Cosima

May 18 2018

Cosima wonders if Delphine will even show. It definitely seemed like Delphine's relationship with Jerome was mostly sexual. And only took place in short bursts. Maybe they didn't get along that well in extended proximity? She could hope at any rate. It didn't seem right, but then again, people had all kinds of different preferences when it came to romantic relationships.

Cosima stands near the lab, where she and Delphine had agreed to meet. She texts Delphine again, hoping that Delphine is just running late. That Delphine won't decide to stand her up.

"Cosima… what are you doing here… it's Friday?" Madison looks at her quizzically, looking slightly rounder than last week. "You're rarely in on Fridays."

"Oh I'm waiting for someone." Cosima attempts to sound casual. After all, she's been working with Madison for like two and a half years. She notices Madison is suddenly looking much rounder. Weird.

Madison nods briefly, shifting her weight. "Can you take over TAing for the developmental neurobiology course for September? I've already suggested you to Daniel as my replacement. But he wants you to say yes before he agrees."

"Umm… I guess so?" Cosima considers. "I'll definitely apply for it, if you're giving it up." She'd wanted that TA job initially, but Madison had landed it. Maybe this would be a good opportunity for her.

"I have to… I won't be able to do much that term. I'll give birth and have a newborn."

"Right…" Cosima nods. "So… how is that all going?"

"Baby girl is doing well. I'm trying to get Chris to talk names for her but he's still… moping." Madison sighs. "So I have a list and I'll get him to help whittle it down when he is ready."

"Maybe you just tell him if he doesn't perk up and get excited about having a girl, he won't get a say in her name."

"Hah... You should have seen him when I told him I wanted to hyphenate her name."

"You didn't take his name?" Cosima tries to conceal her surprise. Maybe she's misjudged Madison a little.

"No way. I'm established under Madison Rowe… I'm not changing it. Chris complained but I pointed out it was for professional reasons and he accepted it." Madison shrugs. "I told him if we'd married earlier it would have been different. But we didn't. And that's on him."

"Tell him the choices are Baby Rowe or Baby Rowe-hyphen-whatever." Cosima informs her with a shrug. She doesn't remember Chris's surname. She's only met the man three or four times in two and a half years.

Madison shakes her head. "I can't do that. He's the dad. He has to agree."

"Uhh you're the one growing a baby in your uterus. And you're the one who is going to give birth, and recover from giving birth and ...feed the kid." Cosima looks at Madison with eyes wide. "I'd say you have more say. In everything."

"Oh he wants to feed the baby too." Madison brushes it off. "We're buying a pump. We're working that part out. He won't cloth diaper though… says it's gross."

"Right…" Cosima nods. Privately she suspects the dude will feed the baby maybe three times ever and leave it to Madison after that, but she says nothing.

"So… ummm what's with you and Delphine? Like either she really doesn't like you or..." Madison trails off, likely hoping Cosima will choose to fill her in.

"Ah… you noticed?" Cosima wonders aloud. So far Madison had seemed oblivious.

"Eventually yes." Madison laughs. "Is she… like an ex of yours?"

"Umm sort of? We were teenagers." Cosima brushes it off. "It was only one summer." She tries to be respectful of Delphine's wishes.

"She doesn't look gay." Madison points out. "Like with you, I can see it, maybe... But Delphine? No way. »

"What… what does looking gay have anything to do with anything? And I think she's bisexual." Cosima shrugs. "Not that it matters."

"I guess not." Madison nods. "Well, see you around."

"Bye Madison." Cosima waves her off and continues to walk around the front of the building waiting for Delphine. She has to show. She said she'd show.

Cosima sits down on a bench, she crosses her legs and wonders if the outfit she chose was wrong. It wasn't that different than what Delphine had seen her in before, it does show off what she thinks of as her assets. But maybe it's too sexy? At least too sexy for a not-date brunch.

"Cosima!" A familiar voice calls from across the path. "I'm sorry. I am a little late."

"Only ten minutes." Cosima acknowledges. "I'm the one whose usually late… so no harm done."

"Good." Delphine stops taking a deep breath and Cosima realizes Delphine must have ran across campus.

"So… where do you want to go?" Cosima asks, her relief palpable.

"This was your idea." Delphine reminds her, even as she falls into step beside her.

"Awesome. Let's walk, unless you're super hungry?"

"Non. Just a little."

"Awesome." Cosima nods. "Anyway there's this totally hipster brunch place not too far from here. It's hell trying to get in on the weekends. But Fridays aren't bad."

She rambles on and Delphine continues following, they wander closer towards Church, and on towards Cabbagetown when they find it.

