"Li! Breakfast!"
Li jumped as her father's voice interrupted her. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, slightly embarrassed. The Aida soundtrack was playing on her phone, loudly, and she'd been lost in her own head, singing along and imagining herself in each role. Her face fell knowing her stage fright was still a massive hurdle to even just auditioning. Her heart raced as she thought about singing in front of a panel of people judging her and wondered, not for the first time, why she had let Mattie convince her into signing up to audition for a lead role. She sighed. Well it wasn't going to happen. She would go to Mrs Beazley during class tomorrow and tell her to take her off the lead audition sheet, and add her to the group auditions. Mattie would be disappointed, as would her father, and to be honest, Li was annoyed with herself. Maybe if… No it was useless. There was no way she could see that she could somehow overcome her stage fright in a week. Li chewed on her lip and once again resigned herself to just auditioning for the chorus.
As she flopped down at the breakfast table, Lucien noted her defeated attitude. "Li?"
There was no answer as she stirred her porridge, staring gloomily into space.
Lucien tried again. "Li? Is everything ok?"
Li snapped out of her staring competition with her oats. "Everything is fine papa." She forced a smile to her face and began to eat her breakfast.
Not convinced, Lucien kept an eye on his daughter over breakfast. He had gotten used to the bubbly, cheerful person Li had been in the past few weeks, and the Li infront of him, at the table seemed to be flat and quiet. She reminded him of what she was like before they moved here.
"I've got parent teacher interviews this afternoon."
Li nodded.
"So do you think you could start making dinner when you've finished your homework?"
Another nod.
Lucien paused. "Li, is something going on at school?"
No answer
"Are you being bullied? Did you and Mattie have a falling out?"
Li shook her head "No papa, nothing like that. I told you. I'm fine." She stood and picked up her school bag. Leaning down she pecked a kiss to his cheek. "I'll start dinner after homework. I gotta go. Love you. Bye."
The front door banged shut and Lucien looked at her barely touched bowl of porridge. As he scraped it into the rubbish bin, his phone buzzed. He slipped the bowl into the hot soapy water in the sink, and wiped his hands on the tea towel that seemed to permanently live on his shoulders. Pulling his phone out of his pocket he glanced at the screen and his heart leapt as he saw it was a text message from Jean Beazley.
Jean sat at her laptop, her eyes skimming the email she'd just opened with her interview schedule for the afternoon and her eyes went automatically to the last name on her list, 'Lucien Blake'. She'd tried to put him out of her mind since she'd driven away from him last week, with no luck. He had clouded her thoughts daily, and every time she'd seen Li, or had any thoughts about the fundraiser or the musical, he'd been there, in her mind. Now with a shaking hand she picked up her phone and her fingers seemed to type of their own accord.
"Hello, Lucien. Jean Beazley here. I've just looked at my schedule for interviews tonight and seen that you're my last one for the afternoon. If you don't have another interview after mine, I wouldn't mind discussing some ideas with you. About the musical and the fundraiser. Let me know if this works for you. See you tonight. Jean"
She hit the send button before she could have second thoughts, and threw her phone onto her desk , raising a shaking hand to her mouth.
"Bad news, Jean?" Alice queried as she saw her friend's odd behaviour.
Jean blinked. "What? Oh, uh no, just psyching myself up for tonight," she grinned at Alice
Alice rolled her eyes and groaned. "I know! It's got to be the worst evening of the year. So many people. I have to smile at them all, and try and remember which little cretin belongs to them."
Jean let out a peal of laughter as her phone buzzed. She glanced down to see a short reply from Lucien.
"Sounds good. See you then."
Her heart started to beat a little faster.
"So, anyone picked a song for their audition yet?" Mattie looked around as she bit into her sandwich.
Li sipped her fruit box as her stomach dropped. It seemed to be all Mattie could talk about, and Li couldn't bring herself to tell her friend that she was pulling out of lead auditions.
