The sun had just risen when Holt tried to knock at the door, getting no answer. Cal told him to wake him up pretty early so he could wake Emily up too since she was supposed to sleep in a different room, instead the previous night she had come to his room and she had stayed. Hearing no answers he decided to check if everything was fine so he slowly opened the door. The room was quiet, dark, and the light coming from the opened door barely lightened up the bed, but it was enough. In the dark he managed to see two people on it, cuddling and hugging so close that they could fit in a single bed without problems. He saw some of their clothes on the blanket on top of them and he managed to see a bit of her naked shoulder and Cal's naked chest in the dark, peeking from underneath the blanker. He decided that he definitely needed to change the covers, or burn them. Not that he had never seen him with a woman, but Cal had always been really private about his relationships or things that mattered to him and he just didn't want his friend to get hurt, but he couldn't give him advices if he didn't talk with him. He decided to leave and wait for them to wake up, after all they would have needed a lot of energy that day.
When his eyes opened the room was dark, lighten up just by some sun rays that filtered through the window. He soon noticed a warm and heavy weight on his chest, looking down he saw a still sleeping Emily cuddled on him. She hadn't moved for the whole night, she had stayed. He didn't know if she had woken up or not during the night but he didn't, he usually didn't sleep that easily. He left a small and light kiss on her head before removing some hair from her face to take a proper look at her. Her eyes were still close and her lips slightly parted, her breath was slow and steady, she looked so peaceful and relaxed. He knew they had to wake up but he couldn't find in his heart the strength to wake her, she had looked exhausted in the past days and she needed to rest. His warm hand started caressing her bare side slowly under the covers as his fingertips traced her face in order to wake her up as softly as he could. Soon her eyes opened in a confused look, trying to understand where she was.
"Morning" he whispered smiling.
Seeing her still sleepy and vulnerable made him extremely happy, knowing she had trusted him enough to fall asleep naked in his arms, laying on his chest. He really hoped she wouldn't have panicked and left. She didn't. She let out a disappointed and sleepy sound, hiding her head in the crook of his neck and snuggling into him.
"We have to go" he pointed out, caressing her hair.
"You're warm" she answered sleepy.
She knew it would have been a bad idea to sleep on his chest, at the moment she was unable to move away. She had fought so much during the past weeks to not get attached to him and somehow she had managed to keep their relationship purely related to sex, going away or making him leave as soon as their breaths got steady. Cuddling had never been an option. Sleeping in the same bed neither. She just knew that seeing him the morning after or just once the haze finished would have been a bad idea because her feelings might have kicked in.
"Well, thanks but we really need to go. I think Holt is waiting for us" he explained chuckling.
She raised her head with a disappointed noise coming from her throat and she found herself face to face with him. He looked at his sleepy eyes, his messy hair and she couldn't help herself from lightly stroking his beard. He was so handsome and cute, why was he like that? Her eyes found his lips, staring at them unsure about what to do. She did really want to kiss him, but she wasn't sure; she knew that whichever her decision was it would have been another stab in her poor heart. Kissing him would have meant knowing that whatever they had could have ended soon, but not kissing him was too painful. What if one of them had died during their mission, she didn't want to have regrets.
Almost reading her mind he was the one who kissed her, cupping her cheek with his hand and leaving a soft kiss on her lips. She closed her eyes, laying one of her hands on his naked chest, feeling his fast heartbeat. Maybe he felt it too, maybe she was just worrying too much and he would have liked to have something with her. She let his tongue enter her mouth in order to kiss him deeply; a soft moan escaped her throat, she couldn't stop it. It might have been their last kiss, she needed to fulfill all the need she felt for him. Or maybe her mind was just trying to find an excuse to do what she really wanted.
"We need to talk" he managed to say between kisses.
He was right, but she wasn't good with words. Not with him. She knew exactly how to name what she was feeling; she hadn't felt it for a long time but she did remember it. She was just scared. Scared that he wouldn't feel the same, scared that he would have seen her true self and left, scared of losing him. She let her leg straddle his body and she got on top of him, feeling his skin touching hers. She run her hands on his chest, touching his muscles; they were innocent touches, she was ok with just the making out part, she couldn't deny she would have liked if it eventually had turned into more but kisses were fine for her.
"No wait, wait" he gently pulled her face away, breaking their kiss.
"We really need to go Em" he explained.
She looked at him confused, she wasn't trying to turn it into more but maybe it was exactly what he wanted, the only thing that he wanted. So they didn't have time for that, but they had a few time to continue the kissing part she was enjoying so much, but clearly he wasn't thinking the same... She sadly freed herself from his embrace, feeling the cold air of the room hit her body once she started looking for her clothes. His eyes were staring at her, seeing the exact same slow movements she did in his hotel room before leaving and before her mood completely changed.
"Em what's wrong?" he asked, getting dressed and looking at her worried.
"Nothing, we have to go. This is yours" she simply answered picking up his sweater that ended up on the floor the previous night.
She got closer to give it to him but his hands didn't take the sweater, instead he hold her hands in his. She looked down, avoiding his gaze; just the touch of his hands made her breathless, how was she even supposed to look at him?
"Emily please talk to me" he begged her, he didn't know what else to do.
He knew something was wrong, he could see it. Something went wrong as soon as she left his hotel room, then the previous night they shared something different, something they had never done before, not that explicitly at least. Everything seemed back to normal, well even better than normal, but now she looked the same person who picked up her coat from the floor in his hotel room.
"I'm ok don't worry, we need to go" she managed to look up at him, hoping her eyes wouldn't betray her feelings and he couldn't see she was lying.
