The reflection of the moon wavered on the lake, moving back and forth. Millions and billions of miles away, stars held onto unfulfilled wishes in the night sky. They didn't really twinkle like childhood stories said they did. If anything, they looked a little on the dull side.
Head resting in her palm, Courtney couldn't help but stare at them. They were one of the only things to look at since she couldn't reach her dreams tonight. Eyes half-lidded, feet dangling over the dock - caramel skin attached to the wood. If she stood up indentations would run across her thighs. If she stood up she'd probably go back to the cabin and continue to lay there. If she stood up she would disturb the scene created by her presence.
A small breeze pushed nature to the left. The trees shivered, and the water below Courtney washed onto the beach a little bit more than the last time. Wawanakwa has always been the most peaceful late at night, when everyone was asleep and the only movement were animals turning over onto their other sides. This is when it was a summer camp, a reel of memories running through the projector of Courtney's memories.
Nights where Bridgette and Courtney snuggled together underneath the same blanket, whispering and sharing secrets. Faint giggles emerging every so-often. Or the rush of blonde hair falling above the bunk bed Courtney laid on, the owner grinning widely (and sometimes wickedly). Bridgette was always above Courtney, in so many ways. It made sense her consistent roommate slept above her.
Another breeze came, a bit stronger than before. When Courtney looked up at the moon, a singular cloud dressed in the dark navy color of the sky passed over it. She wanted to visit the moon, she guessed. It would be nice to be alone for awhile. Or maybe she'd ask Bridgette to come along, so she wouldn't be alone. Would being alone be good, or bad?
Is it ever really that simple?
Courtney's been alone for awhile, around a year. It was a torturous year, one that mentally and emotionally challenged her. A year of solitude, if she had to title it. But being surrounded by others wouldn't have changed the outcome, she supposed. If anything, it would have made her feel worse. The lack of interest, general disdain, and avoidant behavior she never really glanced at years ago left her in a chokehold.
She wondered how she ended up in this position. Going from an outspoken, single-minded perfectionist to a shell of her former self.
Hands begin to grip onto the edges of the dock. The young adult threw her head back so her hair fell behind her neck and shoulders. And, suddenly, she pushed herself into the lake.
For years people warned of the dangers of swimming in the dark; but Courtney couldn't think of a better time.
In her mind, she thought of how she was disturbing the flow of the water. Eyes closed, she held her breath on beat with the stillness of water. Energy, she thought, is never created or destroyed. Despite pausing the original flow of water, it was still there. Despite being a shell, she is still herself.
Finally, she pushed her body up to the surface. Her limbs still moving, she opened her eyes and stared across the lake slightly to the right, in the direction of Boney Island. The island itself was nothing but a shadow of its hidden mysteries in the daylight. It feels like the skull was hovering over Courtney, despite being miles away.
The water, simultaneously, was cool enough to put goosebumps on her shoulders where the straps of her bikini failed to cover. Hair sticking to the back of her neck and following the line of her spine, Courtney turned her head to the left to look at the forest of Wawanakwa. It was dense but she could always find her way from one side to the other. In some instances, she would find herself at the campsite her team used during the first season of the show. Later on, they would end up losing and voting off one of the two identified best friends. She didn't know how, but she was always able to immediately recognize it. During the filming for All Stars she stumbled upon it with Gwen and paused.
When Gwen asked about it, Courtney made a face, one with an undetermined expression. You have sex here? she asked, a smirk creeping on her face. Gwen! Courtney exclaimed immediately after, a hard blush on her face before shaking her head and continuing to walk away.
Putting her head back and lifting her body, Courtney slowly began floating and moving circular. There was a small smile on her face from the memory. If she wasn't so afraid of breaking the natural silence she would have laughed too.
She looked at the sky again. Kicked her legs up, felt the water roll from her ankle to her knee to her upper thigh. Her fingers were beginning to wrinkle, ridges forming.
If Courtney swam to the bottom of the ocean, would she find stars there too? Or are they millions and billions of miles away too? If she had a telescope and pointed it inside the water would she discover new planets?
Mountains to climb, countries to explore, a frown begin forming on Courtney's face. She knew it was only a year, but she began to wonder what she missed out on doing. Nights with her best friends, talking and playing games and making music.