"Here." Cosima pulls Delphine gently by the wrist through the door.

"Hi ladies!" A young person wearing a half-apron calls from a few metres away. "Take a seat, I'll be right with you."

Delphine takes her seat, and looks around. Cosima watches her eyes. She sees a few patrons eating brunch but not many.

"What is it?"

"Is this… a gay restaurant?" Delphine lowers her voice.

"Well it's pretty damn close to the village. But we're technically in Cabbagetown. And I do think the owner is gay, yes. And a few of the staff are queer. But I assure you the food is excellent and no one is going to suggest you start eating pussy in order to eat here." Cosima deadpans.

"Cosima!"

"You called it a gay restaurant." Cosima points out.

"I guess that was rude. It doesn't matter." Delphine mutters as the server slides back up to their table, and quickly looking between the two of them places menus in front of them and shoots a quick look at Cosima.

"Hey Kai." Cosima waves at the server. "Little more space please."

"Right." Kai responds, and goes back to the kitchen. "It's Cosima again, Joe. And she brought a straight girl." Kai had never been one for discretion but the food would be worth it, Cosima told herself.

Delphine furrows her brow. "You know the server? How often do you come here?"

"I know the restaurant. And often enough." Cosima shrugs. "Anyway… what held you up this morning?"

"I was… considering my options." Delphine admits.

"You were going to stand me up."

"I was not." Delphine insists. "I just… I am not sure how comfortable I am with this."

"So close your eyes and pretend it's 2007 and we're having mickey mouse shaped pancakes at Disneyland in Anaheim again."

"Cosima…" Delphine looks at her as if to chide her, but she looks soft.

Cosima takes this to heart, this is going well. "Oh come on… you remember that weekend?"

"I do… it was the third one. We stayed one night at a hostel off-site. We rode rides and ate ridiculous Disney themed foods…" Delphine looks at her gently.

"I can talk about that one right? Because it was before we...?" Cosima asks. Before anything of significance anway.

"Yes." Delphine nods.

"It was a good weekend."

"I thought… I thought you'd prefer discussing the fourth weekend." Delphine drops her voice.

"Nope." Cosima shakes her head. "I mean it was great. But… so were the first three. We had a lot of fun together, Delphine."

"We did." Delphine nods. "Part of me is surprised that you… that you drove from San Francisco to see me after."

"Delphine… I was totally crazy about you." Cosima offers openly. "I'm not saying that because I want anything. It's just.. Honest. I know you have a boyfriend in France. I know you don't want to date me. But… that's the truth."

"Not quite crazy enough." Delphine responds, looking down at the table.

She cannot think how to respond to that. She doesn't think she did anything wrong. They had been teenagers. It was just… a thing, maybe more than a fling. But it wasn't really a relationship either. They hadn't labelled it then.

"How are your cousins these days? Did their mother ever figure out Thomas liked to wear your clothes?"

Delphine laughs. "I have barely spoken to them in a decade. I mean, I saw them at Mémé's house a few times. But their mother had already told them to avoid me."

Cosima frowns looking back. "Why?"

"She did not tell them why." Delphine reiterates without answering the question.

"Oh shit… they did have extra nanny cams didn't they?" Cosima winces. "Like… that's the only way I can think of that…"

Delphine reddens and shakes her head. "They had one outside near the pool."

"Oh… well.. We didn't do anything that bad in the pool." Cosima tries brightly.

"I was never invited back." Delphine tells her. "That was the end of my summers in California."

"I'm sorry. But… I'm also not sorry because your aunt is an evangelical crazy person, and I don't know how your uncle puts up with her really."

Delphine shrugs. "I don't think he much cares. It doesn't affect him, except he goes to church with her the weekends he doesn't work. Or he did. It has been a long time since I spoke with Oncle Michel."

"So... big questions?" Cosima asks softly. That sounds like a safe place to start.

"Alright." Delphine agrees, crossing her legs. "After we order brunch. I am starving."

"Kai!" Cosima hollers at their server. "We're ready to order. I'll have my regular… and Delphine…"

"Anything else with that? Do you want extra pico de gallo?" Kai asks. "Avocado?"

"Yes. And tea." Cosima nods. "A pot of chai, please."

"Also tea. Black tea." Delphine says. She glances at the menu quickly. "I'll take the eggs benedict."

"Do you want breakfast potatoes with that?" Kai looks at her.

"She does. They're good." Cosima tells them both and with that Kai swans back to the kitchen.

"Right… I'll go get Joe started on this and be back with the tea." Kai sighs. "Just don't get too crazy."

"Is he always like that?" Delphine looks at their server.

