You know, showing off is great and all, but sitting down to explain how my powers work wasn't as fun. Still, a quick comparison to Evanora's hat and a few exaggerated hand gestures later, and we were back walking through the dim forest.

The conversation was sparse, as the general consensus was that we should stay quiet in case there were more zombies around. I wasn't going to complain, since I did have some things I needed to go through in my head.

For one, the zombies here were much more numerous, and even had special variations. Maybe it's the constant amount of darkness in the forest? Since the zombies don't burn up in the day as easily, they're able to stay and evolve into other types. The only question is, why would they evolve, and how? They're undead, meaning a lot of their biological functions were either not working or barely functioning. Evolving from a state like that would be nigh impossible.

Maybe it was an outside influence? There was probably a word for it, but if there was, I had no idea what it was.

Still, if that were the case than it meant that someone or something was forcing some kind of growth on these zombies. How, I have no idea. Magic probably, but I don't really know how magic works here. Thankfully, the how isn't as important as the who or the why. It was concerning to think about and meant that we were dealing with someone who is intelligent enough to force such changes to occur. It's one thing after a-fucking-nother with this place, isn't it?

In the distance I could see a large wall, the trees having somehow grown into it and making it look as if the very forest built it. I could see a guard on what looked to be a sentry tower, and they yelled down to someone else. I couldn't quite make up what they said, but if I had to guess it was something like "Oi, Crikey!" or whatever the fuck they say over here.

Alex took the lead, the annoyingly feminine man giving us a look. "Look guys, just follow my lead and try not to annoy anyone. I'll be your translator, but don't think I'm going to say any of the dumb crap you guys. Serious things only."

That would be a problem, id the game didn't come with an auto translator. Suck it Alex, I'm going to say all of the dumb jokes.

We stopped in front of the gate, a massive thing that put the dinky old door in front of my old village to shame. These walls were thick, the wood properly fortified and secured. If we had been as prepared, maybe then we wouldn't have-

"Say Alex, are all the guys here as feminine as you, or are you just an outlier?"

He sputtered, face red as he tried to retort. Not that he ever got the chance, as the gate opened, and a small group of guards came forward. It was a trio, two dudes and a girl in what looked to be wooden armor. The dudes weren't all that masculine, and you could see some femininity in their features, though not to the dame degree as Alex. The girl on the other hand, was pretty hot, like, solid seven out of ten.

I really should start worrying about the long-lasting effects of Lady Killer.

The more masculine of the two guards stepped forward, an easygoing smile on his face. "Alex, good to see you. Are these the adventurers that you left to go get?"

A gave a quick glance towards my companions, there mildly confused looks telling me all I needed to know. It seemed my translation abilities worked here as well. If only that translated to my reading skills.

Would you like to turn on Auto Translate for written languages?

…You're fucking with me. you mean to tell me I could've done that the whole fucking time, and you just didn't tell me?! of course I want the fucking auto translate for written languages!

You never asked!

Written language Translator Active

This piece of shit trolling ass-

"Is that one alright? He looks rather frustrated."

Ah, it seems that I'm already the topic of interest. It must be my good looks. Hang on a second, does Lady Killer make me handsome, or does it just make women think I'm handsome? Thoughts for later.

"I just remembered that I needed to get some things done, and I really don't feel like it."

The guard blinked in surprise, taken aback by my response. Let's get some Observing done before they respond.

Blake

Title: None

Race: Forestkin

Age: 24

Health: 22/22

Magic: LOCKED

Levels: 12

Forestkin? Great, another race to remember. Shit, is that racist?

Alex cleared his throat, taking my sudden multilingual abilities in stride. "Right, well uh, that's good to know. This man here is Darius. We picked him up on the way here not that long ago. The others are the adventurers."

That asshole just singled me out. Blake jerked his head towards me, the other male guard walking up and gesturing me to follow. Damn it, now I have to go with the guard and get interrogated. Worst part was that it was a dude. That meant that I couldn't exploit Lady Killer to dodge questions I didn't feel like answering.

