The boy and the ghost! Chapter 7: Ch7 My What A Guy! That Dashiel!, a danny phantom fanfic

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Chapter 7

"Who does she think he is? That boy has tangled with the wrong man! No-one says no to Dashiel Baxter" Dash said bitterly as he sat in front of the fire place of a tavern.

"Darn right!" Kwan agreed as he came over with a couple of beers.

"Dismissed! Rejected! Publically humiliated!" Dash exclaimed as he grabbed both cups of beer and then threw them in the fire. "It's more than I can bear!"

"More beer?" Kwan offered. Dash just turned his chair away from Kwan the opposite way as he answered, "What for? Nothing helps! I'm disgraced!"

"You? Never! Dash man come on! You need to pull yourself together!" Kwan objected as he faced Dash.

KWAN

Gosh! It disturbs me to see you Dashiel

Looking so down in the dumps

Kwan tried to make him smile, but it only resulted with Dash punching him in the face knocking him onto another table. All the men smiled as they agreed with Kwan but Dash just turned his chair and once again faced the fire place.

Every guy here loved to be you Dashiel

Even when taking your lumps

Kwan patted Dash on the back and turned his chair around.

There's no man in town that's admired as you

You're everyone's favourite guy

Everyone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

Paulina, Star and Ashley surrounded him but Dash just stuck his chin up in the air, Kwan then continued to try and convince Dash that he's cool.

No one's slick as Dashiel

No one's quick as Dashiel

No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Dashiel

Kwan snagged a man's belt from his pants and wrapped it around Dash's neck, in one squeeze Dash broke the belt off and Kwan then gestured towards the picture of Dash with a football and a gun.

For there's no man in town half as manly

Perfect, a pure paragon!

You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley

And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be on

Tom, Dick and Stanley grabbed Kwan and then began swinging him back and forth in front of Dash as they joined in.

KWAN AND CHORUS

No one's been like Dashiel

A king pin like Dashiel

No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Dashiel

Dash smiled as he decided that everyone was right and there was no need to mope anymore, especially when they were all talking about him.

DASH

As a specimen yes! I'm intimidating

ALL

My what a guy! That Dashiel!

Everyone raised their glasses for Dash who smiled in appreciation.

Give five 'hurrahs' and twelve "hip hips!"

KWAN

Dashiel is the best

And the rest are all drips!

Dash then smirked and suddenly began wrestling and fighting with some of the guys in the bar, he even bit one of them on the leg!

ALL

No one fights like Dashiel

Douses lights like Dashiel

In a wrestling match nobody bites like Dashiel!

PAULINA, STAR AND ASHLEY

For there's no one burly and brawny

The girls all squealed in delight when Dash held them up by their bench seat showing off his strength to everyone.

DASH

As you see I've got biceps to spare

KWAN

Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny

Dash then dropped the bench right on top of poor Kwan squishing him underneath.

DASH

That's right!

And every last inch of me is covered with hair

ALL

No one hits like Dashiel

Matches wits like Dashiel

In a spitting match nobody spits like Dashiel

Dash chewed on a bit of leather and spat it right into a vase, all the men held up score sheets giving him a perfect ten each.

DASH

I'm especially good at expectorating

ALL

Ten points for Dashiel!

DASH

When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs

Every morning to help me get large

And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs

So I'm roughly the size of a barge

Dash once again showed off his muscles to prove his point and then fired his gun at a barrel of bear making bear fall out of the holes like a fountain and into all the men's cups who raised their glasses once more for their favorite guy.

ALL

No one shoots like Dashiel

Makes those beauts like Dashiel

Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Dashiel

Dash sat down in his large armchair in satisfaction as he gestured to all the trophies and animals he has hunted over and won over the years.

DASH

I use antlers in all my decorating

ALL

My what a guy! Dashiel!

The men lifted Dash into the air by his chair and everyone raised their glasses and cheered as he was put down, they all then watched as Susan ran into the tavern panicking and everything.

"HELP SOMEONE HELP ME!" Susan yelled.

"Susan?" The bartender asked in confusion.

Dash looked and listened as he ran all over the tavern shouting, "I need your help! He's got him! He's got him locked in the dungeon!"

"Who?" Tom asked. Susan answered, "Wes! We must go there's not a minute to lose!"

"Woah slow down Susan! Whose got Wes locked in a dungeon?" Dash asked with confusion.

"A ghost! A horrible monstrous ghost!" Susan screamed as she stood in front of him raising her arms.

Susan lowered them when everyone suddenly began to laugh hysterically at her. The laughter stopped when Tom asked, "Was it a tall ghost?"

"Very tall!" Susan answered. Dick then asked, "With sharp green eyes?"

"Horribly green!" Susan answered. Stanley then asked, "And loads of dangerous powers?"

"Yes! Yes! Now will you help me?" Susan asked as she was pushed in front of Dash.

"Alright old woman! We'll help you out." Dash said with a smirk.

She was picked up by Tom and Dick and she said with a smile as she was carried towards the door, "You will! Thank you! Thank you!"

But her hopes were crushed when they all began laughing again and she was thrown out the door and landed right into the snow.

"That crazy old Susan! She's always good for a laugh!" Dick exclaimed as they continued to laugh about poor Susan.

Dash then thought about what Dick just said and smiled as he suddenly found a way he could marry Wes after all.

DASH

Oh Kwan I'm afraid I've been thinking

KWAN

A dangerous pastime…

DASH

I know!

But that wacky old coot is Wes's mother

And her sanity's only so so

Now the wheels in my head have been turning

Since I looked at looney old woman

See I'd promised myself I'd be married to Wes

And right now I'm evolving a plan

Dash then pulled Kwan in close and began to whisper the plan he had thought of, all the other men in the bar tried to listen in with smiles.

Kwan then smiled and they both stood up and said, "LET'S DO IT!"

ALL

No one plots like Dashiel

Takes cheap shots like Dashiel

Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Dashiel

And his marriage we soon will be celebrating

My what a guy Dashiel!

While they all celebrated Dash's new plan to marry Wes, Susan wondered around outside in despair as she exclaimed in the air, "Will no one help me?!"

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