Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to 2021! Let's Hope we survive the Experience!
Before I start, I want to once again thank everyone for all the support I've received this past year, between the messages, the reviews, the favorites, the follows and the readings, I've never expected to receive such support, so for that I thank you for giving me approval, appreciation and motivation to keep going here. Mark my words, there's a lot of things coming around this year, so I hope I won't disappoint you on that front.
Now, when we last saw our heroes, they fell on the clutches of Sauron and Itsy Bitsy who have just become an item (apparently), so it seems that our evil doctor's plans are going full throttle, so let's see how our heroes will get out of this pickle.
Oh, and to my good friend and reviewer Timeless Writer: If you thought last chapter was disturbing…be warned, you may need to wash your eyes after reading this one LOL! And as for Spidey's new suit…I don't like the color scheme, I'll wait to see its functionality to make a proper criticism.
Enjoy the reading!
SPIDER-MAN AND KITTY PRYDE: ROYAL PAINS
Chapter 8: This is how the Bad Guys Roll
He slowly opens his eyes, still feeling the pain from the recent attack, still feeling the pain from that bite on his shoulder, a bite that has healed thanks to his enhanced metabolism, while not as effective as a Healing Factor, it does the work just the same, but nothing will fade away the pain from the humiliation of being defeated, of having the entire Royal Guard defeated by a single individual, not since they failed the previous King.
"I failed…I failed the old King, and now I failed King Wade" the Night Wolf ponders in his mind as he slowly begins to react.
"Yo, Wolf, you awake?" the Night Wolf reacts as he hears the voice of Chet Morita, who is tied up a few feet away from him.
"Chet? Are you OK?" the Night Wolf asks him with deep concern.
"All beaten but alive" Chet replies "Kohlaab is alive, but split, yet there are enough to rebuild himself if he gets free" he adds, prompting the Wolf to look around and discover several Mini-Kohlaabs spread around tied-up.
"Kohlaab! Kohlaab! Kohlaab!" the voices of the smaller creatures is heard, to the relief of the Royal Guard's leader.
"That creature was a deadly one" Zrrgo speaks now, prompting the Night Wolf to turn around and look at him, tied up alongside Bün-Bün and Quonian.
"I'm sorry Royal Guard, I failed you all" the Night Wolf replies in a remorseful tone "I even failed our King, a burden that I must carry on my own" he lowers his head in shame "I fear that our King is in trouble and we are in no shape to assist him…I just hope that the heroes who accompany our King be able to bring the fight to whoever assaulted us"
"And what if they fell?" Chet asks the Night Wolf, who sighs in response.
"Then let's pray that there is someone out there" the Night Wolf replies solemnly.
MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE
He has fallen down, knocked out by a sudden strike from above that sent him crashing down a few meters away from the battlefield. How long has it been? He is not aware of it, but a sudden splash of water in his face wakes him up, startling him and bringing him back to reality.
"Arooooo?" Lockheed roars, wondering what happened, looking around until he discovers the one who splashed him, Jeff, the Baby Land Shark.
"MRRRRF!" Jeff growls at Lockheed, giving him another splash of water to wake him up.
"Rwooooo!" Lockheed roars at him as he starts to flap his wings, looking at him suspiciously.
"MRRRF! MRRRRF! MRRRF!" Jeff growls at Lockheed with urgency in his tone.
"Arooo! Rwoooo?" Lockheed asks him, acting a bit surprised.
"MRRRRF! MRRF MRRF MRRRRF!" Jeff growls back at him, gesturing with his head to the back where they were both launched from.
"Rwoooo…" Lockheed looks at Jeff as he flies, but after a few seconds he flies down, landing in front of him "Rwoooo….Arooooo" he adds, extending one of his paws towards him, to which Jeff replies shaking his fin as a symbol of partnership.
"MRRRRF!" Jeff replies, with both of them nodding their heads in agreement, burying their hatchet and heading to solve the case. Lockheed picks Jeff, flying with him towards the streets, going back to the location where the Royal Guard fought against Itsy Bitsy and they were both kicked, taken off the battle.
