Episode 1: Stranger in a Strange Land
Part 7: Labarna the Hittite
Where the desert ran dry and hot beneath the sun, it transformed into blistering cold under night's spell. For three raccoon thieves, the best remedy was to stay in constant motion. Scaling rooftops, climbing ropes and ladders, leaping from edge to edge with soundless grace. Sly had the privilege of working with other ancestors not so long ago, of course, but it was a different experience entirely to be collaborating with two at the same time. And especially with a team couple. They put the term 'partnership' to new heights. Sly couldn't help but watch at times, amazed by their synchronized movesets. It was like watching thief ballet. They soared through the starlit night as mid-flight dancers.
A pang in his heart recalled being chased over Paris by a beautiful, hot-blooded fox from the past.
Well… future in time, but past in his personal history. So, the past-future. Future-past. One of the two.
Sly could never imagine Carmelita completely giving up her police work in the name of their relationship. In truth, he would never want her to shut herself off from a core component of her very essence. But it would be nice to leap over the world below side by side instead of cat to mouse in their usual dogged pursuit.
Things to change in the future-future. What a distant thought that was, to be back in the temporal present.
There were no mountains in this corner of the world, Sly noticed. Maybe that was one of the reasons why pyramids peaked up into the sky; with no mountains from the land, people made their own instead. Really, it all came back to one primordial ancestor stacking a couple of stones by a stream and realizing they could stand strong with basic engineering.
But to look for the tallest structure was not the method of Labarna the Hittite.
"He's not an exceptionally arrogant man, unfortunately," noted Slytunkhamen I as they sailed through the night, beyond the boundaries of their hometown. "He finds his little holes and waits like a viper to strike at the right moment. He's nocturnal, and his eyesight is… well, impeccable. He's no real fighter, but he manages to always catch even the best thieves waiting for him in the shadows. Nigh impossible to sneak up on, really. Even with Shadow Power."
The trio landed in perfect harmony atop a large R-shaped rock formation standing on its lonesome in the desert. From that vantage, Sly spotted the faint hint of lit torches glowing in the distance.
"He does not smell well OR hear well, either," continued Sakhmet, "which could be of some strategic use, I'm sure. His best tactics, as far as we know, are 1: to use his enslaved minions as a personal guard, and 2: to feign death when he's caught. With these alone, he's managed to evade any justice thus far."
"Emphasis on the 'thus far' now, huh?" commented Sly. "So he's a coward. Makes sense. How many guards does he have on retainer, say, on a normal night like this?"
His Egyptian ancestors consulted with each other through facial expressions. Sakhmet spoke first: "He always travels with his two best slave-thieves; Zimredda the Canaanite and Pelops the Achaean. To get past them requires the utmost skill and deepest dedication."
Say that ten times fast, thought Sly.
"Beyond that," insisted Slytunkhamen I, "he's surrounded by three heavy guards at any given time. Just about the only time the man's alone is when he's taking a bathroom break, and even then, we think he retains one attendant. He's learned to be rightfully paranoid over the years. Too careful, too clever."
Drawing closer to the lit torches, Sly could see now some scattered tents positioned in a circle around a central structure, namely a small stone-cut hut. It was… remarkably plain, compared to some of the lairs Sly infiltrated over the years.
So there had to be more hidden from sight.
"He has a network of underground levels like you do, doesn't he?" remarked Sly. His Egyptian ancestors confirmed Sly's suspicion. "So what we're looking at here doesn't even BEGIN to cover his whole headquarters."
"Not in the least," assured Sakhmet. "But I must caution against trespassing at these hours. We would be safer during daytime, if you can believe it; that's when the monster sleeps. Right now, the whole compound is awake and on duty."
"You see now how close this is to our village, yes?" posited Slytunkhamen I. "It's maddening to know where the monster is, but to suffer still his cruelty, unable to stop him or his forces from taking whomever they please. This is where we need your thoughts and experience, Sly. Surely the future must have taught you tricks and tactics we couldn't even begin to fathom?"
Sly wracked his brains for an adequate suggestion. His ancestors made a good point; shouldn't he benefit from his futuristic knowledge? Shouldn't he be able to dazzle an ancient man with modern science? That would be Bentley's department, of course, but Sly could embody that in his absence, right?
From the plain stone hut came a stirring. All three Coopers intuitively froze in place, activating their Shadow Power to maintain cover. First to emerge from the stone hut was an Indian porcupine with tired eyes and a sharp sickle sword swinging from his hip.
"Zimredda the Canaanite," whispered Sakhmet.
Second to emerge was a striped badger constantly chewing on tree sap, touting a long pike and a short bronze sword.
"Pelops the Achaean," murmured Slytunkhamen I.
Then finally, a nose poked out from the threshold. Behind the snout was a pair of yellow eyes so paranoid and unhinged they made Sly's skin crawl even from the safety of the black night. The striped hyena wore the finest linens, a tailor-made sleeved tunic punctuated by a genuine leather belt. Through his binoc-u-com, Sly noticed the multitude of rings covering every finger on the hyena's hands.
So Labarna the Hittite was not arrogant per se, but he liked to let people know he made a fortune selling hapless souls into the slave trade. Behind him came three lumbering caracals grasping torches and squinting into the darkness. Hovering about onsite, the lesser mooks consisted of golden jackals and desert gazelles.
Cogs and wheels started to churn in Sly's head. He wanted to pry every last bit of jewelry away from this monstrous hyena, every last reminder of his so-called pride, before they ruined him and his operation for good. It wouldn't be the easiest heist, but it was well worth the hard work.
It was that spark that brought a thought to Sly's mind. He posed the question for his ancestors like this: "Would either of you say that Labarna is particularly... superstitious?"
After a moment's pause, Sakhmet told Sly: "We don't have much information on his religious beliefs, but I've been told that Labarna avoids the temples for fear of the priests. Again, that is only rumor… but if memory stands, he's yet to sack a temple that I know of. Suppose that he is superstitious, then; what do you have in mind?"
None of the trio could see one another with the present transparencies, but Sly hoped they could still feel the smile playing across his lips. "Alright, so get this: in the future, we have these things called 'laser pointers' that can shoot out a tiny red spotlight. Little kids love trying to shine them in your eyes, it's great. Anyway, since I refused to fully mature and let them go, I always keep one tucked away. It should be in the buckle of my belt."
"...You carry light around in the buckle of your belt?" repeated Slytunkhamen I.
"You make it sound so official phrasing it like that, wow. It's a little tchotchke, nothing major. But by Labarna's standards? Well, we could spin it any which way we like. So… sound like the beginning of a plan to you two?"
From across the deserted plains, the crack of a whip split sharp like a rifle shot through the night's silence. Someone yelped in pain. A few more licks and they went silent once more.
"It sounds like a plan to me," asserted Sakhmet. "I vote we must also return during the day and spy on the expanses of his base. What do you think, my love?"
Sly detected a strange mix of swelling pride and seething rage in Slytunkhamen I's response: "I think Sly brings us the flame to end Labarna's reign once and for all. And I think that later today, we'll be ransacking his home three Coopers strong. How's that sound to you, Sly?"
"Sounds like music to my ears," replied Sly, feeling quite content with himself.
It wasn't a Bentley-curated, airtight strategy yet, but they were working for something. The longer Sly watched the striped hyena strut about and admire the jewels shining from his greedy fingers, the more he understood Slytunkhamen I's deep-seated desire to defeat the invader with extreme prejudice.
An absurdly rich slaver targeting thieves? The guy had it coming, big time.
And Sly didn't mind pulling the trigger one bit.
END of EPISODE 1
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