Well, when you can't cheat your way out of something, blunder through it with extreme grace.

I handed the tents and stuff to Brynjar, waving goodbye as I followed the guard into the village. The actual village itself was quite large, to the point where I couldn't even see the end of it from here. the buildings looked to be expertly made, and we passed by what looked to be a market too. Damn, they had a fully functioning economy and everything.

There wasn't much to say about the people, though for some reason all the guys were really effeminate. Like, uncomfortably so. The women were pretty though, so silver linings.

The guard turned his head to me, a questioning look in his eyes. "Say, how do you even wear that out here? Like, is there a secret you adventurers have that the rest of us don't know, or do you just bear the heat?"

Heat? There's barely any sunlight in the fucking forest! I gave a quick look around to the people nearby, taking note of the clothes they wore. It was typical peasant wear, cotton shirts and pants as far as the eyes could see. Though on a closer inspection, you could almost see through some of the shirts of the more sweaty individuals. The clothes were thin, way more than what I was used to. Strange, I didn't feel humid or anything like that. In fact, I haven't really been bothered by temperature since I got here.

"I'm a big believer in looking stylish."

I mean, I wasn't lying. I just wasn't telling the whole truth either.

He nodded in understanding, placing a hand on his hips as we walked towards… somewhere. Where the fuck were we going? We were walking up to a large wooden house near the edge of the village square. There were green banners with what looked to be an axe on it, and that was it. There weren't any special decorative pieces, and it looked fairly new. Hell, I couldn't see any kind of scratches or markings on the wooden steps leading up to it, and those were usually scuffed to all hell.

Whispers started to break up around us as we climbed the small steps, a few errant stares given my way. Honestly, I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not.

The guard knocked twice on the door, taking a step back and standing tall as he waited for it to open. Damn, this place is really fucking bare. I know I keep harping on that one detail, but it was strange considering the rest of the town had really intricate woodwork and carvings.

The door opened, and another guard beckoned us in. There seemed to be a visible hierarchy within the guard ranks, as this one had a far more… intricate set of armor than what the other ones wore. It was smoother and held a far more personal touch to it. Dapper clothing pack, you have aided me in the most useless way possible, and I love it.

The inside was a bit more decorated, with the banners lining the walls and a nice green carpet on the floor. It's nice to see such a prominent color scheme. There was a throne at the end of the hall, and a young woman was sitting on it arguing with some noble looking assholes. It might be a bit wrong to judge someone based on how they look, but they had asshole so heavily ingrained into their posture and style that you could almost smell the shit coming off of them.

Mack

Title: The First Chieftess

Race: Forestkin

Age: 28

Health: 22/22

Magic: LOCKED

Levels: 17

The hell? Why was I being escorted to their chieftess? I mean, I was just some dude to them. There was nothing that would make me suspicious in the eyes of these guards. Well, except the whole knowing their language thing. And appearing with a group of adventurers but not being associated with them. Also, the being picked up along the way not too long ago bit. Okay, so I can kind of see why I'm suspicious.

The conversation died as we entered the room, their eyes staring at me as I stood there awkwardly. What the hell was I supposed to do? Say hi and slap the chieftess on the ass? Shit, that'd be hilarious. Another time Darius, another time.

I bowed slightly, maintaining eye contact with the chieftess. I really hope that wasn't a sign of being rude. "Sorry to interrupt, but I have no idea what I'm doing here."

Their eyes widened as I spoke. Damn it, I forgot that I was being auto translated. They're probably wondering how the fuck I knew their language. I mean, it was going to pop up anyway, but I kinda brought way too much attention to myself with that.

The guard I had came in with cleared his throat, bending the knee and Boeing his head. "My Chieftess, this stranger was accompanying the group of adventurers that came in with one of our hunters, Alex. He was picked up by them recently, and as you've seen, knows our language well. The captain deemed it suspicious enough to be brought before you."

The chieftess, Mack, pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. She stood up walking over to the group she was talking to earlier and waving them off. They did as she asked, though they grumbled about it the entire time. Interesting.