The world keeps going she thought a few months ago. No one cares about you wormed its way into her mind. No one will check-in, no one will knock on the door, no one will call. Then, for awhile she felt guilty for her feelings. She still does sometimes.
As the goosebumps continued to work their way onto Courtney's body, she thought it was about time to get out, and maybe try to sleep. When she turned completely around, though, there was a figure sitting close to where she had been not too long ago.
"Shit." Courtney's heart stopped, an automatic response as she quickly grabbed onto her check to relax her heartbeat. "You scared me."
The other young adult was sitting on the dock, leg propped up and head sitting on his knee. "Sorry." He mumbled, then stood up.
Creamy skin glowed under the moonlight. The curve of his biceps, teal eyes watching carefully. He was still.
She watched, motionless with the except of her feet still kicking back and forth. Then curved her back and swam in the direction of the dock.
He moved closer to the edge, and went down on his left knee. Courtney met his right hand and grabbed onto his wrist with her left hand. Duncan's grip on her wrist was a familiar feeling, and his strength was something she had missed. As she was lifted out of the water, her right hand grabbed onto the dock to support herself.
They both stood up, and Duncan took a couple steps away from her. Courtney slowly bent down and covered herself with the navy piece. She pushed some stands of hair out of her face before crossing her arms across her body, turning her head to the side. "How long have you been here Duncan?"
"Not long." He spoke quickly. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him put his hands in his pockets, an anxious behavior he hasn't been able to kick yet. "I didn't want to like, scare you or anything -."
Courtney couldn't help but scoff, cutting him off temporarily.
The other young adult couldn't help but share a quick chuckle, rubbing the back of his head. "-Yeah I didn't do a great job at that. You just looked really peaceful. Very un-Courtney like."
A long time ago, Courtney could pretend to remember a similar statement being told not too far away from where they were standing. It was a disorienting wave of déjà vu that overcame her nonetheless.
"You've been acting pretty un-Courtney like recently." He continued, and Courtney turned her head a little bit more in his direction. "Maybe that isn't the right word. Because you're only like this behind closed doors."
She already knew what he was hinting at. "What do you mean by that?" She still asked.
Though it had only been a few minutes, in the back of her mind she knew she wanted his attention. That, of course, is not why she was acting like this. Well - it was a part of it, a culmination of her past behavior and who had endured it.
The male young adult sighed and crossed his arms, almost uncomfortably so. "Do you want me to be honest, or be honest?"
It was a good question, albeit Courtney could assume he was trying to be humorous to make the blow a bit better to handle. If there was anything she had ever wanted from her ex-boyfriend, it was the truth. He always hid it to some capacity.
And, she knew Duncan was one of the reasons she was here in the first place. Outside of making amends with the other former contestants, there was no one else here who she shared as much history with. Memories flooded like a short recap of someone's favorite drama.
Goosebumps laid silently on Courtney's arms. "I'm all ears."
He made a face. His eyebrows (she had already noticed his unibrow was gone, broken) scrunched and his mouth tightened. The silence between them interrupted by the breeze motioning the water back onto dry land again.
"Say it, Duncan." She spoke again. In some ways, her heart began beating quicker. Her voice sounded like her new familiar - scared, broken, quiet. It shouldn't be this dramatic. And she had tried to sound so confident, so much like how he had liked her those few years ago. Those years where they could sit here together and talk to each other. When she slowly began to be comforted by the hand rubbing her back, her arm, her shoulder.
Was she really ready for this? It was bound to happen, whether it was on cameras or not. Then again, Courtney was known to overreact over everything.
Finally, he cleared his throat. It felt like a brick wall stood in-between the former pair. "I -." He paused, sucking his teeth. "There just isn't any fire anymore. You're not you, like. I dunno, you're not acting like before."
One thing that's not common knowledge among a lot of the former contestants is that Duncan struggles with his words. When he is trying to be kind, thoughtful, or anything of the sort, he just can't do it. During their fights, Courtney could remember clearly how concise his insults and anger was. He speaks straight without thinking, just like her. It didn't even matter who instigated the fight first, he always had an immediate response to whatever Courtney would end up threatening.
Courtney thought about what to say next, because she's always overthinking around him. "I don't know how I'm supposed to respond to that." But she did know. She knew what he was going to say before he said it; she had been thinking about it since he first brought it up.
"Yes you do."
