Another Second Chance
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, A Deadly Game, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving and this was really their last case. What would each other's lives have looked like? The story starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Chapter 26
Castle's Residence
Pismo Beach, California
/_/
"It's complicated, Gina, let me freshen your drink" signaling he was done with the conversation. As he made the drink his mind returned to the damn flashback he couldn't stop.
Gina knew when not to press him, she knew he had enjoyed visits from both Kate and Marcy during the last year. Marcy's twins got married last year and asked that Rick walk them down the aisle, even though their Dad was alive and from some reports attended the ceremony as a guest.
She wasn't sure but from the size of the double wedding, Rick paid for the entire costs for his adopted nieces as he had come to call them. She had tried to get the information from Alexis, who wasn't thrilled with it but wouldn't confess one way or the other.
Her comment of "Mom, it's his money let him get his enjoyment anyway he pleases. He's already taken care of my family so even if I don't like it, I won't say anything. It's about the only thing he does now, is visiting New York, Brittany, and Brianna, sometimes without even seeing Marcy or Kate. Let him enjoy himself, he's worked hard" ending any follow up discussion between them.
FLASHBACK Continued
Kate looked at the clock, it was almost 5:00 PM, and on normal days would mean she would work a few more hours before heading home, but today she wasn't feeling well. It wasn't anything medical, well if a broken heart was a medical, then that would qualify.
She had waited with bated breath to hear from Rick, and now that she had, she knew something was wrong. He would never admit to needing time for himself, something was really bothering him, more than anything she had done to hurt him.
His nurse? When did he employ a full-time nurse, or was she more than that? Her twin daughters were with them in the Hamptons, a place that still made her stomach churn, knowing just how close she had come to having everything she ever wanted but threw it away. THEY were leaving for HOME? What the hell, just what kind of nurse was she?
Kate's mind went over and over the conversation, and then her parting comment before she hung up without hearing the words, she never wanted to hear from Rick again, goodbye. He had only said it to her once, and it suddenly made all of the till tomorrow's, or often just tomorrow uttered as a question to know when one would see the other, now goodbye was as he said, more final. She couldn't live with the final, she had to hold on.
She felt the pang of hurt as a visual picture of Rick between the sheets with someone other than her crept into her mind, was that the hurt he felt when he saw Demming, then even worse Josh? God, that was painful and what had she done, give him permission to screw his brains out with another woman.
Kate Beckett, you are a fool, a God Damn fool. What message does that send Rick? Yeah dumbass, the same you got when he told Demming nothing was going on between you and him, well there wasn't but he should have known you wanted there to be.
She traveled mindlessly along the streets reaching home with her usual evening meal and coffee purchased from the corner deli, it wasn't the greatest food, but who cared. She hadn't enjoyed eating anything since her last trip to Remy's with Castle. She retrieved her mail, and there was an EOB (Explanation of Benefits) from her insurance of the fees Doctor Burke had charged for her last visits, which triggered a though.
She dialed the number for his office and made an appointment for Thursday at 7:00 AM to see the good doctor. She needed to talk about Rick, what he was possibly going through and how could she support him without invading his space costing her any chance at any reconciliation even as friends.
She knew her night terrors were an issue, but Doctor Burke had given her exercises to help, and now they were diminishing a great deal. She seldom had the dreams, unless she failed to do her exercises, and cleansing routine, as Doctor called it. When he first described the techniques she wanted to laugh, but now that they worked, she was glad she had done the work. Perhaps Rick was feeling those same terrors, and as a Doctor for the NYPD, perhaps Doctor Burke could offer his help.
She was very troubled, more that he was hurting, than the other woman being with him. She didn't like that, but she figured, he hadn't committed to her, hell he never even returned her expressions of love.
"I care deeply for you" was something you said to your Aunt or someone you didn't want in your personal space, it didn't bode good signs for her.
She would do her best to put this out of her mind, he called. She told herself to keep holding on to that. He called; he could have answered the letter but he knew she loved to hear his voice more than any letter. Hold on to the small things and give him space, Jordan had been emphatic about that.
God, how could she ever thank her, it was as plain as day now, how did she miss it. Jordan Shaw was still in love with her first, one Richard Castle, neither would do anything about it, ever, too many people would be hurt.