Lockheed could sense the disturbance while Jeff looks the surroundings and while he may not have a sharpened sense of smell, he does detect drops of blood on the floor, finding a trace down the street.
"Rwoooo? Arooo Grwoo Arooo Rwooo" Lockheed speaks to Jeff, posing the question about his findings.
"MRRRRF! MRRRRF MRRRRF!" Jeff exclaims as he starts to follow the trail of blood, marching down the streets, hoping to find some answers about the whereabouts of their friends and the Royal Guard.
THEN, AT AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION
After the failed fight against Sauron, Spider-Man, Kitty Pryde and Deadpool were not only soundly defeated, but also taken captive by Sauron, but instead of keeping them in his laboratory, they were sent to an undisclosed location in the surroundings of Monster Island, a place that may be known only to Sauron himself.
"Hnnnn?" Where am I?" Spidey slowly starts to react, trying to move his hands, only to discover that his hands are tied and he is hanging with his arms up high.
"Finally, you're awake!" Kitty's voice is heard in desperation, making Spidey react to it with concern.
"Kitty? Are you OK? Where are you?" Spidey asks with concern, trying to turn his head, discovering only part of her body, hanging nearby him.
"To your right" Kitty replies, revealing they are hanging back to back "Dear God, I was fearing it would take too long for you to react!"
"How long was I out?" Spidey asks her "Last I remember was that Sauron ambushed us with that damn power dampening device and then we faded out" he recalls the previous circumstances.
"I know the same thing as you do, I woke up and was hanging down, you were down and now you woke up" Kitty replies, explaining the situation, although there is a mix of concern and frustration in her voice.
"Oh God…well, at least Sauron didn't stripped us naked" Spidey jokes, remembering when Spidey was captive alongside the New Avengers in Savage Land.
"Speak for yourself, Webs!" the voice of Wade is heard nearby them, revealing that all three of them are hung back-to-back-to-back "Gotta tell you, Sauron was really in a rush to undress me, and I'm genuinely surprised that he didn't took a sample off me" he talks.
"Wade? He got you too?" Spidey asks, but then he recalls that he was in the same room as them, therefore he was also afflicted by the power dampener.
"He was already this annoying when I woke up" Kitty comments "I had to deal with jokes about some dudes called Marc Guggenheim and Matt Fraction and my 'ongoing drama with Ribbed for my Pleasure', which by the way, I swear to God I have no idea who those two dudes are" she adds with extreme frustration in her voice.
"I was just saying about how people put you into crappy drama, because Colossus is a good guy and you screwing him over was obviously a cash-grabbing plot from those dudes, although Guggy at least put you as leader of the mutie crew!" Wade quickly comments.
"Wait, if it's been so long, why you guys haven't…? Waitaminute" Spidey tries to reason why Kitty or Wade used their powers, only to realize the answer "We're still without our powers, right?" he asks them.
"Yeah…the power dampener is right above us" Kitty points out "So we're stuck here"
"Speak for yourself, Ms. Younger Fran Drescher" Wade interjects "I'm trying to break my personal record of bouncing this thing" he comments.
"I'll probably regret asking this but…what thing?" Spidey asks, fearing about the answer, only to find out he will regret it eventually.
"You know…" Wade coyly replies "Let's try again….Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy…" he starts to shake his body up and down, and right then is when both Spidey and Kitty figure out what exactly he was referring to.
"OH DEAR GOD!" Spidey screams in disgust, trying to hold his nausea.
"I think I just threw up in my mouth" Kitty adds with a nauseous tone "God, why? Why it had to be him?" she asks the rhetorical question, lamenting being in this situation.
"Ew! Flapping that thing is soooo disgusting! It almost makes me sick to have your genes inside me!" a female voice interrupts the scene as she lowers from a web-line "But then again, I've done things waaaay more disgusting, so who am I to judge?" she asks as she faces Deadpool "Hi Daddy!" she exclaims giddily as she stares at him"
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Daddy!?" Wade asks in shock at what he is seeing "While I know this sure has the ingredients for a stew worthy of a Jerry Springer episode, I must ask…who the #$%& are you!?" he asks her, prompting her to frown at him.