As the conversation swirled around her, she found herself taking some deep calming breaths, like she used to have to do back in Singapore when Nanny was particularly demanding.
Charlie noticed she'd gone quiet and surreptitiously tapped her knee. He leaned over "You ok?" he whispered quietly.
Li met his eyes. "I'm terrified," she whispered back. "Charlie, I can't sing in front of anyone. I just can't."
"Well how about we give it a go, after school tonight? You can practice on me if you like?" Charlie smiled hopefully.
Li felt her ears heat up. "Oh Charlie that's very kind. But I don't want to waste anyone's time. I think it's probably best if I just go and speak to Mrs Beazley and tell her I want to join the group audition."
Charlie looked at their other friends who were completely absorbed in their conversation, and reached down and subtly put his hand over hers where it lay on the cement between their knees. "Let me hear you sing. Please?"
Li froze as she felt his hand on hers. She raised her eyes to his and she felt herself begin to smile at his earnest blue eyes which stared into hers. Her mouth opened and she heard herself reply, "Ok, after school."
The bell rang to signify the end of lunch and as they stood to go their separate ways for lessons, Charlie leaned in and squeezed her hand, "I'll meet you outside the gates," he muttered, making Li's ears burn and that same small smile appear on her face. She trailed after Mattie to the music room wondering about Charlie.
During music class she could barely focus on what Miss Nell was saying. She couldn't believe she had agreed to sing in front of Charlie. She kept on replaying the conversation in her head wondering just how it had happened.
"Miss Blake, I don't feel I have your full attention." A voice pulled her out of her thoughts. Miss Nell Clasby was always immaculately dressed, well-spoken and had impeccable manners, she was what her father would call a 'proper lady' but she also had a real no-nonsense edge to her. She was stern, but fair.
"Sorry Miss Nell," she forced herself to pay attention.
"As I was saying," Miss Nell continued, "A quick note about auditions for the school musical. If any of you auditioning are needing a pianist, I will need your music by the end of the week. Do not come to me the day of the audition with your music." She looked around the class sternly, then smiled. "I am available lunch and recess if you'd like to practice, but I suppose most of you will have backing tracks anyway. I will also be looking for musicians, and will be handpicking them due the modern instruments needed, and the show only needing a small band. So if you would like me to consider you for that, please speak to me after class." Miss Nell looked around at them and smiled. "Alright, now, partner up and test each other with the music theory test questions on the sheet I give you."
As the class broke into pairs Li turned to Mattie. She wondered if she should tell her friend about Charlie, and confess her fledgling feelings for him? But she'd never been in this situation before, with a friend, or a boy, and then she'd have to tell Mattie about her doubts about being in the musical. No. She'd keep it to herself until she had decided what she would do, with both Charlie, and the musical.
Mattie looked at her cautiously. "Are you ok? You've been very quiet today."
Li nodded. "Just feeling a little tired." She smiled at her friend as Miss Nell dropped a paper in front of them both.
Li watched Miss Nell's retreating back and wondered what her father would think of this elegant proper lady. She knew he would love the 'old Hollywood movie star' style glamour she exuded and made a note to quiz him when he got home. Home, suddenly she had a thought, Charlie would have to come home with her tonight. They hadn't discussed where they would go, but they couldn't hang around and use the music room because of the interviews and he wouldn't want to go to his house. He had brothers who would no doubt be hanging around poking fun of him. She chewed her lip, suddenly nervous all over again. Mattie was one thing, but inviting a boy to her house? Blood pounded in her ears and she shut her eyes and took the same deep calming breaths.
"You really don't look well you know," Mattie commented. "You're all sweaty."
Li opened her eyes and waited for the world to readjust itself. "I just need some water." Reaching into her bag she pulled out her water bottle. As she gulped some water down she felt Mattie's eyes on her and to her dismay saw Miss Nell watching her cautiously. "Really, I'm fine." She looked down at the paper in front of her. It swam in front of her eyes. "I think, I might just step outside for some fresh air, Won't be long." She motioned to Miss Nell, who nodded curtly, and Li escaped the oppressive classroom.
