letting yourself have me like this. I wasn't sure if you ever would, and I wanted to wait forever for you, but I'm glad I don't have to, now," Meredith says seriously.

"You know, I can feel that you hate yourself just as much all the time," Addison says carefully to Meredith now.

"I know, I just can't help it," Meredith says softly, mirroring Addison's phrasing as she does.

"I hate it too, you know, when I see that in you," Addison says to her gently.

"Yeah," Meredith sighs.

"I'm sorry, you know, I mean, for that. I don't mean to cause you pain…" Meredith apologizes and it kills Addison, just positively kills Addison every damn time.

"It just hurts me to know that you're hurting yourself emotionally," Addison tucks a hair from Meredith's face as she says this.

"It hurts me the same way, knowing you're hurting yourself emotionally," Meredith nuzzles herself into Addison's frame.

"Do you think I can ever learn to care for myself, the way that I should?" Addison says mostly rhetorically, but Meredith wants to give her an answer.

"I really do hope so, and I hope that I can learn to care for myself like I should, as well," Meredith sums up succinctly.

"We really are two broken people," Addison sighs.

"Yeah, we really are broken. But we're building ourselves up again," Meredith says to her hopefully.

"We really are, Grey…" Addison says to her sweetly.

And Addison thinks that the happiness that creeps into Meredith's sad voice is the most joyful thing ever...

"You know, Addison, you tame all the rain for me. You make it seem like it's sunny when the sun isn't shining. And now that the sun is already shining, you make it shine brighter just standing with you," Meredith says up to Addison all poetically, breaking their silence, eventually.

"You know, Meredith, you make me enjoy the rain. When you said to me that night 'when it rains, it pours', I thought it would always feel like a bad thing. I've had some bad nights out in the rain. The day Derek left me. The day I thought that you left me. I was in the rain… But now…"

Addison moves to continue her thoughts as she nuzzles her chin into the corners of Meredith's head.

"Now, I find comfort in it. I thought I would hate Seattle for the storms. But I find myself loving the rain, because it reminds me of you," Addison finally finishes her monologue.

"I wanna kiss you right now, but that's supposed to be the end of the date, and we haven't even started, so I'm gonna start walking to the car and take your arms away from me, so I can hold your hand and squeeze it tight like I wanna…," Meredith says in a shy voice.

"I want to be close to you Addison, but I want to wait to kiss you goodnight properly, and I won't be able to help myself if I'm cuddled right into your neck," Meredith says, as she lets go reluctantly of Addison's arms, and takes her hand in hers like she said she would.

And Addison laces her fingers in Meredith's palm, and she traces the back of Meredith's hand with her thumb.

"Let's go for a drive," Meredith suggests, and Addison follows her, without hesitation, on a journey that feels like it has only begun…

"Can you turn on the radio?" Meredith asks Addison.

Addison does, and the familiar track of "Broken" by Lifehouse starts playing.

They both hum and sing along to the lyrics.

Addison doesn't ask how Meredith knows this song.

Meredith figures Addison knows it because it's the disc from her car.

Addison tries to pull her hand away, but Meredith insists she can still drive one-handed, and Addison lets her, seeing as Meredith seems pretty skiled at that, and that she doesn't ever want to let go.

They drive over the overpass. They pass Addison's hotel, The Archfield, which, she points out to Meredith, for future reference.

Meredith gasps when she sees it, because it's far, far away from her house.

"I cannot believe you went all the way to my house then back here, that night!" Meredith exclaims to her.

"I didn't know, then, where your house or the hotel was. I would have done it anyway, but I really didn't know," Addison confesses finally to Meredith.

And the whole way they drive the familiar route, Addison and Meredith are reliving their first cab drive together, over the roads, past the stop signs and stoplights.

Meredith remembers Addison having had buckled her in.

Addison remembers having propped up Meredith's head so she wouldn't get whiplash.

"You know, I sort of remember you crawling in beside me, on that drive home," Meredith says to her, finally.

"Yeah?" Addison asks her, a bit surprised.

"It's all coming back to me. After you confessed to me, it's all coming back to me now," Meredith smiles.

"Are you glad you remember now?" Addison asks a bit insecurely.

"Of course, it's the first night we spent together," Meredith says cheerfully.

"It feels like a lifetime ago…" Addison says as if off in the distance.

"It feels like a lifetime ago, but it's been a really beautiful 'lifetime' Meredith starts to explain.

"What do you mean? That was the worst night of your life, and mine!" Addison exclaims before regretting having said that, immediately.

But Meredith understands her. Meredith usually does understand Addison, especially these days.

"It was the worst night of my life so far, I think," Meredith admits to Addison, who looks at her sadly.

"I'm-" Addison starts to apologize before Meredith squeezes her hand and asks her to stop.

"It was the worst night of my life so far… Until you showed up to catch me," Meredith finally says.

She's been wanting to tell Addison that for awhile, since she found out it was Addison who had been there to save her.

"It was the worst night of my life so far. And I thought it would be yours, too. And I didn't want it to be harder than it had to…" Addison finally admits how she wanted to 'catch' Meredith before Derek could do irreparable damage to her.

"You know, Meredith, I felt like he took pieces of me away from myself. I felt like he took away broken-bottle pieces of my spliced-up soul…" Addison explains to Meredith what she had been thinking about, all alone that night, in her hotel room.

"You know, Addison, I was thinking a similar thing at the bar. I was looking into your eyes and I felt like I was looking at invisible bruises that Derek did to you and I guess I must have recognized them in you before I saw the same thing for myself..." Meredith sighs.

"He never hit me, to be clear," Addison says to her, hoping that Meredith would say the same thing.

"Me either, of course," Meredith says, eyes wide, Addison felt the need to tell her that as if it were even an issue at all worth considering.

"You know, I think I'm remembering saying to you something like that I was 'into Derek like a train that I wanted to ride' and I'm rather embarassed about that," Meredith says all the thoughts in her head in a stream of consciousness.

"You did, sorry," Addison says to her sympathetically. "But then you said it was sort of like you were being hit by a semi by him, and I wasn't sure what to think about that," Addison says.

"You know, I'm into YOU like a train, now," Meredith says before she can close her mouth with a gasp after admitting that out loud, to Addison.

"I'm into YOU like a train now, as well," Addison chuckles.

Neither of them finishes the rest of it, the implied 'and I wanna ride you all night long…' because they're trying to take it slow with each other, and saying something like that wouldn't help.

"You know, it's really lovely to be falling for someone who is falling for you right back," Meredith says to Addison, finally.

"It really is," Addison says with a weary sigh, and it makes Meredith's heart clench, knowing that it's been much, much longer that Addison has not had someone love her back, that way.

"You caught me too, you know. Literally, you caught me when I almost fell over at the vending machines," Addison smiles at Meredith.

"You're lucky I was strong enough, I didn't wanna have to get you a head CT!" Meredith exclaims, joking lightly.

"Of course you are strong enough, Meredith. You're much stronger than I am," Addison finishes.

"You're strong, Addison. You're just really gentle," Meredith whispers bittersweet nothings into the air.

And the words soothe over them, in solemn grace.

What might have once seemed like the unlikeliest of company for the two of them, seems like the most fitting of company of all to two of them, now.

"Do you wanna get snacks, Addison?" Meredith says to her cheerfully, finally thinking of a place to go on their date.

"Sure," Addison says to her, surprised she's already hungry after their dinner a few hours ago.

"Vietnamese food is sort of light," Meredith answers tht question for her.

Meredith starts driving over the overpass again. She turns onto the freeway now.

And they drive faster and faster.

The acceleration seems to be mirroring the acceleration of their mutual heartbeats as they feel themselves speeding towards… Something. Somewhere. Soon…

Addison doesn't question Meredith's sense of direction, she enjoys the sights of Seattle, stars in the sky as she sees them pass by from the passenger's seat.

The stars suddenly seems a bit brighter now, and Addison sort of wonders why.

As it turns out, the traffic lights of the freeway are broken, so they have to stop a bunch longer at all of them as they become '4 way stops' instead of the usual intersections.

Neither of them minds though, as this gives them more time to be with each other, now.

For a while, Meredith doesn't know where she is, with a few detours that end up happening because of the broken lights further up.

She hasn't forgotten her way home, though, so they end up heading there directly, instead.

"It's alright, I have snacks at my house," Meredith says, a bit disappointed still.

"Why did you want to go buy some, then?" Addison asks her, really wondering this.

"I wanted to go to the 7 Eleven to show you off to that storekeeper…" Meredith says a bit sheepishly.

"I'm glad that you're proud of me, but I'd rather we didn't go there right now, because knowing she hit on you makes me jealous as hell," admits Addison.

"Oh, and I love what that does to you," Meredith says seductively.

Addison rolls her eyes at Meredith now, and reminds her how jealous she was when she found out that Alex and George had propositioned her for a threesome.

"Did you like it? The threesome you had with Derek and Mark?" Meredith asks her curiously.

"That was a long, long time ago, Meredith," Addison sighs, looking away and hoping that Meredith takes the hint that she doesn't want to talk about it.

"Never mind, it's not your story to tell, not when I have not even met Mark yet," Meredith takes it back right away, and Addison is extremely relieved.

Meredith sees her relax, and she squeezes Addison's hand reassuringly to let her know she didn't ever want to stress her out after all.

When they get to Meredith's house, Meredith detaches Addison's key ring from her own.

"Keys," she says, as she waits for Addison to hold out her palm so she can hand her, her own key ring as she asks her to unlock the door to the house for them as she locks up the car.

It feels so familiar, a memory from before. And it also feels natural. As if they were meant to live alongside each other, in separate but parallel lives, saying things like 'keys' to each other.

Addison nods at her, selecting the correct key for the front entrance immediately, without question this time, and chuckling to herself thinking about how she'd tried all of them in the rain that first night.

Addison thumbs over Meredith's key as she likes to do. She traces that familiar "M" for Meredith over her fingers and over her thumb. She sighs as she'd really love to keep this key for herself, selfishly, just so she can have a keepsake of Meredith for herself. (Meredith had the very key to her heart, in her hands, after all…)

(Maybe one day I could live here, with her, together, the two of us… Addison fantasizes…)

"Watch the doormat!" Meredith calls out to her just as she reaches the front step.

It pulls her out of her reverie right before she does, in fact, almost reach the threshold of Meredith's house.

Addison chuckles at this, knowing that she and Meredith had both tripped over that damn welcome mat on separate occasions. She kicks off her high heels onto the doormat with a thump before setting them aside neatly so that Meredith won't trip on them on her way into the house.

Before Addison enters the house fully and she shuts the door behind her silently she glances her eyes around to see if she can sense any traces of Meredith's roommates roaming about the hallways or between their rooms or around with one another.

But just like the first night, all she hears is dead silence and the birds that chirp slowly outside of Meredith's kitchen window on occasion as she kicks off her shoes to tiptoe through the ten-tonne mass of movie boxes and kitchen sets that Meredith had still never moved inches since the day she signed over the house to herself.

She hangs her coat up on Meredith's coat rack, and rolls her eyes in amusement at the pile of a bunch of coats that sits on the floor next to it.

Addison makes a beeline to check on the potted plant in the kitchen. She sees that it's still wilted a bit, so she goes to get a glass of water from the familiar cupboard to water it.

She gets another glass of water for herself, and sets one out for Meredith on two separate coasters she's found on the counter.

Addison sits down by the counter and starts to drink her own as she waters the plant with a glass.

She does this slowly, as she caresses the knots out of the plant's roots as she lets the hydration sink in.

Addison is careful not to knock it over again, as she tends to each of the leaves and the roots and the vines and the flowers. Addison talks to the plant a bit absently, as she did that first night. She says to it words of encouragement. Words she's not ready to tell Meredith, yet.

"You're so wonderful. I'm so glad to have you in my life. Crashing into you has been the best thing that's happened so far since Seattle. I think I'm falling in love…"

Addison allows her hushed whispers to fall over the flowers as she runs her fingers over the still queer-as-heck plant whose extremities extend in every which way and direction and whose roots are even kinkier than before when Addison had first touched them and made them that way more.

She chuckles to herself, and the plant, softly, laughing out loud at the thought that the plant was 'as straight as she is, and Meredith is', in that it simply is no longer straight at all, and probably never was to begin with.

Addison continues to chatter with the plant for a moment, albeit with less incriminating things as she's expecting Meredith to walk in at any moment.

Meredith parks Addison's car in the parking lot properly, because she'd let Addison off right in front of it.

Meredith smiles that Addison trusts her to drive her own car. She's still holding Addison's whole key set, including the desk key.

Meredith decides to herself that as long as this goes well, which she thinks it will, she'll give Addison her keys back soon so that she can eventually discover her mystery disc she has left in her office.

She swipes her fingers and her thumb over the ignition key to Addison's jet black Mercedes as she locks the doors shut (and checks them twice just to be sure!).

Meredith thumbs over Addison's desk key as she likes to do. She traces that familiar "A" for Addison over her fingers and over her thumb. She sighs as she'd really love to keep this key for herself, selfishly, just so she can have a keepsake of Addison for herself. (Addison had the very key to her heart, in her hands, after all…)

She walks slowly to the threshold of her mother's house which is now hers, as she minds the doorstep and the welcome mat as she walks into the house, the door already unlocked but just shut gently by Addison.

Meredith smiles as she sees all the signs that Addison is here in her house.

She smiles when she sees Addison's shoes in the corner, as she places her sneakers and puts her own next to them.

She grins widely when she sees Addison's coat on the coat rack she never uses, as she places her own on the floor next to Izzie, George, Alex and Cristina's.

Meredith tiptoes in, not to disturb the rather… intimate? Conversation Addison is currently having with her potted plant.

She just watches for a few minutes. She watches Addison's absent-minded chatter as she caresses the leaves and the flowers and the roots and the vines of the plant.

She sees Meredith treat her plant tenderly, like a crowned jewel, and she swoons a bit, thinking that Addison is looking and caring for the plant with the exact same tender expression she usually reserves just for Meredith, herself.

She's not jealous of the plant, obviously, it's not that at all. She's just thinking it's sort of an 'out of body' experience to see Addison care that much for something of hers, sort of as a 'stand-in' for herself, Meredith thinks almost. Like a metaphor or a simile? Meredith isn't sure.

Either way, the imagery is stunning as she watches this person she really already loves, dearly, in such a relaxed and natural state in her kitchen.

Meredith starts to walk toward her, sliding in the chair that Addison is motioning to her with her eyes that she's pulled out for her.

(God, pulled-out chairs and everything. She really is my 'knight in shining… whatever' Meredith thinks of Addison as she sits down beside her…)

(God, driving for us both tonight and paying for dinner and everything. She really is my 'knight in shining… whatever' Addison thinks of Meredith at the same time…)

"Youre-"

Both of them interrupt each other and say something like "jinks!" before they say "double jinks!" and then "triple jinks!" Before they inevitably burst into laughter.

Just like the first time Addison had seen Meredith laugh so hard at something funny, the laughing vibrates deep into their chests now and if there had been a ten-tonne stack of bricks that had hit them over the head earlier at least now it might feel like at least a few of them had been lifted up and away.

As the laughter drifted off at its natural end, some of the sadness returned to their faces but not every once of it.

But the frown doesn't form on Meredith's face this time. This time, Meredith's face is washed of the sadness she's experienced momentarily as she smiles up at Addison, again.

And Addison smiles at her, too.

"We still have to actually feed the plant, if you want to do that together. We were going to do that the other day but we went back to the hospital. And I never came back to the house the other night because we slept at the hospital," Meredith explains to her.

"I'd love to feed the plant with you," Addison says enthusiastically.

"Thanks!" Meredith responds, equally enthusiastically.

"I'm very fond of both you and your plant," Addison says to Meredith, tenderly.

"I'm very fond of both you and how much you love my plant," Meredith says to Addison, equally tenderly.

"I do, I really do love, love- Uh, your potted plant…" Addison stops herself from saying you-know-what to Meredith too early.

"I do really love my potted plant, too, and how much you love my potted plant," Meredith says equally, matching Addison's phrasing and Addison's tone.

They both feel it means more when they say it, and they both feel it means more when they hear it.

But they don't dare ask about that, not wanting to make this too serious.

So eventually Meredith recovers, and has an idea for Addison.

"What if it can be your plant, too? What if we can take care of it together. Like, a shared plant," Meredith says to her.

"Umm?" Addison motions to continue her train of thought.

"You take care of this plant as much as I do. You can come visit our plant whenever you want to, y'know and you can help water it and feed it and untangle the roots like you do so well…" Meredith trails off, hoping Addison will understand what she's offering and want to accept.