She crossed her arms and looked at me, judging me. "I don't see how this is a big enough problem that you decided to interrupt my meeting and force my attention. If it bothers you so much, toss him outside and let him fend for himself."

Right, fuck that. I did my best to give her an easygoing smile, and I held my hands in front of me defensively. "Miss chieftess, I would very much appreciate it if- "

"Did I say you could speak?"

Damn it Lady Killer! You had one job!

Right, seduction was off the table. Time to get to advertising my many skills. Well, mainly just the one to be honest. "My apologies chieftess, but I am not as familiar with your culture as I am your language. Please, I would ask of you to allow me to stay within this wonderful community, if only for a little while."

Come on now, take the bait.

Mack rose an eyebrow, her expression transforming into a full-on scowl. "You ask me, the leader of the Dark Forest Tribes, to allow you to stay here out of the goodness of my heart, and don't even offer anything in return?"

Well, I never specified goodness per se, but I can work with this. "Of course not. You see, I do have a very particular set of skills that you may find to be… interesting. I have the unique ability to take any item and learn how it was made, and then Craft it instantly, as long as I have the materials necessary."

It was a hell of a gamble but considering the arguing earlier and the crisis Brynjar and the gang were here to fix, it might work. Lady Killer might not be as effective as I hoped, but that doesn't mean I can't push it to its limits to help away her opinion in my favor.

I was flying by the seat of my paints with this one, but if magic could improve any skill, then could it improve perks? I had no damn clue, but I was willing to try damn it.

Letting my Lady Killer Senses guide me, I pushed some magic into it and hoped for the best.

"W-Well, if what you say is true, then you may have some use here after all. Though we will have to get into it a bit more… in depth later."

Holy fuck that actually worked. The chieftess' face was pink, and she refused to look me in the eyes. The guards were doing their best to pick their jaws off of the floor as they watched their leader blush like a schoolgirl. Fucking hell, I'm awesome!

Congratulations! For using your magic in conjunction with Lady Killer to seduce an otherwise cold woman, Lady Killer has evolved!

Otherworldly Charm

You're once attractive features are now magically empowered, granting you a charm and charisma that is almost unnatural.

Great, now I had to go through my perks to see if there was anything else I could use this on. I'm way more upset than I should be, but now I had to go over all my shit and reevaluate everything. Fuck, what perks did I even have?

The chieftess cleared her throat and regained her composure. "Right. The guards will escort you to the local tavern, where you will be staying. I expect there to be no trouble, understand?"

Heh, at this point I'm pretty sure I could seduce you before you even got mad. Though I was only about fifty-fifty on that to be honest. Still, I didn't have any intention to start any fights, so there were no problems there. "Of course, chieftess. I'll be on my best behavior. You have my word."

She nodded and waved her hand, politely telling us to fuck off basically. The guard I had arrived withstood tall and slammed a fist to his chest with such intensity that I thought he might've broken his hand. He jerked his head to the door, before swiftly leaving the house.

I followed, naturally, and let out a sigh as I let the stress from that encounter fade away. Damn, if someone had told me that Minecraft women would be hot, I'd tell them to stop watching porn. But not only are they hot, but some of them are really fucking intimidating.

We walked into the center the town square, passing several market stalls as they peddled their goods and useless knick knacks. Honestly, I might grab a few later. Maybe I'll make a hobby out of it, grabbing souvenirs from every village I find. That sounds nice actually.

The sky was far more visible than in the actual forest. Sure, that may sound obvious to you, but I hadn't really paid attention to it when coming in. The sun was setting, and the sky was a wonderful shade of orange and purple, the two somehow seamlessly into each other. It reminded me of the times I'd sit on the guard tower with Ava, listening to her talk and nodding every once and a while. Fuck, I'm an asshole, aren't I?

"Are you going to stare at the sky all day?"

