7. Calamity Ganon and Monk Maz Koshia

One day, Calamity Ganon went on a simple, innocent walk through the Hyrulean landscape hoping to find one particular person with a big fascination for monsters, who had been last spotted near a lake in Akkala. He was in need of something and it was urgent, so he decided to travel there as an energy ball with breakneck speeds, but he couldn't find the person he was looking for. Instead he found someone else.

The Sheikah monk in service of the Goddess Hylia had been following him around and watching his every step since he was freed by the Hero in Lanayru. The monk probably wasn't aware that he could sense him from afar, as he never bothered to increase the distance between them, but the Calamity did not mind. He did not mind at all to be honest, because the monk did not dare approach nor bother him.

At this moment, though, he was contemplating if he should ask him whether he knew where to find this mysterious merchant or stay silent and proceed searching by himself. He stopped for a minute and tilted his head in the monk's direction (or to where he could sense his presence most), pondering, and pondering, and pondering.

This was ridiculous. He was the great Calamity Ganon, Hatred and Malice Incarnate, scourge of Hyrule and most loyal underling of Demise, and yet here he was, p o n d e r i n g over whether he should ask for help or not, and from a Sheikah monk, too.

He was confused and he hated feeling confused. He hated everything right now. If he could only unleash his wrath upon Hyrule once more… The Calamity sighed and continued his pointless search, visiting every region in Hyrule, where there were no people to disturb him (or get disturbed by him), until several hours later the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted his thoughts.

"What is your ulterior motive, beast?", asked the monk.

"That is none of your business, monk", answered the beast telepathically.

They glared daggers at each other. The Sheikah had apparently teleported himself next to the Calamity to catch him off guard and was now pleased that it had worked. His counterpart frowned and decided to just ignore him, which did not suit him at all.

"Do not turn your back on me, beast. I watched you wander these lands aimlessly. Have in mind that I have no intention to send you back to the underworld today, but that might as well change soon if you do not answer my questions truthfully. Now, speak. What are you doing here? What are searching for?"

"I said, that is none of your business. Neither will I listen to one of Hylia's scrawny pawns nor will I let myself be ordered around by anyone other than the Demon King."

"You… You have no right to besmirch the name of Her Grace! Take that back!", Maz Koshia would have shouted in rage if the ethereal quality of his voice hadn't dampened the tone, while the Calamity remained deceivingly calm and composed. The only sign indicating his growing annoyance was the unusually bright glow of his eyes.

"No, I don't think I will."

Maz Koshia nearly reeled backwards but was able to stop himself from actually standing up. "How foolish. I will never get how anyone can be so devoted to the very spirit that wants to wreak havoc upon the world."

"And that is exactly why we will always face each other in battle as opponents, never as allies. You are a servant of the Goddess, and I am not. I will always dedicate my existence to Demise, and you will not. There is too much difference between us for one to understand the motives of other. That is, why revealing my intentions to you is meaningless, as you might not be able to comprehend their importance to me. So, I must ask of you to leave me alone before my patience wears out or else you may face my wrath in battle. Your choice."

Silence fell upon them while the monk thought about it intensely, until he suddenly addressed the Calamity with the most out of context question one could think of at this moment, "Has anybody ever told you that you look like Ganon?"

Taken aback by the unexpected question, the Calamity hesitated before he sent his message mentally to the monk, "No, they usually tell me I look like the Great Calamity Ganon."

Maz Koshia then asked him in a slightly amused tone, "Who in Hylia's name is this 'Great' Calamity Ganon?"

"Me, monk."

Both stood (and floated) in silence for a few minutes, until Maz Koshia spoke up again, "Very well. Has anybody ever told you that you look like the Calamity?"

The Calamity nodded frantically at that and muttered his incomprehensible agreement. Maz Koshia laughed his ethereal laugh, which made the Calamity chuckle silently.

The monk continued his questioning, "So, what is it that you are searching for?"

"You are quite persistent, are you not? Since you cannot keep your Sheikah nose out of my business, I might as well tell you. I am in need of hard monster parts and I asked several merchants on the streets if they have some to offer, but all I got was soft parts. Then I asked the people at a stable and I was told there was a Hylian merchant selling these, but he tends to travel to new locations at night and disappears during the day. Last night he was seen in Akkala, which is why I went there first to check for him."

He could not quite picture Calamity Ganon simply approaching people and asking them weird questions. "What did they give you?"

"Various monster parts. They told me they were hard, but they are all soft", the Calamity explained and showed him the still beating heart of a Bokoblin he must have kept in an invisible pocket. The monk held a confused stance and he looked at the heart, at his companion and then at the heart again, as if he was still trying to figure out where the Calamity had stored the organ.

"What did you say you want?"

Calamity Ganon did not notice his staring and said, "Hard materials. Like Lizalfos horns and Hinox toenails. Even a Molduga's scales would suffice."

"So, you like hard", Maz Koshia concluded.

"Yes."

"Instead of soft."

"Yes. I prefer hard over soft. I guess it depends on where the materials came from and what I need them for", explained the Calamity.

Maz Koshia laughed again, when he realized that the Calamity didn't get the innuendos and just stared at the Sheikah as sheepishly as a giant, gooey pig-demon-abomination can look.

"By Hylia."

Random thoughts:

Calamity: "If I were a girl, my name would be Alice. Because that's like Malice, but without the M."

I think I accidentally started shipping CG and MK for no reason.

Help.