This made her look at Duncan, who was staring at her. "You have a response to everything. That's just who you are. You always know what to say." He continued, crossing his arms now.
That was common knowledge. Courtney always had something to say about anything and everything. Again, it was because she didn't think through a lot of her words. She was being more conscious of her choices now; some would call it reserved. Her words hurt people, and she has hurt so many people.
The stars look farther than they did earlier in the night. Courtney noticed since that's what she was currently looking at. The air was crisp, but the humidity from the day still hung onto it loosely.
She could hear him sigh. It forced her back into a memory from their second season together, when she had given him that contract. It was the same frustrated sound, the air he released sticking to the ends of Courtney's thoughts.
Moving her head back to normal, her eyes locked on him. "What do you want me to say, Duncan? You want me to argue with you like before?"
Immediately, he shook his head. "No, not the arguing. Anything but that, that shit sucked. I just - I get we aren't like, friends. But you - I get why you wouldn't want to tell me anything about you." Duncan plopped onto the dock, pulling on his hair.
Courtney kept standing for a few more moments, before tightly holding the towel around her and sitting. She was already dry, but still felt so naked. "Why is that?"
As the wood of the dock reminded her of how uncomfortable it felt, she realized.
"I fucked up, and I never apologized for it."
She stretched her legs out. Rolled her head around in a circular motion, stretching her neck. "It's ok. Don't beat yourself up over the past."
Duncan chuckled, and Courtney looked at him. "Look who's talking."
That made her crack a smile, and roll her eyes. "If it helps, I forgave you awhile ago."
"It's gonna help me sleep better at night, so yeah that's pretty helpful." He smiled. It was a small one, and had the moon not been out Courtney may have missed it. "Couldn't sleep?" She went back to the sound of his voice, asking her a question.
Now it was time for her to shake her head. "I figured wasting some energy would be helpful, and better than being in bed listening to Sadie sleep talk."
The former delinquent nodded in agreement. "Can't be worse than Harold, but same here. I was going to do a jog around the island, but I saw something in the water and thought someone died."
Now that he mentioned it, Courtney noticed Duncan's attire was his usual workout clothing. A dark tank top, basketball shorts and white tennis shoes.
Quickly, Courtney ran her fingers through her hair. "Nope, just me alive and well." She wasn't really tired still. Maybe she will go back to the cabin and try to sleep. "Thanks for the check-in, glad you're concerned for the safety of your peers."
This made him laugh a little more vocally. "You callin' me soft?"
"Go check the tapes and get back to me." She retorted, giggling a little bit.
The night's silence was slowly getting filled with the two's voices. This was the second time they navigated their conversations to something Courtney could define as more pleasant. It was still weird having a normal conversation with him, considering how long it's been since they spoke. And the last time they were on the same season Courtney refused to give him the time of day for even a simple conversation.
"Do you wanna come?" Duncan suddenly asked. Courtney looked at him confused. "To jog." He confirmed.
She tilted her head. "Duncan, I'm in my swimsuit."
He responded almost immediately. "So change. It'll take like two minutes."
"But I haven't jogged in months." Courtney tried again.
"I won't leave you behind."
The brunette sighed, looking at him as he said it. Then she stood up. "Give me five minutes."
Courtney couldn't help but smile back at the smile he was giving her.
He was standing outside the female communal bathroom when Courtney came out in a plain white t-shirt and black shorts. Though she was annoyed by the idea of putting a sports bra on, it faded away shortly.
"What, did you think I wouldn't meet you?" Courtney asked, dusting off her knees and beginning to stretch her arms up to the sky.
Duncan chuckled, stretching his quads. "Kind of. I figured your bed would be too appealing."
She gave him a look. "Are you referencing the beds at Camp Wawanakwa? The horrid, squeaky, almost sheet-less beds? Yeah right."
In the back of her mind, Courtney knew she'd be in bed just doing the same thing she had been doing for months - sulking, thinking, and wishing things had been different. For the first time, now that she had a short moment of silence, she wondered if Duncan would be doing the same thing. If he spent nights tossing and turning and wide-eyed but exhausted and floating in self-hatred like her.
"You ready?" He pushed her out of those thoughts and back to reality.
The brunette rolled her eyes but nodded her head. Duncan rolled his eyes back at her (almost playfully) before turning around beginning to jog away.