('Oh! She's saying this so she's giving me an invitation to come to her house more often' Addison finally lets it sink in. Wow, that's so clever and shy and beautiful and 'oh, so, Meredith'...)

('Right, so you're gonna say yes, right? To the plant?')

('Right! Alright brain, let me participate now in the actual conversation!')

"I'd love to, ah, take care of your plant with you. I'll help you water it and feed it and untangle the roots with you and for you whenever you need me to," Addison smiles at her.

Meredith looks visibly relieved at this, knowing Addison wants to be a bigger part of - (ahem) - her potted plant's life - (and in turn, her own!).

"Here, I'll get that plant food out, I'm a bit taller," Addison jumps up, reaching high on the shelf where they'd stored it the other day after picking up Thai food and rushing off to the hospital before it all got cold.

Meredith watches with happiness and interest as Addison extends her long body all the way to her tiptoes to pull the box out.

She's still taller than Meredith, by a half-a-foot at least, but she's shorter than usual without her high heels on.

And she's still the formidable enigma that Addison has always been to her.

She's got luscious curves, a generous shape. Legs that go for miles and miles… An upper-body that's toned and hair is just magical…

Meredith purrs a bit to herself while admiring Addison.

She's just about staring at Addison's ass again as Addison gets the final box off of the shelf and moves away from the shelf to put it alongside the counter.

"I can feel you staring, it's alright though, I think I really like it" Addison smiles at Meredith.

"What can I say? You're amazing to watch," Meredith's voice doesn't even catch one little bit, and Addison is extremely impressed at this.

"Ah, as are you, Meredith," Addison says with a happy sigh and a subconscious lick of her lips.

"I was watching you the entire time in the car rides tonight. Just watching you driving my car…" Addison blushes as she realizes she's embarrassing herself.

"You don't have to be embarrassed at all, I really do love it. But then again, maybe the slight embarrassment is worth it just to see you blush all pretty like that," Meredith grins.

"Mm, you are the one who is pretty when you blush."

"Oh yeah?" Meredith challenges.

"What are you gonna do to make me blush?" Meredith says.

"Hmm, well, I'm going to let myself stare at your chest and not feel one bit guilty about it, now that we are on a date," Addison husks.

"You felt guilty about staring at my boobs before we were dating?" Meredith questions, surprised.

"Well, yeah," Addison says. "Why?" She asks Meredith.

"Well, now I feel like such a slut for staring at your fine ass at every opportunity since ever," Meredith smirks are her, evoking another blushing reaction from Addison.

"Well, it's different, I was married for the longest time," Addison reminds her.

"Right, staring at the mistress over your husband's shoulder, probably something that would make one feel guilty," Meredith laughs.

"I don't actually think of you as they mistress' because you really didn't know about me, then," Addison says to her gently.

"Does that turn you on though? Calling me 'Meredith the little Mistress'? Even a little bit?" Meredith narrows her eyes at Addison, who blushes profusely.

"Umm." Addison doesn't know a polite way to answer that.

"Mm, I am so winning at this whole blushing game…" Meredith purrs.

('Damn how did this twenty-something year old get such a good flirting game?' Addison wonders)

('She seduced your ex-husband who is probably gay' her thoughts deadpan to her.)

('Ugh, don't remind me of Derek, I'm SO over him' Addison thinks at her thoughts)

('Do you have a clever comeback for me? Brain come ON!' Addison yells at herself internally.)

('How about back to the basics of complimenting her again' her thoughts suggest to her…)

"You know, you really do look nice in that top," Addison husks confidently, lowering her voice.

That, at least, raises a pink color to Meredith's cheeks.

The small win makes Addison smile smugly as Meredith's mouth opens at a loss for words for a second.

Her blue eyes darken a shade and in turn, Addison's eyes darken as well.

"You do know how to treat a lady, look at you, learning quickly," Meredith grins.

"Learning from one and only," Addison snaps right back at her, proud at having a quick and witty comeback.

"Ah, and she's ever so smart, isn't she…" Meredith husks now, complimenting Addison in the third person.

Normally, the objectification would be maddening. But the words falling from Meredith's lips are undeniably sexy.

"Why don't we feed the plant, before we forget," Addison suggests.

(Because SHE might forget if Meredith keeps flirting so hard.)

"Good idea, says Meredith, smiling as she rips the tab off of the plant food and reads the instructions.

Addison watches as she bites her lip just a tiny bit as she reads, and she finds it very cute, and very Meredith.

"Okay, so we mix it with water, and water the plant, and mix in the soil," Meredith reads aloud for Addison once she understands the directions.

Addison moves to get the water, and Meredith grabs a measuring cup.

They prepare the mixture and Meredith pours in the water as Addison mixes up the soil all around the roots.

It's a nice moment, all domestic and homey. Addison never considered herself much of a homemaker before.

Her mother would have loved for her to be a so-called 'trophy wife'. But Addison was focused on her career, and she was happy with that.

But now, with Meredith, she enjoyed this activity and the way Meredith was sharing the part of her life - her potted plant - with her.

It was as if they were creating life and keeping it going. Reinvigorating, rekindling, reigniting…

Addison thinks of a million adjectives to describe the feeling, but she fails to find the right one.

And she stops thinking so hard when she sees Meredith just watching her.

"Your hands are so talented and gentle and precise. I want to have surgeon hands, just like you," Meredith says to her.

"You will, Grey. You will," Addison promises, in a professional assessment but also in the assessment of Meredith's character to work hard for what she wants.

"It's good that we're feeding this plant. The poor thing hasn't had any nourishment since before that day we both knocked it over. I'm not sure when before it, but it's been a while. I know plants are resilient, but still, I hate to neglect it, even by accident," Meredith sighs as she places the measuring cup on the counter.

"Do you feel guilty about asking me to leave it that night?" Addison asks her, somehow sensing she remembers it.

"I didn't want to trouble you more than you already did for me," Meredith explains to her.

"It wasn't a problem. I just saw it there and it looked all bent and bruised and hurt and alone and I just…"

Addison almost tears up at the memory but stops herself first.

"You didn't want it to end up forgotten, in plain sight, in the house. Trampled over, knocked over, but in plain sight and ignored..." Meredith finishes this for Addison.

"I-" Addison stutters because she locks eyes with Meredith, who has… Some kind of unreadable expression in her eyes.

"You didn't want me to end up forgotten, that's why you came to the bar that night. You didn't want me to become like you were," Meredith finally says it, and Addison starts to quiver again.

"You know, that first time, when I told you 'good girl' for not taking Derek back, I guess, I promise I wasn't thinking about wanting him for myself. I didn't know all that much about you, but I didn't want him to not fully love you like he didn't fully love me," Addison says softly.

"I know. I figured that out when you stood up for me on that first day. When you said to that patient 'I don't have the class or patience that Doctor Grey has, so let me set the record straight; My husband didn't cheat on me, I cheated on him, so the wronged woman here- is Doctor Grey," Meredith quotes that from memory.

"I don't think I could recite that speech myself again," Addison says, rather bewildered.

"I never forgot that. I never forgot what you said. I didn't know you well enough to bring it up until now, and I never thanked you for it properly. So thank-you," Meredith says looking up.

"And thank you, you know, for offering me that seat next to you. You didn't have to do that part, either. I know I seem like the 'hero' in the story here, but if I hadn't found you to drink with that night, I had no one in Seattle, and I might have gone home with who-knows-who," Addison sighs.

"Well, I'm glad you never ended up with someone more cute than me," Meredith says, lightening the mood a bit.

"I don't think I could have done better than you. I couldn't have…" Addison says honestly.

"You are so cute when you're complimenting me," Meredith says, bobbing Addison on the nose with the tip of her finger.

Addison wants to do the same but her fingers are covered in soil, so she just smiles up at Meredith.

"It's okay, you know. To need to need someone. To need someone to be there for you, too. It's okay,' Meredith says to Addison seriously.

"Thanks, Meredith," Addison tries to take those words to heart.

"I know you're used to taking care of people. I'm grateful for all you did for Derek for over a decade. I'm just saying, if you know, you're sticking around with me beyond our first-date thing, you don't have to do it all on your own again," Meredith says to her sweetly, now brushing Addison's shoulder.

"I'm terrified to accept help, because I'm scared I'll start to depend on it and it'll all go away. Not that I think that you'll leave me, but I'm scared it'll make me less strong," Addison admits to Meredith.

"Being taken care of and letting down your armor doesn't make you less strong, it just means you have more energy in your tank to give yourself and give others," Meredith says to her wisely.

"You know, when I saw the plant there, I was thinking about you, but I was thinking about me, too. I was thinking about how Derek would leave me in the house after a fight, and just look the other way," Addison finally digs deeper into her memory.

"I'm really sorry, you know. You didn't deserve that," Meredith, again, apologizes for sins that aren't hers.

"Thanks, Meredith," Addison says to her because she has nothing else to say to that.

"So I guess, if we're drawing the parallels here, you took care of the plant in the same way you'd take care of yourself, and me, despite someone saying to you that you didn't have to, just because you couldn't bear to see it so broken?" Meredith asks her, finally.

"I guess so. And look at the plant now, your- OUR- plant is flourishing. I was so happy to see it growing when we came to your house to pick up that cake.

"I guess I should have known, then, or could have had more of a hint that you were remembering things when you were in my house taking care of the plant, then. You just really were really staring at it a lot. I thought you were really into plants the first time, but then you weren't that into the other plants at the hospital, so I guess I never quite pieced it together," says Meredith.

"There were a million reasons I thought you'd have figured all of this out sooner, and each of them started to give me a heart attack and apaprently go pale as a ghost," Addison groans at herself.

"Hmm, well, mysteries are always easier to see clues in once you already know the answer. I thought for sure you'd have known I was your 'secret admirer' right away, but apparently you had doubts for a while," Meredith quips back.

"Yeah, I didn't think of you right away, I guess because I didn't think you would have needed to do things for me in secret if you were already flirting sort of overtly," Addison shrugs at her.

"Who knows, I guess I like to keep some secrets, too. Must be the dark & twisty thing with me," Meredith shrugs back at Addison.

"You know, the dark and twisty McMeredith thing really intrigues me. I guess I'm drawn to things that are darker. It makes me feel less insane," Addison says and realizes this might not make sense.

"I think it's stupid sometimes to admit how much that I'm drawn to your commanding voice in the O.R, but I am. I really, really am all the damn time. I watch you in surgeries and your commanding voice is so sexy. It's rather embarrassing how 'hot-for-teacher,' I am. And you are a very good teacher..." Meredith groans at herself out loud.

"Yeah, you kinda do have a type going on… You're into your superiors. You're into Attending physicians. You're into people once named 'Doctor Shepherd', apparently, even…" Addison laughs, and Meredith catches on and it's nice they can finally be light about how they once met.

"You know, Cristina once said the same thing to me, ages ago, in the gallery while I was watching you operate. She called you the 'She-Shepherd' and I said you wouldn't be the 'She-Shepherd' if you divorced the 'He-Shepherd' so she should lay off it. It got me thinking about it, though," Meredith laughs.

"Cristina is going to be horrendously smug that I ended up falling for you, for real," Addison exclaims once she realizes this.

"Oh, yeah. She's going to be awful, but to both of us. You'll see. She won't stop teasing us forEVER. But at least we can tease Cristina and Izzie together, right?" Meredith fishes again for Addison to confirm that they're going to go out more.

"Absolutely. You know, she said something about ship names and I think we should come up with one for them. But their names are a bit different so I don't know," Addison says.

"Yeah, it's difficult. Cristie? That sounds like a chip or a cookie. Crizzie?" Meredith tries.

"Izzina?" Addison starts with Izzie's name first. "Izza?" Addison tries omitting a lot of letters.

"Maybe we could start a fan poll, and see what Alex and George say," Meredith laughs at it all.

"Oh, god. What are people going to call us?" Addison groans loudly.

And Meredith tries not to physically jump for joy when Addison confirms implicitly that they're an 'us' for sure, for sure.

"Well, it's not for us to figure out, that's their problem," Meredith says to Addison.

"That is, if you're okay with us being… "A couple" or "girlfriends" or "partners" or "significant others" in public, I mean, I can understand if you want to keep it low-key given that you're an Attending and literally everyone always talks about us both all the damn time already, but I want you to know that I'm not ashamed about who I am, and I'm not ashamed I wanna BE WITH YOU, and if I can have you like this… I want the whole world to know…" Meredith smiles at Addison, now.

"I'd never be ashamed of you. I know it's going to look a little weird, I mean we could be a Seattle Grace Tabloid headline by now. "New York Bred neurosurgeon, Derek Cristopher Shepherd's ex-wife has begun dating his former ex-mistress/girlfriend Meredith, in the wake of their divorce from a marriage of 11 years which ended bitterly in separation due to Addison's adultery…" Addison announces to Meredith.

"Does that bother you? Do you want to keep 'us' a secret?" Meredith asks her, seriously, now.

"No, I don't, and I know maybe this is way too soon because we're not through our first date yet, but I don't want to see other people, and so even if we're going to move slowly with each other and explore this relationship further, I guess I'm asking already if you want to be… Exclusive…" Addison finally articulates clearly.

"Oh, definitely. We can go slow as you need to with the physical and emotional stuff, but exclusive for sure. The thought of you allowing someone else to hit on you drove me up the damn wall before, but now that we're dating it would make me punch someone out for real, probably." Meredith confirms to her.

"I promise I am good at commitment, Meredith, I mean I know my track record is sort of shit but I would never want to hurt you in the way I did Derek…" Addison says to her vulnerably.

"Oh, I'm going to make sure you never need to look anywhere else to get what you need from someone, emotionally or sexually. All I want is to please you and satisfy you, Addison. And I want to beat out Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd and whoever the hell you screwed before me." Meredith says all possessively, but again, in such a sweet and caring way.

"Okay, okay, okay, I get it, wow. Hot. Holy shit. Well, I guess that we can be… More than friends together, now, right?" Addison asks hopefully.

"Right," Meredith smiles up at Addison with a ten-gazillion-watt smile she reserves just for her.

"Right, and I mean, also I think the plant could use a rest from your working it's soil over and over," Meredith points to Addison's subconscious actions with a short laugh and hands Addison a paper towel to cover her hands while she walks to the sink.

"It looks much, much better than before," Meredith says as she watches the plant for a moment.

"I'm glad, it really does look like it's thriving now," Addison says with a smile.

"It sure does. I guess it gets weary and worn down when it is thirst and hungry and hasn't been fed for a while," Meredith says.

"I think it's more than the water and food. I think just being there, feeding it, I think it's nurturing its mind and soul, not just the body, or at least I like to think of it that way," Addison says philosophically.

"That's really, really sweet with the metaphors," Meredith smiles at her. "And I think there's more to it as well. It's good that you're thinking about it so much, I mean, we ARE sharing the potted plant now," Meredith grins.

Addison expertly raises her hands in the air, in the same way, she would in an O.R on the way to wash them, so she doesn't get soil on any other surface, and Meredith smiles at this familiar motion.

Meredith waits until Addison arrives at the sink before she presses her whole body into Addison's from behind, the same way she wanted to, ages ago, by the vending machines, and now she finally could.

"You know, I do love it when I see you getting your hands dirty," Meredith says to her in a sultry voice, as Addison feels Meredith's hot breath on her neck and the goosebumps run up her whole body before Meredith pulls back an inch.

"Mm, and I like to see you getting your hands wet," Addison comes up with this quickly and she's super proud of it and it shows all over her face.

"Mm, I bet you really, really do…" Meredith smiles into the flirting and continues to banter with Addison.

And Addison is really really enjoying the banter.

It's been so long since she's just… flirted with someone she's all but forgotten how.

"It's such a shame it's been so long since someone's had this much fun hitting on you," Meredith says to her sweetly, while also reading Addison's mind.

"I've missed it," Addison says plainly, and Meredith can see the heartbreak sear through Addison's eyes before she shuts her emotions away instinctively.

"You don't have to hide it from me, when you're hurting," Meredith says to her tenderly.

"Oh," Addison says, surprised that Meredith noticed that.

"Yeah," Meredith confirms the look that Addison had given her.

"You look a bit worn down, are you alright?" Meredith asks her tenderly again.

"Yeah, tired, I guess. Long day," Addison sighs, remembering the pressure of the surgeries.

"Here," Meredith offers, gesturing that she's going to give Addison a backrub.

"Don't say you don't like this, I know that you do," Meredith says, knowingly, of course.

She walks closer to Addison and lays her hands on her shoulders and starts rubbing the sore muscles of Addison's neck.