Right, I had things to do. I shook my head, catching up with the guard as we entered the tavern. It was lively, people singing, drinking, dancing, and making very inappropriate comments to the tavern barmaids. Would it be rude to call them wenches? I'm going to assume so, and if not, then it doesn't really matter.

My companion walked up to the bartender, knocking on the bar to get his attention. The man in question was an older man, and for once actually didn't look like a girly boy. Honestly, I don't think I'd be able to live here if he did. A wrinkly old trap would be enough to make me brave the outside world. The bartender noticed the wooden armor the guard wore, and wasted no time serving us. "What do you need?"

A bit snappy, but considering how busy it looked here, I could understand why.

"The chieftess requires that you let this man stay here for an undefined amount of time. Do not worry, she will make sure you are properly compensated."

The guard turned to me, losing a little of the stoicism he had shown when talking to the bartender. "If you need anything, don't be afraid to ask. Despite our less than impressive first encounter, I'd like for you to know that we are a kind people. It's just, a lot of things have been going on lately. Putting all of us on edge. Anyway, I'll see you around Darius."

He gave me a quick pat on the back and made his way out of the tavern, only stopping to admire a barmaid for a second before shaking his head and leaving. Huh, I didn't Observe the guy or ask his name. Damn. I took at seat on one of the barstools, resting my elbows on the table and giving a nod to the bartender. "So… where exactly am I staying? Not to intrude or anything of course."

Auden

Title: None

Race: Forestkin

Age: 35

Health: 22/22

Magic: LOCKED

Levels: 13

Auden grunted, obviously pissed that he had to take me in. He looked towards one of the barmaids and called her over, before pointing to me. "She'll take you to your room. Now, unless you have some coin on you, get off my bar."

Well, no need to tell me twice. I followed the girl, a mousy little thing that barely reached my chest. The low five feet if I had to guess. Ah, height superiority, something I never truly felt back with Mason.

We walked past the rowdy patrons, the barmaid doing her best to ignore the wolf whistles coming from the more shameful ones. Honestly, I wasn't really into the whole alcohol thing, though that could be because I've never actually had it before. Still, if they were any indication to how I would act, then I was perfectly fine never experiencing it.

We went up a staircase, the wood creaking a bit under our weight. The second floor was small, only a few rooms and a small hallway connecting them. Still, why exactly did they even need an upstairs? I mean, it wasn't like they had a lot of foot traffic in an out of the village, and-

"Harder Daddy!"

…I am going to get no sleep here.

The barmaid blushed a beet red color, and quickly made her way to the room furthest in the corner. The sounds of barely suppressed moans could be heard from the other rooms, and I did my best to adjust my pants, but to no avail.

My face felt warm, and I cleared my throat as the barmaid opened the door to my room. It wasn't anything special, a simple bed and desk with a small green carpet in the center. There was a lamp and mirror on opposite sides of the desk, and a coat rack by the door. The barmaid cleared her throat, her face still red. "H-Here is where you'll be staying. I-I'm sorry for all the… noise."

Well, wasn't she just adorable. This would be way more wholesome if I weren't currently propping up a tent in my pants and doing my best to will it down. God damn it penis, stop it! Despite my wishes however, I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering over the barmaid. She was panting slightly, trapped between me and the doorframe. Her eyes stared into mine, and she bit her lip slightly. Her thighs began to rub together, and she folder her hands into each other.

Fuck it, self-restrain is overrated anyway.

I tilted my head to the side and gestured to the room, inviting her in. she gulped a bit, before walking into the room nervously. Well, hope Auden didn't need her back anytime soon. I gave one last look to the hallway, watching as a couple left the room next to us, and I closed the door.

…

I really need to work on my self-control.

I was still in the small bed provided by the tavern, idly playing with the hair of the sleeping barmaid on my chest. As soon as I had woken up, the full weight of what happened yesterday hit. Sure, it wasn't a bad thing, in fact it was definitely enjoyable. However, I had made one crucial error that I had to keep in control.

I forgot about Otherworldly Charm.