Nell looked to Mattie who was looking just as confused as she was feeling. She frowned at Mattie questioningly. "Is she alright?" she mouthed silently.
Mattie shrugged her shoulders and made a face. She looked back at her paper but her mind was full of the image of Li's clammy face.
Outside, Li leant against the building, feeling the fresh air on her face. Out here it was easier to take deep breaths and feel almost normal. The breeze cooled her hot cheeks, and she felt her heartbeat calm. After a few minutes she felt she had composed herself enough to return to the classroom. Detouring via the bathrooms, she splashed some water on her face and stared at herself in the mirror. "Get it together Li Blake," she told herself sternly.
Walking back into the classroom she sat back down in her chair, where Mattie looked at her worriedly. "Are you ok?"
"I am now. Sorry. I just felt a bit unwell there for a moment."
Mattie saw some of the colour had returned to her face but was still concerned. "You're not worried about parent/teacher interviews tonight are you?" Her own parents wouldn't turn up as usual, but Mattie knew other students could get apprehensive about what the teachers might say to their parents. "I mean, Li, you've got nothing to worry about. You're killing it in every class and all the teachers love you." She grinned, "Plus, your dad is like, super cool."
Li smiled back at her, "Thanks Mattie." She hesitated and then hugged the surprised girl.
Mattie blinked slightly taken aback, She was usually the one initiating the hugs, but she smiled and relaxed into it. "You know you can tell me anything right?"
"I know."
Mattie pulled herself out of the embrace and stared into Li's eyes. "Cos that's what friends do, ok?"
Li smiled. "Right, only you're my first true friend Mattie, it just takes a bit of getting used to alright?" she squeezed her hand.
Mattie looked confused and eventually smiled, "One day Li, you're gonna have to tell me what you mean when you say that kinda stuff." She shook her head slightly, still smiling and they both brought their attention back to the theory test in front of them.
The rest of the class passed without incident and whenever Li's mind wandered to the auditions, or to Charlie, she firmly placed it back on to the theory test. When the bell finally went to signify the end of the day, the class all rushed to cram things into their school bags and leave.
"Li? Can I talk to you for a minute please?"
Li felt a hand on her arm and looked up into the eyes of Miss Nell. She swallowed nervously and nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow Mattie." She waved at her friend who had looked at her in concern, and then waited for the classroom to empty. Once she was the only student left Nell turned her attention to Li.
Li looked at her shoes uncomfortably, "Is this about my not paying attention in class this afternoon?" she said miserably.
Nell crossed her arms and tilted her head to one side, "Sort of, but its more about the anxiety attack you were experiencing after."
Li's head shot up and she looked her dead in the eye. "Oh"
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Li squirmed. "Not really Miss Nell. It's sort of a personal matter."
"They always are."
Li stared at her teacher puzzled.
"I suffered from anxiety in my youth. Of course they didn't know what it was back then." She smiled softly at Li. "That's why I recognised the signs in you." Nell put a comforting hand on Li's arm, "Please. I'd like to help you work through it if I could, I hate to see others go through what I did."
There was silence, as Li studiously inspected the brick wall behind her, avoiding making eye contact.
"Do you think you could tell me what you're so worried about?" Nell probed gently.
Li stared at Miss Nell's hand on her arm and chewed her lip nervously, "I… uhh. I want to audition for the school musical," she began, and then paused.
Nell nodded, "but?"
Li let out a shuddering breath, "But I can't sing in front of an audience Miss Nell. I just can't! I'm terrified!" Tears appeared in her eyes as she continued, "Mattie wants me to audition, my father wants me to audition, even I want to audition, But just the thought of it," she blanched, "I feel sick to my stomach," She burst into tears.
