Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and settings from the Harry Potter world, which is trademarked by J. K. Rowling. I do not claim any ownership over them or the world of Harry Potter and will not receive any money or other financial profit for presenting the work on this site. The story I tell here as well as certain original characters are my own invention, and are not purported or believed to be part of J.K. Rowling's story canon.

TRIGGER WARNING: Detailed description of a panic attack. If you feel uncomfortable with this topic, please skip this chapter.

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Chapter 39

As Sage slowly headed back to the castle, her thoughts raced around in circles, leaving her mind all over the place. How could she have been so oblivious to the possible downsides of her plan? She had been too sure, too confident in her actions, unintentionally turning a blind eye on what should have been obvious from the start. All she wanted to do, was help. Make things easier for Neville and the rest of the DA. But it completely backfired on her. Or, well, it hadn't yet, but it might soon enough.

A paralysing fear threatened to overwhelm her, when Sage finally stepped into the castle. Now more than ever before, she felt as if returning to her self-chosen prison, running the risk to be crushed under its massive walls at any given moment. She wasn't supposed to be here and she knew way too well. Hogwarts was rejecting her with every part of its being. Whatever she did, was met with negative consequences or had no effect at all. And now she might've contributed to the recruiting of even more up-and-coming Death Eaters. How was she supposed to live with this guilt?

Without properly realising what she was doing, Sage had stopped along the way to her chambers, leaning against the stone-cold walls of an empty corridor. There was a thickness developing in her throat, making it harder for her to breath with every further second that passed. She suddenly felt the ground tremble beneath her feet, though it likely might have just been her body betraying her. Ever since she had fled England, it tended to let her down in exceptionally challenging situations like this. To be fair though, she had never been the resilient type anyway. Panic hit Sage in waves on the daily, especially since returning to Hogwarts, and sometimes.. it just became a little too much. As a result, her mind just shut down into panic mode, leaving her body alone to deal with it.

As her ears were starting to ring, her fingers and toes began to feel numb. By now, her heart had leapt into her throat, making Sage feel as if she was going to suffocate. Now, if she were just able to regain enough of her composure to take a few deep breaths, everything would be fine again. She just needed to close her eyes and focus on her surroundings, until she'd finally snap out of it. The coldness of the wall stinging against her skin, the sound of the crackling fire coming from the lantern down the corridor..

"Miss Selwyn?" a familiar voice called out.

Sage didn't immediately react, her brain lagging behind a bit.

"I just need a minute.." she claimed, nearly choking on her words, whilst she was trying her very best to force this sudden surge of panic to die down, even if just a little.

"Breath with me," the voice demanded in an exceptionally calm voice.

Only now Sage finally opened her eyes to see Professor Snape, of all people, extending a hand towards her. She hesitated a moment, before ultimately taking it. Her fingers still were numb, so she barely felt his hand wrap around hers. She met his eyes, still trembling and barely able to stand on her own two feet. He took one deep breath after another, slowly and steadily, urging her to do the same. Sage wasn't sure why, but somehow this actually worked for her. Watching his chest go up and down in such a controlled manner was enough to regain at least some control of her own body, especially her lungs.

As her vision became clearer, Sage felt a wave of heat go through her body, bringing back some of the feeling in her fingers and toes. Slowly struggling back into the present, she unconsciously tightened her grip on Snape's hand, still breathing in unison with him. Struck by the odd sight, Amycus Carrow made his way towards the two, giving his colleague a rather confused look. After none of them said a word, he stepped back a little to further watch the scene. What a nosy git.

Another couple of minutes passed, before Sage cleared her throat, adjusting her posture a little. Though she was feeling pretty exhausted, the chaos in her mind had vanished enough for her body to go back to something very near to normal. Her normal, anyway. As Snape gave her a questioning look, she simply nodded, releasing his hand of her grip.

"Thank you, Professor. Excuse my be-" Sage began to explain, but was quickly cut off by Snape.

"No need to apologise, Miss Selwyn. I'd suggest you stop by the Hospital Wing before you head back to your chambers. I can accomp-" Snape cut her off, just to be interrupted by Amycus Carrow himself.

"-Now, that won't be necessary, Severus. I'll gladly take care of Miss Selwyn," the latter claimed, giving her a confident smile.

Snape stared at him for a moment, seemingly piercing through his head with his gaze. He didn't bother to protest though, leaving shortly after wishing each of them a good night. Sage wasn't sure what to think of Snape's unusually kind behaviour or Amycus Carrow's new-found interest in her. All she wanted to do was hide away in her chambers for the next few hours, not having to lay eyes upon even a single soul.

Amycus Carrow offered her his arm, which she reluctantly took. He lead her down the hallway, but took an entirely different route than Sage had hoped for.

"We are not heading to the Hospital Wing, I presume," she noted, avoiding his gaze at all cost.

"No, Miss Selwyn, I wouldn't want you to waste your time. Don't you worry, I have just the right thing for you," he reassured her. Or at least attempted to.

Unsure of what was going to await her on the other side, Sage followed him through the door of his office. As he searched through some of the shelves arranged along the wall, she let her gaze wander around the room. It wasn't particularly messy or neatly organised, but something about its ambience made her feel uneasy.

"So, what was going on with you back there?" he asked curiously, after seemingly having found what he had been searching for.

"Oh, it was just my nerves, I guess.." Sage tried to downplay it, not comfortable with talking about her feelings with him, "I guess the stress has been getting to me more than I thought."

"Somehow I was expecting something like this to happen. You always seem so tense and guarded, Miss Selwyn," Amycus Carrow admitted to her, whilst pouring some sort of liquid into a silver cup.

"You think so?" she asked in response.

"Well, yes. I wonder what secrets hide behind your demeanour."

"I'm afraid you deem me much more inscrutable than I truly am, Professor. I've always considered myself somewhat of an open book to people."

"I guess we'll just have to see what the future will bring. Maybe this potion will help you loosen up a bit," he explained, handing her the cup with an expectant smile.

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Author's note: Another heavy chapter today. Hope I didn't upset anyone, but I feel like it's important to show how much Sage is struggling with her mission.

Thank you so much for your kind words on the last two chapters! Wishing you all the best and hope to read some more of your thoughts!! :-)