Fate Stay Night – Unlimited Boob Works

Chapter 14 – "The Hand We All Must Play"

"Room service!"

A sing song voice called from the hall.

Shiro looked up at Illya, his mind a vague haze. Her shoulders were bare, the straps of her dress having slid down her arms, helped along by the gentle rocking as she swayed against him.

It had become a kind of game to them, watching them fall – so long as neither reached for them, they both could maintain a kind of plausible deniability, and so her top slid down – down – until it ended up somewhere around her waist.

Only her hair protected her modesty now. Even though Shiro couldn't see her breasts, he could feel them pressed against him. His shirt was still open, and their soft heaviness told him they were bare. If the first half of their union was this glorious, what would it be like when the rest of them came together?

Just the thought made his head reel.

The bell rang again.

How long had it been ringing? It could have been minutes – hours – days for all he cared – it could have been going off the entire time. At the moment the only thing that existed to him was Illya, the soft swaying of her body and the sweet taste of her mouth.

"Room service!" the voice called again. This time the ringing of the bell gave way to impatient knocking.

Illya looked down at him questioningly, before replacing her top and jumping off of the bed.

"Did Shiro order something?" she wondered.

Neither of them were old enough for champagne, but the menu boasted a selection of finger foods meant for couples to feed to each other.

"I'd planned to save THAT kind of thing until next time", she thought as she made her way over to the door, but she certainly didn't mind if Shiro was feeling adventurous. The thought of him feeding her grapes, or of leaning over him with a strawberry clenched in her mouth as he nibbled the tip made her head spin, and there was also a tray of cheesecake bites with an assortment of caramel, chocolate, and raspberry dipping sauces that looked delicious – as well as having other benefits.

"Maybe he ordered one of those cute costumes", she thought as she reached for the door.

Shiro remained lying on the bed, trying to sort his thoughts. There was something about that voice that troubled him. Its singsong tone was decidedly mischievous, but it seemed strangely familiar.

Suddenly his eyes filled with recognition.

"No – Illya, wait! That's – "

Illya, for all her new found confidence, had never stayed in a love hotel before, and so she didn't know that any food, costumes, cans of whip cream with instructions for applying an edible bikini – or other items that one might order were never brought to the front door. Instead there was a smaller door near the back where they could be discretely delivered without the hotel guests or staff ever seeing each other.

So imagine her surprise when she opened the door to see Rin smiling back at her. It was only due to her quick reflexes and by the narrowest of margins that she managed to avoid getting punched in the face.

Rin was already chambering for another strike when Saber and Sakura came spilling in behind her, with Leysritt and Sella bringing up the rear.

"How did you FIND us!?" Illya shouted.

"Remember THESE?" Rin retorted, holding up her fist. Looking closely, Illya could see the shimmering strand of a magic thread.

'If you can use them to keep track of US, then WE can use them to keep track of YOU!" Rin said triumphantly.

She'd learned from her own experiences when Illya had watched her and Shiro – and she'd also learned the wisdom of the old adage to divide and conquer. Rather than let the two of them stay together, Rin had ordered that they be kept separate, with Rider, Saber, and Leysritt watching Shiro while she, Sakura, and Sella interrogated Illya.

Rider put her hand to her chin and studied her handiwork, noting the open state of his shirt as well as the pendant around his neck and the belt at his waist, and the wrinkled designer jeans.

"Well – it worked –", Shiro said, smiling weekly.

Rider smirked, then quickly resumed her usual frosty demeanor when she saw Sakura approaching. She regarded her Servant suspiciously, before pausing to give Shiro a truly wounded look.

Saber had other concerns.

"Master! You're injured!" she said, momentarily forgetting her rage at the sight of the line of red marks starting at his neck and trailing down his chest.

'Wait – what's this?"

"Um – a Command Seal?"

Saber glared, caught between the warring sensations of wanting to kill him, and wanting to go get a wash cloth and scrub every place Illya had touched him and replace her marks with her own. It was only the conflict between these two emotions that kept her from drawing her sword and firing her Noble Phantasm, killing Shiro and everyone else in the building in the process.

Before Saber could trigger an apocalypse, Leysritt made her way over to the nightstand, where she reached into Illya's purse.

"I am pretty sure that I said that these were only to be used in case of emergencies", she said, removing her ID and credit cards with great ceremony.

'And I am equally sure that an EMERGENCY is not just having a bad case of HORMONES!"

Illya hung her head in defeat.

"Look – I – I'm really sorry", Shiro said as they rode in silence.

For their own safety, as well as to keep them from conspiring together, he and Illya were kept separate even on the ride home. Shiro sat up front in the passenger seat next to Sella while she drove, with Illya in the middle row with Rin and Saber on either side of her to prevent any escape attempt, and Sakura and Leysritt behind her just in case she thought about going out the back.

