A/N: Hii everyone, I wish you all a very happy and healthy new year!
Thank you sooo much to those of you who reviewed the last chapters, you honestly made my entire day.
This chapter is a bit short, but it's not the shortest of all. It's mostly because Edward is happy, so he doesn't write as much. Anyway. See ya down there?
Disclaimer: Twilight still isn't mine, but S. Meyer's. I just grab them and make them a whole lot unhappier.
May 1 – Friday
It's supposed to get warmer again this weekend. Bella can't wait.
I guess I'll have to get used to my girl risking her life every time the sun shows up.
oOo
May 2 – Saturday
Warmer it is, and I can practically see the impatience fizzing up in Bella. It won't be long now before she caves in and goes back.
oOo
May 3 – Sunday
So I took pity on her. Told her to go. That I'd be fine. That I knew not to worry when she was with the kids from the Rez, 'cuz they knew the area like the back of their hand.
I basically lied through my teeth.
But it worked. Within twenty minutes, she and the La Push gang were at the cliffs in their underwear. And I, like a fool, was there too. Not to jump, but to keep an eye on her.
I just know there's no way I could focus on anything else knowing what she's doing.
oOo
May 8 – Friday
We found some kind of balance, I think. She's at the cliffs every other day, for a couple of hours in the afternoon, after school. Otherwise we're at the meadow with some music. Or in her backyard, soaking up some sun. Or at my place, when nobody's home.
One thing is absolutely certain.
Wherever one of us is, the other is too.
Even when the ocean is particularly furious, and the few seconds it takes for her to appear at the surface of the water make my heart stop.
Even when she wishes she could be losing herself, but she endures the noise in her head because she knows I need to hold her and feel that she's safe.
oOo
May 10 – Sunday
I'm fluent in Bella-speak now. I understand when she drops the title to a song because those words are better than hers. I get, when her thumbs stroke the inside of her palms, that the noise is becoming too much for her and she needs to drown it out.
I know the good days, when it doesn't feel like unbearable noise but just a pleasant hum, a purr that proves that she's still alive, that she made it this far. Those are the days where she curls up with me in the meadow and sighs in contentment, and plays with my fingers absentmindedly.
I know the bad days, too. When I find her curled up in a corner rather than sitting on the couch. When she can't sit still, needs to pace. When she lashes out at the simplest words, because she needs quiet but can't find it, and none of us around her understand the crippling wantto know, just know that it's out there somewhere. That she can get to it, one day.
I know the days where, really, she couldn't possibly eat, and those where she never wished so badly to sleep.
She knows I know. They all do.
I'm not sure what they think of it. I've seen them exchanging looks when they think we don't see.
I know I like it. I've never felt before like I just knew someone. And I've never, ever felt like someone just knew me.
But she does. She knows. She knows the days where honestly, I can't have her be high-maintenance the way she is 'cuz I'm about to collapse. She knows when I need her to be here, with me, instead of out there, dying again and again because I just know that one day, she won't be reborn. She knows the days where I'm here, and I'm strong, and she can buckle again 'cuz I'll be there to catch her.
She knows I can see that in her eyes when I look at her. I know she sees it in mine.
And I couldn't care less what Alice thinks of it. Or any of the others. Fuck them and their weird looks.
We're content right now. Fucked up, but content.
A/N: So, yeah. He kinda forgot the journal after that. However he'll have plenty to say in June.
Also, I'm sad to say, this is the last good day. (Props to those who recognize the quote ;p)
From now on it's all downhill till the end, so for those of you who want an hea, I'd understand if you want to stop here, to keep this sweet image instead of the grisly ones that are to come. It's up to you.
(Have any of you ever read Lemony Snicket? I feel like I'm kinda channeling him. Anyways.)
Please please please could you let me know what you think? I wanna know!