Sorry about the slow update. I hope you all enjoy! This story is almost to its end. Maybe a few more chapters. At least two. ;) :D
Qui-Gon settled himself down on his knees, shifting easily into his favorite meditation pose.
He had felt her presence before he'd sent Obi-Wan away with Anakin, though it was obvious she was trying her best to remain hidden.
It was the thin slivers of anguish bleeding through her shields that ultimately gave her away.
So, Qui-Gon silently welcomed her over with a slight Force suggestion, hoping she would accept the non-verbal invitation.
She didn't.
"Ahsoka," he said at last, his voice warm and inviting. "Would you join me for a meditation?"
Slowly, hesitantly, the Padawan revealed herself, an uncharacteristically timid expression on her young face.
Oh, dear Ahsoka. What have they done to you?
"I'll sit with you, Master Qui-Gon," she offered, the hesitation still palpable, "but… I'm afraid it's… a little hard to meditate right now."
"Well," he replied with a warm smile, "I would appreciate the company all the same."
Reluctantly, she settled down into a rather wilted lotus position and, despite her previous claim, she closed her eyes and exhaled deeply.
"If meditation is not coming easy to you, young one, I would suggest refraining."
"It never hurts to try, Master Qui-Gon," came her small reply.
Instantly, his mind was transported to a distant memory of a very young Padawan with cropped auburn hair, meditating on a mat in his room, eyes squeezed shut in deep concentration.
"Obi-Wan, a true meditation does not require you to try so hard."
The boy barely moved.
"But this is the only way I can get it to work, Master."
"And why do you suppose that is?"
A beat, then a single tear trickling down his cheek.
"Because I—" A choked sob. "I can't stop seeing her, Master."
"Who?"
"... Cerasi… She died in my arms and I can't… Unless I try really hard, her face… I can't… I can't…"
"Ahsoka." His voice carried a gravity that made her eyes snap open. "Perhaps… we can figure out why you're having such trouble."
She made no reply, but her expression told him that she already knew the answer. He found he did too.
And yet, he waited for her to speak, to open her heart and mind when she was ready, not when he forced her to do so.
So, he waited. It was a trick he had often used on Obi-Wan, who, even to this day, could not stand the silent gaze of his Master. Sooner or later, Ahsoka would open up, and he would be ready to hear, to listen when she did.
A sigh shook Ahsoka's thin frame and she bowed her head. "I can't meditate because… because I keep… hearing things."
"What sort of things, young one?"
"You know… things." A pained gulp. "When we were captured, they put me in a cage suspended over the city. That didn't bother me too much, I don't think… But the Zygerrian they chose to guard me." She hesitated briefly. "He wouldn't stop threatening me with… He… He said I would be his. And he said… other things. Things I can't even say and keep my conscience clear."
Then, a single tear trickled down her cheek.
"No one's ever said anything like that to me before," she continued softly. "I don't really know how to… to handle it, how to stop… stop picturing what he was suggesting—what he threatened to do to… to me.. Oh, Master Qui-Gon…" She lifted her sad eyes towards his. "What do I do? How can I fix it? What will I do if I can't meditate?"
"The word of others," he began slowly, "is merely one of the many things in this galaxy we will never be able to control. What we can control, however, is how we choose to react; how we move on. You must let go of these emotions—release them into the Force."
She sighed. "I know. I've tried, believe me. I've tried! But I can't… I don't… What he said, I can't let it go."
"Have you told anyone what he told you?"
A small shake of the head, her montrals waving. "I told you, I can't even bring myself to say it, much less tell someone else."
"Then whisper it to me through the Force. Through our bond, Ahsoka. Your lips don't ever have to move. Sometimes, confiding in others is the first step towards healing."
It took her a few moments to agree, but when she finally did, Qui-Gon shifted closer to her. Close enough to place a hand on her knee.
"Whenever you're ready, Padawan. I'll be here. Take your time."
A nod. Then silence.
And Qui-Gon prepared his mind.
When it came, floating like an invisible disease through the air, infecting his brain, the Jedi Master realized no amount of preparation could have readied him for what that Zygerrian monster said to his beloved little Padawan.
It took every ounce of self-restraint to keep his fists from balling.
"Good," he prompted, his tone calm. "Now, I'm going to help you release it into the Force."
"You can do that?"
Surprised, Qui-Gon caught himself before he accidentally broke the connection, the meditation. "Of course. We're connected. For the moment, I am your teacher. I will help guide your unwanted feelings into the Force and out of your mind."
"Okay…" Though she still seemed unsure, Ahsoka dutifully followed all his directions until the task was completed.
As Qui-Gon pulled himself out of the meditation, he noticed Ahsoka's eyes were still closed.
So he waited. Again.
And watched.
And tried desperately not to seethe.
How dare that barve say such things to my Padawan? To this poor little girl?
She didn't deserve it—any of it. She should be training alongside her Master and going on missions of peace, not campaigns of war.
"Master Qui-Gon…?" The child's soft question brought him back to the here and now. "Did it work?"
"How do you feel?"
A beat. "Better. I feel… like I could have meditated a little longer, actually."
He felt a smile tug at his lips. "Why didn't you?"
"I'm worried about Masters Obi-Wan and Anakin… Do you think they'll be okay?"
"Ahsoka, do you think you will be okay?"
"... I wasn't sure when you asked before, but… Yes." Here, she smiled, though only slightly. "I think I will. Thank you, Master."
"Anytime, young one. But tell me, hasn't Anakin ever helped you release your pain into the Force?"
"Well… he taught me how, but we haven't really had much time to do it together. Not like this, anyway."
This blasted war.
"I'm sure we can remedy that," Qui-Gon promised, earning a wider, brighter smile from the young Togruta. "Until then, I might need your help with something."
"With what, Master?" Her eyes lit up, a mix of excitement and confusion.
Qui-Gon simply grinned.