"It's all my fault. Things got late – I lost track of time, and the trains weren't running, so – "

"Mr. Emiya", Sella said sharply, cutting him short. "Leysritt and I have known Miss Illya for what, a little over nineteen years? We have a pretty good idea of what she is capable of by now."

Sella glared, then turned away so that Shiro would not see the hint of a smile that crept onto her lips.

"Even now that boy is still trying to stick up for her", she thought. A brave deed for someone riding in a car back to what for all he knew might be certain death – or even worse (and as an Einzbern homunculus she had first hand knowledge of what even worse might look like.) "I suppose Mr. Kiritsugu and Miss Illya chose wisely in the end."

'Oh well", she muttered. "I guess he passes after all . . ."

"What's that?"

"Nothing."

Speaking of fates worse than death, Shiro had been more than a little worried on that account. He had seen some of Kiritsugu's memories of teaching Irisviel how to drive, and the thought of riding in a car with Sella terrified him.

Thankfully she was nothing like Illya's mother in this regard. For safety, the Einzberns had ordered that a vehicle be imported from their native Germany, and they'd had both Leysritt and Sella given formal instructions. As a result, Sella drove with such precision that she might easily have obtained a chauffeur's license – she applied the brake and gas with such finesse that one could scarcely tell when the vehicle started or stopped moving, used all necessary turn signals, adjusted the speed of the windshield wipers, for there was a lightly falling snow, and even maintained a comfortable temperature for all of the passengers.

The vehicle was rather luxurious in this regard, being fitted with heated seats and zoned climate control. And so it was that, what with the lateness of the hour, between the soft warmth of the heater and the gently rhythmic thumping of the windshield wipers, Shiro soon found himself lulled off to sleep. He was dozing peacefully when the world as he knew it came to an end.

When Shiro awoke he was lying face down on the ground. The world around him was on fire, full of flames mixed with swirling leaves, sprinkled in with the lightly falling snow.

"Oh – are we back here again?"

No, that couldn't be right. There were no trees back then – the park hadn't been built yet. It would be dedicated later, as a memorial. That night it was all rubble. And besides, it had been raining that night. There hadn't been any snow.

"Where am I?"

He looked around in a pained daze. He could remember a sense of motion, and hearing Sella yell as she cut the wheel hard, and of something black falling in front of them. Whatever it was had been very large. And then there was a terrific bang, followed by a crash. Somehow, he had ended up here.

"Where's Illya . . ?"

Looking behind him he could see the car lying upside down, its wheels still spinning. A large hole had been blown out of the windshield.

"ILLYA!"

A surge of adrenaline gave him strength. As he sprang up, he felt the magic artifact within him activate, healing his wounds.

"Avalon –" he groaned. He had never seen the blue and gold sheath of Excalibur before, but somehow he knew what it looked like.

There was a shattering sound as an armored foot kicked out one of the rear passenger side windows.

"MASTER!"

"I'm fine, Saber", Shiro said, catching sight of Illya's purple and white form standing off to one side of the car. Amid the black wreathed smoke, a shadowy figure was standing next to her.

'Dad . . ."

"No you're not!" Saber shouted, rushing towards him.

"Trust me, it looks worse than it is – OW!" he answered, his smile becoming a groan when he realized how much it hurt.

Evidently Avalon hadn't finished healing him yet. His vision was blurry, and he realized that one of his eyes was swollen shut. Putting his hand to his face, it came away bloody, and he was pretty sure that several of his ribs were broken.

"Argh . . ."

On the other side of the vehicle, Archer was busy using his twin swords to extract Rin. She was still in her seat, upside down, and in a daze, but otherwise appeared unhurt. Seeing Shiro able to stand on his own, Saber went to help him, using her golden sword to slice through the door, while Archer cut the seatbelt, cradling her as she dropped free.

Behind them, Rider used the end of her spiked chain to break out the back glass, and helped Sakura and Leysritt. Sella had emerged from the front seat, where she had been cushioned by the airbag in the steering wheel.

Evidently the expense of the vehicle had been worth it. The structure of the body was intact, and with the exception of Shiro, everyone's safety devices had worked successfully, so that while badly shaken, no one was seriously hurt.

"Damn, maybe she really was trying to kill me", he thought, noting that all of the airbags in the vehicle had been deployed except his, and that only his seatbelt had come loose.

Looking around, he saw the body of a large tree lying across the roadway. Suddenly his memories came back. He could remember seeing its branches as it fell. And then the sudden impact – just the thought of it made his head throb. The SUV had flipped over, twisting as it spun through the air, breaking the joints of his lap belt and shoulder harness, and slinging him through the windshield.

"We should get away from the car", Archer said.

"Yeah . . ." Shiro answered, studying the broken stump. Most of the break was clean, but several long spines remained standing up towards the back, very jagged and dangerous looking.

"Some sort of freak accident I guess . . ."

Archer tightened his grip on his swords.

"No. An ambush – "

As if to answer him there appeared a swarm of flies, mixed in with a swirl of black leaves. Their twin spirals descended until they met the road with terrible force. Zouken Matou stepped out of their midst. And behind him, Assassin.

