Fortunately for both my patience and my fragmenting grip on belief in a sane universe, Trip and Phlox have had their heads together.
My sojourn in my quarters is exasperating but brief. I am very shortly sprung from my incarceration and plotting how to free T'Pol from the same durance vile, but unfortunately for our plans, Major I-Can't-Say-I-Disagree-With-The-Captain has had time to post a guard outside her room – presumably he simply hadn't got around to ordering one to guard me, which was an oversight he will hopefully live to regret. Though maybe he was detained in the captain's Ready Room to listen to him rambling about his nasty spiteful officers who don't care about dear little eeny weeny Insectoid babies who will grow up to be horrible big Insectoid warriors who have ambitions on blowing Planet Earth to smithereens.
Well, OK, maybe he might not get to that bit, or even Hayes might smell a rat.
Phlox isn't the world's foremost expert on sneaking around the place, but bless him, he does his best. And with Trip apparently having previous form on getting into T'Pol's quarters for neuropressure, it's reasonable enough for him to argue when Corporal Chang tries to keep him out of them. Which he does so successfully that Phlox and I manage to creep up behind the unfortunate corporal and the next thing Chang knows is that I'm levelling a phase pistol at him. His next impression (though only a brief one, I'd imagine) is that there's a hypospray hissing at his neck. After which he doesn't know anything much about anything at all, and we're able to dispose of the body (yes, all right, he's only stunned, but it sounded good) somewhere it won't be in the way.
This accomplished, it's time for a hasty council of war in T'Pol's quarters.
The Captain gave Hayes control of the Bridge before returning to the wrecked Insectoid ship, and not unnaturally our good Major has posted MACOs at strategic points on every deck.
Suspicious bastard.
"Is he still on the surface?" asks T'Pol, meaning the captain. He's hardly likely to be anywhere else, but on Trip's confirming it she says that retrieving him and the antimatter should be the priority.
As much as I respect her as our current senior officer, I'm the tactical officer and this sort of scenario is something I've trained for. "I'd advise securing the Bridge first. If Hayes gets wind of this we could have a fire-fight on our hands."
Phlox is always the optimist. "Perhaps we should approach the Major and explain the situation. He seems like a reasonable man."
God bless his cotton socks, he can't help seeing the hopeful side. I, on the other hand, am paid and trained to see the worst – and plan for it – and I've already picked up Hayes' follow-the-orders mindset. "That would be risky. If Hayes sides with the Captain, this mutiny will be over before it begins."
Mutiny. Nobody has actually said the word until now, but that's what this is: a revolt against our captain. It could go on our records – assuming any of us live to see Earth again.
But what else can we do?
Fortunately, T'Pol accepts my more cautious view. "We'll need more people. Who's on duty in the Armoury?"
"Ensign Walsh and two of my men. They'll side with us, but Hayes posted two MACOs there."
Luckily for us, the two MACOs are not particularly on the alert. T'Pol changes into a Starfleet flight suit (in which she looks remarkably fetching, though I won't mention it) and, her face hidden by a cap, makes her way down the stairs from the high level Armoury access. She takes out one of the MACOs with a neck pinch and I take out the other with a phase pistol blast (all those hours of playing holographic games in the Armoury are paying off!), and even if he will have a bruise from it I'm struggling to feel apologetic.
I detail Walsh to accompany Commander Tucker to the surface to deal with Captain Archer – pity knows what he's up to down there, but it's gone far enough. T'Pol, Delaney and Morgan follow me towards the turbo-lift, but Hayes has positioned guards there and there's no way we could take them out without the alarm being raised; we could shoot them, of course, but the sensors on the Bridge would pick up weapons fire. I was safe to discharge a phase pistol in the Armoury because, being a sneaky little git, I'd disabled the internal sensors from the outside before we went in. Unfortunately for us, the panel I'd have to use to do it here is in full view of the guards, which might involve a bit of difficulty if Awkward Questions were asked.
A frontal assault therefore being out of the question, we split up and take the access ladders. There's one of these on either side of the rear of the Bridge, and T'Pol goes up the one that exits beside the turbo-lift and I take the one that exits beside the Situation Room.
We've checked our chronometers are synchronised and arranged an attack time. I get into position a couple of moments early and stand beside the door, my pulse drubbing.
On the other side of the metal, Hayes' voice is clearly audible, answering the comm.
"Go ahead."
"Major, Corporal Chang's been found unconscious in T'Pol's quarters."
Three
"Where's T'Pol?"
Two
"Not here, sir."
One
"Hayes to the Armoury. Armoury, respond."
…Zero!
I've done this so often in training situations, but though the assault works perfectly, it ends in a standoff. I suppose it was fairly inevitable that I was going to end up pointing a phase pistol at Major Hayes' thick head, while he points his at mine.
"Stand down!" I order.
Credit where it's due, he doesn't waver. He even has the nerve to make a joke, using more or less my own words from when we were towing back the Xindi shuttle. "You intend to shoot me, Lieutenant?"
I'm not caving, and this time I'm definitely not going to miss. "Tell them to stand down."
"The Captain relieved you of duty. Both of you."
Well, right at this moment the Captain's barking mad, but that's not something I'm going to blurt out. I just keep my phase pistol levelled and stare him down.
T'Pol speaks, her voice even. "We don't want anyone injured. Put down your weapons."
He's not buying it from her either. "Until the Captain says otherwise, I give the orders on this Bridge."
From a military standpoint, he's right. This, of course, is why it's not always an act of unparalleled wisdom to have a MACO as your tactical officer. Military training is all about straight lines, whereas the Expanse has more curves than a roller-coaster. You have to be able to recognise when straight lines lead you nowhere except defeat.
Hayes looks towards Hoshi. "Contact the Captain."
"Belay that." T'Pol's in her own standoff – with Mackenzie – and interrupts coolly.
"I gave you a direct order, Ensign."
Hoshi, like me, understands about straight lines and curves. And she knows who to trust, after all this time. "I'm sorry, Major."
Keeping me carefully covered with his pistol, Hayes moves towards the captain's chair to open a comm. channel himself.
Travis, in the meantime, has had the excellent sense to keep still and quiet. As soon as he sees his opportunity, however, he jumps him and the firefight is on.
Morgan gets stunned, but both the other two MACOs go down. Taking instant advantage of Travis's quick thinking, I stride forward and hold a pistol to Hayes' head. He's still in Travis's grip on the floor, and still has his own weapon, but I could fire before he could raise it. "It's over, Major."
He doesn't like it. Why should he? But he's a realist, and I'm not joking. Sullenly he hands over the pistol to Travis.
I suddenly feel extremely tired. "Take him to his quarters."
"Aye, sir." Travis ushers him to the turbo-lift. If we manage to make it through this, I'll be recommending Mister Mayweather for a commendation for quick thinking and decisive action. It'll be interesting to see if Captain Archer signs off on it…
At that moment Hoshi picks up the comm. "It's Commander Tucker."
"Put him through," says T'Pol. "Go ahead."
"We've got the Cap'n. What's goin' on up there?"
"The Bridge is secure."
"Tell Phlox to get the imagin' chamber ready. We've got a patient for him."