"You don't remember me!? You deny me!?" Itsy Bitsy asks him, slapping his face soundly "Now I know who's the worst daddy of them all! Maybe I'll get more fun with my other daddy…" she then swings to the side so she could face Spider-Man "Hi cooler Daddy!"
"Cooler Daddy!?" Kitty asks in shock "Could you explain what's going on!?" she throws that question while Spidey looks at her mouth agape, noticeable even under the mask.
"I'd try but…wait…" Spidey slowly starts to react, beginning to recognize her "Oh dear God, I remember you…" he replies in bafflement "But I thought you died! I should know because I made that weapon! And I thought YOU killed her Wade!" he complains at Wade, much to Kitty's dismay.
"Hey, I may have a record that only Wolvie could envy, but I still have no #$%&+*%$& clue of what she's talking about!" Wade complains about it.
"You have to be #$%&+*%$& kidding me!" Kitty voices her complaint, attracting Itsy Bitsy's attention.
"And it seems that we have a new player!" Itsy Bitsy exclaims, swinging to be right in front of her "I don't think we've ever met, I'm Itsy Bitsy!" she extends her hand, even though she knows that Kitty cannot shake it "How rude!" she complains "Well, since you're about to die, might as well tell you my story so all of us can be familiarized, alright? OK!" she then makes a swing chair with her webbing to be more comfortable in front of Kitty "You see, I used to be your typical drug addict junkie until I met some guy named Weezer, Wesley, Walrus, don't know…"
"Weasel?" Wade quickly asks, and right then is when the cogs start to spin in his head "Uh-Oh, I think I know now where this is going…"
"This guy gave me a chance for something better, so he fused me with the DNA of this two lovely fellows around here" Itsy Bitsy gestures signaling to both Spidey and Wade "All in a goal to kill Lame-O Daddy over there, but I told him '#$%& NO!', I'm not killing my two role models! So I decided to join them in their superhero crusades…only for them to REJECT ME!" she exclaims with anger in those last two words.
"You were on a killing spree slaughtering lots of people!" Spidey exclaims "And she really, really pushed me beyond my limits" he adds, remembering how he almost fell down that dark path.
"Damn right I did!" Itsy Bitsy replies "Because you tried to kill me!" she points at Spidey "And You almost succeeded!" she then points at Wade "But I managed to stay as a teeny-tiny molecule, so after a looooooong time rebuilding myself and after looooots of bottled up anger, I came back, I met the Doctor and here I am!" she giggles after she finishes her story.
"You tried to kill her?" Kitty asks Spidey, surprised for that turn of events.
"Like I said, she pushed me beyond my limits" Spidey replies "Wade had to step in"
"I was during that whole 'Hero Worship' period I went through, which was what led me to throw my brain into the blender, so I didn't want Spidey to go full Superior Spider-Man again and I stepped in" Wade explains and then turns to Itsy Bitsy "I guess I'll take responsibility for this one" he starts speaking "I mean, you were just a pawn of my ex-best friend in his dumbass vendetta to kill me, but to be fair, I get the anger, you fell into Editorial Hell, your arc was done, your writer tossed you away and no other writer cared about you" he keeps talking, keeping her attention onto him "But in our defense, I was mindwiped, twice! And Spidey was too busy with the 'Powers that Be' so you obviously go down on the priority list on his series" he tries to explain, in his own way "So yeah, this one's on me".
"Oh, I'm definitively blaming this one on you!" Kitty complains at him.
"So what? You're working for Sauron? He's allowing you to get revenge in exchange for something?" Spidey asks her, trying to figure out what the plan is.