"What fools! For all of you to travel together – such impudence! I suppose some of this can be forgiven on the grounds that you are still children – but there are limits even to MY patience!"

"Zouken!" Shiro shouted, starting forward.

Assassin moved to protect his Master.

Saber stepped in front of Shiro in return.

And so the battle was joined.

"What's wrong with Saber?"

Even in the previous Grail War, Shiro had never seen her fight like this.

"Such aggression –"

Every stroke was a killing blow.

Lifting her sword over her head, she brought it down with such wrath that, had it caught him, it would have sheared him in two, severing his head and arm from the rest of his body.

Pure, open, naked aggression.

Assassin dodged, ducking the blow. As she cut back from the other side, he twirled away, dancing as the sword passed in front of him. Laughing maniacally, the skull mask leered, as if Death himself danced to the sharp sound of the music her sword played.

And so they continued their danse macabre.

Leaping back, Assassin launched a pair of daggers at her. She dashed them away, first to one side, then the other.

"Careful – " Archer cautioned. "He's measuring you."

"I'll measure him – for a coffin", she said, bringing her sword down over her head, deflecting a third dagger directly back at him, so that Assassin was forced to leap aside to avoid being impaled and pinned to a tree.

'Oh look, it fits!"

Rising up like a spectre, he rushed in, trying to take advantage of the fact that he had two weapons to her one, but the great sword struck with such force that it easily battered them away.

Leering, he began to stretch out his cursed arm, but she cut down sharply, so he was forced to leap away, or else his hand would have been sheared off at the wrist.

"I HATE deception!" she snarled, leveling the point at him.

"Oh? Then why do you hide your sword?"

For an answer, she slashed at him again.

This time Assassin did not leap back, but instead made a short hop, loosing another dagger. He almost paid dearly for it.

Dashing the dagger aside, Saber whirled her sword up over her head, then down, cutting through in a broad stroke that just missed severing both of his arms at the bicep. It was only by leaning back all the way onto his heels that he avoided the tip of her sword as it once again passed just in front of his chin.

But by now he had gotten close.

From Shiro's position, it looked like Saber was fighting her own shadow. Every time she cut at him, Assassin ducked, pulling down and away, only to appear again at the other side. They seemed to be joined at the ankle, inseparable. Furious, she struck at him again and again, her sword becoming a whirlwind. At the last, he stepped forward, beneath the roof her flurry of cuts had made, and reached out his arm.

He stepped lightly – the gesture had no particular form or power. But it did not have to. He barely even had to extend his arm. Reaching out his hand, his black fingers found the cold metal plates of her armor. For a moment they lingered. And then they sank beneath them.

"Urk!"

Saber recoiled, her eyes wide. She sought to pull back, but it was no use, she was already moving forward. Shiro felt himself filled with an uncontrollable rage at the thought of those black fingers touching her beautiful golden form.

Searching, they found her heart, and began to close around it.

But even now she fought him.

Assassin tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"Ohh – dear maiden – even now, do you still resist?"

For an answer her heart pulsed, flaring between his fingers with such force that for a moment it seemed his hand would be blown off.

And then she disappeared.

"N – O – O – O – O !"

At first Shiro did not know what he was seeing. Before his eyes, Saber seemed to vanish, disappearing into a black mist. Was this one of Assassin's tricks?

But when the mist began to settle, wreathing itself along the ground, and still his friend was gone, he began to grasp that something terrible had happened.

"N – O – O – O – O !"

He shouted, surging forward. Assassin turned, readying a dagger.

But before he could strike, Shiro fell to his knees, madly trying to gather up her ashes, as if he would assemble her again. He raked his fingers through the grass, gathering up the sooty blackness, as if he meant to bathe himself with it.

Before his eyes the dark traces began to disappear, leaving his hands empty and clean. Folding his arms around himself, he let out a cry of despair. Cursing his own powerlessness, he struck the ground with all his might, not caring if he broke his hands, and wept bitterly.

Presently his grief turned to rage.

Looking up through his tears, he spoke in a low rumble far more threatening than his earlier yell.

"A – s – s – a – s – s – i – n . . ."

He sprang forward, but before he could strike, Archer tackled him, cursing as he fought to restrain his arms. As he turned, he was sure he would catch one of Assassin's daggers between his ribs.

But Assassin remained standing where he was. Lowering his chin, he regarded the place where Saber had disappeared thoughtfully.

"Ohh, maiden – your case is even worse than I had thought . . ."

Suddenly Shiro found his voice again.

"Let me go!"

"Quit struggling", Archer said firmly.

"I SAID LET ME GO !"

Zouken regarded the boy as he alternated between sobs and fits of rage. Presently, he seemed to make his mind up about something.

"Hmm – mm!" he said, tapping his cane on the ground. "Come, Assassin. Let's go. We've removed their most powerful piece from the board. We can deal with the rest later. That's enough for one night."