Nell pulled the girl towards her and wrapped her in a bear hug. Screw school policy. "Shhh. It's all right, let it all out." She felt Li's hot tears through her blouse, "You've had a rough few weeks, adjusting to a new school in a new place, and having to make new friends. You've got a lot going on right now. Let's just slow down." She pushed the girl away from her chest and placing both hands on her shoulders, looked her in the eyes. "Let me ask you something. Do you love singing?"
Li nodded as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Do you want to audition for the musical?"
"More than anything!"
"Well then, forget being perfect at your studies for a bit, You will come here at lunchtimes and we will practice. You can invite someone in to watch, when you're ready, and we'll work up to it. How does that sound?"
Li could only sniff in response.
"We've got just over a week, I think we can make it work." She pulled a tissue from the box on her desk and gave it to Li. "Now, wipe your face and blow your nose, I can't have you leaving my classroom looking like that. People will think I'm a monster!" She smiled kindly, then saw movement out of the corner of her eye, "Charlie Davis, What are you doing here?"
Charlie glanced at Li's tear-stained face, "I, uh, came looking for Li, We have, um, a study session."
"Study session has been cancelled." Nell declared. "I suggest you take her out for coffee instead. Your friend is feeling a little bit fragile today."
Li managed a watery smile. "Actually Miss Nell, I was going to sing for Charlie this afternoon."
"Well?" Nell waved a hand at the empty music room. "No time like the present."
Li wiped her face again, and glanced at the large grand piano nervously.
Charlie reached out a hand and settled it on her shoulder, "Go on," he urged, "Please?"
Li stuffed the tissue into her pocket and moved to the piano. She ran her fingertips lightly across the keys. It really was a beautiful piano. Her heart began to race and she took a deep breath. "Alright, But you both have to turn your backs and not watch me."
"We can do that, can't we Charlie?'
Charlie nodded encouragingly. "And then I'll take you out for coffee, Like Miss Nell said."
Li nodded seriously and watched as they both turned their backs. Once satisfied she sat on the piano stool and placed her hands on the keys. She slowed her breathing and forced the nervous fluttering in her stomach to calm. Her hands began the introduction and her voice trembled.
"Anyone can whistle, that's what they say, easy.
Anyone can whistle, any old day, easy.
It's all so simple.
Relax, let go, let fly.
So someone tell me, why can't I?"
Her voice strengthened as her confidence grew. The keys felt familiar under her fingers and it comforted her.
"I can dance a tango, I can read Greek, easy.
I can slay a dragon, any old week, easy.
What's hard is simple.
What's natural comes hard.
Maybe you could show me
How to let go,
Lower my guard,
Learn to be free.
Maybe if you whistle,
Whistle for me."
She lost herself in the piano and played a small interlude and then all of a sudden it was just her and the piano. Her clear voice soared.
"What's hard is simple.
What's natural comes hard.
Maybe you could show me
How to let go,
Lower my guard,
Learn to be free.
Maybe if you whistle,
Whistle for me."
Her fingers hit the final notes on the piano, and the sound of applause brought her back to the music room. Shyly she turned to see Miss Nell clapping enthusiastically and wiping a tear from her eye. Charlie was staring at her with a goofy grin on his face.
"That was amazing! I had no idea! I didn't even know you played" he gushed at her.
Nell nodded at her, her kind eyes shining. "I don't think I've heard any student play that piano so beautifully in years. If you sing like that in your audition I'm sure you will get a part."
Li's face fell, She'd forgotten about the audition. For one moment had just been her, singing to her teacher and her friend.
Nell saw her deflate. "Look forget about the audition for tonight, just go have some fun with Charlie, Eat some cake, have a hot chocolate, play a boardgame." She waved a dismissive hand elegantly, "Go do whatever you teenagers do for fun, for goodness sakes." She smiled as she shook her head fondly, "And Li, If you're serious about wanting to audition, come by here at lunch tomorrow and we can work on overcoming those nerves." She paused and continued gently, "You'll have to get used to performing soon, either on keys, or vocally, or both, That is part of your grade."