Addison sighs into the massage and closes her eyes as she feels the soft warmth of the water over her hands, and the warm touch of Meredith's fingers, carssing her bare tender flesh.

"Meredith, how do you feel about telling people about us? I have thoughts on it but I want to hear yours, first," Addison asks her as Meredith keeps up her massage.

"Well, I think we should come clean to the Chief. Derek didn't do that and Richard Webber got mad, but that was also because Derek was cheating on you and I didn't know that at the time, so I don't think he'll be as mad about you seeing me, now… He took it better when Bruke was seeing Cristina, and that never worked out for them but at least they were honest" Meredith begins.

"And we gotta tell Bailey, because she'll give me hell if she finds out through Izzie and Cristina that I'm seeing you, and you're seeing me and we never told her first. I think we should tell her, even before Richard Webber, because she's sort of like my mom who's not my mom and she deserves to know," Meredith says.

"And then Doctor Webber, because I do have to say we both have a lot to lose, professionally, I mean, if we don't come clean right away and get their approval," Addison says wisely.

"Yeah, I mean I don't wanna get you in trouble or anything… I mean, not professionally I mean, trouble in the bedroom, well, that's up to you if you're into that kind of stuff…" Meredith waggles her eyebrows at Addison all suggestively.

Addison bites her tongue to contain a moan at the thought, and Meredith starts imagining all the kinky sex things she's just going to have to show Addison.

After they come clean to their work, and once they get to that point in their relationship, of course.

"How are we gonna tell Derek about 'us'?" Meredith asks Addison, suddenly terrified.

"Umm," Addison says, a bit embarrassed. "I don't think he's going to be as surprised as you think," Addison starts to say.

"Oh, God, I mean I did tell him the other day that I fucked myself thinking of you," Meredith looks wide-eyed as she remembers this.

"Umm, he might have known before that, because the night I got a divorce I talked with him about having a crush on you," Addison says, blushing profusely again.

"Oh my God, really! I mean, that's very cute. I'm glad I wasn't the only one pining at that point. That makes me feel like so much less of a whore, Meredith says to her in relief.

"You were not the only one with a crush. If anything, I'm a bigger whore for having a thing for my ex-husband's dirty blonde lusty intern while I was still married to him," Addison groans.

What can I say, I have a thing for Doctor Shepherd's, and Doctor Shepherd's have a thing for me, too," Meredith says all mock-boastfully.

"If you ever meet any of Derek's siblings, I will have to warn them in advance of that fact, and make sure they don't get too attached to you," Addison says to her half-mockingly, but also seriously.

"Derek has siblings?" Meredith asks curiously. "I didn't even know that," Meredith shrugs.

"Oh, yeah. I guess I'm sorry he never told you that specifically. You'd like them, really, I think. I still consider them my sisters also, even now. There's Nancy and Liz and Kathleen and the baby Amelia. Four sisters, all doctors. So four more Doctor Shepherd's I'd have to worry myself over if you ever meet them and they're around you and like you," Addison says jokingly.

"Well, here's the thing, I don't think you gotta worry so much over that, because technically, I mean, I once had a thing for Doctor Shepherds'… But NOW I only have a thing for super-hot redhead double-board-certified-neonatal-and-fetal-OBGYN-surgeon-and-researcher Doctor Montgomery's… Meredith says as she brings her lips even closer to Addison's ear as she whispers this lowly.

"Well I am so, so glad that you said all of that so I don't have to worry about you ever meeting and subsequently falling for my brother, Archer Montgomery," Addison says with a laugh.

"I'm not gonna screw your brother on you, Addison. That would be weird…" Meredith promises.

"Good, and if you ever have any magical siblings appear out of nowhere, I promise I won't fall for them and/or screw them, ever, either," Addison says to Meredith reciprocally.

"I'm an only child?" Says Meredith.

"Well, just theoretically I mean. On principle. I mean, apparently these things kind-of happen to you, given that your boyfriend ended up having a previously nonexistent wife," Addison jokes with her.

"Yeah, right. But I feel like I'd know if I had like, a secret sister or two or three lying around, I mean, wouldn't I?" Meredith quirks.

"Probably," Addison concludes...

"I'm just telling you, you don't have to worry no matter what," Addison says to her sweetly with a bit of chuckle which Meredith eventually joins in on as their laughs fill the whole room with the happy sound...

"Good," Meredith accepts this answer from Addison. "Right back at 'ya."

"So we can tell the whole world after that? I can show you off to anyone and everyone, even eventually to my actual mother Ellis Grey and my actual father Thatcher Grey if you ever end up being at the same place at the same time with me and them?" Meredith asks her.

"Sure. And I get to show you off to all my friends, even the ones from LA and New York if you ever meet them, and to my mother Bizzy Forbes and my father 'The Captain' Montgomery if they ever come to town or we go on vacation, together," Addison promises her.

"Does your father have a name that isn't 'The Captain'?" Meredith asks her.

"If he does, I don't know it," Addison laughs.

"We have such strange parents," Meredith laughs.

"We do, you know that was the first thing we sort of bonded over that first night," Addison laughs.

"Right! Our mommy-issues talk!" Meredith remembers. "And the daddy-issues talk in the same bathroom at Joe's…" Meredith says to her.

"Okay, if we're going to keep the dating-vibe up and I'm not going to feel weird and ill about all of this, I'm gonna ask us to talk about other things than so-called 'mommy-issues' and 'daddy-issues' Addison asks her.

"And my uncle-Richard-shaped-issues we can't forget those!" Meredith jokes with her.

"Ah, I have my own Susan-Grant-shaped-issues, she was my lovely nanny growing up, she felt like family? I'm just trying to relate, and open up to you more about my life that's all," Addison laughs alongside her.

"Why don't we move this massage to somewhere cozier, and we can talk about us and not other people," Meredith finally asks Addison with a squeeze of Addison's triceps.

"That sounds like a fine idea, Meredith," Addison smiles into her reassuring squeeze.

And with that, Addison dries off her hands on the towel before Meredith leads her to sit down again on the chair with her knees hanging over the side of it so Meredith can press her whole front into Addison's back.

"Ohh," Addison calls out for Meredith as soon as she starts this.

Addison doesn't try as hard to contain the sounds that she's making, because they're alone now, and not in a scrub room, and she's not married, and she's on an actual date.

For all intents and purposes, feeding a plant is a weird sort of first-date but somehow it suits them. Them. They were becoming 'an item' now, not that Addison's heard anyone say it that way since she was a lot younger than now.

And Meredith's fingers are working their way into her back, and her thumbs are working circles around her tight knots.

And she just loves to be handled this way, especially by Meredith Grey.

Addison never wants Meredith to stop doing this, never wants her to stop taking her pain away.

Meredith takes a lot of Addison's pain away, these days, it seems.

"I can feel you thinking so hard," Meredith coos into her, bringing Addison back to the present.

"Mm, was just thinking about how nice your fingers feel on me," Addison says dreamily.

"Mm, I just love handling your body. You are definitely McHot," Meredith purrs.

"Who called me that first anyway?" Addison inquires.

Meredith pulls a bit on Addison's hair before she answers.

"Alex Karev. And George O'Malley agreed. But if you mention that to anyone ever again including to me I'll be really upset about it, because I wish I'd have come up with it first," Meredith grunts in a huff.

"Alright, easy McMeredith. No need to give me a bald spot at 39!" Addison exclaims at her.

"God, you're so hot I would have never guessed 39!" Meredith exclaims to her.

"You never knew that?" Addison says, rather surprised.

"It's not really polite to ask a woman's age. And I didn't want to be like 'hey Derek how old is your hot ex-wife because I want to know if it's socially appropriate for me to seduce her," Meredith laughs.

"We're lucky, half of 39 is 19.5 plus 7 is 26," Addison adds in her head.

"You really think that's a rule?" Meredith asks her.

"For sure. I added it up as soon as I knew how old YOU were," Addison shrugs, then blushes to realize what that implies.

"I'm so glad you solved a mathematics problem so you could seduce me, Meredith grins at Addison, rewarding her with a lovely deep massage of her trap muscles.

"Yeah, it was probably the easiest part of seducing you," Addison smiles and also sighs at all the Goddamnned other things she went through, mostly the self-denial and gay-panic parts.

"Are you still gay panicking on me?" Meredith asks her.

"Only a little. But it's more self-denial than anything about the whole girl-on-girl-thing, I've gotten used to that part," Addison assesses herself seriously.

"What is it? Is it the age thing? The you're-an-Attending-thing? The mutual ex-Derek thing? The 'you probably knew my mother and you know the Richard Webber' thing?" Meredith asks her, whilst grasping at straws.

"All of that, in a way, I guess," Addison sighs. "Though apparently the gay thing is coming more naturally to me than I thought…" Addison reflects out loud.

"Well, I'll tell you you're doing a great job at the gay thing so far, by the way. And I guess that my self-denial things with you are from feeling like a slut because I once seduced your husband, and I was literally ready to pounce on you the moment you signed your divorce papers. Plus you're learning with women so I want to go slow with you, which is hard because you're again, really hot," Meredith explains all of this while starting to rub Addison's ears with her thumbs.

"Oh, oh, that's really nice," Addison says, before she confirms to Meredith, "I promise I was listening to all that, I just really like having my ears handled."

"That's good, Addie, keep telling me what you like. Usually, I can feel it but it helps if you let me know, okay? And that's important if we're going to move forward," Meredith wisely.

"You know, I've never really talked like this with anyone about that. It's always just been a formulaic thing, that they - I mean Derek and Mark - did with me and I did with them and I never thought of it. I mean don't worry it was all consensual and all that wasn't a problem, it just wasn't the same, you know? I guess maybe for boys-and-girls you're supposed to just do what's expected of you but with women, I mean I know we're not there yet but I really don't know all that much and I'm glad we're talking because I want to be good for you and-" Addison rambles on and on and on.

"You, are SO CUTE when you ramble, you know," Meredith chuckles as she leans in, to nuzzle into Addison's neck with her chin.

"I said the same thing to you, that night. It's still true," Addison smiles at her.

"Mmhmm," Meredith hums as she keeps rubbing circles on Addison's back.

"Where are your roommates by the way? I love them, I really do but I don't know how I feel about them crashing our first date," Addison grimaces, not wanting to offend Meredith, or her friends because it IS their house, too.

"Cristina and Izzie are at Cristina's, Alex and George are at Alex's," Meredith answers that easily. "I texted them earlier about it because I didn't know what was going to happen tonight, and I wanted to be prepared for different eventualities," Meredith shrugs.

"That's really sweet of you, to think of me- you- us- like that," Addison says to her.

"Well you've never been seduced by a woman before, so I wanna make it the best experience possible," Meredith says as if this were a simple thing, though Addison can tell it means more than any joke or a competition.

"Why do I feel like we're forgetting something...?" Addison wonders aloud to Meredith Grey.

"WE NEED TO CALL JOHN THE PATIENT!" Meredith exclaims back to Addison.

"RIGHT!" Addison says to her, as she pulls out her phone, and Meredith produces her copy of the blue on blue post-it note.

"You know, I kept that blue post-it note, the one that had my name on it. I want to frame it because I have your autograph and my name in your nice curly handwriting all in one," Meredith says to Addison, then.

"Why don't I have YOUR autograph?" Addison asks her.

"Well, if you still have those post-it notes I can give it to you," Meredith shrugs. "Also I do need to give that pen back to Cristina. I think she ordered it online and it is expensive," Meredith insists to her.

"Right, we'll give Cristina her pen back," Addison says with a chuckle as she dials the number.

As she does this, she spies a text chain from a familiar number, before she hides these ones from Meredith's view.

Text Message, 21:06, Location, Seattle

Cardio Goddess to Skippy Gold

CARDIO GODDESS

[Yo, Skippy, enjoy your hot date. Hope you liked that Vietnamese food thank u for taking her there so I don't have to anymore.]

[You take care of our girl, Skippy. And also u totally owe me another handshake because I win you totally fell for Mer like I said you would like ages ago. Have fun but remember I will hunt you down in the dead of night if u break her heart.]

[Also u better be dressed if I ever go to that house again because I don't wanna go blind from seein' my boss between my best friend's bare thighs.]

[Goodnight Skippy. Don't need to call me back right now. I'm busy with MY girlfriend u know.]

[And if it was you who suggested Italian on Bank, thanks, you have good food know-how.]

[See u round, hopefully for some cool non-McVomit babies next time.]

[Also let Mer know if u want to move in, to my spare room, we can talk about it more later.]

[Bye.]

SKIPPY GOLD

[Have fun, thank you Cardiogoddess, see u round as well. No promises about the babies but I'll see what I can do 4 u because she really does like that restaurant. Hi to your gf. Night.]

[Ps. THIS DATE IS GOING GREAT IF YOU WERE WONDERING. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS SO KIND TO ME AND LET ME CO-PARENT HER POTTED PLANT WITH ME, I AM SO EXCITED.]

[About the room, I'm interested but we can talk about that when we're not both on a date.]

Skippy Gold marks all texts as "read" and mutes the conversation for 16 hours.

"Look I don't wanna pry in your business too much on your first date, just tell me that wasn't Mark or Derek you're answering RIGHT NOW and please don't lie to me," Meredith asks her tenderly.

"No, not a boy, not a past lover. Just a good friend checking in on me," Addison smiles at Meredith.

"If you want to text Cristina so she knows you're still safe you can," Addison offers gently, so Meredith won't be suspicious.

"Okay, good plan," Meredith says as she pulls out her phone, and Addison doesn't read over her shoulder to give Meredith equal privacy as she had let her have.

Text Message, 21:22, Location, Seattle

Meredith 'twisted sister' Grey to Cristina 'my person' Yang

MEREDITH GREY

[ADDISON IS AMAZING WE'RE ON AN ACTUAL DATE SHE SAID YES TO ME AND WE ARE HANGING OUT IN MY KITCHEN THANK YOU FOR LETTING US HAVE THE WHOLE HOUSE TO OURSELVES SHE IS SO NICE I AM SO HAPPY!]

[Ps. I'll give u your post-it notes and your pen so stop nagging me.]

[Bye have a good time with Izzie, hi from me and Addie.]

[Pps. I'll ask Addie again if she wants to be your roommate/]

Meredith Grey marks all texts as "read" and mutes the conversation for 16 hours.

"Is she doing well?" Addison asks Meredith, as if she hadn't just been texting Cristina, also.

"Yeah, she is. She's with Izzie I think," Meredith smiles.

"They're very sweet together. So different but it compliments well," Addison says.

"Yeah, you know what Cristina said to me once about them? Cristina makes Izzie feel smart and not just a 'pretty girl' who only has her looks. And Izzie makes Cristina feel attractive beyond her intelligence and career. It's a really cool thing," Meredith smiles.

"That's lovely," Addison adds. "Also, I've been thinking about being Cristina's roommate. How would you feel about that?" Addison asks her gently.

"Well, like I said it was both of our ideas. I think it would be really good for you. To move out of that hotel room, and she's a good friend of both of ours. I'll warn you, Cristina is very messy and that might drive you a bit wild sometimes. But she'll keep out of YOUR room so don't worry about that," Meredith continues.

"Are you still upset about-" Addison doesn't want to say it.

"Well, no. Not really. Only the time you called me 'not Cristina', but that being said, if you kiss her again then I might go ballistic," Meredith admits to her.

"I don't want to kiss Cristina again. Not just because of Izzie. Because… I don't…" Addison says.

('Not when I could be kissing YOU'… Addison doesn't say. But that's what she meant by that. And she hopes Meredith reads between the lines of fear and blame to notice…)

"I believe you," Meredith says breathlessly, in a way that Addison knows she knows she wants only HER.

('I can tell she's thinking of kissing me, she has that look in her eye now, the same one she had when she was seeing me naked…' Meredith thinks to herself. And that's enough proof for me…')

Addison and Meredith both look into their darkened eyes for a minute before clearing their lust to focus on the tasks at hand.

"So I think I'm going to sit down with Cristina and we'll talk about me moving in, and I think you're right, I think it will make me feel better," says Addison.

"And then we'll have a place to sneak off and make out when I visit Cristina and you're also there," Meredith says with a look of mischief, as if this had been part of her plan all along.

"Oh, shoot, I have a recent voicemail from Izzie, I better listen to that just in case," Meredith checks her phone, now, seeing the notification pop up that she must have missed, earlier, when her phone had been dead.

Addison realizes too late that this must be the message that SHE had left for Meredith on Izzie's phone that drunken night at Joe's when Meredith had left to go tend to the babies.