It was sad to see, but also gave her hope, Jordan had a good life, perhaps not the one she wished for, but she lived after the breakup, and from outside observations had a loving husband, a great family, and had moved on, even if Kate knew she still hurt.
She only prayed that someday she and Rick could move past this, that she wouldn't become another Jordan. Successful and happy to everyone on the outside but miserable on the inside, that would be worse than anything she could think of. Now she had to get through the week till she saw Doctor Burke Thursday morning.
XxX
Marcy was still upset because Rick had just relived perhaps the worst time in his life, it wasn't because of Kate, but a life she had no business asking about, well other than how it would influence his medical treatment.
She really had misjudged him, she thought the flames burned bright for Kate, and he was just being polite, including her and the girls because he was on the rebound. She knew now that yes, he might have been in love with Kate, but he loved her and his adopted nieces as he called them.
"Do you want to know about the call with Kate?" he surprised, her by asking as he pulled her into his arms,
"Only if you want to tell me, Rick, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed so hard about your past. I mean I know you had a life before me, but when I read just how close to death you came, well it scared the hell out of me.
"I know that the night terrors are horrible for you, but the girls love you too. Do you know that they took turns, sleeping on the couch in your office, the other on the floor to be near you in case you needed them?"
Rick looked surprised, but then hung his head, "I don't want anyone to be burdened with my troubles he said softly"
Marcy stopped him, gently turned his face, cupped it with both hands, "Rick, what you see as troubling someone, we see as caring for someone we have deep feelings for and want to protect, just as you do us. The girls have been without a Dad since they were 11, our divorce was final when they were thirteen, and it wasn't pretty so you're almost a Dad figure to them."
"Really? I'm sorry Marcy I never intended to try to replace their father, I mean, eh, I would never intentionally come between them" Rick said
"Rick, they cut off contact with him, YOU didn't do anything but provide them with an outlet to discuss issues that I'm sure you and Alexis had talked about many times," Marcy said, softly,
"You mean the ones that start out with 'why are boys so stupid', oh yeah we've had those discussions many times, and unfortunately she was correct most of the time." He smiled, as Marcy grinned,
Marcy brought him a cup of coffee and her tea motioned for their love seat, the chair was the location their discussions that had ranged from her girls to well, stop, that was private between them.
He sat down, his arm around her in their normal fashion, before he could say anything, Marcy kissed his cheek, and whispered,
"I'm proud of you Rick, you handled the session with Doctor Burke with far more dignity and humility than I could have. Again, I'm sorry for pushing, not for the medical reason, but for thinking you might just be with me as a replacement for Kate. I'm sorry, I know you would never do that, and I was stupid to think that way." She sniffled,
"Hey, I would have thought the same thing, so I guess boys don't have the market cornered on doing or thinking dumb things, women do it do occasionally" he laughed as he kissed her back.
Marcy snuggled into his chest, "Ready?" Rick asked she murmured "um uh," as she had her head and one hand near his beating heart, somehow feeling the beating heart resonate against her hand and listening to his voice calmed her like nothing else.
"Well the first surprise I got when I called her was the way she answered the phone, I was prepared for Beckett, or perhaps even 'homicide, detective Beckett,' but she answered it Captain Beckett, and I choked, I guess I called her Kate and asked her if it was real.
"She explained with all that went down, all of the corrupt cops, including the captain that had replaced Roy, the Commissioner felt comfortable with only a few individuals. She was given a 90-day trial to see the progress she can make."
"She sounds like a great cop Rick, no reason to doubt her not being able to take on the added responsibility," Marcy added,
"I told her she should just be herself, not get lost in the badge this time, and do her best. I was sure that would be far more than the brass were looking for. She thanked me for the call, explained that she and Jordan Shaw had long talks and she understood now more than ever how things impact me. She admitted that the closure she sought for so long was over, and now she felt empty, but let me know that she was there for me."
"Is that different behavior from her Rick, I mean you two were partners as you said for almost two years, surely that had been raised before." Marcy said, and then by the look on his face added, 'then again maybe not, so it's a good improvement."