"Oh Doc Sauron gave me quite an improvement!" Itsy Bitsy lowers her facemask to reveal the improvements Sauron gave her, including her better looking face "And don't worry, I'll kill you, I'm just waiting for him to complete his job, which is why he took my mean daddy's suit" she points out the detail of Wade's lack of wardrobe "Let's just say that this island…is about to get a brand new boss…Tee-Hee-Hee-Hee-Hee!" she giddily reveals Sauron's plan, to which Wade gasps in shock.
MEANWHILE, IN THE MIDDLE OF MONSTER ISLAND
It was something that no monster or human could miss, an event that it was so regular on every day, but today it brought the attention of everyone around, the sight of the King Deadpool sitting on his throne right in the middle of the street was something unusual, even for this island's standards, but there is something that the people is unaware: The man sitting there is not their King, is not even a man at all, is only a discarded mannequin with skin grafts resembling Wade's charred skin and wearing his suit, strapped to the chair with a hidden recorder on the throne with pre-recorded words from someone trying it best to imitate Deadpool's voice and mannerisms.
"I want me some chimichangas" the recorder speaks, but as the people tried to get some answers, a figure flies towards the throne and lands in front of it.
"Deadpool!" Sauron speaks with a defiant tone "There are rumors that some monsters, and even some humans, are truly dissatisfied with how you rule them, and to that I say 'WE MONSTERS DESERVE BETTER!'" he exclaims, pointing at him.
"I am the King, I do what I want" the pre-recorded tape speaks another phrase.
"In that case, is time to give this island a much more worthy King!" Sauron exclaims, flying towards the mannequin, catching it to fly upward and make some moves to pretend there is an aerial fight happening "Yes! Is working! These mindless sheep are buying the trick!" he muses in his mind "Let's get down to the grand finale!" he then flies down, tossing the mannequin back to the throne, breaking it upon crashing.
"Die by my hand! Bang Bang Bang! Swish Swish Swish!" the pre-recorded tape utters another phrase.
"No, YOU die by my hand!" Sauron exclaims, pulling a grenade from his pants and throwing it at the mannequin, just as he holds it to grab the shredded mask. As the grenade explodes, a green cloud envelops it and the mannequin begins to melt "Yes! An acid cloud grenade! This way your Healing Factor won't work! You'll Never be able to regenerate!" he exclaims triumphant to the astonishment of everyone around him.
"Hi, I'm Deadddddpoooooool, I'm yyyyyyourrrrrrr Kinnnnnngggggg" the recorder starts to melt alongside the mannequin, further elaborating the ruse and helping Sauron's plan to make the gathered people buy the trick. Everyone talks and whispers at what they are witnessing, their King has fallen while Sauron lifts the discarded mask in his hand.
"Yes! I have won! I am triumphant!" Sauron exclaims in victory to the people around him "And I know how the Law works! If you kill the King, you become the King!" he looks at everyone around him "And I just killed your now former King, which means that I! AM! YOUR! NEW! KING!" Sauron screams each word to emphasize his triumph, to which everyone around him slowly begin to bow down upon him, for the Law is as clear as water, to the eyes of the people of Monster Island, Deadpool has been slayed by Sauron and that makes him the New King of Monster, and that makes Sauron a very happy creature, prompting him to show a wicked grin as he savors his moment "It's so good…to be the King".
Ladies and Gentlemen, Sauron is the NEW King of the Monsters! His plan is finally complete and now that he has the throne, what's next? How will the Royal Guard react to the fact that they have a new boss? And how will the seemingly former King react? Well, that one is a bit of a hard one since he's depowered and, if the cancer doesn't kill him, Itsy Bitsy might as well be the one who does it! And what about Spidey and Kitty? How will they escape this situation? It would seem that all hope lies…on Lockheed and Jeff!
And speaking of Lockheed and Jeff, I'm sure you're all wondering "What the Hell did they just said?" Well…I'll let that one for you to decide! That's right! Let me know in the reviews how you'd translate their conversation! The best response becomes the canon one!
And with that, we just have to wait until the next chapter, hoping that our heroes find the way to turn the tables! Stay Tuned, Folks!
NEXT CHAPTER: ALL HAIL KING SAURON!