Friends with benefits
Chapter 7
All mistakes are mine.
The race with Warrick had temporarily satisfied her need for an adrenaline rush but now that she was home, she wanted more. Sam briefly considered going to a bar and finding a one-night stand but her rational side quickly talked her out of it. Sadly, she couldn't risk a one-night stand with someone who might be military and impact her career. Even if her one-night stand wasn't in the military she couldn't afford being seen leaving a bar with someone. She was tired of celibacy though. She sighed in disappointment as she settled down to bed and reached for her bedside drawer, pulling out one of her favorite toys.
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When Sam was released from the infirmary with her arm in a sling after fighting the super soldier in the alkesh she insisted on driving herself home, even though Daniel and Teal'c both volunteered. She agreed to a team night later, but she didn't let them set a date, knowing she needed an out. She checked her answering machine when she got home and wasn't surprised to see the zero. Her brother led a busy life with a demanding job and a family clamoring for his attention. It wasn't a surprise that he hadn't called. The only other people in her life, her team, had known where she was so they certainly had no reason to leave her a message. There had been a time when she came home to messages. She had a few close friends when she was in the Academy and during her time in the Gulf, but she'd lost touch with them because of too many messages not returned and invitations not acknowledged. She had no one but herself to blame for her loneliness. The real question, which she had been asking herself for the last few days, is whether or not she was willing to do anything about it.
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Joining Colonel Bronson on the Prometheus had seemed like an opportunity to spread her wings beyond the SGC, testing the waters in case she decided it was time for a change, as well as a bit of fun. Laying in the infirmary with the worst headache of her life really decreased the fun coefficient. Her commanding officer's reaction to her using his first name hadn't helped the pounding in her head. As she laid in the infirmary, alone again, she felt that familiar darkness creep in around her.
Her head injury meant she needed a ride home and Colonel O'Neill was quick to volunteer.
"You good?" Jack looked over at her in the passenger seat. She was wearing a dark pair of sunglasses but the tiny lines beside her eyes told him she was squinting.
"I'll be fine."
Jack started the truck and pulled out of the parking lot. "Teal'c and I will bring your car to your house tomorrow when we pick you up for our team night."
"I appreciate that, but you don't have to go to any trouble."
"It's no trouble and you were promised cake. Can't break a promise."
"No, sir." She gave him a tight grin. "Will there also be ice cream?"
"You betcha." He glanced over when her snicker died away. She was biting her lower lip. "So, what else is on your mind?"
"Sir?"
"I've known you a long time Carter. I can tell when the wheels are turning, and I doubt you're thinking about ice cream flavors." He gave her a moment.
"I've been burning the candle at both ends working on the Prometheus and at the SGC."
"Agreed. It will be good for you to take a little time off."
"Right, yes." She rubbed her hands on her pants. "There's still a lot to do on the Prometheus and I've been working on upgrades for the next ship."
"But you need to take a few days off. You've not only more than earned it but your noggin also needs it."
"I was thinking about other options."
He glanced over at her, feeling the nervousness rolling off of her. "Such as?"
"I could spend more time focused on ship design."
"How do you propose to do that? Clone yourself?"
Sam let out a slow breath. "I could transfer."
Jack kept the wheel steady even though his heart thumped, and his chest tightened. "Leave the SGC?" She wanted to leave him.
"It's an option."
"Not a good one."
"No?"
"You're going to make Lieutenant Colonel soon and then you'll get your own team." He turned down her street. "Let's be honest, it won't be long before I won't be in the field anymore. SG-1 will be yours."
"You think that's the best path for me?"
He stopped in front of her house. "You'll be a General before your fifty, but you need that leadership experience and being on a front-line team will look much better than leading a science team."
She nodded her head and then winced as pain radiated behind her eyes. "That makes sense."
He reached out and placed two fingers on her forearm. "You have lots of options. I would hate to lose you from the team, but I also won't stand in your way."
She removed her sunglasses and looked into his eyes. "So, you'd like me to stay on SG-1?"
"Of course I would."
She put her sunglasses back on. "That's good to know." Sam opened the truck door. "Thanks for the ride."