Sure, it didn't fuck with me in this case, but it definitely could. In the case of Mack, she was a woman who was able to get past base instinct with such an ease it was almost second nature, at least, from what I had seen. With Otherworldly Charm, I was able to convince her that I could stay and get her slightly hot and bothered. That was fine, after all, I did need to convince her of that. However, because of the magic part of Otherworldly Charm, I was technically mind controlling them, though to a very insignificant degree. Really, it was more like suggestions than anything else.

Again, this was fine with some women, hell, it was fine with women in general. With the caveat of, so long as I am in control. Which is where last night comes into play. Last night, I was still acclimating to the new perk, and while that's fine, perks seem to have the effect of subtly changing how I think and perceive things. A good example would be Lady Killer, or what was now Otherworldly Charm. However, there was another perk that did something similar.

Teachings of a Kinsman.

Honestly, I forget this perk exists sometimes. However, it does change how I go about battle to an almost ludicrous degree. From tactics and strategy, to even observing the area I'm in for potential hostiles and exit points, it does it all. And I don't even notice it until I reflect about it afterwards.

The reason this was a problem with Otherworldly Charm and not Lady Killer or Teachings of a Kinsman, was because of the magic element that comes with the perk. Now, I'm not sure how strong or effective it could be, but if I were to take the worst-case scenario, I would be able to make an entire room full of females get hot and bothered by complete accident. Now, that's a bit of an over estimation, but the point still stands. It wouldn't be very conducive to actually getting shit done.

Plus, there was the slightly iffy moral ground of basically mind controlling someone to have sex with them, and to be honest I don't think I'm about that life right now.

There weren't any windows in the room, so I had to guess the time based on my own sleep schedule. So, if I had to guess, it was either around five in the morning or six, and that meant that I had shit to do.

I slowly slid out from the barmaid, carefully placing her head on the pillow, and tucking her into bed. Grabbing my pants, I slipped them on and equipped the rest of my clothes from my inventory. Now all I had to do was-

"Mmm… where you going?"

Ah… fuck. She was still half asleep, and her voice was breathy. I really should just wave and leave. I mean, I don't even know her name, so it's not like I have any obligation to stay. I watched as she curled up and held the pillow close to her body, snuggling up to it.

Curse my bleeding heart.

I sat at the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her head. She snuggled into it, letting her eyes close sleepily. "Hey there. Do you want something from the tavern downstairs? A sandwich maybe?"

She murmured quietly, and I assumed that meant that she agreed. I stood, telling her to sleep tight and leaving the room, shutting the door behind me with a soft click. Walking down the stairs, I saw Auden cleaning the bar. "Hello there, how was your evening?"

He glared at me slightly, not pausing as he walked towards the kitchens in the back. I sat down at the bar, looking around the remarkably clean tavern. It was basically empty, only a few patrons milling around and drinking. The barmaids were mysteriously absent, though they were either upstairs… enjoying the festivities or they just went home.

Auden emerged from the kitchen, carrying two plates of food in his hands. There was some kind of meat on it, and some peasant bread on the side. Huh, I hadn't even ordered anything yet. Hell, I couldn't even do that since I didn't have any of the local currency. "Uh, I don't- "

His eyes focused on my own, and he forced the plates in my hands. "Take one to the girl. Next time, do it yourself."

With that, he left back to the kitchen, leaving me alone at the bar. I really needed to pay him back sometime. Balancing the plates in my hand, I carefully walked back upstairs, making sure to avoid any of the hungover patrons as I maneuvered to my room.

I used my elbow to open the door, entering and closing it behind me with my foot. Walking to the desk, I placed the food there and realized shortly after that we didn't have any utensils. Well, guess we were using our hands. Damn, I really wish I could wash them, but oh well.

I placed a hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently. "Uh, hey. I brought you some breakfast if you're uh, if you're hungry."

She blinked the sleep from her eyes, slowly coming to full consciousness as she eeped slightly, realizing the situation she was in. Her hands pulled the blanket up, intent on using it as some kind of covering. I should grab her clothes for her.