Addison doesn't remember all that she said but she knows she was super intoxicated, and she goes to stop Meredith with her words because she's probably going to be quite embarrassed, but she presses play before Addison can get the words out.

And she's actually quite happy when she sees the joyful tears form on Meredith's face at her drunken message...

"call me and let me know that you're safe, and I'm so sorry and I just want to talk to you because I do want to say yes to you to go on that date because that restaurant reeeeeeealy sounds something delicious. Nothing's gonna stop us now, and I really miss you Merediffffffffff!"

Addison plants her palm firmly into her face as she hears her completely slurring Meredith's name with an 'f' at the end of it as she didn't even know she drunkenly did until Meredith mentioned it earlier on that evening at Joe's.

"Oh. My. God." Addison exclaims as the message manager beeps to let them know that it's finally over. "I am so sorry, Meredith I didn't realize how hammered I was," Addison says wide-eyed and vulnerable again.

"It's so beautiful," Meredith gushes, as she goes to listen to it all over again, but she doesn't upon Addison's pleading request.

"Look, if you want to listen to my drunken confessions while you're alone, that's fine with me, but I don't really want to relive that pain," Addison asks for her mercy.

"You understand why I didn't kiss you that night, now, right?" Meredith finally smiles softly at her.

"Okay, yeah I totally understand why you didn't let me kiss you. I probably would have been a terrible kisser at the time while completely shit-faced," Addison groans out again.

"I highly doubt you would have been terrible if you ever could be a terrible kisser at all, because I highly doubt that. And I almost let you, you know, to be quite honest. I almost let you kiss me while your breath was hot on my neck and you were about to nibble my ear, and then I pressed my forehead to yours and you started to lean in before I pulled myself away from you," Meredith admits to her, finally, in case she doesn't fully remember what happened.

"God, apparently I'm still a horny teenager on Gin and Tonics," Addison rolls her eyes at herself.

"Don't worry, I'm totally there with you. Alcohol always makes everyone look kinda porny for me, and it's so much worse when the person is actually attractive like you are," Meredith explains to Addison, then.

"Yeah. Alcohol and really hot people is not a good combination if one wants to keep one's clothes on," Addison sighs, as if she's giving some worldly advice she realizes she's not even that good at following, herself, now.

"This is why I didn't let myself drink that night, not at all. I was on-call, sure. But even if I wasn't, I thought about drinking and I was excited about it but if I hadn't been on call and I had seen you drinking a bunch I wouldn't have had any alcohol because I wouldn't have trusted myself not to manhandle you," Meredith says in confession.

"Well, it's good to know the alcohol has a similar effect on the both of us, at least," Addison laughs.

"True," Meredith laughs along with her, as she puts her own phone away, now, and looks up at Addison's.

"Are you ready to call John-The-Patient now?" Addison asks Meredith, a bit reluctant to stop eyefucking Meredith Grey as she currently is, right now, after their previous conversation, but also knowing they need to do this before they completely forget to ever call him back like they promised they would.

"Sure am!" Meredith leans right into Addison, feeling as much of her skin as she can, enjoying her excuse to get close rather than put him on speakerphone.

Addison switches seats with Meredith, allowing her to sit down as she finally pressed 'call'.

They place the phone on the table, and Addison starts rubbing Meredith's shoulders and neck, in return for her own massage she received, as they call their cool friend from the hospital.

***** OUTGOING CALL TO JOHN-THE-PATIENT *****
***** INCOMING CALL FROM DOCTOR BOSS - ADDISON ADRIANNE FORBES MONTGOMERY *****

"Hello?" John's familiar voice answers the phone, and Meredith and Addison realize he didn't have their numbers already.

"JOHN!" Meredith and Addison exclaim to him happily.

"WELL IF IT ISN'T THE LOVELY LOLLIPOP LADIES, NOW HOW IS YOUR DATE GOING," John asks them bluntly, right to the point, as always.

"How did you know it's already officially a date?" Meredith asks him, accidentally confirming this fact for him as Addison nudges her to let her know this.

"Well, the fact that you both said my name together would have given that away," John chuckles.

"If you weren't on a date tonight, I would have probably received two very sad separate phone calls by now," John explains.

"I had my phone on loud all night, just in case," John offers to them.

"That's so sweet of you, John," Addison says to him right away.

"As I mentioned before, you two saved my life along with the others. It's the least I can offer, not that you need it, of course!" John says excitedly over the phone.

"So how did it go, Doctor Boss?" John asks openly now, knowing that if they are on a date then the truth must have come out.

"She knew already, SHE told ME," Addison admits to him.

"And how did you figure that out, Doctor Meredith?" John asks her in question.

"She was impossibly jealous when I turned down a girl who asked for my number at 7 Eleven like a week ago, and held my hand and pretended to be my girlfriend already when the storekeeper was hitting on me. But when I talked about the 'mystery man' she just winced at the 'man' part. There were other things. But mostly that," Meredith says in a grin.

"AND I HAVE A SECRET ADMIRER FOR A DATE TONIGHT!" Addison exclaims happily.

"Excellent, excellent sleuths you are. Well, I wouldn't expect any less of the folks who solved the 'case of the once-pregnant-not-pregnant-man' John explains with a smile that shows through even the phone call.

"And what about YOU?" Meredith asks, implying she wants to know about him and Raj and how Serenity is doing.

"Well, it's been lovely living with Serenity again, I lived here once when my partner was still alive, and I missed her when we lost touch. And Raj and I have been in touch, and we're likely going out as soon as my scars are healed. Luckily I need checkups anyhow at the hospital, so I can see him, then, and also pop by to see you, friends," John says.

"Yes, let us know, you have our pager numbers," Addison says to him.

"And I have a gift card for the coffee cart from Bailey, and a mug from Doctor Shepherd. Funny how these gifts ended up working together. And I listen to your CD every day!" John exclaims.

"Glad you like it," Meredith says to him, and hides a secret smile from Addison, knowing she'll probably get her own secret mixtape tomorrow.

"Oh, and the letter you wrote was lovely, Doctor Boss," John finally adds. And Addison hides a secret smile from Meredith, knowing she'll probably get her secret 'mystery letter' tomorrow.

"Well, I'll let you get back to each other's company. But let me just say if you're up for a secret gift for both of you from me for tonight, Doctor Meredith you might want to check Doctor Boss's white coat right pocket, underneath those blue post-it notes and that fancy blue pen of your friend's," John says cryptically before he says goodnight to them both, and they say goodnight to them both as they yell out a "THANK YOU, JOHN, WE MISS YOU!.

Addison hangs up the phone as Meredith runs over to the coat rack where Addison's coat is.

"Did he actually slip us a secret gift?" Addison asks her.

"OH. MY. GOD. HE DID HE TOTALLY DID!" Meredith exclaims as she reaches deep into Addison's pockets.

"What is it?" Addison asks, wondering what on earth it could possibly be.

In response, Meredith pulls out two hospital-grade lollipops John must have taken from the bucket in his room before he finally left it.

And low and behold, he knew them so well, as one of them is Cherry, and the other, is Vanilla.

Meredith prances over to Addison excitedly, placing the Vanilla lollipop in her palm, before unwrapping the Cherry one for herself.

Addison doesn't even ask if they should be eating these now. She unwraps her sucker and cannot wait for the sweet candy to careess her tongue and her lips.

Meredith, to her credit, succeeds at sticking the thing in her mouth before Addison gets there, and she moans audibly as soon as the red lollipop passes her lips.

"Mm," Meredith arches an eyebrow at Addison as she slides the whole thing into her mouth and out again.

"Is it as good as the last time, Grey?" Addison asks her, trying not to sound shaky as her eyes open wide.

"Much, much, better than both other times," Meredith continues to suck on her candy, motioning for Addison to start doing the same.

"Mm," Addison reacts to her own Vanilla lollipop. It has been hours since they'd had anything to eat, and the sweet treats were welcome on their lips and their tongues.

Addison is sitting in one of Meredith's chairs in the kitchen, now. This time her back is rested on the back of the chair, as one usually sits on chairs.

Meredith is sitting in the chair next to her, as she's leaning more and more into Addison's shoulder, to hear the delicious sounds Addison's mouth is making as she's swirling her tongue around the lollipop.

Addison is allowing Meredith to lean her head on her shoulder as Addison tucks her own head onto Meredith's as they lean on each other and lazily consume the delectable treats that are hospital lollipops.

Like many of the other things that have happened this very evening, this moment is so very 'them' and unique to their own circumstances.

Meredith's body curls into Addison's like a missing puzzle piece to her own. Addison welcomes the warmth of the smaller girl as she allows the hand that is not holding the lollipop in the mouth to rub on Meredith's thigh as Meredith sighs at the contact.

Meredith moves her own free hand to meet Addison's and cover hers. Addison senses this and flips her palm so they can hold hands as they sit there.

Just as the first time they held hands in the 7 Eleven, the sensation is completely electric. When combined with the head and neck and shoulder contact, there is a buzz of something sweet and caring, and also sensual.

Tongues swirl around suckers, Addison is moaning occasionally. Meredith is as well.

They no longer need to pretend that it's all innocent.

They know exactly what they are doing for each other, and they're no longer holding back a bit.

Meredith looks up at Addison with her head still resting on the taller woman's shoulder. She's smiling up as if she's in awe she's allowed to be this close to her, finally.

And Addison is looking at her endearingly as if she's in awe she's been chosen so fervently by someone who cares about her so much.

It's peaceful, soothing, really.

And at the same time, it's erotic.

It's alive, it's very alive.

The moment, now, it's building up to something.

It's leading up to the finale, to something they've been waiting for for a long time.

Meredith jokingly pretends to 'make out' with her lollipop, for Addison's benefit, just as she did that first time.

But this time, unlike the last time…

This time there's no one daring her but herself, and Addison's hungry eyes egging her on.

Addison can sense the lust in the air as she watches Meredith making popping sounds over that lollipop as it shrinks in size and starts dyeing Meredith's mouth Cherry red.

Addison is growing restless and hot in her skin as she feels Meredith holding her hand tighter and pressing both of their palms into her hip.

Meredith can see Addison all hot and wanting again, just like the first time she did this, the first time she discovered that Addison lusted over her, before Addison even fully understood it for herself.

Meredith can see how Addison's eyes are darkening even more, and she's sure if she were looking in a mirror right now, that hers would be showing the very same.

Meredith can inhale the vanilla from off of Addison's lollipop from where she's sitting so close to her. Combined with Addison's natural scent of brown sugar and spice, Meredith is overwhelmed with all senses of this very sexual being in front of her.

As she's mentioned before, Addison is a sex goddess and it's plain as day to see. And now this redhead is nuzzling her head into her hair and the vibrations from her groans as she devours the Vanilla lollipop with teeth and her tongue are reverberating through her entire being into Meredith's body, and it's making her shiver.

"Are you cold?" Addison feels her shiver and asks in a semi-curious, semi-concerned tone.

"Yes," Meredith smirks at her, and puts the sucker in her mouth and holds it in with her teeth as she crawls fully onto Addison's lap so Addison is cradling her against the back of her chair.

Luckily, the chairs are braced against the kitchen counter, so they won't be tipping over.

Meredith is draped like a princess inside of Addison's arms, and she continues to suckle her lollipop as Addison does hers, while holding the blonde girl for dear life.

The weight of Meredith's hips against Addison's own is increasing the pressure on Addison's lower body and the physical contact of their bodies pressed so close in this way is causing Addison's heart rate to accelerate even more.

Meredith can feel her heart as well as Addison's start to beat-beat-beat right out of their chests as she allows her hands to roam to Addison's shoulders and to cling around Addison's neck.

"Mm, mm," Addison moans out, appreciating Meredith's hands around her body but unable to speak with the sucker still inside of her mouth.

"Mmhmm," Meredith smirks in response, signaling she's enjoying Addison's arms draped all around her shoulders and waist, and Addison's head nuzzling into her softly.

Meredith can feel Addison Montgomery's chin against the tip-top of her head, and it makes her giggle as she feels she lays her head on Addison's collarbone as she slurps up the shrinking Cherry lollipop she still has inside of her mouth.

Addison nuzzles her even more, wrapping her arms tighter and clinging on to Meredith Grey for dear life as she holds onto reality, because this moment feels more than surreal. It's such a culmination and Addison has to pinch herself to make sure she's not dreaming this up…

"Addison are you hurting yourself!?" Meredith pulls out her sucker at once when she sees Addison pinching her own hands.

"No, I mean, I guess I'm pinching myself, but not in a self-harming way! I promise you, I don't do that, just so you know for sure… I would tell you if I did, by the way...I just wanted to make sure I'm not dreaming about this all happening. I don't want something amazing to happen and not remember it all when I wake up," Addison explains to Meredith's extremely concerned eyes, as she watches the expression soften into gentle relief.

"I think I'm dreaming, too. But not because I think I'm asleep, but I think it's too good to be true… Because I'm with YOU. I'm finally with you and just you, and you want me, and I want you back, and we're here in my kitchen and sucking on suckers and it's just…" Meredith rambles on and on as Addison looks at Meredith like she's 'The Sun...'

"It's just magic. It's magical, it's it. It's you, and it's me and... It's always you…" Addison starts to say. "It's always been you, for me. All along, I just didn't know it for the longest time, but now… It's not him, it's you. And I'm glad." Addison concludes as Meredith looks at Addison and decides that she's definitely no-longer-named-Shepherd, but she's still very much her 'Ms. McDreamy…'

"Okay, well I'm going to pinch myself now as well to make sure I'm not dreaming. And I don't self-harm either, and I'd tell you also, if I did…" Meredith promises and Addison smiles approvingly at this statement. Meredith pinches her hand and then says "ow" to herself as Addison laughs as she yelps at herself and finally Meredith says "I'm so, so, so glad I'm not dreaming and that I'm not making this up!"

"Yeah, I mean 'dream you' was probably extremely sexy, but I'm almost glad I don't remember it because then I get to experience 'real you' firsthand," Addison implies sexually.

"I had some pretty naughty dreams about you, too, you know," Meredith finally admits sheepishly to Addison. "I remember them, though, and I like to think of that sometimes, but it's nothing compared to YOU in real life," Meredith grins up at Addison.

"What did you dream about?" Addison asks her curiously.

"Ah-" Meredith blushes as she moves to just suck on her lollipop for a second to compose herself.

"Come on, Meredith. I mean you got to experience me screaming your name, as you say, so I think I can have the pleasure of hearing about your own sex dream about me!" Addison insists teasingly.

"How did you know it was a sexy dream?" Meredith quirks at her.

"You said 'naughty dream', Meredith, I don't know if there's another realistic interpretation," Addison teases.

"Right…" Meredith begins. "Well…" Meredith takes a deep breath before she starts to speak.

"I had a dream that after you tucked me in that time in the on-call-room bed that you-" Meredith begins before Addison cuts her off with a question.

"Wait, you were conscious all of the three times I tucked you in bed?" Addison asks her.

"Yeah, I mean I only remember the first time, like, now, though. The first time after that time when you tucked me in I was almost asleep and I kept pretending because I wanted to feel your warm hands swaddle me in a cacoon," Meredith smiles.

"You know, I really did like waking up in your arms with the blankets and your arms around me and your hands through my hair," Addison admits equally.

"Anyway, so I had a dream after you tucked me in. I heard you walk into the shower and I guess I fell asleep right before that. But I had a dream that you left the door open and I saw you naked and then I got all naked and you invited me into the shower and-" Meredith starts talking faster and faster and Addison says "whoa, take a breath, Grey," as she processes it all.

Meredith starts to continue as Addison groans audibly, suddenly hyper-aware that she's wet and turned on from all of Meredith's dirty talk.

"And then…?" Addison asks her breathlessly.

"And then I whispered into your ear that 'I had many, many, things in my mind," Meredith says to her lustfully. It's the truth, too.

"And then I promised you I could touch you even better than anyone ever has, ever before…" Meredith continues to recount her story as she feels herself growing hot and she feels Addison squirming beneath her.

"And then...?" Addison says in a shakier voice than before.

"And then I whispered your name, Addison, into your ear before I kissed your earlobe," Meredith whispers into Addison's earlobe, now.

"And then…?" Addison tries to keep her eyes from rolling to the back of her head in pleasure as Meredith keeps on describing her dream.

"And then I sucked on your earlobe and you moaned really loud…" Meredith breathes hot breaths onto Addison's ear, but she doesn't let her skin touch them, not yet.

"And then…?" Addison tries to keep her eyes from rolling to the back of her head in pleasure as Meredith keeps on describing her dream.