Courtney followed him, catching up easily. He was jogging at a slower pace than what she had been accustomed to, which may have been his way of making sure she didn't fall behind.
They were doing their old route, around the island that worked alongside the beach of the island. They'd run underneath the 1000 foot cliff and view the nothingness that fell into the far distance of the lake. There were a couple of times in the past where they would run during a sunset and catch it at the best time on the complete other side of the island. It also gave them some time to be alone and be away from the cameras, so they could be their most authentic selves. The mixtures of oranges and pinks and blues created a canvas no one could ever re-attempt; Courtney couldn't help but stop running and look at them for a few moments. It was one of the few moments she was stunned into silence and, according to Duncan, looked the most peaceful. They were romantic too, at least later into the first season, where the two would share hugs and (forehead) kisses and look at it together before moving on.
And the more Courtney stopped thinking about these little moments, the more she remembered how hard her heart was pumping. It hadn't been this naturally active in so very very long, and even though it had been no longer than maybe a minute and the half, she felt the need to stop for a few moments. They were off the main part of the beach that everyone used and were getting closer and closer to the more private parts.
The first time Courtney stopped, she felt her cheeks redden from embarrassment more-so than the effort she had been using to run. She held onto her knees and took long, deep breaths to stabilize herself. To make it worse, she didn't bring a hair tie to pull her hair back, so some strands were sticking to her forehead. Finally, she expected Duncan to have kept going. But when she looked up he was standing a few feet away, with one of those teasing smirks on his face.
"I told you I was out of shape." Courtney whined as she walked over to him, but there was no annoyance in her tone.
He didn't respond to that specifically, but kept walking with her at a normal pace. "Working out is one of my saving graces. I've been working in an auto-repair shop, so I get to move a lot of heave shit around. Plus there's a little gym for all the staff we can use during break."
Wiping some of the sweat off her face, she looked at him. "So you really have been staying out of trouble, huh? How long have you been working there?"
She learned a little about him while they walked. He'd been there for a little over seven months ("It's the longest I've ever held the job, I can't lie."), trying to keep as much as a low profile as possible. He doesn't really keep in touch with too many people except the 'bros' (aka Geoff and DJ) and he's planning on moving out of his house soon.
The second time they stopped, he asked Courtney about what she had been up to.
The brunette made a face and looked away from him. "Oh you know, I moved out of my house and live alone right now. I work at a local coffee shop - actually I just quit a few days ago. Um, and I still talk to Bridgette and Trent, but that's pretty much my circle of friends."
"No law school?" Duncan raised an eyebrow, genuinely confused.
She paused. "I don't know." was mumbled, and another reel of guilt flowed through her. This time because of her parents.
Out of the corner of her eye she watched him shrug his shoulders. "I didn't really know what I wanted to do for awhile either, but I think you already knew that." He chuckled. "I still don't really know yet. I still have a ton of cash leftover, so I may just travel at some point. Not knowing what you want to do yet is like, normal you know."
Courtney sighed. "I decided what I wanted to do for so long, I don't really know what to do. And before you ask, no I haven't talked to my parents about it yet. It isn't like they need anymore disappointment from their only child on their plates." The second half of the sentence she began to whisper, but Duncan could hear her clearly. "This is pretty much the first time I've said it aloud." She spoke up.
There wasn't an immediate response, so Courtney looked to her left. Duncan was looking at her with his natural standoffish facial expression. "You know you can do anything you want to, right?"
In the back of her mind, she really wanted to believe him. So she chose to say nothing instead.
"Hey Courtney."
It was the first time all night he had said her name. This long, strange night and he had never referred to her as anything at all.
They had stopped again, and Courtney could recognize it as a little past the halfway point of the run. In the beginning, they had been walking at a distance, far enough to be aquantices. Now, they were closer, to the point where uncomfortable eye contact could be made.
She looked up at him. "Yes?"
They were continuing to walk down the beach, slowly. The brunette had finally caught her breath properly. If they looked back the cliff would stand ominously and be a great scene for the climax of a horror movie.
Duncan sucked his teeth. "I just want to make it clear that like, I regret all the shit I put you through. Y'know, during filming."
"You weren't the only guilty party, Duncan." Courtney sighed. "I did some, some dumb shit too that I really regret. And it's been eating me up."
"Holy shit you cursed!" Duncan exclaimed. "You never curse at all."