He noticed. He knew she was. But she was right, they had to go, there was no time now for talking, but there would have been later, once they had gotten back to Boston. He wanted to believe that this mission would actually lead them to something important so they could go home and investigate more. He promised himself that no matter what, right after leaving the airport he would have invited her to his place to talk, he didn't want to postpone their talk to the next day, they needed to talk as soon as they could.
He nodded and they left the room. Holt and Oksana offered them a coffee and a slice of some kind of cake for breakfast before leaving with Holt's car. The car ride was filled with conversations, about the plan, about how Cal joined the FBI, about Emily. She didn't really know why but Holt asked her a lot of questions, even personal ones, before being shushed by Cal. As they arrived Cal felt like something wasn't right, the place was empty but there was a pot with hot food in it in the kitchen, who leaves the house after cooking something at lunch time?
It was a matter of seconds, a gunshot, a man running outside, Emily following him, Holt being hurt and now there he was, screaming at Emily to stay still while she followed their suspect on a minefield. What was she thinking? He couldn't hear them, but Emily kept moving and at every step she took his heart sank. What if she wouldn't see a mine and had stepped on it? It was useless to beg her not to move because either she couldn't hear him or wouldn't listen. It was a matter of seconds, he saw the man stop, they exchanged a few words he couldn't quite hear and then a loud noise filled the air. Something exploded.
"Emily!" he screamed as he approached the field to see better.
She was laying on the ground with some blood on her face and clothes, but the man was gone. He could see parts of his body on the ground, so he supposed he was the one on the mine, but he couldn't quite understand how big the explosion was and if she was hurt. He called her again, preventing himself from running to her without fearing any consequences, and he would have done it if he didn't see her move. Luckily she was alive, but he had to get her out of there.
"Don't move!" he screamed, but it looked like she couldn't hear him.
She walked confused in his direction, almost unconscious of what she was doing. When she was near enough he helped her out of the field and his arms wrapped tightly around her. She was alive and safe now. Her head was spinning, her ears recovering from the loud noise, but she was alive. When she saw the man stepping away from the mine she really thought she would have died. Regretting not to have told Cal what she really felt for him, but now there he was, hugging her so tight that it would have hurt her, instead it didn't. She breathed him in, feeling safe while lying her head under his neck, she had always wanted to do it, from the first time she noticed their height difference.
"You're such an idiot" it should have been a remark followed by a chuckle, but his voice betrayed him, breaking for the fear of losing her that now was slowly disappearing.
He would never admit it, but he tried so hard not to cry. He couldn't lose her, not today, not tomorrow, never. He couldn't imagine himself with anyone else, it has always been her. They needed to come back home alive so he could face his feelings for her once for all. He left a small kiss on the top of her head, covered by her hat before freeing her from his embrace.
"Cal" she tried to look into his eyes but he looked away.
"We need to go. I'm helping Holt, you're gonna drive and we'll bring him to the nearest hospital" he explained as he walked fast toward the house.
Holt refused to go to the hospital, telling them that Oksana knew what to do. They were both conscious that it was a bad idea, but after all it was nearer and Holt was stubborn. When they arrived at the house they immediately helped him lay on the kitchen table and Oksana started to take care of him. They waited outside and she could clearly see Cal wasn't fine at all. He looked anxious, sad and frustrated, she had never seen him like that. She felt guilty for following that man in the minefield, adding a worry in his mind more than his friend being hurt already was. She really wanted to give him a tight hug and tell him everything was gonna be fine, but she couldn't make promises now, Holt was badly hurt and she didn't know if he would have been alright.
As Oksana stepped out of the kitchen they knew, the look on her face spoke clearly and the shanking of her head confirmed it. Holt didn't make it. Cal ran inside while she waited with Oksana, he needed a moment alone with his friend and she wouldn't have stolen it from him. After a few minutes she decided to go and see if he was ok, finding him in front of Holt's body; as soon as he noticed her he turned around and told her they needed to go.
The car ride was silent, Cal drove without looking around, his eyes glued on the street. She laid her hand softly on his one, which was on his leg, touching it softly, making him know she was there for him if he needed to talk. They had to stop at their hotel to pick up their suitcases and they took the opportunity to have a proper shower and change before taking their flight. Actually going to the airport with dirty clothes and bloody hands wouldn't have been the best idea ever. After taking a shower they went to the airport to get back to Boston.
She didn't know what to do, she could clearly see he was sad but they never talked, so she didn't know how to comfort him. His eyes were stuck at the plane window, looking at the clouds and she decided to make her move. She knew they didn't do it, but after last night she felt like it wasn't that strange anymore. She laid her head on his shoulder, caressing his chest with her hand and she felt him move. At first she thought he was going to make her step away, instead he left a soft hiss on her head, wrapping an arm around her. She missed cuddling, she actually never really cuddled with Tommy, they just used to sleep in the same bed and sometimes he hugged her from behind but it never felt right. That's why she had avoided doing so with Cal, because she thought it would have been the same and it had always felt too intimate for their relationship; instead it didn't. The previous night she had tried cuddling after sex, was it even just sex what they had last night? The answer was pretty clear but she didn't want to admit it. But now she was randomly cuddling on him and it felt amazing. She didn't even noticed that she fell asleep on his shoulder, she just opened her eyes once they landed.
"Listen would you like to have a coffee at my place? I really need to talk to you about something" he asked as he drove. They got there with his car so he should have taken her to her place.
"Ok" she simply answered, feeling the pressure of that talk.
She knew that moment would have come and now she could feel her heart exploding, she was nervous and what was hurting the most was that she didn't know in which direction that conversation would have gone.