"I can come in and help you get settled."
"That's ok. I'll be fine."
He didn't leave until he saw her make it into her house. She put down her pocketbook and wandered through her house. Everything just felt wrong and she had a driving need to escape. She packed a small bag, and even though she knew better, she jumped on her bike and headed out. At first, she had no goal, she was just riding, but then she started heading west and she just kept going. She was exhausted but she pushed through and rode all night. She called General Hammond's office once she was at her brothers, letting Sergeant Harriman know where she was, in case she was needed. Then she left a message on Daniel's home answering machine, knowing he wouldn't be home. She didn't really want to answer any questions, but she also wanted her team to know she was fine.
She spent the first couple days at her brother's house nursing her concussion in the guest room that thankfully had black out curtains. Her sister-in-law spent a lot of time shushing her niece and nephew, knowing the noise hurt Sam's head. As she sat in the dark, she replayed her hallucinations and last conversation with Colonel O'Neill. He didn't want her to leave the team. Was that because he valued her as a team member? Was it really because he believed this would help her be promoted? Could it also be because he wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship? If he was still interested in her wouldn't he have encouraged her to get out of his chain of command?
When she finally came out the guest room her sister-in-law doted on her for a couple days. It was nice to be taken care of and spend time with her family, once she could keep her eyes open without her head exploding. She took her niece and nephew to the movies and out for ice cream, giving her brother and his wife a couple date nights, a rare treat. When her brother worked late Sam sat up with her sister-in-law drinking tea and talking about life in general. It was nice to have a little girl time.
"I think your sister is realizing that she's missing out on a few things she wants." Mark's wife climbed into bed beside him.
"What makes you say that?"
"The way she was looking at the kids tonight." She turned off the lamp on her bedside table. "She's also made a few comments, when it was just the two of us this afternoon."
"Really?"
"Didn't you say you had a friend from college that lives out near her?"
"Yeah, I do." Mark turned off his light. "She'd hate being set up though."
"Can't hurt to ask her."
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Pete's antics in the coffee shop left Sam grinning as she got in her car. Her brother was right about Pete's quirky sense of humor. He wasn't bad looking either, not her usual type, but wasn't that kind of the point. When Mark had mentioned him, Sam had thought if nothing else Pete might be a good one-night stand, with no military entanglements, but she wouldn't really want that to get back to her brother. She'd spent the last few months wishing she was in a relationship and maybe Pete could give her the chance to make that a reality. An image of Jack beside her bed in the infirmary popped into her head. When she'd said his name, he basically chastised her, a clear sign that he no longer had feelings for her. Maybe that was why her concussion hallucinations had told herself to give up on him, she must have sensed he'd given up on her.
Pete was less dynamic in bed than Jason, but she was in this for more than a physical release so she told herself there would be tradeoffs. Following her and getting himself shot hadn't impressed her but she again told herself she would have to let some things go if she was going to make a relationship out of this. She let Pete stay with her until he was well enough to go back to work. It gave them time to get to know one another better, and the more frequent sex had left her more relaxed than she had been in a long time. An orgasmic high always seemed to last longer when she didn't give it to herself.
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Sam laid in bed fretting over her dad's departure and yet another moment when she allowed herself to seek comfort from her commanding officer. She'd been facing death alone, and she'd disappointed herself by giving up when the super soldier rose from the rubble. Colonel O'Neill had probably been disappointed in her too, maybe that was why he'd held her, unsure of how to address her weakness. The darkness of loneliness draped over her and it felt overwhelming, until she remembered that this time she wouldn't be going home alone. Pete was calling several times a day and had promised to pick her up and spend a few days with her when she was released from the infirmary. Although her father was gone, for an indeterminate period of time, she wasn't alone, not this time.
When Jack called to check on her a man answered, he assumed it was the damn snooping cop. At least she wasn't home alone. He didn't keep her on the phone long, assuming she had better things to do than talk to him. When he hung up, he went to the gym, beating the punching bag until he was covered in sweat. After a quick shower he went home to a couple glasses of scotch and an evening on his porch, wondering what the hims in other realities were doing at that moment. Who were they spending their evening with?