"Not a he. They ." Cosima corrects nonchalantly. "And they are yeah. But the food is excellent."

Delphine nods politely, biting her lip.

"It's no big deal." Cosima assures her. "I see more and more nonbinary people in queer circles every year. The ones a decade younger than us even more so."

"Right."

"So still an atheist?"

Delphine laughs. "More or less. Less extreme than when I was young, maybe a little more open to the possibility of the unknown. But I do not believe in any god or religion. Are you still agnostic?"

"Yes." Cosima grins. "Might believe in reincarnation. Not sure. I'm open to different perspectives on the void. Neurons firing as you die. Afterlife. It doesn't really matter. People deserve respect without the idea of an eternal reward or punishment. And I am OK not really knowing whether my soul goes somewhere post-mortem or if I'll just decompose and go back to the earth."

"Alright." Delphine nods. "Why do you study infants?"

"Because their brains are doing amazing things. Like, the development in the first year life is insane. I wouldn't have believed it a decade ago but that's where the action is. I thought I'd study adolescents or chimps but the reality is I can do a lot studying babies." Cosima explains readily. "Not a hit on dates though, let me tell you."

"I studied microbiomes and infant feeding. And had to leave France to get enough breastfed infants for my sample because I needed infants nursed for months not weeks." Delphine deadpans. "No man wants to listen to me talk about breastmilk, formula or baby poop."

Cosima laughs. "Even sexy French Jerome?" She cannot resist teasing. Part of her wants to pry in, to pull bits of this relationship apart to see what's holding Delphine to this man she doesn't seem to want to be around.

"Jérôme assures his patients that formula is better for their vie de femme, their independence and their husbands." Delphine rolls her eyes. "He is a competent doctor but he is subject to the same cultural influences teaching him that breasts are there for his pleasure. Even when they're tender and preparing for lactation."

Cosima is suddenly feeling hopeful again. "Anyway big question … what do you want your life to look like when you're 40?"

"That's 11 years from now." Delphine looks at her impatiently. "How am I supposed to know that?"

"More like ten and a half, solstice baby." She tries her best to charm Delphine.

Delphine stops, biting her lip, eyes wide. "You remember my birthday?"

"December 21st. Yep." Cosima grins madly.

"I remember yours is March but I'm not sure what day." Delphine admits softly. "We… we only knew each other that one summer, and by March…" Delphine trails off sadly shaking her head.

"Totally fine. It's the 9th, for future reference." Cosima explains. "So?"

"I don't know Cosima… maybe get married, get tenure, have two children, do interesting research. Maybe here. Maybe in Europe." Delphine shrugs, seemingly attempting nonchalance.

"So… you want to marry Jerome?" Cosima folds her hands against the table but looks over to see Delphine not answering.

"I guess so." Delphine responds thoughtfully.

"That doesn't sound like ringing endorsement." Cosima points out, trying to be gentle. And it's clear all of a sudden, so clear she knows this is all bullshit.

"I guess I'm more focused on my career." Delphine tells her, sounding suddenly somewhat forced.

"You're not in love with him." Cosima says suddenly, looking into the eyes of a now guilty looking Delphine. "You don't love him anymore." That must be it. Cosima thinks; that this relationship was the cold remains of whatever youthful passion had struck during Delphine's residency. The only question was what was holding them together now?

Delphine winces at the accusation. "Cosima…. It is complicated"

Kai chooses this moment to put a pot of tea and two novelty mugs on the table. "Food will be ready in less than ten minutes. I'll give you two more space now."

"Right… thanks Kai. Can I get pineapple juice too?" Cosima asks, tilting her head at probably her least favourite and most nosy server here. But at least the food would be good.

"Thank you." Delphine addresses Kai directly, and then returns her attention to Cosima, though she looks to see what other patrons are eating. And it all looks good. Cosima thinks. More than good. She's planned this date well.

"Hey, do you want to go to the aquarium after?" Cosima asks on a sudden whim. She wants to impress Delphine and that sounds like a surefire way to bring this into dare territory.

"The aquarium?" Delphine repeats stunned. "Toronto has an aquarium?"

"Yeah I don't know why but I love it. You will too." Cosima assures her. "It's a quick subway ride, and we'll spend the afternoon there."

"Alright. We can go to the aquarium but this is still not a date." Delphine tells her firmly.

"That's fine." Cosima shrugs. "I'm having fun."

"So am I." Delphine admits softly. "So… big question?"

"Shoot!" Cosima urges Delphine on, leaning across the table, resting her weight on her elbows. She looks good in the dress she's wearing, and she knows Delphine is looking. This is working.