"Yeah, her voice is the same, her words sound the same, but she's different. Don't get me wrong, I still can't trust her, I've been down that road too many times, but this time she said something that really made me think she understands what loving someone really means." Rick said carefully
"What did she say, Rick, that is if you want to share" Marcy was still lying with her head on his chest, and could feel his heartbeat increase with her question,
"She actually acknowledged that she said something to cause me to erect a wall around my heart, and pleaded that I didn't do as she did and shut her out as she had done to me," Rick said, a little quieter, waiting for a response from Marcy who bit her tongue and stayed silent,
"I even pushed the fact that I was taking time for me to heal, time for myself, and I had no idea how long it would take. I told her to move on if she didn't want the uncertainty, to which she replied, she would wait, Always." Rick said and became very quiet as he gently stroked Marcy's hair.
"Something else was said Rick, it's OK if you don't want to tell me, just tell someone and don't hold it in please," Marcy said softly,
"I don't want to hurt you, I don't," he said softly,
"Rick, we agreed, not knowing hurts more than the words, look at us, Kate's words can't hurt me here, not when you're holding me," Marcy quietly turned and looked into his eyes,
"You sure Marcy? I hurt you once, I never want to do that again," Rick said as he locked on her eyes,
"Tell me, Rick, I'm sure if you're sure you want to share it, "
"Well, she said, and this was just as she ended the call, she had asked me for a favor, when I asked her what it was she replied, "When you make love to her, just remember that I love you with all my heart, and I will forever, even that won't change my love for you. I understand what Jordan told me now, even more." Rick said softly, a tear forming in his eye,
"Well, could I ask you for a favor, Rick? I mean if you can," Marcy said, never blinking
"What Marcy, you know I'll do anything in this world for you if I can," He replied,
"When and if we ever make love again, just promise me it's me, not her that's in your mind, your heart, and your soul. I can take a lot, but please don't ever make me someone, anyone's stand-in, please" She turned her head and placed it on his chest again,
"Marcy, when, and I'm saying when we make love, I promise you, it's you all you, mind body and soul. I could never stand to be that to you, nor would I ever put you in that position, I swear on Mother's grave." He said slowly and firmly,
She turned her head and the conversation was sealed with a kiss, more like lovers than friends.
XxX
9 Months Later
Rick had finally gotten clearance to fly back to his beloved home, aka Palace by the Sea, as Alexis called it. The twins had settled into life on campus at Columbia and visited for every holiday and break. There were other surprises, Alexis and Mike eloped, the night he graduated from Stanford, she was still a year and a half away from her degree but fulfilled her promise to her father, she had enrolled on the Ph.D./ MBA combined program that would allow her more off-campus course work. That proved to be very important, when six months after they were married, she announced, she was pregnant.
Gina and Peter had been married for less than a year but made the decision to relocate to a small town 45 minutes away from where Alexis and Mike were living. Rick was three hours away and drove his daughter crazy with facetime and texts until Mom Gina showed up. She was the only one who Rick had ever allowed to come between him and Alexis.
"Rick, Peter and I are here, I know you want to help, but you're putting more stress on Alexis than is healthy, for her or our Grandchild, check with Marcy to see if I'm telling you the truth." Gina had pleaded with him,
Marcy and he had grown closer, in love, he wouldn't categorize their relationship in those terms, although they both loved each other deeply. Their lovemaking was on par for people in love, he never pledged to anyone to be celibate, nor did he flaunt it in Kate's face when they spoke on the phone, usually at least once a month, sometimes twice.
The calls usually originated from Rick, upon Marcy's urging, to fulfill his promise to Kate to keep her informed of his progress with Dream Therapy. Kate did call occasionally, usually, it was to forward news of one of his former colleagues from the 12th precinct.
He stopped referring to them as friends a long time ago, with the exception of Ann Hastings and Roz Karpowski. Both had been guests at their home, and made it clear to Marcy, they cared deeply about Rick, BUT would not cross the friends' zone, until or unless Rick ever became as Ann called it, "A Free Agent".
Rick's treatment was known as "Gestalt therapy" and was implemented differently than any other dreamwork therapy, such as psychoanalysis and Jungian analysis. Gestalt therapists believed that dreams were existential messages we send to ourselves. These messages are actively explored to bring dream content into a person's actual life.