"And then I let my teeth graze your ear as I nibbled all over it. And you loved it so much that you whimpered. And then you put your hands on my hips and I put my arms around your neck," Meredith says as she ghosts her lips impossibly close to the back of Addison's neck, breathing hard into her, but never letting her lips touch her, at all.

"And then…?" Addison finally lets her eyes from roll to the back of her head involuntarily in pleasure as Meredith keeps on describing her dream.

"And then I latched my lips to your neck and I sucked hickeys on your pale, tender skin. And then I ran my hands up and down your wet naked body…" Meredith says this as she ghosts her lips, right over, but without touching, the very very sensitive spot that Meredith had discovered the other day when massaging Addison's neck for the first time. The spot right behind her left her about an inch below her hairline that ended up sending Addison into a tailspin...

"And then…?" Addison moans out her words now, eyes pressed shut, head thrown back, head and neck extending, trying to bring her body closer to Meredith's wide-open lips…

"And then I woke up." Meredith deadpans with a smirk, moving away from Addison completely and sitting on her own chair as Addison's eyes fly open in shock.

"Wait, what, really? That's it? What the hell, Grey!" Addison asks her, suddenly extremely disappointed and not doing a good job of hiding it, at all, either.

"That's it! I swear, after that, I woke up and you walked out of the shower fully covered in a towel and left and I was just in a state of shock until I heard the door close behind me and you were long gone," Meredith shrugs at her, but with a wicked grin on her face.

"SERIOUSLY?!" Addison says to her, waving her arms in the air wildly, obviously implying she's incredulous about the fact that Meredith never touched her just then after she'd ghosted over all Addison's soft spots on her neck and ears without actually latching on, anywhere.

Addison's panties are now completely sticky and coated with arousal, she's so wet and swollen and Meredith had not at all touched her yet with her lips, and Addison's sexual frustrations were working her way into her words as she keeps yelling 'SERIOUSLY' just like Izzie does all the time when she's upset about anything.

"Well, it looks like you are fitting right in with my MAGIC-al intern friends, seeing as you're talking just like us, right now," Meredith smirks, as Addison glares at her frustratedly, trying to reach for Meredith's hands again, but she has them both securely on her damn lollipop now, and she's sucking on it as if nothing had happened between them at all.

"Come, ON, Grey, I probably gave you a live-porno show with the way I probably talked about you in my damn sleep and you've got nothing better that those like ten-sentences about your wet dream about me," Addison says to Meredith in mock-offense.

"Okay, you win. There's more, it's just not about the dream anymore, it's about what happened with me, after that," says Meredith quizzically.

"Now I'm not following?" Addison asks, as Meredith chuckles at how damn innocent Addison can be on occasion.

"Don't you remember how I was saying about how I 'touched myself' thinking about you, after that?" Meredith inquires, seriously wondering if Addison has some sort of unusual amnesia.

"Oh, right. You did mention that!" Addison exclaims, excited that she's remembered that, but of course, because she, at 39, apparently still doesn't masturbate like a normal person, has no idea why this is relevant, even though she's sort of turned-on at the thought.

"Why do you always seem weird when I talk about 'touching myself' or you 'touching yourself', sexually, I mean?" Meredith eventually asks her directly, because she's been wondering this for awhile, she's just never felt she could ask it until they were actually dating each other.

"Umm, I just, don't do that, that's all. I don't have a problem, I just never thought about it. I never learned, it never occurred to me, and whenever I'd have to take care of myself with my sexual urges I just took a really cold shower," Addison shrugs.

"Is that what you did that night?" Meredith asks her, curious to see if Addison had been turned on by her, that night.

"Yeah," Addison says, a bit sheepishly, even though she knows Meredith will love hearing this.

"Wow. That cold water sounds like it totally sucks. I mean, it's probably effective but wow. I'm impressed by your willpower. Mind over matter or something like that," Meredith raises her eyebrows at Addison.

"Why, what's your magical solution, anyway?" Addison asks Meredith curiously.

"Okay, well, first of all, I'm just going to say this once, because otherwise, I'll just say it later, but I'm going to make fun of you know because you are a vagina doctor who doesn't know how to self-pleasure her own damn vagina," Meredith says to her teasingly.

"Well, my mother was never going to talk to me about the subject, and neither was Susan Grant, and Naomi was always so secretive about talking about sex, so it never came up between us, because we were both married pretty early and all friends together, and I didn't have a lot of other close friends who are female, other than Savvy, and she never gave me instructions or told me about it, so…" Addison trails off as she shrugs at Meredith pointedly.

"Oh, you poor thing. All these years in a sexless marriage and you never had orgasms?" Meredith says in alarm.

"Well, I mean, I sometimes did, they were just…" Addison trails off as she doesn't want to say it just yet.

"They were just adulterously acquired?" Meredith rolls her eyes teasingly at Addison's shyness because she'd already heard that whole story from Derek about Mark, so it's not like it's news to her.

"Yeah. I got desperate at the end of it," Addison says sheepishly, as Meredith simply licks her lips after hearing about Addison's apparently impressive and insatiable sexual appetite.

"Wow, okay, well we're adding THAT to the top of the list of 'things to teach Addison about sex' once we get there because I really don't want you to go all crazy like that ever again," Meredith says to Addison, casually.

"I swear, Meredith, I really don't want to cheat on you, ever. It hurt Derek so damn much, and it hurt me, too. I hate myself every day for it and I would never want to put you through that, no matter what-" Addison tries to explain this.

"Oh, Addie, I didn't want to imply that at all, I know you don't wanna be a go-to-girl for adultery at all, I know you want that part of your life to be over, I didn't want to make you feel guilty. I just wanted to say that I want you to be able to make yourself come by yourself sometime soon so I don't have to worry about you being so pent-up and upset," Meredith says to Addison, soothingly.

"That's such a surprisingly sweet thing you just said to me, how do you even do that? I mean to say something so fitting while even calling me a cheater all in the same sentence?" Addison wonders at Meredith.

"Cheating is an action that happened, you did it WITH Mark, because he's not innocent, either, here, but he's not 100% liable because it was both of you. Either way, it's your past. It's basically ancient history, now. You can leave that behind in New York and just start over here. Like I said, you're moving on, you're probably gonna move in with my friend, and you're starting to date me, and we can both have a new life that's happier than before," Meredith says in a sweeping speech that moves Addison to shed a few happy tears.

"I give you my full permission to punch Mark for me if you ever meet him," Addison says with a groan.

"Oh, I definitely wanna punch Mark out if I meet him. Just to defend all your honor or something, and because I hate that he slept with you. Plus, I mean, I get it, you know I get it. The cheating thing, or forbidden love or whatever. I mean you basically met me while I was still oogling over your husband even after I knew he was still your husband, then," Meredith shrugs up at Addison until they both burst out laughing and the irony all over again...

"You know, I think I knew, subconsciously, at least, the point where you stopped thinking about him and started thinking…" Addison stops before saying 'about me' because she doesn't want to sound self-involved.

"You can say it, ya know. Or I'll say it. You knew in your senses when I started crushing on you," Meredith grins up at Addison.

"Yeah, I think that I did," Addison says contentedly.

"I knew when you started to think of me, that way," Meredith smiles at Addison.

"You did?" Addison asks her.

"Addison," Meredith says her name with a compassionate tone.

"Addison, you may think you are and it's adorable, but you are NOT VERY SUBTLE, at all, when you're horny…" Meredith laughs as Addison's face turns a bright cherry red again.

"Oh, God," Addison groans, unsure of which of the many instances that Meredith could be talking about.

"The first time I knew, it was when John had given me that dare to lick the lollipop seductively, and you couldn't take your eyes off my tongue. You were gripping the seat with an iron fist with both hands, and when I leaned into you, your eyes were completely wild and animalistic," Meredith says as if this were her 'professional assessment.'

"Yeah, that was extremely hot, not gonna lie. I was panicking because it was the first time I ever fully realized I was having completely gay thoughts, I used to think I was straight, but then I guess I started to doubt myself, and I had no idea what to do with all the damn things you were making me feel… In my pants…" Addison concludes rather awkwardly, as she shuffles around in her seat.

"I'm very, very proud to have elicited that kind of reaction from you. I'm really glad that I was your gay awakening, and that it wasn't actually that kiss with Cristina," Meredith says very satisfied with herself.

"It was definitely you and only you. You can add that to the list of 'cool facts about you, Meredith'. That you became a closet-key for your current company, with a cherry lollipop and a smirk that I apparently really enjoy...

"Mhmm, and you can add to the list of 'cool facts about Addison that you were the first person who I ever felt like would ever say something to like "you are the most amazing OB-GYN I know who has fixed every vagina problem under the sun except like, her own," Meredith keeps smirking at Addison, because Addison just said she likes Meredith's smirk a lot.

"Hey, no need to rub it in!" Addison says to her.

"I think YOU need to rub it in, and that's the whole point!" Meredith just rolls her eyes at Addison in an over-exaggerated sarcasm, as if to say 'you're making it way, way too easy for me here', as Addison rolls her eyes right back at Meredith with a groan.

"So are you gonna finish that lollipop ever or what?" Addison changes the subject, knowing she's never going to win at this game.

"Mmhmm," Meredith grins at her, smacking her lips obnoxiously as she suckles the end of the Cherry lollipop right off of the stick and she moans as she lets it melt into her tongue.

"Alright, alright," Addison repeats the same with her own Vanilla lollipop, crunching the end bit right into her teeth.

After they've finished the candy, they're quietly sitting there for a moment, just enjoying each other's company, and being extremely grateful to be where they are…

And then Addison's mind starts to drift to Meredith's lips again.

And then Meredith's mind starts to drift to Addison's tongue again.

And then the both of them simultaneously start imagining what it would take to gather the courage to finally feel what the combination of Cherry and Vanilla and each other's mouthes tastes like...

"You wanna know a not-so-cool fact about me?" Meredith quirks up at Addison, now, finally being the brave one to break all the silence.

"Sure?" Addison wonders where Meredith is going with this, and hoping it's headed in the way that she's hoping for.

"Never have I ever kissed Addison Montgomery, but I really want to," Meredith says smoothly to her, mirroring the phrasing from the nonsensical games that they played in the patient's room, ages ago.

"Never have I ever kissed Meredith Grey, but I really want to," Addison mirrors back to her with bright green eyes. "And you're right, that's a not-so-cool fact about me, too…" Addison trails into what Meredith is saying.

"Wanna change my cooler fact about me to be 'Never have I ever wanted to kiss Addison Montgomery, and not stopped myself again?" Meredith says to her finally.

"Wanna change my cooler fact about me to be 'Never have I ever wanted to kiss Meredith Grey, and not stopped myself again?" Addison says to her right back immediately.

"That's my way of asking you, Addie… Now that we're like, more than friends together, and now that we're really far into a really great first date… Can I kiss you now?" Meredith says to her with big baby-blue open eyes to Addison, then.

"Yeah, I figured that's what you were asking… And I'm asking you, too, Mer, Can I kiss you now?" Addison says to her with big-forest-lush-green open eyes to Meredith, then.

"You may, Addison," Meredith confirms to Addison as she presses their foreheads together intimately.

"You may, Meredith," Adiddson confirms to Meredith as she presses their foreheads together intimately as well…

"I just can't wait to taste what your lips are like…" Meredith groans out and leans in so close Addison can feel Meredith's breath on hers.

Addison chokes out the moment she says this. And then she can't help but look into Meredith's big baby blues.

And Meredith is looking wide-eyed back at her too. And then there's another moment. A moment they've had seemingly many, many times, before…

Because this is, in many ways, a deja-vu moment. It's the same sort of moment they might have had in John-the-patient's room while playing that game of truth-or-dare.

But in another way, it really and truly isn't. This is an entirely new Addison and Meredith moment, altogether.

A moment when they both search in each other's souls to see if they want the same thing.

They look at each other with reference, with curiosity, with lust, with hope and loss and fear.

And they're terrified, because if the next moment does not live up to all of their desires,

Then they are no longer sure what would ever be possible. The world would just die.

Just go purely extinct and the both of them, Meredith and Addison, would just stop.

They would cease to even exist. They would never, ever, be them again.

They would never be the same with or without this, not after, either way.

And either way, they knew that they had to make a choice. Now or Never.

And the wanted, yearned for, longed for, NEEDED to know they would both think the same.

That they'd both pick each other.

That they'd both choose each other.

That they'd both LOVE one another.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

The words echoed in Meredith's ears as she remembered saying them to Derek.

And then she thinks now she has said those words to the very wrong person entirely.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

The words echoed in Addison's ears as she remembered Derek saying them to her.

Only they weren't even FOR her. They were reserved only for him. From Meredith.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

The words echoed in Meredith's ears as she vaguely remembered hearing them again,

But this time falling to her out of someone else's lips who she can't quite understand yet.

And she tries to soothe her aching brain but she feels all lightheaded and numb.

She feels like ten tonnes of tequila, she thinks she might be onto something now, but not quite.

"Pick me, choose me, love me"

Addison remembers mimicking Meredith back that night at the bar.

And now more than ever she wishes she'd meant it to her then, and that Derek was never a thing,

Only Meredith saying those words not through him, for him,

But directly to HER, as early as that fateful night… Or at the very least, that she'd say them to her, soon...

And the moment seems endless as the two of them feel trapped in eternity together.

They are staring at each other's eyes, each other's lips, each other's mouths.

And they are staring as if into each other their souls, into their minds, into their hearts.

And they think that they are finally drunk off anticipation enough to decide.

To make the decision for themselves and for each other.

To make the decision that will dictate their destiny.

"The Human life is made up of choices.

Yes or no?

In or out?

Up or down?

And then there are the choices that matter:

to love or hate,

to be a hero or to be a coward,

to fight or to give in, to live or die...

Live or die?

That's the important choice,

and it's not always in our hands.

Yes or no?

In or out?

Up or down?

Live or die?

Hero or coward?

Fight or give in?

I'll say it again,

to make sure you hear me:

The Human life is made up of choices.

Live or die?

That's the important choice…

and it's not always in our hands."

And just when Meredith and Addison both thought the decision was in their hands, it totally wasn't in each of their hands, separately, but instead, in both of their hands, yet together.

Because they are more than just "Meredith" and "Addison" now. They are "Meredith and Addison," as more than just friends. As a unit.

They are both separate entities, yet also fused as one.

And they feel like they are finding their 'one'.

They are deciding this moment, as one.

And before Addison could stop staring long enough to move a muscle,

Meredith does.

Meredith wordlessly pulls Addison back to her chair.

She pushes her way past the chair she had had earlier, occupied.

And she sits herself down right on top of her, she sits right down on Addison's lap, again.

And Addison mouthed an "I'm not at all sorry that I'm so into you, and I see that you're so into me..." at Meredith quickly,

Before Meredith turned her head around,

And brought a hand to Addison.

And she cupped her face.

She whispered:

"Not yet,

"Go"

And then,

Addison could feel her.

Addison could feel Meredith's lips on hers.

Addison could feel Meredith's mouth on hers, too.

Addison could feel how Meredith's lips moved when she moved on them.

Addison could feel how Meredith's throat groaned out when she kissed her more.

Addison could feel how Meredith's hands tightened up when Addison kissed just a little bit harder...

Addison could feel how Meredith's body shuddered when she gave it her all, gave her everything.

Even more than each of them has ever given anyone, even, in a kiss they had shared.

As if Meredith couldn't feel as well, the way that just and now, how nothing had ever been taken away.

Nothing could ever be taken away from what Addison and Meredith both thought that this moment finally had just been.

Their moment in front of no-one else in the room yet just for them, also.

The moment their desire was consummated finally.

The moment Addison came out, and tried.

The moment for MerAdd.

Their moment.

Finally.

Theirs.

"Ours." said Meredith to Addison, then.

"Ours." said Addison back to her, after.

And thank heavens that this time there was no 'Cristina's moment to slide in right in front of Meredith and kiss the hell out of her right there!'

This time there was no Meredith being beside herself furious at Cristina now who was, then, looking back at her empathetically.

This time there was no Cristina thinking Meredith was about to cry as she held her then held her hand.

This time, Meredith looks at her new girlfriend, Addison right in the eye. And she tells her. "I know" and that's it.

And at that moment, despite Meredith saying absolutely nothing else to her at all,

Addison understands.

Addison knew what Cristina had done FOR her, not against her. FOR Addison, not against her, all those ages ago. So that she could have this moment, this REAL first kiss, with Meredith, now.

Because Addison understands now what Meredith had come to understand long before her. That they are inevitable, and maybe they always had been.