It was so easy to talk to Duncan when no one was around. It felt like neither of them had to fit into a specific role or stereotype anymore.
Courtney smiled. "I was in the mood."
There was another pause. "So we're cool?"
She remembered a few weeks ago she had a memory of her mother telling her she would never love others until she was able to love herself. Courtney wasn't sure how right Mrs. Otero is, but something she noticed was tonight being forgiven by others helped one to forgive themselves too.
At the end of the day, one has to forgive themselves. And, throughout these past days, the people around her have helped Courtney begin to understand that. There is no purpose to staying silent and drowning in the guilt. The verbal validation that comes with someone's forgiveness is so meaningful to Courtney because she never received that from her family. She needs people to communicate with her; but that is a two way street.
The night made her think about what Duncan may have been dealing with. She knew him as a destructive character who lacked communication skills and was too stubborn to make amends. The same way she wasn't the same Courtney from the first season, he wasn't the same Duncan from the beginning.
And she liked that.
His teal eyes were a little worried, and Courtney realized maybe she took too long thinking. "Yes Duncan, we're cool."
Something about watching his eyes light up from worried to relieved with a little bit of happiness made Courtney's heart pick up the pace. And it made her smile at him. He smiled back, and Courtney knew he was sincere.
And when they walked the rest of the way around the island, they were so close their hands occasionally brushed.
God, Courtney was exhausted.
She didn't realize it until they made it all the way back around the island to where the cabins were, but she could pass out outside and be content.
The rest of the walk was mainly in a comfortable silence, one that was content and where either one of them could break the silence and it would be okay.
If they did break it, it was to ask a simple question ("You still eat the fuck out of curry, right?") or a statement ("No, Duncan, Bridgette is not pregnant. I don't know why Geoff told you that.").
In reality, Courtney still didn't really know where they stood. They weren't enemies. Maybe friends? That wasn't something she was used to, so if they were one of them would need to vocalize it. At this moment, though, it was okay. She liked she didn't need to hide from him or run the other way every time they appeared in the same place. It didn't feel like all the years of guilt making Courtney's shoulders droop were gone, but they definitely felt a bit lighter.
They stopped at the female Bass cabin first, and stood outside of it.
Courtney turned and looked at Duncan. "Well, this was definitely an unexpected way I planned on spending my night -."
"- You could say that again." Duncan cut her off, a smirk sitting on his face.
An eyeroll later, Courtney continued. "Yes, but I enjoyed it. It wasn't completely awful, so thank you."
He patted his chest. "That's because I'm not a completely awful guy."
"I know." She smiled softly, looking at his hair. "Goodnight Duncan."
Duncan stood there, watching Courtney walk up the stairs. "'Night Court. Wait, one more question."
She turned around and lowered her voice to avoid waking up any of the girls. "What?"
"Do you have any interviews tomorrow?" He asked, stuffing his hands back in his pockets.
Courtney thought for a second, trying to remember. "Actually, yeah I have two. One around eleven and the other at two in the afternoon." She whispered.
Then, she watched a smile appear on his face. "Sweet, then I'll see you tomorrow morning. I have those times too."
They both waved at each other and Duncan turned around and walked the short distance to the male cabin.
He turned and looked in her direction from their stairs. She was still standing outside, watching him. Courtney waved again, and she could see Duncan's silhouette waving back.
A lot of thoughts were running through her head when she finally threw her pajamas on and listened to the light snores of the girls in the cabin. The last one she could remember is wondering if there was a new moon and if maybe the stars were shining a little bit brighter at the end of the night. Just maybe.
did you guys think i wouldn't put something together for duncney week? on the final day, i have arisen (temporarily)! this took everything in me to finish, so i hope you enjoy some extra duncan x courtney interactions (disclaimer as always no i didn't proofread i'm so sorry).
would also love to shoutout all the creators that have posted something for the week, i can't wait to read all your work. and also shoutout the creators that came up with this week, bravo!
this is (as titled) an interlude, which is why there is little/no mention of the reunion. this isn't meant to push the plot forward, just the characters. :)
as always, leave a comment if you enjoyed. if not, maybe the follow/favorite button is more your style (though i have to say i love reading your thoughts).
and happy holidays to all who celebrate the few that have begun and/or are happening over the next week and the half. see you all in the new year!