A major technique used in Gestalt dream analysis is the "Take the Part of" technique. Using this process, the therapist asked the patient to record or to write down everything remembered about the dream. The patient is then asked to act out each "part" of the dream, creating a dialogue between the parts.
The example, the therapist gave to them as he described the technique was, if a man dreams about a hooded figure standing in his garden, the patient was to ask the figure questions. He might ask, "What are you doing in my garden?" and then answer, playing the part of the figure, "I am here to protect your loved ones." This back-and-forth playing of parts helps people in therapy clarify feelings from all angles.
Since Rick didn't know the entire event, sometimes he or even Marcy would need Kate to fill in what actually occurred during the real event, the shooting, to evaluate which shooting Rick was drawing the repressed memories and panic attacks from. Normally they wouldn't require the actual events but since there was no one that witnessed the first shooting when he was in the Army, the only baseline they could draw from was Kate's shooting.
She had been responsive, when asked, first by Rick, then a surprise call from Marcy. She had just gotten home from shopping, a rare occasion when her phone rang, she answered without looking,
"Captain Beckett"
"Kate, may I call you that, this is Rick's nurse Marcy Foliar" she had said,
"Yes, please do Marcy, is everything all right, Rick's OK isn't he", she panicked,
"Yes, I'm sorry to worry you he's fine, well as fine as he can be, I think he's talked to you about his therapy and I wanted to be sure that you were willing to fill in the blanks for events that he didn't remember, that is if you remember and would be willing to. It would be very helpful to the therapist, actually, Dream Therapist is the correct term.," Marcy paused,
"Yeah, Rick told me he was in therapy, he didn't mention Dream Therapy, but of course I would be willing to provide any detail I know, it's a day I couldn't forget even after working with my own therapist all this time," Kate said softly,
"Thanks, Kate, I know this is awkward, but Rick will tell you what he wants you to know about anything personal, can I answer anything else? He's in good health, running and his shoulder function is at 92% and growing.
"If we can get the dreams and night terrors under control, then I think we can all move on from that awful day. I'm so sorry to have to ask you to relive parts of it, but without the baseline, the doctor wouldn't know which occurrence is causing the night terrors." Marcy said quietly,
"Marcy, did you say which occurrence? Had Rick been shot before? When?" she was almost in tears,
"Kate, I shouldn't have said anything, but I will tell you this, it wasn't a coincidence that Rick chose the 12th precinct, think of what Captain Montgomery did before he became a cop?" Marcy said
"He was a Captain in Special Forces, oh my GOD, are you telling me that Rick served with Roy and was shot then?" Kate pleaded,
"I can't deny that, nor can I confirm it, but if you want to know the whole truth, your Mayor, Mr. Weldon is the only one left who knows the full story. I'm not sure if he will talk, but the three of them we can say knew each other in a different life.
"I'm sorry I have to dance around these questions Kate, but I want you to understand what's going on, I know you care and please feel free to call me if you get worried, I would be asking you if the roles were reversed," Marcy said quietly,
"Thanks, Marcy, please call me with any questions, I'll try not to make a pest of myself since Rick asked for time, he didn't say how much, but well, thanks," Kate said sadly,
"Sure thing, and thanks for helping out," Marcy said as she hung up the phone,
The calls continued; Kate kept her promise of not being a pest. The most shocking news she delivered was that Lanie had enough waiting for Javier and was actually engaged to be married to a Doctor from Presbyterian Hospital. She knew Rick and Lanie had a good relationship, (thinking back she showed him her boobs, twice) and wanted him to hear it before the wedding invitation came in the mail.
The Dream Therapy was working great, with Kate's help the therapist narrowed it down to the loss of Captain Montgomery coupled with the past shooting experience was the trigger. The exercises to avoid the triggers as well as breathing and meditation along with added exercise had worked wonders. It had been almost three weeks since Rick's last attack.
XxX
Rick walked through the door, holding the mail, "Hey you want to go see the girls, take in Lanie's wedding and maybe spend some time at the Hamptons?"
"That's a great idea, when do we leave" she replied,
TBC