Because Addison and Meredith are close now, but now Addison knows that Meredith is finally her partner, and not anybody else's.

So when Addison looks up at Meredith, no longer at all drunk and hurt, but euphoric and on top of the world!

Meredith looks Addison then, right in the eye. And she tells her. "I know" and that's it.

And Addison seems to understand from her too, that they'll talk about it after.

After Addison Montgomery, stops staring open-mouthed at Meredith Grey.

(Which Meredith is trying not to be sort of high-key really happy about)

And Addison stops trying to stop herself whooping at both of them in delight.

And they both stop cringing to themselves about how cheesy they are and then laughing in humor and lightness again.

And with that, Meredith senses that Addison needs some time to recover.

So she says to her "Thank You" and says that she really is very brave.

And Addison says "You're welcome, I'll get give you more kisses like that, or even better, soon"

And Meredith just smiles at them all and says "live while we're young."

And Addison says to Meredith, "you make me feel endlessly young again...".

And Meredith says to Addison, "you make me feel free like you wouldn't believe…"

And Addison pulls Meredith close again, she holds Meredith in her arms like she's always wanted to hold her.

She holds her tight and safe against her body, and she rocks her as Meredith closes her eyes and holds her back for the moment, as Addison rocks herself in her spot in the chair...

Because she's drunk on the high that comes from just the taste of Meredith's lips on hers, the Cherry and Vanillla and the Meredith and the Addison and the something… More, entirely.

The something that comes from two people caring so damn much about each other…

"Was I better than Cristina?" Meredith eventually looks up at Addison, eyes opening again looking at her quite sharply.

"Of course," Addison says to her simply.

"Was I-" Meredith winces before she tries to finish her question.

"You were better than Derek, don't worry," Addison laughs, guessing correctly.

"Was I-" Meredith tries to finish this one before Addison cuts her off all again.

"You were better than Mark Sloan, of course, you were," Addison chuckles at Meredith's questioning.

"Was I better than everyone else you ever kissed in your life," Meredith asks her quite boldly.

"Well, yeah. And I don't remember most of those people's names, because all my other kisses were when I was, I don't know, in high school and the only other one I can name is 'Skippy Gold' my high school prom date who liked Star Wars," Addison laughs at the memory.

"Hey, isn't he Cristina's like, third cousin or something?" Meredith remembers Cristina's very well executed lie, not knowing she was protecting Addison in the process, and Addison mumbles something like "maybe," to hope Meredith eventually moves on from this, and she does, to Addison's pure relief.

(She'll have that awkward conversation with Meredith, just a little later, she decides, to herself…)

"You were never with anyone else between Skippy Gold and Derek Shepherd?" Meredith asks Addison quizically, surprised that people weren't throwing themselves left and right at her now-girlfriend.

(Meredith REALLY likes saying that one, to herself, and out loud, and mostly, to Addison.)

"No, I guess I wasn't," Addison shrugs at Meredith. "We met in first-year med school, so there wasn't much of a time jump, there," Addison explains to her, then.

"But what about you in college? Didn't you go to Yale or something?" Meredith asks her.

"I guess I was too busy studying to date anyone," Addison shrugs at her, then.

"I don't think you wanna know about my years in College, by comparison," Meredith says to her, jokingly.

"Just tell me I was a better kisser than my ex-husband and I'll let you off the hook for all the others," Addison says to her, then.

"Oh, by far, for miles," Meredith says without an ounce of exaggeration.

"I forgive him for marrying you, I forgive him for chasing you. I almost want to forgive Mark for chasing you and fucking you behind Derek's back, you're so good a kisser," Meredith says to Addison, then.

"I forgave Derek in my head for fucking you the first day he met you, the moment I saw you all naked," Addison laughs at the memory.

"You know, you wanna make some better memories than all those lame ones? Because that one kiss was good, but I want some more before we call this night 'over' Meredith asks her with lust-filled eyes.

"Oh, absolutely," Addison almost jumps Meredith right then and there.

"I wanna make so many memories with you, Meredith Grey," Addison says to her sweetly.

"Ha- right. And then you'll leave me a note to say 'thanks for the memories' only hope you'll actually sign your real name, this time," Meredith quips at Addison, laughing.

"Right, and then you can leave me little 'secret admirer' tokens, and I'll know it's you because you're just so supportive like that," Addison retorts with more laughter.

"Everyone's gonna hate us at the hospital, even more than 'Me and Derek' or 'You and Derek' because we're so damn happy," Meredith says as she twirls Addison's hair in her fingers.

"Yeah, everyone's going to be jealous as hell at what we have with each other," Addison sighs as she smooths Meredith's curls behind her ears once again.

"Can I finally keep kissing you now, are you like, recovered enough that I can and you won't like, die from asphyxiation?" Meredith asks very seriously.

"Yes, I'll do my best not to smother myself on your lips, Meredith, Jesus, you really are 'dark and twisty' now aren't you," Addison says very seriously back.

And then the seriousness breaks and they're laughing again and the reverberation of their voices and sighs and their happiness is all through the house.

"I'm really, really happy with you," Meredith says to Addison, wanting her to know she feels lucky to have her.

"I'm really, really happy with you," Addison says to Meredith, wanting her to know she feels lucky to have her, as well.

"I'm gonna start kissing again," Meredith says as Addison nods.

Meredith nods at Addison to start kissing her back again.

And Addison does.

This time Meredith kisses Addison's lips with more energy, with more lust in their touches.

The first kisses were much more innocent than these ones. The first ones were 'test-runs'.

These ones, now, are the real deal. Meredith seals her lips to Addison's bottom lip.

She sucks on it, hard, and smirks when Addison moans right into her mouth.

Addison moves her hands to Meredith's back as she draws shapeless patterns around it.

Addison sucks on Meredith's top lip and adores how she tastes and she feels.

Meredith's lips are even softer than even Cristina's. Her lips feel made to fit hers.

Addison feels Meredith's tongue swipe over her bottom lip, and she parts hers, for her.

Meredith goes slow and gentle as she holds onto the back of Addison's neck, softly.

She ever so delicately slides her tongue into Addison's mouth, experimentally.

Before, they'd shared those closed-mouthed kisses. But now, this is a whole other thing.

Addison can feel Meredith's tongue in her mouth and it makes her moan obscenely.

Meredith smiles into Addison's sounds as she twirls the back of Addison's hair in her hands.

Addison moves her tongue into Meredith's and she receives a moan back from Meredith.

And they kiss and they kiss like they never, ever, want to ever let go of each other...

It's getting late when they finally do have to pull away from each other, desperate for air as they've deprived themselves of oxygen from making out for so long.

They sit in heavy breathing for a few moments as Addison pulls Meredith's head to her cheek and she nuzzles her into her chest.

Meredith snuggles herself into Addison's warm hug as she feels the beat-beat-beating of Addison's heart in time with her own.

Together they feel themselves regain their senses and come back to the world as they finally look into each other's eyes again.

This time, Addison is the first one to speak.

"This has been one the most amazing of first dates, Meredith. I really, really mean it," Addison says.

"That means so much coming from you, Addison. It's been amazing for me as well," Meredith agrees.

"I don't want it to be all over already, but God, looking at my watch now, it's been hours and hours and we both still have to work tomorrow," Addison sighs as she realizes how late it is.

"Right, and now you're gonna say something like 'I'm getting too old for this and you have pre-rounds at five-thirty AM?' of course," Meredith says, imitating Addison's voice quite successfully.

"Yeah and then you're gonna say something like 'you're not even that old, plus you're basically like, a 'cougar' now and that should freak people out but I find it sexy to picture you pounce' Addison says back to Meredith, also imitating Meredith's voice quite successfully.

"You know, I was so content when you stayed until I fell asleep that night after Joe's bar. I remember being all tucked in and safe and I remember you tucking my hair from my face," Meredith says to Addison sweetly.

"Ah, I'm glad it was a good night for you after all," Addison says to Meredith with a bit of a sigh coming off of her lips. "For me, I went back to my hotel room alone in another cab, I didn't know Seattle at the time so I just looked out the window like I was lost…" Addison begins.

Addison knows that Meredith, at this point, wouldn't want her to hold out on the details.

"I do want to know," Meredith presses her on like she thought she would.

"I remember checking into the Archfield again, riding the elevator up," Addison continues. "Twenty-two stories up, thinking about you the whole time, rubbing your key on my thumb, wondering if you'd be alright the next morning," Addison smiles at that part, and Meredith does eventually, too.

"I remember I had a bath that night, and it's the first time I really allowed myself to hate Derek a bit, especially for what he did to you, much less what he did to me, even if I still loved him at that point in time," Addison sighs, and Meredith finds Addison's hand and holds it and gives her a reassuring squeeze to get her though these parts.

"And I remember crying myself to sleep, wondering if I'd ever find somebody to love me again, if I would ever love myself enough to let anyone love me again, if I'd ever mend the broken-bottle-pieces of my spliced-up soul that I felt had been ripped out of my chest like a knife…" Addison says, flinching herself and feeling Meredith wince at her harsh words to herself.

"I remember feeling envious of you, that you had me as this 'knight in shining… whatever' person to catch you, even though I didn't call it that term, at the time,'' Addison said.

"I thought I was still leaving Seattle, at that point. I never knew I would have a real reason to stay. But I guess that I never left, I never wanted to leave. And then you didn't remember that night, and I was leaving Derek anyhow, and we got close, and we started on this path. And I never knew that our broken-bottle-pieces of us would somehow seek recognition in each other, but I think that they did. I think that's how I connected with you, how I needed you, even then, above anyone else," Addison finally finishes her thoughts on this.

"I remember feeling lucky, but did you feel lucky, at all?" Meredith asks Addison carefully.

"I think I did, in retrospect," Addison says to her. "When I finally talked with Derek about that night, I realized how, in taking care of you, then, that I was doing something familiar for someone who truly deserved it, and hadn't had it. And if I hadn't had you motion to sit with me, I could have rebounded with anyone else, or no one else and got blackout drunk at the bar as well," Addison says to Meredith with a sigh.

"You made me laugh, Meredith. You were the first person after Derek and Mark to make me laugh like that. And you were the first person, ever, to call me only 'Montgomery' after I left him," Addison concludes finally.

"I wanted to call you Addison, at the time, but you were like, my new boss and my ex-boyfriend's ex-wife at the time and it was all new, I didn't feel I had the right to so I called you 'Montgomery' Meredith laughs at the memory.

"You know, I really would like to have a nice nickname, for you, that no one else ever calls you," Addison says to Meredith now.

"You already call me 'Meredif' when you're drunk. You could call me that while you're sober, but people might think you're actually alcoholic," Meredith says with a laugh.

"I called you 'kid' once, but I don't know if you like that," Addison asks her.

"I liked it when you called me that, I kinda want to call you 'Addie', but Derek called you that. And Cristina and my intern friends call me 'Mer' which you do sometimes, and you still can, but I see what you mean it's not really original," Meredith says to her.

"It can't be 'Red' either, that's what Mark's staked his claim on," Addison says absently, before kissing Meredith on the lips once more to stop her from pouting at the mentioning of Mark's name.

"Okay, well then I'm going to tell you that my ex-girlfriend Sadie and I were called 'death' and 'die', which I know is ruthlessly morbid, and probably even more funny now that she works in a morgue Meredith laughs. But don't worry, I don't talk to her all the time and we're never gonna get back together. I just know that because she called me like, one time ages ago," Meredith says.

"Can I call you 'sugar'? It's just… Sweet… Like you?" Addison finally asks her.

"Sure, as long as I can call you 'spice' Meredith says back to her.

"Okay, but no jokes about being the 'spice girls' Addison insists to her, gently.

"I wasn't but I am totally gonna make them all, now," Meredith grins up at Addison.

"Alright, Sugar. Do you want me to help you get ready for work tomorrow, like a good 'house-spice'?" Addison tries out her own nickname.

"Yeah," Meredith says with a sigh, accepting any more time with Addison she can get.

It's been practically all day long, but all of the nights and all of the days don't seem like enough, when she could be spending her minutes with Addison.

"You know," Meredith begins a thought as she lets Addison pack her lunch in a Tupperware, which she's grateful for because Izzie usually does this, and Izzie's off at Cristina's and Meredith is terrible at cooking.

"You know?" Addison gimmicks as she helps fix back Meredith's kitchen to something that looks more like a dining area than a place where two horny people just finished kissing each other like happy kittens for the past, at least, hour-and-a-half.

"You know, I feel like I'm like the plant that just got fed and nursed back to health from your kisses," Meredith finally says out loud, realizing the absurdity of her loose-hanging metaphor.

"You know, I get that. I feel the same way. Kissing someone you've wanted to kiss for like, ages does that to a person who hasn't been kissed since Seattle," Addison smiles at Meredith.

"Do you have the address to that hotel - what is it? The Archfield… Meredith asks her, pulling up her phone with a GPS.

"Oh, yeah, let me get it for you," Addison goes to find her own phone to read it out for Meredith, who types it in as Addison reads it.

"So, I guess this is goodnight then, Meredith says to her softly.

"I guess it is," Addison says to her back.

And they stare longingly into each other's eyes again, before they finally cave and put their phones down and pull each other into another set of kisses again.

It's more than a typical first-date goodnight kiss. It's a bit of a frenzy, actually.

Meredith nibbles on Addison's bottom lip and Addison sticks her tongue down Meredith's throat.

They're rougher and edgier than they were before, seeking every inch of their mouths to devour before they have to part of the evening.

Addison purrs as Meredith to her neck, now, as she places hot open-mouthed kisses all down past her jawline.

"Do you care if I leave marks?" Meredith pulls away, asking her before she starts in with her teeth like she wants to.

"Yeah, I'll just wear that damn scarf," Addison says breathlessly, because the moment Meredith mentions giving her hickeys she can't resist any longer.

So Meredith starts in with the suckling on Addison's neck, as Addison weaves her hands all the way through Meredith's hair and pulls it a bit as she feels the sensations exploding around her.

"Oh, shit, Meredith," Addison swears as she zones in on Addison's pulse point and backs Addison into the counter.

"God, your skin tastes delicious," Meredith hums into Addison's neck as she roams higher to Addison's right ear.

She finally takes it into her mouth, as she's always wanted to and Addison swears again with a "Jesus, Meredith," as she slides her teeth smoothly along tender flesh.

Then she turns Addison around in a spin, and Addison doesn't understand why she would do this until she feels Meredith's hot breath on the back of her neck.

Meredith sucks on her other ear, as Addison grips onto the counter and moans out louder and louder.

"You have this sweet spot on your neck, here, I think.." Meredith teases the spot with her fingers to see if Addison will react to her, there.

And Addison does, bucking her hips against as she's facing the counter as Meredith plants her whole mouth there, taking it all in and then furiously surrounding the sweet spot with her tongue.

"Holy fuck," Addison swears even louder as Meredith sinks her teeth into the spot. And she's sure as hell going to have bruises there, but what a spot to have bruises because it's her favorite spot in the world above her shoulders she likes to be touched.

How Meredith found this so quickly she has absolutely no clue. Skippy Gold never, ever found it. It took Derek halfway into their marriage, and Mark until the last time they were with each other to notice.

And Meredith has her lips planted there, still suckling and kissing and kissing her more as her hands are on Addison's hips now and she's lapping the spot up with her tongue like she's eating an ice cream cone. And like hell on high water is Addison completely and totally at Meredith's mercy right now…

"Mm, I can see how much you like this, It really, really works for me how much you like this," Meredith pulls Addison's hair aside from her neck so she can continue treating every single inch with the same, returning to the sweet spot she's marked every once in a while.

And Addison keeps calling out for her. She's calling out her name like a whore, or a slut or whatever, because she's calling out "Meredith, Meredith, Meredith," like she did in her sleep as she came, and Meredith keeps making her make those sounds as she presses her hands into Addison's hips, and keeps circling her tongue on her neck.

Addison wants to reciprocate for Meredith, so she pulls away from Meredith just enough to spin herself around, and she fuses their lips together again. It's like ice and fire, all the fuel to their flames as they kiss hungrily and thirstily and with all the desire and destiny.

"Can I give you marks on your neck also?" Addison asks hopefully, as Meredith says 'yes' to her.

Meredith allows Addison to nibble on her lips, and move to suck on her jawline before giving Meredith a set of hickeys of her own. "I don't own any scarves," Meredith grins up at Addison expectantly. "I'll lend you one of mine," Addison says with a smirk as she continues to suck on Meredith's pulse point until Meredith finally starts groaning out her name.