Looking around the room, I grabbed her cotton shirt, it's length good enough to cover her… assets while she ate. I handed it to her, smiling as she said thanks and turning to face the corner of the room. damn it, I don't even know her name. "Say… what's your name?"

I continued to stare at the wall, tapping my finger against my hand as I waited for her response. I could hear the soft pitter patters of her feet making contact with the floor.

"Emery. My name is Emery. You can turn around now."

Fucking hell, this is awkward. I turned, trying my best to seem normal about the whole thing. Her shirt just barely reached mid-thigh, and she fidgeted as I looked at her. Nodding, I walked over to the desk and pulled a chair out, offering it to her. "My name is Darius, and I think you should sit down and eat. Don't want to start the day on an empty stomach, now do you?"

She bobbed her head, wringing her hands and gently taking a seat. She winced as her bottom touched the chair, and she began to eat the bread. I grabbed my plate and sat down on the edge of the bed, chowing down on the meat. We didn't talk, instead sitting in an awkward silence as we ate, eventually finishing the food and just sitting there, unsure on what to do next. Idly, I checked my notification to see if I got anything for my… escapades the previous night.

Congratulations! For losing your virginity after seducing a virgin, you have gained the Artisan Perk!

Jack of all Trades

You have a knack for doing things with your own two hands. Anything from cooking to painting to doing it dirty, you can do with expertise!

A useful perk to be sure, though its acquisition left a lot to be desired. I stood up from the bed, walking over to her and leaning on the part of the desk to her side. She looked up at me nervously, her eyes staring up at my own. Fuck. Now I feel like shit. "Emery. It's a beautiful name, it really is. Right. Are you feeling alright? I know I may have been a bit… rough last night, and I'd like to know if you're in tip top shape!"

I tried to be a bit enthusiastic about it, but it felt a little hollow. Emery blushed, her eyes looking away from my own and her hands sitting in her lap. She cleared her throat, looking up to me. "I'm fine. Just a bit sore. Thank you for looking after me this morning, and I'm sorry if I wasn't as… experienced as you hoped. That was the first time I'd ever done… that part of the job."

Part of the job? What the hell did she- Oh… so they really are tavern wenches. Focus Darius, no time for jokes.

I tilted my head and smiled gently at her, doing my best to ease her nerves. Hmm, maybe I should sit on the floor. The height difference between the two of us was probably a bit intimidating for her. Sitting down on the floor, I laughed slightly as she gazed at me questioningly. "Don't worry about it Emery. You did wonderfully. Wanna know a secret? I'd never done it either, so technically, you're the best I've ever had."

She stuttered slightly, her already red cheeks somehow growing redder. Christ, at this rate she might start glowing. Eventually, she managed to compose herself and smile back at me. "I don't think I believe you Darius, but I'll take it."

Oh, this one is a flatterer. She stood up from the chair, going through the room and grabbing her clothes, bending over and- Oh my. "Um, Emory? Your shirt is a bit short, and you're not wearing anything underneath."

She eeped again, jumping up and pushing her shirt down as low as it could go. This had the "unfortunate" side effect of exposing a generous amount of her chest, and her arms squeezed them together in a way that could only be described as beautiful. Emery must have noticed this, as she quickly stopped what she was doing and instead tried to crouch down slightly.

I couldn't help but laugh as I stood up from my spot on the floor. She puffed her cheeks angrily and glared slightly. I walked to the door, opening it just enough for me to slip out, and closed it gently behind me.

Time to start the day.

…

As I was writing, I accidentally made a cute waifu. I don't know how this keeps happening, I swear!

So anyway, if you haven't figured it out by now, at the moment Darius is just trying to figure out who he is as a person, and the first step to that is to get a job and get laid, in that order. I wanted to get this chapter out earlier, but I got distracted by the Tri-Lesbian shotgun wedding between three dudes going on in Shiro's discord. No, I'm not explaining.

This has been A Decent Hoonter, and I'm apparently the priest of the Great Old Ones.