Li nodded. "I understand."
Charlie picked up her school bag. "Come on. If Miss Nell says we have to go out for coffee and cake , I'm not arguing with her," he grinned at her.
Li took her bag from Charlie and looked back at Miss Nell. "Thank you" she said simply, and slipped out of the room.
Nell watched them go and then looking at her watch realised she only had five minutes before her first parent would arrive. She quickly scanned her classroom for anything out of place and took a sip from her water bottle. A knock came on the door and she looked up to find Jean Beazley leaning against the door frame. "What was Charlie Davis doing in the music room? He's not taking music is he?"
Nell shook her head and quickly explained the situation briefly.
Jean shook her head sadly. "I knew she had stage fright, Mattie told me, but I didn't know it was that bad. Do you have a meeting with Lucien tonight?"
Nell looked at her confused. "Lucien?"
"Lucien Blake, her father."
Nell scanned her laptop and saw his name. "Yes. He's my 4.30." Nell paused and frowned, "Blake… he's not the son of old Doctor Thomas Blake is he?"
Jean nodded. "He is and he's a doctor too. Apparently they're only here for the year, to tie up his fathers financials, refer his patients elsewhere and sell the house." She shook her head sadly. "Lucien said she'd had a bit of a different upbringing, In Singapore. Apparently there was a strict nanny."
"Hmmm..." Nell pursed her lips together thoughtfully, eyeing her with narrowed suspicious eyes.
Too late Jean realised she probably knew too much about this family who had just moved to Ballarat only weeks ago, for just a teacher. She quickly changed the subject. "Are you going to talk with him about what happened with Li today?"
"I think I have to, just to give him a heads up."
Jean nodded. "Good, I think he needs to know. Teenagers are very good at hiding things from their parents. Trust me, I know." She smiled and sighed. "I've been evicted from the performing arts room as usual. Patrick is using it to chat with prospective new parents for next year. I've been relegated to this," she pointed to the small practice room across the hallway and rolled her eyes. "Do you mind if I borrow some chairs?"
Charlie walked alongside Li as they moved in an uncomfortable silence. He was trying to work out if he should mention her singing, or steer clear of the topic altogether.
Li on the other hand was so embarrassed that her friend had seen her like that, even more mortifying was the fact that it was Charlie. Who she was rapidly discovering she had a crush on.
"Listen…"
"Look I…"
They both began to talk together then stopped.
Charlie smiled at her "You go first."
Li chewed her lip, "I was just gonna say, I'm sorry you saw that. I've been trying to keep my anxiety under control, but it really slipped out this afternoon. I apologise."
Charlie stared at her. "Li, you have nothing to apologise for. I was just going to ask whether or not you wanted to talk about it."
Li was silent as they continued walking.
"For the record I think you have a beautiful voice and if you wanted to, you could definitely give Mattie some competition for the lead."
They had reached the café, and Li swung her school bag off her back and dumped it on the ground. "Thanks Charlie, But the way things are right now I think the best I can hope for is Nehebka." She smiled at him sadly.
Charlie met her eyes and then placing his bag on the chair, rifled in his pocket for his wallet. "Well I think you can do it. That's the last thing I will say about it, unless you bring it up. What do you want? I'm paying."
Li felt her ears get hot, Was this like a date? "Just a hot chocolate please."
"Miss Nell said you had to have cake," Charlie sang at her grinning.
Li rolled her eyes at him but smiled, "Ok ok, ummm a piece of beesting, if they have any, or a custard tart."
Charlie nodded and went to order.
Li's mind was a whirlwind of thoughts, about the musical, about Charlie, Miss Nell. She breathed heavily and forced all of it to the back of her mind. This afternoon, she was just going to 'be a teenager'