"Addison, Addison, Addison," Meredith calls out for her as Addison nips on Meredith's neck and leaves teeny tiny bite marks as she tries her way to Meredith's earlobe.

She finally sinks her teeth in, the same way she almost had on at least two separate occasions when she'd also almost kissed Meredith before they were both really ready for it.

And she's so glad that she's waited for now, because now, Meredith, her new girlfriend started to grip onto her waist and her back kept moaning into her as she grinned like a Cheshire cat and kept up her tactics.

Addison eventually sucks on the other earlobe, discovering all this new expanse of the territory of what made Meredith react to her the most.

Addison eventually settled on Meredith's pulse point on her neck again, as she continued to bite it and lick it and suckle it until Meredith had a big purple bruise that she loves..

"I really like how people are gonna know that you're mine, Sugar" Addison growls as she keeps moving on.

"Mm, and people are going to know that you're mine, Spice," Meredith says to Addison as she grips tighter onto Addison's back.

They continue like this for a few minutes, before Meredith pulls Addison by the head to kiss her lips once again.

It's a beautiful moment, a really beautiful thing as their lips and their mouths move in harmony. There's no fight, there's no battle. There's no proving anyone is up or down or in or out or right or wrong.

It's just the two of them, Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey, finally holding each other like they want to, and they now finally, with each other safely in their arms tonight, they can just let themselves be…

"What have I done to deserve this," Addison asks Meredith when it's finally over, and they've stopped kissing now just to talk and hold each other close.

"What do you mean?" Meredith asks her, not quite fully understanding.

"What have I done to deserve this sweet- YOU," Addison says, quickly replacing her words before she said the 'love' part there, again, much, much, too early.

"Well, you asked me out, didn't you?" Meredith quips back, lazily tracing Addison's forearms with her thumbs and her fingers.

"Yeah, I guess I did, but I still can't believe how real this finally is," Addison says to Meredith back.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean you're all the way from Connecticut and you're basically a queen, I have no idea how I seduced you but now that I've succeeded I'm damn proud of myself," Meredith says up to her.

"And you're all the way from Boston, or Honover, or wherever. And we meet in Seattle after I leave New York, and all I can think is 'what have I done to deserve this' in a really positive way," Addison says, tracing the shape of Meredith's collarbone with the back of her knuckles, so softly.

"Ah, I'm thinking about it too. What have I done to deserve this, to deserve- YOU. But all in all, I don't think we have to hurt ourselves worrying over it. Meredith begs of Addison not to be all angsty all again.

"Let's just be us for a little while longer…" Addison finally says to her, and Meredith smiles at the words she once said.

"Just for a little while longer," Meredith tucks her head into Addison's chest, and hears the beat-beat-beating of their hearts now as one.

And she knows now, that everything will be alright for the both of them, for a little while longer…

"Meredith, it's uh, getting really, really late and I really should get going…" Addison finalls says, still soothing Meredith's head with her hands through her hair.

"You should, but will you stay with me?" Meredith finally asks her. She's been wanting to ask Addison this all night, but she's only now just gathered the resolve to say it.

"Grey…" Addison says with a sigh, testing all her willpower and her resolve. "You know that's not really a good idea, for a first date and all," Addison sighs because she really does want to stay over.

"Look, I just don't want you to have to go back to your hotel all alone like that first night," Meredith finally looks up right at Addison.

"That night you took me home, it was wonderful for me, and hard for you. And I want to make this night wonderful for you, even if it's hard for me. So I'm asking you to stay over, and you can stay in my room, and I'll just sleep in Izzie or George's room or on the couch or wherever so you don't have to feel all stressed out about it," Meredith says to her, finally.

"Oh, okay, that sounds much more reasonable, then, you know, us, umm-" Addison trails off, a bit embarassed by how much the sentence 'us in being in bed together' is flustering her.

"Yeah, I know. I get it, I really do. I wouldn't trust myself not to grope you all night if I were tucked under the covers with you. Your skin is magnetic for me and I definietely wouldn't be getting any sleep like that," Meredith laughs.

"Oh, I was thinking about how I'd probably…" Addison trails off before she says something like 'dry hump your body in my damn dreams until I come on your hip' because that's what she's thinking but she's not as brazen about talking about sex, yet like Meredith is.

"It's okay, I understand what you mean. I just want to take care of you this time, like you've done for me before. I just want to be the last person to kiss you goodnight, and see you in the morning again," Meredith says to Addison sweetly.

"Okay, I get it. That sounds really nice, Meredith," Addison says to her finally, and Meredith grins as she puts down the car keys she's hlding, placing them on the table, instead.

"Oh, you should really take all your keys back tomorrow, I mean, after the drive, if you let me drive your car into the hospital in the morning," Meredith says finally.

"Oh, and here are your house keys," Addison slips them out of her pocket, placing them on the table.

"You know, I really do love feeling your keys in my hand," Meredith sighs at the memory.

"I like it, too," Addison says. "I've liked it ever since the first time I stole your temporarily," Addison laughs.

"I think I have an idea, but I'm not gonna tell you until tomorrow, because it's a surprise," Meredith says.

"Oh, now I want to just know" Addison sighs at her exageratedly.

"You do not get to talk to me about wanting to know things, my 'mystery person'. My 'secret admirer' things were not as long and grueling as all the things you put me through, so can you let me have this one? You'll like it, you'll see," Meredith says to her sweetly.

"Yeah, okay. I'll let you have this one," Addison sighs into Meredith's bittersweet nothings.

"C'mere. Let's get you up to bed," Meredith offers, and Addison leans in with a laugh as Meredith half-stumbles-with, half-carries Addison up to her bedroom, even though they're not drunk and they're only pretending they need to.

"I almost fell up these stairs that first time," Addison laughs, and Meredith says she doesn't doubt it as she says "watch your step here" because she really does know this house, well.

And they make their way to Meredith's bedroom, which Addison now finds familiar as they set their stuff down.

Meredith sorts through her stuff to find an extra toothbrush and a face cloth for Addison, as both of them get ready for bed by the washroom sink.

"I won't make you sleep in your clothes unless you wanna, I'm getting pajamas out for you. You're really tall though so I'll get you long socks so your ankles don't get too cold," Meredith grins as Addison just laughs.

"Do you want to wear some of my underwear?" Meredith offers casually as Addison chokes at her question.

"Here," Meredith just hands her a pair and Addison tries not to combust at the implications of that.

Meredith turns around from Addison, changing in the same room, just from back on.

And Addison does the same for Meredith, when she puts Meredith's set of pajamas on.

Because, of course, they've both seen each other naked before, but that was pre-dating and pre-kissing and pre-now when they're all hot and horny from making out for three hours so they turn around so they don't start something they don't want to start with each other yet.

As Addison settles now, Meredith motions for her to get into Meredith's bed, and Meredith crawls in beside her just to cuddle for a bit, while Addison is already under the covers and Meredith is only on top of them, just to be safe.

"How about I read you a bedtime story, would you like that?" Addison offers, just to see Meredith smile.

And Meredith grins and nods vigorously, and realizes she never had kids books, only surgical manuals in her house. So Addison pulls out 'Winnie the Pooh" from a PDF she googled on her cell phone and starts reading aloud…

"Mm, you have a pretty reading voice, and I like that line, 'don't be sad it's over, smile because it happened' because that's how I feel about our date night tonight", Meredith smiles at her sweetly.

"Yeah, but that's not from 'Winnie the Pooh', that's from Dr. Seuss," Addison chuckles. "Ah, well, you have more university than me," Meredith teases, even though Addison didn't exactly learn that one in her master's degree.

Alright, well, I'm about to go to sleep now. Could you go get my purse though, Sugar? There's something in it I need by me to sleep," Addison asks of her, even though she's a little embarassed she has a security item at thirty-nine.

"Sure, Spice," Addison jumps up, fetching it for her after another quick peck on Addison's lips.

As Addison sits there, she realizes that their nicknames form the phrase 'sugar and spice it makes everything nice' and she smiles at this, hoping to remember to tell Meredith this in the morning.

When Meredith arrives with her purse, she's very intrigued to find out that Addison's security item is in fact.. An old pocket watch? That doesn't even seem to be moving…?

"I'll tell you something about something broken of mine, first, if you wanna work up to explaining it," Meredith offers, and Addison nods.

"My locker was struck today. Both the locks were broken, and I'm not reallly sure why… But what's weird is that I don't even think it's a bad sign. Weird, huh," Meredith shrugs.

"It's probably not a bad sign. I'll help you fix it tomorrow, I kind of might have been the one to injure them, myself," Addison says to her sheepishly.

"Somehow, I'm not even surprised, I sorta figured it was you, and I don't know why but I did," Meredith grins up at Addison to show she's not mad.

"You'll be okay, I promise, Mer. You'll be okay…." Addison soothes her...

And then, Meredith sits there curiously, waiting for Addison to explain it all, the thing about the pocket watch, which, she knows Addison by now, well enough she hopes that she will finally tell her…

Meanwhile, as she's waiting for Addison to talk again, Meredith shuts the lights off, at Addison's request and she comes nearer to her girlfriend by her bedside.

"You'll be okay, I promise Addie. You'll be okay…" Meredith soothes her.

And then, Meredith motions for Addison to go on and say what she wants to...

And Addison does.

"The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me to sleep tonight. Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time. And I am still waiting, though I still have my doubts. I am damaged, at best. Like you've already figured out."

Addison says quite poetically, and Meredith crawls onto the bed and starts cuddling into Addison again as she goes to keep talking, suddenly so open and vulnerable as she cuddles into Meredith in the dark.

And Addison suddenly feels a rush and culmnation of all of her emotions from the past few months. It's only now that she's finally officially with someone who she's really and truly letting in, to take care of her.

"I'm falling apart, barely breathing. With a broken heart. That's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you..."

Addison says all this to Meredith, finally letting herself go and crying and crying like she really needs to. And Meredith holds her even tighter as Addison whimpers each of these words out from her chest. And Addison pulls her closer and closer as if she'll drift away if she ever lets go…

And then Meredith starts to talk to Addison now, about how she is feeling, after having understood Addison's preocupation with her no-longer-ticking pocket watch. Meredith feels Addison's sobs and she starts wobbing herself, finally allowing herself to mourn all the heartbreatk and stress in her life recently, as she takes a deep breath to start speaking again...

"The broken locks were a warning, you got inside my head. I tried my best to be guarded, but I'm an open book instead. And I still see your reflection, inside of my eyes. They are looking for purpose, they are looking for life…"

Meredith says to Addison as she snuggles into her chest. Addison reaches out from the blankets to caress Meredith's hair as she starts to go on…

And both of them cling tighter and tigher to each other as Addison can now hear the beat-beat-beating of Meredith's chest against her own and she is endlessly soothed by the sound of it and Addison starts to explain…

"I'm hanging on, another day. Just to see what you will throw my way. And I'm hanging on, to the words you say. You say that I will, wil be okay…"

Tears stream down the both of their faces as they cling to life. They have survived the same man, the same heartbreak, the same turmoil in recent times and they have found solace in each other. And they are just now expressing to each other fully the loss that they have had, all those broken-bottle pieces of their spliced-up souls, all those invisible bruises they share that only they, alone, together can even begin to undestand…

"The broken lights on the freeway, left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, hadn't forgotten my way home…"

Meredith explains as she cries about something so little as the traffic thay they faced somewhere around the Archfield or maybe the overpass. And Addison brings her lips to Meredith's head and kisses her hairline to soothe in her cries.

Addison says to Meredith, as she holds her in her arms, for both Meredith's comfort as well as her own…

"So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you…"

Meredith says to Addison, repeating the last phrases in her head as she allows them to comfort her...

"I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on. Barely holding on to you..."

Addison repeats to Meredith, repeating the last phrases over and over until she eventually starts to drift off to a lullued state of consciouness.

Meredith starts to come back to herself as she soothes Addison's hair behind her ear and starts to tuck her into a swaddling caccoon the way Addison liked to do, for her, in the past.

"We accept the love we think we deserve," Meredith says to Addison softly.

"We accept the love we think we deserve," Addison says to Meredith softly.

"And I think I'm finally starting to accept that the love that you have to offer me, is something I think I can grow into trusting…" Meredith says tenderly to Addison.

"And I think I'm finally starting to accept that the love that you have to offer me, is something I think I can grow into trusting…" Addison repeats to Meredith, tenderly, back.

"Shh, sleepy sleepytime, now," Meredith coos at Addison, with her own words from that first night.

Meredith tucks the blankets over Addison's head so that Addison will say 'peekaboo' and Meredith just laughs and plants a kiss on her cheek, lovingly.

"It's been a long day, a really great day, one of those beautiful days. A really great day for the both of us," Meredith says to Addison with a sigh as she keeps stroking her fingertips lightly over Addison's cheek.

"Thank-you, Meredith…" Addison says as she difts off to dreamland…

And Meredith stays just for a little while, watching the rising and falling of Addison's tender breaths in her chest.

She waits because they both had said earlier they are 'falling apart, barely breathing' and she doesn't want to lose Addison, suddenly, as absurd as that is as a thought. Addison, at 39, and Meredith, at 26, are both the picture of health, luckily for the both of them.

Eventually, Meredith realizes that 'falling apart, barely breathing' is more of an expression than a literal interpretation, and she keeps running her hands in Addison's hair until she can start to hear her snore loudly, into the dark…

And then Meredith sits there and imagines for a second, what she would sit up and say to Addison if it weren't way too soon for her to be totally and stupidly in love with her…

She mouths these words to herself in the dark, just as she had mouthed many confessions to Addison the first time she fell asleep in her arms...

"You know, I never said it to you. I wanted to, but I never said it to you yet. And I think now it's time," Meredith imagines herself saying cryptically to Addison.

"You've never said what to me, Meredith?" She imagines Addison, answering her.

"Look, I know we know that this comes from somewhere on a television show, and I memorized it by now but we're just going to go with it no matter what and you're not gonna laugh, okay?" Meredith imagines making Addison promise.

"I promise, I promise you, I won't laugh or make fun, I promise," Meredith imagines Addison saying to her.

"Okay, here goes," Meredith takes a deep breath in real life, as she would if she were actually saying this, out loud, right now, even though she's just mouthing the words as Addison sleeps soundly in her bed beside her...

"Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery… Your name is way long and it made me laugh so damn much when I needed it. And I'm rambling because I'm working myself up for this… So, okay here it is. Your choice. It's simple. No me, or me. And I'm sure being alone or being with someone else in the universe is really great or could be really great or whatever."

"But Addie, I love you, in a really, really big – pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window – unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me…." Meredith takes a deep breath as she recovers from saying all that in one go, before she continues.

"I know you've heard that speech before from your then-husband and my then-boyfriend or not-boyfriend or who the fuck cares no because he's not important to me now, and YOU ARE, Addison. So I'm saying this TO YOU, FOR YOU, and ONLY YOU, now, even though I know it's way too damn early to be saying this to you on our first date but I just want, I just need to know you're all in before I actually sleep-with-you-sleep-with-you…"

"Because I want us to last, and I want to have everything with you. And I want to give you more than I've ever shared of myself with anyone ever before, including Derek, by a long shot. So pick me, choose me, love me, Addison. Because I'm all in this, if you are. I'm ready to try…"

Meredith finally finishes her speech off her lips, the words being formed soundlessly in the dark. And as Meredith drifts off to dreamland, all she can hope for, is that she'll soon have the chance to tell Addison these very words, aloud someday, and this time, for real...

And Meredith is happy, as she leaves Addison for a moment to make sure her front door is locked securely behind them.

She checks on the plant one more time, their now shared potted plant, which she gives one last watering to before she pats it goodnight.

She tucks Addison's coat back onto the coat rack, from where it had fallen off when she had gotten those lollipops out of her pocket.

She finds the bottle of aspirin, deciding to pour just one out for Addison, in case she felt worn down in the morning from staying up so late, and getting her a glass of water as well.

She leaves Addison a note with those blue post-it notes and Cristina's fancy blue pen, which she does sign a name to, even if it isn't 'her own'.

And Meredith allows her fingers to grace over Addison's car keys once more, twisting it until she snaps them to her own keyring once more because Addison promised she could drive in the morning.

She's feeling so much less empty than before as she knows Addison is safe in her room, and she won't be left in the cool night to stumble into her hotel room alone at the Archfield.

And Meredith is happy as she's thinking she's got someone one to tuck in tonight and to leave her a note on her kitchen table to say that she should take the at least one of the aspirin she's poured out from the bottle when she wakes up along with a tall glass of water she's poured into the glass from the sink.

Addison will find out also that she'll have her key back soon enough too; and that they are not stolen - (Merdith borrowed them...) and that they are simply borrowed for a short time- borrowed because she just doesn't want to leave Addison's car keys and office keys all unknowingly alone in the house after she failed to secure them in her own damn purse all throughout the night altogether.

Meredith checks on Addie one last time, tucking her into the covers one last time with her warm gentle hands, tucking a piece of Addison's hair behind her ear, and kissing her temple and whispering to her one last 'goodnight'.

Meredith tucks herself into bed in one of the spare rooms, texting Izzie that she'll change her sheets for her in the morning before putting her phone away and just lying there, in the dark, contently lying there, in reflection, after their super-awesome fun date.

And Meredith is happy because she's thinking she's got someone to hold and to tell her that she's sorry and to tell her that she's still desirable and that she'll stay for Addison as long as she needs for her to feel happy again.

And Meredith is happy because she's thinking she's maybe, probably, definietly found love for herself, again and she's given her past lovers away like she's given away sharp and broken bottle pieces of her sliced up soul, that she's finally letting go of to let new love in.

And Meredith Grey finally finds herself smiling and grinning herself to sleep for the second night in a row... Since she's sure as hell thinking that Addison Montgomery girl might just be starting to only even know how happy she's got it with her friends falling around her and for even her own generosity in ensuring that she's safe and sound through the very best night of her young life, so far.

Sure, they've been falling apart, barely breathing, from the pain and the heartbreak and loss..

But they're broken in the same ways, so they understand each other like nobody else in the world.

They're falling apart, barely breathing, holding on, holding on, holding on, barely holding onto each other...

And now that they've found each other, Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery are finally letting themselves have each other like they want to.

They're letting each other in, letting themselves love and be loved in the way they deserve to be loved.

They're falling apart, barely breathing, at times, but they are more alive with each other then thay have been until now.

They're falling apart, barely breathing, as they fall madly, and stupidly in love with each other, even as Addison Montgomery and Meredith Grey don't even know, just how far they have fallen in love, with each other, just yet… And they will very, very soon… :D

***** END OF THE VERY VERY REAL CHAPTER 40!

Author's note 2 for Chapter 40 of FABB…

With love, from yours, truly,

Allusions in this chapter are to "It's Always You" by WhatwouldagentScullydo

and "It's not him, It's you" by SassyKissMyAssy. These are other sweet works that I wanted to shout-out to before the main plot came to an end.

Thanks, and a longer author's note and analysis to follow!

Bobbiejelly

But first of all, here is all the Song Lyrics to "Broken" By Lifehouse, this Fanfiction's titual reference, and this Chapter 40's soundtrack. This has been in my head since the beginning…

Highly encourage googling this song, it appeared in Grey's in S4E11 "Lay Your Hands On Me".

It was the scene in the show where Elizabeth Archer helped heal Bailey's Baby, little Tuck.

Lifehouse Lyrics

"Broken"

The broken clock is a comfort

It helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow

From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting

Though I still have my doubts

I am damaged at best

Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain

There is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on

I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning

You got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded

I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection

Inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose

They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain (in the pain)

Is there healing

In your name (in your name)

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you will throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will, will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain (in the pain)

There is healing

In your name (in your name)

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

Season One: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

"Falling Apart, Barely Breathing", Season One consists of Chapters 1 through 40.

Its first episode is "Bring The Pain," the work's Pilot.

It's most successful, highest-rated episode (before this one, potentially) is Chapter 4: Let It Be

It's mid-season finale is Chapter 33: I Will Follow You Into The Dark

And It's two-part season finales are Chapters 39: Yesterday

& 40: What Have I Done To Deserve This

Season Summary:

Dr. Addison Montgomery and Dr. Meredith Grey both leave the man who hurt both of them.

They're each falling apart, barely breathing as the hit rock bottom hating themselves.

They rebuild themselves as people, picking up the broken-bottle pives of their spliced-up souls.

Both Addison and Meredith build a new life, a new career, and new frienships, here in Seattle.

And after their fateful meeting and a night in the bar together, they begin to fall madly in love again, and this time, with each other.

***** END OF SEASON ONE, OF 'FALLING APART, BARELY BREATHING" *****

READ ALONG IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTE TO STAY TUNED FOR INFO ABOUT SEASON 2!

Author's Note 2:

Congratulations! You've made it to the end of Season One of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing". This is in a lot of ways, an ending. It is the culmination of many of the plotlines of the story, and the main resolution of the 'mystery man' and 'secret admirer' part of the story, and first kiss.

It was never revealed until now that this was the 'finale', because that was part of suspense!

I want to say a BIG thank you! In the beginning, when this all happened, I was unsure if we would ever get here. we did because of your encouragement! This has been 40 Chapters in 40 days. A very symbolic number, if we're thinking about it. And very special to me, and for you.

Up until this point I had a pretty set storyboard for how I wanted the story to unfold, with key chapters scatterred throughout. Here is my analysis of some other major plot points, in order, and how they happened: (Note that I mention some chapters, but this does not discount the others I don't mention, I hope!). If you'd like, this is an analysis, from the author, of this all.

The first five chapters as they are the ones that layed the platform for the rest of the story (The night at the bar, and the morning after when Meredith found the note). Chapter 4, in particular, is the most highly rated, and I will still say (other than potentially THIS ONE, Chapter 40, it's counterpart… Is the BEST Chapter, and certainly my personal favorite, overall for this entire fanfiction. And the next seven (Chapters 6 through 12) introduce a lot of the friendships, side plots and patients that we will come to know and appreciate.

Then, Chapter 13, where Addison was kissed by Cristina. Chapter 17, where Meredith caught Addison at the vending machines. As many of you pointed out, that was symbolic and foreshadowing in many ways. Chapter 20, when Addison finally came out to Meredith. Chapter 23 and 24, when Addison and Meredith fell asleep together, and the aftermath that Meredith had with Derek afterward. Chapter 26 when Addison was in that house again, and her divorce in Chapter 27.

Chapter 28 is a significant turning point when through the flash forward to the CD, we know the reveal will happen, and that the result will be positive. We, as an audience, know then, what the characters do not, and still don't quite know yet. The three "It's The End Of The World" Chapters highlight each other's perspectives and concerns, and "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" is the 'rock bottom' of the story arc. It's where things are worse, before they get better.

The following four Chapters examine lust, trust and subconscious desires, as the need for physical and emotional intimacy for each other (Meredith and Addison) grows almost to its boiling point, as they realize who they want now, and realize who they no longer want or need (Derek), as a romantic suitor. As We Know It is the penultimate chapters to the 2 finales.

That one shows friendship for the final time between the interns keeping the secrets, and is when Meredith finally defends Addison to Derek in a way Addison never could. It's the start of the big reveal, and it's where Addison also makes a bold and important decision, to both go out with Meredith, but in the correct and respectful way, that is to 'not date her', first.

And the May 9th Chapter, Yesterday, is the one many of us have been waiting for, where Meredith and Addison eventually figure out each other's alter-identities That one had been planned from the beginning, right down to the post-it notes. And yet, we were still left itching for more after it was over, because it was only a conclusion of the past, not the romantic present.

Which brings us to this chapter, "What Have I Done To Deserve This". Thank you for reading up to here, and for reading this one. This chapter in a lot of ways is the Most Important Chapter So Far, and you probably have noticed the many references to the title "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing,".

The song, "Broken" by Lifehouse, which has been mentioned before a few times, as a plot device, is quoted throughout the chapter here and woven in as a metaphor for these character's lives, in both their words and their actions. All of the moments, especially those in it's 'sister chapter', Chapter 4: Let It Be, have led up to the moments in this one. I guess in a way, this is a 'songfic', or at least inspired by music, just as the show, itself, is. Until now, Chapter 4 has still always been my favorite Chapter, and still is, in a way, though I do like this one, too; it's twin.

So where do we go from here? There are stil many plotlines to be explored; obviously, the one about Meredith and Addison getting together - potentially - as a couple, is a main one. But there are others, and many Characters with unresolved storylines pending for this reason... Plus who knows what patients will come into SGH? And now, I leave that up to you to think about. :D

While I will be continuing this story, I admit I'm improvising a bit from now on, and very, very open to reader's suggestions. If you want something specific, I'm really all ears! Hope you will continue to follow along. I do admit part of the reason I prolongued the plot so long was because I feared that after the truth came out, the story would fall flat. I'm going to try to make that NOT happen, while also allowing lots of tender moments and fluff, but still with serious stuff, to come.

Also I'm very enthusiastic about probably adding NEW CHARACTERS (doctors) into the mix!

Please, please, please do leave a note for what your highlights of Season One have been!

Let me know if you liked this Chapter (And it's super long Author's Note…) and if so, why!

And let me know your own analysis, of the story's construction, and your predictions :D

Take care all, thinking and caring deeply for you. Much love, and yours, truly, from bobbiejelly

THANK YOU FOR READING ! LEAVE A NOTE, IT WILL MAKE MY DAY :D

Dedications: This Chapter 40 is dedicated to EVERYONE and ANYONE who has read this far.

This dedication is written on the day of first publication of Chapter 40, May 12, 2020.

This is everyone to thank, thus far, that I know by username… This includes…

(If I've ommitted you by accident, please let me know I will back-edit you in!)

Archive of Our Own

A03 for the COMMENTS: (order of appearance) starting from

TheNetflixGal, EmyLilas, lydialyn, Dragon_QueenMorri, becarefulcontentspriceless, lightningmaystrike, Anna, MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse, Lespians (once IllegalKittens), Ace_of_the_garden11, skidney, bg3929, addiesbaby, MissLuthor506, LordOfLezzies, becarefulcontentspriceless, Seldom_naughty, Souvenirscar, WhatwouldagentScullydo, Laris USB, Olivia, MfBurton12, tisziny, Kristin_Aubrie, sydneyb32,

*** Some of you have left many, many comments and I want to say thank you AGAIN for your dedication to making this work better, and to keeping me company on this jouney! ***

Ao3, for the BOOKMARKS: Queen_Riff, kimchaewohs, Kristin_Aubrie, bg3929, evattude,

Ao3, For the KUDOS:

svntivgo, Ace_of_the_garden11, earpsdimples, WhatwouldagentScullydo, MeetMeAtTheEndOfTheUniverse, Hotgitay, SarcasmIsKey, Soysauce, MissLuthor506, Arissen, seattlerain879, I_dont_have_time_for_this, addiesbaby, hollywood13, Markirya, izobelle, Mbufton12, TheStorywriter, Unstoppable4ce, oliviajames, lightningmaystrike, lydialyn, Kristin_Aubrie, LarisUSB, Nightfire6487, souvenirscar, Seldom_naughty, lanasboobs, plumchild, LordofLezzies, Aissvarya, JustAnotherFanGirl41319, alettadipollo, Daisyorlena, iambjo12, screwURanonymity, Lilomaus223, QuarterToFour, Sammy_McCallister, Jaws9760, bg3929, skidney, Dragon_QueenMorri, EmyLilas, TheNetflixGal, and legallyblindandrea as well as 37 guests left kudos on this work!

Thank you as well for the people who subscribed to the story, the people who subscribed to the series and the peole who subscribed to me as an author. On this site it is anonymous, I only recognize a few of you because you mention getting emails. Thanks!

Fanfiction:

Reviews:

Guest, LittleFish74, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Spritti21, Guest, bran tregare, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Guest, Melissagirl, mandagirl79, MysticSong1978, Guest, Spritti21, VFBFan, artiethecat, NathalieRae, Spritti21, Mford473,

Favs:

Avlynn Rose, , mentalmeg, , Supercorp Slexie 24, QueenKat6661, faith3558, kaipulani (who also left me the most beautiful messages!), angela22zuni, ultimatefailure17, MysticSong1978, Emma950, Rebel til Death, DarhkPrincess, KaMiKaZeX9X8,

Follows:

Mford473, Skywhale14, dis-kus1, , mentalmeg, , Supercorp Slexie 24, Greyer, QueenKat6661, brooklyn99addict, artiethecat, NathalieRae, onegreyswanlittlemenzel69er, Krys2675, faith3558, kaipulani, king22, MysticSong1978, rhi bradley, Emma950, A Different Story, Jayde1997, DarhkPrincess, DaniBlueJay, Albionia,

THANK YOU, as well, to the people who started following me as an AUTHOR and who favorited me as an AUTHOR due to this! I can't figure out exactly who that is for sure, but you know who you are and I thank you endlessly!

Wattpad

Comments:

MarleeGrey, new_being, kennas_backup00, I_Have_3_Dollars, _sarahxlove_, GloriaZamprogna, author4all, jenfaniston2018, Reneshli, Jaity4ever, addiesbaby, danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, outlawqueenpercabeth, JessicaAkander,

Stars: (These are hard to track, if I missed you, comment and I'll add you to the list!)

XXGreysAnatomy, MarleeGrey, new_being, kennas_backup00, I_Have_3_Dollars, _sarahxlove_, GloriaZamprogna, author4all, jenfaniston2018, Reneshli, Jaity4ever, addiesbaby, danielaperezsurga, itslexipedia, outlawqueenpercabeth, JessicaAkander,

Additional thank-you to the people who added this story to their reading lists! There is no succinct way to find this, so generally shout out you know who you are!

Bobbiejelly's Wattpad followers:

outlawqueenpercabeth, danielaperezsurga, bg3929, NyereSoTrini, author4all, MarleeGrey, _sarahxlove_, galusov, Hayday147, kennas_backup00, isabella_x_, meraddcouple, kaity4ever, addiesbaby, tshotton44, Blouty-County, itslexipedia, EmyLilas, jamiya15, unicornbaby78, addisxnmxntgxmery, camelotjackiejack, leah6899, EllieMay421, new_being, jewelsarmiento03, TheNetflixGal, Akers72, LesbiiHonest_FP, gerardosoriano123, 50onechicago50, incompleteversion, JordynMarie05, naylorholby, GloriaZamprogna, Reneshli, DiaConstant, Deusa_Maria, AddisonAddek, fernzxxc

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Thank you to the people who I do not know by username, I hope you'll reach out sometime :D

It's been a wild ride, this whole "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing" Season One, Forty Chapters, 41 days.

Many words. Many comments. Many interactsions.

And by now, I do believe it's some of my best work, ever, yet.

Cheers to another, with more in the future, we hope.

Bye for now, see you in the COMMENTS.

bobbiejelly

Further Reading (Other works you may like. These are my other MerAdd works so far…)

Soothe

Chasing Butterflies

Chasing Butterflies A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition A Seattle Grace Mercy West Swingers Party - Post Plane Crash Edition McCravings McCravings RED is the new BLACK. RED is the new BLACK. Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics Five Reasons We Knew Calzona Was Made For Each Other & Five + More 6 Sentence Fics Out Of The Dark Out Of The Dark Hello, Seattle Hello, Seattle Peace Of My Heart Peace Of My Heart Meredith gets her Mojo Back Meredith gets her Mojo Back Tears Shed From A Drunken Conversation Tears Shed From A Drunken Conversation Who Can Screw the Shepherd Siblings Better? A Sex Bet Between Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan. Who Can Screw the Shepherd Siblings Better? A Sex Bet Between Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan. Elevator To Heaven Elevator To Heaven To Build A Home - For Me & For You To Build A Home - For Me & For You Sights of Seattle, Stars in the Sky Sights of Seattle, Stars in the Sky Meredith Makes Her McCHOICE of a Lifetime. Meredith Makes Her McCHOICE of a Lifetime. Chief Montgomery's Seductress Chief Montgomery's Seductress MerAdd PROMPTS Consultation for bobbiejelly - INPUT REQUESTED ! MerAdd PROMPTS Consultation for bobbiejelly - INPUT REQUESTED ! After Italian After Italian 'Merley' (Meredith Grey/Miranda Bailey), eventual MerAdd (Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery), mostly for Lesbi_Honest_FP 'Merley' (Meredith Grey/Miranda Bailey), eventual MerAdd (Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery), mostly for Lesbi_Honest_FP

The whole MerAdd Series:

MerAdd My Heart 3

*** IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT OF SEASON 2 OF FABB! ***

The upcoming Season Two, of "Falling Apart, Barely Breathing" is to begin with Chapter 41.

It will be posted as a regular update - this 'book' will be continued on all platforms the same way.

It's scheduled release is undetermined, as of late, but is hopefully very soon… bobbiejelly :D

Author's Note 3:

Well, that's it for now, folks.

Happy reading,

Leave a note, it'll make my day!

Enjoy,

bobbiejelly bobbiejelly